


Endless Moon

by ChildOfSolace, NympheSama



Series: The Endless Twilight Saga [2]
Category: Endless Summer (Visual Novel)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Character Swap, Emotional Constipation, Emotional Hurt, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gay Twilight, Heavy Angst, Iris is Imogens Twin, Jaylor, M/M, Twilight Series Rewrite, Vampires, Wolf Pack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-05
Updated: 2019-12-21
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:13:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 25
Words: 179,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21582055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChildOfSolace/pseuds/ChildOfSolace, https://archiveofourown.org/users/NympheSama/pseuds/NympheSama
Summary: Taylor is left broken; when Jake leaves him behind.He almost falls apart entirely, but best friend Diego finds a way to hold him together; until he's drawn into the mystery of the cult which has been forming on the reservation where he lives.Will Taylor manage to save his friendship? Worse yet, when the worst of misunderstandings occurs; will he be able to save not only himself, but Jake as well?
Relationships: Craig Hsiao/Zahra Namazi, Everett Rourke/Imogen Rourke/Iris Rourke, Grace Hall/Aleister Rourke, Jake McKenzie/Main Character (Endless Summer), Kele/Quinn Kelly, Michael Harrison/Main Character (High School Story: Original Trilogy), Sean Gayle/Estela Montoya
Series: The Endless Twilight Saga [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1545814
Comments: 159
Kudos: 22





	1. Oops

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh look, what's this? Book 2?
> 
> You're welcome.
> 
> I've been battering away at this all morning and... I feel like I need to post it now.
> 
> We really appreciate everyone reading and hope you enjoy the journey - the bigger changes begin in this; they're still subtle at first, but we hope you enjoy them none the less.
> 
> Thankyou so much for your support and we cherish all your kudos and comments (so please give generously :p )
> 
> Thanks for reading
> 
> x Our love to you all x

**Preface:**

_Taylor felt like he was trapped in one of those terrifying nightmares, the one where you have to run, run till your lungs burst, but you can't make your body move fast enough. His legs seemed to move slower and slower as he fought my way through the callous crowd, but the hands on the huge clock tower didn't slow. With relentless, uncaring force, they turned inexorably toward the end; the end of everything._

_But this was no dream, and, unlike the nightmare, Taylor wasn't running for his life; he was racing to save something infinitely more precious. His own life meant little to him anymore._

_Quinn had said there was a good chance they would both die here. Perhaps the outcome would be different if she weren't trapped by the brilliant sunlight; only Taylor was free to run across the bright, crowded square._

_And he couldn't run fast enough._

_So it didn't matter to him that they were surrounded by their extraordinarily dangerous enemies. As the clock began to toll out the hour, vibrating under the soles of his sluggish feet, Taylor knew he was too late; and he was glad something bloodthirsty waited in the wings. For in failing at this, he would forfeit any remaining desire to live._

_The clock tolled again, and the sun beat down from the exact center point of the sky._

**Oops**

I was ninety nine, point nine percent certain I was dreaming.

The reasons I was so certain were that, first, I was standing in a bright shaft of sunlight; the kind of blinding clear sun that never shone on my drizzly new hometown in Cedar Cove. Secondly, I was looking at my Grandpa Steve. Jordan and I had always had trouble as kids, pronouncing Grandpa; so we just called him Pop.

Pop had been dead for six years now, so I took this as solid evidence again, toward the dream theory.

Pop hadn't changed much; his face looked just the same as I remembered it. The skin was soft and withered, bent into a thousand tiny creases that clung gently to the bone underneath. Like a dried apricot, but with a puff of thick white hair standing out in a cloud around it.

Our mouths; his a wizened picker, spread into the same surprised half-smile at just the same time. Apparently, he hadn't been expecting to see me, either.

I was about to ask him a question; I had so many; What was he doing here in my dream? What had he been up to in the past six years? Was Grams okay, and had they found each other, wherever they were? But he opened his mouth when I did, so I stopped to let him go first; because unlike Jordan, I can actually respect my elders and be polite. He paused, too however, and then we both smiled at the little awkwardness.

"Taylor!"

It wasn't Grandpa who called my name, and we both turned to see the addition to our small reunion. I didn't have to look to know who it was; this was a voice I would know anywhere. Would always know, and respond to, whether I was awake or asleep; or even dead, I'd bet. The voice I'd walk through fire for; or, less dramatically, slosh every day through the cold and endless rain for.

Jake.

Even though I was always thrilled to see him; conscious or otherwise, and even though I was almost positive that I was dreaming, I panicked as Jake walked toward us through the glaring sunlight.

I panicked because Grandpa didn't know that I was in love with a vampire; nobody knew that, so how was I supposed to explain the fact that the brilliant sunbeams were shattering off his skin into a thousand rainbow shards like he was made of crystal or diamond? Something Jake had once complained about, with much venom, after I mentioned how pretty he was.

Well, Pop, you might have noticed that my boyfriend glitters. It's just something he does in the sun. Don't worry about it.

What did Jake think he doing? The whole reason he lived in Cedar Cove, the rainiest place in the world, was so that he could be outside in the daytime without exposing his family's secret. Yet here he was, strolling gracefully toward me; with the most beautiful smile on his scruffy angel's face, as if I were the only one here.

In that second, I wished that I was not the one exception to his mysterious talent; I usually felt grateful that I was the only person whose thoughts he couldn't hear just as clearly as if they were spoken aloud. But now I wished he could hear me, too, so that he could hear the warning I was screaming in my head.

I shot a panicked glance back at Pop, and saw that it was too late. He was just turning to stare back at me, his eyes as alarmed as mine.

Jake; still smiling so beautifully that my heart felt like it was going to swell up and burst through my chest, put his arm around my shoulder and turned to face my grandfather.

Pop's expression surprised me. Instead of looking horrified, he was staring at me sheepishly, as if waiting for a scolding. And he was standing in such a strange position; one arm held awkwardly away from his body, stretched out and then curled around the air. Like he had his arm around someone I couldn't see, someone invisible.

Only then, as I looked at the bigger picture, did I notice the huge gilt frame that enclosed my grandfather's form. Uncomprehendingly, I raised the hand that wasn't wrapped around Jake's waist and reached out to touch him. He mimicked the movement exactly, mirrored it. But where our fingers should have met, there was nothing but cold glass.

With a dizzying jolt, my dream abruptly became a nightmare.

There was no Pop.

That was _me._ Me in a mirror. Me; ancient, creased, and withered.

Jake stood beside me, casting no reflection, excruciatingly lovely and scruffy; and forever twenty six.

He pressed his icy, perfect lips against my wasted cheek.

"Happy birthday," he whispered.

I woke with a start my eyelids popping open wide and gasped. Dull gray light, the familiar light of an overcast morning, took the place of the blinding sun in my dream.

Just a dream, I told myself. It was only a dream. I took a deep breath, and then jumped again when my alarm went off. The little calendar in the corner of the clock's display informed me that today was January the first.

Only a dream, but prophetic enough in one way, at least. Today was me and Jordan's birthday. I was officially twenty one years old.

I'd been dreading this day since I first figured out the Darwin family’s closely guarded secret.

All through the life threatening first term at Berry College; the happiest term of any education I had ever had, the most amazing semester anyone anywhere had ever had; this bleak date had lurked in ambush, waiting to spring.

And now that it had hit, it was even worse than I'd feared it would be. I could feel it. I was older. Every day I got older, but this was different, worse, quantifiable. I was twenty one.

And in five years, I’d catch up to Jake. Be as old as Jake… and then, pass right by, as he remained the same.

When I went to brush my teeth, I was almost surprised that the face in the mirror hadn't changed. I stared at myself, looking for some sign of impending wrinkles in my ivory skin. The only creases were the ones on my forehead, though, and I knew that if I could manage to relax, they would disappear. I couldn't. My eyebrows stayed lodged in a worried line over my anxious dark blue eyes.

It was just a dream, I reminded myself again. Just a dream… but also my worst nightmare.

I was interrupted from my stewing by my phone ringing, and I answered without needing to look at the caller ID. "Happy birthday, Jordan." I sighed, trying to muster some sense of enthusiasm for my brothers sake. He was clearly not bothered by the next step in our aging process.

" _We are of legal drinking aaaaage!_ " Jordan crowed down the line, as I held the device a foot from my ear. 

"I'm so pleased you have your priorities straight," I huffed, shaking my head at his exuberance. "Did Michael get you anything good?"

"Yes, and thank you for giving him the idea." Jordan replied giddily, as I snickered and returned to my room to get ready. "So, do you have any plans today?"

"Shopping." I replied with a sigh. "Sales start today, so... bunch of us are going." 

"Cool, extra presents." Jordan said distractedly, and I guessed his attention was returning to his boyfriend. "Okay, well have fun with that, Dork-ules... we're gonna be partying all night long, seeing as mom's out with Jim at—"

"La la la, can't hear you!" I called over him, holding my phone away from my ear again. It's bad enough I gave a gift encouraging their risque inclinations, I don't need to hear even a tidbit of my mom's and stepdad's. "Okay, have fun, be safe; _clean the sheets_! Bye!" I could still hear my brother laughing as I hung up.

Sometimes I wonder if mom dropped him a lot as a baby.

Then again, I'm a hazardous klutz, so maybe it was a both for us.

I skipped breakfast, in a hurry to get out of the house as quickly as possible. I wasn't entirely able to avoid my dad, and so I had to spend a few minutes acting cheerful. I honestly tried to be excited about the gifts I'd asked him not to get me, but every time I had to smile, it felt like I might start crying.

I struggled to get a grip on myself as I drove into town. The vision of Pop; I would not think of it as me, was hard to get out of my head. I couldn't feel anything but despair until I pulled into the familiar parking lot behind Berry College and spotted Jake leaning motionlessly against his polished silver Audi, like a marble tribute to some forgotten pagan god of beauty. The dream had not done him justice. And he was waiting there for me, just the same as every other day at college.

Despair momentarily vanished; wonder took its place. Even after the past term with him; and everything that happened, I still couldn't believe that I deserved this degree of good fortune.

His sister Quinn was standing by his side, waiting for me, too.

Of course Jake and Quinn weren't really related. In Cedar Cove the story was that all the Darwin siblings were adopted by Dr. Mike Darwin and his younger brother, as he was plainly too young to have adult children; especially given Jake was in fact three years older than him... in human years. However, with their skin precisely the same pale shade, their eyes had the same strange black tint, with the same deep, bruise-like shadows beneath them... when they were hungry; or rather, thirsty. Mike's face too, was also startlingly beautiful. To someone in the know; someone like me, these similarities marked them for what they were.

The sight of Quinn waiting there; her crystalline eyes brilliant with excitement, and a small silver-wrapped square in her hands made me frown. I'd told Quinn I didn't want anything, anything, not gifts or even attention, for my birthday. Obviously, my wishes were being ignored.

I slammed the door of my nineteen fifty three Chevy truck, and a shower of rust specks fluttered down to the wet blacktop and walked slowly toward where they waited. Quinn skipped forward to meet me, her pixie face glowing under her flowing, fiery hair.

"Happy birthday, Taylor!"

"Shh!" I hissed, glancing around the parking lot of the mall to make sure no one had heard her. The last thing I wanted was some kind of celebration of the black event.

She ignored me. "Do you want to open your present now or later?" She asked eagerly as we made our way to where Jake still waited.

"No presents," I protested in a mumble.

She finally seemed to process my mood. "Okay later, then. Did you like the scrapbook your mom sent you? And the camera from Scott?"

I sighed. Of course she would know what my birthday presents were. Jake wasn't the only member of his family with unusual skills. Quinn would have "seen" what my parents were planning as soon as they'd decided that themselves.

"Yeah. They're great."

"I think it's a nice idea. You're only a college student once. Might as well document the experience."

"How many times have _you_ been a college student?" I snarked at her petulantly.

"That's different."

We reached Jake then, and he held out his hand for mine. I took it eagerly, forgetting, for a moment, my glum mood. His skin was, as always, smooth, hard, and very cold. He gave my fingers a gentle squeeze. I looked into his liquid cyan eyes, and my heart gave a not-quite-so-gentle squeeze of its own. Hearing the stutter in my heartbeats, he grinned again.

He lifted his free hand and traced one cool fingertip around the outside of my lips as he spoke. "So, as discussed, I ain't allowed to wish ya happy birthday, that right?"

"Yes. That is correct." I smirked as I looped my arms around his shoulder, inordinately pleased with myself for this small achievement.

"Just checkin'." He ran his hand through his shaggy, sandy hair. "Ya might've changed ya mind. Was kinda countin' on it, seein' as everybody else gets to give ya somethin' but me."

I smiled at him coyly, "You know what I want," I said leadingly. His eyes darkened and I try not to sigh, "Anyway, you can't get me something because I couldn't compete with it when getting you one, too."

Jake took my hand and placed it on his heart, "Ya givin' me everythin', Taylor, by just breathin'" He said intently, and I felt my heart dance. Damn, he can be so smooth when he wants to be. "And I was talkin' 'bout somethin' more substantial." He snorted. ""Sides, most people seem to enjoy things like birthdays and gifts."

Quinn laughed, and the sound was all silver, a wind chime. "Of course you'll enjoy it. Everyone is supposed to be nice to you today and give you your way, Taylor. What's the worst that could happen?" She meant it as a rhetorical question.

"Getting older," I answered anyway, and my voice was not as steady as I wanted it to be.

Beside me, Jake's smile tightened into a hard line.

"Twenty one isn't very old," Quinn said. "Don't most people usually wait till they're twenty-nine to get upset over birthdays?"

"It's closer to Jake," I mumbled.

He sighed.

"Technically," she said, keeping her tone light. "Just by one little year, though. You have five more to go."

"Five that, hopefully, I won't be reaching."

Jake lets out a long-suffering sigh.

I supposed if I could be sure of the future I wanted, sure that I would get to spend forever with Jake, and Quinn and the rest of the Darwin's; preferably not as a wrinkled little old man, then a year or two in one direction or the other wouldn't matter to me so much. But Jake was dead set against any future that changed me. Any future that made me like him; that made me immortal, too.

A stalemate, he called it.

I called it rejection. But I tried not to dwell on that as much as possible.

I couldn't really see Jake's point, to be honest. What was so great about mortality? Being a vampire didn't look like such a terrible thing; not the way the Darwin's did it, anyway.

"What time will you be at the house?" Quinn continued, changing the subject. From her expression, she was up to exactly the kind of thing I'd been hoping to avoid.

"I didn't know I had plans to be there."

"Oh, be _fair,_ Taylor!" she finally complained. "You aren't going to ruin all our fun like that, are you?"

"I thought my birthday was about what I want."

"I'll get him from Scott's right after shoppin'," Jake told her, ignoring me altogether.

"I have to work," I protested.

"You don't, actually," Quinn told me smugly. "I already spoke to Mrs. Mitchell about it. She's trading your shifts. She said to tell you 'Happy Birthday.'"

"I still can't come over," I stammered, scrambling for an excuse. "I, well, I haven't watched Romeo and Juliet yet for English."

Quinn snorted. "You have Romeo and Juliet memorized."

"But Mr. Chalmers said we needed to see it performed to fully appreciate it that's how Shakespeare intended it to be presented."

Jake rolled his eyes.

"You've already seen the movie," Quinn accused.

"But not the nineteen-sixties version... Mr. Chalmers said it was the best."

Finally, Quinn lost her smug smile and glared at me. "This can be easy, or this can be hard, Taylor, but one way or the other—"

Jake interrupted her threat. "Relax, Quinn. If Taylor wants to watch the dumb movie, then he can. It's his birthday."

"So there," I added smugly.

"I'll bring him over 'round seven," he continued. "That'll give ya more time to set up."

Quinn's laughter chimed again. "Sounds good. See you tonight, Taylor! It'll be fun, you'll see." She grinned the wide smile exposed all her perfect, glistening teeth. Then she pecked me on the cheek and danced off toward her first class before I could respond.

"Jake, _please—"_ I started to beg, but he pressed one cool finger to my lips.

"Later. We're gonna be late meetin' ya friends." He said with a smug grin. 

I rolled my eyes, not really in the mood for shopping; but having agreed to come just for appearances sake. Turning down the offer to come to the opening of the sales, would have led to questions about why; and that, I did not want.

No one bothered to stare at us as we held hands and entered the mall together. Even Brian Crandall, who I didn't particularly want to be around, didn't bother to give me the lewd stare that used to make me feel more than a little uncomfortable. He smiled now instead, and I was glad he seemed to have accepted that we could only be friends. Brian had changed over the winter holiday's. His face had lost some of the roundness, making his cheekbones more prominent, and he was wearing his red blond hair a new way; instead of bristly, it was longer and gelled into a carefully casual disarray. The best part though, seemed to be that his attitude had finally been adjusted. I was pleased that he seemed moderately respectful and didn't cringe the few occasions we talked nowadays. Who would have thought?

As the day progressed, I considered ways to get out of whatever was going down at the Darwin house tonight. It would be bad enough to have to celebrate when I was in the mood to mourn. But, worse than that, this was sure to involve attention and gifts.

Attention is never a good thing, as any other accident prone klutz would agree. No one wants a spotlight when they're likely to fall on their face. Although, I had been making progress in that area. I was only really disastrous now when not with Jake... or with Jake and distracted by him.

And I'd very pointedly asked well, ordered really that no one give me any presents this year. It looked like Scott and Julia weren't the only ones who had decided to overlook that.

I'd never had much money, and that had never bothered me. Julia had raised me on a kindergarten teacher's salary. Scott wasn't getting rich at his job, either he was the police chief here in the tiny town of Cedar Cove. My only personal income came from the three days a week I worked at the local sporting goods store. In a town this small, I was lucky to have a job. Every penny I made went into my microscopic university fund. University was Plan B. I was still hoping for Plan A, but Jake was ridiculously stubborn about leaving me human. I tried not to let that worry me; to grow into a fear that he didn't really want me, but it was sadly an inescapable thought sometimes.

Jake had a lot of money. I didn't even want to think about how much. Money meant next to nothing to Jake or the rest of the Darwin's. It was just something that accumulated when you had unlimited time on your hands and a sister who had an uncanny ability to predict trends in the stock market. Jake didn't seem to understand why I objected to him spending money on me why it made me uncomfortable if he took me to an expensive restaurant in Seattle, why he wasn't allowed to buy me a car that could reach speeds over fifty-five miles an hour, or why I wouldn't let him pay my University tuition. He was ridiculously enthusiastic about Plan B.

Jake thought I was being unnecessarily difficult.

But how could I let him give me things when I had nothing to reciprocate with? He, for some unfathomable reason, wanted to be with me. Anything he gave me on top of that just threw us more out of balance.

As the day went on, neither Jake nor Quinn brought my birthday up again, and I began to relax a little.

We sat across two tables in a small Subway for lunch.

A strange kind of truce existed at our lunch table in college. The three of us; Jake, Quinn, and I; sat on the extreme southern end of the table. Now that the "older" and somewhat scarier Darwin siblings had all transferred or passed their courses early, Quinn and Jake did not seem quite so intimidating, and we did not sit here alone. My other friends, Brian and Zoe; who were in the awkward post-breakup friendship phase, Cameron and Aiden; whose relationship was blossoming nicely, Myra, Ava, Caleb, and Kara, though that last one didn't really count in the friend category, all sat at the same table, on the other side of an invisible line. That line dissolved on sunny days when Jake and Quinn always skipped college, and then the conversation would swell out effortlessly to include me. This strange seating arrangement applied now too, with the three of us at one table; and the others laughing and jostling at another.

Jake and Quinn didn't find this minor ostracism odd or hurtful the way I would have. They barely noticed it. People always felt strangely ill at ease with the Darwin's, almost afraid for some reason they couldn't explain to themselves. I was a rare exception to that rule. Sometimes it bothered Jake how very comfortable I was with being close to him. He thought he was hazardous to my health; an opinion I rejected vehemently whenever he voiced it.

The afternoon passed quickly. Shopping finally ended, and Jake walked me to my truck as he usually did at college. But this time, he held the passenger door open for me. Quinn must have been taking his car home so that he could keep me from making a run for it.

I folded my arms and made no move to get out of the rain. "It's my birthday, don't I get to drive?"

"I'm pretendin' it ain' ya birthday, just like ya wanted."

"If it's not my birthday, then I don't have to go to your house tonight."

"Alright." He shut the passenger door and walked past me to open the driver's side. "Happy birthday."

"Shh," I shushed him halfheartedly. I climbed in the opened door, wishing he'd taken the other offer.

Jake played with the radio while I drove, shaking his head in disapproval.

"Ya radio's got shit reception."

I frowned. I didn't like it when he picked on my truck. The truck was great; it had personality.

"You want a nice stereo? Drive your own damn car." I was so nervous about Quinn's plans, on top of my already gloomy mood, that the words came out sharper than I'd meant them. I was hardly ever bad-tempered with Jake, and my tone made him press his lips together to keep from smiling.

When I parked in front of Scott's house, he reached over to take my face in his hands. He handled me very carefully, pressing just the tips of his fingers softly against my temples, my cheekbones, my jawline. Like I was especially breakable. Which was exactly the case compared with him, at least.

"Ya oughta be in a good mood, today of all days," he whispered. His sweet breath fanned across my face.

"And if I don't want to be in a good mood?" I asked, my breathing uneven.

His cerulean eyes smoldered. "Too bad."

My head was already spinning by the time he leaned closer and pressed his icy lips against mine. As he intended, no doubt, I forgot all about my worries, and concentrated on remembering how to inhale and exhale.

His mouth lingered on mine, cold and smooth and gentle, until I wrapped my arms around his neck and threw myself into the kiss with a little too much enthusiasm. I could feel his lips curve upward as he let go of my face and reached back to unlock my grip on him.

Jake had drawn many careful lines for our physical relationship, with the intent being to keep me alive. Though I respected the need for maintaining a safe distance between my skin and his razor-sharp, venom-coated teeth, I tended to forget about trivial things like that when he was kissing me.

"Behave, will ya?" He breathed against my cheek. He pressed his lips gently to mine one more time and then pulled away, folding my arms across my stomach.

My pulse was thudding in my ears. I put one hand over my heart. It drummed hyper-actively under my palm.

"Do you think I'll ever get better at this?" I wondered, mostly to myself. "That my heart might someday stop trying to jump out of my chest whenever you touch me?"

"I kinda hope not," he said, a bit smug.

I rolled my eyes. "Let's go watch the Capulet's and Montague's hack each other up, all right?"

"Ya wish, my command."

Jake sprawled across the couch while I started the movie, fast-forwarding through the opening credits.

When I perched on the edge of the sofa in front of him, he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me against his chest. It wasn't exactly as comfortable as a sofa cushion would be, what with his chest being hard and cold and perfect as an ice sculpture, but it was definitely preferable. He pulled the old afghan off the back of the couch and draped it over me so I wouldn't freeze beside his body.

"Ya know, I never had much patience with Romeo," he commented as the movie started.

"What's wrong with Romeo?" I asked, a little offended. Romeo was one of my favorite fictional characters. Until I'd met Jake, I'd sort of had a thing for him.

"First of all, he's in love with Rosaline; don't ya think it makes him pretty bloody fickle? Then, just minutes after their weddin', he kills Juliet's cousin. Ain't exactly brilliant. Mistake after mistake. Could he have destroyed his own happiness any more thorough?"

I sighed. "Do you want me to watch this alone?"

"Nah, I'll just be watchin' _you,_ anyway." His fingers traced patterns across the skin of my arm, raising goose bumps. "Are ya gonna cry?"

"Probably," I admitted, "if I'm paying attention."

"I won't distract ya then." But I felt his lips on my hair, and it was very distracting.

The movie eventually captured my interest, thanks in large part to Jake whispering Romeo's lines in my ear; his irresistible, gruff but velvet voice made the actor's voice sound weak and coarse by comparison. And I did cry, to his amusement, when Juliet woke and found her new husband dead.

"I'll admit, I do kinda envy him here," Jake said, drying my tears gently with his cool thumb.

"She's very pretty." I said stiffly, pouting as I avoided his gaze.

He made a disgusted sound. "I don't envy him for the _girl,_ ya idiot..." He scoffed, shaking his head as he scowled at me. "Ya know damn well, 's not the kinda anatomy I'd be interested in, ya little shit." He added, narrowing his eyes as I wriggled and tried to hide my smug grin. "'S just... the ease of the suicide," he clarified, returning to a teasing tone. "Humans've got it so bloody easy! All ya gotta do is throw down one tiny vial of plant grog."

"What?" I gasped.

"'S somethin' I had to think 'bout once, and I knew from Mike's dumbass tryin' that it weren't gonna be simple. I ain't even sure how many ways Mike tried to kill himself in the beginnin'... after he realized what he'd become" His voice, which had grown serious, turned light again. "And he's clearly still in excellent health."

I twisted around so that I could read his face. "What are you talking about?" I demanded. "What do you mean, this something you had to think about once?"

"October, when ya were nearly..." He paused to take a deep breath, snuggling to return to his teasing tone. "'Course I was tryin' to focus on findin' ya alive, but part of my mind was makin' back up plans. Like I said, ain't as easy for me as it is for a human."

For one second, the memory of my last trip to Sunset Beach washed through my head and made me feel dizzy. I could see it all so clearly; the blinding sun, the heat waves coming off the concrete as I ran with desperate haste to find the sadistic vampire who wanted to torture me to death. Rex, waiting in the mirrored room with my brother as his hostage or so I'd thought. I hadn't known it was all a ruse. Just as Rex hadn't known that Jake was racing to save me; Jake made it in time, but it had been a close one. Unthinkingly, my fingers traced the crescent-shaped scar on my hand that was always just a few degrees cooler than the rest of my skin.

I shook my head as if I could shake away the bad memories and tried to grasp what Jake meant. My stomach plunged uncomfortably. "Back up plans?" I repeated.

"Well, I weren't gonna live without ya." He rolled his eyes as if that fact were childishly obvious. "But I weren't sure how to do it. I knew Mike, Craig and Kele'd never help, so I was thinkin' maybe I'd go to Italy and do somethin' to provoke the Volturi."

I didn't want to believe he was serious, but his cerulean eyes were brooding, focused on something far away in the distance as he contemplated ways to end his own life. Abruptly, I was furious.

"What exactly, is a Volturi?" I demanded.

"The Volturi're a family," he explained, his eyes still remote. "Very old, very powerful; a family of _our_ kind. Closest thing our world has to a royal family, I s'pose. Mike lived with 'em briefly in his early years, in Italy, before he settled in America. D'ya remember the story?"

"Of course I remember." I snapped viciously, narrowing my eyes at him.

I would never forget the first time I'd gone to his home, the huge white mansion buried deep in the forest beside the river, or the room where Mike; Jake's brother in so many real ways, kept a wall of paintings that illustrated his personal history. The most vivid, most wildly colorful canvas there, the largest, was from Mike's time in Italy. Of course I remembered the calm quartet of men, each with the exquisite face of a seraph, painted into the highest balcony overlooking the swirling mayhem of color. Though the painting was centuries old, Mike, the raven haired angel remained unchanged. And I remembered the three others, Mike's early acquaintances. Jake had never used the name Volturi for the beautiful trio, two black-haired, one snowy grey. He'd called them Everett, Rowan, and Silas, nighttime patrons of the arts

"Well, ya don't irritate the Volturi," Jake went on, interrupting ray reverie. "Not unless ya wanna die... or whatever it is we do." His voice was so calm, it made him sound almost bored by the prospect.

My anger collided with horror. I took his marble face between my hands and held it very tightly.

"You must never, never, _never_ think of anything like that again!" I ordered, my lips a thin line in my irritation. "No matter what might ever happen to me, you are not allowed to hurt yourself!" I barked roughly, scowling at him as he raised a brow in surprise and vague amusement. "I mean it, Jacob Lucas McKenzie-"

"How'd ya know... Quinn, godammit..." Jake groaned, covering his eyes with his hand in frustration.

"Hey, I'm not done yelling at you! Look at me, you gorgeous bastard!" I ordered, slapping uselessly at his hand.

"Gorgeous bastard?" He asked, his lips quirking into a grin as he continued to hide his eyes with his hand.

"Shut up!" I snapped, narrowing my eyes and leaning forward to press my mouth to his. He tensed, dropping his hand as he was taken by surprise and staring at me as I pulled back with a smug grin. "Don't you _ever_ , even _consider_ the idea of suicide again; or else I'll... I'll..." I stammered, momentarily losing steam from my furious thoughts as I wondered just what the hell i could use to threaten a vampire. Jake peeked at me between his fingers, clearly amused by my efforts. "I'll hit you with something! Something... really big... and heavy..." I let myself trail off, knowing I'd already lost him when he started laughing.

"I ain't gonna put ya in danger again, so 's a moot point." He snickered.

"Put me in danger! I thought we'd established that all the bad luck is my fault?" I was getting angry again, and privately hoping I might be able to regain control of my previous rant. "How dare you even think like that?" The idea of Jake ceasing to exist, even if I were dead, was impossibly painful.

"What'd _you_ do, if the situation were reversed?" he asked.

"That's not the same thing."

He didn't seem to understand the difference. He chuckled.

"What if something did happen to you?" I blanched at the thought. "Would you want me to go off myself?"

A trace of pain touched his perfect features.

"I guess I see ya point a little," he admitted. "But what'd I do without ya?"

"Whatever you were doing before I came along and complicated your existence."

He sighed. "Ya make that sound so easy."

"It should be. I'm not really that interesting."

He was about to argue, but then he let it go. "Moot point," he reminded me. Abruptly, he pulled himself up into a more formal posture, shifting me to the side so that we were no longer touching.

"Scott?" I guessed.

Jake smiled. After a moment, I heard the sound of the police cruiser pulling into the driveway. I reached out and took his hand firmly. My dad could deal with that much.

Scott came in with a pizza box in his hands.

"Hey, kiddos." He grinned at me. "I thought you'd like a break from cooking and washing dishes for your birthday. Hungry?"

"Sure. Thanks, Dad."

Scott didn't comment on Jake's apparent lack of appetite. He was used to Jake passing on dinner.

"Ya mind if I borrow Taylor for the evenin'?" Jake asked when Scott and I were done.

I looked at Scott hopefully. Maybe he had some concept of birthdays as stay-at-home, family affairs, this was my first birthday with him, the first birthday since my mom, Julia, had remarried and gone to live in New York, so I didn't know what he would expect.

"That's fine. There’s a programme about how model trains are made in the current day and age; compared to fifty years ago I wanted to catch tonight," Scott explained, and my hope disappeared. "So I won't be any kind of company... Here." He scooped up the camera he'd gotten me on Julia's suggestion; because I would need pictures to fill up my scrap-book, and threw it to me.

He ought to know better than that I'd always been coordination-ally challenged. The camera glanced off the tip of my finger, and tumbled toward the floor. Jake snagged it before it could crash onto the linoleum.

"Nice save," Scott noted. "If they're doing something fun at the Darwin’s tonight, Taylor, you should take some pictures. You know how your mother gets... she'll be wanting to see the pictures faster than you can take them."

"Smart, Scott," Jake said, handing me the camera.

I turned the camera on Jake, and snapped the first picture. "It works."

"That's good. Hey, say hi to Quinn for me. She hasn't been over in a while." Scott's mouth pulled down at one corner.

"It's been three days, Dad," I reminded him. Scott was crazy about Quinn. He'd become attached when she'd helped me through my awkward convalescence; Scott would be forever grateful to her for saving him from the horror of a stroppy adult son who wasn’t allowed to stand long enough to cook properly. "I'll tell her."

"Okay. You kids have fun tonight." It was clearly a dismissal. Scott was already edging toward the living room and the TV.

"My twenty first birthday and I'm still considered a kid, even with my twenty six year old boyfriend..." I muttered petulantly.

Jake smiled, triumphant, and took my hand to pull me from the kitchen.

When we got to the truck, he opened the passenger door for me again, and this time I didn't argue. I still had a hard time finding the obscure turnoff to his house in the dark.

Jake drove north through Cedar Cove, visibly chafing at the speed limit enforced by my prehistoric Chevy. The engine groaned even louder than usual as he pushed it over fifty.

"Take it easy," I warned him.

"Ya know what ya'd love? A nice little Audi coupe. Very quiet, lots of power"

"There's nothing wrong with my truck. And speaking of expensive non-essentials, if you know what's good for you, you didn't spend any money on birthday presents."

"Not a dime," he said virtuously.

"Good."

"Taylor... do me a favor, will ya?"

"That depends on what it is."

He sighed, his lovely face serious. "Taylor, the last real birthday any of us had was Craig in nineteen thirty five. Cut us a little slack, and don't be too difficult tonight. They're all pretty excited."

It always startled me a little when he brought up things like that. "Fine, I'll behave."

"I probably should warn ya..."

"Oh god, what now?"

"When I say they're all excited, I do mean _all_ of 'em."

"Everyone?" I choked. "I thought Craig and Zahra were in the Amazon." The rest of Cedar Cove was under the impression that the older Darwin’s had gone off to college this year, to Yale, but I knew better.

"Craig wanted to be here."

"But Zahra?"

"I know, Taylor. Don't worry, she'll be on her best behavior."

I didn't answer. Like I could just not worry, that easy. Unlike Quinn, Jake's "adopted" neice, the dark haired, exquisite and terrifying Zahra, didn't like me much. Actually, the feeling was a little bit stronger than just dislike. As far as Zahra was concerned, I was an unwelcome intruder into her family's secret life.

I felt horribly guilty about the present situation, guessing that Zahra and Craig's prolonged absence was my fault, even as I furtively enjoyed not having to see her. Craig, Jake's playful bear of a brother, I did miss. He was in many ways just like the bigger brother I'd always wanted only much, much more terrifying. Of course, I ended up with Jordan, who was annoying and just stole my bedroom and no doubt lived in both sin and filth in it before they moved away.

Jake decided to change the subject. "So, if ya won't let me get ya the Audi, ain't there anythin' ya'd like for ya birthday?"

The words came out in a whisper. "You know what I want."

A deep frown carved creases into his marble forehead. He obviously wished he'd stuck to the subject of Zahra.

It felt like we'd had this argument a lot today.

"Not tonight, Taylor. _Please."_

"Well, maybe Quinn will give me what I want."

Jake growled a deep, menacing sound. "This ain't gonna be ya last birthday, Taylor," he vowed.

"It doesn't have to be for this year... so long as I know it's coming sometime before my twenty seventh—"

"Taylor!" Jake grimaced, glancing over at me in exasperation. "It ain't gonna happen, alright?!"

"That's not _fair_!"

The sense of rejection was back. I looked away to hide it from his all seeing eyes.

I thought I heard his teeth clench together.

We were pulling up to the house now. Bright light shone from every window on the first two floors. A long line of glowing Japanese lanterns hung from the porch eaves, reflecting a soft radiance on the huge cedars that surrounded the house. Big bowls of flowers, blue dahlias, lined the wide stairs up to the front doors.

I groaned.

Jake took a few deep breaths to calm himself. "This's a party," he reminded me. "Try'n be a good sport."

"Sure," I muttered.

He came around to get my door, and offered me his hand.

"I have a question."

He waited warily.

"If I develop this film," I said, toying with the camera in my hands, "will you show up in the picture?"

Jake started laughing. He helped me out of the car, pulled me up the stairs, and was still laughing as he opened the door for me.

They were all waiting in the huge white living room; when I walked through the door, they greeted me with a loud chorus of "Happy birthday, Taylor!" while I blushed and looked down. Quinn, I assumed, had covered every flat surface with blue candles and dozens of crystal bowls filled with hundreds of dahlias. There was a table with a white cloth draped over it next to Jake's grand piano, holding a blue birthday cake, more dahlias, a stack of glass plates, and a small pile of silver-wrapped presents.

It was a hundred times worse than I'd imagined.

Jake, sensing my distress, wrapped an encouraging arm around my waist and kissed the top of my head.

Jake's friends, Mike and Grace; impossibly youthful and lovely as ever, were the closest to the door. Grace hugged me carefully, her soft, curly hair brushing against my cheek as she kissed my forehead, and then Mike put his arm around my shoulders.

"Sorry ‘bout this, Kiddo," he stage-whispered. "We couldn't rein Ariel in."

Zahra and Craig stood behind them. Zahra didn't smile, but at least she didn't glare. Craig's face was stretched into a huge grin. It had been months since I'd seen them; I'd forgotten how gloriously beautiful and scary Zahra was. It almost hurt to look at her. And had Craig always been so big?

"You haven't changed at all, brah!" Craig said with mock disappointment. "I expected some big difference, but here you are, red-faced just like always."

"Thanks a lot, Craig," I said, blushing deeper.

He laughed, "I have to step out for a second," he paused to wink conspicuously at Quinn. "Don't do anything funny while I'm gone."

"I'll uh, try?"

Quinn let go of Kele's hand and skipped forward, all her teeth sparkling in the bright light. Kele smiled, too, but kept his distance. He leaned, long and dark, against the post at the foot of the stairs. During the days we'd had to spend cooped up together in Sunset Beach, I'd thought he'd gotten over his aversion to me. But he'd gone back to exactly how he'd acted before avoiding me as much as possible the moment he was free from that temporary obligation to protect me. I knew it wasn't personal, just a precaution, and I tried not to be overly sensitive about it. Kele had more trouble sticking to the Darwin's diet than the rest of them; the scent of human blood was much harder for him to resist than the other she hadn't been trying as long.

"Time to open presents," Quinn declared. She put her cool hand under my elbow and towed me to the table with the cake and the shiny packages.

I put on my best martyr face. "Quinn, I know I told you I didn't want anything"

"But I didn't listen," she interrupted, smug. "Open it." She took the camera from my hands and replaced it with a big, square silver box.

The box was so light that it felt empty. The tag on top said that it was from Craig, Zahra, and Kele. Self-consciously, I tore the paper off and then stared at the box it concealed.

It was something electrical, with lots of numbers in the name. I opened the box, hoping for further illumination. But the box was empty.

"Um... thanks."

Zahra actually cracked a crooked smile.

Kele laughed. "It's a stereo for your truck," he explained. "Craig's installing it now so that you can't return it."

Quinn was always one step ahead of me. "Thanks, Kele, Zahra," I told them, grinning as I remembered Jake's complaints about my radio this afternoon all a setup, apparently. "Thanks, Craig!" I called more loudly.

I heard his booming laugh from my truck, and I couldn't help but laugh, too.

"Open mine and Jake's next," Quinn said, so excited her voice was a high-pitched trill. She held a small, flat square in her hand.

I turned to give Jake a basilisk glare. "You _promised."_

Before he could answer, Craig bounded through the door. "Just in time!" he crowed. He pushed in behind Kele, who had also drifted closer than usual to get a better look.

"I didn't spend a dime," Jake assured me. He brushed a knuckle gently across my face, leaving my skin tingling from his touch.

I inhaled deeply and turned to Quinn. "Give it to me," I sighed.

Craig chuckled with delight.

I took the little package, rolling my eyes at Jake while I stuck my finger under the edge of the paper and jerked it under the tape.

"Shoot," I muttered when the paper sliced my finger; I pulled it out to examine the damage. A single drop of blood oozed from the tiny cut.

It all happened very quickly then.

"No!" Jake roared.

He threw himself at me, flinging me back across the table. It fell, as I did, scattering the cake and the presents, the flowers and the plates. I landed in the mess of shattered crystal.

Kele slammed into Jake, and the sound was like the crash of boulders in a rock slide.

There was another noise, a grisly snarling that seemed to be coming from deep in Kele's chest. Kele tried to shove past Jake, snapping his teeth just inches from Jake's face.

Craig grabbed Kele from behind in the next second, locking him into his massive steel grip, but Kele struggled on, his wild, empty eyes focused only on me.

Beyond the shock, there was also pain. I'd tumbled down to the floor behind the piano and knocked over Jake's guitar, with my arms thrown out instinctively to catch my fall, into the jagged shards of glass. Only now did I feel the searing, stinging pain that ran from my wrist to the crease inside my elbow.

Dazed and disoriented, I looked up from the bright red blood pulsing out of my arm; into the fevered eyes of six; suddenly ravenous vampires.


	2. Awkward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mike as Carlisle is ❤
> 
> It's also refreshing to have him interact with Taylor, as if he sees him already as family.
> 
> x Our love to you all x  
> ✲ﾟ｡.(✿╹◡╹)ﾉ♡.｡₀:*ﾟ✲ﾟ

**Awkward**

Mike was the only one who stayed calm. Centuries of experience in the emergency room were evident in his quiet, authoritative voice.

"Craig, Snape, get Kele outside."

Unsmiling for once, Craig nodded. "Come on, Kele."

Kele struggled against Craig's unbreakable grasp, twisting around, reaching toward his brother with his bared teeth, his eyes still past reason.

Jake's face was whiter than bone as he wheeled to crouch over me, taking a clearly defensive position. A low warning growl slid from between his clenched teeth. I could tell that he wasn't breathing.

Zahra, her divine face strangely smug, stepped in front of Kele; keeping a careful distance from his teeth, and helped Craig wrestle and shove him through the glass door that Grace held open, one hand pressed over her mouth and nose.

Grace's kind hearted face was ashamed. "I'm so sorry, Taylor," she cried as she followed the others into the yard.

"Let me by, Grandpa," Mike murmured.

A second passed, and then Jake nodded slowly and relaxed his stance.

Mike knelt beside me, leaning close to examine my arm. I could feel the shock frozen on my face, and I tried to compose it.

"Here, Mike," Quinn said, handing him a towel.

He shook his head. "Too much glass in the wound." He reached over and ripped a long, thin scrap from the bottom of the white tablecloth. He twisted it around my arm above the elbow to form a tourniquet. The smell of the blood was making me dizzy. My ears rang.

"Hey, Kiddo," Mike said softly. "D'ya want me to drive ya to the hospital, or d'ya want me to take care of it here?"

"Um... here, please," I whispered. If he took me to the hospital, there would be no way to keep this from Scott.

"I'll get your bag," Quinn said.

"Let's get him in the kitchen," Mike said to Jake.

Jake lifted me effortlessly, while Mike kept the pressure steady on my arm.

"How ya doin', Kiddo?" Mike asked.

"I'm fine." My voice was surprisingly steady, which pleased me.

Jake's face was like stone.

Quinn was there. Mike's black bag was already on the table, a small but brilliant desk light plugged into the wall. Jake sat me gently into a chair, and Mike pulled up another. He went to work at once.

Jake stood over me, still protective, still not breathing.

"Just go, Jake," I sighed.

"I can manage," he insisted.

But his jaw was rigid; his eyes burned with the intensity of the thirst he fought, so much worse for him than it was for the others.

"You don't need to be a hero," I said. "Mike can fix me up without your help. Get some fresh air, please." I winced as Mike did something to my arm that stung.

"I'll stay," he said.

"Why are you so masochistic?" I mumbled.

Mike decided to intercede. "Jake, ya might as well go find Kele 'fore he gets too far. I'm guessin' he's pretty pissed at himself, and I reckon he ain't gonna listen to anyone but _you_ right now."

"Yes," I eagerly agreed. "Go find Kele."

"You might as well do something useful," Quinn added.

Jake's eyes narrowed as we ganged up on him, but, finally, he nodded once and sprinted smoothly through the kitchen's back door. I was sure he hadn't taken a breath since I'd sliced my finger.

A numb, dead feeling was spreading through my arm.

Though it erased the sting, it reminded me of the gash, and I watched Mike's face carefully to distract me from what his hands were doing. His hair gleamed onyx in the bright light as he bent over my arm. I could feel the faint stirrings of unease in the pit of my stomach, but I was determined not to let my usual squeamishness get the best of me. There was no pain now, just a gentle tugging sensation that I tried to ignore. No reason to get sick like a baby.

If she hadn't been in my line of sight, I wouldn't have noticed Quinn give up and steal out of the room. With a tiny, apologetic smile on her lips, she disappeared through the kitchen doorway.

"Well, that's everyone," I sighed. "I can clear a room, at least."

"Ain't ya fault," Mike comforted me with a chuckle. "Could happen to anyone, ya know."

 _"Could"_ I repeated. "But it usually just happens to _me."_

He laughed again.

His relaxed calm was only more amazing set in direct contrast with everyone else's reaction. I couldn't find any trace of anxiety in his face. He worked with quick, sure movements. The only sound besides our quiet breathing was the soft plink, plink as the tiny fragments of glass dropped one by one to the table.

"How can you do this?" I demanded. "Even Quinn and Grace..." I trailed off, shaking my head in wonder.

Though the rest of them had given up the traditional diet of vampires just as absolutely as Mike had, he was the only one who could bear the smell of my blood without suffering from the intense temptation. Clearly, this was much more difficult than he made it seem.

"Pfft, I got years o' practice on those lightweights," he told me with a snicker. "I don't much notice the scent anymore."

"Do you think it would be harder, if you took a vacation from the hospital for a long time..? If you weren't around any blood?"

"Dunno." Mike shrugged his shoulders, but his hands remained steady. "Ain't ever felt the need for any holiday." He flashed a brilliant smile in my direction. "Enjoy me work too much."

Plink, plink, plink. I was surprised at how much glass there seemed to be in my arm. I was tempted to glance at the growing pile, just to check the size, but I knew that idea would not be helpful to my no-vomiting strategy.

"What is it that you enjoy?" I wondered.

It didn't make sense to me; the years of struggle and self-denial he must have spent to get to the point where he could endure this so easily. Besides, I wanted to keep him talking; the conversation kept my mind off the queasy feeling in my stomach.

His dark eyes were calm and thoughtful as he answered. "Huh. What I enjoy most's when my... sweet ass abilities," he snickered and winked playfully. "Lemme save someone who'd otherwise've been lost. It's good knowin' that, thanks to what I can do, some folk's lives're better... 'cause I exist. Even the sense of smell is a big help in diagnosin' stuff." One side of his mouth pulled up in half a smile.

I mulled that over while he poked around, making sure all the glass splinters were gone. Then he rummaged in his bag for new tool, and I tried not to picture a needle and thread.

"You try very hard to make up for something that was never your fault," I suggested while a new kind of tugging started at the edges of my skin. "What I mean is, it's not like you asked for this. You didn't choose this kind of life, and yet you have to work so hard to be good."

"I dunno I'm makin' up for anythin'," he disagreed with a light laugh. "Like everythin' in life, I just had to figure out how to use what I were given."

"That makes it sound too easy."

He examined my arm again. "There," he said, snipping a thread. "All done." He wiped an over-sized Q-tip, dripping with some syrup-colored liquid, thoroughly across the operation site. The smell was strange; it made my head spin. The syrup stained my skin.

"In the beginning, though," I pressed while he taped another long piece of gauze securely in place, sealing it to my skin. "Why did you even think to try a different way than the obvious one?"

His lips turned up in a private smile. "Ain't Grandpa told ya this story?"

"Yes. But I'm trying to understand what _you_ were thinking."

His face was suddenly serious again, and I wondered if his thoughts had gone to the same place that mine had. Wondering what I would be thinking when... I refused to think _if_ it was me.

"Ya know me pap were a clergyman," he mused as he cleaned the table carefully, rubbing everything down with wet gauze, and then doing it again. The smell of alcohol burned in my nose. "He'd a harsher view of the world, which I were already beginnin' to question, 'fore the time I changed." Mike put all the dirty gauze and the glass slivers into an empty crystal bowl. I didn't understand what he was doing, even when he lit the match. Then he threw it onto the alcohol-soaked fibers, and the sudden blaze made me jump.

"Sorry," he apologized. "That oughta do it... So I didn't agree with me pap's particular brand o' faith. But never, in nearly four hundred years since I were uh... _born,_ have I ever seen anythin' to make me doubt God existin'... in some form or other. Not even this handsome reflection in the mirror."

I pretended to examine the dressing on my arm to hide my surprise at the direction our conversation had taken. Religion was the last thing I expected, all things considered. My own life was fairly devoid of belief. Scott considered himself an Atheist, because that's what his parents had been, but Sundays he worshiped by the river with a fishing pole in his hand. Julia tried out a church now and then, but, much like her brief affairs with tennis, pottery, yoga, and French classes, she moved on by the time either Jordan or I was aware of her newest fad.

"Sure this sounds kinda crazy, comin' from a vampire." He grinned, knowing how their casual use of that word never failed to shock me. "But I'm hopin' there's still a point to life, even for us. 'S a long shot, I know," he continued in an offhand voice. "By all 'counts, we're damned regardless. But I hope, maybe foolishly, that we'll get some sorta... extra credit or somethin', for tryin'."

"I don't think that's foolish," I mumbled. I couldn't imagine anyone, deity included, who wouldn't be impressed by Mike. Besides, the only kind of heaven I could appreciate would have to include Jake. "And I don't think anyone else would, either."

"Actually, ya the first to agree with me." Mike laughed, shaking his head fondly.

"The rest of them don't feel the same?" I asked, surprised, thinking of only one person in particular.

Mike guessed the direction of my thoughts again. "Jake's with me; up to a point. God and heaven exist; and so do hell. But he don't believe there's an afterlife... for _our_ kind." Mike's voice was very soft; he stared out the big window over the sink, into the darkness. "See, he thinks we lost our souls."

I immediately thought of Jake's words this afternoon: unless you want to die; or whatever it is that we do. The light-bulb flicked on over my head.

"That's the real problem, isn't it?" I guessed. "That's why he's being so difficult about me."

Mike spoke slowly. "I look at my brother... His strength, his goodness, the brightness that shines outta him; and it only fuels that hope, that faith, more'n ever. How couldn't there be more, for someone like Jake?" He asked, though he raised a finger and wagged it at me playfully. "But don't ya ever tell him I said all that 'bout him, right?"

I nodded in fervent agreement, smiling warmly.

"But if I believed what he does..." He looked down at me with unfathomable eyes. "If _you_ believed as he does. Could ya take away his soul?"

The way he phrased the question thwarted my answer.

If he'd asked me whether I would risk my soul for Jake, the reply would be obvious. But would I risk Jake's soul? I pursed my lips unhappily. That wasn't a fair exchange.

"Ya see the problem." He said, spreading his palms and snickering. "Besides that he's a stubborn bastard, that is."

I shook my head, aware of the stubborn set of my chin.

Mike sighed.

"It's _my_ choice," I insisted.

"'S his, too." He held up his hand when he could see that I was about to argue. "Whether he's responsible for doin' that to ya."

"He's not the only one able to do it." I eyed Mike speculatively.

He laughed, abruptly lightening the mood. "Ha, aw hell, no! Ya gonna have to work this out with him. This is one lover's spat I ain't gettin' in on." But then he sighed. "Ya know, 's the one part I ain't ever been sure of. I think, in most ways, I've done the best I could with what I were handed... But were it right to doom the others to this life? I can't ever decide."

I didn't answer. I imagined what my life would be like if Mike had resisted the temptation to change his lonely existence; and shuddered.

"Was Jake's sister, finally made up me mind." Mike's voice was almost a whisper. He stared unseeingly out the black windows.

"His sister?" Whenever I'd asked Jake about his family, he would merely say that they had died long ago, and his memories were vague. I realized Mike's memory of them, despite the brevity of their contact, would be perfectly clear.

"Yeah. Her name was Rebecca. Rebecca McKenzie... His mam and pap'd told him not to enlist, but he ain't changed a bit in the regards of bein' a stubborn bastard, so he went and did it anyway." Mike snorted, rolling his eyes fondly. "They never forgave him... but Rebecca'd write him letters. I never met her, personal like, but she'd sent somethin' for whatever doctor had need to treat his sorry ass; if he were ever hurt. Was in his hand when they left him in the hall... think he wanted to feel close to her, when he..."

"What did it say..?" I murmured, trying hard not to picture Jake dying.

"To save him." Mike's hazelnut eyes were a hundred years away now. "Rebecca, from what I read, was a real firecracker... lot like _you_ sometimes get." He added with a smirk. "She'd sent him this note, told him to keep it in his pocket; just in case, it said. I laughed when I saw it, thought it was a damn joke. Readin' it though... was a real eye opener, ya know? She told whoever was seein' to him, that they oughta do whatever the hell they had to to save him, so she could kick his ass for gettin' hurt. Direct quote."

He laughed quietly as his eyes turned distant, lost to the memories which he held in his minds eye.

"I expected he'd go pretty quick, bein' truthful, he was a bloody mess; there weren't nothin' even I could've done to stop that many wounds from winnin'... except, _one_ thing. When the end came for him, it were just after sunset, and I'd arrived to relieve the doctors who'd been working all day. That was a hard time to pretend. There were a whole lotta work to be done, and I had no need to rest. I hated havin' to go back to the house, to hide in the dark and pretend to sleep while so many were dyin'. I went back; and there he was, with a note from some irate sister, tellin' me to use _every_ power I held to save him." Mike's eyes turned troubled briefly, half returning to the present as he looked up at me. " _What others cannot do, that's what ya gotta do for my stupid brother, Jake_."

Mike drew a deep breath and shook his head minutely, scratching his ear in a weirdly human gesture of discomfort.

"Scared the shit outta me in one sense, I mean; was basically written permission." He snorted, humming as his eyes once more turned unfocused. I wondered what he was seeing. "I'd spent decades toyin' with' the idea of creatin' a companion for myself. Just one other creature, who'd really know me, rather'n what I pretended to be. But I'd never justified it to myself; doin' what'd been done to me."

"There Jake lay, dyin'. Was clear he only had hours left." I could almost see it myself as Mike watched it all again, his memory un-blurred by the intervening century. I could see it clearly, too, as he spoke the despair of the hospital, the overwhelming atmosphere of death. Jake burning with fever and riddled with bloody holes, his life slipping away with each tick of the clock. I shuddered again, and forced the picture from my mind.

"Written words they may've been, but Rebecca's note was like a drum in my head. How'd she guess what I could do? Could anyone really want that for their brother? Was I just imaginin' things, to fit my selfish plans?"

"I looked at Jake... scruffy bastard; and sick as he were, he were still beautiful. There was something' pure and good 'bout his face. Kinda face I'd have wanted a brother, son or cousin to have." Mike mused, glancing back up at my with a sly grin. "Only child syndrome, ya know?" I laughed, shaking my head at his attempt to lighten the atmosphere.

"After all 'em years of indecision, I ended up actin' on a whim. I wheeled his sorry ass down to the morgue. No one noticed he were still breathin'. Weren't enough hands or eyes, to keep track of half the patients. Morgue were empty; of the livin', at least. I stole him out the back door, and carried him 'cross the rooftops back to my place." Mike paused and licked his lips, his head cocked to the side as he struggled to find words briefly. "I weren't sure what had to be done, bein' truthful. I settled for recreatin' the wounds I'd received myself, so many centuries earlier. Felt bad 'bout that later. Was more painful and lingerin' than needed."

"I weren't sorry, though. Ain't ever been sorry I saved Jake." He shook his head, coming back to the present. He smiled at me. "I s'pose I oughta take ya home now."

"I'll do that," Jake said. He came through the shadowy dining room, walking slowly for him. His face was smooth, unreadable, but there was something wrong with his eyes something he was trying very hard to hide. I felt a spasm of unease in my stomach.

"Mike can take me," I said. I looked down at my shirt; the light blue cotton was soaked and spotted with my blood. My right shoulder was covered in thick blue frosting.

"I'm fine." Jake's voice was unemotional. "Ya gotta change anyway. Ya'd give Scott a heart attack the way ya look. I'll go get ya somethin' outta my wardrobe." He strode out the kitchen door again.

I looked at Mike anxiously. "He's very upset."

"Hmm," Mike agreed. "Tonight's exactly the kinda thing he fears most. _You_ bein' put in danger; 'cause of what we are."

"It's not his fault."

"Ain't _yours,_ either."

I looked away from his wise, beautiful eyes. I couldn't agree with that.

Mike offered me his hand and helped me up from the table. I followed him out into the main room. Grace had come back; she was mopping the floor where I'd fallen with straight bleach from the smell of it.

"Grace, let me do that." I could feel that my face was bright red again.

"I'm already done." She smiled up at me. "How do you feel?"

"I'm fine," I assured her. "Mike sews faster than any other doctor I've had."

They both chuckled.

Quinn and Jake came in the back doors. Quinn hurried to my side, but Jake hung back, his face indecipherable.

"C'mon," Quinn said. "Let's get you into something a little less macabre to wear."

She helped me into a shirt of Jake's that was close to the same color mine had been. Scott wouldn't notice, I was sure. The long white bandage on my arm didn't look nearly as serious when I was no longer spattered in gore. Scott was never surprised to see me bandaged.

"Quinn," I whispered as she headed back to the door.

"Yes?" She kept her voice low, too, and looked at me curiously, her head cocked to the side.

"How bad is it?" I couldn't be sure if my whispering was a wasted effort. Even though we were upstairs, with the door closed, perhaps he could hear me.

Her face tensed. "I'm not sure yet."

"How's Kele?"

She sighed. "He's very unhappy with himself. It's all so much more of challenge for him, and he hates feeling weak."

"It's not his fault. You'll tell him that I'm not mad at him, not at all, won't you?"

"Of course."

Jake was waiting for me by the front door. As I got to the bottom of the staircase, he held it open without a word.

"Take your things!" Quinn cried as I walked warily toward Jake. She scooped up the two packages, one half-opened, and my camera from under the piano, and pressed them into my good arm. "You can thank me later, when you've opened them."

Grace and Mike both said a quiet goodnight. I could see them stealing quick glances at their impassive family member, much like I was.

It was a relief to be outside; I hurried past the lanterns and the roses, now unwelcome reminders. Jake kept pace with me silently. He opened the passenger side for me, and I climbed in without complaint.

On the dashboard was a big red ribbon, stuck to the new stereo. I pulled it off, throwing it to the floor. As Jake slid into the other side, I kicked the ribbon under my seat.

He didn't look at me or the stereo. Neither of us switched it on, and the silence was somehow intensified by the sudden thunder of the engine. He drove too fast down the dark, serpentine lane.

The silence was making me insane.

"Say something," I finally begged as he turned onto the freeway.

"What d'ya want me to say?" he asked in a detached voice.

I cringed at his remoteness. "Tell me you forgive me?"

That brought a flicker of life to his face a flicker of anger. "Forgive _you?_ For _what?"_

"If I'd been more careful, nothing would have happened."

"Taylor, ya gave yaself a paper cut; that hardly deserves the bloody death penalty."

"No, but apparently it deserves the silent treatment; and I think that's way worse!" I bit out before I could stop myself, averting my face as my stupid eyes stung with the threat of imminent tears. "It's still my fault." I added petulantly.

My words opened up the floodgate.

 _"Your_ fault? If ya'd cut yourself at Caleb Mitchell's house, with Zoe there and Cameron and ya other _normal_ friends, worst that could've possibly happened would be; what? Maybe they couldn't find ya a bandage? If ya'd tripped and knocked over a pile of glass plates on ya own, without someone throwin' ya into 'em even then; what's the worst? Ya'd get blood on the seats when they drove ya to the emergency room? Caleb Mitchell could've held ya hand while they stitched ya up and he wouldn't be fightin' the goddamn urge to kill ya the whole time he was there. Don't try to take any of this on yaself, Taylor. It will only make me more pissed off and disgusted at myself."

"How the hell did Caleb Mitchell end up in this conversation?" I demanded.

"Caleb Mitchell ended up in this conversation; because Caleb bloody Mitchell'd be a hell of a lot healthier for ya to be with," he growled.

"I'd rather _die_ than be with Caleb Mitchell," I protested. "I'd rather die than be with anyone but _you."_

"Don't be so bloody dramatic."

"Well then, don't _you_ be ridiculous." I spat back, scowling as I turned back to him. "I decide who I damn well love, Jake McKenzie; not you!"

He didn't answer. He glared through the windshield, his expression black.

I racked my brain for some way to salvage the evening. When we pulled up in front of my house, I still hadn't come up with anything.

He killed the engine, but his hands stayed clenched around the steering wheel.

"Will you stay tonight?" I asked.

"I oughta go home."

The last thing I wanted was for him to go wallow in remorse.

"For my birthday," I pressed.

"Ya can't have it both ways; either ya want people to ignore ya bloody birthday or ya don't. One or other, Taylor." His voice was stern, but not as serious as before. I breathed a silent sigh of relief.

"Okay. I've decided that I don't want you to ignore my birthday. I'll see you upstairs."

I hopped out, reaching back in for my packages. He frowned.

"Ya don't gotta take 'em."

"I want them," I responded automatically, and then wondered if he was using reverse psychology.

"Nah, ya don't. Mike and Grace spent money on ya."

"I'll live." I tucked the presents awkwardly under my good arm and slammed the door behind me. He was out of the truck and by my side in less than a second.

"Let me carry 'em, at least." he said as he took them away. "I'll be in ya room."

I smiled. "Thanks."

"Happy birthday," he sighed, and leaned down to touch his lips to mine.

I reached up on my toes to make the kiss last longer when he pulled away. He smiled my favorite crooked smile, and then he disappeared into the darkness.

The train programme was still on; as soon as I walked through the front door I could hear the television still rambling about the proper procedure to connect all the various wires in the tiny engines of toy trains.

"Tay-Bear?" Scott called.

"Hey, Dad," I said as I came around the corner. I held my arm close to my side. The slight pressure burned, and I wrinkled my nose. The anesthetic was apparently losing its effectiveness.

"How was it?" Scott lounged across the sofa with his bare feet propped up on the arm. What was left of his curly brown hair was crushed flat on one side.

"Quinn went overboard. Flowers, cake, candles, presents... the whole bit."

"What did they get you?"

"A stereo for my truck." And various unknowns.

"Wow."

"Yeah," I agreed. "Well, I'm calling it a night."

"I'll see you in the morning."

I waved. "See ya."

"Hey... What happened to your arm?"

I flushed and cursed silently. "I tripped. It's nothing."

"Taylor," he sighed, shaking his head.

"Goodnight, Dad."

I hurried up to the bathroom, where I kept my pajamas for nights such as these. I shrugged into the cotton shorts that I'd gotten to replace the holey sweats I used to wear to bed, wincing as the movement pulled at my new stitches. I washed my face one-handed, brushed my teeth, and then skipped to my room.

He was sitting in the center of my bed, toying idly with one of the silver boxes.

"Hey," he said. His voice was sad. He was wallowing.

I went to the bed, pushed the presents out of his hands, and climbed into his lap.

"Hey, you." I snuggled into his stone chest. "Can I open my presents now?"

"Where'd the enthusiasm come from?" he wondered.

"You made me curious." I hummed playfully, desperate to lighten his mood.

I picked up the long flat rectangle that must have been from Mike and Grace.

"Uh, lemme," he suggested. He took the gift from my hand and tore the silver paper off with one fluid movement. He handed the rectangular white box back to me.

"Are you sure I can handle lifting the lid?" I muttered, but he ignored me.

Inside the box was a long, thick piece of paper with an overwhelming amount of fine print. It took me a minute to get the gist of the information.

"We're going to New York?" And I was excited, in spite of myself. It was a voucher for plane tickets, for both me and Jake.

"'S the idea, yeah."

"I can't believe it. Julia is going to flip! You don't mind, though, do you? It's sunny, you'll have to stay inside all day."

"Pretty sure I can handle it," he said, and then frowned. "If I'd known ya could respond to a gift this appropriately, I'd have made ya open it in front of Mike and Grace. I thought ya'd complain."

"Well, of course it's too much. But I get to take you with me!"

He chuckled. "Now I wish I'd spent money on ya present. Didn't realize ya were actually capable of bein' reasonable."

I set the tickets aside and reached for his present, my curiosity rekindled. He took it from me and unwrapped it like the first one.

He handed back a clear CD jewel case, with a blank silver CD inside.

"What is it?" I asked, perplexed.

He didn't say anything; he took the CD and reached around me to put it in the CD player on the bedside table. He hit play, and we waited in silence. Then the music began.

I listened, speechless and wide-eyed. I knew he was waiting for my reaction, but I couldn't talk. Tears welled up, and I reached up to wipe them away before they could spill over.

"Is ya arm hurtin'?" he asked anxiously.

"No, it's not my arm, stupid..." I protested, thwacking his arm playfully as I sniffled. "It's _beautiful,_ Jake. You couldn't have given me anything I would love more. I can't believe it." I shut up, so I could listen; wisely deciding tonight wasn't the time to mention there was just... _one_ other thing he could have given me.

The CD was all his music, his compositions. The first piece on the CD was my lullaby.

"I didn't think ya'd lemme get a guitar so I could play for ya here," he explained.

"You're right."

"Hows ya arm feelin'?"

"It's fine." Actually, it was starting to blaze under the bandage. I wanted ice. I would have settled for his hand, but that would have given me away.

"I'll get ya some Tylenol."

"I don't need anything," I protested, but he slid me off his lap and headed for the door. "Scott," I hissed.

Scott wasn't exactly aware that Jake frequently stayed over. In fact, he would have a stroke if that fact were brought to his attention. But I didn't feel too guilty for deceiving him. It wasn't as if we were up to anything he wouldn't want me to be up to. Jake and his rules kept me and my virginity very safe indeed. 

I felt this was very unfair, especially knowing my brother was likely going wild with his own boyfriend right about now. I grimaced and pushed that thought as far away as I could.

"He ain't gonna catch me," Jake promised as he disappeared silently out the door; and then returned, catching the door before it had swung back to touch the frame. He had the glass from the bathroom and the bottle of pills in one hand.

I took the pills he handed me without arguing. I knew I would lose the argument. Plus, my arm really was starting to bother me.

My lullaby continued, soft and lovely, in the background.

"'S late," Jake noted. He scooped me up off the bed with one arm, and pulled the cover back with the other. He put me down with my head on my pillow and tucked the quilt around me. He lay down next to me on top of the blanket so I wouldn't get chilled and put his arm over me.

I leaned my head against his shoulder and sighed happily.

"Thanks again," I whispered.

"Ya welcome."

It was quiet for a long moment as I listened to my lullaby drift to a close. Another song began. I recognized Grace's favorite.

"What are you thinking about?'" I wondered in a whisper.

He hesitated for a second before he told me. "I was thinkin' 'bout right and wrong, actually."

I felt a chill tingle along my spine.

"Remember how I decided that I wanted you to not ignore my birthday?" I asked quickly, hoping it wasn't too clear that I was trying to distract him.

"Yeah," he agreed, wary.

"Well, I was thinking, since it's _still_ my birthday, that I'd like you to kiss me again."

"Ya greedy tonight."

"Yes, I am; but please, don't do anything you don't want to do," I added, piqued.

He laughed, and then sighed. "Heaven forbid I do anythin' I don't wanna," he said in a strangely desperate tone as he put his hand under my chin and pulled my face up to his.

The kiss began much the same as usual. Jake was as careful as ever, and my heart began to overreact like it always did. And then something seemed to change. Suddenly his lips became much more urgent, his free hand twisted into my hair and held my face securely to his. And, though my hands tangled in his hair, too, and though I was _clearly_ beginning to cross his cautious lines, for once he didn't stop me. His body was cold through the thin quilt, but I crushed myself against him eagerly.

When he stopped it was abrupt; he pushed me away with gentle, firm hands.

I collapsed back onto my pillow, gasping, my head spinning. Something tugged at my memory, elusive, on the edges.

"Sorry," he said, and he was breathless, too. "That was outta line."

"I don't mind," I panted.

He frowned at me in the darkness. "Try to sleep, Taylor."

"No, I want you to kiss me again."

"Ya over-estimatin' my self-control."

"Which is tempting you more, my blood or my body?" I challenged.

"'S a tie." He grinned briefly in spite of himself, and then was serious again. "Now, why don't ya stop pushin' ya damn luck and go to bloody sleep?"

"Fine," I agreed, snuggling closer to him. I really did feel exhausted. It had been a long day in so many ways, yet I felt no sense of relief at its end. Almost as if something worse was coming tomorrow. It was a silly premonition; what could be worse than today? Just the shock catching up with me, no doubt.

Trying to be sneaky about it, I pressed my injured arm against his shoulder, so his cool skin would sooth the burning. It felt better at once.

I was halfway asleep, maybe more, when I realized what his kiss had reminded me of: last spring, when he'd had to leave me to throw Rex off my trail, Jake had kissed me goodbye, not knowing when; or _if_ we would see each other again. This kiss, had the same almost painful edge for some reason I couldn't imagine. I shuddered into unconsciousness, as if I were already having a nightmare.


	3. Game Over, Man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heart break...
> 
> Heart break for all...
> 
> Gimme a hello if youre reading? Else I might be tempted to abandon it here :p
> 
> I mean we wouldn't want to but...
> 
> Anyway, thank you for reading!
> 
> x Our love to you all x

**Game Over, Man**

I felt absolutely hideous in the morning. I hadn’t slept well; my arm burned and my head ached. It didn't help my outlook that Jake's face was smooth and remote as he kissed my forehead quickly and ducked out my window. I was afraid of the time I'd spent unconscious, sensing that he might have been thinking about his skewed outlook of right and wrong again while he watched me sleep. The anxiety seemed to ratchet up the intensity of the pounding in my head.

I didn’t leave bed that day, too tired and sick with anxiety twisting in my stomach. It was only made worse when Jake called to say he wouldn’t return that night.

Jake was waiting for me at College the following morning, as usual, but his face was still wrong. There was something buried in his eyes that I couldn't be sure of; and it scared me. I didn't want to bring up my birthday; or that night, but I wasn't sure if avoiding the subject would be worse.

He opened my door for me.

"How d'ya feel?"

"Perfect," I lied, cringing as the sound of the slamming door echoed in my head.

We walked in silence, he shortening his stride to match mine. There were so many questions I wanted to ask, but most of those questions would have to wait, because they were for Quinn: How was Kele doing now? What had they said when I was gone? What had Zahra said? And most importantly, what could she see happening now in her strange, imperfect visions of the future? Could she guess what Jake was thinking, why he was so gloomy? Was there a foundation for the tenuous, instinctive fears that I couldn't seem to shake?

The morning passed slowly. I was impatient to see Quinn, though I wouldn't be able to really talk to her with Jake there. Jake remained aloof. Occasionally he would ask about my arm, and I would lie.

Quinn usually beat us to lunch; she didn't have to keep pace with a sloth like me. But she wasn't at the table, waiting with a tray of food she wouldn't eat.

Jake didn't say anything about her absence. I wondered to myself if her class was running late; until I saw Conner and Aiden, who were in her fourth hour French class.

"Where's Quinn?" I asked Jake anxiously.

He looked at the granola bar he was slowly pulverizing between his fingertips while he answered. "She's with Kele."

"Is he okay?"

"He's gone away for a while."

"What? Where?"

Jake shrugged. "Nowhere special."

"And Quinn, too," I said with quiet desperation. Of course, if Kele needed her, she would go.

"Yeah. She'll be gone awhile. She was tryin' to convince him to go to Raj's."

Raj Bhandarkar was one of another band of unique vampires; good ones like the Darwin's. Raj, Yvonne and Malatesta. I'd heard of them now and again. Jake had run to them at the start of the semester, when my arrival had made Cedar Cove difficult for him. Grant, the most civilized member of Rex's little coven, had gone to see them rather than siding with Rex against the Darwin's. It made sense for Quinn to encourage Kele to go there.

I swallowed, trying to dislodge the sudden lump in my throat. The guilt made my head bow and my shoulders slump. I'd run them out of their home, just like Zahra and Craig. I was a plague.

"Is ya arm botherin' ya?" he asked solicitously.

"No!" I finally snapped, irritated that was all he'd been interested in all damn day. "Who the hell cares about my stupid arm?" I muttered in disgust.

He didn't answer, and I put my head down on the table.

By the end of the day, the silence was becoming ridiculous. I didn't want to be the one to break it, but apparently that was my only choice if I ever wanted him to talk to me again.

"You'll come over later tonight?" I asked as he walked me, silently, to my truck. He always came over.

"Later?"

It pleased me that he seemed surprised. "I have to work. I had to trade with Mrs. Mitchell to get my birthday off."

"Oh," he murmured.

"So you'll come over when I'm home, though, right?" I hated that I felt suddenly unsure about this.

"If ya want me to."

"I _always_ want you," I reminded him, with perhaps a little more intensity than the conversation required.

I expected he would laugh, or smile, or react somehow to my words. "All right, then," he said indifferently. He kissed my forehead again before he shut the door on me. Then he turned his back and loped gracefully toward his car.

I was able to drive out of the parking lot before the panic really hit, but I was hyperventilating by the time I got to Mitchell's.

He just needed time, I told myself. He would get over this. Maybe he was sad because his family were disappearing. But Quinn and Kele would come back soon, and Zahra and Craig, too. If it would help, I would stay away from the big white house on the river; I'd never set foot there again. That didn't matter. I'd still see Quinn at College. She would have to come back for College, right? And she was at my place all the time anyway. She wouldn't want to hurt Scott's feelings by staying away.

No doubt I would also run into Mike with regularity, in the emergency room.

After all, what had happened last night was nothing. Nothing had happened. So I fell down, that was the story of my life. Compared to last October, it seemed especially unimportant. Rex had left me broken and nearly dead from loss of blood; and yet Jake had handled the interminable weeks in the hospital much better than this. Was it because, this time, it wasn't an enemy he'd had to protect me from? Because it was his brother?

Maybe it would be better if he took me away, rather than his family being scattered. I grew slightly less depressed as I considered all the uninterrupted alone time. If he could just last through the remainder of the College year, Scott wouldn't be able to object. We could go away to college, or pretend that's what we were doing, like Zahra and Craig this year. Surely Jake could wait half a year. What was six months to an immortal? It didn't even seem like that much to me.

I was able to talk myself into enough composure to handle getting out of the truck and walking to the store. Caleb Mitchell had beaten me here today, and he smiled and waved when I came in. I grabbed my vest, nodding vaguely in his direction. I was still imagining pleasant scenarios that consisted of me running away with Jake to various exotic locales.

Caleb interrupted my fantasy. "How was the rest of your birthday?" Apparently his mother had filled him in on why I'd been off.

"Ugh," I mumbled. "I'm glad it's over."

Caleb looked at me from the corners of his eyes like I was crazy.

Work dragged. I wanted to see Jake again, praying that he would be past the worst of this, whatever it was exactly, by the time I saw him again. It's nothing, I told myself over and over again. Everything will go back to normal.

The relief I felt when I turned onto my street and saw Jake's silver car parked in front of my house was an overwhelming, heady thing. And it bothered me deeply that it should be that way.

I hurried through the front door, calling out before I was completely inside.

"Dad? Jake?"

As I spoke, I could hear the distinctive theme music from ESPN's Sports Center coming from the living room.

"In here," Scott called.

I hung my raincoat on its peg and hurried around the corner.

Jake was in the armchair, my father on the sofa. Both had their eyes trained on the TV. The focus was normal for my father, although he usually watched programmes on trains. I guessed the sports was more for Jake's sake. The intense focus on a television screen; was much less normal for Jake.

"Hi," I said weakly.

"Hey, Taylor," my father answered, eyes never moving. "We just had cold pizza. I think it's still on the table."

"Okay."

I waited in the doorway. Finally, Jake looked over at me with a polite smile. "Be right behind ya," he promised. His eyes strayed back to the TV.

I stared for another minute, shocked. Neither one seemed to notice. I could feel something, panic maybe, building up in my chest. I escaped to the kitchen.

The pizza held no interest for me. I sat in my chair, pulled my knees up, and wrapped my arms around them. Something was very wrong, maybe more wrong than I'd realized. The sounds of male bonding and banter continued from the TV set.

I tried to get control of myself, to reason with myself.

What's the worst that can happen? I flinched. That was definitely the wrong question to ask. I was having a hard time breathing right.

Okay, I thought again, what's the worst I can live through? I didn't like that question so much, either. But I thought through the possibilities I'd considered today.

Staying away from Jake's family. Of course, he wouldn't expect Quinn to be part of that. But if Kele was off limits, that would lessen the time I could have with her. I nodded to myself; I could live with that.

Or going away. Maybe he wouldn't want to wait till the end of the College year, maybe it would have to be now. I could say I was transferring somewhere else; like Jake's adopted siblings had.

In front of me, on the table, my presents from Scott and Julia were where I had left them, the camera I hadn't had the chance to use at the Darwin's' sitting beside the album. I touched the pretty cover of the scrapbook my mother had given me, and sighed, thinking of Julia. Somehow, living without her for as long as I had did not make the idea of a more permanent separation easier. And Scott would be left all alone here, abandoned. They would both be so hurt.

But we'd come back, right? We'd visit, of course, wouldn't we?

I couldn't be certain about the answer to that.

I leaned my cheek against my knee, staring at the physical tokens of my parents' love. I'd known this path I'd chosen was going to be hard. And, after all, I was thinking about the worst-case scenario; the very worst I could live through.

I touched the scrapbook again, flipping the front cover over. Little metal corners were already in place to hold the first picture. It wasn't a half-bad idea, to make some record of my life here. I felt a strange urge to get started. Maybe I didn't have that long left in Cedar Cove.

I toyed with the wrist strap on the camera, wondering about the first picture on the roll. Could it possibly turn out anything close to the original? I doubted it. But he didn't seem worried that it would be blank. I chuckled to myself, thinking of his carefree laughter last night. The chuckle died away. So much had changed, and so abruptly. It made me feel a little dizzy, like I was standing on an edge, a precipice somewhere much too high; wavering in a breeze which would either save me, or knock me over.

I didn't want to think about that anymore. I grabbed the camera and headed up the stairs.

My room hadn't really changed all that much in the twenty one years since my mother had been here, well, until Scott and I decorated; just after I came home. The walls were now a pale green, fresh new lace curtains hung in front of the window. There was a bed, rather than a crib or the bunk beds Jordan and I had shared; but she would recognize the quilt draped untidily over the top of my duvet. It had been a gift from Pop.

Regardless, I snapped a picture of my room. There wasn't much else I could do tonight, it was too dark outside; and the feeling was growing stronger, it was almost a compulsion now. I would record everything about Cedar Cove before I had to leave it.

Change was coming. I could feel it. It wasn't a pleasant prospect, not when I'd felt that life was perfect the way it was.

I took my time coming back down the stairs, camera in hand, trying to ignore the butterflies in my stomach as I thought of the strange distance I didn't want to see in Jake's eyes. He would get over this. Probably he was worried that I would be upset when he asked me to leave. I would let him work through it without meddling. And I would be prepared when he asked.

I had the camera ready as I leaned around the corner, being sneaky. I was sure there was no chance that I had caught Jake by surprise, but he didn't look up. I felt a brief shiver as something icy twisted in my stomach; I ignored that and took the picture.

They both looked at me then. Scott frowned. Jake's face was empty, expressionless.

"What are you doing, Taylor?" Scott complained.

"Oh, come on." I pretended to smile as I went to sit on the floor in front of the sofa where Scott lounged. "You know Mom will be calling soon to ask if I'm using my presents. I have to get to work before she can get her feelings hurt."

"Why are you taking pictures of me, though?" he grumbled.

"Because you're so handsome, of course. We all know I get my good looks from you." I replied, keeping it light. "And because, since you bought the camera, you're obligated to be one of my subjects."

He mumbled something unintelligible.

"Hey, Jake," I said with admirable indifference. "Take one of me and my dad together."

I threw the camera toward him, carefully avoiding his eyes, and knelt beside the arm of the sofa where Scott's face was. Scott sighed.

"Ya gotta smile, Taylor," Jake murmured.

I did my best, and the camera flashed.

"Let me take one of you kids," Scott suggested. I knew he was just trying to shift the camera's focus from himself.

Jake stood and lightly tossed him the camera.

I went to stand beside Jake, and the arrangement felt formal and strange to me. He put one hand lightly on my shoulder, and I wrapped my arm more securely around his waist. I wanted to look at his face, but I was afraid to.

"Smile, Taylor," Scott reminded me again.

I took a deep breath and smiled. The flash blinded me.

"Enough pictures for tonight," Scott said then, shoving the camera into a crevice of the sofa cushions and rolling over it. "You don't have to use the whole roll now."

Jake dropped his hand from my shoulder and twisted casually out of my arm. He sat back down in the armchair.

I hesitated, and then went to sit against the sofa again. I was suddenly so frightened that my hands were shaking. I pressed them into my stomach to hide them, put my chin on my knees and stared at the TV screen in front of me, seeing nothing.

When the show ended, I hadn't moved an inch. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jake stand.

"I oughta go," he said.

Scott didn't look up from the commercial. "See ya."

I got awkwardly to my feet, I was stiff from sitting so still; and followed Jake out the front door. He went straight to his car.

"Will you stay?" I asked, no hope in my voice.

I expected his answer, so it didn't hurt as much.

"Not tonight."

I didn't ask for a reason.

He got in his car and drove away while I stood there, un-moving. I barely noticed that it was raining. I waited, without knowing what I waited for, until the door opened behind me.

"Taylor, what are you doing?" Scott asked, surprised to see me standing there alone and dripping.

"Nothing." I turned and trudged back to the house.

It was a long night, with little in the way of rest.

I got up as soon as there was a faint light outside my window. I dressed for College mechanically, waiting for the clouds to brighten. When I had eaten a bowl of cereal, I decided that it was light enough for pictures. I took one of my truck, and then the front of the house. I turned and snapped a few of the forest by Scott's house. Funny how it didn't seem sinister like it used to. I knew that I would miss this; the green, the timelessness, the mystery of the woods. All of it.

I put the camera in my College bag before I left. I tried to concentrate on my new project rather than the fact that Jake apparently hadn't gotten over things during the night.

Along with the fear, I was beginning to feel impatience. How long could this last?

It lasted through the morning. He walked silently beside me, never seeming to actually look at me. I tried to concentrate on my classes, but not even English could hold my attention. Ms. Smith had to repeat her question about Lady Capulet twice before I realized she was talking to me. Jake whispered the correct answer under his breath and then went back to ignoring me.

At lunch, the silence continued. I felt like I was going to start screaming at any moment, so, to distract myself, I leaned across the table's invisible line and spoke to Zoe.

"Hey, Zoe?"

"What's up, Taylor?"

"Could you do me a favor?" I asked, reaching into my bag. "My mom wants me to get some pictures of my friends for a scrapbook. So, take some pictures of everybody, okay?"

I handed her the camera.

"Sure," she said, grinning, and turned to snap a candid shot of Caleb with his mouth full.

A predictable picture war ensued. I watched them hand the camera around the table, giggling and flirting and complaining about being on film. It seemed strangely childish. Maybe I just wasn't in the mood for normal human behavior today.

"Uh-oh," Zoe said apologetically as she returned the camera. "I think we used all your film."

"That's okay. I think I already got pictures of everything else I needed."

After College, Jake walked me back to the parking lot in silence. I had to work again, and for once, I was glad. Time with me obviously wasn't helping things. Maybe time alone would be better.

I dropped my film off at the Thriftway on my way to Mitchell's, and then picked up the developed pictures after work. At home, I said a brief hi to Scott, grabbed a granola bar from the kitchen, and hurried up to my room with the envelope of photographs tucked under my arm.

I sat in the middle of my bed and opened the envelope with wary curiosity. Ridiculously, I still half expected the first print to be a blank.

When I pulled it out, I gasped aloud. Jake looked just as beautiful as he did in real life, staring at me out of the picture with the warm eyes I'd missed for the past few days. It was almost uncanny that anyone could look so... so, beyond description. No thousand words could equal this picture.

I flipped through the rest of the stack quickly once, and then laid three of them out on the bed side by side.

The first was the picture of Jake in the kitchen, his warm eyes touched with tolerant amusement. The second was Jake and Scott, watching ESPN. The difference in Jake's expression was severe. His eyes were careful here, reserved. Still breathtakingly beautiful, but his face was colder, more like a sculpture, less alive.

The last was the picture of Jake and me standing awkwardly side by side. Jake's face was the same as the last, cold and statue-like. But that wasn't the most troubling part of this photograph. The contrast between the two of us was painful. He looked like a god. I looked very average, even for a human, almost shamefully plain. I flipped the picture over with a feeling of disgust.

Instead of doing my coursework, I stayed up to put my pictures into the album. With a ballpoint pen I scrawled captions under all the pictures, the names and the dates. I got to the picture of Jake and me, and, without looking at it too long, I folded it in half and stuck it under the metal tab, Jake-side up.

When I was done, I stuffed the second set of prints in a fresh envelope and penned a long thank-you letter to Julia.

Jake still hadn't come over. I didn't want to admit that he was the reason I'd stayed up so late, but of course he was. I tried to remember the last time he'd stayed away like this, without an excuse, a phone call. He never had.

Again, I didn't sleep well.

College followed the silent, frustrating, terrifying pattern of the last two days. I felt relief when I saw Jake waiting for me in the parking lot, but it faded quickly. He was no different, unless maybe more remote.

It was hard to even remember the reason for all this mess. My birthday already felt like the distant past. If only Quinn would come back. Soon. Before this got any more out of hand.

But I couldn't count on that. I decided that, if I couldn't talk to him today, really talk, then I was going to see Mike tomorrow. I had to do something.

After College, Jake and I were going to talk it out, I promised myself. I wasn't accepting any excuses.

He walked me to my truck, and I steeled myself to make my demands.

"Ya mind if I come over today?" he asked before we got to the truck, beating me to the punch.

"Of course not."

"Now?" he asked again, opening my door for me.

"Sure," I kept my voice even, though I didn't like the urgency in his tone. "I was just going to drop a letter for Julia in the mailbox on the way. I'll meet you there."

He looked at the fat envelope on the passenger seat. Suddenly, he reached over me and snagged it.

"I'll do it," he said quietly. "And still beat ya there." He smiled my favorite crooked smile, but it was wrong. It didn't reach his eyes.

"Okay," I agreed, unable to smile back. He shut the door, and headed toward his car.

He did beat me home. He was parked in Scott's spot when I pulled up in front of the house. That was a bad sign. He didn't plan to stay, then. I shook my head and took a deep breath, trying to locate some courage.

He got out of his car when I stepped out of the truck, and came to meet me. He reached to take my book bag from me. That was normal. But he shoved it back onto the seat. That was not normal.

"Walk with me," he suggested in an unemotional voice, taking my hand. Usually walking with Jake anywhere, but especially in the woods, was something I loved to do. Now I only felt a cloying fear, obstructing my airway.

I didn't answer. I couldn't think of a way to protest, but I instantly knew that I wanted to. I didn't like this. This is bad, this is very bad, the voice in my head repeated again and again.

But he didn't wait for an answer. He pulled me along toward the east side of the yard, where the forest encroached. I followed unwillingly, trying to think through the panic. It was what I wanted, I reminded myself. The chance to talk it all through. So why was the panic choking me?

We'd gone only a few steps into the trees when he stopped. We were barely on the trail; I could still see the house.

Some walk.

Jake leaned against a tree and stared at me, his expression unreadable.

"Okay, let's talk," I said. It sounded braver than it felt.

He took a deep breath.

"Taylor, we're leavin'."

I took a deep breath, too. This was an acceptable option. I thought I was prepared. But I still had to ask.

"Why now? Another six mon-"

"Taylor, 's time. How much longer'd we be able to stay in Cedar Cove, after all? Mike can barely pass for thirty, and he's claimin' thirty-three now. We'd have to start over soon regardless."

His answer confused me. I thought the point of leaving was to let his family live in peace. Why did we have to leave if they were going? I stared at him, trying to understand what he meant.

He stared back coldly.

With a roll of nausea, I realized I'd misunderstood.

"When you say... _we?"_ I whispered.

"I mean my family." Each word separate and distinct. "And me."

I shook my head back and forth mechanically, trying to clear it. He waited without any sign of impatience. It took a few minutes before I could speak.

"Okay," I said. "I'll come with you."

"Ya can't, Taylor. Where we're goin'... 's not right for ya."

"Where _you_ are is the right place for me."

"I ain't good for ya, Taylor."

"Don't be ridiculous." I wanted to sound angry, but it just sounded like I was begging. "You're the very best part of my life."

"My world ain't for _you,"_ he said grimly.

"What happened with Kele- that was nothing, Jake! Nothing!"

"Ya right," he agreed. "Was just inevitable."

"You _promised!_ In Sunset Beach, you promised that you would stay!" I could feel the hysteria clawing at my throat; panic churning in my stomach. "You swore before that; you _promised_ you wouldn't abandon me!"

"As long as that was best for ya," he interrupted to correct me.

"No! This is about my stupid soul, isn't it?" I shouted, furious, the words exploding out of me; somehow it still sounded like a plea. "Mike told me about that, and I don't care, Jake. I don't _care!_ You can have my soul. I don't want it without _you!_ It's yours already!"

He took a deep breath and stared, unseeingly, at the ground for a long moment. His mouth twisted the tiniest bit. When he finally looked up, his eyes were different, harder like liquid cyan that had frozen solid.

"Taylor... I don't _want_ ya to come with me." He spoke the words slowly and precisely, his cold eyes on my face, watching as I absorbed what he was really saying.

There was a pause as I repeated the words in my head a few times, sifting through them for their real intent.

"You... _don't..._ want me?" I tried out the words, confused by the way they sounded, placed in that order.

"No."

I stared, uncomprehending, into his eyes. He stared back without apology. His eyes were like cerulean; hard and clear and very deep. I felt like I could see into them for miles and miles, yet nowhere in their bottomless depths could I see a contradiction to the word he'd spoken.

"Well, that... changes things." I was surprised by how calm and reasonable my voice sounded. It must be because I was so numb. I couldn't realize what he was telling me. It still didn't make any sense. The little voice which had always told me this began to crow in the back of my mind; reminding me what a fool I had been to ever believe this perfect, scruffy, shaggy haired angel could have _ever_ been destined to be with me.

He looked away into the trees as he spoke again. "Of course, I'll always love ya; in a way. But what happened the other night made me realize 's time for a change. 'Cause I'm... tired, of pretendin' to be somethin' I ain't, Taylor. I ain't human." He looked back, and the icy planes of his perfect face were not human. "I let this go on way too long, and I'm sorry for that."

"Don't." My voice was just a whisper now; awareness was beginning to seep through me, trickling like acid through my veins. "Don't do this."

He just stared at me, and I could see from his eyes that my words were far too late. He already had.

"Ya ain't good for me, Taylor." He turned his earlier words around, and so I had no argument. How well I knew that I wasn't good enough for him.

I opened my mouth to say something, and then closed it again. He waited patiently, his face wiped clean of all emotion. I tried again.

"If... that's what you want."

He nodded once.

My whole body went numb. I couldn't feel anything below the neck.

"I'd like to ask one favor, though, if it ain't too much," he said.

I wonder what he saw on my face, because something flickered across his own face in response. But, before I could identify it, he'd composed his features into the same serene mask.

"I don't see why you'd want to... but sure," I muttered distantly, staring vacantly as I waited. "Anything," I vowed, my voice faintly stronger.

As I watched, his frozen eyes melted. The cerulean became liquid again, molten, burning down into mine with an intensity that was overwhelming.

"Don't... do anythin' reckless or stupid," he ordered, no longer detached. "D'ya understand what I'm sayin'?"

"Why do you care?" I asked, still dazed and distant. He frowned, seeming lost for words as I stared straight through him; my heart crumbling in my chest, as the little part of me which had always suspected I wasn't good enough for him screamed 'I told you so' at the top of its lungs.

His eyes cooled, the distance returned. "I'm thinkin' of Scott, of course. He needs ya. Take care of yaself; for him."

I nodded helplessly. That made sense. Scott could hardly cook or clean for himself. He needed me, at least. "I will," I whispered.

He seemed to relax just a little.

"And I'll make ya a promise in return," he said. "I promise this'll be the last time ya see me. I won't come back. I won't put ya through anythin' like this 'gain. Ya can go on with ya life without any more interference from me. It'll be as if I never existed."

What life? He was my life; didn't he know that? I'd told him, hadn't I? I opened my mouth to do so now; but the voice in my head reminded me, he didn't want me. My knees must have started to shake, because the trees were suddenly wobbling. I could hear the blood pounding faster than normal behind my ears. His voice sounded farther away.

He smiled gently. "Don't worry. Ya human; ya memory's no more'n a sieve. Time heals all wounds, for _your_ kind."

"And your memories?" I asked. It sounded like there was something stuck in my throat, like I was choking. I wondered distantly if it was my heart.

"Welp," he hesitated for a short second. "I won't forget. But my kind... we're easily distracted." He smiled; the smile was tranquil and it did not touch his eyes.

He took a step away from me. "That's everythin', I s'pose. We won't bother ya 'gain."

The plural caught my attention. That surprised me; I would have thought I was beyond noticing anything.

"Quinn isn't coming back," I realized. I don't know how he heard me; the words made no sound, but he seemed to understand.

He shook his head slowly, always watching my face.

"Nope. They're all gone. I stayed behind to tell ya goodbye."

"Quinn is gone?" My voice was blank with disbelief.

"She wanted to tell ya goodbye, but I convinced her a clean break'd be better for ya."

I was dizzy; it was hard to concentrate. His words swirled around in my head, and I heard the doctor at the hospital in Sunset Beach, last October, as he showed me the X-rays. You can see it's a clean break, his finger traced along the picture of my severed bone. That's good. It will heal more easily, more quickly.

I tried to breathe normally. I needed to concentrate, to find a way out of this nightmare.

"Goodbye, Taylor," he said in the same quiet, peaceful voice.

 _"Wait!"_ I choked out the word, reaching for him, willing my deadened legs to carry me forward.

I thought he was reaching for me, too. But his cold hands locked around my wrists and pinned them to my sides. He leaned down, and pressed his lips very lightly to my forehead for the briefest instant. My eyes closed.

"Take care of yaself," he breathed, cool against my skin.

There was a light, unnatural breeze. My eyes flashed open. The leaves on a small vine maple shuddered with the gentle wind of his passage.

He was gone.

With shaky legs, ignoring the fact that my action was useless, I followed him into the forest. The evidence of his path had disappeared instantly. There were no footprints, the leaves were still again, but I walked forward without thinking. I couldn't do anything else. I had to keep moving. If I stopped looking for him, it was over.

Love, life, meaning; over.

I walked and walked. Time made no sense as I pushed slowly through the thick undergrowth. It was hours passing, but also only seconds. Maybe it felt like time had frozen because the forest looked the same no matter how far I went. I started to worry that I was traveling in a circle, a very small circle at that, but I kept going. I stumbled often, and, as it grew darker and darker, I fell often, too.

Finally, I tripped over something. It was black now, I had no idea what caught my foot; and I stayed down. I rolled onto my side, so that I could breathe, and curled up on the wet bracken.

As I lay there, I had a feeling that more time was passing than I realized. I couldn't remember how long it had been since nightfall. Was it always so dark here at night? Surely, as a rule, some little bit of moonlight would filter down through the clouds, through the chinks in the canopy of trees, and find the ground.

Not tonight. Tonight the sky was utterly black. Perhaps there was no moon tonight; a lunar eclipse, a new moon.

A new moon. I shivered, though I wasn't cold.

It was black for a long time before I heard them calling.

Someone was shouting my name. It was muted, muffled by the wet growth that surrounded me, but it was definitely my name. I didn't recognize the voice. I thought about answering, but I was dazed, and it took a long time to come to the conclusion that I should answer. By then, the calling had stopped.

Sometime later, the rain woke me up. I don't think I'd really fallen asleep; I was just lost in an unthinking stupor, holding with all my strength to the numbness that kept me from realizing what I didn't want to know.

The rain bothered me a little. It was cold. I unwrapped my arms from around my legs to cover my face.

It was then that I heard the calling again. It was farther away this time, and sometimes it sounded like several voices were calling at once. I tried to breathe deeply. I remembered that I should answer, but I didn't think they would be able to hear me. Would I be able to shout loud enough? Was there really any point?

Suddenly, there was another sound, startlingly close. A kind of snuffling, an animal sound. It sounded big. I wondered if I should feel afraid. I didn't... just numb. It didn't matter. The snuffling went away.

The rain continued, and I could feel the water pooling up against my cheek. I was trying to gather the strength to turn my head when I saw the light.

At first it was just a dim glow reflecting off the bushes in the distance. It grew brighter and brighter, illuminating a large space unlike the focused beam of a flashlight. The light broke through the closest brush, and I could see that it was a propane lantern, but that was all I could see; the brightness blinded me for a moment.

"Taylor."

The voice was deep and unfamiliar, but full of recognition. He wasn't calling my name to search, he was acknowledging that I was found.

I stared up; impossibly high it seemed, at the dark face that I could now see above me. I was vaguely aware that the stranger probably only looked so tall because my head was still on the ground.

"Have you been hurt?"

I knew the words meant something, but I could only stare, bewildered. How could the meaning matter at this point?

"Taylor, my name is Sean Gayle."

There was nothing familiar about his name.

"Scott sent me to look for you."

Scott? That struck a chord, and I tried to pay more attention to what he was saying. Scott mattered, if nothing else did. I promised to take care of Scott, didn't I?

The tall man held out a hand. I gazed at it, not sure what I was supposed to do.

His black eyes appraised me for a second, and then he shrugged. In a quick and supple notion, he pulled me up from the ground and into his arms.

I hung there, limp, as he loped swiftly through the wet forest. Some part of me knew this should upset me; being carried away by a stranger. But there was nothing left in me to upset.

It didn't seem like too much time passed before there were lights and the deep babble of many male voices. Sean Gayle slowed as he approached the commotion.

"I got him!" he called in a booming voice.

The babble ceased, and then picked up again with more intensity. A confusing swirl of faces moved over me. Sean's voice was the only one that made sense in the chaos, perhaps because my ear was against his chest.

"No, I don't think he's hurt," he told someone. "He just keeps saying ' _He's gone_.' 

Was I saying that out loud? I bit down on my lip.

"Taylor, son, are you all right?"

That was one voice I would know anywhere even distorted, as it was now, with worry.

"Scott?" My voice sounded strange and small.

"I'm right here, baby."

There was a shifting under me, followed by the leathery smell of my dad's sheriff jacket. Scott staggered under my weight.

"Maybe I should hold on to him," Sean Gayle suggested.

"I've got him," Scott said stubbornly.

He walked slowly, struggling. I wished I could tell him to put me down and let me walk, but I couldn't find my voice. I wasn't entirely sure I actually _could_ walk; but I would have tried to spare him.

There were lights everywhere, held by the crowd walking with him. It felt like a parade. Or a funeral procession. I closed my eyes.

"We're almost home now, Tay-Bear," Scott mumbled now and then.

I opened my eyes again when I heard the door unlock. We were on the porch of our house, and the tall dark man named Sam was holding the door for Scott, one arm extended toward us, as if he was preparing to catch me when Scott's arms failed.

But Scott managed to get me through the door and to the couch in the living room.

"Dad, I'm all wet," I objected feebly.

"That doesn't matter." His voice was gruff. And then he was talking to someone else. "Blankets are in the cupboard at the top of the stairs."

"Taylor?" a new voice asked. I looked at the gray-haired man leaning over me, and recognition came after a few slow seconds.

"Dr. Browning?" I mumbled.

"That's right," he said. "Are you hurt, Taylor?"

It took me a minute to think that through. I was confused by the memory of Sean Gayle's similar question in the woods. Only Sean had asked something else: Have you been hurt? he'd said. The difference seemed significant somehow.

Dr. Browning was waiting. One grizzled eyebrow rose, and the wrinkles on his forehead deepened.

"I'm not hurt," I lied. The words, were true enough for what he'd asked.

His warm hand touched my forehead, and his fingers pressed against the inside of my wrist. I watched his lips as he counted to himself, his eyes on his watch.

"What happened to you?" he asked casually.

I froze under his hand, tasting panic in the back of my throat.

"Did you get lost in the woods?" he prodded. I was aware of several other people listening. Three tall men with dark faces; from Hartfeld, the Taíno Latino reservation down on the coastline, I guessed. Sean Gayle among them, were standing very close together and staring at me. Mr. Mitchell was there with Caleb and Mr. Levy, Cameron's father; they were all watching me more surreptitiously than the strangers. Other deep voices rumbled from the kitchen and outside the front door. Half the town must have been looking for me.

Scott was the closest. He leaned in to hear my answer.

"Yes," I whispered. "I got lost."

The doctor nodded, thoughtful, his fingers probing gently against the glands under my jaw. Scott's face hardened.

"Do you feel tired?" Dr. Browning asked.

I nodded and closed my eyes obediently.

"I don't think there's anything wrong with him," I heard the doctor mutter to Scott after a moment. "Just exhaustion. Let him sleep it off, and I'll come check on him tomorrow," he paused. He must have looked at his watch, because he added, "Well, later today actually."

There was a creaking sound as they both pushed off from the couch to get to their feet.

"Is it true?" Scott whispered. Their voices were farther away now. I strained to hear. "Did they leave?"

"Dr. Darwin asked us not to say anything," Dr. Browning answered. "The offer was very sudden; they had to choose immediately. Mike didn't want to make a big production out of leaving."

"A little warning might have been nice," Scott grumbled.

Dr. Browning sounded uncomfortable when he replied. "Yes, well, in this situation, some warning might have been called for."

I didn't want to listen anymore. I felt around for the edge of the quilt someone had laid on top of me, and pulled it over my ear.

I drifted in and out of alertness. I heard Scott whisper thanks to the volunteers as, one by one, they left. I felt his fingers on my forehead, and then the weight of another blanket. The phone rang a few times, and he hurried to catch it before it could wake me. He muttered reassurances in a low voice to the callers.

"Yeah, we found him. He's okay. He got lost. He's fine now," he said again and again.

I heard the springs in the armchair groan when he settled himself in for the night.

A few minutes later, the phone rang again.

Scott moaned as he struggled to his feet, and then he rushed, stumbling, to the kitchen I pulled my head deeper under the blankets, not wanting to listen to the same conversation again.

"Yeah," Scott said, and yawned.

His voice changed, it was much more alert when he spoke again. "Where?'" There was a pause. "You're sure it's outside the reservation?" Another short pause. "But what could be burning out there?" He sounded both worried and mystified. "Look, I'll call down there and check it out."

I listened with more interest as he punched in a number.

"Hey, Ricky, it's Scott… sorry I'm calling so early- no, he's fine. He's sleeping. Thanks, but that's not why I called. I just got a call from Mrs. Leon, and she says that from her second-story window she can see fires out on the sea cliffs, but I didn't really- Oh!" Suddenly there was an edge in his voice; irritation, or anger. "And why are they doing that? Uh huh. Really?" He said it sarcastically. "Well, don't apologize to me. Yeah, yeah. Just make sure the flames don't spread. I know, I know, I'm surprised they got them lit at all in this weather."

Scott hesitated, and then added grudgingly. "Thanks for sending Sean and the other guys up. You were right... they do know the forest better than we do. It was Sean who found him, so I owe you one. Yeah, I'll talk to you later," he agreed, still sour, before hanging up.

Scott muttered something incoherent as he shuffled back to the living room.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

He hurried to my side.

"I'm sorry I woke you, Tay-Bear."

"Is something burning?"

"It's nothing," he assured me. "Just some bonfires out on the cliffs."

"Bonfires?" I asked. My voice didn't sound curious. It sounded dead.

Scott frowned. "Some of the kids from the reservation being rowdy," he explained.

"Why?" I wondered dully.

I could tell he didn't want to answer. He looked at the floor under his knees. "They're celebrating the news." His tone was bitter.

There was only one piece of news I could think of, try as I might not to. And then the pieces snapped together. "Because the Darwin's left," I whispered. "They don't like the Darwin's in Hartfeld… I'd forgotten about that."

The Taíno had their superstitions about the "cold ones," the blood-drinkers that were enemies to their tribe, just like they had their legends of the great flood and wolf-men ancestors. Just stories, folklore, to most of them. Then there were the few that believed. Scott's good friend Ricardo Soto Senior believed, though even Diego, his own son, thought he was full of stupid superstitions. Ricardo had warned me to stay away from the Darwin's.

The name stirred something inside me, something that began to claw its way toward the surface, something I knew I didn't want to face.

"It's ridiculous," Scott spluttered.

We sat in silence for a moment. The sky was no longer black outside the window. Somewhere behind the rain, the sun was beginning to rise.

"Taylor?" Scott asked.

I looked at him uneasily.

"He left you alone in the woods?" Scott guessed.

I deflected his question. "How did you know where to find me?" My mind shied away from the inevitable awareness that was coming, coming quickly now.

"Your note," Scott answered. surprised. He reached into the back pocket of his jeans and pulled out a much-abused piece of paper. It was dirty and damp, with multiple creases from being opened and refolded many times. He unfolded it again, and held it up as evidence. The messy handwriting was remarkably close to my own.

 **Going for a walk with Jake, up the path,** it said. **Back soon, T.**

"When you didn't come back, I called the Darwin's, and no one answered," Scott said in a low voice. "Then I called the hospital, and Dr. Browning told me that Mike was gone."

"Where did they go?" I mumbled.

He stared at me. "Didn't Jake tell you?"

I shook my head, recoiling. The sound of his name unleashed the thing that was clawing inside of me; a pain that knocked me breathless, astonished me with its force.

Scott eyed me doubtfully as he answered. "Mike took a job with a big hospital in San Diego. I guess they threw a lot of money at him."

Sunny, San Diego... the last place they would really go. I remembered my nightmare with the mirror; the bright sunlight shimmering off of his skin—

Agony ripped through me with the memory of his face.

"I want to know if Jake left you alone out there in the middle of the woods," Scott insisted.

His name sent another wave of torture through me. I shook my head, frantic, desperate to escape the pain. "It was my fault. He left me right here on the trail, in sight of the house; but I tried to follow him." Scott started to say something; but childishly, I covered my ears. "I can't talk about this anymore, Dad! I want to go to my room!"

Before he could answer, I scrambled up from the couch and lurched my way up the stairs.

Someone had been in the house to leave a note for Scott, a note that would lead him to find me. From the minute that I'd realized this, a horrible suspicion began to grow in my head. I rushed to my room, shutting and locking the door behind me before I ran to the CD player by my bed.

Everything looked exactly the same as I'd left it. I pressed down on the top of the CD player. The latch unhooked, and the lid slowly swung open.

It was empty.

The album Julia had given me sat on the floor beside the bed, just where I'd put it last. I lifted the cover with a shaking hand.

I didn't have to flip any farther than the first page. The little metal corners no longer held a picture in place. The page was blank except for my own handwriting scrawled across the bottom: Jake McKenzie, Scott's kitchen, January first.

I stopped there. I was sure that he would have been very thorough.

 _It'll be as if I never existed_ , he'd promised me.

I felt the smooth wooden floor beneath my knees, and then the palms of my hands, and then it was pressed against the skin of my cheek. I hoped that I was fainting, but, to my disappointment, I didn't lose consciousness. The waves of pain that had only lapped at me before now reared high up and washed over my head, pulling me under.

I did not resurface.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PS: I would never actually abandon this, you know that - and it wasn't a genuine threat; but I would love to hear from you all if you're reading to know what you think of stuff, especially as it starts changing <3 thankyou <3


	4. Epiphany

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hands up who is up for a genuine Zombie Taylor AU?
> 
> 'Cause seriously; it's in my head now - so lemme know... it's a possibility
> 
> Also; please let us know what you think so far <3  
> We love your comments - they inspire us ♡
> 
> x Our love to you all x  
> ✲ﾟ｡.(✿╹◡╹)ﾉ♡.｡₀:*ﾟ✲ﾟ

**Epiphany**

_Time passes._

_Even when it seems impossible._

_Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does._

_Even for me._

Scott’s fist came down on the table. “That’s it, Taylor! I’m sending you home!”

I looked up from my cereal, which I was pondering rather than eating, and stared at Scott in shock. I hadn’t been following the conversation; actually, I hadn’t been aware that we were having a conversation, and I wasn’t sure what he meant.

“I am home,” I mumbled, confused.

“I’m sending you to Julia, to New York,” he clarified. 

"I'll get accommodation on campus." I countered distractedly, blinking as I tried to catch up with the conversation; only aware that he was talking of me leaving.

Me leaving, was _not_ an option.

"I'll tell the campus you're not fit!" Scott bit back roughly. "You can't keep on like this, Tay-Bear! It's got to stop! You need to go... to go live with your mom." He said softer, sighing as he watched with exasperation as I slowly grasped the meaning of his words.

“What did I do?” I felt my face crumple. It was so unfair. My behavior had been above reproach for the past two months. After that first three days, which neither of us ever mentioned, I hadn’t missed a day of college or work. My grades were admittedly, lower than they could be. But; I never stayed out late, I never went anywhere from which to be out late in the first place. I only very rarely served leftovers.

Scott was scowling.

“You didn’t do _anything._ That’s the problem, Tay-Bear. You _never_ do anything. ”

“You... _want_ me to get into trouble?” I wondered, my eyebrows pulling together in mystification. I made an effort to pay attention. It wasn’t easy. I was so used to tuning everything out, my ears felt stopped up.

“Trouble would be better than this... this moping around all the time!”

That stung a bit. I’d been careful to avoid all forms of moroseness, moping included.

“I am not moping around. ”

“Wrong word,” he grudgingly conceded. “Moping would be better; that would be doing something. You’re just… _lifeless,_ Taylor. I think that’s the word I want. ”

This accusation struck home. I sighed and tried to put some animation into my response.

“I’m sorry, Dad.” My apology sounded a little flat, even to me. I’d thought I’d been fooling him. Keeping Scott from suffering was the whole point of all this effort. How depressing to think that the effort had been wasted.

“I don’t want you to apologize. ”

I sighed. “Then tell me what you do want me to do. ”

“Taylor,” he hesitated, scrutinizing my reaction to his next words. “Son, you’re not the first person to go through this kind of thing, you know. ”

“I know that. ” My accompanying grimace was limp and unimpressive.

“Listen, son... I think that; that maybe you need some help. ”

“Help?”

He paused, searching for the words again. “When your mother left,” he began, frowning, “and took you… and your brother with her.” He inhaled deeply. “Well, that was a really bad time for me. ”

“I know, Dad,” I mumbled.

“But I handled it,” he pointed out. “Tay-Bear; you’re _not_ handling it. I waited, I hoped it would get better. ” He stared at me and I looked down quickly. “I think we both know it’s not getting better. ”

“I’m fine ”

He ignored me. “Maybe, well, maybe if you talked to someone about it. A professional. ”

“You want me to see a _shrink?”_ My voice was a shade sharper as I realized what he was getting at.

“Maybe it would help. ”

“And maybe it wouldn’t help one little bit. ”

I didn’t know much about psychoanalysis, but I was pretty sure that it didn’t work unless the subject was relatively honest. Sure, I could tell the truth; if I wanted to spend the rest of my life in a padded cell. Though at this point, it was starting to look appealing.

He examined my obstinate expression, and switched to another line of attack.

“It’s beyond me, Taylor. Maybe your mother, or your brother-”

“Look,” I said in a flat voice. “I’ll go out tonight, if you want. I’ll call Zoe or Cameron. ”

“That’s not what I want,” he argued, frustrated. “I don’t think I can live through seeing you try harder. I’ve never seen anyone trying so hard. It hurts to watch. ”

I pretended to be dense, looking down at the table. “I don’t understand, Dad. First you’re mad because I’m not doing anything, and then you say you don’t want me to go out. ”

“I want you to be happy! No, not even that much. I just want you to _not_ be miserable. I think you’ll have a better chance if you get out of Cedar Cove. ”

My eyes flashed up with the first small spark of feeling I’d had in too long to contemplate.

“I’m _not_ leaving,” I said.

“Why not?” he demanded.

“I’m in my middle term of the college year; It would screw everything up. ”

“You’re a good student, you’ll figure it out. ”

“I don’t want to crowd Mom and Jim... and Jordan wants to keep the biggest room. ”

“Your mother’s been dying to have you back. ”

“New York is too hot for me. ”

His fist came down on the table again. “We both know what’s really going on here, Taylor, and it’s not good for you. ” He took a deep breath. “It’s been two months. No calls, no letters, no contact. You can’t keep waiting for him. ”

I glowered at him. The heat almost, but not quite, reached my face. It had been a long time since I’d blushed with any emotion.

This whole subject was utterly forbidden, as he was well aware.

“I’m not waiting for anything. I don’t expect anything,” I said in a low monotone.

“Taylor,” Scott began, his voice thick.

“I have to get to college,” I interrupted, standing up and yanking my untouched breakfast from the table. I dumped my bowl in the sink without pausing to wash it out. I couldn’t deal with any more conversation. “I’ll make plans with Zoe,” I called over my shoulder as I strapped on my college bag, not meeting his eyes. “Maybe I won’t be home for dinner. We’ll go to Port Royale and watch a movie. ”

I was out the front door before he could react.

In my haste to get away from Scott, I ended up being one of the first ones to college. The plus side was that I got a really good parking spot. The downside was that I had free time on my hands, and I tried to avoid free time at all costs.

Quickly, before I could start thinking about Scott’s accusations, I pulled out my Programming book. I flipped it open to the section we should be starting today, and tried to make sense of it. Reading computer theory was even worse than listening to it, but I was getting better at it. In the last couple months, I’d spent ten times the amount of time on Programming than I’d ever spent on computer theory before. As a result, I was managing to keep in the range of a low C. I knew Mr. Ventus felt my improvement was all due to his superior teaching methods. And if that made him happy, I wasn’t going to burst his bubble.

I forced myself to keep at it until the parking lot was full, and I ended up rushing to English. We were working on Animal Farm, an easy subject matter. I didn’t mind communism; it was a welcome change from the exhausting romances that made up most of the curriculum. I settled into my seat, pleased by the distraction of Ms. Smith’s lecture.

Time moved easily while I was in college. The bell rang all too soon. I started repacking my bag.

“Taylor?”

I recognized Caleb’s voice, and I knew what his next words would be before he said them.

“Are you working tomorrow?”

I looked up. He was leaning across the aisle with an anxious expression. Every Friday he asked me the same question. Never mind that I hadn’t taken so much as a sick day. Well, with one exception, two months ago. But he had no reason to look at me with such concern. I was a model employee.

“Tomorrow is Saturday, isn’t it?” I said. Having just had it pointed out to me by Scott, I realized how lifeless my voice really sounded.

“Yeah, it is,” he agreed. “See you in Technology. ” He waved once before turning his back. He didn’t bother walking me to class anymore.

I trudged off to Programming with a grim expression. This was the class where I sat next to Zoe.

It had been weeks, maybe a month, since Zoe had even greeted me when I passed her in the hall. I knew I had offended her with my antisocial behavior, and she was sulking. It wasn’t going to be easy to talk to her now; especially to ask her to do me a favor. I weighed my options carefully as I loitered outside the classroom, procrastinating.

I wasn’t about to face Scott again without some kind of social interaction to report. I knew I couldn’t lie, though the thought of driving to Port Royale and back alone, being sure my odometer reflected the correct mileage, just in case he checked; was very tempting. Zoe’s mom was the biggest gossip in town, and Scott was bound to run into Mrs. Leon sooner rather than later. When he did, he would no doubt mention the trip. Lying was out.

With a sigh, I shoved the door open.

Mr. Ventus gave me a dark look; he’d already started the lecture. I hurried to my seat. Zoe didn’t look up as I sat next to her. I was glad that I had fifty minutes to mentally prepare myself.

This class flew by even faster than English. A small part of that speed was due to my goody-goody preparation this morning in the truck, but mostly it stemmed from the fact that time always sped up when I was looking forward to something unpleasant.

I grimaced when Mr. Ventus dismissed the class five minutes early. He smiled like he was being nice.

“Zoe?” My nose wrinkled as I cringed, waiting for her to turn on me.

She twisted in her seat to face me, eyeing me incredulously. “Are you talking to _me_ , Taylor?”

“Of course. ” I widened my eyes to suggest innocence.

“What? Do you need help with Programming?” Her tone was a tad sour.

“No. ” I shook my head. “Actually, I wanted to know if you would... go to the movies with me tonight? I really need a night out. ” The words sounded stiff, like badly delivered lines, and she looked suspicious.

“Why are you asking me?” she asked, still unfriendly.

“You’re the first person I think of when I want to spend some time with a friend. ” I smiled, and I hoped the smile looked genuine. It was probably true. She was at least the first person I thought of when I wanted to avoid Scott. It amounted to the same thing.

She seemed a little mollified. “Well, I don’t know. ”

“Do you have plans?”

“No... I guess I can go with you. What do you want to see?”

“I’m not sure what’s playing,” I hedged. This was the tricky part. I racked my brain for a clue; hadn’t I heard someone talk about a movie recently? Seen a poster? “How about that one with the female president?”

She looked at me oddly. “Taylor, that one’s been out of the theater forever. ”

“Oh. ” I frowned. “Is there anything you’d like to see?”

Zoe’s natural bubbliness started to leak out in spite of herself as she thought out loud. “Well, there’s that new romantic comedy that’s getting great reviews. I want to see that one. And my dad just saw Dead End and he really liked it. ”

I grasped at the promising title. “What’s that one about?”

“Zombies or something. He said it was the scariest thing he’d seen in years. ”

“That sounds perfect.” I’d rather deal with real zombies than watch a romance.

“O-kay. ” She seemed surprised by my response. I tried to remember if I liked scary movies, but I wasn’t sure. “Do you want me to pick you up after college?” she offered.

“Sure. ”

Zoe smiled at me with tentative friendliness before she left. My answering smile was just a little late, but I thought that she saw it.

The rest of the day passed quickly, my thoughts focused on planning for tonight. I knew from experience that once I got Zoe talking, I would be able to get away with a few mumbled responses at the appropriate moments. Only minimal interaction would be required.

The thick haze that blurred my days now was sometimes confusing. I was surprised when I found myself in my room, not clearly remembering the drive home from college or even opening the front door. But that didn’t matter. Losing track of time was the most I asked from life. The sooner I passed through this empty life to it's inevitable end, the better at this point. Jordan would probably get a kick out of me dying a virgin.

I didn’t fight the haze as I turned to my closet. The numbness was more essential in some places than in others. I barely registered what I was looking at as I slid the door aside to reveal the pile of rubbish on the left side of my closet, under the clothes I never wore.

My eyes did not stray toward the black garbage bag that held my present from that last birthday, did not see the shape of the stereo where it strained against the black plastic; I didn’t think of the bloody mess my nails had been when I’d finished clawing it out of the dashboard.

I yanked the old wallet I rarely used off the shelf it sat on, and shoved the door shut.

Just then I heard a horn honking. I swiftly traded my loose cash from my college bag into the purse. I was in a hurry, as if rushing would somehow make the night pass more quickly.

I glanced at myself in the hall mirror before I opened the door, arranging my features carefully into a smile and trying to hold them there. I didn't bother to style my hair, leaving it flat atop my head. It had grown a little in the past two months. Not that I ever looked at it past a brief brush first thing in the morning now.

“Thanks for coming with me tonight,” I told Zoe as I climbed into the passenger seat, trying to infuse my tone with gratitude. It had been a while since I’d really thought about what I was saying to anyone besides Scott. Zoe was harder. I wasn’t sure which were the right emotions to fake.

“Sure. So, what brought this on?” Zoe wondered as she drove down my street.

“Brought what on?”

“Why did you suddenly... decide to go out?” It sounded like she changed her question halfway through.

I shrugged. “Just needed a change. ”

I recognized the song on the radio then, and quickly reached for the dial. “Do you mind?” I asked.

“No, go ahead. ”

I scanned through the stations until I found one that was harmless. I peeked at Zoe’s expression as the new music filled the car.

Her eyes squinted. “Since when do you listen to rap?”

“I don’t know,” I said. “A while. ”

“You like this?” she asked doubtfully.

“Sure. ”

It would be much too hard to interact with Zoe normally if I had to work to tune out the music, too. I nodded my head, hoping I was in time with the beat.

“Okay...” She stared out the windshield with wide eyes.

“So what’s up with you and Brian these days?” I asked quickly.

“I haven’t seen him outside of college. ”

The question hadn’t started her talking like I’d hoped it would.

“No, I haven’t either,” I mumbled, and then I tried again. “Have you been out with anyone lately?”

“Not really. I go out with Conner sometimes. I went out with Caleb two weeks ago. ” She rolled her eyes, and I sensed a long story. I clutched at the opportunity.

“Caleb Mitchell? Who asked who?”

She groaned, getting more animated. “He did, of course! I couldn’t think of a nice way to say no... besides, he was sweet when we dated before, I guess I missed him a little...”

“Where did he take you?” I demanded, knowing she would interpret my eagerness as interest. “Tell me all about it. ”

She launched into her tale, and I settled into my seat, more comfortable now. I paid strict attention, murmuring in sympathy and gasping in horror as called for. When she was finished with her Caleb story, she continued into a Conner comparison without any prodding.

The movie was playing early, so Zoe thought we should hit the twilight showing and eat later. I was happy to go along with whatever she wanted; after all, I was getting what I wanted. Scott off my back.

I kept Zoe talking through the previews, so I could ignore them more easily. But I got nervous when the movie started. A young couple was walking along a beach, swinging hands and discussing their mutual affection with gooey falseness. I resisted the urge to cover my ears and start humming. I had not bargained for a romance.

“I thought we picked the zombie movie,” I hissed to Zoe.

“This is the zombie movie. ”

“Then why isn’t anyone getting eaten?” I asked desperately.

She looked at me with wide eyes that were almost alarmed. “I’m sure that part’s coming,” she whispered.

“I’m getting popcorn. Do you want any?”

“No, thanks. ”

Someone shushed us from behind.

I took my time at the concession counter, watching the clock and debating what percentage of a ninety-minute movie could be spent on romantic exposition. I decided ten minutes was more than enough, but I paused just inside the theater doors to be sure. I could hear horrified screams blaring from the speakers, so I knew I’d waited long enough.

“You missed everything,” Zoe murmured when I slid back into my seat. “Almost everyone is a zombie now. ”

“Long line. ” I offered her some popcorn. She took a handful.

The rest of the movie was comprised of gruesome zombie attacks and endless screaming from the handful of people left alive, their numbers dwindling quickly. I would have thought there was nothing in that to disturb me. But I felt uneasy, and I wasn’t sure why at first.

It wasn’t until almost the very end, as I watched a haggard zombie shambling after the last shrieking survivor, that I realized what the problem was. The scene kept cutting between the horrified face of the hero, and the dead, emotionless face of his pursuer, back and forth as it closed the distance.

And I suddenly realized which one resembled me the most.

I stood up.

“Where are you going? There’s, like, two minutes left,” Zoe hissed.

“I need a drink,” I muttered as I raced for the exit.

I sat down on the bench outside the theater door and tried very hard not to think of the irony. But it was ironic, all things considered, that, in the end, I would wind up as a zombie. I hadn’t seen that one coming.

Not that I hadn’t dreamed of becoming a mythical monster once; just never a grotesque, animated corpse. I shook my head to dislodge that train of thought, feeling panicky. I couldn’t afford to think about what I’d once longed for. What I'd dreamed of.

That path was closed to me now. Forever.

It was depressing to realize that I wasn’t the hero anymore, that my story was over.

Zoe came out of the theater doors and hesitated, probably wondering where the best place was to search for me. When she saw me, she looked relieved, but only for a moment. Then she looked irritated.

“Was the movie too scary for you?” she wondered scathingly.

“Yeah,” I agreed. “I guess I’m just a coward. ”

“That’s funny...” She frowned. “I didn’t think you were scared. I was screaming all the time, but I didn’t hear you scream once. So I didn’t know why you left. ”

I shrugged. “Just scared. ”

She relaxed a little. “That was the scariest movie I think I’ve ever seen. I’ll bet we’re going to have nightmares tonight. ”

“No doubt about that,” I said, trying to keep my voice normal. It was inevitable that I would have nightmares, but they wouldn’t be about zombies. Her eyes flashed to my face and away. Maybe I hadn’t succeeded with the normal voice.

“Where do you want to eat?” Zoe asked.

“I don’t mind... ladies choice.”

“Okay. ” Zoe started talking about the male lead in the movie as we walked. I nodded as she gushed over his hotness, unable to remember seeing a non-zombie man at all.

I didn’t watch where Zoe was leading me. I was only vaguely aware that it was dark and quieter now. It took me longer than it should have to realize why it was quiet. Zoe had stopped babbling. I looked at her apologetically, hoping I hadn’t hurt her feelings.

Zoe wasn’t looking at me. Her face was tense; she stared straight ahead and walked fast. As I watched, her eyes darted quickly to the right, across the road, and back again.

I glanced around myself for the first time.

We were on a short stretch of unlit sidewalk. The little shops lining the street were all locked up for the night, windows black. Half a block ahead, the streetlights started up again, and I could see, farther down, the bright golden arches of the McDonald’s she was heading for.

Across the street there was one open business. The windows were covered from inside and there were neon signs, advertisements for different brands of beer, glowing in front of them. The biggest sign, in brilliant green, was the name of the bar; One-Eyed Willy's. I wondered if there was some pirate theme not visible from outside. The metal door was propped open; it was dimly lit inside, and the low murmur of many voices and the sound of ice clinking in glasses floated across the street. Lounging against the wall beside the door were four men.

I glanced back at Zoe. Her eyes were fixed on the path ahead and she moved briskly. She didn’t look frightened, just wary, trying to not attract attention to herself.

I paused without thinking, looking back at the four men with a strong sense of deja vu. This was a different road, a different night, but the scene was so much the same. One of them was even short and dark. As I stopped and turned toward them, that one looked up in interest.

I stared back at him, frozen on the sidewalk.

“Taylor?” Zoe whispered. “What are you doing?”

I shook my head, not sure myself. “I think I know them...” I muttered.

What _was_ I doing? I should be running from this memory as fast as I could, blocking the image of the four lounging men from my mind, protecting myself with the numbness I couldn’t function without. Why was I stepping, dazed, into the street?

It seemed too coincidental that I should be in Port Royale with Zoe, on a dark street even. My eyes focused on the short one, trying to match the features to my memory of the man who had threatened me that night around six or so months ago. I wondered if there was any way I would recognize the man, if it was really him. That particular part of that particular evening was just a blur. My body remembered it better than my mind did; the tension in my legs as I tried to stand my ground, the dryness in my throat as I struggled to build a decent scream, the tight stretch of skin across my knuckles as I clenched my hands into fists and struck out defensively, the chills on the back of my neck when the dark-haired man called me ‘sugar.’

There was an indefinite, implied kind of menace to these men that had nothing to do with that other night. It sprung from the fact that they were strangers, and it was dark here, and they outnumbered us… nothing more specific than that. But it was enough that Zoe’s voice cracked in panic as she called after me.

“Taylor, come _on!”_

I ignored her, walking slowly forward without ever making the conscious decision to move my feet. I didn’t understand why, but the nebulous threat the men presented drew me toward them. It was a senseless impulse, but I hadn’t felt any kind of impulse in so long, I followed it.

Something unfamiliar beat through my veins. Adrenaline, I realized, long absent from my system, drumming my pulse faster and fighting against the lack of sensation. It was strange; why the adrenaline when there was no fear? It was almost as if it were an echo of the last time I’d stood like this, on a dark street in Port Royale with strangers.

I saw no reason for fear. I couldn’t imagine anything in the world that there was left to be afraid of. One of the few advantages of losing everything.

I was halfway across the street when Zoe caught up to me and grabbed my arm. “Taylor! You can’t go into that bar!” she hissed. "You can't leave me out here alone!"

“I’m not going in,” I said absently, shaking her hand off. “I just want to see something...”

“Are you crazy?” she whispered. “Are you _suicidal?”_

That question caught my attention, and my eyes focused on her.

“No, I’m not.” My voice sounded defensive, but it was true. I wasn’t suicidal. Even in the beginning, when death unquestionably would have been a relief, I didn’t consider it. I owed too much to Scott. I felt too responsible for Julia, for Jordan. I had to think of them.

And I’d made a promise not to do anything stupid or reckless.

For all those reasons, I was still breathing.

Remembering that promise. I felt a twinge of guilt, but what I was doing right now didn’t really count. It wasn’t like I was taking a blade to my wrists.

Zoe’s eyes were round, her mouth hung open. Her question about suicide had been rhetorical, I realized too late.

“Go eat,” I encouraged her, waving toward the fast food. I didn’t like the way she looked at me. “I’ll catch up in a minute. ”

I turned away from her, back to the men who were watching us with amused, curious eyes.

“ _Taylor, ya bloody idiot, stop right there_!”

My muscles locked into place, froze me where I stood. Because it wasn’t Zoe’s voice that rebuked me now. It was a furious voice, a familiar voice, a beautiful voice; soft like velvet but still rough like sandpaper, even though it was irate.

It was _his_ voice, I was exceptionally careful not to think his name; and I was surprised that the sound of it did not knock me to my knees, did not curl me onto the pavement in a torture of loss. But there was no pain.

None at all.

In the instant that I heard his voice, everything was very clear. Like my head had suddenly surfaced out of some dark pool. I was more aware of everything; sight, sound, the feel of the cold air that I hadn’t noticed was blowing sharply against my face, the smells coming from the open bar door.

I looked around myself in shock.

“ _Get the hell back to Leon_ ,” the lovely voice ordered, still angry. “ _Ya bloody well promised… nothin' reckless and nothin' stupid!_ ”

I was alone. Zoe stood a few feet from me, staring at me with frightened eyes. Against the wall, the strangers watched, confused, wondering what I was doing, standing there motionless in the middle of the street.

I shook my head, trying to understand. I knew he wasn’t there, and yet, he felt improbably close, close for the first time since... since the end. The anger in his voice was concern, the same anger that was once very familiar; something I hadn’t heard in what felt like a lifetime.

“ _Keep ya goddamn promise._ ” The voice was slipping away, as if the volume was being turned down on a radio.

I began to suspect that I was having some kind of hallucination. Triggered, no doubt, by the memory; the deja vu, the strange familiarity of the situation.

I ran through the possibilities quickly in my head.

Option one: I was crazy. That was the layman’s term for people who heard voices in their heads.

Possible.

Option two: My subconscious mind was giving me what it thought I wanted. This was wish fulfillment; a momentary relief from pain, by embracing the incorrect idea that he gave a shit whether I lived or died. Projecting what he would have said if A, he were here; and B, he would be in any way bothered by something bad happening to me.

Probable.

I could see no option three, so I hoped it was the second option and this was just my subconscious running amok, rather than something I would need to be hospitalized for.

My reaction was hardly sane, though; I was _grateful._ The sound of his voice was something that I’d feared I was losing, and so, more than anything else, I felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude that my unconscious mind had held onto that sound better than my conscious one had. I desperately hoped I wouldn't do something ridiculous, like cry, in my relief.

I was not allowed to think of him. That was something I tried to be very strict about. Of course I slipped; I was only human. But I was getting better, and so the pain was something I could avoid for days at a time now. The trade-off was the never-ending numbness. Between pain and nothing, I’d chosen nothing.

I waited for the pain now. I was not numb; my senses felt unusually intense after the few months of the haze, but the normal pain held off. The only ache was the disappointment that his voice was fading.

There was a second of choice.

The wise thing would be to run away from this potentially destructive; and certainly mentally unstable, development. It would be stupid to encourage hallucinations.

But his voice was fading.

I took another step forward, testing.

“ _Taylor, turn the hell 'round, right bloody now!_ ” He growled.

I sighed in relief. The anger was what I wanted to hear; false, fabricated evidence that he cared, a dubious gift from my subconscious.

Very few seconds had passed while I sorted all this out in my head. My little audience watched, curious. It probably looked like I was just dithering over whether or not I was going to approach them. How could they guess that I was standing there enjoying an unexpected moment of insanity?

“Hi,” one of the men called, his tone both confident and a bit sarcastic. He was fair-skinned and fair-haired, and he stood with the assurance of someone who thought of himself as quite good-looking. I couldn’t tell whether he was or not. I was prejudiced.

The voice in my head answered with an exquisite snarl. I smiled, and the confident man seemed to take that as encouragement.

“Can I help you with something? You look lost.” He grinned and winked.

I stepped carefully over the gutter, running with water that was black in the darkness.

“No. I’m not lost. ”

Now that I was closer; and my eyes felt oddly in focus, I analyzed the short, dark man’s face. It was not familiar in any way. I suffered a curious sensation of disappointment that this was not the terrible man who had tried to hurt me what seemed like a lifetime ago.

The voice in my head was quiet now.

The short man noticed my stare. “Can I buy you a drink?” he offered, nervous, seeming flattered that I’d singled him out to stare at.

“No,” I answered automatically.

He was baffled; wondering why I had approached them. I felt compelled to explain.

“From across the street, you looked like someone I knew. Sorry, my mistake. ”

The threat that had pulled me across the street had evaporated. These were not the dangerous men I remembered. They were probably nice guys. Safe. I lost interest.

“That’s okay,” the confident blonde said. “Stay and hang out with us. ”

“Thanks, but I can’t. ” Zoe was hesitating in the middle of the street, her eyes wide with outrage and betrayal.

“Oh, just a few minutes. ”

I shook my head, and turned to rejoin Zoe.

“Let’s go eat,” I suggested, barely glancing at her. Though I appeared to be, for the moment, freed of the zombie abstraction, I was just as distant. My mind was preoccupied. The safe, numb deadness did not come back, and I got more anxious with every minute that passed without its return.

“What were you _thinking?”_ Zoe snapped. “You don’t _know_ them! They could have been _psychopaths!”_

I shrugged, wishing she would let it go. “I just thought I knew one of the guy’s. ”

“You are _so_ odd, Taylor Lee. I feel like I don’t know who you are. ”

That made two of us I guess. “Sorry. ” I didn’t know what else to say to her.

We walked to McDonald’s in silence. I’d bet that she was wishing we’d taken her car instead of walking the short distance from the theater, so that she could use the drive-through. She was just as anxious now for this evening to be over as I had been from the beginning.

I tried to start a conversation a few times while we ate, but Zoe was not cooperative. I guessed I'd really offended her.

When we go back in the car, she tuned the stereo back to her favorite station and turned the volume too loud to allow easy conversation.

I didn’t have to struggle as hard as usual to ignore the music. Even though my mind, for once, was not carefully numb and empty, I had too much to think about to hear the lyrics.

I waited for the numbness to return, or the pain. Because the pain _must_ be coming. I’d broken my personal rules. Instead of shying away from the memories, I’d walked forward and greeted them. I’d heard _his_ voice, so clearly, in my head. That was going to cost me, I was sure of it. Especially if I couldn’t reclaim the haze to protect myself. I felt too alert, and that frightened me.

But relief was still the strongest emotion in my body; relief that came from the very core of my being.

As much as I struggled not to think of _him,_ I did not struggle to forget. I worried; late in the night, when the exhaustion of sleep deprivation broke down my defenses, that it was all slipping away. That my mind was a sieve, as he’d said; and I would someday not be able to remember the precise color of his eyes, the feel of his cool skin, or the texture of his voice. I was not to think of them, but I must remember them.

Because there was just one thing that I had to believe to be able to live; I had to know that he _existed._ That was all. Everything else I could endure. _So long as he_ _existed._

That’s why I was more trapped in Cedar Cove than I ever had been before, why I’d fought with Scott when he suggested a change. Honestly, it shouldn’t matter; no one was ever coming back here.

But if I were to go to New York, or anywhere else bright and unfamiliar, how could I be sure he was real? In a place where I could never imagine him, the conviction might fade; and that I could not live through.

Forbidden to remember, terrified to forget; it was a hard line to walk.

I was surprised when Zoe stopped the car in front of my house. The ride had not taken long, but, short as it seemed, I wouldn’t have thought that Zoe could go that long without speaking.

“Thanks for going out with me, Zoe,” I said as I opened my door. “That was... fun.” I hoped that fun was the appropriate word.

“Sure,” she muttered.

“I’m sorry about, uh, after the movie. ”

“Whatever, Taylor.” She glared out the windshield instead of looking at me. She seemed to be growing angrier rather than getting over it.

“See you Monday?”

“Yeah. Bye. ”

I gave up and shut the door. She drove away, still without looking at me.

I’d forgotten her by the time I was inside.

Scott was waiting for me in the middle of the hall, his arms folded tight over his chest with his hands balled into fists.

“Hey, Dad,” I said absentmindedly as I ducked around Scott, heading for the stairs. I’d been thinking about _him_ for too long, and I wanted to be upstairs before it caught up with me.

“Where have you been?” Scott demanded.

I looked at my dad, surprised. “I went to a movie in Port Royale with Zoe. Like I told you this morning. ”

“Humph,” he grunted.

“You remember, I'm twenty one; not five, right dad?" I asked, trying to arrange my face into a believable frown. "I don't need to tell you my every move, but I do out of respect." I added, my expression smoothing as I tried for a smile, and managed a half assed grimace. "Is that okay?”

He studied my face, his eyes widening as if he saw something unexpected. “Yeah, that’s fine. Did you have fun?”

“Sure,” I said. “We watched zombies eat people. It was great. ”

His eyes narrowed.

“‘Night, Dad. ”

He let me pass. I hurried to my room.

I lay in my bed a few minutes later, resigned as the pain finally made its appearance.

It was a crippling thing, this sensation that a huge hole had been punched through my chest, excising my most vital organs and leaving ragged, unhealed gashes around the edges that continued to throb and bleed despite the passage of time. Rationally, I knew my lungs must still be intact, yet I gasped for air and my head spun like my efforts yielded me nothing. My heart must have been beating, too, but I couldn’t hear the sound of my pulse in my ears; my hands felt blue with cold. I curled inward, hugging my ribs to hold myself together. I scrambled for my numbness, my denial, but it evaded me.

And yet, I found I could survive. I was alert, I felt the pain; the aching loss that radiated out from my chest, sending wracking waves of hurt through my limbs and head, but it was manageable. I could live through it. It didn’t feel like the pain had weakened over time, rather that I’d grown strong enough to bear it.

Whatever it was that had happened tonight; and whether it was the zombies, the adrenaline, or the hallucinations that were responsible; it had woken me up.

For the first time in a long time, I didn’t know what to expect in the morning.


	5. Reckless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taylor is awaaaake ☆
> 
> But, he's in pain... poor little herring
> 
> Shall we make him happy?
> 
> ... nah, lets make him even more miserable XD
> 
> Hope you enjoy ♡
> 
> x Our love to you all x

**Reckless**

“Taylor, why don’t you take off?” Caleb suggested, his eyes focused off to the side, not really looking at me. I wondered how long that had been going on without me noticing. It wasn't like I particularly minded, but I still found myself mildly interested.

It was a slow afternoon at Mitchell’s. At the moment there were only two patrons in the store, dedicated backpackers from the sound of their conversation. Caleb had spent the last hour going through the pros and cons of two brands of lightweight packs with them. But they’d taken a break from serious pricing to indulge in trying to one-up each other with their latest tales from the trail. Their distraction had given Caleb a chance to escape.

“I don’t mind staying,” I said. I still hadn’t been able to sink back into my protective shell of numbness, and everything seemed oddly close and loud today, like I’d taken cotton out of my ears. I tried to tune out the laughing hikers without success.

“I’m telling you,” said the thickset man with the orange beard that didn’t match his dark brown hair. “I’ve seen grizzlies pretty close up in Fellstone, but they had nothing on this brute.” His hair was matted, and his clothes looked like they’d been on his back for more than a few days. Fresh from the mountains. That was more appealing to me than it should have been; the idea of disappearing into the mountains for awhile, that is, not the dirty backpacker.

“Not a chance. Black bears don’t get that big. The grizzlies you saw were probably cubs. ” The second man was tall and lean, his face tanned and wind-whipped into an impressive leathery crust.

“Seriously, Taylor, as soon as these two give up, I’m closing the place down,” Caleb murmured.

“If you want me to go...” I shrugged.

“On all fours it was taller than you,” the bearded man insisted while I gathered my things together. “Big as a house and pitch-black. I’m going to report it to the ranger here. People ought to be warned! This wasn’t up on the mountain, mind you; this was only a few miles from the trailhead. ”

Leather-face laughed and rolled his eyes. “Let me guess; you were on your way in? Hadn’t eaten real food or slept off the ground in a week, right?”

“Hey, uh, Caleb, right?” the bearded man called, looking toward us.

“See you Monday,” I mumbled.

“Yes, sir,” Caleb replied, turning away.

“Say, have there been any warnings around here recently; about black bears?”

“No, sir. But it’s always good to keep your distance and store your food correctly. Have you seen the new bear-safe canisters? They only weigh two pounds...”

The doors slid open to let me out into the rain. I hunched over inside my jacket as I dashed for my truck. The rain hammering against my hood sounded unusually loud, too, but soon the roar of the engine drowned out everything else. That was one sound I was happy to hear again.

I didn’t want to go back to Scott’s empty house. Last night had been particularly brutal, and I had no desire to revisit the scene of the suffering. Even after the pain had subsided enough for me to sleep, it wasn’t over. Like I’d told Zoe after the movie, there was never any doubt that I would have nightmares.

I always had nightmares now, every night. Not nightmares really, not in the plural, because it was always the same nightmare. You’d think I’d get bored after so nights, grow immune to it. But the dream never failed to horrify me, and only ended when I woke myself with screaming. Scott didn’t come in to see what was wrong anymore, to make sure there was no intruder strangling me or something like that; he was used to it now.

My nightmare probably wouldn’t even frighten someone else. Nothing jumped out and screamed, “Boo!” There were no zombies, no ghosts, no psychopaths. There was nothing, really. Only nothing. Just the endless maze of moss-covered trees, so quiet that the silence was an uncomfortable pressure against my eardrums. It was dark, like dusk on a cloudy day, with only enough light to see that there was nothing to see. I hurried through the gloom without a path, always searching, searching, searching, getting more frantic as the time stretched on, trying to move faster, though the speed made me clumsy. Then there would come the point in my dream; and I could feel it coming now, but could never seem to wake myself up before it hit, when I couldn’t remember what it was that I was searching for. When I realized that there was nothing _to_ search for, and nothing to find. That there never had been anything more than just this empty, dreary wood, and there never would be anything more for me; nothing but nothing...

That was usually about when the screaming started.

I wasn’t paying attention to where I was driving; just wandering through empty, wet side roads as I avoided the ways that would take me home, because I didn’t have anywhere else to go.

I wished I could feel numb again, but I couldn’t remember how I’d managed it before. The nightmare was nagging at my mind and making me think about things that would cause me pain. I didn’t want to remember the forest. My hiking days were well and truly over. Even as I shuddered away from the images, I felt my eyes fill with tears and the aching begin around the edges of the hole in my chest. I took one hand from the steering wheel and wrapped it around my torso to hold it in one piece.

 _It'll be as if I never existed_.

The words ran through my head, lacking the perfect clarity of my hallucination last night. They were just words, soundless, like print on a page. Just words, but they ripped the hole wide open, and I stomped on the brake, knowing I should not drive while this incapacitated.

I curled over, pressing my face against the steering wheel and trying to breathe without lungs.

I wondered how long this could last. Maybe someday, years from now; if the pain would just decrease to the point where I could bear it, I would be able to look back on those few short wweks that would always be the best of my life. And, if it were possible that the pain would ever soften enough to allow me to do that, I was sure that I would feel grateful for as much time as he’d given me. More than I’d asked for, more than I’d deserved; for a creature such as him to have given me any of his attention. Maybe someday I’d be able to see it that way.

But what if this hole never got any better? If the raw edges never healed? If the damage was permanent and irreversible?

I held myself tightly together. As if he’d never existed, I thought in despair. What a stupid and impossible promise to make! He could steal my pictures and reclaim his gifts, but that didn’t put things back the way they’d been before I’d met him. The physical evidence was the most insignificant part of the equation. I was changed, my insides altered almost past the point of recognition. Even my outsides looked different; my face sallow, white except for the purple circles the nightmares had left under my eyes. My eyes were dark enough against my pallid skin that; if I were beautiful, and seen from a distance, I might even pass for a vampire now. But I was not beautiful, and I probably looked closer to a zombie.

As if he’d never existed? That was insanity. It was a promise that he could never keep, a promise that was broken as soon as he’d made it… just like every other promise he'd ever given me, it seems.

I thumped my head against the steering wheel, trying to distract myself from the sharper pain.

It made me feel silly for ever worrying about keeping my promise. Where was the logic in sticking to an agreement that had already been violated by the other party? Who cared if I was reckless and stupid? There was no reason to avoid recklessness, no reason why I shouldn’t get to be stupid.

I laughed humorlessly to myself, still gasping for air. Reckless in Cedar Cove? Ha, now there was a hopeless proposition.

The dark humor distracted me; and the distraction eased the pain. My breath came easier, and I was able to lean back against the seat. Though it was cold today, my forehead was damp with sweat.

I concentrated on my hopeless proposition to keep from sliding back into the excruciating memories. To be reckless in Cedar Cove would take a lot of creativity; maybe more than I had. But I wished I could find some way. I might feel better if I weren’t holding fast, all alone, to a broken pact. If I were an oath-breaker, too. But how could I cheat on my side of the deal, here in this harmless little town? Of course, Cedar Cove hadn’t always been so harmless, but now it was exactly what it had always appeared to be. It was peaceful, it was safe.

I stared out the windshield for a long moment, my thoughts moving sluggishly. I couldn’t seem to make those thoughts go anywhere. I cut the engine, which was groaning in a pitiful way after idling for so long, and stepped out into the drizzle.

The cold rain dripped through my hair and then trickled across my cheeks like freshwater tears. It helped to clear my head. I blinked the water from my eyes, staring blankly across the road.

After a minute of staring, I recognized where I was. I’d parked in the middle of the north lane of Swan Avenue. I was standing in front of the Jones' house, my truck was blocking their driveway; and across the road lived the Hawkins. I knew I needed to move my truck, and that I ought to go home. It was wrong to wander the way I had, distracted and impaired, a menace on the roads of Cedar Cove. Besides, someone would notice me soon enough, and report me to Scott.

As I took a deep breath in preparation to move, a sign in the Hawkins' yard caught my eye; it was just a big piece of cardboard leaning against their mailbox post, with black letters scrawled in caps across it.

Sometimes, kismet happens.

Coincidence? Or was it meant to be? I didn’t know, but it seemed kind of silly to think that it was somehow fated, that the dilapidated motorcycles rusting in the Hawkins' front yard beside the hand-printed _FOR SALE, AS IS_ sign were serving some higher purpose by existing there, right where I needed them to be.

So maybe it wasn’t kismet. Maybe there were just all kinds of ways to be reckless, and I only now had my eyes open to them.

Reckless and stupid. Those were Scott’s two very favorite words to apply to motorcycles.

Scott’s job didn’t get a lot of action compared to cops in bigger towns, but he did get called in on traffic accidents. With the long, wet stretches of freeway twisting and turning through the forest, blind corner after blind corner, there was no shortage of that kind of action. But even with all the huge log-haulers barreling around the turns, mostly people walked away. The exceptions to that rule were often on motorcycles, and Scott had seen one too many victims, almost always kids, smeared on the highway. He’d made me promise before I was ten that I would never accept a ride on a motorcycle. Even at that age, I didn’t have to think twice before promising. Who would want to ride a motorcycle here? It would be like taking a sixty-mile-per-hour bath.

So many promises I kept.

It clicked together for me then. I _wanted_ to be stupid and reckless, and I _wanted_ to break promises. Why the hell should I stop at one?

That’s as far as I thought it through. I sloshed through the rain to the Hawkins' front door and rang the bell.

The Hawkins girl opened the door, but I couldn’t remember her name. Her blonde hair fell down past her shoulders.

She had no trouble remembering my name. “Taylor Lee?” She asked in surprise.

“How much do you want for the bike?” I panted, jerking my thumb over my shoulder toward the sales display.

“Are you serious?” She demanded.

“Of course I am. ”

“They don’t work. ”

I sighed impatiently; this was something I’d already inferred from the sign. “How much?” I repeated insistently, trying not to vent my irritation.

“If you really want one, just take it. My mom made my dad move them down to the road so they’d get picked up with the garbage.”

I glanced at the bikes again and saw that they were resting on a pile of yard clippings and dead branches. “Are you positive about that?”

“Sure, you want to ask her?”

It was probably better not to involve adults who might mention this to Scott.

“No, I believe you. ”

“You want me to help you?” She offered. “They’re not light. ”

“Okay, thanks. I only need one, though. ”

“Might as well take both,” the girl said. “Maybe you could scavenge some parts from the other.”

She followed me out into the downpour and helped me load both of the heavy bikes into the back of my truck. She seemed eager to be rid of them, so I didn’t argue.

“What are you going to do with them, anyway?” She asked. “They haven’t worked in years. ”

“I kind of guessed that,” I said, shrugging. My spur-of-the-moment whim hadn’t come with a plan intact. “Maybe I’ll take them to Hardings. ”

She snorted. “Harding would charge more to fix them than they’d be worth running. ”

I couldn’t argue with that. Scout Harding had earned a reputation for his pricing; no one went to him except in an emergency. Most people preferred to make the drive up to Port Royale, if their car was able. I’d been very lucky on that front; I’d been worried, when Scott first gifted me my ancient truck, that I wouldn’t be able to afford to keep it running. But I’d never had a single problem with it, other than the fifty-five-mile-per-hour maximum speed limit. Diego Soto had kept it in great shape when it had belonged to his father, Ricardo.

Inspiration hit like a bolt of lightning; not unreasonable, considering the storm. “You know what? That’s okay. I know someone who builds cars.”

“Oh. That’s good.” She smiled in relief.

She waved as I pulled away, still smiling. Friendly girl.

I drove quickly and purposefully now, in a hurry to get home before there was the slightest chance of Scott appearing, even in the highly unlikely event that he might knock off early. I dashed through the house to the phone, keys still in hand.

“Chief Lee, please,” I said when the deputy answered. “It’s Taylor. ”

“Oh, hey, Taylor,” Deputy Damien said affably. “I’ll go get him. ”

I waited.

“What’s wrong, Taylor?” Scott demanded as soon as he picked up the phone.

“Can’t I call you at work without there being an emergency?”

He was quiet for a minute. “You never have before. Is there an emergency?”

“No. I just wanted directions to the Sotos' place… I’m not sure I can remember the way. I want to visit Diego. I haven’t seen him in ages.”

When Scott spoke again, his voice was much happier. “That’s a great idea, Tay-Bear. Do you have a pen?”

The directions he gave me were very simple. I assured him that I would be back for dinner, though he tried to tell me not to hurry. He wanted to join me in Hartfeld, and I wasn’t having that.

So it was with a deadline that I drove too quickly through the storm-darkened streets out of town. I hoped I could get Diego alone. Ricardo would probably tell Scott on me if he knew what I was up to. It wasn't like it'd be the first time he'd tried to tattle, after all.

While I drove, I worried a little bit about Ricardo’s reaction to seeing me. He would be too pleased. In Ricardo’s mind, no doubt, this had all worked out better than he had dared to hope. His pleasure and relief would only remind me of the one I couldn’t bear to be reminded of. Not again today, I pleaded silently. I was spent.

The Sotos' house was vaguely familiar, a small wooden place with narrow windows, the dull red paint making it resemble a tiny barn. Diego’s head peered out of the window before I could even get out of the truck. No doubt the familiar roar of the engine had tipped him off to my approach. Diego had been very grateful when Scott bought Ricardo’s truck for me, saving Diego from having to drive it anymore. I liked my truck very much, but Diego seemed to consider the speed restrictions a shortcoming.

He met me halfway to the house. “Taylor!”

His excited grin stretched wide across his face, the bright teeth standing in vivid contrast to the warm olive tint of his skin. I’d never seen his hair out of its usual ponytail before. It fell like black satin curtains on either side of his broad face. Diego had grown into some of his potential in the last few months. He’d passed that point where the soft muscles of childhood hardened into the solid, build of a man; the tendons and veins had become prominent under the warm skin of his arms, his hands. His face was still sweet like I remembered it, though it had hardened, too; the planes of his cheekbones sharper, his jaw squared off, all childish roundness gone.

“Hey, Diego!” I felt an unfamiliar surge of enthusiasm at his smile.

I realized that I was pleased to see him. This knowledge surprised me for a multitude of reasons; especially that I even still recognised feeling pleased in the first place. I smiled back, and something clicked silently into place, like two corresponding puzzle pieces. I’d forgotten, again, how much I really liked Diego. Some best friend I was.

He stopped a few feet away from me, and I stared up at him in surprise, leaning my head back though the rain pelted my face.

“You grew again!” I accused in amazement. "Hey, this isn't fair, dude!"

He laughed, his smile widening impossibly. “Six five,” he announced with self-satisfaction. "And way more room for cheese sticks, should they _happen_ to appear." His voice was deeper, but it had the husky tone I remembered.

“Is it ever going to stop?” I shook my head in disbelief, pouting at the injustice of the world. “You’re huge. This is… this is size-ist, dude!”

“Hey, in your own words; you snooze, you lose.” He laughed. “Come inside! You’re getting all wet. ”

He led the way, twisting his hair in his big hands as he walked. He pulled a rubber band from his hip pocket and wound it around the bundle.

“Hey, Dad,” he called as he ducked to get through the front door. “Look who stopped by.”

Ricardo was in the tiny square living room, a book in his hands. He set the book in his lap and wheeled himself forward when he saw me, seeming a mixture of startled, relieved and surprised to see me. “Well, what do you know! It’s good to see you, Taylor. ” We shook hands. Mine was lost in his wide grasp. “What brings you out here? Everything okay with Scott?”

“Yes, he's fine. I just wanted to see Diego… I haven’t seen him in forever. ”

Diego grinned at my words, playfully jabbing me in the arm. He was smiling so big it looked like it should hurt his cheeks.

“Can you stay for dinner?” Ricardo was eager, too.

“No!" I said, slightly too quickly, forcing an awkward chuckle as I tried to grin sheepishly. I suspected I managed a pained grimace. "I’ve got to feed Scott, you know. ”

“I’ll call him now,” Ricardo suggested. “He’s always invited. ”

I laughed to hide my discomfort. “It’s not like you’ll never see me again. I promise I’ll be back again soon… so much you’ll get sick of me.” After all, if Diego could fix the bike, someone had to teach me how to ride it.

Ricardo chuckled in response. “Okay, maybe next time. ”

“So, Taylor, what do you want to do?” Diego asked. "I just got a box set of Supernatural Season One, I was just about to see if it's worth all the hype..?"

“Oh, I don't mind…" I did mind. TV was not on my agenda, but I wasn't sure how to navigate us toward the topic of outside or car stuff without seeming suspicious. "What were you doing before I interrupted?” I was surprised to find I felt weirdly comfortable here. It was familiar, but only distantly. There were no painful reminders of my recent past.

Diego frowned and hesitated, sensing my interest in something specific as he looked me over curiously. “Well, I mean, I _was_ just heading out to work on my car, but we can do something else—”

“No, that’s perfect!” I interrupted. “I’d _love_ to see your car. ”

“O-kay… weirdo.” He coughed, not convinced. “It’s out back, in the garage. ”

Even better, I thought to myself. I waved at Ricardo. “See you later.”

A thick stand of trees and shrubbery concealed his garage from the house. The garage was no more than a couple of big reformed sheds that had been bolted together with their interior walls knocked out. Under this shelter, raised on cinder blocks, was what looked to me like a completed automobile. I recognized the symbol on the grille, at least.

“What kind of Chevrolet is that?” I asked.

“It’s an old Impala; nineteen sixty seven, a _classic_.” He grinned, glancing over at me slyly. "It's actually the kind of car they use in that show; Supernatural."

"Wow... that's pretty gay, dude." I teased awkwardly. This banter thing was harder than I remembered. “How’s it going?”

“Almost finished,” he said cheerfully. And then his voice dropped into a lower key. “My dad made good on his promise last November.”

“Ah,” I said.

He seemed to understand my reluctance to open the subject. I tried not to remember last November at the end of year ball. Diego had been bribed by his father with money and car parts to deliver a message there. Ricardo wanted me to stay a safe distance from the most important person in my life. It turned out that his concern was, in the end, unnecessary. I was all too safe now.

But I was going to see what I could do to change that.

“Diego... what do you know about motorcycles?” I asked.

He shrugged. “Some. My friend Julian has a dirt bike. We work on it together sometimes. Why?”

“Well...” I pursed my lips as I considered. I wasn’t sure if he could keep his mouth shut, but I didn’t have many other options. “I recently acquired a couple of bikes, and they’re not in the greatest condition. I wonder if you could get them running?”

“Cool.” He seemed truly pleased by the challenge. His face glowed. “I’ll give it a try. ”

I held up one finger in warning. “The thing is,” I explained, “Scott doesn’t approve of motorcycles. Honestly, he’d probably bust a vein in his forehead if he knew about this. So you can’t tell Ricardo. ”

“Sure, sure.” Diego smiled. “I get it, dude. Chief of Police's _twenty one year old_ son, wants to act a rebel at last. Dude, also; very ouch on the no invitation to your birthday… it's yet another of yours I missed; and you were actually _in_ town." He said, wiggling his eyebrows playfully. "So, what are you now, forty?”

I sniffed. “Close." I felt much older. Every day felt like a year at this point.

"So, what did you do—”

“I’ll pay you,” I blurted quickly, desperately trying to cut him off before he mentioned that awful event, the one which had effectively ruined my entire life.

This offended him. “Uh, no you will not. You don't pay best friends when they want to help. ”

“Well… how about a trade, then?” I was making this up as I went, but it seemed reasonable enough. “I only need one bike; and I’ll need lessons, too. So how about this? I’ll give you the other bike, and then you can teach me.”

“Swee-eet. ” He made the word into two syllables.

It had been a long time since I’d felt so light and buoyant. The rarity of the feeling made it more difficult to manage.

“So uh, when do you think you'll be finished..? I don't wanna interrupt your project,” I said, trying to hide some on my eagerness.

“Dude, don't be stupid… I can work on my beast anytime. When can you bring them down?”

I bit my lip, embarrassed. “They’re in my truck now,” I admitted.

“Awesome.” He seemed to mean it.

“Will Ricardo see if we bring them around?”

He winked at me. “We’ll be sneaky.”

We eased around from the east, sticking to the trees when we were in view of the windows, affecting a casual-looking stroll, just in case. Diego unloaded the bikes swiftly from the truck bed, wheeling them one by one into the shrubbery where I hid. It looked too easy for him; I’d remembered the bikes being much, much heavier than that.

“These aren’t half bad,” Diego appraised as we pushed them through the cover of the trees. “This one here will actually be worth something when I’m done… it’s an old Harley Sprint. ”

“That one’s yours, then. ”

“Are you sure?”

“Absolutely. ”

“These are going to take some cash, though,” he said, frowning down at the blackened metal. “We’ll have to save up for parts first. ”

“ _We_ nothing,” I disagreed. “If you’re doing this for free, _I’ll_ pay for the parts. ”

“I don’t know, dude, this could be some serious wonga…" he muttered.

“I can't believe you just said wonga…" I said, shaking my head as he laughed. "Besides, I’ve got some money saved. University fund, you know. ” Ha, what a joke, I thought to myself. It wasn’t like I’d saved up enough to go anywhere special; and besides, I had no intention to ever leave Cedar Cove now anyway. What difference would it make if I blew the lot on a couple of reckless machines?

Diego just nodded. This all made perfect sense to him.

As we skulked back to the makeshift garage, I contemplated my luck. Only a best friend like Diego would agree to this: deceiving both our parents while repairing dangerous vehicles using money meant for my university education. He didn’t see anything wrong with that picture. Diego was a gift from the gods.


	6. Awakening

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who's up for some Taylor pain?  
> Some Diego bonding?
> 
> Yeah?  
> Cool <3
> 
> Hope you enjoy; thankyou for reading! Hope to hear from you!
> 
> x Our love to you all x

**Awakening**

The motorcycles didn’t need to be hidden any further than simply placing them in Diego’s shed. Ricardo’s wheelchair couldn’t maneuver the uneven ground separating it from the house. Small mercy's, I thought with relief.

Diego started pulling the first bike; the red one, which was destined for me, to pieces immediately. He opened up the passenger door of the Impala so I could sit on the seat instead of the ground. While he worked, Diego chattered happily, needing only the lightest of nudges from me to keep the conversation rolling. He updated me on the progress of his second year of College, running on about his classes and his two main friends.

“Tom and Julian?” I interrupted. “Are they family names? They seem way too normal to be applied to anyone on the reservation..."

Diego snorted and tossed an oily nut in my general direction, laughing loudly when I squealed inelegantly and dodged out of the way quickly. “Tom’ is a hand-me-down; it's short for 'Tomoichi'... and I think Julian got named after a soap opera star. I can’t exactly say anything, though." He said, rolling his eyes as he cast a dirty look in the general direction of his house. "They fight dirty if you start on their names… they’ll tag team you.”

“Good friends.” I raised one eyebrow.

“No, they are. Just don’t mess with their names.”

"I don’t see why anyone would…”

“Same as you said, dude; they’re not typical reservation names.”

“Hmm… well, you know there's nothing wrong with 'Diego' dude," I said, switching the subject slightly and offering him a distant smile.

Diego grinned, then smiles deviously. "Yes, well, not all of us can have awesome first names, Taylore—"

I threw a jab on his shoulder, "You ass, when someone gives you a compliment, return in, you dork." I scowled.

Diego just laughed.

Just then a call echoed in the distance. “Diego?” someone shouted.

“Is that Ricardo?” I asked.

“No... ” Diego sighed and ducked his head, and it looked like he was blushing under his tanned skin. “Speak of the devil,” he mumbled, “and the devil shall appear.”

“Diego? Are you out here?” The shouting voice was closer now.

“Yeah!” Diego shouted back, and sighed.

We waited through the short silence until two tall, tanned guys strolled around the corner into the shed.

One was slender, and almost as tall as Diego. His black hair had to have been pretty long, because he had a pretty epic man bun going on. The shorter boy was more burly. His white T-shirt strained over his well-developed chest, and he seemed gleefully conscious of that fact. His hair was so short at the sides, it was almost a buzz; but it had been left longer on top. I thought about my own hair; previously so immaculately spiked at all times if I were to be in public, but now laying flat and lifeless. I blinked when I realised I could actually see it peeking into the top of my vision now.

Both guys stopped short when they saw me. The thin one glanced swiftly back and forth between Diego and me, while the brawny guy kept his eyes on me, a slow smile spreading across his face.

“Hey, guys,” Diego greeted them halfheartedly.

“Hey, Diego,” the short one said without looking away from me. I had to smile in response, his grin was so impish. When I did, he winked at me. “Hey, there.”

“Tom, Julian; this is my _best_ friend, Taylor.” Diego introduced with a long suffering sigh, and then snickering when the other two both jabbed him in both shoulders.

Tom and Julian, I still didn’t know which was which, exchanged a loaded look.

“Scott’s kid, right?” the brawny guy asked me, holding out his hand.

“That’s me,” I confirmed, shaking hands with him. His grasp was firm; it looked like he was flexing his bicep.

“I’m Julian Castillo,” he announced grandly before releasing my hand.

“Nice to meet you, Julian. ”

“Hey, Taylor. I’m Tom, Tom Sato; you probably already figured that out, though.” Tom smiled a shy smile and waved with one hand, which he then shoved in the pocket of his jeans.

I nodded. “Nice to meet you, too. ”

“So what are you guys doing?” Julian asked, still looking at me.

“Taylor and I are going to fix up these bikes,” Diego explained inaccurately; because we both knew I was going to be doing little besides watching. But bikes seemed to be the magic word. Both guys went to examine Diego’s project, drilling him with educated questions. Many of the words they used were unfamiliar to me, and I figured I’d have to have grown up more interested in mechanics and dirty man stuff, to really understand the excitement.

They were still immersed in talk of parts and pieces when I decided that I needed to head back home before Scott showed up here. With a sigh, I slid out of the Impala.

Diego looked up, apologetic. “Sorry, dude… we’re boring you, aren’t we?”

“No, not at all.” And it wasn’t a lie. I _was_ enjoying myself, how strange. “I'm learning lots about uh, parts… and stuff… I just have to go cook dinner for Scott.”

“Fairy snuff, dude. Well, I’ll finish taking these apart tonight and figure out what more we’ll need to get started on rebuilding them. When do you want to work on them again?”

“Is tomorrow too soon?” Sundays were the bane of my existence. There was never enough coursework to keep me busy.

Julian nudged Tom’s arm and they exchanged grins.

Diego grinned obliviously. “That's fine, dude. You're welcome here whenever, you know that.” He said, bumping his fist to mine as we had when we were kids.

“If you make a list, we could go shop for parts,” I suggested.

Diego’s face fell a little. “I still don't think you should pay for everything.”

I shook my head. “Oh hell, no. I am one hundred percent, bankrolling this party. You just have to supply the labor, the expertise, the lessons… and you know, the awful puns.”

"Hey, my puns are classy." Diego defended.

"Yeah, sure… compared to my dads." I snorted, as Diego laughed and shook his head, his expression sobering as he eyed the bikes.

Tom rolled his eyes at Julian.

“Still doesn’t seem right,” Diego shook his head again. "I owe you a birthday present… or ten, anyway-"

"Shut up, Diego." I huffed, rolling my eyes. "I owe you just as many…" I reminded him sulkily.

"You're giving me the better bike!" Diego protested, as we mock scowled at one another.

“Dude, if I took these to a mechanic, how much would he charge me?” I pointed out, trying a different tactic.

That made him pause for a second; and then he smiled. “Okay yeah, you’re getting a deal. ”

“Not to mention the riding lessons,” I added.

Julian grinned widely at Tom and whispered something I didn’t catch. Diego’s hand flashed out to smack the back of Julian's head. “That’s it, get out,” he muttered with a frown.

“I've gotta go, anyway.” I protested, heading for the door. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Diego… I'll bring some cheese sticks.”

As soon as I was out of sight, I heard Tom and Julian chorus, “ _Wooooo_!”

The sound of a brief scuffle followed, interspersed with an “ _ouch_ ” and a “ _hey_!”

"Hey, he is my best friend, got it? Don't even think of sullying that with your lame fangirling." Diego scolded, and I could imagine the semi playful expression he no doubt wore.

“If either of you set so much as one toe on my land tomorrow...” I heard him go on to threaten. His voice was lost as I walked through the trees.

I snickered quietly. The sound made my eyes widen in wonder. I was laughing, _actually_ laughing, and there wasn’t even anyone watching. I felt so weightless that I laughed again, just make the feeling last longer.

I beat Scott home. When he walked in I was just taking the fried chicken out of the pan and laying it on a pile of paper towels.

“Hey, Dad.” I flashed him a grin.

Shock flitted across his face before he pulled his expression together. “Hey, Tay-Bear,” he said, his voice uncertain. “Did you have fun with Diego?”

I started moving the food to the table. “Yeah, I did.”

“Well, that’s good.” He was still cautious. “What did you two do?”

Now it was my turn to be cautious. “I hung out in his garage and watched him work. Did you know he’s rebuilding an Impala?”

“Yeah, I think Ricardo mentioned that. ”

The interrogation had to stop when Scott began chewing, but he continued to study my face as he ate.

After dinner, I dithered around, cleaning the kitchen twice, and then did my coursework slowly in the front room while Scott watched a show on how model trains had changed over the past thirty years. I waited as long as I could, but finally Scott mentioned the late hour. When I didn’t respond, he got up, stretched, and then left, turning out the light behind him. Reluctantly, I followed.

As I climbed the stairs, I felt the last of the afternoon’s abnormal sense of well-being drain from my system, replaced by a dull fear at the thought of what I was going to have to live through now.

I wasn’t numb anymore. Tonight would, no doubt, be as horrific as last night. I lay down on my bed and curled into a ball in preparation for the onslaught. I squeezed my eyes shut and… the next thing I next I knew, it was morning.

I stared at the pale silver light coming through my window, stunned.

For the first time in more than seven weeks, I slept without dreaming. Dreaming or screaming. I couldn’t tell which emotion was stronger; the relief or the shock.

I lay still in my bed for a few minutes, waiting for it to come back. Because something must be coming. If not the pain, then the numbness. I waited, but nothing happened. I felt more rested than I had in a long time.

I didn’t trust this to last. It was a slippery, precarious edge that I balanced on, and it wouldn’t take much to knock me back down. Just glancing around my room with these suddenly clear eyes, noticing how strange it looked. Too tidy, like I didn’t live here at all; was dangerous.

I pushed that thought from my mind, and concentrated, as I got dressed, on the fact that I was going to see Diego again today. The thought made me feel almost... hopeful. Well, maybe not something so extreme, but a small warm tickle; at the very least. It was still something very strange, after having been in the dark pit of emptiness and depression for so long. 

Maybe it would be the same as yesterday. Maybe I wouldn’t have to remind myself to look interested and nod or smile at appropriate intervals, the way I had to with everyone else. Maybe, but I wouldn’t trust this to last, either. Wouldn’t trust it to be the same; so easy, as yesterday. I wasn’t going to set myself up for disappointment like that.

At breakfast, Scott was being careful, too. He tried to hide his scrutiny, keeping his eyes on his eggs until he thought I wasn’t looking.

“What are you up to today?” he asked, eyeing a loose thread on the edge of his cuff like he wasn’t paying much attention to my answer.

“I’m going to hang out with Diego again. ”

He nodded without looking up. “Oh,” he said.

“Do you mind?” I pretended to worry. “I could stay…"

He glanced up quickly, a hint of panic in his eyes. “No, no! You go ahead. Charlie was going to come up to watch the game with me anyway.”

Why the hell did nobody in Hartfeld have a working television set? Although, I really couldn't complain, given that it created such a perfect opportunity to work on the bikes with Diego; without the potential threat of parental discovery. “Maybe Charlie could give Ricardo a ride up,” I suggested. The fewer witnesses the better.

“That’s a great idea. ”

I wasn’t sure if the game was just an excuse for kicking me out; determined to make me stay out of the house and not return to rotting in my room, but he looked excited enough now. He headed to the phone while I donned my rain jacket. I felt self-conscious with the checkbook shoved in my jacket pocket. It was something I never used.

Outside, the rain came down like water slopped from a bucket. I had to drive more slowly than I wanted to; I could hardly see a car length in front of the truck. But I finally made it through the muddy lanes to Diego’s house. Before I’d even killed the engine, a sound I was sad to realise I hadn't even appreciated for weeks, the front door opened and Diego came running out with a huge black umbrella.

He held it over my door while I opened it.

“Scott called… said you were on your way,” Diego explained with a grin.

Effortlessly, without a conscious command to the muscles around my lips, my answering smile spread across my face. A strange feeling of warmth bubbled up in my throat, despite the icy rain splattering on my cheeks.

“Hey, Diego. ”

“Good call on inviting Ricardo up. ” He held up his hand for a high five.

I had to reach so high to slap his hand that he laughed. I hated whatever sick bastard of a deity had decided to make me such a goddamn short ass… as well as torment me with that brief dream of a beautiful life.

Charlie showed up to get Ricardo just a few minutes later. Diego took me on a brief tour of his tiny room while we waited to be unsupervised.

“So where to, Mr. Goodwrench?” I asked as soon as the door closed behind Ricardo.

Diego pulled a folded paper out of his pocket and smoothed it out. “We’ll start at the dump first, see if we can get lucky. This could get a little expensive,” he warned me. “Those bikes are going to need a lot of help before they’ll run again.” My face didn’t look worried enough, so he continued. “I’m talking about maybe more than a hundred dollars here. ”

I pulled my checkbook out, fanned myself with it, and rolled my eyes at his worries. “We’re covered, Fix It Felix.”

It was a very strange kind of day. I... enjoyed myself. Even at the dump, in the slopping rain and ankle-deep mud and other peoples throw away's. I wondered at first if it was just the aftershock of losing the numbness, but I didn’t think that was enough of an explanation.

I was beginning to think it was mostly Diego. It wasn’t just that he was always so happy to see me, or that he didn’t watch me out of the corner of his eye, waiting for me to do something that would mark me as crazy or depressed. It was nothing that related to me at all.

It was Diego himself. Diego was simply a perpetually happy person, and he carried that happiness with him like an aura, sharing it with whoever was near him. Like an earthbound sun, whenever someone was within his gravitational pull, Diego warmed them. It was natural, a part of who he was. No wonder I was so eager to see him.

I remembered how shy he'd been as a kid, how alone he'd always seemed to be; despite having two sisters. We both got on so well, because we didn't really get how to interact with other people. His confidence must have grown when he started shooting upward too, I realised fondly.

Even when he commented on the gaping hole in my dashboard, it didn’t send me into a panic like it should have.

“Did the stereo break?” he wondered.

“Yeah,” I lied.

He poked around in the cavity. “Who took it out? There’s a lot of damage…"

“I did,” I admitted quietly.

He laughed. “Maybe you shouldn’t touch the motorcycles too much. ”

“No problem, dude." I laughed.

According to Diego, we did get lucky at the dump. He was very excited about several grease-blackened pieces of twisted metal that he found; I was just impressed that he could tell what they were supposed to be... I also refused to touch them. I'm not squeamish about dirt and all; but have you tried to get grease out of clothes before? I don't think so.

From there we went to the Draughts Auto Parts down in Dororo. In my truck, it was more than a two hour drive south on the winding freeway, but the time passed easily with Diego. He chattered about his friends and his College, and I found myself asking questions, not even pretending, truly curious to hear what he had to say.

“I’m doing all the talking,” he complained after a long story about Tom and the trouble he’d stirred up by asking out another students steady girlfriend. “Why don’t you take a turn? What’s going on in Cedar Cove? It has to be more exciting than Hartfeld. ”

“Wrong,” I sighed. “There’s really nothing. Your friends are a lot more interesting than mine. I like your friends. Tom’s funny. ”

He frowned. “I think Tom likes you, too. ”

I laughed. “Ha, he is soooo not my type, dude… besides he's way too young for me. ”

Diego’s frown deepened. “Taylor, he's not that much younger than you. It’s like, two years tops. Compared to _some_ age gaps, that's nothing at all. ”

I had a feeling we weren’t talking about Tom anymore. My heart clenched with the threat of pain. Age gaps hit too close to home for me. I kept my voice light, teasing. “Sure, but, considering the difference in maturity between straight guys, bi guys and gay guys, don’t you have to count that in dog years? What does that make me, about twelve years older?”

He laughed, rolling his eyes. “Okay, but if you’re going to get picky like that, you have to average in size, too. You’re so small, I’ll have to knock ten years off your total.”

“Five foot four is perfectly average.” I lied with a sniff of disdain. We both knew I hated being so damn short.

"Yeah, sure... for a teenage girl." Diego sniggered.

I feigned an outraged gasp and jostled him carefully as he laughed. “It’s not my fault you’re a freak.” 

We bantered like that till Dororo, still arguing over the correct formula to determine age, I lost two more years because I didn’t know how to change a tire, but gained one back for being in charge of the bookkeeping at my house; until we were in Draughts, and Diego had to concentrate again. We found everything left on his list, and Diego felt confident that he could make a lot of progress with our haul.

By the time we got back to Hartfeld, I was twenty-three and he was thirty; he was definitely cheating, using all his skills against me.

I hadn’t forgotten the reason for what I was doing. And, even though I was enjoying myself more than I’d thought possible, there was no lessening of my original desire. 

I still wanted to cheat. 

It was senseless, and I really didn’t care. I was going to be as reckless as I could possibly manage in peaceful, safe Cedar Cove. I would not be the only keeper of an empty contract. Getting to spend time with my best friend while I cheated, was just a much bigger perk than I’d expected.

Ricardo wasn’t back yet, so we didn’t have to be sneaky about unloading our day’s spoils. As soon as we had everything laid out on the plastic floor next to Diego’s toolbox, he went right to work, still talking and laughing while his fingers combed expertly through the metal pieces in front of him.

Diego’s skill with his hands was fascinating. They looked too big for the delicate tasks they performed with ease and precision. While he worked, he seemed almost graceful. Unlike when he was on his feet; there, his height and big feet made him nearly as dangerous as I was.

Tom and Julian did not show up, so maybe his threat yesterday had been taken seriously.

The day passed too quickly. It got dark outside the mouth of the garage before I was expecting it, and then we heard Ricardo calling for us.

I jumped up to help Diego put things away, hesitating because I wasn’t sure where everything actually went.

“Just leave it,” he said. “I’ll work on it later tonight. ”

“Don’t forget your college work or anything,” I said, feeling a little guilty. I didn’t want him to get in trouble. That plan was just for me.

“Taylor?”

Both our heads snapped up as Scott’s familiar voice wafted through the trees, sounding closer than the house.

“Oh, godammit,” I muttered. “Coming!” I yelled toward the house.

“Let’s go.” Diego smiled, enjoying the cloak-and-dagger. He snapped the light off, and for a moment I was blind. Diego grabbed my hand and towed me out of the garage and through the trees, his feet finding the familiar path easily. His hand was rough, and very warm.

Despite the path, we were both tripping over our feet in the darkness. Diego released my hand when the house came into view; the two of us needing both our arms to keep our balance, we were so busy laughing. The laughter did not go deep; it was light and superficial, but still nice. I was sure he wouldn’t notice the faint hint of hysteria. Being in both the dark and the trees would never be good for me again. I also wasn’t used to laughing, and it felt right but also very wrong at the same time.

Scott was standing under the little back porch, and Ricardo was sitting in the doorway behind them.

“Hey, Dad,” we both said at the same time, and that started us laughing again.

Scott stared at me with wide eyes, clearly uncertain what to make of this sign of life in me. “Ricardo invited us for dinner,” Scott said to us in an absentminded tone.

“My super secret recipe for lasagna. Handed down for generations,” Ricardo said gravely.

Diego snorted. “I don’t think Dolmio's actually been around that long. ”

The house was crowded. Charlie Nguyen was there, too, with his family; his wife, Astrid, whom I knew vaguely from my last summer in Cedar Cove, and his two children from his first marriage. Michelle was a college freshman like me, but a year older; and she took after her mom in the looks department. This was most assuredly, a good thing. She was beautiful in an exotic way, perfectly peachy skin, glistening long blonde hair, eyelashes like feather dusters; and preoccupied. She was on Ricardo’s phone when we got in, and she never let it go. Miles was fifteen; and took after their dad. He had short black hair and glasses, his tanned skin making him an as different to his sister as he could be. They both had their father's hazel eyes though. Miles hung on Diego’s every word, with idolizing eyes.

There were too many of us for the kitchen table, so Scott and Charlie brought chairs out to the yard, and we ate lasagna off plates on our laps in the dim light from Ricardo’s open door. The men talked about the game, and Charlie and Scott made fishing plans. Astrid teased her husband about his cholesterol and tried, unsuccessfully, to shame him into eating something green and leafy. Diego talked mostly to me and Miles, who interrupted eagerly whenever Diego seemed in danger of forgetting him. Scott watched me, trying to be inconspicuous about it, with pleased but cautious eyes.

It was loud and sometimes confusing as everyone talked over everyone else, and the laughter from one joke interrupted the telling of another. I didn’t have to speak often, but I smiled a lot, and only because I felt like it.

I didn’t want to leave.

This was Cedar Cove, though, and the inevitable rain eventually broke up the party; Ricardo’s living room was much too small to provide an option for continuing the get-together. Charlie had driven Scott down, so we rode together in my truck on the way back home. He asked about my day, and I told mostly the truth; that I’d gone with Diego to look at parts and then watched him work in his garage.

“You think you’ll visit again anytime soon?” he wondered, trying to be casual about it.

“Tomorrow after college,” I admitted. “I’ll take coursework, don’t worry. ”

“You be sure to do that,” he ordered, trying to disguise his satisfaction.

I was nervous when we got to the house. I didn’t want to go upstairs. The warmth of Diego’s presence was fading and, in its absence, the anxiety grew stronger. I was sure I wouldn’t get away with two peaceful nights of sleep in a row.

To put bedtime off, I checked my email; there was a new message from Julia; but a conspicuous lack of emails from Jordan. I wondered how long it had been since he sent me anything. I opened Julia's message, and made a note to search after for Jordan's last message.

She wrote about her day, a new book club that filled the time slot of the meditation classes she’d just quit, her week subbing in the second grade, missing her kindergarteners. She wrote that Phil was enjoying his new coaching job, and that they were planning a second honeymoon trip to Disney World.

And I noticed that the whole thing read like a journal entry, rather than a letter to someone else. Remorse flooded through me, leaving an uncomfortable sting behind. Some son I was.

I wrote back to her quickly, commenting on each part of her letter, volunteering information of my own; describing the spaghetti party at Ricardo’s and how I felt watching Diego build useful things out of small pieces of metal, awed and slightly envious. I made no reference to the change this letter would be from the ones she’d received in the last few weeks. I could barely remember what I’d written to her even as recently as two days ago, but I was sure it wasn’t very responsive. The more I thought about it, the more guilty I felt; I really must have worried her.

I then went on a hunt through my emails, searching for my brother's last message and biting my lip guiltily, when I did eventually find it. It was from almost six weeks ago; and it left no doubt in my mind that my brother was well and truly pissed at me. The only problem was, I didn't know why. His message was frustratingly vague, calling me several names which I was kind of surprised he even knew how to spell. I chewed my lip; torn as to how to proceed. I could message him back; apologise and say that I just needed time, or I could wait and hope the memory came to me. 

I was already dreading the rest of my night; and I wasn't afraid to admit to my cowardice as I closed my emails and instead pulled up some documents I had saved with some of my coursework notes. I swore to myself I would figure out what had gone on between myself and my brother; and I would rectify it... but I couldn't do that with the pain potentially hovering just outside of my perception.

I stayed up extra late after that, finishing more coursework than strictly necessary. But neither sleep deprivation nor the time spent with Diego; being almost happy in a shallow kind of way, could keep the dream away for two nights in a row.

I woke shuddering, my scream muffled by my pillow.

As the dim morning light filtered through the fog outside my window, I lay still in bed and tried to shake off the dream. There had been a small difference last night, and I concentrated on that.

Last night I had not been alone in the woods. Sean Gayle; the man who had pulled me from the forest floor that night I couldn’t bear to think of consciously, was there. It was an odd, unexpected alteration. The man’s dark eyes had been surprisingly unfriendly, filled with some secret he didn’t seem inclined to share. I’d stared at him as often as my frantic searching had allowed; it made me uncomfortable, under all the usual panic, to have him there. Maybe that was because, when I didn’t look directly at him, his shape seemed to shiver and change in my peripheral vision. Yet he did nothing but stand and watch. Unlike the time when we had met in reality, he did not offer me his help.

Scott stared at me during breakfast, and I tried to ignore him. I supposed I deserved it. I couldn’t expect him not to worry. It would probably be weeks before he stopped watching for the return of the zombie, and I would just have to try to not let it bother me. After all, I would be watching for the return of the zombie, too. Two days was hardly long enough to call me cured.

College was the opposite. Now that I was paying attention, it was clear that no one was watching here.

I remembered the first day I’d come to Berry College; how desperately I’d wished that I could turn gray, fade into the wet concrete of the sidewalk like an oversized chameleon. It seemed I was getting that wish answered.

It was like I wasn’t there. Even my teachers’ eyes slid past my seat as if it were empty.

I listened all through the morning, hearing once again the voices of the people around me. I tried to catch up on what was going on, but the conversations were so disjointed that I gave up.

Zoe didn’t look up when I sat down next to her in Programming.

“Hey, Zoe,” I said with put-on nonchalance. “How was the rest of your weekend?”

She looked at me with suspicious eyes. Could she still be angry? Or was she just too impatient to deal with a crazy person?

“Super,” she said, turning back to her book.

“That’s good,” I mumbled.

The figure of speech ‘cold shoulder’ seemed to have some literal truth to it. I could feel the warm air blowing from the floor vents, but I was still too cold. I took the jacket off the back of my chair and put it on again.

My fourth hour class got out late, and the lunch table I always sat at was full by the time I arrived. Caleb was there, Zoe and Cameron, Conner, Brian, Max and Kara. Stacy Green, the brunette that had recently transferred in who lived around the corner from me, was sitting with Myra, and Emma Hawkins; the girl with the motorcycles; was next to her. I wondered how long they’d been sitting here, unable to remember if this was the first day or something that was a regular habit.

I was beginning to get annoyed with myself. I might as well have been packed in Styrofoam peanuts through the last semester.

No one looked up when I sat down next to Caleb, even though the chair squealed stridently against the linoleum as I dragged it back.

I tried to catch up with the conversation.

Caleb and Conner were talking sports, so I gave up on that one at once.

“Where’s Aiden today?” Kara was asking Cameron. I perked up, interested. I wondered if that meant Cameron and Aiden were still together.

I barely recognized Kara. She’d cut off all her long, black hair; now she had a pixie cut so short that the back was shaved like a boy. What an odd thing for her to do. I wished I knew the reason behind it. Did she get gum stuck in it? Did she sell it? Had all the people she was habitually nasty to caught her behind the gym and scalped her? I decided it wasn’t fair for me to judge her now by my former opinion. For all I knew, she’d turned into a nice person.

“Aiden’s got the stomach flu,” Cameron said in their quiet, calm voice. “Hopefully it’s just some twenty-four hour thing. He was really sick last night.”

“What did you two do this weekend?” Zoe asked, not sounding as if she cared about the answer. I’d bet that this was just an opener so she could tell her own stories. I wondered if she would talk about Port Royale with me sitting two seats away? Was I that invisible, that no one would feel uncomfortable discussing me while I was here?

“We were going to have a picnic Saturday, actually, but; we changed our minds,” Cameron said. There was an edge to their voice that caught my interest.

Zoe, not so much. “That’s too bad,” she said, about to launch into her story. But I wasn’t the only one who was paying attention.

“What happened?” Kara asked curiously.

“Well,” Cameron said, seeming more hesitant than usual, though they were always reserved, “we drove up north, almost to the hot springs, there’s a good spot just about a mile up the trail. But, when we were halfway there; we saw something. ”

“Saw something? What?” Kara’s pale eyebrows pulled together. Even Zoe seemed to be listening now.

“I don’t know,” Cameron said. “We think it was a bear. It was black, anyway, but it seemed… too big. ”

Kara snorted. “Oh, not you, too!” Her eyes turned mocking, and I decided I didn’t need to give her the benefit of the doubt. Obviously her personality had not changed as much as her hair. “Brian tried to sell me that one last week. ”

“You’re not going to see any bears that close to the resort,” Zoe said, siding with Kara.

“Really,” Cameron protested in a low voice, looking down at the table. “We _did_ see it. ”

Kara snickered. Caleb was still talking to Conner, not paying attention to the girls.

“No, they’re right,” I threw in impatiently. “We had a hiker in just Saturday who saw the bear, too, Cameron. He said it was huge and black and just outside of town, didn’t he, Caleb?”

There was a moment of silence. Every pair of eyes at the table turned to stare at me in shock. The new girl, Stacy, had her mouth hanging open like she’d just witnessed an explosion. Nobody moved.

“Caleb?” I muttered, mortified. “Remember the guy with the bear story?”

“S-sure,” Caleb stuttered after a second. I didn’t know why he was looking at me so strangely. I talked to him at work, didn’t I? Did I? I thought so?

Caleb recovered. “Yeah, there was a guy who said he saw a huge black bear right at the trail head; bigger than a grizzly,” he confirmed.

“Hmph. ” Kara turned to Zoe, her shoulders stiff, and changed the subject.

“Did you hear back from USC?” she asked.

Everyone else looked away, too, except for Caleb and Cameron. Cameron smiled at me tentatively, and I hurried to return the smile.

“So, what did you do this weekend, Taylor?” Caleb asked, curious, but oddly wary.

Everyone but Kara looked back, waiting for my response.

“Friday night, Zoe and I went to a movie in Port Royale. And then I spent Saturday afternoon and most of Sunday down at Hartfeld. ”

The eyes flickered to Zoe and back to me. Zoe looked irritated. I wondered if she didn’t want anyone to know she’d gone out with me, or whether she just wanted to be the one to tell the story.

“What movie did you see?” Caleb asked, starting to smile.

“Dead End; the one with the zombies. ” I grinned in encouragement. Maybe some of the damage I’d done in these past zombie weeks was reparable.

“I heard that was scary. Did you think so?” Caleb was eager to continue the conversation.

“Taylor had to leave at the end, he was so freaked,” Zoe inserted with a sly smile.

I nodded, not needing to try to look abashed. “It was fucking insane. Zoe was way braver than me.” So far as the movie was concerned, at least.

Caleb didn’t stop asking me questions till lunch was over. Gradually, the others were able to start up their own conversations again, though they still looked at me a lot. Cameron talked mostly to Caleb and me, and, when I got up to dump my tray, they followed.

“Thanks,” they said in a low voice when we were away from the table.

“For what?”

“Speaking up, sticking up for me. ”

“No problem. ”

They looked at me with concern, but not the offensive, maybe-he’s-lost-it kind. “Are you okay?”

This is why I’d picked Zoe over Cameron, though I’d always liked Cameron more, for the movie night. Cameron was too perceptive.

“Not completely,” I admitted. “But I’m a little bit better. ”

“I’m glad,” they said. “I’ve missed you.”

Kara and Zoe strolled by us then, and I heard Kara whisper loudly, “Oh, joy Taylor’s back.”

Cameron rolled their eyes at them, and smiled at me in encouragement.

I sighed It was like I was starting all over again.

“Hmm. ”

“What is it?” Cameron asked.

“I was just thinking about my first day here,” I mused.

“Nothing’s changed much,” Cameron muttered, looking after Kara and Zoe.

“I know," I agreed easily. "I was just thinking the same thing. ”


	7. Ready, Set. Cheat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey folks!
> 
> Here's your daily dose of Twilight Jaylor, and I'm so psyched when each one comes up.
> 
> It's a step closer to the reunion!! Hahaha, but yeah, a lot of angst first and stuff for getting to it.
> 
> For those who can take angst better than I do, enjoy!
> 
> x Our love to you all x  
> ✲ﾟ｡.(✿╹◡╹)ﾉ♡.｡₀:*ﾟ✲ﾟ

**Ready, Set, Cheat**

I wasn’t sure what the hell I was doing here. Was I trying to push myself back into the zombie stupor? Had I turned masochistic? Developed a taste for torture? I should have gone straight down to Hartfeld. I felt much, much healthier around Diego. So, again; why was I here, when I could be with safe, reliable, best friend Diego right now?

This was not a healthy thing to do.

But regardless of knowing this; I continued to drive slowly down the overgrown lane, twisting through the trees that arched over me like a green, living tunnel. My hands were shaking, so I tightened my grip on the steering wheel.

I knew that part of the reason I did this was the nightmare, now that I was really awake, the nothingness of the dream gnawed on my nerves, a dog worrying a bone.

There was something to search for. Unattainable and impossible, uncaring and distracted; but he was out there, somewhere. I had to believe that.

The other part was the strange sense of repetition I’d felt at college today, the coincidence of the date. The feeling that I was starting over; perhaps the way my first day would have gone... if I’d really been the most unusual person in the cafeteria that afternoon.

The words ran through my head, tonelessly, like I was reading them rather than hearing them spoken:

 _It’ll be as if I never existed_.

I was lying to myself by splitting my reason for coming here into just two parts. I didn’t want to admit the strongest motivation. Because it was mentally unsound.

The truth was that I wanted to hear his voice again, like I had in the strange delusion Friday night. For that brief moment, when his voice came from some other part of me than my conscious memory, when his voice was perfect, rough velvet rather than the pale echo my memories usually produced, I was able to remember without pain. It hadn’t lasted; the pain had caught up with me, as I was sure it would for this fool’s errand. But those precious moments when I could hear him again were an irresistible lure. I had to find some way to repeat the experience; or maybe the better word was episode.

I was hoping that deja vu was the key. So I was going to his home, a place I hadn’t been since my ill-fated birthday party, so many weeks ago.

The thick, almost jungle-like growth crawled slowly past my windows. The drive wound on and on. I started to go faster, getting edgy. How long had I been driving? Shouldn’t I have reached the house yet? The lane wasn’t so overgrown that it did not look familiar.

What if I couldn’t find it? I shivered. What if there was no tangible proof at all?

Then there was the break in the trees that I was looking for, only it was not so pronounced as before. The flora here did not wait long to reclaim any land that was left unguarded. The tall ferns had infiltrated the meadow around the house, crowding against the trunks of the cedars, even the wide porch. It was like the lawn had been flooded; waist-high, with green, feathery waves.

And the house was there, but it was not the same. Though nothing had changed on the outside, the emptiness screamed from the blank windows. It was creepy. For the first time since I’d seen the beautiful house, it looked like a fitting haunt for vampires.

I hit the brakes, looking away. I was afraid to go farther.

But nothing happened. No voice in my head.

So I left the engine running and jumped out into the fern sea. Maybe, like Friday night, if I walked forward.

I approached the barren, vacant face slowly, my truck rumbling out a comforting roar behind me. I stopped when I got to the porch stairs, because there was nothing here. No lingering sense of their presence; of his presence. The house was solidly here, but it meant little. Its concrete reality would not counteract the nothingness of the nightmares.

I didn’t go any closer. I didn’t want to look in the windows; didn't dare catch a glimpse of his guitar, or room... if they were even still there. I wasn’t sure which would be harder to see. If the rooms were bare, echoing empty from floor to ceiling, that would certainly hurt. Like my grandfather’s funeral, when my mother had insisted that my brother and I stay outside during the viewing. She had said that Jordan and I didn’t need to see Pop that way, to remember him that way, rather than alive.

But wouldn’t it be worse if there were no change? If the couches sat just as I’d last seen them, the paintings on the walls; worse still, the piano on its low platform? The guitar on its stand? It would be second only to the house disappearing altogether, to see that there was no physical possession that tied them in anyway. That everything remained, untouched and forgotten, behind them.

Just like me.

I turned my back on the gaping emptiness and hurried to my truck. I nearly ran. I was anxious to be gone, to get back to the human world. I felt hideously empty, and I wanted to see Diego. Maybe I was developing a new kind of sickness, another addiction, like the numbness before. I didn’t care. I pushed my truck as fast as it would go as I barreled toward my fix.

Diego was waiting for me. My chest seemed to relax as soon as I saw him, making it easier to breathe.

“Hey, Taylor,” he called.

I smiled in relief. “Hey, Diego,” I waved at Ricardo, who was looking out the window.

“Let’s get to work,” Diego said in a low but eager voice.

I was somehow able to laugh. “You seriously aren’t sick of me yet?” I wondered. He must be starting to ask himself how desperate I was for company.

Diego led the way around the house to his garage. "Fifty, fifty dude... did you bring the cheese sticks?"

"Yeah..."

“Then nope. Not yet.”

I shoved him playfully, ignoring his self applause as we mockingly tussled for a brief moment. As we rounded the side of the garage, I turned slightly more serious, my fears catching up to me again. “But... dude, let me know when I start getting on your nerves. I don’t want to be a pain.”

“Sure thing, Taylor.” He laughed, a throaty sound. “I wouldn’t hold your breath for that, though.”

When I walked into the garage, I was shocked to see the red bike standing up, looking like a motorcycle rather than a pile of jagged metal.

“Dude, you’re amazing,” I breathed.

"I know, I know..." He laughed again. “I get obsessive when I have a project.” He shrugged. “If I had any brains I’d drag it out a little bit.”

“Why?”

“Considering our track history of being best friends, there’s some pretty huge holes in the time we’ve spent together dude.” He laughed quietly, before he looked down, pausing for so long that I wondered if he hadn’t heard my question. Finally, he asked me, “Taylor, if I told you that I couldn’t fix these bikes, what would you say?”

I didn’t answer right away, either, and he glanced up to check my expression.

“I would say... that’s too bad, man. But I’ll bet we could figure out something else to do. If we got really desperate, we could even do coursework.”

Diego smiled, and his shoulders relaxed. He sat down next to the bike and picked up a wrench. “So you think you’ll still come over when I’m done, then?”

“Is that what you meant?” I shook my head. “I guess I am taking advantage of your very underpriced mechanical skills. But as long as you let me come over, I’ll be here.”

“Hoping to see Tom again?” he teased.

“Damn, you caught me. ”

He chuckled. “You really like spending time here?” he asked, shaking his head in surprise. "We don't have any cool stuff to do around here…"

“I don't need all that 'stuff' dude. Best friends for life, right?" I smirked, offering my fist and laughing when he bumped his own against it with a grin. "I'm sorry for being kinda shit on that front, Diego… but I’ll prove it. I have to work tomorrow, but Wednesday we’ll do something non-mechanical.”

“Like what?”

“I have no idea. We can go to my place so you won’t be tempted to be obsessive. You could bring your college work; you have to be getting behind, because I know I am. Oh, and you can bring that thingy you told me about...”

"My good looks?"

"No."

"My manly charms?"

"No."

"My awesome powers of being able to make all your food, magically disappear?"

"No... but I will feed you." I laughed, still surprised my body even remembered how to. "Just stop, please," I snickered, raising my palm to cut off whatever other idiocy Diego came up with next. "I meant your dvd thingy, the series you said you got." I said. I didn't like to watch TV anymore, but I figured I could make an exception for my best friend.

"Oh, that... sweet; I've been meaning to watch it awhile now." He chuckled. “Coursework might be a good idea, too." He made a face, and I wondered how much he was leaving undone to be with me. "You're getting kinda behind..."

“Uh, yeah,” I agreed, doing my best to hide my surprise. I guess Diego was aware of my slip awhile back. At least it was good he wasn't also slipping. “I’ll have to start being responsible occasionally, or Ricardo and Scott aren’t going to be so easy going about this.” I made a gesture indicating the two of us as a single entity; which made him snort and roll his eyes.

“Coursework once a week?” he proposed. "I'll say I'm tutoring you."

"I'm not that bad!" I protested, though Diego only smirked and raised a brow. “... maybe we’d better go with twice a week,” I suggested, thinking of the pile I’d just been assigned today.

He laughed and shook his head, but let the topic drop. Then he reached over his toolbox to a paper grocery sack. He pulled out two cans of beer, cracking one open and handing it to me. He opened the second, and held it up ceremoniously.

“Here’s to responsibility,” he toasted. “Twice a week. ”

“And recklessness every day in between,” I emphasized eagerly.

He grinned and touched his can to mine.

I got home later than I’d planned and found Scott had ordered a pizza rather than wait for me. He wouldn’t let me apologize.

“I don’t mind,” he assured me. “You deserve a break from all the cooking, anyway. ”

I knew he was just relieved that I was still acting like a normal person, and he was not about to rock the boat.

I checked my email before I started on my coursework, and there was a long one from Julia. She gushed over every detail I’d provided her with, so I sent back another exhaustive description of my day. Everything but the motorcycles. Even happy-go-lucky Julia was likely to be alarmed by that.

There was still a distinct silence from Jordan however, which made me worry again that something had happened; but that I'd blocked it out.

Asking Scott was out; he was just beginning to think I might be getting better. I didn't want to let on that I would never get better, or bring up my previous behaviour.

Asking Julia was also out; besides, from her own emails I could deduce that she either didn't know herself that my brother and I weren't speaking, or that he'd told her not to mention him.

Asking Jordan himself... was tricky. It meant admitting I didn't know what happened. It meant potentially admitting I was wrong, without knowing if it were true; which is something no sibling should ever, in good conscience, do.

Which left me with just; one, alternative.

I emailed his boyfriend.

I wasn't sure how to start though. I couldn't shorten his name as familiarity or friendliness might demand, for fear of opening the yawning chasm of a hole in my chest. But I didn't want to write his full name and seem like an entitled prick, when I was asking for help... as well as the first option combined.

I debated for a full fifteen minutes; before deciding to skip his name altogether.

 _Hey,_ I wrote.

 _I need to know what happened_. It was clear something had, and that it had been bad; or else Jordan would just keep hassling me for an apology. _If I'm in the wrong, I'll make it up to him... I just, I can't talk to him until I know._

_Taylor._

I sighed and hoped that would be enough for my brother's boyfriend. As soon as the message was sent I flopped onto my bed face first and tried not to wonder if I'd ever get a reply.

College on Tuesday had its ups and downs. Cameron and Caleb seemed ready to welcome me back with open arms; to kindly overlook my few months of aberrant behavior. Zoe was more resistant. I wondered if she needed a formal written apology for the Port Royale incident.

Caleb was animated and chatty at work. It was like he’d stored up the weeks worth of talk, and it was all spilling out now. I found that I was able to smile and laugh with him, though it wasn’t as effortless as it was with Diego. It seemed harmless enough, until quitting time.

Caleb put the closed sign in the window while I folded my vest and shoved it under the counter.

“This was fun tonight,” Caleb said happily.

“Yeah,” I agreed, though I’d much rather have spent the afternoon in the garage. Maybe my inner mechanic was beginning to rear its head. I could actually name three parts of my bike now.

“It’s too bad that you had to leave the movie early last week.”

"Uh," I was a little confused by his train of thought. I shrugged. “I’m just a wimp, I guess.”

“What I mean is, you should go to a better movie, something you’d enjoy,” he explained.

“Oh,” I muttered, still confused.

“Like maybe this Friday. With me. We could go see something that isn’t scary at all.”

I bit my lip.

I didn’t want to screw things up with Caleb, not when he was one of the only people ready to forgive me for being crazy. But this, again, felt far too familiar. Like the last semester had never happened. I wished I had someone to tell him all my evenings would be taken for the foreseeable future again.

But apparently the foreseeable future was no more than a few weeks; just long enough to lose my ridiculous leg cast.

“Like a date?” I asked. Honesty was probably the best policy at this point. Get it over with.

He processed the tone of my voice “If you want. But it doesn’t have to be like that.”

“I don’t date,” I said slowly, realizing how true that was. That whole world seemed impossibly distant.

“Just as friends?” he suggested. His eyes were not as eager now. I hoped he really meant that we could be friends anyway.

“That would be fun. But I actually have plans already this Friday, so maybe next week?”

“What are you doing?” he asked, less casually than I think he wanted to sound.

“Coursework. I have a... study session planned with a friend.”

“Oh. Okay. Maybe next week. ”

He walked me to my car, less exuberant than before. It reminded me so clearly of my first weeks in Cedar Cove. I’d come full circle; so quickly, and now everything felt like an echo; an empty echo, devoid of the interest it used to have.

The next night, Scott didn’t seem the smallest bit surprised to find Diego and me sprawled across the living room floor with my books scattered around us, so I guessed that he and Ricardo were talking behind our backs.

“Howdy, boys,” he said, his eyes straying to the kitchen. The smell of the lasagna I’d spent the afternoon making; while Diego watched and often sampled, wafted down the hall; I was being good, trying to atone for all the pizza.

Diego stayed for dinner, and took a plate home for Ricardo. He grudgingly added another year to my negotiable age for being a good cook.

Friday was the garage, and Saturday, after my shift at Newton’s, was coursework again. Scott felt secure enough in my sanity to spend the morning at a train display in Port Royale, and the afternoon fishing with Charlie. When he got back, Diego's 'tutoring' was all done; and I was feeling very sensible and mature about it, too. I hated that. We were now watching the first few episodes on the Season One box set of Supernatural Diego had brought over.

“I probably ought to go.” Diego sighed. “It’s later than I thought. ”

“Okay, fine,” I grumbled. “I’ll take you home. ”

He laughed at my unwilling expression; it seemed to please him.

“Tomorrow, back to work,” I said as soon as we were safe in the truck. “What time do you want me to come up?”

There was an unexplained excitement in his answering smile. “I’ll call you first, okay?”

“Sure.” I frowned to myself, wondering what was up. His smile widened.

I cleaned the house the next morning; waiting for Diego to call and trying to shake off the latest nightmare. The scenery had changed. Last night I’d wandered in a wide sea of ferns interspersed with huge hemlock trees. There was nothing else there, and I was lost, wandering aimless and alone, searching for nothing. I wanted to kick myself for the stupid field trip last week. I shoved the dream out of my conscious mind, hoping it would stay locked up somewhere and not escape again.

Scott was outside washing the cruiser, so when the phone rang, I dropped the toilet brush and ran downstairs to answer it.

“Hello?” I asked breathlessly.

“Taylor,” Diego said, a strange, formal tone to his voice.

“Hey, Diego... ”

“I believe that... we have a date” he said, his tone thick with implications.

It took me a second before I got it. “They’re done? I can’t believe it!” What perfect timing. I needed something to distract me from nightmares and nothingness.

“Yep, they run and everything."

“Diego, you are absolutely, without a doubt, the most talented and wonderful person I know." Human, "You get ten years for this one. ”

“Hell yeah, baby! I’m middle-aged now. ”

I laughed. “I’m on my way up!”

I threw the cleaning supplies under the bathroom counter and grabbed my jacket.

“Headed to see Diego,” Scott said when I ran past him. It wasn’t really a question.

“Yep,” I replied as I jumped in my truck.

“I’ll be at the station later,” Scott called after me.

“Okay,” I yelled back, turning the key.

Scott said something else, but I couldn’t hear him clearly over the beautiful roar of my engine. It sounded sort of like, “Where’s the fire?”

I parked my truck off to the side of the Blacks’ house, close to the trees, to make it easier for us to sneak the bikes out. When I got out, a splash of color caught my eye; two shiny motorcycles, one red, one black, were hidden under a spruce, invisible from the house. Diego was prepared.

There was a piece of red ribbon tied in a small bow around each of the handlebars. I was laughing at that when Diego ran out of the house.

“Ready?” he asked in a low voice, his eyes sparkling.

I glanced over his shoulder, and there was no sign of Ricardo.

“Yeah,” I said, but I didn’t feel quite as excited as before; I was trying to imagine myself actually on the motorcycle.

Diego loaded the bikes into the bed of the truck with ease, laying them carefully on their sides so they didn’t show.

“Let’s go,” he said, his voice higher than usual with excitement. “I know the perfect spot; no one will catch us there.” He said, as if we were naughty school boys.

We drove south out of town. The dirt road wove in and out of the forest, sometimes there was nothing but trees, and then there would suddenly be a breathtaking glimpse of the ocean, reaching to the horizon, dark gray under the clouds. We were above the shore, on top of the cliffs that bordered the beach here and the view seemed to stretch on forever.

I was driving slowly, so that I could safely stare out across the ocean now and then, as the road wound closer to the sea cliffs. Diego was talking about finishing the bikes, but his descriptions were getting technical, so my attention may have started to drift.

That was when I noticed four figures standing on a rocky ledge, much too close to the precipice. I couldn’t tell from the distance how old they were, but I assumed they were men. Despite the chill in the air today, they seemed to be wearing only shorts.

As I watched, the tallest person stepped closer to the brink. I slowed automatically, my foot hesitating over the brake pedal.

And then he threw himself off the edge.

“No!” I shouted, stomping down on the brake.

“What’s wrong?” Diego shouted back, alarmed.

“That guy… he just jumped off the cliff! Why didn’t they stop him? We’ve got to call an ambulance!” I threw open my door and started to get out, which made no sense at all.

My phone was in my pocket, not out on the road; but I couldn’t believe what I’d just seen. Maybe, subconsciously, I hoped I would see something different without the glass of the windshield in the way.

Diego laughed, and I spun to stare at him wildly. How could he be so calloused, so cold-blooded?

“They’re just cliff diving, Taylor. Recreation. Hartfeld doesn’t have a mall, you know. ” He was teasing, but there was a strange note of irritation in his voice.

“Cliff diving?” I repeated, dazed. I stared in disbelief as a second figure stepped to the edge, paused, and then very gracefully leaped into space. He fell for what seemed like an eternity to me, finally cutting smoothly into the dark gray waves below.

“Wow. It’s so high...” I slid back into my seat, still staring wide-eyed at the two remaining divers. “It must be a hundred feet!”

“Well, yeah, most of us jump from lower down, that rock that juts out from the cliff about halfway.” He pointed out his window. The place he indicated did seem much more reasonable. “Those guys are insane. Probably showing off how tough they are. I mean, really, it’s freezing today. That water can’t feel good.” He made a disgruntled face, as if the stunt personally offended him. It surprised me a little. I would have thought Diego was nearly impossible to upset.

“You jump off the cliff?” I hadn’t missed the 'us.'

“Sure, sure.” He shrugged and grinned. “It’s fun. A rush... in a terrifying kinda way."

I looked back at the cliffs, where the third figure was pacing the edge. I’d never witnessed anything so reckless in all my life. My eyes widened, and I smiled. “Dude, you have to take me cliff diving.”

He frowned back at me, his face disapproving. “Taylor, you just wanted to call an ambulance for Sean,” he reminded me. I was surprised that he could tell who it was from this distance.

“I want to try,” I insisted, starting to get out of the car again.

Diego grabbed my wrist. “Not today, all right? Can we at least wait for a warmer day?”

“Okay, fine,” I agreed. With the door open, the glacial breeze was raising goose bumps on my arm. “But I want to go soon.”

“Soon.” He rolled his eyes. “Sometimes you’re a total weirdo, Taylor. Do you know that?”

I sighed. “Yes. ”

“And we’re not jumping off the top.”

I watched, fascinated, as the third boy made a running start and flung himself farther into the empty air than the other two. He twisted and cartwheeled through space as he fell, like he was skydiving. He looked absolutely free; unthinking and utterly irresponsible.

“Fine,” I agreed. “Not the first time, anyway. ”

Now Diego sighed.

“Are we going to try out the bikes or not?” he demanded.

“Okay, okay,” I said, tearing my eyes away from the last person waiting on the cliff. I put my seat belt back on and closed the door. The engine was still running, roaring as it idled. We started down the road again.

“So, who were those guys… the crazy ones?” I wondered.

He made a disgusted sound in the back of his throat. “The Hartfeld gang.”

“You have a gang?” I asked. I realized that I sounded impressed.

He laughed once at my reaction. “Not like that. I swear, they’re like hall monitors gone bad. They don’t start fights, they keep the peace.” He snorted. “There was this guy from up somewhere by the Balrog rez, big guy too, scary-looking. Well, word got around that he was selling meth to kids, and Sean Gayle and his disciples ran him off our land. They’re all about our land, and tribe pride; it’s getting beyond ridiculous. The worst part is that the council takes them seriously. Julian said that the council actually meets with Sean.” He shook his head, face full of resentment. “Julian also heard from Michelle Nguyen that they call themselves ‘protectors’ or something like that.”

Diego’s hands were clenched into fists, as if he’d like to hit something. I’d never seen this side of him. Diego Soto was not a violent person.

I was surprised to hear Sean Gayle’s name. I didn’t want it to bring back the images from my nightmare, so I made a quick observation to distract myself. “You don’t like them very much.”

“Does it show?” he asked sarcastically.

“Well... It doesn’t sound like they’re doing anything bad.” I tried to soothe him, to make him cheerful again. “Just sort of annoyingly goody-two-shoes for a gang.” Truthfully I was a little worried. If Diego Soto had a bad opinion of you, it was pretty likely you weren't a very good person.

“Yeah. Annoying is a good word. They’re always showing off; like the cliff thing. They act like... like, I don’t know. Like tough guys. I was hanging out at the store with Julian and Tom once, last semester, and Sean came by with his followers, Kyle and Andy. Tom said something, you know how he’s got a big mouth, and it pissed Andy off. His eyes got all dark, and he sort of smiled; no, he showed his teeth but he didn’t smile… and it was like he was so mad he was shaking or something. But Sean put his hand against Andy’s chest and shook his head. Andy looked at him for a minute and calmed down. Honestly, it was like Sean was holding him back; like Andy was going to tear us up if Sean didn’t stop him.” He groaned. “Like a bad western. You know, Sean’s a pretty big guy, for twenty. But Andy’s just nineteen, shorter than me and not as beefy as Tom. I think any one of us could take him.”

“Tough guys,” I agreed. I could see it in my head as he described it, and it reminded me of something; a trio of tall, dark men standing very still and close together in my father’s living room. The picture was sideways, because my head was lying against the couch while Dr. Browning and Scott leaned over me. Had that been Sean’s gang?

I spoke quickly again to divert myself from the bleak memories. “Isn’t Sean a little too old for this kind of thing?”

“Hi pot, my name's kettle." Diego laughed, as I scowled and aimed a blind jab at him. "But, I know what you mean... He was supposed to go to college, but he stayed. And no one gave him any crap about it, either. The whole council pitched a fit when my sister turned down a partial scholarship and got married. But, oh no, Sean Gayle can do no wrong."

His face was set in unfamiliar lines of outrage… outrage and something else I didn’t recognize at first.

“It all sounds really annoying and; strange. But I don’t get why you’re taking it so personally.” I peeked over at his face, hoping I hadn’t offended him. He was suddenly calm, staring out the side window.

“You just missed the turn,” he said in an even voice.

I executed a very wide U-turn, nearly hitting a tree as my circle ran the truck halfway off the road.

“Thanks for the heads-up,” I muttered as I started up the side road.

“Sorry, I wasn’t paying attention. ”

It was quiet for a brief minute.

“You can stop anywhere along here,” he said softly.

I pulled over and cut the engine. My ears rang in the silence that followed. We both got out, and Diego headed around to the back to get the bikes. I tried to read his expression. Something more was bothering him. I’d hit a nerve.

He smiled half-heartedly as he pushed the red bike to my side. “Happy late birthday. Are you ready for this?”

“I think so.” The bike suddenly looked intimidating, frightening, as I realized I would soon be astride it.

“We’ll take it slow,” he promised. I gingerly leaned the motorcycle against the truck’s fender while he went to get his.

“Diego?” I hesitated as he came back around the truck.

“Yeah?”

“What’s really bothering you? About the Sean thing, I mean? Is there something else?” I watched his face. He grimaced, but he didn’t seem angry. He looked at the dirt and kicked his shoe against the front tire of his bike again and again, like he was keeping time.

He sighed. “It’s just; the way they treat me. It creeps me out.” The words started to rush out now. “You know, the council is supposed to be made up of equals, but if there was a leader, it would be my dad. I’ve never been able to figure out why people treat him the way they do. Why his opinion counts the most. It’s got something to do with his father and his father’s father. My great-grandpa, Ortiz Soto, was sort of the last chief we had, and they still listen to Ricardo, maybe because of that." Diego sighed, stuffing his hands in his pockets as he stared mulishly at the ground. “But I’m just like everyone else. Nobody treats me special... until now.”

That caught me off guard. “Sean treats you special?”

“Yeah,” he agreed, looking up at me with troubled eyes. “He looks at me like he’s waiting for something... like I’m going to join his stupid gang someday. He pays more attention to me than any of the other guys. I hate it.”

“You don’t have to join anything.” My voice was angry. This was really upsetting Diego, and that infuriated me. Who did these dumbass “protectors” think they were?

“Yeah.” His foot kept up its rhythm against the tire.

“What?” I could tell there was more.

He frowned, his eyebrows pulling up in a way that looked sad and worried rather than angry. “It’s Julian. He’s been avoiding me lately.”

The thoughts didn’t seem connected, but I wondered if I was to blame for the problems with his friend. “You’ve been hanging out with me a lot,” I reminded him, feeling selfish. I’d been monopolizing him.

“No, that’s not it. It’s not just me… it’s Tom, too, and everyone. Julian missed a week of College, but he was never home when we tried to see him. And when he came back, he looked... he looked freaked out. Terrified. Tom and I both tried to get him to tell us what was wrong, but he wouldn’t talk to either one of us.”

I stared at Diego, biting my lip anxiously; he was really frightened. But he didn’t look at me. He watched his own foot kicking the rubber as if it belonged to someone else. The tempo increased.

“Then this week, out of nowhere, Julian’s hanging out with Sean and the rest of them. He was out on the cliffs today.” His voice was low and tense.

He finally looked at me. “Taylor, they bugged him even more than they bother me. He didn’t want anything to do with them. And now Julian’s following Sean around like he’s joined a cult." He said, shaking in his head in exasperation as the words began to glow from him freely. I wondered how long he'd been bottling this up.

Some friend I was.

“And that’s the way it was with Andy. Just exactly the same. He wasn’t friends with Sean at all. Then he stopped coming to College for a few weeks, and, when he came back, suddenly Sean owned him. I don’t know what it means. I can’t figure it out, and I feel like I have to, because Julian’s my friend and; Sean’s looking at me funny . . and-” He trailed off.

“Have you talked to Ricardo about this?” I asked. His horror was spreading to me. I had chills running on the back of my neck.

Now there was anger on his face. “Yes,” he snorted. “That was helpful. ”

“What did he say?”

Diego’s expression was sarcastic, and when he spoke, his voice mocked the deep tones of his father’s voice. “It’s nothing you need to worry about now, Diego. In a few years, if you don’t- well, I’ll explain later. ” And then his voice was his own. “What am I supposed to get from that? Is he trying to say it’s some stupid puberty, coming-of-age thing? This is something else. Something wrong.”

He was biting his lower lip and clenching his hands. He looked like he was about to cry.

I threw my arms around him instinctively, wrapping them around his waist and pressing my face against his chest. He was so big, I felt like I was a child hugging a grown-up.

“C'mon, dude, it’ll be okay!” I promised. “If it gets worse you can come live with me and Scott. Don’t be scared, we’ll think of something!”

He was frozen for a second, and then his long arms wrapped around me in return. “Thanks, Taylor.” His voice was thicker than usual, his desperate gratitude clear.

We stood like that for a moment, and it didn’t upset me; in fact, I felt comforted by the contact. This didn’t feel anything like the last time someone had embraced me this way. This was friendship. And Diego was very warm.

It was strange for me, being this close; emotionally rather than physically, though the physical was strange for me, too, to another human being. It wasn’t my usual style. I didn’t normally relate to people so easily, on such a basic level.

Not human beings.

“... dude, this is so gay.” Diego’s voice was light, normal again, and his laughter rumbled against my ear. 

I pulled away quickly, laughing with him and feigning a playful jab at him. “It’s hard to believe I’m any older than you at all,” I complained, shaking my head as I pouted. “You make me feel like a dwarf.” Standing this close to him, I really had to crane my neck to see his face.

“You’re forgetting I’m in my forties now, of course.”

“Oh, that’s right.”

He patted my head. “You’re like a little doll,” he teased. “A little girl's, tiny porcelain doll.”

I narrowed my eyes, taking another step away. “Let’s not start with the albino cracks.” I sniffed, turning my back on him in feigned irritation.

“Seriously, Taylor, are you sure you’re not?” He stretched his tanned arm out around me to lay it next to mine. The difference wasn’t flattering. “I’ve never seen anyone paler than you; well, except for…” He broke off, and I looked away, trying to not understand what he had been about to say.

“So are we going to ride or what?"

“Let’s do it,” I agreed, more enthusiastic than I would have been half a minute ago. His unfinished sentence reminded me of why I was here.


	8. Junkie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhh, some fluff and angst and general heartwarming/breaking stuff ♡
> 
> Hope you enjoy this latest addition ♡
> 
> x Our love to you all x

**Junkie**

“Okay, dude... where’s your clutch?”

I pointed to the lever on my left handlebar. Letting go of the grip was a mistake. The heavy bike wobbled underneath me, threatening to knock me sideways. I grabbed the handle again, trying to hold it straight.

“Diego, it won’t stay up,” I complained, trying not to hear the childish whine in my voice.

“It will when you’re moving,” he promised, admirably trying not to laugh at said whine in my voice. ”Now where’s your brake?”

“Behind my right foot.”

“Wrong.”

He grabbed my right hand and curled my fingers around the lever over the throttle.

“But you said...”

“ _This_ is the brake you want. Don’t use the back brake now, that’s for later, when you actually, you know... have some idea what you’re doing.” Diego told me, trying and failing to keep a wide grin from spreading across his face. He was having way too much fun with this stupid lesson.

“That doesn’t sound right,” I said suspiciously." Aren’t both brakes kind of important?”

“ _Forget_ the back brake, okay? Here...” He wrapped his hand around mine and made me squeeze the lever down. ” _That_ is how you brake. Don’t forget.” He squeezed my hand another time.

“Fine,” I agreed sulkily.

“Throttle?”

I twisted the right grip.

“Gearshift?”

I nudged it with my left calf.

“Very good. I think you’ve got all the parts down. Now; you just have to get it moving.”

“Uh-huh,” I muttered, afraid to say more.

My stomach was contorting strangely and I thought my voice might crack. I was terrified. Which was absolutely pointless; I knew. I’d already lived through the worst thing possible. In comparison with that, why should anything frighten me now? I should be able to look death in the face and laugh.

My stomach wasn’t buying it at this precise moment though. Where was the furious monster; waiting to tear me apart, when I needed one?

I stared down the long stretch of dirt road, bordered by thick misty green on every side. The road was sandy and damp; which was better than mud, but probably still going to prove pretty lethal for me.

“I want you to hold down the clutch,” Diego instructed slowly, as if to a small child.

I wrapped my fingers around the clutch obediently.

“Now this is crucial, Taylor,” Diego stressed. ” _Don’t_ let go of that, okay? I want you to pretend that I’ve handed you a live grenade. The pin is out and you are holding down the spoon.”

I squeezed tighter.

“Good. Do you think you can kick-start it?”

“If I move my foot, I will fall over,” I told him through gritted teeth, my fingers tight around my live grenade.

“Okay, Shorty, I’ll do it.” He snickered, laughing openly when I scowled at him mutely. “Don’t let go of the clutch.”

He took a step back, and then suddenly slammed his foot down on the pedal. There was a short ripping noise, and the force of his thrust rocked the bike. I started to fall sideways, but Diego caught the bike before it knocked me to the ground.

“Steady there,” he encouraged. "Do you still have the clutch?”

“Yes,” I gasped, my heart beginning to thrum with excitement beneath my nauseating terror.

“Plant your feet...I’m going to try again.” But he put his hand on the back of the seat, too, just to be safe.

It took four more kicks before the ignition caught. I could feel the bike rumbling beneath me like an angry animal. I gripped the clutch until my fingers ached.

“Try out the throttle,” he suggested.” _Very lightly_. And don’t let go of the clutch.”

Hesitantly, I twisted the right handle. Though the movement was tiny, the bike snarled beneath me. It sounded angry and hungry now. Diego grinned in deep satisfaction. I wasn’t sure if it was because we were fulfilling the dream; or just because he was admiring his own handiwork fixing them up.

“Do you remember how to put it into first gear?” he asked.

“Yes.”

“Well, go ahead and do it.”

“Okay.”

He waited for a few seconds, his brow slowly rising as his lip twitched with amusement.

“Left foot,” he prompted slowly, as if talking to someone particularly dim witted.

“I know,” I said, taking a deep breath.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Diego finally asked, laughing at whatever expression I was wearing. "You look scared.”

“I’m fine,” I snapped. I kicked the gear shift down one notch.

“Very good,” he praised me.”Now, _very_ gently, ease up on the clutch.”

He took a step away from the bike.

“You want me to let go of the grenade?!” I asked in disbelief. No wonder he was moving back.

“That’s how you move, Taylor. Just do it little by little.” I tried not to notice that he was laughing, his huge grin spread wide across his face.

As I began to loosen my grip, I was shocked to be interrupted by a voice that did not belong to my best friend, standing next to me.

“ _This is dumb, Taylor,” The_ rough, velvet voice fumed.

“Oh!” I gasped in both delight and surprise, and my hand fell off the clutch.

The bike bucked under me, yanking me forward and then collapsing to the ground half on top of me. The growling engine choked to a stop.

“Taylor?!” Diego jerked the heavy bike off me with ease. ”Dude, are you hurt?”

But I wasn’t listening.

“ _Heh, told ya so_ ,” the perfect voice murmured, crystal clear.

“Taylor?” Diego shook my shoulder.

“I’m fine,” I mumbled, dazed.

More than fine. The voice in my head was back. It still rang in my ears... soft, gruff, velvety echoes.

My mind ran swiftly through the possibilities. There was no familiarity here; on a road I’d never seen, doing something I’d never done before... no déjà vu. So the hallucinations must be triggered by something else. I felt the adrenaline coursing through my veins again, and I thought I had the answer. Some combination of adrenaline and danger, or maybe just my own recklessness and stupidity.

Diego was pulling me to my feet. “Did you hit your head?” he asked.

“I don’t think so.” I shook it back and forth, checking. ”I didn’t hurt the bike, did I?” I asked, frowning as I looked around urgently.

This thought worried me more than I was prepared to let Diego know. I was anxious to try again; right away. Being reckless was paying off better than I’d thought. Forget cheating. Maybe I’d found a way to generate the hallucinations; that was much more important.

“No. You just stalled the engine,” Diego said, interrupting my quick speculations with a frown. "You let go of the clutch too fast.”

I nodded. "Let’s try again.”

“Are you sure?” Diego asked.

“Positive.”

“Only idiots are positive.” Diego snorted.

“Are you sure?” I asked slyly, grinning at him as I held out my fist.

“I’m positive.” Diego hesitated as I sniggered, before he sighed and rolled his eyes, his fist meeting my own in exasperation. “I can’t believe I fell for that! Urgh, you’re the worst sometimes, Taylor.” We laughed together as we righted my bike, before I swung my leg over and quickly rearranged myself into the proper position.

This time I tried to get the kick-start myself. It was complicated; I had to jump a little to slam down on the pedal with enough force, and every time I did that, the bike tried to knock me over. Diego’s hand hovered over the handlebars, ready to catch me if I needed him.

It took several good tries, and even more poor tries, before the engine finally caught and roared to life under me. Remembering to hold on to the grenade, I revved the throttle experimentally. It snarled at the slightest touch. My smile mirrored Diego’s now.

“Easy on the clutch,” he reminded me.

“ _D’ya wanna kill yaself, then? That what this is ‘bout_?” the other voice spoke again, his tone severe.

I smiled tightly; it was still working... and ignored the questions. Diego wasn’t going to let anything serious happen to me; and I wasn’t about to alert him to my hallucinations.

“ _Get ya sorry ass home to Scott,”_ the voice ordered. The sheer beauty of it amazed me. I couldn’t allow my memory to lose it, no matter the price.

“Ease off slowly,” Diego encouraged me.

“I will,” I said. It bothered me more than I’d have liked; when I realized I was answering both of them.

The voice in my head growled against the roar of the motorcycle.

Trying to focus this time, to not let the voice startle me again, I relaxed my hand by tiny degrees. Suddenly, the gear caught and wrenched me forward.

And I was flying.

There was wind that wasn’t there before, blowing my skin against my skull and flinging my hair back from my face with enough force that it felt like someone was tugging on it. I’d left my stomach back at the starting point, which helped considerably with the nausea; the adrenaline coursed through my body, tingling in my veins. The trees raced past me, blurring into a wall of green.

But this was only first gear. My foot inched toward the gearshift as I twisted for more gas.

“ _Taylor, ya bloody idiot_ !” the angry, honey-sweet voice ordered in my ear. ” _Watch what ya bloody doin’_!”

It distracted me enough from the speed to realize that the road was starting a slow curve to the left, and I was still going straight. Diego hadn’t told me how to turn.

“Brakes, brakes,” I muttered to myself, and I instinctively slammed down with my right foot, like I would in my truck.

The bike was suddenly unstable underneath me, shivering first to one side and then the other. It was dragging me toward the green wall; and I was going too fast. I tried to turn the handlebar the other direction, and the sudden shift of my weight pushed the bike toward the ground, still spinning toward the trees.

The motorcycle landed on top of me again, roaring loudly, pulling me across the wet sand until it hit something stationary. I couldn’t see. My face was smashed into the moss. I tried to lift my head, but there was something in the way.

I was dizzy and confused. It sounded like there were three things snarling; the bike over me, the voice in my head, and something else...

“Taylor!” Diego yelled, and I heard the roar of the other bike cut off.

The motorcycle no longer pinned me to the ground, and I rolled over to breathe. All the growling went silent.

“ _Wow_ ,” I murmured. I was thrilled. This had to be it, the recipe for a hallucination... adrenaline plus danger plus stupidity. Something close to that, anyway.

“Taylor!” Diego was crouching over me anxiously. ”Taylor, are you alive?!”

“I’m _excellent_!” I enthused. I flexed my arms and legs. Everything seemed to be working correctly. ”Let’s do it again.”

“I don’t think so, dude.” Diego still sounded worried. ”I think I’d better drive you to the hospital first...”

“I’m fine.”

“Um, Taylor? You’ve got a _huge_ cut on your forehead, and it’s gushing blood,” he informed me.

I clapped my hand over my head. Sure enough, it was wet and sticky. I could smell nothing but the damp moss on my face, and that held off the nausea.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry, Diego.” I pushed hard against the gash, as if I could force the blood back inside my head.

“Are... are you apologizing for bleeding?” He wondered as he wrapped a long arm around my waist and pulled me to my feet. ”Let’s go. I’ll drive.” He held out his hand for the keys.

“What about the bikes?” I asked, handing them over.

He thought for a second. ”Wait here. And take this.” He pulled off his T-shirt, already spotted with blood, and threw it to me. I wadded it up and held it tightly to my forehead. I was starting to smell the blood; I breathed deeply through my mouth and tried to concentrate on something else.

Diego jumped on the black motorcycle, kicked it to a start in one try, and raced back down the road, spraying sand and pebbles behind him. He looked athletic and professional as he leaned over the handlebars, head low, face forward, his shiny hair whipping against the tanned skin of his back. My eyes narrowed enviously. I was sure I hadn’t looked like that on my motorcycle.

I was surprised at how far I’d gone. I could barely see Diego in the distance when he finally got to the truck. He threw the bike into the bed and sprinted to the driver’s side.

I really didn’t feel bad at all as he coaxed my truck to a deafening roar in his hurry to get back to me. My head stung a little, and my stomach was uneasy, but the cut wasn’t serious. Head wounds just bled more than most. His urgency wasn’t necessary.

Diego left the truck running as he raced back to me, wrapping his arm around my waist again.

“Okay, let’s get you in the truck.”

“Diego; I’m honestly fine,” I assured him as he helped me in. ”Don’t get all worked up. It’s just a little blood.”

“Just a _lot_ of blood,” I heard him mutter as he went back for my bike. “I really don’t want to lose my best friend again; especially not permanently.” He said as he lobbed my bike carelessly into the back of my truck with his one. “We are so done talking about this.”

“Now, let’s think about this for a second,” I began when he got back in.”If you take me to the ER like this, Scott is sure to hear about it.” I glanced down at the sand and dirt caked into my jeans.

“Taylor, I think you need stitches. I’m _not_ going to let you bleed to death.”

“I won’t,” I promised. ”Let’s just take the bikes back first, and then we’ll make a stop at my house so I can dispose of the evidence before we go to the hospital.”

“What about Scott?”

“He said he had to work today.”

“Are you really sure?”

“Trust me. I’m an easy bleeder. It’s not _nearly_ as dire as it looks.”

Diego wasn’t happy. His full mouth turned down in an uncharacteristic frown… but he didn’t want to get me in trouble. I stared out the window, holding his ruined shirt to my head, while he drove me to Cedar Cove.

The motorcycle was better than I’d dreamed. It had served its original purpose. I’d cheated… broken my promise. I’d been needlessly reckless. I felt a little less pathetic now that the promises had been broken on both sides.

And then to discover the key to the hallucinations! At least, I hoped I had. I was going to test the theory as soon as possible. Maybe they’d get through with me quickly in the ER, and I could try again tonight.

Racing down the road like that had been amazing. The feel of the wind in my face, the speed and the freedom... it reminded me of a past life, flying through the thick forest without a road, piggyback while he ran… I stopped thinking right there, letting the memory break off in the sudden agony. I flinched.

“You doing okay?” Diego checked.

“Yeah.” I tried to sound as convincing as before.

“By the way,” he added nonchalantly.”I’m going to disconnect your foot brake tonight.”

At home, I went to look at myself in the mirror first thing; it was pretty gruesome. Blood was drying in thick streaks across my cheek and neck, matting in my already red hair. I examined myself clinically, pretending the blood was paint so it wouldn’t upset my stomach. I breathed through my mouth, and was fine.

I washed up as well as I could. Then I hid my dirty, bloody clothes in the bottom of my laundry basket, putting on new jeans and a button-up shirt; that I didn’t have to pull over my head, as carefully as I could. I managed to do this one-handed and keep both garments blood-free. I felt I deserved applause.

“Hurry up,” Diego called. I assumed that meant I would not get my applause.

“Okay, okay,” I shouted back. After making sure I left nothing incriminating behind me, I headed downstairs.

“How do I look?” I asked him.

“Better,” he admitted.

“But do I look like I tripped in your garage and hit my head on a hammer?”

“Sure, I guess so.”

“Let’s go then.”

Diego hurried me out the door, and insisted on driving again. We were halfway to the hospital when I realized he was still shirtless.

I frowned guiltily. ”We should have grabbed you a jacket.”

“That would have given us away,” he teased. ”Besides, it’s not cold.”

“Are you kidding?” I shivered and reached out to turn the heat on.

I watched Diego to see if he was just playing tough so I wouldn’t worry, but he looked comfortable enough. He had one arm over the back of my seat, though I was huddled up to keep warm.

Diego really did look older than me… not quite forty, perhaps, much to his disappointment. Tom didn’t have too much on him in the muscle department, for all that Diego claimed to be a skeleton. The muscles were the long wiry kind, but they were definitely there under the smooth skin. His skin was such a pretty color, it made me jealous.

Diego noticed my scrutiny.

“What?” he asked, suddenly self-conscious.

“Nothing. I just hadn’t realized before. Did you know, you’re sort of beautiful? I’m jealous man, you get to be all secretly buff and tanned and now you’re a giant too… not cool, dude, not cool.” 

Rambling is never a good sign for your mental state; but especially so when you’ve got a head wound. Once the words slipped out, I worried that he might take my impulsive observation the wrong way.

But Diego just rolled his eyes. ”You hit your head pretty hard, didn’t you?”

“I’m serious… I think”

“Well, then, thanks. Sort of.”

I grinned. ”You’re sort of welcome.”

“Of course, next to your pale ass; pretty much any kinda tan is going to seem godly…” He teased, wiping the grin from my face as I instead scowled and thumped my fist into his arm.

“Jerk.” I pouted, folding my arms over my chest and glaring out the windscreen.

“Bitch.” Diego snarked back.

We glanced at each other; and dissolved into childish giggles, allowing ourselves a moment of levity before we had to start adulting again.

I had to have seven stitches to close the cut on my forehead. After the sting of the local anesthetic, there was no pain in the procedure. Diego held my hand while Dr. Snow was sewing, and I tried not to think about why that was so damn ironic.

We were at the hospital forever. By the time I was done, I had to drop Diego off at his home and hurry back to cook dinner for Scott. He seemed to buy my story about falling in Diego’s garage. After all, it wasn’t like I hadn’t been able to land myself in the ER before with no more help than my own feet.

This night was not as bad as that first night, after I’d heard the perfect voice in Port Royale. The hole came back, the way it always did when I was away from Diego, but it didn’t throb so badly around the edges. I was already planning ahead, looking forward to more delusions, and that was a distraction. Also, I knew I would once again feel human tomorrow when I was with Diego; being reckless idiots together. That made the empty hole and the familiar pain easier to bear; relief was in sight. The nightmare, too, had lost a little of its potency. I was horrified by the nothingness, as always, but I was also strangely impatient as I waited for the moment that would send me screaming into consciousness. I knew the nightmare had to end.

The next Wednesday, before I could get home from the ER, Dr. Browning called to warn my father that I might possibly have a concussion and advised him to wake me up every two hours through the night to make sure it wasn’t serious. Scott’s eyes narrowed suspiciously at my weak explanation about tripping again.

“Maybe you should just stay out of the garage altogether, Tay-Bear,” he suggested that night during dinner.

I panicked, worried that Scott was about to lay down some kind of edict that would prohibit Hartfeld, and consequently my motorcycle. And I wasn’t giving it up… I’d had the most amazing hallucination today. My rough, velvet-voiced delusion had yelled at me for almost five minutes before I’d hit the brake too abruptly and launched myself into the tree. I’d take whatever pain that would cause me tonight without complaint.

“This didn’t happen in the garage,” I protested quickly. ”We were hiking, and I tripped over a rock.”

“Oh... when did you start hiking without me?” Scott asked curiously.

“Working at Mitchell's gets me a decent discount,” I pointed out. "I figured I'd get Diego some gear too and we'd do some typical, best friend bonding and such...”

Scott raised a brow at me, unimpressed by my leaving him out of a hiking trip.

“I’ll be more careful,” I promised, surreptitiously crossing my fingers under the table. "And I promise we'll go when you're free sometime."

Scott was moderately appeased, but still frowned thoughtfully. “I don’t mind you hiking right there around Hartfeld, but keep close to town, okay?”

“Why?”

“Well, we’ve been getting a lot of wildlife complaints lately. The forestry department is going to check into it, but for the time being...”

“Oh, the big bear,” I said with sudden comprehension.”Yeah, some of the hikers coming through Mitchell's have seen it. Do you think there’s really some giant mutated grizzly out there?”

His forehead creased.”There’s something. Keep it close to town, okay?”

“Sure, sure,” I said quickly. He didn’t look completely convinced.

“Scott’s getting nosy,” I complained to Diego when I picked him up after college Friday.

“Maybe we should cool it with the bikes.” He saw my objecting expression and added, “At least for a week or so. You could stay out of the hospital for a week, right?”

“What are we going to do?” I griped.

He smiled cheerfully.”Whatever you want.”

I thought about that for a minute… about what I wanted.

I hated the idea of losing even my brief seconds of closeness with the memories that didn’t hurt… the ones that came on their own, without me thinking of them consciously. If I couldn’t have the bikes, I was going to have to find some other avenue to the danger and adrenaline, and that was going to take serious thought and creativity. Doing nothing in the meantime was not appealing. Suppose I got depressed again, even with Diego; my faithful sidekick, best friend for life? I swore to never admit to him that I was more like the sidekick; and a broken one at that. His ego was already huge over his damn age.

I had to keep occupied.

Maybe there was some other way, some other recipe... some other place.

The house had been a mistake, certainly. But his presence must be stamped somewhere, somewhere other than inside me. There had to be a place where he seemed more real than among all the familiar landmarks that were crowded with other human memories.

I could think of one place where that might hold true. One place that would always belong to him and no one else. A magic place, full of light. The beautiful meadow I’d seen only once in my life, lit by sunshine and the sparkle of his skin.

This idea had a huge potential for backfiring… it might be dangerously painful. My chest ached with emptiness even to think of it. It was hard to hold myself upright, to not give myself away. But surely, there of all places, I could hear his voice. And I’d already told Scott I was hiking...

“What are you thinking about so hard?” Diego asked.

“Well...” I began slowly. ”I found this place in the forest once… I came across it when I was, um, hiking. A little meadow, the most beautiful place. I don’t know if I could track it down again on my own. It would definitely take a few tries… but we could use a compass and a grid pattern,” I said, glancing over at him hopefully. 

"Alright, hunt down the mystery meadow… it's on, dude." Diego said with confidence. ”Do you know where you started from?”

“Yes, just below the trailhead where the one-ten ends. I was going mostly south, I think.”

“Cool. We’ll find it.” As always, Diego was game for anything I wanted. No matter how strange it was.

So, Saturday afternoon, I tied on my new hiking boots… purchased that morning, as my old ones seemed to have disappeared somewhere during the weeks I couldn't remember. I grabbed my battered topographical map of the Olympic Peninsula, and drove to Hartfeld.

We didn’t get started immediately; first, Diego sprawled across the living room floor… taking up the whole room… and, for a full twenty minutes, drew a complicated web across the key section of the map while I perched on a kitchen chair and talked to Ricardo. Ricardo didn’t seem at all concerned about our proposed hiking trip. I was surprised that Diego had told him where we were going, given the fuss people were making about the bear sightings. I wanted to ask Ricardo not to say anything about this to Scott, but I was afraid that making the request would cause the opposite result.

“Maybe we’ll see the super bear,” Diego joked, eyes on his design.

I glanced at Ricardo swiftly, fearing a Scott-style reaction.

But Ricardo just laughed at his son. ”Maybe you should take a jar of honey, just in case.”

Diego chuckled. ”Hope your new boots are fast, Taylor. One little jar isn’t going to keep a hungry bear occupied for long.”

“I only have to be faster than you.” I snorted, nudging his leg with the toe of my boot.

“Good luck with that!” Diego laughed, rolling his eyes as he refolded the map. ”Let’s go.”

“Have fun,” Ricardo rumbled, wheeling himself toward the refrigerator.

Scott wasn't exactly a hard person to live with, but it looked to me like Diego had it even easier than I did.

I drove to the very end of the dirt road, stopping near the sign that marked the beginning of the trailhead. It had been a long time since I’d been here, and my stomach reacted nervously; especially when a vivid memory tried to surface, one in which my entire body was lit on fire and my breath stolen for the very first time. This could end up being a very bad thing. But it would be worth it, if I got to hear him.

I got out and looked at the dense wall of green.

“I went this way,” I murmured, pointing straight ahead.

“Hmm,” Diego muttered.

“What?”

He looked at the direction I’d pointed, then at the clearly marked trail, and back.

“I would have figured you for a trail guy.”

“Not me.” I smiled bleakly. ”I’m a rebel.”

He laughed, and then pulled out our map.

“I'm starting to notice that, yeah.” He handed me the map, and I held the compass in a against it, twisting it around until it angled the way I wanted.

“Okay… first line on the grid. Let’s do it.” I said.

Within an hour, I could tell that I was slowing Diego up, but he didn’t complain. I couldn't help it thought. I was torn between nervousness and longing; yearning to find the meadow, but as always, distracted by the beautiful forest around me. I tried not to dwell on my last trip through this part of the forest, with a very different companion; or the last time I had actually been in a forest with him. Normal memories were still dangerous. If I let myself slip up, I’d end up with my arms clutching my chest to hold it together, gasping for air, and how the hell would I explain that to Diego?

It wasn’t as hard as I would have thought to keep focused on the present. The forest looked a lot like any other part of the peninsula, and Diego set a vastly different mood.

He whistled cheerfully, an unfamiliar tune, swinging his arms and moving easily through the rough undergrowth. The shadows didn’t seem as dark as usual. Not with my best friend and personal sun along.

I checked the compass every few minutes, keeping us in a straight line with one of the radiating spokes of the grid. I wondered if I really looked like I knew what I was doing. My mind wandered as we walked, and I grew curious. I hadn’t forgotten the conversation we’d had by the sea cliffs… I’d been waiting for him to bring it up again, but it didn’t look like that was going to happen.

“Hey... Diego?” I asked hesitantly.

“Yeah?”

“How are things... with Julian? Is he back to normal yet?”

Diego was silent for a minute, still moving forward with long paces. When he was about ten feet ahead, he stopped to wait for me.

“No. He’s not back to normal,” Diego said when I reached him, his mouth pulling down at the corners. He didn’t start walking again. I immediately regretted bringing it up.

“Still with Sean.” It wasn't a question.

“Yup.”

He put his arm around my shoulder, and he looked so troubled that I didn’t playfully shake it off, as I might have otherwise.

“Are they still looking at you funny?” I half-whispered.

Diego stared through the trees. ”Sometimes.”

“And Ricardo?”

“As helpful as ever,” he said in a sour, angry voice that disturbed me. Diego didn't get angry; it didn't suit him.

“Our couch is always open,” I offered.

He laughed, breaking out of the unnatural gloom. ”But think of the position that would put Scott in… when Ricardo calls the police to report my kidnapping.”

I laughed too, glad to have Diego back to normal.

We stopped when I said we’d gone six miles, cut west for a short time, and headed back along another line of the grid. Everything looked exactly the same as the way in, and I had a feeling that my silly quest was pretty much doomed. I admitted as much when it started to get darker, the sunless day fading toward a starless night, but Diego was more confident.

“As long as you’re sure we’re starting from the right place...” He glanced down at me.

“Yes, I’m sure.” I said quietly. That wasn't something I'd ever forget.

“Then we’ll find it,” he promised, grabbing my hand and pulling me through a mass of ferns. On the other side was the truck. He gestured toward it proudly. ”Trust me.”

“You’re good,” I admitted begrudgingly. Why did he have to be good at everything too? ”Next time we bring flashlights, though.”

“We’ll save hiking for Sundays from now on. I didn’t know you were that slow.”

I yanked my hand back and stomped around to the driver’s side, sticking my tongue out at him childishly, while he chuckled at my reaction.

“So you up for another try tomorrow?” He asked, sliding into the passenger seat.

“Sure. Unless you want to go without me, so I don’t tie you down to my gimpy pace.” I sneered petulantly. "Just because I like it in the woods…" I muttered.

“I’ll survive,” he assured me with a snort. ”If we’re hiking again, though; you're gonna need to bring about six tonnes of cheese sticks...”

"What is it with you and the cheese sticks?” I demanded. I wondered if I had already spelt my own doom by introducing him to my creation.

"Hey, they're insanely good. You don't wanna make as many, don't make them so damn good." Diego laughed, as I sighed and rolled my eyes; resigning myself to a future of endless cheese stick making. “I hope we see the bear tomorrow. I’m sort of disappointed about that.” He added as an after thought; giving me a brief episode of conversational whiplash.

“Yes, me, too,” I agreed sarcastically, once I had gained my bearings on the topic shift. ”Maybe we’ll get lucky tomorrow and something will eat us!”

“Bears don’t want to eat people. We don’t taste that good.” He grinned at me in the dark cab. ”Of course, _you_ might be an exception. I bet you’d taste good.”

“Thanks so much,” I said, looking away and trying to ignore the dangerous ache at the edge of the hold in my chest. He wasn’t to know; he wasn't the first person to tell me that.


	9. What Goes Up...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the name of keeping Diego and Taylor strictly platonic, and not to mention being accurate with the version's timeline, happy easter!
> 
> Brian is here again, feel free to hate on him for the last time as this might be the last noteworthy appearance for a while, or even ever
> 
> Thank god
> 
> Our love to you all  
> ✲ﾟ｡.(✿╹◡╹)ﾉ♡.｡₀:*ﾟ✲ﾟ

**What Goes Up...**

Time began to trip along much more quickly than before; or maybe it was just that I was awake and _noticing_ it’s passage now. College, work, and Diego... though not necessarily in that order, created a neat and effortless pattern to follow. And Scott got his wish. I wasn’t miserable anymore. Of course, I couldn’t fool myself completely. When I stopped to take stock of my life, which I tried not to do too often, I couldn’t ignore the implications of my behavior.

I was like a lost moon, my planet destroyed in some cataclysmic, disaster-movie scenario of desolation; that continued, nevertheless, to circle in a tight little orbit around the empty space which it left behind, ignoring the laws of gravity.

I was getting better with my bike, which meant fewer bandages to worry Scott. But it also meant that the voice in my head began to fade, until I heard it no more. Silently, I panicked. I threw myself into the search for the meadow with slightly frenzied intensity. I racked my brain for other adrenaline-producing activities.

I didn’t keep track of the days that passed… there was no reason, as I tried to live as much in the present as possible, no past fading, no future impending. So I was surprised by the date when Diego brought it up on one of our homework days. He was waiting when I pulled up in front of his house.

“Happy Easter,” Diego said, grinning and holding up his hand for a high five as he greeted me.

He held out a small, colourful egg, balancing it on his palm.

“Well, I feel like a schmuck,” I mumbled. “Is it really Easter Sunday?”

Diego shook his head with mock sadness.”You can be so out of it sometimes. Yes, it is the twenty first day of April. So are you going to cook me a super special, Easter Sunday roast? Like, just for me, that is? Since you didn’t get me any candy, or any cheese sticks, it’s really the least you can do.” He added, shrugging a shoulder feigned innocence. “Unless you’d rather make it up to me some other way.”

I started to feel uncomfortable. The words were teasing, but still hit too close to that forbidden zone which made the edges of the hole in my chest throb faintly.

“What exactly does that entail?” I hedged.

“The usual… slave for life, that kind of thing.”

“Oh, well, if that’s all...” I snorted and took the chocolate egg.

I frowned faintly as I unwrapped it, splitting it in half and shoving one half into his surprised face. Everything seemed to get blurred a lot with Diego; I couldn’t work out why things were so easy when I was with him, compared to the rest of the time.

“So, what are we doing tomorrow? Hiking, or the ER?” He asked, laughing as he wiped chocolate from the corner of his lip with his tongue.

“Hiking,” I decided. “You’re not the only one who can be obsessive. I’m starting to think I imagined that place...” I frowned into space; lost briefly in the warmth of the meadow, but carefully alone in my thoughts.

“We’ll find it,” he assured me. “Bikes Friday though?” He offered.

I was about to agree, except I remembered that my hallucinations weren’t working so well with the biking anymore. I wondered if perhaps some time away from the bikes might make me worse again; and bring that sweet, gruff voice back. I saw a chance and took it without taking time to think it through properly.

“I’m going to a movie Friday. I’ve been promising my cafeteria crowd that I would go out forever.” I realised distantly that Caleb would be pleased.

But Diego’s face fell. I caught the expression in his dark eyes before he dropped them to look at the ground.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa; what’s with the face, jerk? You’re going to come too, right?” I added quickly.”Or will it be too much of a drag, coming out with all us youngsters, now you’re like… forty?” I fidgeted nervously.

I couldn’t stand the thought of hurting Diego; we seemed to be connected in an odd way, and his pain set off little stabs of my own. Also, the idea of having his company for the ordeal made it all much more endurable. I had promised Caleb, but really didn’t feel any enthusiasm at the thought of following through… It was just too tempting; and anyone who had issue with it could just... not bother coming.

“You want me to come to the cinema, with your friends there?” Diego asked, raising a brow as he looked back up at me curiously.

“Why the hell wouldn’t I? You’re my best friend, if I could get away with ditching the rest of them and just going with you I would; but it would kind of defeat the point, because then we could just carry on watching your Supernatural thingy,” I admitted honestly, knowing I would prefer to do that anyway. “I’ll have a lot more fun if you’re there, dude. Hell, bring Tom too, and we’ll make it a party.”

“Tom’s gonna freak. College girls from beyond the rez.” He chortled and rolled his eyes. I didn’t mention Julian, and neither did he. I laughed, too.”I’ll try to get him a good selection.”

I broached the subject with Caleb in English the following day.

“Hey, Caleb,” I said when class was over. "Are you free Friday night?”

He looked up, his dark brown eyes instantly hopeful. "Yeah, I am. You want to go out?”

I worded my reply carefully. “I was thinking about getting a _group,_ ” I emphasized the word, ”together to go see Crosshairs.” I’d done my homework this time; even reading the movie spoilers to be sure I wouldn’t be caught off guard. This movie was supposed to be a bloodbath from start to finish. I wasn’t so recovered that I could stand to sit through a romance. “Does that sound like fun?”

“Sure,” he agreed, visibly less eager.

“Cool.”

After a second, he perked back up to near his former excitement level. “How about we get Cameron and Aiden? Maybe Brian too, I heard he found someone new...”

He was determined to make this some kind of date night, apparently. I wasn’t sure how I felt about Brian being around, but I wasn’t about to mention that to an outsider.

“How about all of them?” I suggested “And Zoe, too, of course. And Mia and Sydney, and maybe Kara,” I tacked on grudgingly. I had promised Tom variety.

“Okay,” Caleb muttered, foiled.

“And,” I continued, “I’ve got a couple of friends from Hartfeld I’m inviting. So it maybe I’ll drive around and pick people up in the back of my truck… if everyone comes, I mean.” I laughed awkwardly.

Caleb’s eyes narrowed in suspicion. “These are the friends you spend all your time studying with now?”

“Yep, the very ones,” I answered cheerfully. “Though you could look at it as tutoring… they’re trying to get me back on the straight and narrow...” I trailed off.

I didn’t need to say anymore for him to know that the reason why was a forbidden topic.

“Oh,” Caleb said, surprised. After a second of thought, he smiled.

In the end, though, my fetch and carry services weren’t required.

Zoe and Kara claimed to be busy as soon as Caleb let it slip that I was involved in the planning. Mia and Sydney already had plans… it was their three-week anniversary or something similarly mushy which I tried not to pay much attention to. Kara got to Brian; which I was admittedly pleased about as I thought he woulld become mysteriously busy. Brian of course, lived to disappoint; and was instead, even more eager to go after her intervention. 

Tom ended up out too… grounded for fighting at school. In the end, only Cameron and Aiden, and, of course; Diego, were able to go.

The diminished numbers didn’t dampen Caleb’s anticipation, though. It was all he could talk about Friday.

“Are you sure you don’t want to see Tomorrow and Forever instead?” he asked at lunch, naming the current romantic comedy that was ruling the box office. “Rotten Tomatoes gave it a better review.”

“I want to see Crosshairs” I insisted. “I’m in the mood for action. Bring on the blood and guts!”

“Okay.” Caleb turned away, but not before I saw his maybe-he’s-crazy-after-all expression.

When I got home from school, a very familiar car was parked in front of my house. Diego was leaning against the hood, a huge grin lighting up his face.

“No way!” I shouted as I jumped out of the truck. "You’re done! I can’t believe it! You finished the Impala!”

He beamed. “Just last night. This is Baby’s maiden voyage.”

“Incredible.” I held my hand up for a high five. “But I can’t believe you’re calling it that. There’s such a thing as taking it too far, dude.” 

Diego snorted and nudged me playfully, as he smacked his hand against mine, but then frowned; seeming to sense my flagging mood. ”So... do I get to drive tonight?”

“Definitely,” I said, and then I sighed.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m giving up… I can’t top this one. So you win. You're the oldest.”

He laughed and shook his head, but seemed ultimately unsurprised by my capitulation. “Of course I am.”

I heard my phone chime and dug it from my pocket, laughing in exasperation as I read the message I’d just received. “Well, Caleb’s not coming… something about his brother Ezra performing and his parents are making him go.” I muttered, rolling my eyes as I stuffed the device back into my pocket. “Looks like we’re gonna be watching some guts and blood with a loved… up—” my words trailed off at a loud roaring engine, as Diego and I both turned in curious confusion.

Brian’s Alfa Romeo sprinted around the corner. He saw me standing with Diego, and he made a face that I was sure I wasn’t meant to see.

“I remember this guy,” he said in a low voice, narrowing his eyes as Brian squealed to a stop across the street. “The one who thought you were his boyfriend. Is he still confused?”

“He’s been dating other people on and off for awhile, but I don’t know to be honest. I haven’t really seen him for awhile…” I said slowly, though I raised one eyebrow. “But uh… some people are hard to discourage.”

“Well, you know what they say,” Diego said with feigned thoughtfulness, “sometimes persistence pays off.”

“Yeah well, most of the time it’s just a pain in the ass, though.” I scathed back, shoving his shoulder irritably.

Brian got out of his car and crossed the road.

“Hey, Taylor, been awhile!” He greeted me, and then his eyes turned wary as he looked up at Diego. I glanced briefly at Diego, too, trying to be objective. He really didn’t look like he was bothered by Brian’s appearance at all. He was just so big… Caleb’s head barely cleared Diego’s shoulder; I didn’t even want to think where I measured next to him; and then his face was older-looking than it used to be, even a month ago.

“Hey, Brian... Do you remember Diego Soto?”

“Not really.” Caleb held out his hand.

“Old family friend,” Diego introduced himself, shaking hands. They locked hands with more force than necessary. When their grip broke, Brian flexed his fingers.

I heard the phone ringing from the kitchen.

“I’d better get that… it might be Scott,” I told them, and dashed inside.

It was Aiden. Cameron was sick with the stomach flu, and he didn’t feel like coming without them. He apologized for bailing on us.

I walked slowly back to Diego and Brian, shaking my head. I really hoped Cameron would feel better soon, but I had to admit that I was selfishly upset by this development. Just the three of us, Brian and Diego and me, together for the evening; this had worked out brilliantly, I thought with grim sarcasm. 

It didn’t seem like Diego and Brian had made any progress towards friendship in my absence. They were several yards apart, facing away from each other as they waited for me; Brian’s expression was sullen and moody, though Diego’s was cheerful as always.

“Cam is sick,” I told them glumly. “Aiden said they aren’t coming.”

“I guess the flu is making another round. Mia and Morgan were out today, too. Maybe we should do this another time,” Brian suggested.

I was about to agree, but Diego opened his stupid mouth first. “I’m still up for it, dude; unless you wanna just grab a pizza and chill with Supernatural again?” I glared at Diego, who blinked in surprise.

“No, I’m coming,” Brian said quickly, sneering as he turned away; missing my silent battle of furious gestures with Diego. “I was just thinking of Cam and Aiden. Let’s go.” He started toward his Alfa Romeo.

“Hey, um... you mind if Diego drives.” I demanded. I didn’t really care if he said no, because that only meant that we wouldn’t have to go. “I told him he could… he just finished his car. He built it from scratch, all by himself,” I bragged. I would have been proud as a first time mom; if I weren’t still glaring a hole through my best friend.

“Fine,” Brian snapped.

“All right, then,” Diego said, as if that settled everything. He seemed more comfortable than anyone else; despite my obvious bad mood.

We both knew I wouldn’t stay mad at him for long.

Brian climbed in the backseat of the Impala with a disgusted expression.

Diego was his normal sunny self, chattering away until I’d all but forgotten Brian sulking silently in the back.

And then Brian changed his strategy. He leaned forward, resting his chin on the shoulder of my seat; his cheek almost touched mine. I shifted away, turning my back toward the window.

“Doesn’t the radio work in this thing?” Brian asked with a hint of petulance, interrupting Diego mid-sentence.

“Yeah, it does.” Diego answered. “But Taylor doesn’t like music.”

I stared at Diego, surprised. I’d never told him that.

“Taylor?” Brian asked, annoyed.

“He’s right,” I mumbled, still looking at Diego’s serene profile.

“How can you not like music?” Brian demanded.

I shrugged. "I don’t know. It just irritates me.”

“Hmph.” Brian leaned away.

When we got to the theater, Diego handed me a ten-dollar bill.

“What’s this?” I objected.

“For my ticket,” he insisted, holding a finger out warningly. “Don’t be difficult, or I’ll take another decade off your age.”

I laughed out loud. “Well, is Ricardo gonna be mad if I send you back with this still? Hell, does he even know you’re here?”

“Of course he does. I always tell him whenever you’re planning to corrupt my youthful innocence.”

I snickered and shoved him playfully, as Brian quickened his pace to keep up with us.

I almost wished that Brian had decided to bow out. He was still sullen… not much of an addition to the party. Regardless of if Diego and I had decided to still come, or whether we had stayed home with Diego’s box set; I already knew the evening would have been way more fun than whatever was currently ahead of us.

The movie was exactly what it professed to be. In just the opening credits, four people got blown up and one got beheaded. The girl in front of me put her hands over her eyes and turned her face into her date’s chest. He patted her shoulder, and winced occasionally, too. Brian didn’t look like he was watching at all. His face was stiff as he glared toward the fringe of curtain above the screen.

I settled in to endure the two hours, watching the colors and the movement on the screen rather than seeing the shapes of people and cars and houses. But then Diego started sniggering.

“What?” I whispered.

“Oh, c’mon, dude!” He hissed back. “The blood squirted twenty feet out of that guy! How fake can you get?” He chuckled again, as a flagpole speared another man into a concrete wall.

After that, I really watched the film, laughing with him as the mayhem got more and more ridiculous. How was I able to feel so human, so normal around him; when even the smallest things set me off at home with my own Dad?

Both Diego and Brian had claimed the armrests on either side of me; though for different reasons. Brian’s hand rested lightly, palm up, in an unnatural looking position. Like a steel bear trap, open and ready. Diego was just so huge that he needed both of his armrests to contain him.

I folded my arms into my lap and leaned back in my seat, ready to enjoy the film properly.

Brian gave up about halfway through the movie, pulling his arm back and leaning forward to put his head in his hands. At first I thought he was reacting to something on the screen, but then he moaned.

“Brian... are you okay?” I whispered hesitantly.

I wasn’t entirely sure if I really cared, but then, Brian had gone out of his way to avoid me at college for awhile now. I supposed I could cut him some slack.

The couple in front of us turned to look at him as he groaned again.

I could see the sheen of sweat across his face in the light from the screen.

Brian groaned again, and bolted for the door. I got up to follow him, and Diego copied me immediately.

“No, stay,” I whispered. “I’ll make sure he’s okay.”

Diego came with me anyway.

“You don’t have to come. Get your eight bucks worth of carnage,” I insisted as we walked up the aisle.

“Yeah, no offense but, I’m good. You sure can pick ‘em, Taylor. This movie _really_ sucks.” His voice rose from a whisper to its normal pitch as we walked out of the theater. “And that’s from someone who watched both versions of Last House On The Left; certain there would be some sort of improvement.” He added as he shook his head fondly. “There was not.” He said with a forlorn sigh, spreading his palms as I jostled him and tried not to laugh.

There was no sign of Brian in the hallway, so Diego and I had a brief Rock Paper Scissors match to decide who would go check the men’s room for him. I won, but Diego was back just a few seconds after braving the cinema bathroom.

“Oh, he’s in there, all right,” he said, rolling his eyes. “What a marshmallow. You should hold out for friends with stronger stomachs. Ya know, people who laugh at the gore that makes weaker fools like this vomit.”

“I’ll keep my eyes open for people like that.”

We were all alone in the hallway. Both theaters were halfway through the movie, and it was deserted, quiet enough for us to hear the popcorn popping at the concession counter in the lobby.

Diego went to sit on the velveteen-upholstered bench against the wall, patting the space beside him. “He sounded like he was going to be in there for a while,” he said, stretching his long legs out in front of him as he settled in to wait.

I joined him with a sigh. What a fiasco the evening had turned out to be. As soon as I sat down, he shifted over to put his arm around my shoulders.

“Diego,” I whined, shaking my head as I leaned against his side. “Why can’t things just go right for once? Why does everything I try to do now just… go wrong?” Diego was silent for a long pause, so long that I wasn’t sure if he was ignoring my question or genuinely thinking about something else. Finally he dropped his arm and reached out to take my hand firmly. 

“Taylor,” he said in a calm voice. “You’re my best friend… and I hope you don’t mine, but, I’m going to tell you something.”

I grimaced. I didn’t like the sound of this. Not that I knew what this was; but I knew that I didn’t want to do it. Not just not now, but not ever. There was nothing left in my life at this point that was more important than Diego Soto. But he seemed determined to throw me into turmoil with panic and chaotic thoughts of what he could possibly be thinking..

“What?” I muttered sourly.

“You’re trying to avoid dating, right?”

“Um… what has that got to do with this situation?” I asked slowly, utterly thrown as to where his mind had gone.

“Just humour me.” Diego snorted quietly, his fingers squeezing my hand gently. When did he get so damn warm? “You don’t know how to say no to anyone, let alone that joker puking his guts out in there?” He gestured toward the bathroom door.

“... I don’t really know what to say, full stop. I’ve only just started talking to half of them again; and Brian isn’t even one of them. I still don’t know why he came,” I sighed. I wasn’t sure why I was saying any of this; it was dangerous territory to step into.

“None of the other guys you know?” He was calm, serene; as if my answer didn’t matter, or he already knew what it was.

“No… none of them,” I said quietly.

“You just want them to be friends; and stop buzzing around you like flies on a horses sweaty flank in summer,” he said, and it wasn’t a question.

I wrinkled my nose in disgust. “Dude,” I grimaced, shaking my head in confusion. “Why are you comparing me to some gross, sweaty—”

Diego suddenly released my hand and used it instead to thwack me around the back of the head, a huge grin spreading across his face as he laughed. “Dude; things keep going wrong because you’re not being up front!” He said, as if it should have been obvious to me. “They see you and you don’t just turn them down; so they think if they’re persistent they’ll win you over. Playing hard to get is a thing people do dude…” he laughed.

I scowled and rubbed the back of my head. “I’m not playing hard to get; there’s nothing _to_ get. This feast has been removed from all menus, this is a no smooching zone.” I muttered, closing my eyes and shaking my head to try and divert the pain I felt tickling at the edge of the hole. The conversation was too close; too raw. I needed to back out, now. “I just wish everyone could be more like you and just _understand_ that I’m not interested in, well… in anyone, beyond friendship.”

He grinned down at me. “That’s okay, you know… You’re allowed to take yourself out of the game. But unless people know you’re giving them a definitive no; then they’re prepared to be annoyingly persistent.”

“I’m not going to change,” I said, and though I tried to keep my voice normal, I could hear the sadness in it.

Diego’s face slowly softened and turned thoughtful, no longer teasing.”It’s still the other one, isn’t it?” He asked quietly, his hand squeezing mine gently as if he knew that even this small mention of the only man I’ve loved would send my absentee heart racing wildly; pain flooding the battered organ, wherever it had gone to.

I cringed. It was so funny how he seemed to know not to say the name; just like before in the car with the music. He picked up on so much about me that I never said. But then, that’s what best friends are for. “You don’t have to talk about it,” he told me.

I nodded, grateful; though I was surprised to realise that some small part of me really did _want_ to talk to him about it.

“Well, you know that I’m always gonna be around to beat them all off with sticks, if I need to… right?” Diego patted the back of my hand. “I mean, I’ve got loads of time; and that just means there’s all the more cheese sticks for me to be eating.”

I laughed at his attempt at humour, but it was hollow. Empty. “You shouldn’t waste it on me, dude.” I said, though I wanted him to. Especially if he was willing to accept having a best friend that was the way I was... damaged goods; and all. “You should be putting yourself out there… getting yourself some action.” I tried to make myself smile at the offer, to encourage him to tell me to stay out of his garage and that he had better things to do than babysit such a fuck up like me.

“It’s what I want to do, as long as you still like to be with me.” He said, grinning as he shrugged a shoulder nonchalantly. “Besides, the only guy I’ve kinda had a thing for? He’s taken.”

“What?” I blurted, surprised both by the revelation that Diego had been crushing on someone and I hadn’t known; all the missed teasing opportunities! But also, but the fact that someone could reject my best friend for someone else. “I can’t imagine how anyone could not like being with you, though.” I told him honestly, frowning at the very idea.

Diego pouted. “He’s incredibly hot, but I saw him walking around with Devon Redfield the other week, so… yeah. Connor Green is clearly into him, judging by the hand holding.” He said with a shrug, though he dropped his eyes to the floor as he spoke.

“Well, I guess that’s a loud and clear ‘don’t expect more’, to everyone else.” I warned him, trying to pull my hand away from his so I could discreetly wrap my arms around my chest. It was threatening to blow at any second. He held onto it obstinately.

“This doesn’t bother you, does it?” He demanded, squeezing my fingers. Damn him and his all seeing eyes.

“No,” I sighed. Truthfully, it felt nice. His hand was so much warmer than mine; I always felt too cold these days. I vaguely remembered a time when I’d relished the cold; and everything it reminded me of.

“And you don’t care what he thinks.” Diego jerked his thumb toward the bathroom.

“Pfft, of course not.” I scoffed, rolling my eyes at the very suggestion.

“So what’s the problem?”

“The problem,” I said, trying to sound playful as opposed to frantic as I rapidly searched for a reply, “is… you're holding my hand hostage.”

“Well.” He tightened his hand around mine “That’s just tough for now then, isn’t it?” He said, his tone somewhat too soft to still be playful. Why did he always seem to pick up on all the things which other people seemed to miss? “Maybe it will make this guy think you’re off the market; and then word might spread. I’ll be happy, if it buys you even a week of a break from everyone.”

“Fine,” I grumbled. "Don’t forget it was your stupid idea, though.”

“I won’t. Pin’s out of the grenade now, eh?” He poked me in the ribs.

I rolled my eyes. I guess if he felt like making himself into my suiter shield then I couldn’t really stop him; and it would be nice to not have people assume I was going to be up for whatever they dreamt up.

Diego chuckled quietly for a minute while his pinky finger absently traced designs against the side of my hand. “That’s a funny scar you’ve got there,” he suddenly said, twisting my hand to examine it.”How did that happen?”

The index finger of his free hand followed the line of the long silvery crescent that was barely visible against my pale skin.

I scowled. “Do you honestly expect me to remember where all my scars come from?” I demanded, yanking at my hand viciously, though he held on easily. He raised a brow at my reaction, but I barely noticed. 

I waited for the memory to hit… to open the gaping hole which was already threatening to rip me open. But, as it so often did, Diego’s presence kept me whole.

“It’s cold,” he murmured, pressing lightly against the place where Rex had cut me with his teeth. I shivered; and it had nothing to do with temperature.

And then Brian stumbled out of the bathroom, his face ashen and covered in sweat. He looked horrible.

“Brian… wow,” I gasped.

“Do you mind leaving early?” he asked roughly.

“No, of course not.” I pulled my hand free and went to help Brian walk. He looked unsteady.

“Movie too much for you?” Diego asked curiously.

Brian’s glare was malevolent. “I didn’t actually see any of it,” he mumbled. “I was feeling nauseous before the lights went down.”

“Why didn’t you say something?” I scolded as we staggered toward the exit.

“I was hoping it would pass,” he said.

“Just a sec,” Diego said as we reached the door. He walked quickly back to the concession stand.

“Could I have an empty popcorn bucket?” he asked the salesgirl. She looked at Brian once, and then thrust a bucket at Diego.

“Get him outside, please,” she begged. She was obviously the one who would have to clean the floor.

I towed Brian out into the cool, wet air. He inhaled deeply. Diego was right behind us. He helped me get Brian into the back of the car, and handed him the bucket with a serious gaze.

“Please,” was all Diego said.

We rolled down the windows, letting the icy night air blow through the car, hoping it would help Brian. I curled my arms around my legs to keep warm.

“Cold, again?” Diego asked, putting his arm around me before I could answer.

“You’re not?”

He shook his head.

“You must have a fever or something,” I grumbled. It was freezing. I touched my fingers to his forehead, and his head was hot.

“Whoa, Diego...you’re burning up!”

“I feel fine.” He shrugged. “Fit as a fiddle.”

I frowned and touched his head again. His skin blazed under my fingers.

“Your hands are like ice,” he complained.

“Maybe it’s me,” I allowed.

Brian groaned in the backseat, and threw up in the bucket. I grimaced, hoping my own stomach could stand the sound and smell. Diego checked anxiously over his shoulder to make sure his car wasn’t defiled; and I noticed he inched his speedometer inching higher.

The road felt longer on the way back.

Diego was quiet, thoughtful. He left his arm around me, and it was so warm that the cold wind felt good.

I stared out the windshield, consumed with guilt.

It was so wrong to use Diego the way that I was. Pure selfishness. It didn’t matter that he was my best friend and wanted to be here, to try and help. If he really thought that I was ever going to change back to the decent friend I’d been when we were ten, then I hadn’t been clear enough.

How could I explain so that he would understand? I was an empty shell. Like a vacant house; condemned… for three months I’d been utterly uninhabitable. Now I was a little improved. The front room was in better repair. But that was all, just the one small piece. He deserved better than that; better than a one-room, falling-down fixer-upper. No amount of investment on his part could put me back in working order.

Yet I knew that I wouldn’t send him away, regardless. I needed him too much, and I was selfish. Maybe I could somehow make him realise what a useless friend I was, so that he would know to just ditch my sorry ass and focus on his real friends, down in Hartfeld. The thought made me shudder, and Diego tightened his arm around me.

When we got back to my house, I took Brian’s key’s and got ready to drive him home. I headed to my truck to dump my things inside, but turned back abruptly when I heard Diego; more to the point, the sound of Diego’s furious roar.

I raced back around the truck; my eyes wide as I stopped dead on my doorstep, staring in disbelief as I saw Diego pin Brian to the bonnet of his Alfa Romeo. “What the _hell_ did you just say, creep?!” Diego demanded, as I blinked in surprise. I’d never seen Diego so mad; it was like he was rippling with barely repressed fury. I wasn’t sure what the hell Brian had done, but it had to have been bad.

I was about to head over and break them up, when Brian opened his mouth; and I was struck dumb by the words which Brian next vomited up, in the hopes of avoiding Diego’s fist in his face. 

“What the hell is it to you? I said I _almost_ tapped that,” he scoffed, gesturing roughly towards where I stood in my doorway; a silent and unknown witness to their confrontation. “We knew he liked to play hard to get, so we herded him to the quieter area in town and then we cut off his exit… I was just about to finally get hold of his tight ass, when he starts lashing out with all this bullshit kung fu—”

“Usually if people are using self defense to get away from you; they’re not interested!” Diego snarled, his usually kind face twisted into a disbelieving snarl. “What the hell made you think that was a smart move? Huh? Son of the Chief of Police says no; so you _lure_ him into some sort of deranged _gangbang_?!”

I winced at the memory which tried to break free in my head; locked into place as I fought to prevent it’s release, struggling to hold myself together when all I wanted to do was run up to my room and fall apart.

“We were drunk! We were just gonna show him a good time! He damn well needed it!” Brian defended, his hand curling defensively around his gut as his nausea seemed to return with a vengeance. “He’s tighter than a nun's ass; has been since he got here! We were gonna help him relax, make sure he enjoyed himself… but then he started punching and the next thing; there’s this car—” I tried desperately to block the words out, to not hear anything past the horrifying revelation of Brian’s intentions for that night, “—then the following morning, the scary freak comes over and demand I damn well apologise or she’d hack my phone! What the hell would you have done?!”

I couldn’t breathe. Nausea clawed at me, my absent heart pounding erratically as I fought to keep myself on my feet, to keep myself from collapsing and allowing the hole in my chest to just rip me entirely in two; knowing I would not wake up again if I returned to my previous zombified state. I knew I _needed_ to get away, because Brian was not only now reminding me of a dangerous memory, but any second; he was going to say a name… and I knew when he did I would be broken beyond repair.

“Shut up.” Diego hissed, his huge frame seeming to quiver with the effort of his restraint. “When he comes out here, you’re gonna get your goddamn key, you’re gonna get behind your shitty wheel and you’re gonna drive yourself home as fast as you damn well can—”

“Why?!” Brian challenged, though he already looked green enough that he could lay down on the grass and nobody would notice him. “That bitch is long gone; they all are! Why the hell shouldn’t I—”

“Because if you ever say so much a word to him again in your entire life; you’re going to have worse than _them_ to deal with.” Diego warned in a fierce whisper, which stopped Brian in his tracks; finally seeing something in Diego’s hard gaze, as he stared down at Brian uncaringly. “You’ll have _me_ to deal with. I am his best goddamn friend; and I won’t hesitate to tell his _dad_ about this one guy, who already confessed to the attempted assault on his so—”

“Alright, alright!” Brian quickly conceded, raising both palms briefly; though he quickly curled them around his midriff again. “Fine! I’ll… I’ll stay away…”

“You better, asshole.” Diego hissed, narrowing his eyes as he released Brian roughly, running a hand over his hair and shaking his head in agitation as he backed away, tensing abruptly and turning to find me stood in the doorway; his eyes both horrified and cautious as he approached slowly. “Taylor?” He asked worriedly, though I knew the tremor I could see rippling over his skin wasn’t fear for me so much as anger at Brian’s confession.

I didn’t answer, but I held out Brian’s key; dropping it into Diego’s palm as I met his worried gaze with my own haunted look. I’m not sure what he saw in my hollow eyes, but I can guess it wasn’t good. His lips thinned into a line, his eyes narrowing as he turned and stomped back to Brian by his car. 

“Here, asshole. Now get going.” He ordered roughly, as I stared emptily. Brian looked like he might argue, but Diego grit his teeth and growled at him warningly, quickly changing his mind as Diego moved to break off his wing mirror. “Don’t even bother looking at him again. Hell, think about transferring… to a different goddamn _state_.” He demanded, narrowing his eyes as he watched Brian scramble into his drivers door and start his engine, squealing away despite the pale green tint to his skin.

Diego was quiet for an excruciatingly long time, finally turning and walking slowly back to the house, and I wondered if he were thinking the same things that I was. Maybe he was changing his mind about his new bodyguard duties.

“I would invite myself in, since we’re early,” he said as he came to a stop just in front of me, a curious frown tugging at his brow as he looked up at me. "But I think you might be right about the fever, after all. I’m starting to feel a little... strange.”

“Oh…" I blinked, exhaling a deep breath as I forced everything I had just seen and witnessed into a deep dark hole; somewhere around my feet. "Oh! Dude, not you, too! Do you want me to drive you home?” I offered, genuinely worried about Diego now my head was out of my own ass. This wasn't like him.

“No.” He shook his head, his eyebrows pulling together. "I don’t feel sick yet. Just... wrong. If I have to, I’ll pull over.”

“Will you call me as soon as you get in?” I asked anxiously.

“Sure, sure.” He frowned, staring over my shoulder into the house and biting his lip.

I hesitated, uncertain what to do next as we stood in silence. After a moment, Diego reached over and snagged my wrist lightly, lifting it to his chest. I noticed again how hot his skin felt on mine. “Dude… w-what are you dong?” I asked, laughing awkwardly as Diego shifted his gaze to me at last. This was definitely gayer than most of our normal interactions.

“There’s something I want to tell you, Taylor... but I think it’s going to sound kind of corny.”

I sighed. I really hoped my best friend hadn't fallen in love with me; because that would make everything really awkward.”Go ahead.”

“It’s just that, I know how you’re unhappy a lot. And, maybe it doesn’t help anything, but I wanted you to know that I’m always here. I won’t ever let you down… I promise that you can always count on me. Wow, that does sound corny. But you know that, right? That I would never, ever hurt you?”

“Yeah, Diego. I know that. And I already do count on you, probably more than you know.”

The smile broke across his face the way the sunrise set the clouds on fire, and I almost grinned back; but moments later, a strange look crossed his face. "I really think I’d better go home now,” he said.

I tugged my hand free quickly. "No puking on me!" I yelped, earning only a light chuckle as Diego waved half heartedly before quickly trotting back to his Impala and sliding into the driver's seat. “Call me!” I yelled as he pulled away.

I watched him go, and he seemed to be in control of the car, at least. I stared at the empty street when he was gone, feeling a little sick myself, but not for any physical reason. I had never wanted to use Diego, but I couldn’t help but interpret the guilt I felt now to mean that I had.

Even more, I had never meant to love him. One thing I truly knew; knew it in the pit of my stomach, in the center of my bones, knew it from the crown of my head to the soles of my feet, knew it deep in my empty chest… was how love gave someone the power to break you.

I’d been broken beyond repair.

But I needed Diego now, needed him like a drug. I’d used him as a crutch for too long, and I was in deeper than I’d planned to go with anyone, and even though he was only my best friend; he was more like a brother now. He was my best friend. I would always love him.

I went inside to sit by the phone and bite my nails.

“Movie over already?” Scott asked in surprise when I came in. He was on the floor, just a foot from the TV. Must be an exciting train show.

“Brian got sick,” I explained. "Some kind of stomach flu.”

“You okay?”

“I feel fine now,” I said doubtfully. Clearly, I’d been exposed.

I leaned against the kitchen counter, my hand inches from the phone, and tried to wait patiently. I thought of the strange look on Diego’s face before he drove away, and my fingers started drumming against the counter. I should have insisted on driving him home.

I watched the clock as the minutes ticked by Ten. Fifteen. Even when I was driving, it took only fifteen minutes, and Diego drove faster than I did. Eighteen minutes. I picked up the phone and dialed.

It rang and rang. Maybe Ricardo was asleep. Maybe I’d dialed wrong. I tried again.

On the eighth ring, just as I was about to hang up, Ricardo answered.

“Hello?” he asked. His voice was wary, like he was expecting bad news.

“Billy, it’s me, Taylor… did Diego make it home yet? He left here about twenty minutes ago.”

“He’s here,” Ricardo said tonelessly.

“He was supposed to call me.” I was a little irritated. "He was getting sick when he left, and I was worried.”

“He was... too sick to call. He’s not feeling well right now.” Ricardo sounded distant. I realized he must want to be with Diego.

“Let me know if you need any help,” I offered. "I could come down-” I thought of Billy, stuck in his chair, and Diego fending for himself...

“No, no,” Ricardo interrupted quickly. "We’re fine. Stay at your place.”

The way he said it was almost rude.

“Okay,” I agreed, feeling thoroughly rejected.

“Bye, Taylor.”

The line disconnected.

“Bye,” I muttered.

Well, at least he’d made it home. Oddly, I didn’t feel less worried. I trudged up the stairs, fretting. Maybe I would go down before work tomorrow to check on him. I could take soup… we had to have a can of Campbell’s around here somewhere.

I realized all such plans were canceled when I woke up early, my clock said four thirty; and sprinted to the bathroom. Scott found me there a half hour later, lying on the floor, my cheek pressed against the cold edge of the bathtub.

He looked at me for a long moment.

“Stomach flu,” he finally said.

“Yes,” I moaned.

“You need something?” he asked.

“Call the Mitchell's for me, please,” I instructed hoarsely. "Tell them I have whatever it is passing around college, and that I can’t make it today. Tell them I’m sorry.”

“Sure, no problem,” Scott assured me.

I spent the rest of the day on the bathroom floor, sleeping for a few hours with my head on a crumpled up towel. Scott claimed that he had to work, but I suspected that he just wanted access to a bathroom. He left a glass of water on the floor beside me to keep me hydrated.

It woke me up when he came back home. I could see that it was dark in my room; after nightfall. He clumped up the stairs to check on me.

“Still alive?”

“Sort of,” I said.

“Do you want anything?”

“No, thanks.”

He hesitated, clearly out of his element.”Okay, then,” he said, and then he went back down to the kitchen.

I heard the phone ring a few minutes later. Scott spoke to someone in a low voice for a moment, and then hung up.

“Cameron feels better,” he called up to me.

Well, that was encouraging. They’d only gotten sick eight hours or so before me. Eight more hours. The thought made my stomach turn, and I pulled myself up to lean over the toilet.

I fell asleep on the towel again, but when I woke up I was in my bed and it was light outside my window. I didn’t remember moving; Scott must have carried me to my room. He’d also put the glass of water on my bedside table. I felt parched. I chugged it down, though it tasted funny from sitting stagnant all night.

I got up slowly, trying not to trigger the nausea again. I was weak, and my mouth tasted horrible, but my stomach felt fine. I looked at my clock.

My twenty-four hours were up.

I didn’t push it, eating nothing but saltine crackers for breakfast. Scott looked relieved to see me recovered.

As soon as I was sure that I wasn’t going to have to spend the day on the bathroom floor again, I called Diego.

Diego was the one who answered, but when I heard his greeting I knew he wasn’t over it.

“Hello?” His voice was broken, cracking.

“Oh, man,” I groaned sympathetically. "You sound awful, dude.”

“I feel awful,” he whispered.

“I’m so sorry I made you go out with me. This sucks.”

“I’m glad I went.” His voice was still a whisper. "Don’t blame yourself. This isn’t your fault.”

“You’ll get better soon,” I promised.”I woke up this morning, and I was fine.”

“You were sick?” he asked dully.

“Yes, I got it, too. But I’m fine now.”

“That’s good.” His voice was dead.

“So you’ll probably be better in a few hours,” I encouraged.

I could barely hear his answer. "... I don’t think I have the same thing you did.”

“Don’t you have the stomach flu?” I asked, confused.

“No. This is something else.”

“What’s wrong with you?”

“Everything,” he whispered. "Every part of me hurts.”

The pain in his voice was nearly tangible.

“What can I do, Diego? What can I bring you?”

“Nothing. You can’t come here.” He was abrupt. It reminded me of Billy the other night. I tried not to recoil at the tone.

“I’ve already been exposed to whatever you have,” I pointed out.

He ignored me.”I’ll call you when I can. I’ll let you know when you can come down again.”

“Diego...”

“I’ve got to go,” he said with sudden urgency.

“Call me when you feel better.”

“Right,” he agreed, and his voice had a strange, bitter edge.

He was silent for a moment. I was waiting for him to say goodbye, but he waited too.

“I’ll see you soon,” I finally said.

"Wait for me to call,” he said again.

"Okay... get well soon, dude.”

“Taylor,” he whispered my name, and then hung up the phone.


	10. Relapse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How do you break an already depressed, Jake-deprived Taylor?
> 
> Deprive him from his bestie too.
> 
> Though kinda going both ways as Diego doesn't wanna ignore Taylor either.
> 
> Let it be known that I kinda like Grant. I mean, I never finished Veil of Secrets so nothing in his character line made me feel iffy about him. So killing him was a bit... Anyway, in behalf of both of us, hope you guys enjoy this!
> 
> x Our love to you all x

**Relapse**

Diego didn’t call.

The first time I called, Ricardo answered and told me that Diego was still in bed. I got nosy, checking to make sure that Ricardo had taken him to a doctor. Ricardo said he had, but, for some reason I couldn’t nail down; I didn’t really believe him. I called again, several times a day, for the next two days, but no one was ever there.

Saturday, I decided to go see him, invitation be damned. But the little red house was empty. This frightened me; was Diego so sick that he’d needed to go to the hospital? I stopped by the hospital on the way back home, but the nurse at the front desk told me neither Diego or Ricardo had been in.

I made Scott call Charlie Nguyen as soon as he got home from work. I waited, anxious, while Scott chatted with his old friend; the conversation seemed to go on forever without Diego even being mentioned. It seemed that Charlie himself had been in the hospital, some kind of tests for his heart. Scott’s forehead got all pinched together, but Charlie joked with him, blowing it off, until Scott was laughing again. Only then did Scott ask about Diego, and now his side of the conversation didn’t give me much to work with, just a lot of vague hums and yeahs. I drummed my fingers against the counter beside him until he put a hand over mine to stop me.

Finally, Scott hung up the phone and turned to me.

“Charlie says there’s been some trouble with the phone lines, and that’s why you haven’t been able to get through. Ricardo took Diego to the doc down there, and it looks like he has mono. He’s real tired, and Ricardo said no visitors,” he reported.

“No visitors?” I demanded in disbelief.

Scott raised one eyebrow.”Now don’t you go making a pest of yourself, Tay-Bear. Ricardo knows what’s best for Diego. He’ll be up and around soon enough. Be patient.”

I didn’t push it. Scott was too worried about Charlie. That was clearly the more important issue; it wouldn’t be right to bug him with my lesser concerns. Instead, I went straight upstairs and turned on my computer. I found a medical site online and typed “mononucleosis” into the search box.

All I knew about mono was that you were supposed to get it from kissing, which was clearly not the case with Diego. I read through the symptoms quickly; the fever he definitely had, but what about the rest of it? No horrible sore throat, no exhaustion, no headaches, at least not before he’d gone home from the movie; he’d said he felt “fit as a fiddle.” Did it really come on so fast? The article made it sound like the sore stuff showed up first.

I glared at the computer screen and wondered why, exactly, I was doing this. Why did I feel so... so suspicious, like I didn’t believe Ricardo’s story? Why would Ricardo lie to Charlie and by extension; Scott?

I was being silly, probably. I was just worried, and, if I was being totally honest, I was afraid of not being allowed to see Diego; it made me nervous, because I selfishly didn't want the pain to come back and consume me again.

I skimmed through the rest of the article, looking for more information. I stopped when I got to the part about how mono could last more than a month.

A month? My mouth fell open.

But Ricardo couldn’t enforce the no-visitors thing that long. Of course not. Diego would go crazy stuck in bed that long without anyone to talk to.

What was Ricardo afraid of, anyway? The article said that a person with mono needed to avoid physical activity, but there was nothing about visitors. The disease wasn’t very infectious.

I’d give Ricardo a week, I decided, before I got pushy. A week was generous.

A week was long. By Wednesday, I was sure I wasn’t going to live through to Saturday.

When I’d decided to leave Ricardo and Diego alone for a week, I hadn’t really believed that Diego would go along with Ricardo’s rule. I thought he would have called, texted, _something_. Every day when I got home from college, I ran to the phone to check for messages. There was never a single one.

I cheated three times by trying to call him, but the phone lines still weren’t working.

I was in the house far too much, and I was way too alone. Without Diego, and my adrenaline and my distractions, everything I’d been repressing started creeping up on me. The dreams got hard again. I could no longer see the end coming. Just the horrible nothingness; half the time in the forest, half the time in the empty fern sea where the white house no longer existed. Sometimes Sean Gayle was there in the forest, watching me again. I paid him no attention… there was no comfort in his presence; it made me feel no less alone. It didn’t stop me from screaming myself awake, night after night.

The hole in my chest was worse than ever. I’d thought that I’d been getting it under control, but I found myself hunched over, day after day, clutching my sides together and gasping for air as soon as I was certain nobody was looking.

I wasn’t handling alone well.

I was relieved beyond measure the morning I woke up, screaming, of course; and remembered that it was Saturday. Today I could call Diego. And if the phone lines still weren’t working, then I was going to Hartfeld; Ricardo's rules be damned. One way or another, today would be better than the horrendous week I had been forced to endure alone.

I dialed, and then waited without high expectations.

It caught me off guard when Ricardo answered on the second ring.

“Hello?”

“Oh, hey, the phone is working again! Hi, Ricardo. It’s Taylor. I was just calling to see how Diego is doing. Is he up for visitors yet? I was thinking about dropping by...”

“I’m sorry, Taylor,” Ricardo interrupted, and I wondered if he were watching TV; he sounded distracted. "He’s not in.”

“Oh.” It took me a second for the implications of three such simple words to sink in. "So… so he’s feeling better then?”

“Yeah,” Ricardo hesitated for an instant too long. "Turns out it wasn’t mono after all. Just some other virus, but it hit him pretty damn hard.”

“Oh." I shouldn't be trembling, I knew that. I should be pleased he was feeling better; but instead the dread sat heavy in my stomach, and I found myself asking a question I wasn't sure I wanted answered, before I could think it through. "So... where is he?”

“He’s giving some friends a ride up to Port Royale. I think they were going to catch a double feature or something. He’s gone for the whole day.”

“Oh." I tried to sound relieved; rather than hollow. My hand felt too light holding the phone; I wasn't sure I wasn't about to pass out from shock. "Well… that’s a relief. I-I’ve been so worried." I could hear the tears in my voice, and I forced myself to stop talking and clear my throat before continuing. "I’m glad he felt good enough to get out.” My voice sounded horribly phony as I babbled on.

Diego was better, but not well enough to call me. He was out with friends. I was sitting home, missing him more every hour. I was lonely, worried, bored, perforated; and now also desolate as I realized that the week apart had not had the same effect on him.

“Is there anything in particular you wanted?” Ricardo asked politely.

“No.” I replied slowly, the phone already halfway falling from my hand.

“Well, I’ll tell him that you called,” Ricardo promised. "Bye, Taylor.”

“Bye,” I replied, but he’d already hung up. I stood for a moment with the phone still half stuck in my hand, before I slowly returned the phone to its holder.

I realised then what an idiot I had been. It had been right in front of me the whole time; the avoidance, the whole disappearance scenario. 

Diego must have changed his mind, just like I’d feared he would. Best friend or no, I was too much hassle. He was going to take my advice and not waste any more time on someone who was such a broken, waste of space. I felt the blood run out of my face.

“Something wrong?” Scott asked as he came down the stairs.

“No,” I lied, hanging up the phone. "Ricardo says Diego's feeling better. It wasn’t mono. So that’s good.”

“Is he coming here, or are you going there?” Scott asked absentmindedly as he started poking through the fridge.

“Neither,” I admitted. "He’s out with some other friends.”

The tone of my voice finally caught Scott’s attention. He looked up at me with sudden alarm, his hands frozen around a package of cheese slices.

“Isn’t it a little early for lunch?” I asked as lightly as I could manage, trying to distract him.

“No, I’m just packing something to take out to the river...”

“Oh, fishing today?”

“Well, Charlie called... and it’s not raining.” He was creating a stack of food on the counter as he spoke. Suddenly he looked up again as if he’d just realized something. "Say, did you want me to stay with you, since Diego’s out?”

“That’s okay, Dad,” I said, working to sound indifferent. "The fish bite better when the weather’s nice… and you can check up on Charlie properly, I know you've been worried about him.”

He stared at me, indecision clear on his face. I knew that he was worrying, afraid to leave me alone, in case I got “depressed” again.

“Seriously, Dad. I think I’ll call Zoe,” I fibbed quickly. I’d rather be alone than have him watching me all day. "We have a Programming exam to study for. I could use her help.” That part was true. But I’d have to make do without anyone's help now; though, I really didn't care if I passed at this point.

“That’s a good idea. You’ve been spending so much time with Diego, your other friends are going to think you’ve forgotten them.”

I smiled and nodded as if I cared what my other friends thought. It was hard to associate them with the word friend, anymore. I could make some allowances for Cameron and Myra, perhaps... maybe even Caleb and Aiden, even if I only really spoke to them fleetingly.

Scott started to turn, but then spun back with a worried expression. "Hey, you’ll study here or at Zoe’s, right?”

“Sure, where else?”

“Well, it’s just that I want you to be careful to stay out of the woods, like I told you before.”

"Who the hell studies in the woods?" It took me a minute to understand, distracted as I was. "More bear trouble?”

Scott nodded, frowning. "We’ve got a missing hiker; the rangers found his camp early this morning, but no sign of him. There were some really big animal prints... of course those could have come later, smelling the food. Anyway, they’re setting traps for it now.”

“Oh,” I said vaguely. I wasn’t really listening to his warnings; I was much more upset by the situation with Diego than by the possibility of being eaten by a bear.

I was glad that Scott was in a hurry. He didn’t wait for me to call Zoe, so I didn’t have to put on that charade. I went through the motions of gathering my Programming books on the kitchen table to pack them in my bag; that was probably too much, and if he hadn’t been eager to hit the fishing holes, it might have made him suspicious.

I was so busy looking busy that the ferociously empty day ahead didn’t really crash down on me until after I’d watched him drive away. It only took about two minutes of staring at the silent kitchen phone to decide that I wasn’t staying home today. I considered my options.

I wasn’t going to call Zoe. As far as I was concerned, Zoe had crossed over to the dark side.

I could drive to Hartfeld and get my motorcycle; an appealing thought but for one minor problem. Without my best friend slash cohort in dangerous mischief; who was going to drive me to the emergency room, if I needed it afterward?

Or... I already had our map and compass in the truck. I understood the process well enough to know that I wouldn’t get lost. Maybe I could eliminate two lines today, putting us ahead of schedule for whenever Diego decided to honor me with his presence again. I refused to think about how long that might be. Or if it was going to be never.

I felt a brief twinge of guilt as I realized how Scott would feel about this, but I ignored it. I just couldn’t stay in the house again today.

A few minutes later I was on the familiar dirt road that led to nowhere in particular. I had the windows rolled down and I drove as fast as was healthy for my truck, trying to enjoy the wind against my face. It was cloudy, but almost dry… a very nice day, for Cedar Cove.

Getting started took me a lot less time without Diego. After I parked in the usual spot, I barely glanced at the little needle on the compass face and the markings on the now worn map, pointing myself onto the right line of the web, before immediately setting off into the woods.

The forest was full of life today, all the little creatures enjoying the momentary dryness. Somehow, though, even with the birds chirping and cawing, the insects buzzing noisily around my head, and the occasional scurry of the field mice through the shrubs, the forest seemed creepier today; it reminded me of my most recent nightmare. I knew it was just because I was alone, missing Diego’s carefree whistle and the sound of another pair of feet squishing across the damp ground. 

I'd always enjoyed my time hiking in the woods before. Now the experience was cold, lifeless and colourless, as everything became before Diego had reentered my life; and saved it.

The sense of unease grew stronger the deeper I got into the trees. Breathing started to get more difficult; not because of exertion, but because I was having trouble with the stupid hole in my chest again. I kept my arms tight around my torso and tried to banish the ache from my thoughts. I almost turned around, but I hated to waste the effort I’d already expended getting here and _trying_ to keep myself together.

The rhythm of my footsteps started to numb my mind and my pain as I trudged on. My breathing evened out eventually, and I was glad I hadn’t quit. I was getting better at this denial thing; I could tell I was had pushed all the pain deep enough that I could not only keep going, but also not have to hold my chest quite so tightly.

I didn’t realize quite how much more efficiently I was moving, without being distracted by the flora and fauna; or the general sense of beauty which I always traveled with, when in the woods. Well, before I had started to associate them with him; and consequently went slightly off them. I thought I’d covered maybe four miles, and I wasn’t even starting to look around for it yet. And then, with an abruptness that disoriented me, I stepped through a low arch made by two vine maples; pushing past the chest-high ferns, right into the meadow.

It was the same place, of that I was instantly sure. I’d never seen another clearing so symmetrical. It was as perfectly round as if someone had intentionally created the flawless circle, tearing out the trees but leaving no evidence of that violence in the waving grass. To the east, I could hear the stream bubbling quietly.

The place wasn’t nearly so stunning without the sunlight, but it was still very beautiful and serene. It was the wrong season for wildflowers; the ground was thick with tall grass that swayed in the light breeze like ripples across a lake.

It was the same place… but it didn’t hold what I had been searching for. It was empty; just like me.

The disappointment was nearly as instantaneous as the recognition. I sank down right where I was, kneeling there at the edge of the clearing, beginning to gasp.

What was the point of going any farther? What was the point of anything? Nothing lingered here. Nothing more than the memories that I could have called back whenever I wanted to, if I was ever willing to endure the corresponding pain… the pain that had me now, that held me tight in it's cold and merciless grip. There was nothing special about this place without him. 

I wasn’t exactly sure what I’d hoped to feel here, but the meadow was empty of atmosphere, empty of everything, just like everywhere else. Just like my nightmares. My head swirled dizzily.

At least I’d come alone. I felt a rush of thankfulness as I realized that. If I’d discovered the meadow with Diego... well, there was no way I could have disguised the abyss I was plunging into now. How could I have explained the way I was fracturing into pieces, the way I had to curl into a ball to keep the empty hole from tearing me apart? It was so much better that I didn’t have an audience.

And I wouldn’t have to explain to anyone why I was in such a hurry to leave, either. Diego would have assumed, after going to so much trouble to locate the stupid place, I would want to spend more than a few seconds here; to maybe enjoy the afternoon here. But I was already trying to find the strength to get to my feet again, forcing myself out of the ball so that I could escape. There was too much pain in this empty place to bear… I would crawl all the goddamn way home, if I had to.

How lucky that I was alone!

Alone. I repeated the word with grim satisfaction as I wrenched myself to my feet despite the pain; though I stumbled somewhat in my pained haze. At precisely that moment, a figure stepped out from the trees to the north, some thirty paces away.

A dizzying array of emotions shot through me in a second. The first was surprise; I was far from any trail here, and I didn’t expect company. Then, as my eyes focused on the motionless figure, seeing the utter stillness, the dark but pallid skin, a rush of piercing hope rocked through me. I suppressed it viciously, fighting against the equally sharp lash of agony as my eyes continued to the face beneath the short cropped hair, the face that wasn’t the one I wanted to see. Next was fear; this was not the face I grieved for, but it was close enough for me to know that the man facing me was no stray hiker.

And finally, in the end, recognition.

“Grant!” I cried in surprised pleasure.

It was an irrational response. I really should have just stopped at fear.

Grant had been one of Rex's coven when we’d first met. He hadn’t been involved with the hunt that followed, the hunt where I was the quarry; but that was only because he was afraid. I was protected by a bigger coven than his own. It would have been different if that wasn’t the case; he’d had no compunctions, at the time, against making a meal of me. Of course, he must have changed, because he’d gone to the Ural Mountains to live with the other civilized coven there, the other family that refused to drink human blood for ethical reasons. The other family like... but I couldn’t let myself think the name.

Yes, fear would have made more sense, but all I felt was an overwhelming satisfaction. The meadow was a magic place again. A darker magic than I’d expected, to be sure, but magic all the same. Here was the connection I’d sought. The proof, however remote, that; somewhere in the same world where I lived... he did exist.

It was impossible how exactly the same Grant looked. I suppose it was very silly and human to expect some kind of change in any space of time, especially the brief months which would no doubt seem only a brief blink of the eye to them. But there was something… wrong. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.

“Taylor?” he asked, looking even more astonished than I felt.

“You remember.” I smiled. It was ridiculous that I should be so elated because a vampire knew my name. It made me seem far more important; than I really was. I'd already been made more than aware of my own importance. I shouldn't forget again.

He grinned. "I didn’t expect to see you here.” He strolled toward me, his expression bemused.

“Isn’t it the other way around? I do live here. I thought you’d gone to Russia.”

He stopped about ten paces away, cocking his head to the side. His face was the most beautiful face I’d seen in what felt like an eternity. I studied his features with a strangely greedy sense of release. Here was someone I didn’t have to pretend for… someone who already knew everything I could never say.

“You’re right,” he agreed. "I did go to Russia. Still, I didn’t expect... When I found the Darwin place empty, I thought perhaps they’d moved on.”

“Oh.” I bit my lip as the name set the raw edges of my wound throbbing. It took me a second to compose myself. Grant waited with inhuman patience and curious eyes.

“They... did move on,” I finally managed to tell him.

“Hmm,” he murmured. "I’m surprised they left you behind. Weren’t you sort of a pet of theirs?” His eyes were innocent of any intended offense.

I smiled wryly. “Something like that, I guess.”

“Hmm,” he said, thoughtful again.

At that precise moment, I realized why he looked the same; too much the same. After Mike told us that Grant had stayed with Raj’s family, I’d begun to picture him, on the rare occasions that I thought of him at all, with the same gentle eyes that the... Darwin’s; I forced the name out with a painful wince, had. That all good vampires had.

I took an involuntary step back, and his curious, dark red eyes followed the movement.

“Do they visit often?” he asked, still casual, but his weight shifted toward me.

“ _Lie_ ,” the beautiful, rough velvet voice whispered anxiously from my memory.

I started at the sound of his voice, but it shouldn’t have surprised me. Was I not in the worst danger imaginable to him now? The motorcycle was safe as kittens next to this.

I did what the voice said to do.

“Now and again.” I worked to make my voice light, relaxed. “The time seems longer to me, I imagine. You know how they get distracted...” I smiled dismissively and spread my palms as I privately worked to shut myself up.

“Hmm,” he said again.”The house smelled like it had been vacant for a while...”

“ _Better’n that, Boy Scout_!” the voice urged.

I tried to obey the voice, but I was severely hampered by the aching chasm in my chest; ripped raw at the nickname he’d once said so affectionately to me. “I’ll have to mention to Mike that you stopped by. He’ll be sorry they missed your visit.” I pretended to deliberate for a second; knowing what I had to do, but also knowing that I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from breaking down again if I did it. “But I probably shouldn’t mention it to…” I paused, my mind turning blank with the vehement scream of denial; even as my absent heart raced wildly. “ _Jake_ … I suppose.” I barely managed to force his name past my lips, and it twisted my expression on the way out, ruining my bluff. “He has such a temper... well, I’m sure you remember. He’s still touchy about the whole Rex thing.” I rolled my eyes and waved one hand dismissively, like it was all ancient history, but there was an edge of hysteria to my thoughts; which were manic as all my walls began to crumble.

“Is he really?” Laurent asked pleasantly. Sceptically.

I kept my reply short, so that my voice wouldn’t betray my panic. “He is.”

Grant took a casual step to the side, gazing around at the little meadow. I didn’t miss that the step brought him closer to me. In my head, the voice responded with a low snarl.

“So how are things working out in the Ural Mountains? Mike said you were staying with Raj?” My voice was too high.

The question made him pause. “I like Raj very much,” he mused. “And his clan sister, Lila, even more... I’ve never stayed in one place for so long before, and I enjoy the advantages, the novelty of it. But, the restrictions are difficult... I’m surprised that any of them can keep it up for long.” He smiled at me conspiratorially. “Sometimes I cheat.”

I couldn’t swallow. My foot started to ease back, but I froze when his red eyes flickered down to catch the movement.

“Oh,” I said in a faint voice. “Kele has problems with that, too.”

“ _Don’t move_ ,” the voice whispered. I tried to do what he instructed. It was hard; I half wanted to move again just to hear him in my head.

“Really?” Laurent seemed interested. “Is that why they left?”

“No,” I answered honestly. The reason they left was much more painful, not that I’d admit to it. “Kele is more careful at home.”

“Yes,” Grant agreed. “I am, too.”

The step forward he took now was quite deliberate; though I didn’t falter again, holding my ground determinedly.

“Did Jeanine ever find you?” I asked, breathless, desperate to distract him. It was the first question that popped into my head, and I regretted it as soon as the words were spoken. Jeanine, who had hunted me with Rex; and then disappeared, was not someone I wanted to think of at this particular moment.

But the question did stop him.

“Yes,” he said, hesitating on that step. “I actually came here as a favor to her... looking for you.” He made a face. “She won’t be happy about this.”

“That you found me?” I asked with feigned curiosity, inviting him to continue. “I thought that was what she wanted…” He was glaring into the trees, away from me. I took advantage of his diversion, taking a furtive step to the side.

He looked back at me and smiled… the expression made him look like a dark angel.

“Ha, no… about me killing you,” he answered in a seductive purr.

The sudden, frantic growling in my head made it hard to hear, but I barely made out Grant’s guilty sigh.

“She wanted to save that part for herself,” he went on blithely. “She’s sort of... put out with you, Taylor.”

“ _Me_?” I yelped.

He shook his head and chuckled. “I know, it seems a little backward to me, too. But Rex was her mate, and _your_ Jake killed him.”

Even here, on the point of death, his name tore against my unhealed wounds like a serrated edge.

Grant was oblivious to my reaction. “She thought it more appropriate to kill you than Jake… fair turnabout; mate for mate. She asked me to get the lay of the land for her, so to speak; do some surveillance on you. I didn’t imagine you would be so easy to get to as this. So maybe her plan was flawed… apparently it wouldn’t be the revenge she imagined, since you must not mean very much to him if he left you here unprotected.”

Another blow, another tear through my chest. Clearly the only one who was ever fooled by Jake’s regard for me; _was_ me.

Grant’s weight shifted slightly, and I looked down at the floor as the aching hole in my chest throbbed viciously.

He frowned. “I suppose she’ll be angry, all the same.”

“Then why not wait for her?” I choked out.

A mischievous grin rearranged his features. “Well, you’ve caught me at a bad time, Taylor. I didn’t come to this place on Victoria’s mission; I was hunting. I’m quite thirsty, and you do smell... simply mouthwatering.”

Grant looked at me with approval, as if he meant it as a compliment.

“ _Threaten his sorry ass_ ,” the beautiful delusion ordered, his voice distorted with dread.

“He’ll know it was you,” I whispered obediently. “You won’t get away with this.”

“And why not?” Laurent’s smile widened. He gazed around the small opening in the trees. “The scent will wash away with the next rain. No one will find your body… you’ll simply go missing, like so many, many other humans. There’s no reason for Jake to think of me, if he cares enough to investigate. This is nothing personal, let me assure you, Taylor. Just thirst.”

“ _Beg_ ,” my hallucination begged.

“I-” I tried to obey, but the truth was; I couldn’t force the words out. I realised with startling abruptness that I didn’t _want_ to beg for mercy; to keep on going with no end in sight to this, boring and empty life alone. I didn’t want to be without Jake anymore.

Grant seemed to notice the way my nervous hunching and shivering finally abated, understanding that I accepted the end; although I doubted he realised that at this point, I _welcomed_ it. He shook his head, his face kind. “Look at it this way, Taylor. You’re very lucky I was the one to find you.”

“You think?” I mouthed, gazing over at him calmly. My decision was made. I had no reason to be scared anymore.

Grant nodded as he stepped closer, lithe and graceful.

“Yes,” he assured me. “I’ll be very quick. You won’t feel a thing, I promise. Oh, I’ll lie to Jeanine about that later, naturally, just to placate her. But if you knew what she had planned for you, Taylor...” He shook his head with a slow movement, almost as if in disgust. “I swear you’d be thanking me for this.”

I stared at him; and he faltered when I smiled and laughed quietly. He sniffed at the breeze that blew threads of my messier, longer hair in his direction. “Mouthwatering,” he repeated, inhaling deeply and forgetting his hesitation as he continued closer.

I tensed for the spring, my eyes squinting as I cringed away from the expected pain in reflex, and the sound of Jake’s furious roar echoed distantly in the back of my head. His name burst through all the crumbling walls I’d built to contain it. **Jake, Jake, Jake.** I was going to die. It shouldn’t matter if I thought of him now, or if I comforted myself with the care and affection he’d once shown me through my last moments. **Jake, I love you.**

Through my narrowed eyes, I watched as Grant paused in the act of inhaling and whipped his head abruptly to the left. I didn’t want to look away from him, to follow his glance, not wanting to miss the moment he attacked; knowing that to see him would extend the glorious roar in my head

“I don’t believe it,” he said, his voice so low that I barely heard it.

I reluctantly turned to look then. My eyes scanned the meadow, searching for the interruption that had extended my life by a few seconds with a resentful pout. At first I saw nothing, and my gaze flickered back to Grant. He took several quick steps backward, his eyes boring into the forest. “No—” I whimpered pathetically, tears stinging my eyes as my release of the lonely monotony of life continued to back away from me.

Then I saw it; a huge black shape eased out of the trees, quiet as a shadow, and stalked deliberately toward the vampire. It was enormous… as tall as a horse, but thicker, much more muscular. The long muzzle grimaced, revealing a line of dagger-like incisors. A grisly snarl rolled out from between the teeth, rumbling across the clearing like a prolonged crack of thunder.

The bear. Only, it wasn’t a bear at all. Still, this gigantic black monster had to be the creature causing all the alarm. From a distance, anyone would assume it was a bear. What else could be so vast, so powerfully built?

I wished I were lucky enough to see it from a distance. Instead, it padded silently through the grass a mere ten feet from where I stood.

“ _Don’t move a goddamn inch_ ,” Jake’s voice whispered.

I stared at the monstrous creature, my mind boggling as I tried to put a name to it. There was a distinctly canine cast to the shape of it, the way it moved. I could only think of one possibility, locked in shock as I was. Yet I’d never imagined that a wolf could get so big.

Another growl rumbled in its throat, and I shuddered away from the sound.

Grant was backing toward the edge of the trees, and, under the freezing disbelief, confusion swept through me. Why was Grant retreating? I admit, the wolf was monstrous in size, but it was just an animal. What reason would a vampire have for fearing an animal? And Grant _was_ afraid. His eyes were wide with horror, as he stared at the beast.

As if in answer to my question, suddenly the mammoth wolf was not alone. Flanking it on either side, another two gigantic beasts prowled silently into the meadow. One was a deep gray, the other brown, neither one quite as tall as the first. The gray wolf came through the trees only a few feet from me, its eyes locked on Grant.

Before I could even react, two more wolves followed, lined up in a V, like geese flying south. Which meant that the second black monster that shrugged through the brush last was close enough for me to touch.

I gave an involuntary gasp and stepped back… which was the stupidest thing I could have done. I froze again, waiting for the wolves to turn on me, the much weaker of the available prey. I wished that Grant would get on with it and crush the wolf pack; it should be so simple for him. I guessed that, between the two choices before me, being eaten by wolves was almost certainly the worse option.

The wolf closest to me, the second black one to have appeared, turned its head slightly at the sound of my gasp.

The wolf’s eyes were dark, nearly black. It gazed at me for a fraction of a second, the deep eyes seeming too intelligent for a wild animal.

“Diego…” I murmured as it stared at me and cocked its head, sighing with gratitude. "Glad you’re not here, buddy.” I muttered, overwhelmingly pleased again; that at least I’d come here alone, to this fairytale meadow filled with dark monsters. At least Diego wasn’t going to die, too; and I wouldn’t have the death of my best friend on my hands. 

Then another low growl from the leader caused the second black wolf to whip his head around, back toward Grant.

Grant was staring at the pack of monster wolves with unconcealed shock... and fear. The first I could understand. But I was stunned when, without warning, he spun and disappeared into the trees.

He ran away.

The wolves were after him in a second, sprinting across the open grass with a few powerful bounds, snarling and snapping so loudly that my hands flew up instinctively to cover my ears. My eyes snapped closed as I anticipated the end; waiting desperately to hear Jake’s voice in my head and gasping when he remained silent. All sounds of the wolf pack faded with surprising swiftness once they disappeared into the woods.

I opened my eyes to find I was alone again.

“No…” My knees buckled under me, and I fell onto my hands, sobs building in my throat. “No… that's not _fair!_ ”

I knew I needed to leave, and leave now. How long would the wolves chase Grant before they doubled back for me? Or would Grant turn on them? Would he be the one that came looking? I shouldn't take the risk that it would be the wolves... they wouldn't be so kind as to make it less painful.

“Oh please, no…” I couldn’t move, though; my arms and legs were shaking, and I didn’t know how to get back to my feet. My mind couldn’t move past the shock, disbelief or disappointment. I didn’t understand what I’d just witnessed; and I wasn’t sure I even cared.

A vampire should not have run from overgrown dogs like that. What good would their teeth be against his granite skin? “ _Why_..?”

And the wolves should have given Grant a wide berth. Even if their extraordinary size had taught them to fear nothing, it still made no sense that they would pursue him. I doubted his icy marble skin would smell anything like food. Why would they pass up something warm blooded and weak like me to chase after Grant?

I couldn’t make it add up… and I was past caring. “You… _stupid mutts!”_ I roared, a scream of frustration following as I slammed my fists against the ground and sobbed brokenly. “Stupid… stupid _dogs_ and… stupid, puffed up vampire…” I hiccupped, a sign of my distress as I flailed momentarily in a blind fury of disappointment. “Get _back here,_ Grant!” I yelled, glaring across the clearing as my angry tears continued to fall. “F-finish… what you-”

I broke off with a gasp, as a cold breeze whipped through the meadow, swaying the grass like something was moving through it. I looked around hopelessly, knowing the vampire wouldn’t return for me, knowing I was doomed to live through the pain which would consume me once more.

I forced myself to my feet, stumbling backwards slowly as I glanced around; even starting to wish the stupid wolves to come back and finish me off, despite the pain, as opposed to leaving me to suffer through the even worse pain I knew would be coming later tonight. With a resigned sigh, I turned and walked slowly back into the trees.

The next few hours were miserable. It took me three times as long to escape the trees as it had to get to the meadow.

At first I paid no attention to where I was headed, focused only on what I was leaving behind. A chance to have died by the hand of what I had once dreamt to be; of what I had once wished to share with Jake, for all time.

By the time I pulled myself together; enough to remember the compass at least, I was deep in the unfamiliar forest. My hands were shaking so violently that I had to set the compass on the muddy ground to be able to read it. Every few minutes I would stop to put the compass down; and check that I was still heading northwest. When the sounds weren’t hidden behind the despondent squelching of my footsteps, I was sure I could hear the quiet whisper of unseen things moving in the leaves. This only served to fuel my already bad mood.

The call of a jaybird made me start and fall into a thick stand of young spruce, scraping up my arms and tangling my hair with sap. The sudden rush of a squirrel up a hemlock made me trip and no doubt bruise both my knees and elbows when i connected hard with the forest floor; both crying and laughing in my exhausted frustration.

Finally, there was a break in the trees ahead. I came out onto the empty road a mile or so south of where I’d left the truck. Exhausted as I was, I trudged up the lane until I found it. By the time I pulled myself into the cab, I was sobbing again. I sat blankly, appalled by my bad luck to have had two vicious beasts right in front of me; and have neither one of them free me from this hell of broken promises and empty dreams. Eventually I remembered what I was doing sat in my truck at the side of a random road, and I dug my keys out of my pocket. The roar of the engine was comforting and sane. It helped me control the tears as I drove slowly toward the main highway.

I was calmer, but still a mess when I got home. Scott’s cruiser was in the driveway; and I winced. I hadn’t realized how late it was. The sky was already dusky.

“Taylor?” Scott asked when I slammed the front door behind me and turned the locks.

“Yeah, it’s me.” My voice was tired and unsteady.

“Where have you been?” he thundered, appearing through the kitchen doorway with an ominous expression.

"I'm twenty one... you're not entitled to a full recount of my every move in a day." I muttered, about to lie when I hesitated. He’d probably called the Leon's. I sighed and decided I’d better stick to the truth.

“I was hiking,” I admitted.

His eyes were tight. "What happened to going to Zoe’s?”

“I didn’t _feel_ like Pogramming today.” I snapped petulantly.

Scott folded his arms across his chest. "I thought I asked you to stay out of the forest.”

“Yeah, I know. Don’t worry... I won’t go in there again.” I said quietly, thinking of how all my hopes and my desire to live, had effectively been shattered in but a single afternoon.

Scott seemed to really look at me for the first time. I remembered that I had spent some time on the forest floor today; I must be a mess.

“What happened?” Scott demanded.

Again, I decided that the truth, or part of it anyway, was the best option. I was too tired to pretend that I’d spent an uneventful day with the flora and fauna.

“I saw the bear.” I tried to say it calmly, but my voice was low and dull. "It’s not a bear, though... it’s some kind of wolf. And there are five of them. Two big black ones, a brown and a gray, ...”

Scott’s eyes grew round with horror. He strode quickly to me and grabbed the tops of my arms. “Are you okay?”

My head bobbed in a weak nod. I was far from it; but it's not like I could explain anything to him properly, so I figured lying would be the better option to 'no, I kind of wish the big bad wolves had eaten me, like they wanted to the vampire who was finally going to kill me'.

“Tell me what happened.”

“They didn’t pay any attention to me." I sighed, hoping my lack of emotion would pass for shock or stress; as opposed to disappointment. "But after they were gone, I headed back to the truck. I fell down a lot.”

He let go of my shoulders and wrapped his arms around me. For a long moment, he didn’t say anything. “Wolves,” he murmured.

“Hmm?”

“The rangers said the tracks were wrong for a bear... but wolves just don’t get that big...”

“These were huge.”

“How many did you say you saw?”

“Five.”

Scott shook his head, frowning with anxiety, He finally spoke in a tone that allowed no argument. "No more hiking, Tay-Bear.”

“Yeah... okay,” I promised with a tired sigh. Another reckless, opportunity to generate my voice delusion lost.

Scott called the station to report what I’d seen. I fudged a little bit about where exactly I’d seen the wolves... claiming I’d been on the trail that led to the north. I didn’t want my dad to know how deep I’d gone into the forest against his wishes, and, more importantly, I didn’t want anyone wandering near where Grant might be searching for me. The thought of Scott being in danger made me feel sick.

“Are you hungry?” he asked me when he hung up the phone.

I shook my head, though I should have been starving. I hadn’t eaten all day.

“Just tired,” I told him. I turned for the stairs.

“Hey,” Scott said, his voice suddenly suspicious again. "Didn’t you say Diego was gone for the day?”

“That’s what Ricardo said,” I told him, pausing as I turned back and blinked dazedly, confused by his question.

He studied my expression for a minute, and seemed satisfied with what he saw there. “Huh.”

“Why?” I demanded. It sounded like he was implying that I’d been lying to him this morning. About something besides studying with Zoe.

“Well, it’s just that when I went to pick up Charlie, I saw Diego out in front of the store down there with some of his friends. I waved hi, but he... well, I guess I don’t know if he saw me. I think maybe he was arguing with his friends. He looked strange, like he was upset about something. And... different. It’s like you can watch that kid growing! He gets bigger every time I see him.”

“Ricardo said Diego and his friends were going up to Port Royale to see some movies. They were probably just waiting for someone to meet them.”

“Oh.” Scott nodded and headed for the kitchen.

I stood in the hall, thinking about Diego arguing with his friends. I wondered if he had confronted Julian about the situation with Sean. Maybe that was the reason he’d ditched me today... if it meant he could sort things out with Julian, I was glad he had.

I paused to check the locks again before I went to my room. My hand was already halfway to opening the deadbolt before I paused. It was a silly thing to do... to endanger Scott like that. Besides, what difference would a lock make to any of the monsters I’d seen this afternoon? I assumed the handle alone would stymie the wolves, not having opposable thumbs. But if Grant came here... hopefully to finish what he started.

Or... Jeanine. She was less likely to be kind about my death; but I still hoped she would leave Scott alone.

I lay down on my bed, but I was too depressed to hope for sleep. I curled into a cramped ball under my quilt, and faced the horrifying facts.

There was nothing I could do. There were no precautions I could take to protect Scott. There was no place I could hide him, no way to hide his connection to me.

There was no one who could help me.

I realized, with a nauseous roll of my stomach, that the situation was worse than I'd anticipated. Because my father, sleeping one room away from me, was just a hairsbreadth off the heart of the target that was centered on me. My scent would lead them here, whether I was here or not... and chances were not good they wouldn't at least use him as bait. I didn't want him to witness what would come. To see what would become of his son at the hands of monsters.

The tremors started as I imagined what they might do to Scott himself; and they then rocked through me until my teeth chattered.

To calm myself, I fantasized the impossible: I imagined the big wolves catching up to Grant in the woods and massacring the indestructible immortal the way they would any normal person. Despite the absurdity of such a vision, the idea comforted me. If the wolves got him, then he couldn’t tell Jeanine I was here all alone. If he didn’t return, maybe she’d think the Darwin's were still protecting me. If only the wolves could win such a fight... at least Scott would be safe then. 

My good vampires were never coming back; how soothing it was to imagine that the other kind could also disappear and leave my father alone.

I would force myself to endure the bitter, consuming loneliness, to make sure they did.

I squeezed my eyes tight together and waited for unconsciousness... almost eager for my nightmare to start. Better that than the pale, beautiful face that smiled at me now from behind my lids.

In my imagination, Jeanine’s eyes were black with thirst, bright with anticipation, and her lips curled back from her gleaming teeth in pleasure. Her red dreadlocks were as brilliant as fire; and they blew chaotically around her wild face.

Grant’s words repeated in my head. If you knew what she had planned for you...

I pressed my fist against my mouth to keep from screaming; and instead cried myself into blissful, empty oblivion.


	11. Brotherhood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is everybody ready to see Taylor hit rock bottom? No?  
> Good; we're on the same page then XD
> 
> That said, this has been epic to adapt and rework. I (We) always loved Twilight, but turning it to Jaylor made me (us) love it infinitely more.
> 
> It also helps to fix the things I (we) didn't necessarily like regarding the plot.
> 
> Please let us know what you think, too.
> 
> Our love to you all  
> ✲ﾟ｡.(✿╹◡╹)ﾉ♡.｡₀:*ﾟ✲ﾟ

**Brotherhood**

Each time that I opened my eyes to the morning light and realized I’d lived through another night was a surprise to me. After the surprise wore off, the brief but inescapable disappointment would set in. Then my heart would start to race and my palms would begin to sweat; I couldn’t really breathe again until I’d gotten up and ascertained that Scott had survived as well.

I could tell he was worried; watching me jump at any loud sound, or my face suddenly go white for no reason that he could see. From the questions he asked now and then, he seemed to blame the change on Diego’s continued absence.

The terror that was always foremost in my thoughts usually distracted me from the fact that another three days had passed, and Diego still hadn’t called me. But when I was able to concentrate on my normal life; if my life was really ever normal, this upset me.

I missed him horribly.

It had been bad enough to be alone before I was scared silly for my father's life. Now, more than ever, I yearned for his carefree laugh and his infectious grin. I needed the safe sanity of his homemade garage and his warm hand around my cold fingers, of watching stupid shows and having to feed him constantly.

I’d half expected him to call Sunday morning. If there had been some progress with Julian, wouldn’t he want to report it? I wanted to believe that it was worry for his friend that was occupying all his time, not that he was just giving up on me.

I called him in the evening Sunday, but no one answered. Were the phone lines still having problems again? Or had Ricardo invested in caller I. D. to avoid me?

On Monday I called every half hour after I got home from college; until after eleven at night, desperate to hear the warmth of Diego’s voice.

Tuesday I sat in my truck in front of my house; keys in hand, for a solid hour. I was arguing with myself, trying to justify a quick trip to Hartfeld, but I couldn’t do it.

I knew that Grant would have gone back to Jeanine by now. If I went to Hartfeld, I took the chance of leading one of them there. What if they caught up to me when Diego was nearby? As much as it hurt me, I knew it was better for Diego that he was avoiding me. Safer for him.

It was bad enough that I couldn’t figure out a way to keep Scott safe. Nighttime was the most likely time that they would come looking for me, and what could I say to get Scott out of the house? If I told him the truth, he’d have me locked up in a rubber room somewhere. I would have endured that; welcomed it even, if it could have kept him safe. But Jeanine would still come to his house first, looking for me. Maybe, if she found me here, that would be enough for her. Maybe she would just leave when she was done with me.

So I couldn’t run away. Even if I could, where would I go? To Julia and Jordan? I shuddered at the thought of dragging my lethal shadows into my mother’s safe, sunny world. I would never endanger her that way; and I wasn't willing to let Jordan be used against me again, as Rex had. Not to mention, my brother still wasn't speaking to me; and Michael hadn't replied to my email.

The worry was eating a hole in my stomach. Soon I would have matching punctures.

That night, Scott did me another favor and called Charlie again to see if the Soto's were out of town. Charlie reported that Ricardo had attended the council meeting Wednesday night, and never mentioned anything about leaving. Scott warned me not to make a nuisance of myself; that Diego would call when he got around to it.

Wednesday afternoon, as I drove home from college, it hit me out of the blue.

I wasn’t paying attention to the familiar road, letting the sound of the engine deaden my brain and silence the worries, when my subconscious delivered a verdict it must have been working on for some time without my knowledge.

As soon as I thought of it, I felt really stupid for not seeing it sooner. Sure. I’d had a lot on my mind; revenue-obsessed vampires, giant mutant wolves, a ragged hole in the center of my chest… but when I laid the evidence out, it was embarrassingly obvious.

Diego avoiding me. Scott saying he looked strange, upset. Ricardo's vague, unhelpful answers.

Holy shit, I knew exactly what was going on with Diego.

It was Sean Gayle.

Even my nightmares had been trying to tell me that. Sean had gotten to Diego. Whatever was happening to the other boys on the reservation; had reached out and stolen my best friend. He’d been sucked into Sean’s cult.

He hadn’t given up on me at all, I realized with a rush of feeling.

I let my truck idle in front of my house. What should I do? I weighed the dangers against each other.

If I went looking for Diego, I risked the chance of Jeanine or Grant finding me with him.

If I didn’t go after him, Sean would pull him deeper into his frightening, compulsory gang. Maybe it would be too late if I didn’t act soon.

It had been a week, and no vampires had come for me yet. A week was more than enough time for them to have returned, so I must not be a priority. Most likely, as I’d decided before, they would come for me at night. The chances of them following me to Hartfeld were much lower than the chance of losing Diego to Sean.

It was worth the danger of the secluded forest road. This was no idle visit to see what was going on. I knew what was going on. This was a rescue mission. I was going to talk to Diego; kidnap him if I had to. I’d once seen a show on deprogramming the brainwashed. There had to be some kind of cure.

I decided I’d better call Scott first. Maybe whatever was going on down in Hartfeld was something the police should be involved in. I dashed inside, in a hurry to be on my way.

Scott answered the phone it the station himself.

“Chief Lee.”

“Dad, it’s Taylor.”

“What’s wrong?'”

I couldn’t argue with his doomsday assumption this time. My voice was shaking. “I’m worried about Diego.”

“Why?” he asked, surprised by the unexpected topic.

“I think... I think something weird is going on down at the reservation. Diego told me about some strange stuff happening with the other guys his age. Now he’s acting the same way and I’m scared.”

“What kind of stuff?” He used his professional, police business voice. That was good; he was taking me seriously.

“First he was scared, and then he was avoiding me, and now... I’m afraid he’s part of that bizarre gang down there, Sean’s gang. Sean Gayle...”

“Sean Gayle?” Scott repeated, surprised again.

“Yes.”

Scott’s voice was more relaxed when he answered. "I think you’ve got it wrong, Tay-Bear. Sean Gayle is a great kid. Well, he’s a man now. A good son. You should hear Ricardo talk about him. He’s really doing wonders with the youth on the reservation. He’s the one who...” Scott broke off mid-sentence, and I guessed that he had been about to make a reference to the night I’d gotten lost in the woods.

I moved on quickly. “Dad, it’s not like that. Diego was scared of him. Really scared.”

“Did you talk to Ricardo about this?” He was trying to soothe me now.

I’d lost him as soon as I’d mentioned Sean. “Ricardo's not concerned.”

“Well, Taylor, then I’m sure it’s okay. Diego’s a good guy; he was probably just messing around. I’m sure he’s fine. He can’t spend every waking minute with you, after all.”

“This isn’t about _me_ ,” I insisted, but the battle was lost.

“I don’t think you need to worry about this. Let Ricardo take care of Diego.”

“Dad...” My voice was starting to sound whiny and childish.

“Taylor, I got a lot on my plate right now. Two tourists have gone missing off a trail outside crescent lake.” There was an anxious edge to his voice. "This wolf problem is getting out of hand.”

I was momentarily distracted; stunned, really, by his news. There was no way the wolves could have survived a match-up with Laurent.

“Are you sure that’s what happened to them?” I asked.

“Afraid so, Tay-Bear. There was...” He hesitated. "There were tracks again, and... some blood this time.”

“Oh!” It must not have come to a confrontation, then. Grant must have simply outrun the wolves, but why? What I’d seen in the meadow just got stranger and stranger… more impossible to understand.

“Look, I really have to go. Don’t worry about Diego, Taylor. I’m sure it’s nothing.”

“Fine,” I said curtly, frustrated as his words reminded me of the more urgent crisis at hand. "Bye.” I hang up.

I stared at the phone for a long minute. What the hell, I decided.

Ricardo answered after two rings.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Ricardo,” I sing-songed pleasantly. I worked to keep my voice sounding friendly as I continued. I'd played this game with Ricardo once before. "Can I talk to Diego, please?”

“Diego’s not here.”

I am Jack's unyielding shock. "Do you know where he is?”

“He’s out with his friends.” Ricardo’s voice was careful.

“Oh, is he with hanging out with Tom?” I was pleased when the words came out so natural and polite.

“No,” Ricardo said slowly. "I don’t think he’s with Tom today.”

I knew better than to mention Sean’s name.

“Julian?” I asked, carefully making my voice curious and thoughtful.

Ricardo seemed happier to answer this one. "Yeah, he’s with Julian.”

That was enough for me. Julian was one of them.

“Well, have him call me when he gets in, all right?”

“Sure, sure. No problem.” Click.

“See you soon, Ricardo,” I muttered into the dead phone.

I drove to Hartfeld determined to wait. I’d sit out front of his house all night if I had to. I’d miss college. Diego was going to have to come home sometime, and when he did, he was going to have to talk to me.

My mind was so preoccupied that the trip I’d been terrified of making seemed to take only a few seconds. Before I was expecting it, the forest began to thin, and I knew I would soon be able to see the first little houses of the reservation.

Walking away, along the left side of the road, was a tall boy with a baseball cap.

My breath caught for just a moment in my throat, hopeful that luck was with me for once, and I’d stumbled across Diego without hardly trying. But this boy was too wide, and the hair was tucked into a weirdly hot man bun under the hat. Even from behind, I was sure it was Tom, though he looked bigger than the last time I’d seen him. What was with the Taíno men? Were they feeding them experimental growth hormones?

I crossed over to the wrong side of the road to stop next to him. He looked up when the roar of my truck approached.

Tom’s expression frightened me more than it surprised me. His face was bleak, brooding, his forehead creased with worry. “Oh, hey, Taylor,” he greeted me dully.

“Hi, Tom... Are you okay?”

He stared at me morosely. "Fine.”

“Can I give you a ride somewhere?” I offered.

“Sure, I guess,” he mumbled. He shuffled around the front of the truck and opened the passenger door to climb in.

“Where to?”

“My house is on the north side, back behind the store,” he told me.

“Have you seen Diego today.” The question burst from me almost before he’d finished speaking.

I looked at Tom eagerly, waiting for his answer. He stared out the windshield for a second before he spoke. "From a distance,” he finally said.

“A distance?” I echoed.

“I tried to follow them… he was with Julian and Andy.” His voice was low, hard to hear over the engine. I leaned closer. "I know they saw me. But they turned and just disappeared into the trees. I don’t think they were alone… I think Sean and the rest of his crew might have been with them." He paused and sighed, shaking his head slowly. "I’ve been stumbling around in the forest for an hour, yelling for them. I just barely found the road again when you drove up.”

"Andy? The guy who almost bit your head off once..?" I asked with a frown, curious why Tom would care about him enough to mention him by name. 

"Andy and I were best friends growing up." Tom explained tiredly. "He was the first of my friends to disappear on me… but not the last, it seems. Makes me wonder if it's something about me, ya know?"

More than he knew, not that I was about to admit that. “So Sean did get to him.” The words were a little distorted; my teeth grit tightly together as I gripped the steering wheel.

Tom stared at me. "You know about that...?”

I nodded. "Diego told me... before.”

“Before,” Tom repeated, and sighed.

“Diego’s just as bad as the others now?”

“Never leaves Sean’s side.” Tom turned his head and spit out the open window.

“And before that... did he avoid everyone? Was he acting upset?”

His voice was low and rough. "Not for as long as the others. Maybe a day. Then Sean caught up with him.”

“What do you think it is? Drugs or something?”

“I can’t see Diego or Julian getting into anything like that... but what do I know? What else could it be? And why aren’t the old people worried?” He shook his head, and the fear showed in his eyes now. "Diego didn’t want to be a part of this... cult. I don’t understand what could change his mind.” He stared at me, his face frightened. "I don’t want to be next.”

My eyes mirrored his fear. That was the second time I’d heard it described as a cult. I shivered. "Are your parents any help?”

He grimaced. "Right. My grandfather’s on the council with Diego’s dad. Sean Gayle is the best thing that ever happened to this place, as far as he’s concerned.”

We stared at each other for a prolonged moment. We were in Hartfeld now, and my truck was barely crawling along the empty road. I could see the village’s only store not too far ahead.

“I’ll get out now,” Tom said. "My house is right over there.” He gestured toward the small wooden rectangle behind the store. I pulled over to the shoulder, and he jumped out.

“I’m going to go wait for Diego,” I told him in a hard voice.

“Good luck.” He slammed the door and shuffled forward along the road, his head bent forward, his shoulders slumped.

Tom’s face haunted me as I made a wide U-turn and headed back toward the Soto's. He was terrified of being next. What was happening here?

I stopped in front of Diego’s house, killing the motor and rolling down the windows. It was stuffy today, no breeze. I put my feet up on the dashboard and settled in to wait.

A movement flashed in my peripheral vision. I turned and spotted Ricardo looking at me through the front window with a confused expression. I waved cheerfully and smiled, but stayed where I was.

His eyes narrowed; he let the curtain fall across the glass.

I was prepared to stay as long as it took, but I wished I had something to do. I dug up a pen out of the bottom of my backpack, and an old Programming exam; which I was unsurprised to see I had failed. I started to doodle on the back of the scrap.

I’d only had time to scrawl one row of diamonds when there was a sharp tap against my door.

I jumped, looking up, expecting Ricardo.

“What are you doing here, Taylor. ‘” Diego sighed, his tone resigned but frustrated.

I stared at him in blank astonishment.

Diego had changed radically in the few days since I’d seen him. The first thing I noticed was his hair; his beautiful hair was all gone, cropped quite short, covering his head with an inky gloss like black satin. The planes of his face seemed to have hardened subtly, tightened... aged. His neck and his shoulders were different, too, thicker somehow. His hands, where they gripped the window frame, looked enormous, with the tendons and veins more prominent under the tanned skin. But the physical changes were insignificant.

It was his expression that made him almost completely unrecognizable. The open, friendly smile was gone like the hair, the warmth in his eyes altered to a brooding resentment that was instantly disturbing. There was a darkness in Diego now. Like my sun had imploded.

“Diego?” I whispered.

He just stared at me, his eyes tense and angry.

I realized we weren’t alone. Behind him stood four others; all tall and tanned, black hair chopped short just like Diego’s. They could have been brothers… I couldn’t even pick Julian out of the group. The resemblance was only intensified by the strikingly similar hostility in every pair of eyes.

Every pair but one. The youngest by only months, Sean stood in the very back, his skin darker than the others; but his face serene and sure. I had to swallow back the bile that rose in my throat. I wanted to take a swing at him. No, I wanted to do more than that. More than anything, I wanted to be fierce and deadly, someone no one would dare mess with. Someone who would scare Sean Gayle silly.

I wanted to be a vampire.

The violent desire caught me off guard and knocked the wind out of me. It was the most forbidden of all wishes; even when I only wished it for a malicious reason like this, to gain an advantage over an enemy... because it was the most painful. That future was lost to me forever, had never really been within my grasp. Jake had never wanted me that way. I scrambled to regain control of myself while the hole in my chest ached hollowly.

“What do you want?” Diego demanded, his expression growing more resentful as he watched the play of emotion across my face.

“I want to talk to you,” I said in a weak voice. I tried to focus, but I was still reeling against the escape of my taboo dream.

“Go ahead,” he hissed through his teeth. His glare was vicious. I’d never seen him look at anyone like that, least of all me. It hurt with a surprising intensity... a physical pain, a stabbing in my head.

“ _Alone_!” I hissed back, and my voice was stronger.

He looked behind him, and I knew where his eyes would go. Every one of them was turned for Sean’s reaction.

Sean nodded once, his face unperturbed. He made a brief comment in an unfamiliar, liquid language… I could only be positive that it wasn’t French or Spanish, but I guessed that it was Taíno. He turned and walked into Diego’s house. The others, Andy, Kyle, and Julian, I assumed, followed him in.

“Okay.” Diego seemed a bit less furious when the others were gone. His face was a little calmer, but also more hopeless. His mouth seemed permanently pulled down at the corners. "There you go. Alone."

I took a deep breath. "You know what I want to know.”

He didn’t answer. He just stared at me bitterly.

I stared back and the silence stretched on. The pain in his face unnerved me. I felt a lump beginning to build in my throat.

“Can we walk and talk?” I asked while I could still speak.

He didn’t respond in any way; his face didn’t change.

I got out of the car, feeling unseen eyes behind the windows on me, and started walking toward the trees to the north. My feet squished in the damp grass and mud beside the road, and, as that was the only sound, at first I thought he wasn’t following me. But when I glanced around, he was right beside me, his feet having somehow found a less noisy path than mine.

I felt better in the fringe of trees, where Sean couldn’t possibly be watching. As we walked, I struggled for the right thing to say, but nothing came. I just got more and more angry that Diego had gotten sucked in... that Ricardo had allowed this; that Sean was able to stand there so assured and calm.

Diego suddenly picked up the pace, striding ahead of me easily with his long legs, and then swinging around to face me, planting himself in my path so I would have to stop too.

I was distracted by the overt grace of his movement. Diego had been nearly as klutzy as me with his never-ending growth spurt. When did that changed?

But Diego didn’t give me time to think about it. “Let’s get this over with,” he said in a hard, husky voice.

I waited. He knew what I wanted.

“It’s not what you think.” His voice was abruptly weary. "It’s not what _I_ thought… I was way off.”

“So what is it, then?”

He studied my face for a long moment, speculating. The anger never completely left his eyes, resentment blazing as he eyed me. "I can’t tell you,” he finally said.

My jaw tightened, and I spoke through my teeth. "I thought we were friends.”

“We _were_.” There was a slight emphasis on the past tense.

“But you don’t need friends anymore,” I said sourly. "You have Sean. Isn’t that nice… you always looked up to him so much.”

“I didn’t understand him before.”

“And now you’ve seen the light. Joy of joys.”

“It wasn’t like I thought it was. This isn’t Sean’s fault. He’s helping me as much as he can.” His voice turned brittle and he looked over my head, past me, rage burning out from his eyes.

“He’s helping you,” I repeated dubiously. "Naturally.”

But Diego didn’t seem to be listening. He was taking deep, deliberate breaths, trying to calm himself. He was so mad that his hands were shaking.

“Diego, please,” I whispered "Won’t you tell me what happened? I know, I can't do much but… maybe I can help, at least a little.”

“No one can help me now.” The words were a soft moan; his voice broke.

“What the hell did he _do_ to you?” I demanded, tears collecting in my eyes. I reached out to him, as I had once before, stepping forward with my hand stretched toward him.

This time he cringed away, holding his hands up defensively. " _Don’t touch me_ ,” he whispered.

“Is Sean catching?” I mumbled. The stupid tears had escaped the corners of my eyes. I wiped them away with the back of my hand, and folded my arms across my chest as I scowled.

“Stop blaming Sean.” The words came out fast, like a reflex. His hands reached up to twist around the hair that was no longer there, and then fell limply at his sides.

“Then who should I blame?” I retorted.

He half smiled; but it was a bleak, twisted thing. “You don’t want to hear that.”

“The hell I don’t!” I snapped. "I want to know, and I want to know now.” I only barely stopped myself from stamping my foot, settling instead for lifting my hands to my hair and scrubbing it back from my forehead irritably. "You decided you couldn't respond to a goddamn text, phone me back; couldn't give me two damn words from _you_ … even just 'I'm okay' was too fucking much?!"

“You’re wrong,” he snapped back, though he looked grieved briefly at my hateful words.

“Don’t you _dare_ tell me I’m wrong, Diego Soto! I’m not the one who got brainwashed and _abandoned you_!" I hissed, ignoring the dumb tears on my face as I stared at him, my absent heart cracking; wherever it was hiding. "Tell me now whose fault this all is, if it’s not your precious Sean!”

“You asked for it,” he sighed at me, eyes glinting and growing harder as he tried to scowl and barely managed a pained grimace. "If you want to blame someone, why don’t you point your finger at those filthy, reeking bloodsuckers that you love so much?”

My mouth fell open and my breath came out with a whooshing sound. I was frozen in place, stabbed through with his double-edged words. The pain twisted in familiar patterns through my body, the jagged hole ripping me open from the inside out, but it was second place, background music to the chaos of my thoughts. I couldn’t believe that I’d heard him correctly. There was no trace of indecision in his face. Only fury.

My mouth still hung wide.

“I told you that you didn’t want to hear it,” he said.

“I don’t understand who you mean,” I whispered automatically. The secret wasn’t mine to tell. Just because they didn’t want me; didn't change that. This was one promise I could not cheat with.

He raised one eyebrow in disbelief. "I think you understand exactly who I mean. You’re not going to make me say it, are you? I don’t _like_ hurting you, Taylor”

“Got a funny way of showing it, jerk… it's all you've done since you disappeared." I said distantly, only vaguely aware of his guilty flinch at my words. I blinked and straightened, shaking my head determinedly as I forced back the pain I felt and tried to sound sincere. "I don’t understand who you mean,” I repeated.

“The _Darwin's_ ,” he said slowly, drawing out the word, scrutinizing my face as he spoke it. "I saw that… I can see in your eyes what it does to you when I say their name.”

I shook my head back and forth in denial, trying to clear it at the same time. How did he know this? And how did it have anything to do with Sean’s cult? Was it a gang of vampire-haters? What was the point of forming such a society when no vampires lived in Cedar Cove anymore? Why would Diego start believing the stories about the Darwin's now, when the evidence of them was long gone, never to return?

It took me too long to come up with the correct response. "Don’t tell me you’re listening to Ricardo's superstitious nonsense now,” I said with a roll of my eyes, a feeble attempt at mockery when my chest was currently caving in.

“He knows more than I gave him credit for.”

“Be serious, Diego.”

He glared at me, his eyes critical.

“Superstitions aside,” I said quickly. "I still don’t see what you’re accusing the, the Darwin's...” I winced, as I forced the name past my lips. "... of. They left _months_ ago. How can you blame them for what Sean is doing now?”

“Sean isn’t doing anything, Taylor. And I know they’re gone. But sometimes... things are set in motion; and then it’s too late.”

“What’s set in motion? What’s too late? _What are you blaming them for_?”

He was suddenly right in my face, his fury glowing in his eyes. "For _existing_ ,” he hissed.

I was surprised and distracted as the warning words came in Jake’s voice again, when I wasn’t even scared.

“ _Shut the hell up, Taylor. Don’t push him,_ ” Jake cautioned in my ear.

Ever since Jake’s name had broken through the careful walls I’d buried it behind, I’d been unable to lock it up again. It didn’t hurt now… not during the precious seconds when I could hear his voice. The lain for _that_ would come later.

Diego was fuming in front of me, quivering with anger.

I didn’t understand why the Jake delusion was unexpectedly in my mind. Diego was livid, but he was Diego. There was no adrenaline, no danger.

“ _Let him cool off_ ,” Jake’s voice insisted.

I shook my head in confusion. "You’re being ridiculous,” I told them both quietly, my hand half rising to my head as I frowned at the ground.

“Fine,” Diego answered, breathing deeply again. "I won’t argue it with you. It doesn’t matter anyway, the damage is done.”

“What damage?” He didn’t flinch as I shouted the words in his face, too confused and hurt by everything to understand.

“Let’s head back. There’s nothing more to say.”

I gaped. "There’s everything more to say! You haven’t _said_ anything yet!”

He walked past me, striding back toward the house.

“I ran into Tom today,” I yelled after him.

He paused mid-step, but didn’t turn.

“You remember your friend, Tom? Yeah, he’s terrified.”

Diego whirled to face me. His expression was pained. "Tom” was all he said.

"Of course… Tom, he cares about." I muttered to myself bitterly. It was hard not to take it personally at this point. First Jake… now Diego; what was it about me that drove people away from me? “He’s worried about you, too. He’s freaked out… losing Andy, then Julian; now you.” I continued quietly, swallowing back the fresh wave of grief which threatened to consume me.

Diego stared past me with desperate eyes.

I goaded him further. "He’s frightened that he’s next.”

Diego clutched at a tree for support, his face turning a strange shade of green under the red-brown surface. "He won’t be next,” Diego muttered to himself. "He can’t be. It’s over now. This shouldn’t still be happening. Why? _Why_?” His fist slammed against the tree. It wasn’t a big tree, slender and only a few feet taller than Diego. But it still surprised me when the trunk gave way and snapped off loudly under his blows.

Diego stared at the sharp, broken point with shock that quickly turned to horror.

“I have to get back.” He whirled and stalked away so swiftly that I had to jog to keep up.

“Back to Sean!”

“That’s one way of looking at it,” it sounded like he said. He was mumbling and facing away from me.

I chased him back to the truck. "Wait, Diego!” I called as he turned toward the house.

He spun around to face me, and I saw that his hands were shaking again. “Go _home_ , Taylor. I can’t hang out with you anymore.”

The silly, inconsequential hurt was incredibly potent. The tears welled up again. "What happened to best friends forever?” What Diego and I had was more than any childhood friendship. Stronger. We were closer to brothers; just without the DNA to link us. "You're gonna throw away our entire friendship, for… _this_?"

He barked out a bitter laugh. "Taylor, you forgot I even existed _twice_ in your life, this is hardly some tragedy...” He said, though his voice trailed off when I winced.

“Diego... why? Sean won’t let you have other friends? Please, Diego. You _promised_. I need you!” The blank emptiness of my life before Diego brought some semblance of reason back into it, reared up and confronted me. Loneliness choked in my throat.

“I’m sorry, Taylor,” Diego said each word distinctly in a cold voice that didn’t seem to belong to him and certainly didn't sound in the least sorry.

I didn’t believe that this was really what Diego wanted to say. It seemed like there was something else trying to be said through his angry eyes, but I couldn’t understand the message.

Maybe this wasn’t about Sean at all. Maybe this had nothing to do with the Darwin's. Maybe he was just trying to pull himself out of a hopeless situation. Maybe I should let him do that, if that’s what was best for him. I should do that. It would be right. I was probably as much of a drag as a best friend than I apparently had been as a boyfriend.

I heard my voice escaping in a whisper. “Promises, promises… so many promises.” I muttered, shaking my head as I scrubbed my hand over my eyes. "Broken promises all around; and I'm the only fool still keeping them…"

His face went from anger to agony in a second. One shaking hand reached out toward me.

“No. Don’t think like that, Taylor, please. Don’t blame yourself, don’t think this is your fault. This one is _all_ me. I swear, it’s not about you.”

“It’s not you, it’s me,” I laughed; and I realised somewhere very distant that the hysteria was setting in. My bleak future without Jake had been bad, but Diego had saved me and given me hope I could live some semi normal life… but now he was gone too. "Oh god… why'd those stupid wolves have to ruin everything?” I shook my head as I sighed and made to move around him, heading back to my truck. This was all pointless now.

“I mean it, Taylor. I’m not...” Diego struggled, his voice going even huskier as he fought to control his emotions. His eyes were tortured and touched by panic, as he turned and laid his hand gently on my wrist; only for me to shrug him off violently. "I’m not good enough to be your friend anymore... I’m not what I was before. I’m not _good_.”

“Ha, you know, that's the second time I've heard that this year..?” I stared at him blankly, partly amused by the consistency in the loss of my loved ones, before I grew confused and appalled. "You know that’s a vicious lie, Diego… You're an idiot if you think that. And if that's what _they_ said—” I scoffed, gesturing to the house where his new friends were waiting.

Diego’s face went hard and flat. "No one had to tell me anything. I know what I am.”

“You’re my friend, that’s what you are! Sorry… _were_." I sneered, my stupid tears running freely as I stared at Diego brokenly. There would be no coming back again this time. I knew that; and I was abruptly relieved that Jeanine was looking for me.

I realised Diego was backing away from me. “I’m sorry, Taylor,” he said again; this time it was a broken mumble. He turned and almost ran into the house.

I was unable to move from where I stood. I stared at the little house; it looked too small to hold six large men. There was no reaction inside. No flutter at the edge of the curtain, no sound of voices or movement. It faced me vacantly.

The rain started to drizzle, stinging here and there against my skin. I couldn’t take my eyes off the house. Diego wouldn't come back. I knew he wouldn't; but for some reason, I couldn't move away.

The rain picked up, and so did the wind. The drops were no longer falling from above; they slanted at an angle from the west. I could smell the brine from the ocean. My hair whipped against my forehead, sticking to the wet places stinging like whip lashes. I tried to move. I failed.

Finally the door opened, and I took a breath for what felt like the first time since Diego had left me here. I knew I should have been hopeful, relieved; something… but I wasn't. I wasn't even surprised when Ricardo rolled his chair into the door frame. I could see no one behind him.

“Scott just called, Taylor. I told him you were on your way home.” His eyes were full of pity.

The pity made it sink in somehow. I didn’t comment. I just turned robotically and climbed in my truck. I’d left the windows open and the seats were slick and wet. It didn’t matter. I was already soaked.

**Not as bad! Not as bad!**

My mind tried to comfort me. It was true. This wasn’t as bad. This wasn’t the end of the world, not again. This was just the end of what little peace there was left behind. That was all.

Not as bad, I agreed, then added, but bad enough.

I’d thought Diego had been healing the hole in me… or at least plugging it up, keeping it from hurting me so much. I’d been wrong. He’d just been carving out his own hole, so that I was now riddled through like Swiss cheese. I wondered why I didn’t crumble into pieces.

Scott was waiting on the porch. As I rolled to a stop, he walked out to meet me.

“Ricardo called. He said you got in a fight with Diego… said you were pretty upset,” he explained as he opened my door for me.

Then he looked at my face. A kind of horrified recognition registered in his expression. I tried to feel my face from the inside out, to know what he was seeing. My face felt empty and cold, and I realized what it would remind him of.

“That’s not exactly how it happened,” I muttered. "A fight involves two people who give a shit, not just one pleading and one... " I didn’t know how to finish and I didn’t care, letting the sentence hang emptily in the air.

Scott blinked in surprise; and I tried to remember if I had ever actually sworn in front of him before. Scott put his arm around me and helped me out of the car. He didn’t comment on my sodden clothes. “Then what did happen..?” He asked when we were inside. He pulled the afghan off the back of the sofa as he spoke and wrapped it around my shoulders.

I realized I was shivering still. My voice was lifeless. "Diego can’t be my friend anymore.”

Scott shot me a strange look. "Who told you that?”

“Diego,” I stated, it was heavily edited from what he’d actually said. It was still true enough.

Scott’s eyebrows pulled together. "You really think there’s something wrong with the Gayle kid?” I was surprised he remembered the name from when I had called earlier.

“Doesn't matter now.” I could hear the water from my clothes dripping to the floor and splashing on the linoleum. "I’m going to go change.”

Scott was lost in thought. "Okay...” he said absently.

I decided to take a shower because I was so cold, but the hot water didn’t seem to affect the temperature of my skin. I stood beneath the fierce stream of water, staring blankly at the opposite wall and feeling the hole in my chest throb. I knew I was in for a long night in the empty woods tonight. I wasn’t sure if it wasn’t better to stay there now. It might actually hurt less than this real world around me. I was still freezing when I gave up and shut the water off. In the sudden quiet, I could hear Scott talking to someone downstairs. I wrapped a towel around me and huddled in its folds for warmth, as I cracked the bathroom door.

Scott’s voice was angry. “I’m not buying that. It doesn’t make any sense.”

It was quiet then, and I realized he was on the phone. A minute passed.

“Don’t you put this on Taylor!” Scott suddenly shouted.

I jumped. When he spoke again, his voice was careful and lower.

“Taylor’s been through a lot this year. He and Diego were good friends; and they were having fun, so don’t try and pull some sort of clingy—” He paused mid rant briefly, before launching into another tirade. “Well, if that was it, then why didn’t you damn well say so at first, rather than all this avoidance and hurting him even worse? No, Ricardo, I think he’s right about this... Because I know my son, and if he says Diego was scared before...” He was cut off mid-sentence, and when he answered he was almost shouting again. “What do you mean I don’t know my boy as well as I think I do?!” He listened for a brief second, and his response was almost too low for me to hear. “If you think I’m going to remind him about that, then you had better think again. He’s only just starting to get over it, and mostly because of Diego, I think. If whatever Diego has going on with this Sean character sends him back into that depression, then Diego is going to have to answer to me. You’re my friend, Ricardo, but this is hurting my family.”

There was another break for Ricardo to respond.

“You got that right… those boys set one toe out of line and I’m going to know about it. We’ll be keeping an eye on the situation, you can be sure of that.”

He was no longer Scott; he was Chief Lee now.

“Fine. Yeah. Goodbye.” The phone slammed into the cradle.

I tiptoed quickly across the hall into my room. Scott was muttering angrily in the kitchen.

So Ricardo was going to blame me. I was abusing Diego’s friendship and smothering him; and he’d finally had enough.

It was strange. I’d feared that myself, but after the last thing Diego had said this afternoon, I didn’t believe it anymore. There was much more to this than my need for his company, and it surprised me that Ricardo would stoop to claiming that. It made me think that whatever secret they were keeping was bigger than I’d previously imagined. At least Scott was on my side now.

I put my pajamas on and crawled into bed. Life seemed dark enough at the moment that I let myself cheat. The hole; _holes_ now, were already aching and ready to overwhelm me, so why not? I pulled out the memory… not a real memory that would hurt too much, but the false memory of Jake’s voice in my mind this afternoon. I played it over and over in my head until I fell asleep, with tears still streaming calmly from my hollow eyes.

It was a new dream tonight. Rain was falling and Diego was walking soundlessly beside me, though beneath my feet the ground crunched like dry gravel. But he wasn’t my Diego; he was the new, bitter, graceful Diego. The smooth suppleness of his walk reminded me of someone else, and, as I watched, his features started to change. The tanned color of his skin leached away, leaving his face pale white like bone. His eyes turned crimson, then gold; and then turned to a beautiful bright cerulean. His newly short hair twisted in the breeze as it grew longer, lightening and turning to a sandy brown where the wind touched it. And his face became so beautiful that it shattered my heart. I reached for him, but he took a step away, raising his hands like a shield. And then; Jake vanished.

I wasn’t sure when I woke in the dark, if I’d just begun crying, or if my tears had run while I slept and simply continued now. I stared at my dark ceiling. I could feel that it was the middle of the night; I was still half-asleep, maybe more than half. I closed my eyes wearily and prayed for the nightmare to come back before the pain could steal my breath and destroy my chest completely.

That’s when I heard the noise that must have woken me in the first place. Something sharp scraped along the length of my window with a high-pitched squeal, like fingernails against the glass.


	12. Knowing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 12! (Kind of) Halfway through already guys, you know what that means!
> 
> Jaylor reunion is upon us!! 
> 
> Well, still a few chapters to go actually, but it's a chapter much closer than chapter 3.
> 
> Hope you enjoy! Let us know what you think ♡ please ♡
> 
> x Our love to you all x

**Knowing**

My eyes flew open wide with surprise, even though I was so exhausted and muddled that I was not yet positive whether I was awake or asleep.

Something scratched against my window again with the same thin, high-pitched sound.

Confused and clumsy with sleep, I stumbled out of my bed and to the window, blinking and wiping the lingering tears from my eyes with the back of my hand on the way.

A huge, dark shape wobbled erratically on the other side of the glass, lurching toward me like it was going to smash right through. I staggered back, terrified, my throat closing around a scream.

Jeanine.

She’d come for me.

I was dead.

I briefly panicked, terrified for Scott; but then a strange calm settled over me, something like relief. I would beg for her to leave Scott alone, would promise to go wherever she wanted me to go; and I’d give her whatever show she wanted, as she made my death as painful as she could.

Joke was on her though, because nothing was more painful than living anymore.

"Okay..." I said, raising my palms slowly in surrender. I knew she would hear me. "I'm coming... I won't run, I promise, just... leave my dad alo—"

And then a familiar, husky voice called from the dark shape.

“Taylor!” It hissed. "Ouch! Damn it, open the window! _Ouch_!”

I needed two seconds to shake off the shock before I could move, but then I hurried to the window and shoved the glass out of the way. The clouds were dimly lit from behind, enough for me to make sense of the shapes.

“What are you _doing_?” I demanded, scowling into the darkness. My release from this hell had been denied to me twice now.

Diego was clinging precariously to the top of the spruce that grew in the middle of Scott’s little front yard. His weight had bowed the tree toward the house and he now swung; his legs dangling twenty feet above the ground, not a yard away from me. The thin branches at the tip of the tree scraped against the side of the house again with a grating squeal.

“I’m trying to keep…” he huffed, shifting his weight as the treetop bounced him. ”My... _promise_!”

I blinked my still wet eyes, suddenly sure that I was dreaming after all. Somehow this only made my disappointment worse. “When did you ever promise to kill yourself falling out of Scott’s tree, idiot?”

He snorted, unamused, swinging his legs to improve his balance. “Get out of the way, Taylor.” He ordered.

“What?”

He swung his legs again, backwards and forward, increasing his momentum. I realized suddenly what he was trying to do. “No, Diego!” But I ducked to the side as I said it, because it was too late. With a grunt, he launched himself toward my open window.

Another scream built in my throat as I waited for him to fall to his death; or at least maim himself against the wooden siding. To my shock, he swung agilely into my room, landing on the balls of his feet with only a low thud.

We both looked to the door automatically, holding our breath, waiting to see if the noise had woken Scott. A short moment of silence passed, and then we heard the muffled sound of Scott’s snore.

A wide grin spread slowly across Diego’s face; he seemed extremely pleased with himself. It wasn’t the grin that I knew and loved… it was a new grin, one that was a bitter mockery of his old sincerity, on the new face that belonged to Sean.

That was a bit much for me.

I’d cried myself to sleep over this asshole. His harsh rejection had punched a painful new hole in what was left of my chest. He’d left a new nightmare behind him, like an infection in a sore; the insult after the injury. And now he was here in my room, smirking at me as if none of that had passed. Worse than that, even though his arrival had been noisy and awkward, it reminded me of when Jake used to sneak in through my window at night, and the reminder picked viciously at both of the unhealed wounds. Finally, he'd made me believe I was finally going to be released from this hell. Painfully, I admit, but still.

All of this, coupled with the fact that I was dog-tired, did not put me in a particularly welcoming or friendly mood.

“Get _out_!” I hissed, putting as much venom into the whisper as I could.

He blinked, his face going blank with surprise.

“No,” he protested. “I came to apologize.”

“It’s a bit fucking late!”

“Better late than never?”

“No!” I barked in a harsh whisper, swiping viciously at the fresh tears under my eyes. “I _don’t_ accept!”

I tried to shove him back out the window; after all, if this was a dream, it wouldn’t really hurt him. It was useless, though. I didn’t budge him an inch. I dropped my hands quickly, and stepped away from him.

He wasn’t wearing a shirt, though the air blowing in the window was cold enough to make me shiver, and it made me uncomfortable to have my hands on his bare chest. His skin was burning hot, like his head had been the last time I’d touched him. Like he was still sick with the fever.

He didn’t look sick. He looked huge. He leaned over me, so big that he blacked out the window, tongue-tied by my furious reaction.

Suddenly, it was just more than I could handle. It felt as if all of my sleepless nights were crashing down on me en-mass. I was so brutally tired that I thought I might collapse right there on the floor. I swayed unsteadily, and struggled to keep my eyes open as the stupid things continued to leak tears everywhere. Hadn’t I used up my lifetimes supply of these stupid things already?

“Taylor?” Diego whispered anxiously. He caught my elbow as I swayed again, and steered me back to the bed.

My legs gave out when I reached the edge, and I plopped into a limp heap on the mattress.

“Hey, are you okay?” Diego asked, worry creasing his forehead.

I looked up at him with an exasperated scowl, the tears still streaming over my cheeks. “Why the fuck would I be okay, Diego?”

Anguish replaced some of the bitterness in his face. “Right,” he agreed, and took a deep breath. “Shit. Well... I-I’m so sorry, Taylor.” The apology was sincere, no doubt about it, though there was still an angry twist to his features.

“Why did you even come here?” I demanded sleepily, shaking my head and looking away as I waved dismissively towards the window. “I don’t want apologies from you, Diego.”

“I know,” he whispered. “But I couldn’t leave things the way I did this afternoon. That was pretty shitty of me... I’m sorry.”

I shook my head wearily. “I don’t understand anything.” I sighed, bracing my elbows on my knees and resting my head on my palms. “I don’t think I even _care_ anymore…” I whispered, certain he couldn’t hear my sleep deprived ramblings.

“I know. I want to explain...” He said desperately, before breaking off suddenly. I looked up tiredly at his unexpected silence, to see his mouth open, almost like something had cut off his air. Then he sucked in a deep breath. “But I _can’t_ explain,” he said, still angry. “I just... I _wish_ I could.”

I let my head fall back into my hands. My question came out muffled by my arm. “Why?” I muttered morosely. 

“What do you mean ‘why’?” Diego asked slowly, seeming concerned by my lack of interest. “You’re my best friend, I want to tell you everything, Taylor, but I just—”

“I _was_ your best friend, Diego.” I interrupted quietly, blinking slowly at the floor. “You said so yourself. So why bother even wasting the effort for a ‘why’ now?” I wondered aloud, my mouth having no filter when I was so tired. “It’s not like it matters, right? I’m not worth it dude, just… go back to Sean.”

He was quiet for a moment. I twisted my head to the side, too tired to lift it up again, to see his expression. It surprised me. His eyes were squinted, his teeth clenched, his forehead wrinkled in effort.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, frowning in concern despite my lethargy.

He exhaled heavily, and I realized he’d been holding his breath, too. “I can’t do it,” he muttered, frustrated.

“Do what?” I demanded. I was too tired for guessing games.

He ignored my question. “Look, Taylor, haven’t you ever had a secret that you couldn’t tell anyone?”

He looked at me with knowing eyes, and my thoughts jumped immediately to the Darwin’s. I was too tired to school my expression, so I just continued to stare blankly. If only I were playing poker right now, I could make a fortune with a bluff face like this.

“Something you felt like you had to keep from Scott, from your mom... ?” he pressed. “Something you won’t even talk about with _me_? Not even now?”

I felt my eyes tighten, my lips finally twisting into a thin line. I refused to answer his question, though I knew he would take that as a confirmation.

“Can you understand that I might have the same kind of... situation?” He was struggling again, seeming to fight for the right words. “Sometimes, loyalty gets in the way of what you want to do. Sometimes, it’s not your secret to tell.”

I couldn’t argue with that. He was exactly right. I had a secret; that wasn’t mine to tell. A secret I still felt bound to protect. A secret that, suddenly, he seemed to know all about.

I still didn’t see how it applied to him, or Sean, or Ricardo. What was it to them, now that the Darwin’s were gone?

“I don’t know why you came here, Diego.” I said tiredly, shaking my head as I looked away from his suddenly concerned expression. “And I mean at all… let alone if you were just going to give me stupid riddles instead of answers.”

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “This is so frustrating.”

We looked at each other for a long moment in the dark room, both our faces hopeless; though I knew of the two of us, his was far more healthy at least.

“The part that kills me,” he said abruptly, “is that you already _know_. I already _told_ you everything!”

“What are you talking about, now?”

He sucked in a startled breath, and then leaned toward me, his face shifting from hopelessness to blazing intensity in a second. He stared fiercely into my eyes, and his voice was fast and eager. He spoke the words right into my face; his breath was as hot as his skin.

“I think I see a way to make this work out; because you know this, Taylor! I _can’t_ tell you, but if you _guessed_ it! That would let me right off the hook!” He said eagerly, practically beaming at me with a grin which was similar to the one which I remembered so well.

“You want me to guess?” I drawled sarcastically, raising my brows and rolling my eyes slowly. “Guess what?”

“My secret! You can do it… you know the answer!”

I blinked twice, trying to clear my head. I was so tired. Nothing he said made sense.

He took in my blank expression, and then his face tensed with effort again. “Hold on, let me see if I give you some help,” he said. Whatever he was trying to do, it was so hard he was panting.

“Help?” I asked, trying to keep up. My lids wanted to slip closed, but I forced them open.

“Yeah,” he said, breathing hard. “Like... clues, breadcrumbs, if you want.”

He took my face in his enormous, too-warm hands and held it just a few inches from his. He stared into my eyes while he whispered, as if to communicate something besides the words he spoke.

“Remember the first day we met up again… on the beach in Hartfeld?”

“Of course I do… Lautner’s Beach.”

“Tell me about it.”

I took a deep breath and tried to concentrate. "You asked about my truck...”

He nodded, urging me on.

“We talked about the Impala...”

“Keep going.”

“We went for a walk down the beach...” My cheeks were growing warm under his palms as I remembered, but he wouldn’t notice, hot as his skin was. I’d asked him to walk with me, quizzing ineptly but successfully, pumping him for information.

He was nodding, anxious for more.

My voice was nearly soundless. “You told me scary stories... Taíno legends.”

He closed his eyes and opened them again. “Yes.” The word was tense, fervent, like he was on the edge of something vital. He spoke slowly, making each word distinct. “Do you remember what I said?”

Even in the dark, he must be able to see the change in the color of my face. How could I ever forget that? Without realizing what he was doing, Diego had told me exactly what I needed to know that day… that Jake was a vampire.

He looked at me with eyes that knew too much. “Think hard,” he told me.

“Yes, I remember,” I breathed.

He inhaled deeply, struggling. “Do you remember all the stor...” He couldn’t finish the question. His mouth popped open like something had suddenly become stuck in his throat.

“All the stories?” I asked.

He nodded mutely.

My head churned. Only one story really mattered. I knew he’d begun with others, but I couldn’t remember the inconsequential prelude, especially not while my brain was so clouded with exhaustion. I started to shake my head.

Diego groaned and jumped off the bed. He pressed his fists against his forehead and breathed fast and angry. “You know this, _you know this,_ ” he muttered to himself.

“Diego? Dude, I am exhausted. I’m not exactly feeling up to playing ‘guess my secret’ right now.” I snapped, scowling at him irritably. “Maybe in the morning...” I conceded, though I knew it depended how pissed off I was come morning.

He took a steadying breath and nodded. “Maybe it will come back to you. I guess I understand why you only remember the one story,” he added in a sarcastic, bitter tone. He plunked back onto the mattress beside me. “Do you mind if I ask you a question about that?” he asked, still sarcastic. “I’ve been dying to know.”

“A question about what?” I asked warily.

“About the vampire story I told you.”

I stared at him with guarded eyes, unable to answer. He asked his question anyway.

“Did you honestly not know?” he asked me, his voice turning husky. “Was I the one who told you what he was?”

How did he know this? Why did he decide to believe, why now? My stupid eyes welled with new tears at the words, though I slammed my teeth together and clenched them tightly. I stared back at him, no intention of speaking. He could see that.

“See what I mean about loyalty?” he murmured, even huskier now. “It’s the same for me, only worse. You can’t imagine how tight I’m bound...”

I didn’t like that. Didn’t like the way his eyes closed as if he were in pain when he spoke of being bound. More than dislike… I realized I hated it, hated anything that caused him pain. Hated it fiercely.

Sean’s face filled my mind… but it was swiftly replaced by my own. Whatever hold Sean had over him now, and though I hated him for it, I hated myself even more. Because whatever Diego said; I was certain this was my fault.

For me, this was all essentially voluntary. I protected the Darwin’s secret out of love; unrequited, but still love, nonetheless. For Diego, it didn’t seem to be that way.

“Isn’t there any way for you to get free?” I whispered, touching the rough edge at the back of his short hair.

His hands began to tremble, but he didn’t open his eyes. “No. I’m in this for life. A life sentence.” A bleak laugh. “Longer, maybe.”

“Diego,” I whined. “What if we ran away? Just you and me. What if we left home, and left Sean behind?”

“It’s not something I can run away from, Taylor,” he whispered. “I would run with you, dude, if I could.” His shoulders were shaking now, too. He took a deep breath. “Look, I’ve got to leave.”

“Why?”

“For one thing, you look like you’re going to pass out at any second. You need your sleep. I need you firing on all pistons. You’re going to figure this out, you have to.” He sounded so certain, but I was too tired to be so sure of myself.

“And why else?”

He frowned. “I had to sneak out… I’m not supposed to see you. They’ve got to be wondering where I am.” His mouth twisted. “I suppose I should go and let them know.”

“You don’t have to tell them anything,” I reasoned tiredly, shaking my head slowly as I sighed.

“All the same, I will.”

The anger flashed hot inside me, a brief spark of wakefulness rushing through me. “I hate them!”

Diego looked at me with wide eyes, surprised. “No, Taylor. Don’t hate the guys—"

“I hate bloody everyone right now!” I yelled in a vicious whisper, too frustrated to care anymore if I was being unreasonable. “I hate Sean, I hate Andy, I hate Julian, I hate _you,_ I hate those stupid _mutts_...” I snarled, burying my face in my hands as I tried to stop myself from crying again. “And most of all… I hate myself.” It was almost a relief to say the words aloud, like I’d been holding poisonous venom inside my empty chest too long. I lowered my hands with a sigh, glancing at Diego to see he’d paled considerably. “I don’t know why you think I shouldn’t hate them. One minute you’re promising me friendship for life, the next you’re gone without a word; and _your_ dads telling _mine_ that I’m too clingy for you…” I trailed off, looking away as I blinked slowly. 

“It’s not Sean’s or any of the others’ faults. I told you before… it’s me. Sean is actually... well, incredibly cool. Kyle and Andy are great, too, though Andy is kind of… touchy. And Julian’s always been my friend. Nothing’s changed there; the only thing that hasn’t changed. I feel really bad about the things I used to think about Sean...”

“ _Sean’s_ incredibly cool.” I glared at him in disbelief, but let it go. “Okay, if they’re all so cool... then why aren’t you supposed to see me?” I demanded.

“It’s not safe,” he mumbled looking down.

His words sent a thrill of fear through me.

Did he know that, too? Nobody knew that besides me. But he was right… it was the middle of the night, the perfect time for hunting. Diego shouldn’t be here in my room. If Grant or Jeanine came for me, I had to be alone to go with them.

“If I thought it was too... too risky,” he whispered, “I wouldn’t have come. But Taylor,” he looked at me again, “I made you a promise. I had no idea it would be so hard to keep, but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to try.”

He saw the incomprehension in my face. “After that stupid movie,” he reminded me. “I promised you that I wouldn’t ever hurt you... So I really blew it this afternoon, didn’t I?”

“That stupid movie seems like it was a lifetime ago...” I sighed, shaking my head slowly. “But it doesn’t matter dude. Promises are just… words. Don’t feel bad, okay? Things change, people change… find distractions…” I murmured tiredly, my eyelids drooping.

“Taylor...” His tone was worried as he stepped closer and took my hand, his expression growing more concerned as he examined me closely. “I’m going to do what I can to be here for you, just like I promised.” He grinned at me suddenly. The grin was not mine, nor Sean’s, but some strange combination of the two. “It would really help if you could figure this out on your own, Taylor. Put some honest effort into it.”

“Sure thing, bud.” I managed a weak grimace. More promises. “I’ll try.”

“And I’ll try to see you soon.” He sighed. “And they’ll try to talk me out of that.”

“Don’t listen to them.”

“I’ll try.” He shook his head, as if he doubted his success. “Come and tell me as soon as you figure it out.” Something occurred to him just then, something that made his hands shake. “If you... if you want to, that is.”

“Why wouldn’t I want to see you?”

His face turned hard and bitter, one hundred percent the face that belonged to Sean. “Oh, I can think of a reason,” he said in a harsh tone. “Look, I really have to go. Could you do something for me?”

I just nodded, frightened of the change in him.

“At least call me...if you don’t want to see me again. Let me know if it’s like that.”

“You mean like you called me?” I couldn’t stop the quiet words escaping me, even though I tried to bite them back. Diego flinched guiltily, and I immediately felt worse than I already had. “Look, dude… that won’t happen—”

He raised one hand, cutting me off. “Just let me know.” He muttered. He stood and headed for the window.

“Don’t be an idiot, Diego,” I complained. “You’ll break your dumbass leg. Use the door. Scott’s not going to catch you.”

“I won’t get hurt,” he muttered, but he turned for the door. He hesitated as he passed me, staring at me with an expression like something was stabbing him. He held one hand out, pleading.

I took his hand, and suddenly he yanked me; too roughly, right off the bed so that I thudded against his chest.

“Just in case,” he muttered against my ear, crushing me in a bear hug that about broke my ribs.

“Can’t… breathe!” I gasped.

He dropped me at once, keeping one hand at my waist so I didn’t fall over. He pushed me, more gently this time, back down on the bed.

“Get some sleep, Tay-Bear.” He laughed quietly when I scowled at his use of Scott’s nickname. I never got around to telling Scott that it had to go, considering my behaviour before Christmas. “You’ve got to get your head working. I know you can do this. I need you to understand. I won’t lose you, Taylor. Not for this.”

He was to the door in one stride, opening it quietly, and then disappearing through it. I listened for him to hit the squeaky step on the stairs, but there was no sound.

I lay back on my bed, my head spinning. I was too confused, too worn out, too emotionally drained. I closed my eyes, trying to make sense of it, only to be swallowed up by unconsciousness so swiftly that it was disorienting.

It was not the peaceful, dreamless sleep I’d yearned for… of course not. I was in the forest again, and I started to wander the way I always did.

I quickly became aware that this was not the same dream as usual. For one thing, I felt no compulsion to wander or to search; I was merely wandering out of habit, because that was what was usually expected of me here. Actually, this wasn’t even the same forest. The smell was different, and the light, too. It smelled, not like the damp earth of the woods, but like the brine of the ocean. I couldn’t see the sky; still, it seemed like the sun must be shining; the leaves above were bright jade green.

This was the forest around Hartfeld; near the beach there, I was sure of it. I knew that if I found the beach, I would be able to see the sun, so I hurried forward, following the faint sound of waves in the distance.

And then Diego was there. He grabbed my hand, pulling me back toward the blackest part of the forest.

“Diego, what’s wrong?” I asked. His face was the frightened face of a few months ago, and his hair was beautiful again, swept back into a ponytail on the nape of his neck. He yanked with all his strength, but I resisted; I didn’t want to go into the dark again.

“Run, Taylor, you have to run!” He whispered, terrified.

The abrupt wave of deja vu was so strong it nearly woke me up.

I knew why I recognized this place now. It was because I’d been here before, in another dream. A million years ago, part of a different life entirely. This was the dream I’d had the night after I’d walked with Diego on the beach, the first night I knew that Jake was a vampire. Reliving that day with Diego must have dredged this dream out of my buried memories.

Detached from the dream now, I waited for it to play out. A light was coming toward me from the beach. My heart leapt into my throat and then stopped. In just a moment, Jake would walk through the trees, his skin faintly glowing and his eyes black and dangerous. He would beckon to me, and smile. He would be beautiful as an angel, and his teeth would be pointed and sharp...

But I was getting ahead of myself. Something else had to happen first.

Diego dropped my hand and yelped. Shaking and twitching, he fell to the ground at my feet.

“Diego!” I screamed, but he was gone.

In his place was an enormous, black wolf with dark, intelligent eyes.

The dream veered off course, like a train jumping the tracks.

This was not the same wolf that I’d dreamed of in another life. This was the great wolf I’d stood half a foot from in the meadow, just a week ago. This wolf was gigantic, monstrous, bigger than a bear.

This wolf stared intently at me, trying to convey something vital with his intelligent eyes. The only too familiar eyes; of Diego Soto.

I woke screaming at the top of my lungs.

I almost expected Scott to come check on me this time. This wasn’t my usual screaming. I buried my head in my pillow and tried to muffle the hysterics that my screams were building into. I pressed the cotton tight against my face, wondering if I couldn’t also somehow smother the connection I’d just made.

But Scott didn’t come in. and eventually I was able to strangle the strange screeching coming out of my throat.

I remembered it all now… every word that Diego had said to me that day on the beach, even the part before he got to the vampires, the “cold ones.” Especially that first part.

_"Do you know any of our old stories, about where we came from; the Taíno, I mean?" He began._

_"Not really," I admitted, shrugging a shoulder dismissively when he feigned an outraged gasp. I nudged him playfully; and he snorted, his goofy grin reappearing as he considered for a moment, before leaning toward me and beginning to speak in hushed tones._

_"Well, there are lots of legends, some of them claiming to date back to the Flood. Supposedly, the ancient Taíno tied their canoes to the tops of the tallest trees on the mountain to survive; like Noah and the ark." He rolled his eyes, to show me how little stock he put in the histories. "Another legend claims that we descended from wolves; and that the wolves are our brothers still. It's against tribal law to kill them."_

_His voice dropped a little lower. He leaned closer. "Then there are the stories about the cold ones."_

_"The cold ones?" I asked, my intrigue impossible to hide now._

_"Yeah... There are stories of the cold ones as old as the wolf legends; and some much more recent. According to legend, my own great-grandfather knew some of them. He was the one who made the treaty that kept them off our land." He rolled his eyes._

_"Your great-grandfather?" I encouraged._

_"He was a tribal elder, like my father. You see, the cold ones are the natural enemies of the wolf; well, not the wolf, really, but the wolves that turn into men, like our ancestors. You would call them werewolves."_

_"Werewolves have enemies?"_

_"Only one."_

There was something stuck in my throat, choking me. I tried to swallow it down, but it was lodged there, un-moving. I tried to spit it out instead.

“Werewolf,” I gasped.

Yep, that was it. The word that I was choking on.

The whole world lurched, tilting the wrong way on its axis.

What kind of a place was this? Could a world really exist where ancient legends went wandering around the borders of tiny, insignificant towns, facing down mythical monsters? Did this mean every impossible fairy tale was grounded somewhere in absolute truth? Was there anything sane or normal at all, or was everything just magic and ghost stories? What was next? A unicorn showing up in my back garden?

I clutched my head in my hands, trying to keep it from exploding.

A small, dry voice in the back of my mind asked me what the big deal was. Hadn’t I already accepted the existence of vampires long ago… and without all the hysterics?

Exactly, I wanted to scream back at the voice. Wasn’t one myth enough for anyone, enough for a lifetime?

Besides, there’d never been one moment that I wasn’t completely aware that Jake McKenzie was above and beyond the ordinary. It wasn’t such a surprise to find out what he was… because he so obviously was _something_.

But Diego? Diego, who was just... Diego, and nothing more than that? Diego, my best friend? Diego, the only human I’d ever been able to relate to...

And he wasn’t even human.

I fought the urge to scream again.

What did this say about me?

I knew the answer to that one. It said that there was something deeply wrong with me. Why else would my life be filled with characters from horror movies? Why else would I care so much about them that it would tear big chunks right out of my chest when they went off along their mythical ways and inevitably left me behind?

In my head, everything spun and shifted, rearranging so that things that had meant one thing before, now meant something else.

There was no cult. There had never been a cult, never been a gang. No, it was much worse than that. It was a _pack_.

A pack of five mind-blowingly gigantic, multi-hued werewolves that had stalked right past me in Jake’s meadow...

Suddenly, I was in a frantic hurry. I glanced at the clock. It was way too early and I didn’t care. I had to go to Hartfeld.

Now. 

I had to see Diego so he could tell me that I hadn’t lost my mind altogether.

I pulled on the first clean clothes I could find, not bothering to be sure they matched, and took the stairs two at a time. I almost ran into Scott as I skidded into the hallway, headed for the door.

“Where are you going?” he asked, as surprised to see me as I was to see him. “Do you know what time it is?”

“Yeah.” I blurted distractedly, still pulling on a sock and hopping around Scott awkwardly to grab my keys. “I have to go see Diego.”

“I thought the thing with Sean...”

“That doesn’t matter, I have to talk to him right now.”

“It’s pretty early.” He frowned when my expression didn’t change. “Don’t you want breakfast?”

“Not hungry.” The words flew through my lips. He was blocking my path to the exit. I considered ducking around him and making a run for it, but I knew I would have to explain that to him later. “I’ll be back soon, okay?”

Scott frowned. “Straight to Diego’s house, right? No stops on the way?”

“Of course not, where would I stop?” My words were running together in my hurry to force my feet into my shoes.

“I don’t know,” he admitted. “It’s just... well, there’s been another attack. The wolves again. It was real close to the resort by the hot springs… there’s a witness this time. The victim was only a dozen yards from the road when he disappeared. His wife saw a huge gray wolf just a few minutes later, while she was searching for him, and ran for help.”

My stomach dropped like I’d hit a corkscrew on a roller coaster. “A wolf attacked him?”

“There’s no sign of him... just a little blood again.” Scott’s face was pained. “The rangers are going out armed, taking armed volunteers. There’re a lot of hunters who are eager to be involved… there’s a reward being offered for wolf carcasses. That’s going to mean a lot of firepower out there in the forest, and it worries me.” He shook his head. “When people get too excited, accidents happen...”

“They’re going to _shoot_ the wer— uh, wolves?” My voice shot through three octaves.

“What else can we do? What’s wrong?” he asked, his tense eyes studying my face. I felt faint; I must be whiter than usual. “You aren’t turning into a tree-hugger on me, are you?”

I couldn’t answer, though I wanted to throw back something suitably acerbic. Tree hugger indeed. If he hadn’t been watching me, I would have put my head between my knees as my warped sense of humour twisted into a bleak realisation. I’d forgotten about the missing hikers, the bloody paw prints... I hadn’t connected those facts to my first realization.

“Look, Taylor, don’t let this scare you. Just stay in town or on the highway. No stops… okay? And _no_ hiking.”

“Okay,” I repeated in a weak voice.

“I’ve got to go.”

I looked at him closely for the first time, and saw that he had his gun strapped to his waist and hiking boots on.

“ _You_ aren’t going out there after the wolves, are you, Dad?” I asked, fear gripping the hole in my chest.

“I’ve got to help, Taylor... People are disappearing.”

My voice shot up again, almost hysterical now. “No! No, don’t go. It’s too dangerous!”

“I’ve got to do my job, Tay-Bear. Don’t be such a pessimist… I’ll be fine.” He turned for the door, and held it open. “You leaving?”

I hesitated, my stomach still spinning in uncomfortable loops. What could I say to stop him? I was too dizzy to think of a solution.

“Tay-Bear?”

“Maybe... it’s too early to go to Hartfeld,” I whispered.

“I agree,” he said, and he stepped out into the rain, shutting the door behind him.

As soon as he was out of sight, I dropped to the floor and put my head between my knees.

Should I go after Scott? What the hell could I say, if I did?

And what about Diego? Diego was my best friend; I needed to warn him. If he really was a… I cringed and forced myself to think the word. A werewolf; and I knew it was true, I could feel it in my bones, then people would be shooting at him! I needed to tell him and his friends that people would try to kill them if they went running around like gigantic wolves. I needed to tell them to stop.

They _had_ to stop! Scott was out there in the woods. Would they care about that? I wondered... Up until now, only strangers had disappeared. Did that mean anything, or was it just chance?

I needed to believe that Diego, at least, would care about that.

Either way, I had to warn him.

Or... did I?

Diego was my best friend, but was he a monster, too? A real one? A _bad_ one? Should I warn him, if he and his friends were... were _murderers_! If they were out slaughtering innocent hikers in cold blood? If they were truly creatures from a horror movie in every sense, would it be wrong to protect them?

It was inevitable that I would have to compare Diego and his friends to the Darwin’s. I wrapped my arms around my chest, fighting the hole, as I thought of them.

I didn’t know anything about werewolves, clearly. I would have expected something closer to the movies… big hairy half-men creatures or something; if I’d expected anything at all. So I didn’t know what made them hunt, whether hunger or thirst or just a desire to kill. It was hard to judge, not knowing that.

But it couldn’t be worse than what the Darwin’s endured in their quest to be good. I thought of Grace… the tears started when I pictured her kind, lovely face; and how, as gentle and loving as she was, she’d had to hold her nose, ashamed as she had run from me, when I was bleeding. It couldn’t be harder than that. I thought of Mike, the centuries upon centuries that he had struggled to teach himself to ignore blood, so that he could save lives as a doctor. _Nothing_ could be harder than that.

The werewolves had chosen a different path.

Now, what should I choose?


	13. Best Friends?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonding tiiiiime... or is it? ; )
> 
> On another note, no need for a Team Jake or Team Diego here. In this fic, it's team happiness!
> 
> I dont wanna give spoilers sooo; enjoy, and let us know what you think after pleeeease ♡
> 
> x Our love to you all x  
> ✲ﾟ｡.(✿╹◡╹)ﾉ♡.｡₀:*ﾟ✲ﾟ

**Best Friends?**

If it was anyone but Diego, I thought to myself, shaking my head as I drove down the forest-lined highway to Hartfeld.

I still wasn’t sure if I was doing the right thing, but I’d made a compromise with myself.

I couldn’t condone what Diego and his friends, his pack, were doing. I understood now what he’d said last night. That I might not want to see him again… and I could have called him as he’d suggested, but that felt cowardly. I owed him a face-to-face conversation, at least. I would tell him to his face that I couldn’t just overlook what was going on. I couldn’t be friends with a killer and say nothing, let the killing continue... That would make me a monster, too.

But he was my best friend.

I couldn’t _not_ warn him, either. I had to do what I could to protect him.

I pulled up to the Soto’s house with my lips pressed together into a hard line. It was bad enough that my best friend was a werewolf. Did he have to be a murdering monster, too?

The house was dark, no lights in the windows, but I didn’t care if I woke them. My fist thudded against the front door with angry energy; the sound reverberated through the walls.

“Come in,” I heard Ricardo call after a minute, and a light flicked on.

I twisted the knob; it was unlocked. Ricardo was leaning around an open doorway just off the little kitchen, a bathrobe around his shoulders, not in his chair yet. When he saw who it was, his eyes widened briefly, and then his face turned stoic.

“Well, good morning, Taylor. What are you doing up so early?”

“Hey, Ricardo. I need to talk to Diego… where is he?”

“Um... I don’t really know,” he lied, straight-faced.

“Do you know what Scott is doing this morning?” I demanded, sick of the stalling, of the games and the goddamn _nerve_ of this man to keep treating me like some stupid child.

“Should I?”

“He and half the other men in town are all out in the woods with great big guns, hunting giant wolves.”

Ricardo’s expression flickered, and then went blank.

“So I’d like to talk to Diego about that, if you don’t mind,” I continued.

Ricardo pursed his thick lips for a long moment. "I’d bet he’s still asleep,” he finally said, nodding toward the tiny hallway off the front room. "He’s out late a lot these days. Kid needs his rest… probably you shouldn’t wake him.”

“It’s my turn,” I muttered under my breath as I stalked to the hallway.

Ricardo sighed.

Diego’s tiny closet of a room was the only door in the yard-long hallway. I didn’t bother to knock. I threw the door open; it slammed against the wall with a bang.

Diego; still wearing the same black cut-off jeans he’d worn last night, was stretched diagonally across the double bed that took up all of his room but a few inches around the edges. Even on a slant, it wasn’t long enough; his feet hung off one end and his head off the other. He was fast asleep, snoring lightly with his mouth hanging open. Under normal circumstances, I probably would have laughed at that.

But the sound of the door hadn’t even made him twitch; and this made me hesitate, made my anger recede slightly.

His face was peaceful with sleep. A deep sleep, with all the angry lines smoothed out. There were circles under his eyes that I hadn’t noticed before. Despite his ridiculous size, he looked very young now, and very weary. Pity shook me.

I stepped back out, and shut the door quietly behind me.

Ricardo stared with curious, guarded eyes as I walked slowly back into the front room.

“I think I’ll let him get some rest.”

Ricardo nodded, and then we gazed at each other for a minute. I was dying to ask him about his part in this.

What did he think of what his son had become? But I knew how he’d supported Sean from the very beginning, and so I supposed the murders must not bother him. How he justified that to himself I couldn’t imagine.

I could see many questions for me in his dark eyes, but he didn’t voice them either.

I cleared my throat, unwilling to share things he had no right to ask of me; especially considering what he wanted me to hide. The sound broke the heavy silence between us, as I half turned away. "I’ll be down at the beach for a while. When he wakes up, tell him I’m waiting for him, okay?”

“Sure, sure,” Ricardo agreed.

I wondered if he really would. I was pretty sure all my other messages had remained undelivered, after all. Well, if he didn’t, I’d tried, right?

I drove down to Lautner's Beach and parked in the empty dirt lot. It was still dark, the gloomy predawn of a cloudy day; and when I cut the headlights it was hard to see. I had to let my eyes adjust before I could find the path that led through the tall hedge of weeds. It was colder here, with the wind whipping off the black water, and I shoved my hands deep into the pockets of my winter jacket. At least the rain had stopped.

I paced down the beach toward the north seawall. I couldn’t see Scuttle Island; or the other islands, just the vague shape of the water’s edge. I picked my way carefully across the rocks, watching out for driftwood that might trip me.

I found what I was looking for before I realized I was looking for it. It materialized out of the gloom when it was just a few feet away: a long bone-white driftwood tree stranded deep on the rocks. The roots twisted up at the seaward end, like a hundred brittle tentacles. I couldn’t be sure that it was the same tree where Diego and I had our first conversation… a conversation that had begun so many different, tangled threads of my life; but it seemed to be in about the same place. I sat down where I’d sat before, and stared out across the invisible sea as I settled in for a long wait.

It felt like a lifetime had passed since I was last here; longer even, three lifetime. So much had happened, had changed. The love I’d come to feel, had thought I felt in return; only to have it ripped away again all too quickly. Rex and his hunt, so _nearly_ becoming a beautiful creature, something worthy of Jake’s love… only to lose that too. Now I was on the edge of losing my best friend as well; and I knew another small part of me would disappear if I did.

Seeing Diego like that… innocent and vulnerable in sleep; had stolen all my revulsion, dissolved all my anger. I still couldn’t turn a blind eye to what was happening, like Ricardo seemed to, but I couldn’t condemn Diego for it either. Love didn’t work that way, I decided. Once you cared about a person, it was impossible to be logical about them anymore. Diego was my best friend; whether he killed people or not. And I didn’t know what I was going to do about that.

When I pictured him sleeping so peacefully, I felt an overpowering urge to protect him. Completely illogical.

Illogical or not, I brooded over the memory his peaceful face, trying to come up with some answer; some way to shelter him, while the sky slowly turned gray.

“Hey, Taylor.”

Diego’s voice came from the darkness and made me jump. It was soft, almost shy, but I’d been expecting some forewarning from the noisy rocks, and so it still startled me. I could see his silhouette against the coming sunrise… it looked enormous.

“Diego?”

He stood several paces away, shifting his weight from foot to foot anxiously.

“Ricardo told me you came by… didn’t take you very long, did it?” He rambled nervously, sounding much more like the Diego I knew and loved. “I knew you could figure it out.”

“Yeah, I remember the right story now,” I whispered.

It was quiet for a long moment and, though it was still too dark to see well, my skin prickled as if his eyes were searching my face. There must have been enough light for him to read my expression, because when he spoke again, his voice was suddenly acidic.

“You could have just called,” he said harshly.

I nodded. "I know.”

Diego started pacing along the rocks. If I listened very hard, I could just hear the gentle brush of his feet on the rocks behind the sound of the waves. The rocks had clattered like castanets for me.

“Why did you come?” he demanded, not halting his angry stride.

“I thought it would be better face-to-face.”

He snorted. "Oh yeah, sure. This is _so_ much better.”

“Diego, I have to warn you...”

“About the rangers and the hunters? Don’t worry about it. We already know.”

“Don’t worry about it?” I demanded in disbelief. "Diego, they’ve got guns! They’re setting traps and offering rewards and...”

“We can take care of ourselves,” he growled, still pacing. "They’re not going to catch anything. They’re only making it more difficult… they’ll start disappearing soon enough, too.”

“ _Diego_!” I hissed, appalled by his flippancy with regard to the loss of human life.

“What? It’s just a fact.”

My voice was pale with revulsion. "How can you... feel that way? You _know_ these people. Scott’s out there!” The thought made my stomach twist.

He came to an abrupt stop. "What more can we do?” he retorted.

The sun turned the clouds a silvery pink above us. I could see his expression now; it was angry, frustrated, betrayed.

“Could you... well, try to not be a... werewolf?” I suggested with an awkward shrug.

He threw his hands up in the air. "Like I have a choice about it!” He shouted. "And how would that help anything, if you’re worried about people disappearing?”

“I don’t understand you.” I snarked back, scowling at him petulantly.

Diego ignored the comment. He glared at me, his eyes narrowing and his mouth twisting into a snarl. "You know what makes me so mad I could just spit?”

I rolled my eyes and looked away from his hostile expression. He seemed to be waiting for an answer, so I shook my head and sighed expectantly.

“You’re such a hypocrite, Taylor… there you sit, _terrified_ of me! How is that fair?” His hands shook with anger.

“Hypocrite?" I demanded, returning my eyes to his face so I could scowl at him. "How does being afraid of a monster make me a hypocrite?”

“Ugh!” he groaned, pressing his trembling fists to his temples and squeezing his eyes shut. "Would you listen to yourself?”

“What?”

He took two steps toward me, leaning over me and glaring with fury. "Well, I am just _so_ sorry that I can’t be the _right kind_ of monster for you to associate with, Taylor. I guess I’m just not as great as a _bloodsucker,_ am I?”

I jumped to my feet and glared back. "No, you’re _not!”_ I shouted. "It’s not what you _are_ , idiot, it’s what you _do_!”

“What the hell is _that_ supposed to mean?” He roared, his entire frame quivering with rage.

I was taken entirely by surprise when Jake’s voice cautioned me. " _Be real careful, Taylor_ ,” his velvet voice warned. " _Don’t push him too far. Ya gotta calm him down.”_

Even the voice in my head was making no sense today.

I listened to him, though. I would do anything for that voice.

“Diego,” I pleaded, making my tone soft and even. "Please; is it _really_ necessary to kill people? Isn’t there some other way? I mean, if vampires can find a way to survive without murdering humans, couldn’t you give it a try, too? Do you really want them to beat you at self control?” Maybe the competitive thing would be useless; but I'd try anything at this point.

He straightened up with a jerk, like my words had sent an electric shock through him. His eyebrows shot up and his eyes stared wide. “Killing… people?” He demanded, cocking his head curiously.

“What did _you_ think we were talking about, jerk?”

He wasn’t trembling anymore. He looked at me with half-hopeful disbelief. "I _thought_ we were talking about your disgust for werewolves.”

“Urgh, Diego!” I rolled my eyes in exasperation. “Dude, I don't give a flying fuck _what_ you are! You could be a goddamn Unicorn for all I care!" I ranted, running a hand through my growing hair in frustration. "It’s not that you’re a... _wolf._ That’s fine,” I promised him, and I knew as I said the words that I meant them. I really didn’t care if he turned into a big wolf… he was still Diego. "If you could just find a way not to hurt people; _that’s_ all that upsets me. These are innocent people, Diego, people like Scott, and I can’t just look the other way while you...”

“Is that all? Really?” he interrupted me, a smile breaking across his face. "You’re just scared because I’m a murderer? That’s the only reason?”

“Isn’t that reason enough?” I demanded waspishly.

He started to laugh.

“Diego Soto, this is so not funny!”

“Sure, sure,” he agreed, still chortling.

He took one long stride and caught me in another vice-tight bear hug.

“You really, honestly don’t mind that I morph into a giant dog?” He asked, his voice joyful in my ear.

“No,” I gasped. "Can’t… _breathe…_ Diego!”

He let me go, but took both my hands. "I’m not a killer, Taylor.”

I studied his face, and it was clear that this was the truth. Relief pulsed through me.

“Really?” I asked.

“Really,” he promised solemnly.

I threw my arms around him. It reminded me of that first day with the motorcycles… he was bigger, though, and I felt even more like a child now.

Like that other time, he snickered and muttered about how gay I was acting. I was too relieved to care.

“Sorry I called you a hypocrite, jerk.” He apologized.

“Sorry I called you a murderer, bitch.” I mumbled back.

He laughed.

I thought of something then, and pulled away from him so that I could see his face. My eyebrows furrowed in anxiety. "What about Sean? And the others?”

He shook his head, smiling like a huge burden had been removed from his shoulders. "Of course not. Don’t you remember what we call ourselves?”

The memory was clear… I’d just been thinking of that very day. "Protectors?”

“Exactly.”

“But I don’t understand. What’s happening in the woods? The missing hikers, the blood?”

His face was serious, worried at once. "We’re trying to do our job, Taylor. We’re trying to protect them, but we’re always just a little too late.”

“Protect them from what? Is there really a bear out there, too?”

“Taylor, dude, we only protect people from one thing… our _one_ enemy." Diego was looking at me like I was some kind of simpleton. "It’s the reason we exist… because _they_ do.”

I stared at him blankly for one second before I understood. Then the blood drained from my face and a thin, wordless cry of horror broke through my lips.

He nodded. "I thought you, of all people, would realise what was really going on.”

“Grant,” I whispered. "He’s still here.” Panic set in then; the realisation that I'd endangered my best friend; twice now. "Oh god… I can't be here—" I tried to whirl away, but Diego held tight to my hands and refused to let me escape.

“Whoa, _dude!”_ Diego blinked twice and cocked his head to one side, as he swept his worried gaze over me. "Who’s Grant?”

“Godammit, Diego, let me go… you… freakishly strong… wolf, person…” I tried to sort out the chaos in my head, ignoring Diego’s surfacing grin at my incoherency as I tried to twist myself free. “You know… you saw him in the meadow. You were there...” I gasped, pausing and looking up at him slowly, the words escaping me in a wondering tone as it all sunk in. “You were there; and _you_ kept him from killing me...” I said accusingly, abruptly outraged.

“Oh, the leech from the other day?” He grinned, a tight, fierce grin. “Was that his name?”

I shuddered. “What were you _thinking?”_ I demanded, trying to free my hands now only so I could swat at his shoulder in my frustration. “He could have killed you! You stupid—! Urgh! Diego, you don’t realize how dangerous...”

Another laugh interrupted me “Taylor, one lone vampire isn’t much of a problem for a pack as big as ours. It was so easy, it was hardly even fun!”

“What was so easy?” I blinked in confusion; sensing another bout of conversational whiplash setting in.

It made me nostalgic; and I quickly shut down my thoughts before they could return to the previous term of college, as the hole in my chest throbbed dangerously.

“Killing the bloodsucker who was going to kill you. Now, I don’t count that towards the whole murder thing,” he added quickly. “Vampires don’t count as people.”

I could only mouth the words. “You... _killed_... Grant?”

He nodded. “Well, it was a group effort,” he qualified.

 _“Grant..._ is dead?” I whispered.

His expression changed. “You’re not upset about that, are you? He _was_ going to kill you… he was _definitely_ going for the kill, Taylor, we were sure of that before we attacked. You know that, right?” He explained quickly, before hesitating; his expression turning angry again. “Speaking of, why weren’t you running away? Trying to escape? Why were _we_ the bad guys?”

“I know that. No, I’m not upset… I’m...” Well, a small part of me was upset yes, but not for the reason he imagined. I had to sit down. I stumbled back a step until I felt the driftwood against my calves, and then sank down onto it. “Grant is dead. He’s… he’s not coming back for me.” He’d never told Jeanine about me, never left the woods after the wolves had saved me. I was too emotionally overwhelmed to work out a suitable response to his further questioning, so I decided to ignore it; and hope he forgot.

“You’re not mad? He wasn’t one of your friends or anything, was he?”

“My friend?” I stared up at him, confused and dizzy with relief. I started babbling, my eyes getting moist. “No, Diego. I’m so... so relieved. I thought he was going to find me... I’ve been waiting for him every night, just hoping that he’d stop with me... I’ve been so worried for Scott, Diego... But how? He was a vampire! How did you kill him? He was so strong, so hard, like marble...”

He sat down next to me and put one big arm around me comfortingly. “It’s what we’re made for, dude. We’re strong, too. I wish you would have told me that you were so alone and scared... You didn’t need to be.”

“You weren’t around,” I replied scathingly. I would have shrugged his shoulder off me, but I was too lost in thought.

“Oh, right.” Diego frowned down at his feet awkwardly, his tanned cheeks stained with a dark blush of embarrassment. “Did my Dad really tell Scott—”

“Yep.” I replied tersely.

“Oh… sorry.” He coughed sheepishly, offering me a sideways grin in the hopes of earning my forgiveness. My flat glare seemed to cure him of the idea quickly. “I uh, I’ll talk to him about that. He was just trying to stop me getting too stressed out… I didn’t handle being cut off from you so well, I know what you’re like, I knew you’d panic and blame yourself.” He was babbling, either from stress or from general unease; though why on earth he would be nervous of me I don’t know. “I wanted to be the one to pick up the phone when you called, but then I would freak out again and set myself off… and I’d be back to square one again. Honestly, I was kinda relieved when you showed up after the meadow thing, I was freaking out; why were you standing there, just waiting for him to kill you?! Anyway; I thought I would be able to finally explain a little. I was angry, so angry at myself, but I really wanted to make sure you knew it was _me_ and not _you…_ But then, you were muttering about broken promises and _dude,_ ” he sucked in a deep breath as he paused and looked over at me with wide, concerned eyes. “I was so worried. You had this look, this hollowness; it was like the night Sean found you! I was really scared man, so I ran all the way over; thinking that they wouldn’t know if I hadn’t shifted. God, you were babbling at the window and I was worried for a second that you were really going to send me away, but then—”

“Wait, Diego, stop…” I interrupted, my head spinning from trying to keep up with his rapid ranting, frowning in confusion as he reminded me of the previous night. “I thought you knew... Last night, you said it wasn’t safe for you to be in my room. I thought you knew that a vampire might be coming. Isn’t that what you were talking about?”

He looked confused for a minute, losing track of his previous train of thought; and then he finally ducked his head. “No, that’s not what I meant.”

“Then why didn’t you think it was safe for you there?”

He looked at me with guilt-ridden eyes. “I didn’t say it wasn’t safe for me. I was thinking of _you,_ dude.”

“What do you mean?”

He looked down and kicked a rock. “There’s more than one reason I’m not supposed to be around you, Taylor. I wasn’t supposed to tell you our secret, for one thing, but the other part is that it’s not safe for you. If I get too mad; too upset... you might get hurt.”

I thought about that carefully. “When you were mad before; when I was yelling at you... and you were shaking—?”

“Yeah.” His face dropped even lower. “That was pretty stupid of me. I have to keep a better hold on myself. I swore I wasn’t going to get mad, no matter what you said to me. But... I just got so upset that I was going to lose you, that you couldn’t deal with what I am...”

“What would happen... if you got too mad?” I asked with a morbid sense of curiosity. A large part of me was also hoping that if I distracted him enough, he’d forget about the strange things his keen eyes had picked up about me.

“I’d turn into a wolf,” he whispered back.

“You don’t need a full moon.”

He rolled his eyes. “Hollywood’s version doesn’t get much right.” Then he sighed, and was serious again. “You don’t need to be so stressed out, Taylor... We’re going to take care of this. And we’re keeping a special eye on Scott and the others. We won’t let anything happen to him. Trust me on that.”

Something very, very obvious, something I should have grasped at once… but I’d been so distracted by the idea of Diego and his friends fighting with Grant, that I’d completely missed it at the time; occurred to me only then, when Diego used the present tense again.

We’re going to take care of this.

It wasn’t over.

“Grant is dead,” I gasped, and my entire body went ice cold.

“Taylor?” Diego asked anxiously, touching my ashen cheek.

“If Grant died; _days_ ago…” I said slowly, my absent heart dropping into my stomach as it churned with nausea. “Then someone _else,_ is killing people now...”

Diego nodded; his teeth clenched together, and he spoke through them. “There were two of them. We thought his mate would want to fight us. In our stories, they usually get pretty pissed off if you kill their mate; but she just keeps running away, and then coming back again. If we could figure out what she was after, it would be easier to take her down. But she makes no sense. She keeps dancing around the edges, like she’s testing our defenses, looking for a way in… but in where? Where does she want to go? Sean thinks she’s trying to separate us, so she’ll have a better chance...”

His voice faded until it sounded like it was coming through a long tunnel; I couldn’t make out the individual words anymore. My forehead dewed with sweat and my stomach rolled like I had the stomach flu again. Exactly like I had the flu.

I turned away from him quickly, and leaned over the tree trunk. My body convulsed with useless heaves, my empty stomach contracting with horrified nausea, though there was nothing in it to expel.

Jeanine was here. Looking for me. Killing strangers in the woods. The woods where Scott was searching...

My head spun sickeningly.

Diego’s hands caught my shoulders… kept me from sliding forward onto the rocks and smashing my head on them. I could feel his hot breath on my cheek. “Taylor! Holy shit, dude… what the hell’s wrong?”

“Jeanine,” I gasped as soon as I could catch my breath around the nauseous spasms.

In my head, Jake snarled in fury at the name.

I felt Diego pull me up from my slump. He lowered me awkwardly to the ground, kneeling before me and struggling to balance me, to keep me from sagging over, one way or the other. He brushed the sweaty hair back from my forehead and clasped my cheeks to make my eyes meet his.

“Who?” Diego demanded urgently. “Can you hear me, Taylor? _Taylor_?”

“She wasn’t Grant’s mate,” I said in a breathless whisper; shaking my head frantically. “They were just, heh... old friends.”

“Do you need some water? A doctor? Tell me what to do,” he demanded, frantic.

“I’m not sick, Diego… I’m scared,” I explained in a whisper. The word scared didn’t really seem to cover it. “She’s out there… _with Scott—”_ I choked on the rest of my sentence, gasping for breath as I fell apart in Diego’s light grasp.

Diego patted my back. “Scared of this... Jeanine?” I nodded, shuddering. “Jeanine is the female? With red dreadlocks?” 

"Of her being in the same damn woods as my dad is right now, yes!" I clarified as I trembled again, and groaned. “Yes.”

“How do you know she wasn’t his mate?”

“Grant told me Rex was her mate,” I explained through my hiccups; hysteria creeping through me slowly, as I began automatically flexing the hand with the scar.

He shook my face gently, sensing my slipping hold on my sanity. He held me steady in his big hands and stared intently into my eyes. “Did he tell you anything else, Taylor? This is important. _Do you know what she wants_?”

“Of course I do.” I laughed, swallowing thickly as my eyes met his and I smiled hollowly. “She wants _me.”_ I whispered, my head rushing with a wave of dizziness which threatened to steal my consciousness.

 _"What?!"_ He yelped, his eyes flipped wide, before they narrowed into slits. “Why?” He demanded.

“Jake killed Rex,” I replied lightly, flinching as I tried to lower my eyes, only for Diego to hold onto me so tight, there was no need for me to clutch at the hole; he kept me in one piece. “She did get... pissed off. But Grant said she thought it was fairer to kill me, than Jake. Mate for mate. She didn’t know...still doesn’t know, I guess...that... that...” I swallowed hard. “That things aren’t like that with us anymore. Not for Jake, anyway.”

Diego was distracted by that, his face torn between several different expressions. “Is that what happened? Why the Darwin’s left?”

“I’m nothing but a human, after all." I explained, shrugging my shoulder in weak dismissal. "Nothing special. I never deserved him." I whispered, closing my eyes and forcing away the pain.

Something like a growl… not a real growl, just a human approximation, rumbled in Diego’s chest under my ear. “If that idiot bloodsucker is honestly stupid enough...”

“Please, Diego...” I moaned. “ _Please_. Don’t.”

Diego hesitated, then nodded once. “This is important,” he said again, his face all business now. “This is exactly what we needed to know. We’ve got to tell the others right away.”

He stood, pulling me to my feet after him. He kept two hands on my shoulders until he was sure I wasn’t going to fall. “I’m okay,” I lied.

He traded his hold on my shoulders for one of my hands. “Let’s go.” He pulled me back toward the truck.

“Where are we going?” I asked.

“I’m not sure yet,” he admitted. “I’ll call a meeting. Hey, wait here for just a minute, okay?” He leaned me against the side of the truck and released my hand.

“Where are you going?”

“I’ll be right back,” he promised. Then he turned and sprinted through the parking lot, across the road, and into the bordering forest. He flitted into the trees, swift and sleek as a deer.

“Diego!” I yelled after him hoarsely, but he was already gone.

It was not a good time to be left alone. Seconds after Diego was out of sight, I was hyperventilating. I dragged myself into the cab of the truck, and laid down on the seats. It didn’t make me feel any better.

Jeanine was already hunting me. It was just luck that she hadn’t found me yet… just luck and five werewolves. I exhaled sharply. No matter what Diego said, the thought of him coming anywhere close to Jeanine was horrifying. I didn’t care what he could turn into when he got mad. I could see her in my head, her face wild, her dreadlocked hair like flames, deadly, indestructible...

But, according to Diego, Grant was gone. Was that really possible? Jake; I clutched automatically at my chest, had told me how difficult it was to kill a vampire. Only another vampire could do the job. Yet Diego said this was what werewolves were made for...

He said they were keeping a special eye on Scott; that I should trust the werewolves to keep my father safe. How could I trust that? None of them were safe! Diego the very least of all, if he was trying to put himself between Jeanine and Scott... between Jeanine and _me_.

I felt like I might be about to throw up again.

But then I remembered; perhaps there was a way for Jeanine to get what she wanted, without anyone else getting hurt. Perhaps, if I could just find somewhere open; she would find me. I sat up slowly, frowning as I thought quickly. If I offered to go with her freely, maybe she wouldn’t hurt anyone else. My resolve was growing, my anxiety and horror fading beneath a thick blanket of calming numbness. I mashed the locks down and slid into the driver’s seat, my key in my hand and ready to start the engine. If I could just get away before Diego got back; he wouldn’t be able to follow me into danger—

A sharp rap on the truck’s far window made me yelp in surprise and drop my keys; but it was just Diego, back already. I hesitated, and then unlocked the door with trembling fingers.

“Well, this is awkward… you weren’t thinking of doing something stupid, were you?” he asked with forced lightness as he climbed in, his eyes watching me with suspicion.

I shook my head vehemently, far too enthusiastic to be innocent. “I was just… gonna let the engine dawdle for a minute. Just ‘til you got back.” I said lightly, though I suspected from the way his eyes narrowed that he didn’t believe me. “Uh, sorry?”

“Don’t be.” He said slowly, clearing his throat pointedly as he climbed into the cab and sat himself beside me, slamming the door behind him. “We’ll take care of you… and Scott, too. I promise.” He said it with such firm authority that I knew I would have no other chances at self sacrifice. I was going to be babysat permanently.

“The idea of you finding Jeanine is scarier than the idea of her finding me,” I admitted quietly, as I ducked down to collect my keys from the floor.

He forced himself to laugh. “You’ve got to have a little more confidence in us than that. It’s insulting.” He said tightly. 

We chose not to mention what we both knew I’d really been about to do.

“Where did you go just now?” I asked, hoping to change the subject as I slid my key into the ignition and prepared to start my truck with one of it’s glorious roars.

He pursed his lips, and said nothing.

“What? Is it another secret thing?”

He frowned. “Not really. It’s kind of weird, though. I don’t want to freak you out.”

“I’m sort of used to weird by this point, you know.” I tried to smile without much success.

Diego grinned back easily. “Guess you’d have to be. Okay. See, when we’re wolves, we can... hear each other.”

My eyebrows pulled down in confusion.

“Not hear sounds,” he went on, “but we can hear... thoughts. Each other’s anyway; no matter how far away from each other we are. It really helps when we hunt, but it’s a big pain otherwise. It’s embarrassing… having no secrets like that. Freaky, eh?”

“Is that what you meant last night, when you said you would tell them you’d seen me, even though you didn’t want to?”

“You’re quick.”

“Thanks.”

“You’re also very good with weird. I thought that would bother you.”

“It... doesn’t seem so weird to me.” I hedged awkwardly, trying to avoid his eyes.

“Really...?” Diego asked with a frown, cocking his head as he examined me uncertainly.

“Well, I mean…” I tried to sound teasing as I forced a smile to my lips. “Compared to you turning into a giant black wolf? This is kind of, uh... anticlimactic.”

“Huh,” Diego hummed quietly, watching me as I toyed with my key in the ignition. “It kinda seems like you’re… trying to lie to a werewolf.” He said flippantly, his eyes flicking to my hand when my movements paused briefly.

“R-really?” I stammered, shaking my head as I made an amused snort of dismissal. “Pfft, that’s crazy… w-what kind of fool would, would possibly—”

“Oh god, Taylor, shut up before you hurt yourself.” Diego huffed, rolling his eyes. “Does your dodgy behaviour here mean your bloodsuckers can do something similar?”

“I wish you wouldn’t call them that.”

He laughed. "Whatever. The Darwin's, then?”

I pulled one arm surreptitiously around my torso, narrowing my eyes as I stared straight ahead and stubbornly locked my jaw together. This wasn't my secret to tell.

Diego looked surprised; and resigned. "I thought those were just stories… there's legends about vampires who could do; extra stuff, but I thought that was just a myth.”

“Is anything just a myth anymore?” I asked him wryly, the only confirmation I was prepared to allow.

He scowled. ”Guess not. Okay, we’re going to meet Sean and the others at the place we go to ride our bikes.”

I started the truck and headed back up the road silently, wishing I could tell Diego everything I knew he wanted to know; but unable to give up these small pieces of the family I'd wished to be a part of.

“So did you just turn into a wolf now, to talk to Sean?” I asked, curious.

Diego nodded, seeming embarrassed. "I kept it real short. I tried not to think about you so they wouldn’t know what was going on. I was afraid Sean would tell me I couldn’t bring you.”

“That wouldn’t have stopped me.” I couldn’t get rid of my perception of Sean as the bad guy. My teeth clenched together whenever I heard his name.

“Well, it would have stopped me,” Diego said, morose now. "Remember how I couldn’t finish my sentences last night? How I couldn’t just tell you the whole story?”

“Yeah. You looked like you were choking on something.”

He chuckled darkly. "Close enough. Sean told me I couldn’t tell you. He’s the head of the pack, you know. He’s the Alpha. When he tells us to do something, or not to do something… when he really means it, well, we can’t just ignore him.”

“Weird,” I muttered.

“Very,” he agreed. "It’s kind of a wolf thing.”

“Uh-huh.” The vague, polite sound was the best response I could think of.

“Yeah, there’s a load of stuff like that…" Diego babbled happily, as I drove us to the meeting. Now that he knew I didn't hate him, he seemed as happy as ever to fill my silent, broody moments. "Wolf things... I’m still learning. I can’t imagine what it was like for Sean, trying to deal with this alone. It sucks bad enough to go through it with a whole pack for support.”

“Sean was alone?”

“Yeah.” Diego’s voice lowered. "When I... changed, it was the most; awful, the most painful and terrifying thing I’ve ever been through. Worse than anything I could have imagined. But I wasn’t alone… there were the voices there; in my head, telling me what had happened and what I had to do, how to cope with it all. That kept me from losing my mind, I think. But Sean...” He shook his head. "Sean had no help.”

This was going to take some adjusting. When Diego explained it like that, it was hard not to feel compassion for Sean. I had to keep reminding myself that there was no reason to hate him anymore.

“Will they be angry that I’m with you?” I asked.

"Eh," he waved a hand and grinned over at me. "Probably.”

“Maybe I shouldn’t...” I began to object. I didn't want to get him in trouble with his pack.

“No, it’s okay,” he assured me. "You know a tonne of things that can help us. It’s not like you’re just some ignorant human." He said, nudging me playfully with his too hot, too huge hand. "You’re like a... I don’t know, spy or something. You’ve been behind enemy lines.”

I frowned to myself. Was that what Diego would want from me? Insider information to help them destroy their enemies? I wasn’t a spy, though. I hadn’t been collecting that kind of information. Already, his words made me feel like a traitor.

But I wanted him to stop Jeanine, didn’t I?

No.

I did want Jeanine to be stopped, preferably before she tortured Scott, Diego and his pack... or killed another stranger. I just didn’t want Diego to be the one to stop her, or rather to try. I didn’t want Diego within a hundred miles of her.

I needed to try and get away, if I could. Then Jeanine could have her vengeance, Diego could have his life back; and I could have my freedom from the bleak, hopelessness of a future without Jake.

"Diego," I began hesitantly, not wanting to alienate my best friend with what he might interpret as some kind of betrayal of loyalty. "I'm not gonna act as some spy…" I said slowly, licking my lips and glancing over to see he was looking at me with a frown and a raised brow. "I don't mean I won't tell you what I know about… about Jeanine, or Grant; but, I'm not going to tell you or your pack anything about Jake or the Darwin's." I held my breath, anticipating an angry retort; and exhaling in a rush when Diego instead began to laugh.

"Dude, I was not being literal." He snorted, as my expression slowly darkened, my cheeks warming with embarrassment. "I'm not expecting you to dish dirt on your…" he paused, seeming to sober somewhat; as I pretended not to know what he'd been about to say. "Look, I'm not expecting anything, okay? You wanna tell us about the female, that's fine; but, I'm not expecting you to say anything about the Darwin's… though, the others might ask." He added awkwardly, clearing his throat and scratching the back of his neck guiltily.

"I don't mind talking about what I know… but I won't tell you about anything personal to do with _them."_ I said, drawing a deep breath as the hole in my chest quivered threateningly.

Diego watched me take deep breaths for a long moment, his expression thoughtful as he studied me. "Why?" He asked suddenly.

"Why, what?" I countered, my conversational whiplash returning with a sudden wave of dizziness.

"Why not tell us?" He asked, not pressing but merely curious; I was pleased to note.

I clucked my tongue and considered how to phrase my reply, before slowly attempting to voice a feeling I'd never been able to explain to anyone accurately. "J—," I paused to wince, licking my trembling lip as I pushed away the thoughts of him which tried to smother me. " _He_ was the love of my life; of my existence, Diego… it's hard to put into words. I've never managed to do it properly before. It's like… he was this extension of me; except, I wasn't an extension of him. I'm weak and frail, and after my birthday—" I trailed off, the words sticking in my throat like toffee. "It was a reminder; that I'm too fragile to be in his world. So he left…" I said, my voice a tense whisper as my fingers gripped tightly at the wheel. "But when he did, it's like he took everything; _here_ ," I gestured to my chest quickly. "With him. I'm this hollow shell now, and every morning it's like waking up to the sudden realisation that I lost a limb and forgot." I sighed, certain my rambling would make no sense. "Ultimately; I can't bring myself to share what I know could hurt him... or any of his family."

Diego was quiet for a long pause and I glanced over to see if he was mad about my lack of willingness to spy for him. "That's how he phrased it? When he left?" He asked, turning to look out the window as if bored by the conversation. 

I guess I can understand his reluctance, I pretty much just confessed to still being loyal to his mortal enemy; who broke more than just my heart when he left. "Pretty much… what happened," I paused again, clearing my throat before forcing myself to go on. "He said it made him realise how unfair it was, I was going to end up hurt if he stayed."

"Hmm." Diego snorted, and I glanced over to see him glaring out the window with narrowed eyes. After a moment, he shook his head and turned back to me with a lopsided grin. "Well, he's an idiot." He said easily, ignoring my withering glance as he laughed.

“I'm not gonna push you for anything about your bloodsucker,” he continued, as if oblivious to my reverie. "But if there _are_ others with special abilities, that you can tell us about… well, that’s the kind of thing we need to know about. It really sucks that those stories are true. It makes everything so much more complicated." He huffed, as I blinked and tried to keep up with the conversation. "Hey, do you think this Jeanine can do anything special?”

“I… don’t think so,” I hesitated, and then sighed. "He would have known about it, I think.”

“He? Oh, you mean Jake… oops, sorry. I forgot. You don’t like to say his name. Or hear it.”

I squeezed my midsection, trying to ignore the throbbing around the edges of my chest. "Not really, no.”

“Sorry.”

“How do you know me so well, Diego?" I demanded petulantly, looking over at him accusingly. "Sometimes it’s like you can read my mind.”

“Ha, nah. I just pay attention.”

We were on the little dirt road where Diego had first taught me to ride the motorcycle.

“This good?” I asked.

“Sure, sure.”

I pulled over and cut the engine.

“You’re still pretty unhappy, aren’t you?” He murmured.

I nodded, staring unseeingly into the gloomy forest.

“Did you _ever_ think... that maybe... you’re better off?”

I inhaled slowly, and then let my breath out. "No.”

“‘Cause he wasn’t the best...”

“Please, Diego,” I interrupted, begging in a whisper. "Could we please not talk about this anymore? I've said all I can stand to for now.” I pleaded, noting the hint of hysteria in my voice.

“Okay.” He took a deep breath, noticing my failing grip on my emotions too. "I’m sorry I said that, dude… I just, I had to make sure.”

“Don’t feel bad. If things were different, it would be nice to finally be able to talk to someone about it.”

He nodded. "Yeah, I had a hard time keeping a secret from _you_ for a few days... It must be hell to not be able to talk to anyone at all.” His brow furrowed in concern as he looked over, his sympathy clear in his gaze.

“Hell,” I agreed simply, not wanting to worry him further with the truth.

Diego sucked in a sharp breath. "They’re here. Let’s go.”

“Are you sure?” I asked while he popped his door open, realising this could be my last chance to find Jeanine by myself. "Maybe I shouldn’t be here… I can just wait—” I offered, gesturing back toward the beach.

Diego looked back at me; and I knew from the set of his jaw I wasn't fooling him. “They’ll deal with it,” he said, and then he pointed at me. " _You_ get out of the damn truck and come with me." He narrowed his eyes at my lingering hesitation, wondering if I could just push him out and drive off. "I can outrun you, Taylor, even in this… stop even thinking it, and get the hell out. Don't make me come around there and _carry_ you."

I rolled my eyes and sighed, reluctantly pulling my key from my ignition. "Who’s afraid of the big, bad wolf?” I said mockingly, as I got out of the truck, trudging around my side of the truck to meet Diego at the front. I remembered only too clearly the giant monsters in the meadow, but I felt no fear of them anymore. Now I only feared _for_ them.

Diego laughed quietly and reached to take my hand, squeezing it in both warning and playfulness. "Here we go.”


	14. Confrontation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meet the wolf boys 
> 
> Choose your favorite, if that's possible hahaha
> 
> x Our love to you all x

**Confrontation**

I stood firmly be Diego’s side, my eyes scanning the forest for the other werewolves. When they appeared, striding out from between the trees, they weren’t what I was expecting. I’d gotten the image of the wolves stuck in my head. These were just four really big half-naked men.

I distantly thought that a bunch of half naked men should really be a more pleasing sight to me, but then I remembered that nothing was likely to appeal to me again. When you skipped the appetizer and went straight to the main course; you didn't want to go backwards after.

Again, they reminded me of brothers, quadruplets. Something about the way they moved almost in synchronization to stand across the road from us, the way they all had the same long, round muscles under the same tanned skin, the same cropped black hair, and the way their expressions altered at exactly the same moment.

They started out curious and cautious. When they saw me there, standing tall; well, as tall as I was able to, beside a giant like Diego, they all became furious in the same second.

Sean was still the biggest, though Diego was getting close to catching up with him. Sean was also several shades darker than them, and his face was older… not in the sense of lines or signs of aging, but in the maturity, the patience of his expression.

“What have you done, Diego?” he demanded.

One of the others, one I didn’t recognize; Kyle or Andy, thrust past Sean and spoke before Diego could defend himself.

“Why can’t you just follow the rules, Diego?” he yelled, throwing his arms in the air. "What the hell are you thinking? Is he more important than everything… than the whole tribe? Than the people getting killed?”

“He can help,” Diego said quietly.

“Help!” the angry boy shouted. His arms begin to quiver. "Oh, that’s likely! I’m sure the leech-lover is just dying to help us out!”

"Hey! Leech-lover has a damn name!" I groused back, though nobody heard me over the other two arguing. I figured that was probably a good thing.

“Don’t talk about him like that!” Diego shouted back, stung by the other man's criticism.

A shudder rippled through the other boy, along his shoulders and down his spine.

“Andy! Relax!” Sean commanded.

Andy shook his head back and forth, not in defiance, but as though he were trying to concentrate.

“Jeez, Andy,” one of the other boys; probably Kyle, muttered. "Get a grip.”

Andy twisted his head toward Kyle, his lips curling back in irritation. Then he shifted his glare in my direction. Diego took a step to put himself in front of me.

That did it.

“Right, protect _him_!” Andy roared in outrage. Another shudder, a convulsion, heaved through his body. He threw his head back, a real growl tearing from between his teeth.

“Andy!” Sean and Diego shouted together.

Andy seemed to fall forward, vibrating violently. Halfway to the ground, there was a loud ripping noise; and the man exploded.

Dark silver fur blew out from the man, coalescing into a shape more than five-times his size; a massive, crouched shape, ready to spring.

"Oh god; and you tell me _I'm_ over dramatic." I huffed at Diego, not in the least interested by Andy's display. With no voice in my head, I knew there was no real danger for me right now; and that irritated me more than anything else just now. I was having a really bad day, having a new babysitter and all; couldn't the stupid universe cut me some slack? "Hey, Jerk off… is this supposed to be impressive or something?" I called, rolling my eyes.

"Taylor," Diego sighed, rolling his head towards me in exasperation. "Do you _have_ to make things worse?"

"Hey, don't blame me." I countered with a snort, jostling his shoulder playfully despite my words and my bad mood. "I _told_ you to leave me in the truck."

"Oh yeah, 'cause that would be so smart right now, mister suicidal." Diego scoffed, ignoring the snarling beast before us as the rest of the pack watched our banter with bemused expressions.

"I am _not_ suicidal." I argued petulantly, tugging my hand free and jabbing him in the chest with it. "I'm just—"

The wolf’s muzzle wrinkled back over his teeth, and another growl rolled through his colossal chest. His dark, enraged eyes focused on me.

"Excuse _you,_ it is _rude_ to interrupt!" I turned and yelled, scowling as the massive beast dragged a giant paw across the ground and gnashed its jaws menacingly. "Oh please, behave you overgrown pup."

"Damn it…" Diego cursed suddenly, and in the same second that the Andy wolf took a single step forward, Diego was running across the road straight for the monster.

“Diego!” I yelled, scowling after him. "Hey! Don't you ignore me, jerk! Get back here!"

Diego ignored me.

Mid-stride, a long tremor shivered down Diego’s spine. He leaped forward, diving headfirst into the empty air.

With another sharp tearing sound, Diego exploded, too. He burst out of his skin; shreds of black and white cloth blasted up into the air. It happened so quickly that if I’d blinked, I’d have missed the entire transformation. "Okay, wow… that was pretty cool, dude." I admitted begrudgingly, folding my arms over my chest irritably. I had to admit, it was more than awesome; one second it was Diego diving into the air, and then it was the gigantic, black wolf… so enormous that I couldn’t make sense of its mass somehow fitting inside Diego, charging the crouched silver beast. 

Diego met the other wolf’s attack head-on. Their angry snarls echoed like thunder off the trees.

The black and white scraps; the remains of Diego’s clothes, fluttered to the ground where he’d disappeared.

“Diego!” I called again, stepping forward to follow the pair, as my previous irritation melted into genuine concern for my best friend.

“Stay where you are, Taylor,” Sean ordered.

It was hard to hear him over the roar of the fighting wolves. They were snapping and tearing at each other, their sharp teeth flashing toward each other’s throats. The Diego-wolf seemed to have the upper hand; naturally, he was my best friend for a reason, of course. He was visibly bigger than the other wolf, and it looked like he was stronger, too. He rammed his shoulder against the gray wolf again and again, knocking him back toward the trees.

“Get him to Estela’s,” Sean shouted toward the other boys, who were now watching the conflict with rapt expressions. Diego had successfully shoved the gray wolf off the road, and they were disappearing into the forest, though the sound of their snarls was still loud. Sean ran after them, kicking off his shoes on the way. As he darted into the trees, he was quivering from head to toe.

The growling and snapping was fading into the distance. Suddenly, the sound cut off and it was very quiet on the road.

One of the other men started laughing.

I turned to blink at him owlishly, my wide eyes felt heavy, like I was tired or something.

The guy seemed to be laughing at my expression. "Well, there’s something you don’t see every day,” he snickered. His face was vaguely familiar; thinner than the others... Julian Castillo.

“I do,” the other boy, Kyle, grumbled. "Every single, bloody day.”

“Aw, Andy doesn’t lose his temper every day,” Julian disagreed, still grinning. "Maybe... two out of three.”

Kyle stopped to pick something white up off the ground. He held it up toward Julian; it dangled in limp strips from his hand.

“Totally shredded,” Kyle said. "Ricardo said this was the last pair he could afford… guess Diego’s going barefoot now.”

“This one survived,” Julian said, holding up a white sneaker. "Diego can hop,” he added with a laugh.

Kyle started collecting various pieces of fabric from the dirt. "Get Sean’s shoes, will you? All the rest of this is headed for the trash.”

Julian grabbed the shoes and then jogged into the trees where Sean had disappeared. He was back in a few seconds with a pair of cut-off jeans draped over his arm. Kyle gathered the torn remnants of Diego’s and Andy’s clothes and wadded them into a ball. Suddenly, he seemed to remember me.

He looked at me carefully, assessing.

“Hey, you’re not going to faint or puke or anything?” he demanded.

"Uh, no, why?” I asked, frowning at his surprised expression.

“You aren't shocked by any of this?" He asked, frowning back at me curiously. "You really don’t look so good. Maybe you should sit down.”

“Okay,” I said simply. I turned and began to walk back to my truck, only for Kyle to hesitantly grab my shoulder.

"Yeah, nice try. Here is just fine." He said, raising a brow when I threw him an entirely too innocent look in response. "I heard Diego, 'mister suicidal'... I don't wanna have to deal with him, if you do something stupid. Sit." He said, as I huffed and rolled my eyes.

"Stupid… bossy werewolves." I muttered, as I threw myself down to sit on the ground and sulk. 

Kyle laughed.

“Diego should have warned us,” Julian complained. 

“He shouldn’t have brought his little boyfriend into this. What did he expect?” Kyle snorted.

"Hey, I am nobody's _boyfriend_ , wolf boy!" I snarked from the floor, my glare affecting him about as much as a mosquito would. "Don't make me dislike you all again, asshat..."

Kyle laughed at me again.

“Well, the wolf’s out of the bag now.” Julian sighed. "Way to go, Diego.”

I scowled between the two men who seemed to be taking this all so lightly. "Aren’t you worried about them at all?” I demanded.

Julian blinked once in surprise “Worried? Why?”

“Oh, I dunno… mauling each other, for one!” I demanded hotly, narrowing my eyes threateningly as Julian and Kyle guffawed.

“I hope Andy gets a mouthful of him,” Kyle said. "Teach him a lesson.”

I scowled and hopped up from my spot on the floor, stomping over and swatting him around the ear.

"Hey, watch it, shorty!" Kyle playfully snapped his teeth at me in retaliation, but I refused to crack a smile. 

I was mad, goddammit. I would not laugh.

“Yeah, right!” Julian disagreed. "Did you see Diego? Even Sean couldn’t have phased on the fly like that. He saw Andy losing it, and it took him, what, half a second to attack? The guy's got a gift.”

“Andy’s been fighting longer. I’ll bet you ten bucks he leaves a mark.”

“You’re on. Diego’s a natural. Andy doesn’t have a prayer.”

They shook hands, grinning.

I narrowed my eyes at the pair, my lips flicking into a brief grin as I decided to take advantage of their lapse in attention, taking a small step backward as they continued to banter in brotherly camaraderie. I looked down at the floor and managed to pick out three quiet steps, before a warm hand settled on my shoulder.

“Let’s get this one to Estela's, before he thinks he might actually sneak away with his not at all stealthy steps here. Plus, you know she’ll have food in the cupboard; it’s shopping day...” Julian looked down at me with a grin, as I scowled back at him. "Mind giving us a ride?”

“Urgh, fine!” I pouted.

Kyle raised one eyebrow. "Maybe you’d better drive, Julian. He still looks like he might hurl.”

"Do not! Am not!" I replied scathingly, ignoring Kyle's answering laughter. "Shut up!"

"Whatever... Where are the keys?” Julian asked me.

I stubbornly folded my arms over my chest, pointedly sealing my lips and looking in the opposite direction. 

“They're in the ignition.” Kyle laughed from beside the drivers window.

"Urgh, you guys are the bloody worst." I grumbled, as Julian marched me around to the far side of my truck.

He opened the passenger-side door. "In you go,” he said cheerfully, hauling me up from the ground with one hand and stuffing me into my seat. He appraised the available space. "You’ll have to ride in the back,” he told Kyle.

“That’s fine. I got a weak stomach. I don’t want to be there when he blows.”

“I bet he’s tougher than that. Dude runs with friggin' vampires.”

"You can't run with vampires..." I grumbled sourly, frowning between them when they blinked at me in confusion. "Y'know... 'cause they're fast..." I mumbled, flushing bright red as they snickered at me.

“Five bucks?” Kyle asked, as if I'd never spoken.

“Done. I feel guilty, taking all your money like this.”

Julian got in and started the engine while Kyle leapt agilely into the bed. As soon as his door was closed, Julian muttered to me, “Don’t throw up, okay? I’ve only got a ten, and if Andy got his teeth into Diego...”

“I am not gonna throw up!" I hissed back, scowling at him as he grinned. "Keep looking at me like that and I'll make myself puke on purpose… all over _you_!" I added, glancing out the back window as Kyle laughed. Great, I thought as I rolled my eyes, more eavesdroppers.

Julian drove us back toward the village.

“Hey, how did Diego get around the injunction anyway?”

“The... what?” I demanded irritably, wondering if a werewolf's main talent was to be so goddamn annoying.

“Er, the order. You know, to not spill the beans. How did he tell you about this?”

“Oh, that,” I said, frowning as I recalled Diego trying to choke out the truth to me last night. "He didn’t. I just guessed.” I muttered.

Julian pursed his lips, looking surprised. "Hmm… S’pose that would work.”

"Well, obviously." I replied waspishly, turning to glare out the window for a moment. “Where are we going?” I demanded.

“Estela’s house. She’s Sean’s girlfriend... no, fiancee, now, I guess. They’ll meet us back there after Sean gives it to them for what just happened. And after Andy and Diego scrounge up some new clothes, if Andy even has any left.” Julian explained, shaking his head fondly as I frowned thoughtfully.

“Does Estela know about... ?” I asked tentatively, gesturing towards him vaguely.

“Yeah. Oh, and hey; don’t stare at her. That bugs Sean.”

I frowned at him. “Why the hell would I stare?”

Julian looked uncomfortable. “Like you saw just now, hanging out around werewolves has its... risks, sometimes.” He changed the subject quickly. “Hey, are you okay about the whole thing with the bloodsucker from the meadow? It didn’t look like he was a friend of yours, but. .” Julian shrugged.

“No…” I said, turning away to peer through the window again as I continued in a quiet and distant voice. “He wasn’t my friend.”

“That’s good.” He said, seeming relieved that I accepted the topic diversion. “We didn’t want to start anything, break the treaty, you know.”

“Oh, yeah, Diego told me about the treaty once, a long time ago…” I mused, frowning as I watched the trees pass by, curling my arm around my chest as I decided to subtly try and learn some more about the normally taboo topic. “Why would killing Grant break the treaty?”

“Grant,” he repeated, snorting, like he was amused the vampire had had a name. “Well, we were technically on Darwin turf. We’re not allowed to attack any of them; the Darwin’s, at least, off our land… unless they break the treaty first. We didn’t know if that leech was a relative of theirs or something. Looked like you knew him...”

“How would they go about breaking the treaty?” I asked curiously, my eyes narrowing at the passing foliage; already suspecting the answer.

“If they bite a human. Diego wasn’t so keen on the idea of letting it go that far.”

“Oh.” I said indifferently, before realizing I should at least appear more grateful than I really was. “Oh, yeah... I’m uh, I’m glad you didn’t wait.” I said awkwardly.

“Our pleasure.” He sounded like he meant that in a literal sense. “But you know, the whole ‘stupid mutts’ thing kinda makes that seem like it’s a wee bit false.” He added, grinning as I turned back with a scowl.

“Is there _anyone_ who isn’t going to overhear everything I damn well say anymore?” I demanded, as Kyle laughed again in the bed of my truck. I hit the back window in retaliation, pouting when he only laughed harder at my aching hand.

“Not really.” Julian snickered as he drove past the easternmost house on the highway before turning off onto a narrow dirt road. “Your truck is slow,” he noted.

“Hey, you don’t wanna go slow; get the hell out and let me drive, asshole.”

Kyle and Julian both scoffed and laughed at me, as I sighed and rolled my eyes, propping my chin on my hand against the window and glaring at the road in silence for the remainder of the journey. At the end of the lane was a tiny house that had once been white but was now only grey. There was only one narrow window beside the weathered blue door, but the window box under it was filled with bright orange and yellow daisies, giving the whole place a cheerful look.

Julian opened the truck door and paused as he inhaled. “Ah... uh, Estela’s cooking.”

“Dare you five bucks to try it…” Kyle laughed as he jumped out of the back of the truck and headed for the door as soon as I was out of the truck, but Julian stopped him with one hand on his chest. He looked at me meaningfully, as I scowled between them both; and cleared his throat.

“I don’t have my wallet on me,” I said.

“That’s okay. I won’t forget.”

They climbed up the one step and entered the house without knocking. I followed after them reluctantly.

The front room, like Ricardo’s house, was mostly kitchen. A young woman with lightly tanned skin and long, straight, brown hair tied in a ponytail was standing at the counter by the sink, popping big muffins out of a tin and placing them on a paper plate. For one second, I thought the reason Julian had told me not to stare was because the girl was so beautiful… you know, for a girl.

And then she asked “Okay, I tried a new recipe… who’s ready to try?” In a sharp voice, and she turned to face us full on, a lopsided grin on her face.

It really wasn’t as bad as I had been expecting. Her milky white, almond-shaped right eye was clearly blinded; and a long scar marked her eyelid.

Remembering Julian’s warning, I quickly turned my eyes to the muffins in her hands. They smelled wonderful… like fresh cherries.

“Oh,” Estela said, surprised; her good eye narrowing in suspicion as she lowered the plate of muffins. “Who’s this?” She demanded tightly, her gaze sliding to Julian and Kyle.

I looked up at her; and decided to ignore the scar entirely.

“Taylor Lee,” Kyle told her, shrugging. It seemed like I’d been a topic of conversation before. “Who else?”

“Leave it to Diego to find a way around,” Estela muttered darkly, rolling her left eye in exasperation. She stared at me, and neither her sightless or blinded eyes were friendly. “So, you’re the vampire boy.” She said tightly.

I stiffened. “Yep.” I replied, folding my arms over my chest and standing to my full height. This was especially unimpressive, given that she was taller than me. “What does that make you? The wolf girl?”

She laughed, as did Julian and Kyle. Her dark left eye warmed. “I guess I am.” She admitted, as she turned to Kyle with a frown. “Where’s Sean?”

“Taylor, er, surprised Andy this morning.”

Estela rolled her good eye. “Ah, Andy,” she sighed. “Do you think they’ll be long? I was just about to start the eggs.”

“Don’t worry,” Julian told her quickly. “I uh, I think everyone already ate...”

Estela sighed, and then opened the refrigerator. “No doubt,” she agreed. She hesitated, before turning towards me. “Taylor... are you hungry? You’re welcome to help yourself to a muffin.”

“Uh, thanks.” I took one from the plate and glanced at Julian and Kyle, as they snickered quietly and peeked at me with unsubtle amusement. I started nibbling around the edges, cautious due to their behaviour; and Estela's good eye watching me intently. It was… awful. Without any kind of tact, I spat the horrid crumbs back out and coughed heavily. "Oh god, what'd you _do_? Add salt instead of sugar? Bathe them in the drains before baking them?" I demanded, shaking my head and scrubbing at my tongue in disgust.

Estela blushed darkly, pointedly looking away as I sighed and rolled my eyes.

"Step aside, woman…" I huffed in exasperation. "You have to be doing _something_ right to be getting them to smell so good." I admitted thoughtfully, brushing past Estela to look around and begin gathering up some clean bowls and utensils, while checking the oven was still turned on.

"Uh, what do you think you're doing?" Estela asked, the hint of a threat in her tone making me pause briefly. 

"Well, I'm assuming you wanted to bake muffins for your pups; so I was _going_ to give you a lesson." I drawled slowly, turning towards her and raising a brow. "Why? Are you _scared_ ..?" I taunted, my lip curling with amusement as Estela narrowed her eyes at me and _growled._ "Ha, takes more than that to scare me, Katniss." I hesitated, my hands hovering over the ingredients laid out as I stared across the room.

There was no comforting whisper, no gruff, velvet voice in my ear. I felt so close and yet, even further still. The hole in my chest stung viciously; and I drew a deep shuddering breath as I leaned against the edge of the table.

"Is this part of the _official_ process?" Estela asked, her good eye examining me carefully as I finally looked over. There was a touch of concern in her deep brown gaze, and I was ridiculously grateful at her attempt to distract me.

"Heh," I coughed weakly, shaking myself from my reverie and beginning to gather the ingredients we needed. "Only for masters. Okay, so, c'mere and watch… next time it's your turn." I said, forcing an unconvincing smirk to my lips as Estela tentatively stepped closer and watched me quickly throw together a basic muffin mix.

I beat the egg with a fork roughly and added both milk and oil; before pushing them aside to sieve some flour into a large bowl.

"Now we add just _half a teaspoon_ of salt…" I said slowly, waving said spoon before her nose, as she narrowed her eyes; though I was sure I saw her lip twitch with amusement. I dumped the salt into the flour, along with some baking powder and caster sugar; giving it a rough mix before slowly beginning to add the egg mixture.

“It’s lumpy.” Estela grumbled, frowning at the mixture dubiously as I pulled her muffin tray towards me.

“Yeah, it’s _supposed_ to be.” I snorted, rolling my eyes. “Why am I not surprised you’re an avid beater?” I muttered, as I grabbed a handful of her glace cherries and added them for a brief final batter; before tipping the mixture into the tray so they evenly filled the twelve slots. “There you go; twelve muffins, set to bake for twenty minutes…” I said, opening the oven door and sliding the tray onto the shelf. “And that is how you make cherry muffins which _don’t_ taste like shit… now, what were you saying about making eggs?” I continued blithely, already beginning to clean up the little mess I’d made.

“Do you invite yourself to just start cooking everywhere you go?” Estela asked, leaning her hip against the counter as she watched me.

“No,” I snickered, glancing at her with a sideways grin. “I’m not cooking the eggs; _you_ are… but I’ll supervise.” I said, grinning when she blushed and moved to hesitantly to take the now clean area I’d just vacated.

Estela’s kitchen was a friendly place, though the girl herself seemed somewhat prickly. Bright with white cupboards and pale wooden floorboards. On the little round table, a cracked blue-and-white china pitcher was overflowing with wildflowers. Julian and Kyle seemed entirely at ease here. I leaned against the counter and watched as Estela began mixing a humongous batch of eggs, several dozen, in a big yellow bowl. She reached for the salt, and I placed my hand over hers; squeezing her fingers together to gather just a pinch, instead of the handful she’d been about to toss in.

“How’d you learn to cook?” Estela demanded as she added the lessened amount to her eggs. “Did you do baking with your mommy as a kid?” She asked, her lips pressed into a thin line.

“God no,” I scoffed lightly, sensing the delicacy of the topic and attempting to diffuse the situation quickly. “My mom’s cooking comes with its own biohazard warning.” I explained, gently helping Estela gather the right measurements of ingredients together. “And don’t get me started on my brother… if I wanted to eat something that wouldn’t kill me growing up, I needed to make it myself.” I said flippantly, as Estela moved to the stove, scraping the egg mixture into a big skillet.

“... my mom died.” Estela said abruptly, as I blinked and glanced over at Julian and Kyle; who were studiously invested in a sudden, thorough examination of their own fingernails.

“Uh, sorry?” I said awkwardly, looking back at her to see her almost smiling as she looked up at me. 

“Thanks… normally people get all sensitive about it.” She said, nodding at me approvingly. “It’s good to know you won’t treat me like I’m made of glass.” She added, shrugging her shoulder dismissively as she began to scrape the eggs around in the skillet.

“Okay… this got weird.” I said, clearing my throat as I rose from my position against the counter and moved towards Estela’s fridge without invitation. “Are you gonna do bacon with that?” I asked, opening the fridge door and staring for a moment, before spotting and grabbing the bacon, tossing it on the side near the stove. “I’ll answer for you, yes you are.”

“Are you this bossy with everyone you just met?” Estela demanded, raising a brow at me, though I noticed her brown eye was warm with amusement.

“I’m kind of having a really shitty day, and I may or may not be compensating by being antagonistic.” I replied easily, grinning when she laughed and shook her head, returning to her eggs with a small smile.

I added the bacon to the skillet around the eggs, advising her to turn every so often; until the aroma of cherry muffins began to waft from the oven. I grabbed her oven mitts and pulled the door open, drawing out the tray of huge fluffy muffins.

“Wow…” Estela blinked, surprised by the enormous muffins as I popped them out of the tray and set them on a plate she directed me to find. “Put them on the table, they’ll be here soon, I’m sure; and this lot is almost done.” She said, tipping her head toward the table as she grabbed a bowl and a plate for the eggs and bacon.

“Wow, Estela… this all smells amazing.” Julian said cheerfully as I set the muffins on the table, before heading back to the cupboard to get more plates for everyone. “Can I try one?” He asked, looking at me as opposed to Estela, as I set the plates around the table.

“What are you asking me for?” I retorted, snorting at his expression as he glanced up at Estela, as she set the eggs and bacon on the table.

Estela just shrugged, looking distinctly awkward and uncertain as Julian snagged a muffin and bit into it tentatively. She perked considerably as he moaned appreciatively and took another bite; before stuffing the rest of the muffin in whole after it and immediately reached for another. “Save some for your brothers,” Estela chastised him, walking over and stabbing a short dagger into the table, a mere inch from his finger. I grimaced to think where she had been concealing it.

I blinked, Estela's words sinking in only aftwr she removed the blade from the table top. The word _brother_ surprised me, but the others thought nothing of it.

“Pig,” Kyle commented with a snort, reaching for a muffin to try one for himself.

The front door opened, and Sean stepped through.

“Estela,” he said, and so much love saturated his voice that I felt embarrassed, intrusive, as I watched him cross the room in one stride and take her face in his wide hands. He leaned down and kissed the scar on her right eye before he kissed her lips.

“Hey, none of that,” Kyle complained. “I’m eating.”

“Then shut up and eat,” Sean suggested, kissing Estela deeply again.

“Ugh,” Julian groaned around his mouthful of muffin.

This was worse than any romantic movie; this was so real that it sang out loud with joy and life and true love. I turned away and folded my arms across my empty chest. I stared out the window, trying to ignore the utter peace of their moment, and the wretched throbbing of my wounds.

I was grateful for the distraction when Diego and Andy came through the door, and then blinked in surprise when I saw that they were laughing. While I watched, Andy punched Diego on the shoulder and Diego went for a kidney jab in return. They laughed again. I was pleased they both appeared to be in one piece.

Diego scanned the room, his eyes stopping when he found me leaning, awkward and out of place, against the window in the far corner of the kitchen.

“Hey, dude,” he greeted me cheerfully. He ignored the various food on the table as he passed and came to stand beside me. “Sorry about before,” he muttered under his breath. “How are you holding up. ‘”

“Don’t worry, I’m okay. Cooking class.” I lied easily, jabbing my fist into his shoulder. “That is for running off to go brawl when we were mid argument!” I sniffed, pretending not to notice the way my lips twitched with amusement as he laughed. My chest felt better as soon as Diego was beside me.

“Oh, man!” Kyle wailed, interrupting us.

I looked up, and he and Julian were examining a fading pink line on Andy’s forearm. Julian was grinning, exultant.

“Twenty dollars,” he crowed.

“Did you do that?” I whispered to Diego, remembering the various bets the two had made, the most prominent being the one about Diego and Andy’s fight.

“I barely touched him.” He scoffed dismissively, reaching to grab two muffins and raising a brow at me dubiously. “He’ll be perfect by sundown.”

“By sundown?” I looked at the line on Andy’s arm. The mark already looked weeks old.

“Wolf thing,” Diego whispered.

I nodded, winking conspiratorially as I nudged him, making him laugh.

“You okay?” I asked him under my breath.

“Not a scratch on me.” His expression was smug.

“Hey, guys,” Sean said in a loud voice, interrupting all the conversations going on in the small room. Estela was at the sink, washing the various utensils that had been used for our make shift cooking lesson, but Sean still had one hand touching the small of her back, an unconscious gesture. “Diego has information for us.”

Andy looked unsurprised. Diego must have explained this to him and Sean already. Or... they’d just heard his thoughts.

“I know what the redhead wants.” Diego directed his words toward Kyle and Julian. “That’s what I was trying to tell you before.” He kicked the leg of the chair Andy had settled into.

“And?” Kyle asked.

Diego’s face got serious. “She is trying to avenge her mate… only it wasn’t the leech we killed. The Darwin’s got her mate last October.” He said, as I lowered my eyes to the floor and tried not to remember that fateful day; when my world had briefly, _almost_ touched Jake’s. “She’s after Taylor now.”

This wasn’t news to me, but I shivered nonetheless; and for an entirely different reason than what I knew they would all assume. I wasn’t scared of Jeanine finding me anymore, hell, I mostly wanted her to at this point; but I was scared to remember the love I thought I’d been a part of… and I was scared for my friend.

I could feel Kyle, Julian, and Estela turn to stare at me, with what I was sure was open-mouthed surprise.

“But… he’s just a guy,” Julian protested.

“I didn’t say it made sense. But that’s why the bloodsucker’s been trying to get past us. She’s been heading for Cedar Cove.”

They continued to stare at me, mouths still hanging open, for a long moment. I kept my eyes on the floor; pretending I didn’t feel their eyes on me.

“Excellent,” Kyle finally said, a smile beginning to pull up the corners of his mouth. “We’ve got bait.”

I felt my lips twitch as I peeked up at Kyle. “I like you again now.” I said, and he laughed at my playful wink.

With stunning speed, Diego yanked a can opener from the counter and launched it at Kyle’s head. Kyle’s hand flicked up faster than I would have thought possible, and he snagged the tool just before it hit his face. “Taylor is not bait.” Diego hissed darkly, throwing me a disparaging look for my encouragement. I shrugged, unaffected by his exasperation.

“You know what I mean,” Kyle said, unabashed. “Besides, he’s up for it.”

“He’s an idiot. He doesn’t get a say.” Diego countered, biting into his muffin with an irritated scowl at me, before he moaned and quickly devoured the rest of the muffin in three bites.

“So we’ll be changing oar patterns,” Sean said, ignoring their squabble. “We’ll try leaving a few holes, and see if she falls for it. We’ll have to split up, and I don’t like that. But if she’s really after Taylor, she probably won’t try to take advantage of our divided numbers.”

“Tom’s got to be close to joining us,” Julian murmured. “Then we’ll be able to split evenly.”

Everyone looked down. I glanced at Diego’s face, and it was hopeless, like it had been yesterday afternoon, outside his house. No matter how comfortable they seemed to be with their fate, here in this happy kitchen, none of these werewolves wanted the same fate for their friend.

“Well, we won’t count on that,” Sean said in a low voice, and then continued at his regular volume. “Andy, Kyle, and Julian will take the outer perimeter, and Diego and I will take the inner. We’ll collapse in when we’ve got her trapped.”

I noticed that Estela didn’t particularly like that Sean would be in the smaller grouping. Her worry had me glancing up at Diego, worrying, too.

Sean caught my eye. “Diego thinks it would be best if you spent as much time as possible here in Hartfeld. She won’t know where to find you so easily, just in case.”

“What about Scott?” I demanded. I was abruptly irritated again, annoyed that I had landed myself with permanent babysitters. If they thought I was going to let Jeanine get to Scott while I hid then they were sorely mistaken.

“There’s a fishing competition still going,” Diego said thoughtfully. “I think Ricardo and Charlie can manage to keep Scott down here when he’s not at work.”

“Wait,” Sean said, holding one hand up. His glance flickered to Estela and then back to me. “That’s what Diego thinks is best, but you need to decide for yourself. You should weigh the risks of both options very seriously. You saw this morning how easily things can get dangerous here, how quickly they get out of hand. If you choose to stay with us, I can’t make any guarantees about your safety.”

“You can’t let him decide!” Diego protested, though his voice was muffled by the mouthful of muffin. “He’s an idiot! He was going to give himself up to her!”

“We can still keep that from happening, regardless of what he chooses. We’ll put a tail on him.” Sean countered, glancing pointedly at Estela before looking back at Diego. “But it might not be any safer for him to be around here.” He said meaningfully, raising a brow at Diego.

“I won’t hurt him,” Diego mumbled, looking down with a guilty flush.

Sean acted as if he hadn’t heard him speak. “If there was somewhere else you felt safe...”

I bit my lip. Where could I go that wouldn’t put someone else in danger? I recoiled from the idea of bringing Julia or Jordan into this; pulling them into the circle of the target I wore… It had been bad enough when Rex had pretended to have kidnapped my brother; even if he still wasn’t speaking to me, I wasn’t about to involve him in anything which might get him hurt. “I won’t lead Jeanine anywhere else,” I said irritably.

Sean nodded. “That’s smart. It’s better to have her here, where we can end this.”

I flinched. I didn’t want Diego or any of the rest of them trying to end Jeanine. I glanced at Diego’s face; it was relaxed, almost the same as I remembered it from before the onset of the wolf thing, and utterly unconcerned by the idea of hunting vampires.

“You’ll be careful, right?” I asked, frowning at my best friends flippancy at hunting things which I couldn’t believe he was necessarily safe to go up against.

The others burst into loud hoots of amusement. Everyone laughed at me… except Estela. She met my eyes, and I could suddenly see the symmetry underlying her dark eyes. Her face was alive with a concern even more fierce than my own. I had to look away, before the love behind that concern could start me aching again.

“Enough planning. Eat.” She ordered then, and the strategic conversation was history. The guys moved slowly to surround the table; which looked tiny and in danger of being crushed by them. I shoved Diego forward with the others and he sucked in a deep breath as he served himself an above average helping, before digging in quickly. At his surprised and eager groan, the others began to eat and soon devoured the buffet-sized pan of eggs Estela placed in their midst in record time. Estela ate leaning against the counter like me… avoiding the bedlam at the table; and watched them with affectionate eyes. Her expression clearly stated that this was her family.

All in all, it wasn’t exactly what I’d been expecting from a pack of werewolves.

I spent the day in Hartfeld, the majority of it in Ricardo’s house. He left a message on Scott’s phone and at the station, and Scott showed up around dinnertime with two pizzas. It was good he brought two of the largest available; Diego ate one all by himself.

I saw Scott eyeing the two of us suspiciously all night, especially the much-changed Diego. He asked about the hair; Diego shrugged and told him it was just more convenient.

I knew that as soon as Scott and I were headed home, Diego would take off. Off to run around as a wolf, as he had done intermittently throughout the entire day. He and his brothers of sorts kept up a constant watch, looking for some sign of Jeanine’s return. But since they’d chased her away from the hot springs last night; chased her halfway to Canada, according to Diego, she’d yet to make another foray.

I had no hope at all that she might be smart and get through their defences; to take me quietly and without a fuss. I didn’t have that kind of luck.

Diego walked me to my truck after dinner and lingered by the window, waiting for Scott to drive away first.

“Don’t be stupid tonight, and don’t worry, okay?” Diego said, while Scott pretended to be having trouble with his seat belt. “We’ll be out there, watching.” He added pointedly.

“I won’t worry about myself,” I promised, shrugging my shoulder as he scowled at me. “And what the hell am I gonna be able to do exactly, with one of you lot watching me all the time?” I added with a sigh.

“You’re silly. Hunting vampires is fun. It’s the best part of this whole mess.” He said, ignoring my question.

I snorted and shook my head. “If I’m silly, then you’re dangerously unbalanced.”

“Says the suicidal asshole, who was willing to give himself up to deranged bloodsuckers.” He chuckled. “Get some rest, dude. You look exhausted.”

“I’ll try.”

Scott honked his horn impatiently.

“See you tomorrow,” Diego said. “Come down first thing.”

“Yeah, yeah.” I muttered petulantly, rolling my eyes as I got into my truck.

Scott followed me home. I paid scant attention to the lights in my rear view mirror. Instead, I wondered where Sean, Kyle, Julian and Andy were; out running in the night. I wondered if Diego had joined them yet.

When we got home, I hurried for the stairs, but Scott was right behind me.

“What’s going on, Taylor?” he demanded before I could escape. “I thought Diego was part of a gang and you two were fighting.”

I groaned internally and reluctantly turned towards him. “We got over it?” I offered weakly.

“And the gang?”

“I don’t know… who can understand those guys? They’re a mystery. But I met Sean Gayle and his fiancee, Estela. They seemed pretty nice to me.” I shrugged.”Must have all been a misunderstanding.”

His face changed. “I hadn’t heard that he and Estela had made it official. That’s nice. Poor girl.”

“Do you know what happened to her?”

“She was hunting up north with some family and friends, during salmon spawning season and came across a bear; knocked her weapon away and though she dodged the worst of it, the damn thing still got her eye… horrible accident. Sean heard her scream and ran to help; got her gun and shot the damn thing. It was more than a year ago now. I heard Sean was really messed up over it for some time.”

“That’s horrible,” I echoed. More than a year ago. I’d bet that meant it had happened when there was just one werewolf in Hartfeld. I shuddered at the thought of how Sean must have felt every time he looked at Estela’s ruined eye.

That night, I lay awake for a long time trying to sort through the day. I worked my way backward through dinner with Ricardo, Diego, and Scott, to the long afternoon in the Soto’s house, waiting anxiously to hear something from Diego; to Estela’s kitchen, to the horror of the werewolf fight, to talking with Diego on the beach.

I thought about what Diego had said early this morning, about hypocrisy. I thought about that for a long time. I didn’t like to think that I was a hypocrite, only what was the point of lying to myself?

I curled into a tight ball. No, Jake wasn’t a killer. Even in his darker past, he’d never been a murderer of innocents, at least.

But what if he had been? What if, during the time I that I’d known him, he’d been just like any other vampire? What if people had been disappearing from the woods, just like now? Would that have kept me away from him?

I shook my head sadly. Love is irrational, I reminded myself. The more you loved someone, the less sense anything made.

I rolled over and tried to think of something else… and I thought of Diego and his brothers, out running in the darkness. I fell asleep imagining the wolves, invisible in the night, guarding me from danger. When I dreamed, I stood in the forest again, but I didn’t wander. I was holding Estela’s hand as we faced into the shadows and waited anxiously for our werewolves to come home.

  
  



	15. Breaking Point

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Taylor and I vibe rn
> 
> Hope you enjoy
> 
> Please let u know if you do. It brings us encouragement and assurance that the makes you all happy as it does us
> 
> x Our love to you all x  
> ✲ﾟ｡.(✿╹◡╹)ﾉ♡.｡₀:*ﾟ✲ﾟ

**Breaking Point**

When I woke up on Sunday morning, I lay in bed for a few seconds; as I always tended to now, absorbing the fact that last October, I’d been hunted by a vampire. Now I was being hunted by the dead bastards mate; and I couldn't even just give myself up quietly thanks to the stupid wolves protecting me. 

I did hope this wasn’t some kind of tradition forming. I really didn't want to keep endangering the people I loved; having them in between the psychopathic, immortal assholes always hunting me.

Already I was falling into the pattern of things in Hartfeld. I’d spent Saturday mostly on the beach, while Scott hung out with Ricardo at the Sotos' house. I was supposed to be with Diego, but Diego had other things to do, so I wandered alone, keeping the secret from Scott. Of course, I always had a wolf always somewhere nearby to make sure I didn't do anything stupid; but it wasn't the same as an actual best friend to talk to.

When Diego dropped in to check on me, he apologized for ditching me so much. He told me his schedule wasn’t always this crazy, but until Jeanine was stopped, the wolves were on red alert.

When we walked along the beach now, he always held my hand or threw his arm around my shoulders to keep me warm, seeing as I had normally frozen through by then.

This made me brood over what Kyle had said, about Diego involving his “little boyfriend.” I supposed that that was exactly what it looked like from the outside. As long as Diego and I knew how it really was, I shouldn’t let those kinds of assumptions bother me; and I felt faintly guilty for my original outburst. Diego certainly never seemed bothered by it, and I knew he wouldn't hesitate to set folk straight about my eternal state of bachelorhood.

I worked Monday afternoon. Diego followed me on his bike to make sure I arrived safely; and Caleb noticed.

“Are you dating that guy from Hartfeld?” He asked, poorly disguising the resentment in his tone.

I shrugged. "Not that it's any of your business, _Mitchell—"_ I paused, tensing at the familiar flare of pain itching at the edge of the hole in my chest. "I do actually spend most of my time with Diego, though. He’s my best friend.”

Caleb’s eyes narrowed shrewdly. "Don’t kid yourself, Taylor. The guy’s head over heels for you.”

"No, he _isn't_!" I snapped back, startling Caleb with the force of my rebuttal. "Not everyone is after a piece of _this!"_ I yelled, gesturing at my ass. "Diego has been my best friend since we were infants, you cretin! Stop _sullying_ that with your sordid theories and _grow up_!" I fumed, turning on my heel and stalking away to find something to do in the store.

“Think I preferred when he was crazy in silence…" Caleb said under his breath as I left.

I supposed that was one way to take my outburst.

That night, Sean and Estela joined Scott and me for dessert at Ricardo’s house. Estela brought a cake that would have won over a harder man than Scott. I had talked her through the process on the phone; and she was practically glowing with pride when I praised her 'natural' skills at baking. I could see, as the conversation flowed naturally through a range of casual subjects, that any worries Scott might have harbored about gangs in Hartfeld were being dissolved.

Diego and I skipped out early, to get some privacy. We went out to his garage and sat in the Impala. Diego leaned his head back, his face drawn with exhaustion.

“You need some sleep, Diego.”

“I’ll get around to it.”

He reached over and took my hand. His skin was blazing on mine.

“Is that one of those wolf things?” I asked him. "The heat, I mean.”

“Yeah. We run a little warmer than the normal people. About one-oh-eight, one-oh-nine. I never get cold anymore. I could stand like this," he gestured to his bare torso, "in a snowstorm and it wouldn’t bother me. The flakes would turn to rain where I stood.”

“And you all heal fast… that’s a wolf thing, too?”

“Yeah, wanna see? It’s pretty cool.” His eyes flipped open and he grinned. He reached around me to the glove compartment and dug around for a minute. His hand came out with a pocketknife.

“No, I do not want to see!” I shouted as soon as I realized what he was thinking. "Put that away!” I scowled at him, swatting his arm irritably. "What the hell is wrong with you, jerk?"

Diego chuckled, but shoved the knife back where it belonged. "Fine. It’s a good thing we heal, though. You can’t go see just any doctor when you’re running a temperature that should mean you’re dead.”

“No, I guess not.” I thought about that for a minute. "So, being so big… that’s part of it? Is that why you’re all worried about Tom?”

“That and the fact that Tom’s grandfather says the guy could fry an egg on his forehead.” Diego’s face turned hopeless. "It won’t be long now. There’s no exact age; it just builds and builds and then suddenly...” He broke off, and it was a moment before he could speak again. "Sometimes, if you get really upset or something, that can trigger it early. But I wasn’t upset about anything… I was happy.” He laughed bitterly. "Because of you, mostly. Because we were hanging out and our friendship came back… because it seemed to be helping you. That’s why it didn’t happen to me sooner. Instead it just kept on building up inside me; I was like a time bomb. You know what set me off? That _asshole_ Brian. His stupid slight made me so angry... and then when I got back from that; Ricardo said I looked weird. That was all he said, but I just snapped. And then I… I exploded. I almost ripped his face off; my own father!” He shuddered, and his face paled.

“Is it really bad, Diego?” I asked curiously, wishing I had some way to help him. "Are you miserable?”

“No, I’m not miserable,” he told me. "Not anymore. Not now that you know. _That_ was hard, before.” He leaned over so that his chin was resting on top of my head.

He was quiet for a moment, and I wondered what he was thinking about. “What’s the hardest part?” I asked, wishing I could help somehow.

“The hardest part is feeling... out of control,” he said slowly. "Feeling like I can’t be sure of myself… like maybe you shouldn’t be around me, like maybe nobody should. Like I’m a monster who might hurt somebody. You’ve seen Estela. Sean lost control of his temper for just one second; and she was standing too close. She avoided a lot of it, but now there’s nothing he can ever do to put it right again. He remembers that her vision has been halved; because of him, every time he sees her. I hear his thoughts… I know what that feels like…"

He paused, taking a deep breath as he shivered; though obviously not from the cold. “Who wants to be a nightmare, a monster?" He muttered, as I tried to hide a wince, forcefully reminded of another who didn't want to be a monster.

“And then, the way it comes so easily to me, the way I’m better at it than the rest of them…" Diego continued obliviously. "Does that make me even less human than Julian, or Sean? Sometimes I’m afraid that I’m losing myself.”

“Is it hard?" I asked distantly, trying to fight off the memory of a time I had _wanted_ to lose myself. To become a being of myth, of beauty; to be worthy of _him._ "To find yourself again?”

“At first,” he said. "It takes some practice to phase back and forth. But it’s easier for me.”

“Why?” I wondered.

“Because Ortiz Soto was my father’s grandfather, and Tom Sato was my mother’s grandfather.”

“Tom?” I asked in confusion.

“His great-grandfather,” Diego clarified. "The Tom you know is my second cousin.”

“But why does it matter who your great-grandfathers are?”

“Because Ortiz and Tom were in the last pack. Elijah Gayle was the third. It’s in my blood on both sides. I never had a chance. Like Tom doesn’t have a chance.”

His expression was bleak.

“What’s the very best part?” I asked, hoping to cheer him up.

“The best part,” he said, suddenly smiling again, “is the speed.”

I rolled my eyes; he was growing to be more like Jake than ever. “Better than the motorcycles?”

He nodded, enthusiastic. "There’s no comparison.”

“How fast can you... ?”

“Run?” he finished my question. "Fast enough. What can I measure it by? We caught... what was his name? Grant? I imagine that means more to you than it would to someone else.”

It did mean something to me. I couldn’t imagine that… the wolves running faster than a vampire. When the Darwin's... when _Jake_ ran, they all but turned invisible with speed.

“So, tell me something I don’t know,” he said. "Something about vampires. How did you stand it, being around them? Didn’t it creep you out?”

“No,” I said curtly, turning slightly away from him as my eyes stung. My tone or my behaviour made him thoughtful for a moment.

“Say, why’d your bloodsucker kill that Rex, anyway?” He asked suddenly.

“Rex was trying to kill me… it was like a game for him." I said, frowning as I glanced back at him. "He lost." I added pointedly, as Diego snorted. "Do you remember October, when I was in the hospital down in Sunset Beach?”

Diego sucked in a breath. "He got that close?”

“He got very, very close.” I stroked my scar. Diego noticed, because he held the hand I moved.

“What’s that?” He traded hands, examining my right. "This is your funny scar, the… cold one.” He looked at it closer, with new eyes, and gasped.

“Yeah. That close.” I sighed, closing my eyes and trying to fight off the rejection and pain which swarmed me. "Rex bit me.”

His eyes bulged, and his face turned a strange, sallow color under the tanned surface. He looked like he was about to be sick.

“But if he bit you... ? Shouldn’t you be... ?” He choked.

“Jake saved me twice… he didn't want me as a...” I whispered, breaking off when the words stuck in my throat. "He sucked the venom out… you know, like with a rattlesnake.” I finished roughly, twitching as the pain lashed around the edges of the hole.

But I wasn’t the only one twitching. I could feel Diego’s whole body trembling next to mine. Even the car shook.

“Careful, Diego." I said as I realised what was happening. "Easy… Calm down.”

“Yeah,” he panted. "Calm.” He shook his head back and forth quickly. After a moment, only his hands were shaking.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, almost. Tell me something else. Give me something else to think about.”

“What do you want to know?”

“I don’t know.” He had his eyes closed, concentrating. "The extra stuff I guess. Did any of the other Darwin's have... extra talents? Like the legends?”

I hesitated a second. This felt like a question he would ask of his spy, not his friend; and we had already established that I wasn't going to play informant for him.

I started speaking quickly, the image of Estela’s ruined face in my mind, and the hair rising on my arms. I couldn’t imagine how the russet wolf would fit inside the Impala… Diego would tear the whole garage apart if he changed now.

“I told you I wouldn't tell you about them,” I said, jabbing his shoulder weakly. "But I know Rex had a talent for tracking, he always found his prey; and he was smart...”

I couldn't continue long, my thoughts turning to Jake, Kele and Quinn. Quinn, with her visions of the future; like how she’d seen me dying... and she’d seen me becoming one of them. Two things that had not happened. And one of them, now never would. My head started to spin, my throat tightening as the thought of everything I had lost sank in… I couldn’t seem to pull in enough oxygen from the air. I had no lungs with which to store it.

Diego was entirely in control now, very still beside me.

“Why do you do that?” he asked. He tugged lightly at one of my arms, which was bound around my chest, and then gave up when it wouldn’t come loose easily. I hadn’t even realized I’d moved them. "You do that when you’re upset. Why?”

“It hurts to think about them… it hurts so much, Diego.” I whispered. "It’s like I can’t breathe... like I’m breaking into pieces...” It was bizarre how much I could tell Diego now, after having to keep everything inside so long. "I _miss_ them all so damn much… I _love_ them all. Diego, you can't imagine, this… emptiness I feel without them."

"Without them?" Diego asked hesitantly, seeming torn as to whether he wanted to know the reply. "Or without _him_?" He pressed, squeezing me gently when I flinched. "Is that why you wanted to give yourself up to the redhead?"

"No!" I protested, before shrugging uncertainly. "Not… entirely." I hedged. "It's hard to put into words, Diego…" I said, appalled by the tremor I could hear in my voice.

He smoothed my hair. "It’s okay, dude, it’s okay. I won’t bring it up again. I’m sorry.”

“I’m fine.” I lied, as he snorted and rolled his eyes. "Happens all the time." I admitted tensely. "But, it's not your fault.” I assured.

Diego seemed to hesitate, before frowning at me curiously. "Can I ask you one more..?" He asked, biting his lip briefly before continuing. "A-about _him_..?"

"Sure, heh, why not?" I gasped, trying to sound amused and failing miserably.

"You said… 'he didn't want you as a,' but, I don't get it…" he said, still frowning. "Wouldn't that be easier?"

"Mike said…" I winced; thinking about Mike was so hard too. "He said Jake didn't want to steal my soul… didn't want me to be a monster, or to have to fight with one inside of myself. Like _they_ do." I explained, ignoring the wet tracks I could feel forming over my cheeks. “On m-my birthday, h-he said… he said I was 'giving him everything, just by breathing'.” I choked the words out, desperate to hear the words again; to convince myself of that beautiful lie again. That he’d loved me, at least for a little while.

"Why do they do it?" Diego asked intently; and I could see he was desperately invested in the answer. "Why do they reject their nature and… hell, why is the leader a damn _doctor_?" He asked, his brow furrowed in frustrated confusion. 

"Same reason you avoided me, when you changed." I said quietly, looking over at him hollowly. "They don't _want_ to be monsters… Mike had it forced onto him; but he never killed a human. He turned Jake, who was about to die from wounds sustained in World War One… then Grace; she had thrown herself off a cliff, after her whole family died around her. Zahra, Jake found after she was hurt. He took her to Mike. Zahra found Craig after he was mauled by a bear; she carried him to Mike too."

"So… they took people about to die; people who'd had their lives stolen from them..." Diego murmured thoughtfully. I was relieved to see that he could be so rational about it.

"And gave them new life." I replied, sniffing as my empty chest throbbed. "Mike hates to see lives wasted… he hates that he can't help at all hours. That he has to take time off, for appearances." I said tightly. 

"Huh…" he hummed thoughtfully, shaking his head slowly in bemusement. "I guess when you talk about them like that, its harder to remember they're supposed to be my enemy." He mused, as I looked over at him in surprise.

My throat constricted for a moment, my absentee heart fluttering weakly with gratitude. “Thank you.” I said thickly, scrubbing my face roughly with my arm, before quickly clamping it around my chest again before I could fall apart.

“So… the other two,” Diego began after allowing me a moment to hide the evidence of my emotional state. “Were they..?”

“They were different.” I sighed, looking away as my eyes grew tired from the still escaping tears. “Quinn knew nothing of her human life. She woke up alone, with nobody to explain, nobody to help or guide her.” I sniffed, wiping my eyes again more discreetly as I continued to look away from him. “She found Kele, who… I don’t know much about, I admit. But he’s troubled.” I said, frowning as I reluctantly looked back. “Sometimes he looks like he’s struggling so hard, unbelievably hard. But he does it. He’s very sensitive.” I said, biting my lip and closing my eyes as I remembered the last time I’d seen him; his eyes wild as he tried to kill me on my birthday.

Diego seemed to sense that I'd said as much as I could about them, at least for this session. He sighed and remained quiet for some time; absorbing what I’d told him as he squeezed my shoulders and made soothing sounds of comfort for me.

“We’re a pretty messed-up pair, aren’t we?” He snorted some time later, nudging me playfully until I looked up at him. "Neither one of us can hold our shape together right.”

“Pathetic,” I agreed, still slightly breathless.

“At least we have each other,” he said, clearly comforted by the thought.

I was comforted, too. "At least there’s that,” I agreed.

And when we were together, it was fine. But Diego had a horrible, dangerous job he felt compelled to do; and so I was often alone, stuck in Hartfeld with my invisible babysitter’s slash protectors for safety, with nothing to do to keep my mind off any of my worries.

I felt awkward, always taking up space at Ricardo’s. I did some studying for another Programming exam that was coming up next week, but I could only look at coding for so long. When I didn’t have something obvious to do in my hands, I felt like I ought to be making conversation with Ricardo… the pressure of normal societal rules. But Ricardo wasn’t one for filling up the long silences, and so the awkwardness continued.

I tried hanging out at Estela’s place Wednesday afternoon, for a change. At first it was kind of nice. Estela was a busy person who never sat still. I drifted behind her while she flitted around her little house and yard,, fixing a broken hinge, weapons training; which was amazing to watch. She offered to spar with me once, but I managed to almost scalp myself with one of her daggers, and she decided we were better off relearning my limited hand to hand; weapons free, self defense. Recalling Brian’s confession to Diego; I was more than willing to take a refresher course. We had a cooking lesson, too. She complained lightly about the increase in the wolves appetites from all their extra running, but it was easy to see that she really didn’t mind taking care of them; especially with her cooking skills on the rise. It wasn’t hard to be with her when it was just us… but then, there was also a major downside to hanging around with Estela.

The downside; was that Sean checked in after I’d been there for a few hours. I only stayed long enough to ascertain that Diego was fine and there was no news, and then I had to escape. The aura of love and contentment that surrounded them was harder to take in concentrated doses, with no one else around to dilute it.

So that left me wandering the beach, pacing the length of the rocky crescent back and forth, again and again.

Alone time wasn’t good for me. Thanks to the new honesty with Diego, I’d been talking and thinking about the Darwin’s way too much. No matter how I tried to distract myself; and I had plenty to think of, I was honestly and desperately worried about Diego and his wolf-brothers, plus, I was terrified for Scott and the others who thought they were hunting animals. None of these very real, very deserving of thought, very pressing concerns could take my mind off the pain in my chest for long. Eventually, I couldn’t even walk anymore, because I couldn’t breathe. I sat down on a patch of semi-dry rocks and curled up in a ball.

Diego found me like that, and I could tell from his expression that he understood.

“Sorry,” he said right away. He pulled me up from the ground and wrapped both arms around my shoulders. I hadn’t realized that I was cold until then. His warmth made me shudder, but at least I could breathe with him there.

“I’m neglecting you,” Diego accused himself as we walked back up the beach.

“No, you’re not. It’s not like you’re... not doing important things…” I said, despite the fact we both knew I didn’t want him out there at all. We also both knew there was a much easier way to get Jeanine to leave, though Diego refused to let me ever voice the idea. “We didn’t have any plans, anyway, dude.”

“I’ll take tomorrow morning off.” He said decisively. “The others can run without me. We’ll do something fun.”

The word seemed out of place in my life right now, barely comprehensible, bizarre. “Fun?” I asked, cocking my head in confusion.

“Fun is exactly what you need. Hmm...” he gazed out across the heaving gray waves, deliberating. As his eyes scanned the horizon, he had a flash of inspiration. “Got it!” he crowed. “Another promise to keep.”

“What are you talking about?”

He let go of my hand and pointed toward the southern edge of the beach, where the flat, rocky half-moon dead-ended against the sheer sea cliffs. I stared, uncomprehending.

“Didn’t I promise to take you cliff diving?” He asked with a smirk.

I shivered with anticipation, though Diego mistook the gesture.

“Yeah, it’ll be pretty cold, but, not as cold as it is today. Can you feel the weather changing? The pressure? It will be warmer tomorrow. You up for it?”

The dark water did not look inviting, and, from this angle, the cliffs looked even higher than before.

But it had been days since I’d heard Jake’s voice. That was probably part of the problem. I was addicted to the sound of my delusions. It made things worse if I went too long without them. Jumping off a cliff was certain to remedy that situation.

“Dude, of _course_ I’m up for it.” I scoffed, grinning with relief as I found myself abruptly able to breathe; like the decision making and the realisation that I would soon hear my delusions again, had unlocked the vice around my lungs. “Fun.”

“It’s a play date, jerk.” He said, laughing as he draped his warm arm around my shoulders.

“Whatever you say, bitch.” I huffed, rolling my eyes briefly. “Now, let’s go get you some sleep.” I added firmly. I didn’t like the way the circles under his eyes were beginning to look permanently etched onto his skin.

I woke early the next morning and snuck a change of clothes out to the truck. I had a feeling that Scott would approve of today’s plan just about as much as he would approve of the motorcycle.

The idea of a distraction from all my worries had me almost excited. Maybe it would be fun. A play date with Diego, a voice date with Jake… I wondered briefly if that meant I was getting oral; but I wrote it off as excited hysteria. I laughed darkly to myself as I headed to his house. Diego could say what he wanted about us being a messed-up pair...I was the one who was truly messed up. I made the werewolf seem downright normal.

I expected Diego to meet me out front, the way he usually did when my noisy truck announced my arrival. When he didn’t, I guessed that he might still be sleeping. I instantly decided I would wait; let him get as much rest as he could. He needed his sleep, and that would give the day time to warm a bit more. Diego had been right about the weather, though; it had changed in the night. A thick layer of clouds pressed heavily on the atmosphere now, making it almost sultry; it was warm and close under the gray blanket. I left my sweater in the truck.

I knocked quietly on the door.

“C’mon in, Taylor,” Ricardo said.

He was at the kitchen table, eating cold cereal.

“Diego sleeping?”

“Er, no.” He set his spoon down, and his eyebrows pulled together.

“What happened?” I demanded. I could tell from his expression that something had.

“Julian, Kyle, and Andy crossed a fresh trail early this morning. Sean and Diego took off to help. Sean was hopeful… she’s hedged herself in beside the mountains. He thinks they have a good chance to finish this.”

“Oh, no, Ricardo,” I whispered. “Oh, those idiots....”

He chuckled, deep and low. “Do you really like Hartfeld so well that you want to extend your sentence here?”

“Don’t make jokes, Ricardo. This is too irritating for that.”

“I think most people would have used the word ‘scary,’ personally,” he disagreed, though he was still complacent. His ancient eyes were impossible to read. “This one’s tricky.” He finally sighed.

I bit my lip. 

“It’s not as dangerous for them as you think it is. Sean knows what he’s doing. _You’re_ the one that you should worry about. The vampire doesn’t want to fight them. She’s just trying to find a way around them... to _you_.” I knew Ricardo was trying to placate me, to reason with me on some level; but instead all he managed to do was annoy me further.

“How does Sean know what he’s doing?” I demanded, brushing aside his concern for me in my frustration. “They’ve only killed just the _one_ vampire… that could have been luck.” I grumbled, though I knew better than to voice my thoughts on letting Jeanine find me and end this whole, stupid charade quickly. 

Well, for them at least. I had no doubts what lay ahead of me, should the crazy wench find me.

“We take what we do very seriously, Taylor. Nothing’s been forgotten. Everything they need to know has been passed down from father to son for generations.”

That didn’t comfort me the way he probably intended it to. The memory of Jeanine, wild, catlike, lethal, was too strong in my head. If she couldn’t get around the wolves, she would eventually try to go through them. Why was everyone so determined to ignore that very real danger?

Ricardo went back to his breakfast; I sat down on the sofa and flipped aimlessly through the TV channels. That didn’t last long. I started to feel closed in by the small room, claustrophobic, upset by the fact that I couldn’t see out of the curtained windows.

“I’ll be at the beach,” I told Ricardo abruptly, and hurried out the door.

Being outside didn’t help as much as I’d hoped. The clouds pushed down with an invisible weight that kept the claustrophobia from easing. The forest seemed strangely vacant as I walked toward the beach. I didn’t see any animals; no birds, no squirrels. I couldn’t hear any birds, either. The silence was eerie; there wasn’t even the sound of wind in the trees.

I knew it was all just a product of the weather, but it still made me edgy. The heavy, warm pressure of the atmosphere was perceptible even to my weak human senses, and it hinted at something major in the storm department. A glance at the sky backed this up; the clouds were churning sluggishly despite the lack of breeze on the ground. The closest clouds were a smoky gray, but between the cracks I could see another layer that was a gruesome purple color. The skies had a ferocious plan in store for today. The animals must be bunkering down.

As soon as I reached the beach, I wished I hadn’t come. I’d already had enough of this place. I’d been here almost every day, wandering alone. Was it so much different from my nightmares? But where else to go? I trudged down to the driftwood tree, and sat at the end so that I could lean against the tangled roots. I stared up at the angry sky broodingly, waiting for the first drops to break the stillness.

I tried not to think about the danger which Diego and his friends were in. Because nothing could happen to Diego. The thought was unendurable. I’d lost too much already; would fate take the last few shreds of peace left behind? That seemed unfair, out of balance. But maybe I’d violated some unknown rule, crossed some line that had condemned me. Maybe it was wrong to be so involved with myths and legends, to turn my back on the human world. Maybe… this whole situation was born of my love for a vampire, of my desperate wish to be like him and remain by his side. Maybe he had been right to cast me aside.

I sighed and forced such thoughts away, shaking my head determinedly. No. Nothing would happen to Diego. I had to believe that or I wouldn’t be able to function. If things didn’t improve soon; I’d find a way to escape my guards and let Jeanine come for me.

“Argh!” I groaned, and jumped off the log. I couldn’t sit still; it was worse than pacing.

I’d really been counting on hearing Jake this morning. It seemed like that was the one thing that might make it bearable to live through this day. The hole had been festering lately, like it was getting revenge for the times that Diego’s presence had tamed it. The edges burned fiercely.

The waves picked up as I paced, beginning to crash against the rocks, but there was still no wind. I felt pinned down by the pressure of the storm. Everything swirled around me, but it was perfectly still where I stood. The air had a faint electric charge; I could feel the static in my hair against my forehead.

Farther out, the waves were angrier than they were along the shore. I could see them battering against the line of the cliffs, spraying big white clouds of sea foam into the sky. There was still no movement in the air, though the clouds roiled more quickly now. It was eerie looking… like the clouds were moving by their own will. I shivered, though I knew it was just a trick of the pressure.

The cliffs were a black knife edge against the livid sky. Staring at them, I remembered the day Diego had told me about Sean and his “gang.” I thought of the men; the werewolves, throwing themselves into the empty air. The image of the falling, spiraling figures was still vivid in my mind. I imagined the utter freedom of the fall; I imagined the way Jake’s voice would have sounded in my head, furious, velvet, perfect... The burning in my chest flared agonizingly.

There had to be some way to quench it. The pain was growing more and more intolerable by the second. I glared at the cliffs and then at the crashing waves beneath as my breath quickened.

Well, why not? Why not quench it; right now?

Diego had promised me cliff diving, hadn’t he? Just because he was unavailable, should I have to give up the distraction I needed so badly; needed even worse because Diego was out risking his life? Risking it, in essence, for me. If it weren’t for me, Jeanine would not be killing people here... just somewhere else, far away. If it weren’t for me, my best friend wouldn’t be out there; trying to get between us. If anything happened to Diego, it would be my fault. That realization stabbed deep and had me jogging back up to the road toward Ricardo’s house, where my truck waited.

I knew my way to the lane that passed closest to the cliffs, but I had to hunt for the little path that would take me out to the ledge. As I followed it, I looked for turns or Cedar Cove, knowing that Diego had planned to take me off the lower outcropping rather than the top, but the path wound in a thin single line toward the brink with no options. I didn’t have time to find another way down; the storm was moving in quickly now. The wind was finally beginning to touch me, the clouds pressing closer to the ground. Just as I reached the place where the dirt path fanned out into the stone precipice, the first drops broke through and splattered on my face.

It was not hard to convince myself that I didn’t have time to search for another way; I had always wanted to jump from the top. This was the image that had lingered in my head. I wanted the long fall that would feel like flying.

I knew that this was the stupidest, most reckless thing I had done yet. The thought made me smile. The pain was already easing, as if my body knew that Jake’s voice was just seconds away...

The ocean sounded very far away, somehow farther than before, when I was on the path in the trees. I grimaced when I thought of the probable temperature of the water. But I wasn’t going to let that stop me.

The wind blew stronger now, whipping the rain into eddies around me.

I stepped out to the edge, keeping my eyes on the empty space in front of me. My toes felt ahead blindly, caressing the edge of the rock when they encountered it. I drew in a deep breath and held it; waiting.

“ _Taylor_.”

I smiled and exhaled.

Yes? I didn’t answer out loud, for fear that the sound of my voice would shatter the beautiful illusion. He sounded so real, so close. It was only when lie was disapproving like this that I could hear the true memory of his voice; the rough, velvet texture and the musical intonation that made up the most perfect of all voices.

“ _Don’t do this_ ,” he pleaded.

You wanted me to be human, I reminded him. Well, suck it up and watch me, asshole.

“ _Please. For me_.”

But you won’t stay with me any other way **_._ **

“ _Please_.” It was just a whisper in the blowing rain that tossed my hair and drenched my clothes; making me as wet as if this were my second jump of the day.

I rolled up onto the balls of my feet.

“ _No, Taylor! Godammit!_ ” He was angry now, and the anger was so lovely.

I smiled and raised my arms straight out, as if I were going to dive, lifting my face into the rain. But it was too ingrained from years of swimming at the public pool; feet first, first time. I leaned forward, crouching to get more spring...

And I flung myself off the cliff.

I gasped as I dropped through the open air like a meteor; a silent scream of exhilaration and not fear. The wind resisted, trying vainly to fight the unconquerable gravity, pushing against me and twirling me in spirals like a rocket crashing to the earth.

Yes! The word echoed through my head as I sliced through the surface of the water. It was icy, colder than I’d feared, and yet the chill only added to the high.

I was proud of myself as I plunged deeper into the freezing black water. I hadn’t had one moment of terror.. .just pure adrenaline. Really, the fall wasn’t scary at all. Where was the challenge?

That was when the current caught me.

I’d been so preoccupied by the size of the cliffs, by the obvious danger of the high, sheer faces, that I hadn’t worried at all about the dark water waiting. I never dreamed that the true menace was lurking far below me, under the heaving surf.

It felt like the waves were fighting over me, jerking me back and forth between them as if determined to share by pulling me into halves. I knew the right way to avoid a riptide: swim parallel to the beach rather than struggling for the shore. But the knowledge did me little good when I didn’t know which way the shore was.

I couldn’t even tell which way the surface was.

The angry water was black in every direction; there was no brightness to direct me upward. Gravity was all-powerful when it competed with the air, but it had nothing on the waves; I couldn’t feel a downward pull, a sinking in any direction. Just the battering of the current that flung me round and round like a rag doll.

I fought to keep my breath in, to keep my lips locked around my last store of oxygen.

It didn’t surprise me that my delusion of Jake was there. He owed me that much, considering that I was dying. I was surprised by how sure that knowledge was. I was going to drown. I was drowning.

“ _Keep bloody swimmin’!_ ” Jake begged urgently in my head.

Where? There was nothing but the darkness all around me. There was no place to swim to.

“ _Stop that_ !” he ordered. “ _Don’t ya dare give up, ya bloody pain in the ass_!”

The cold of the water was numbing my arms and legs. I didn’t feel the buffeting so much as before. It was more of just a dizziness now, a helpless spinning in the water.

But I listened to him. I forced my arms to continue reaching, my legs to kick harder, though every second I was facing a new direction. It couldn’t be doing any good. What was the point?

“ _Fight_ !” he yelled. “ _Goddamn it, Taylor, keep bloody well fightin’!_ ”

Why? The realisation was abrupt, as was the decision which quickly followed. 

I didn’t want to fight anymore. 

And it wasn’t the light-headedness, or the cold, or the failure of my arms as the muscles gave out in exhaustion, that made me content to stay where I was. I was almost happy that it was over. This was an easier death than others I’d faced before. Oddly peaceful.

I thought briefly of the cliches, about how you were supposed to see your life flash before your eyes. I was so much luckier. Who wanted to see a rerun, anyway?

I saw _him_ , and I had no will to fight. It was so clear, so much more defined than any memory. My subconscious had stored Jake away in flawless detail, saving him for this final moment. I could see his perfect face as if he were really there; his shaggy hair, the exact shade of his icy skin, the shape of his lips, the line of his jaw lined with his stubble, the liquid cyan glinting in his furious eyes. He was angry, naturally, that I was giving up. His teeth were clenched and his nostrils flared with rage.

“ _No! Taylor, godammit… fuckin’ no_!”

My ears were flooded with the freezing water, but his voice was clearer than ever. I ignored his words and concentrated on the sound of his voice. 

I smiled. 

Why would I fight when I was so happy where I was? Even as my lungs burned for more air and my legs cramped in the icy cold, I was content. I’d forgotten what real happiness felt like.

Happiness. It made the whole dying thing pretty bearable.

The current won at that moment, shoving me abruptly against something hard, a rock invisible in the gloom. It hit me solidly across the chest, slamming into me like an iron bar, and the breath whooshed out of my lungs, escaping in a thick cloud of silver bubbles. Water flooded down my throat, choking and burning. The iron bar seemed to be dragging me, pulling me away from Jake, deeper into the dark, to the ocean floor.

Goodbye. I love you, Jake... was my last thought.


	16. Reunion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Que more bondiiiiing <3
> 
> Hope you enjoy, as we always do enjoy writing this thing.
> 
> Feel free to tell us what you think, mates!
> 
> x Our love to you all x

**Reunion**

At that moment, my head broke the surface.

How disorienting. I’d been so sure I was sinking.

The current wouldn’t let up. It was slamming me against more rocks; they beat against the center of my back sharply, rhythmically, pushing the water from my lungs. It gushed out in amazing volume, absolute torrents pouring from my mouth and nose. The salt burned; my lungs burned and my throat was too full of water to catch a breath, and the rocks were hurting my back. Somehow I stayed in one place, though the waves still heaved around me. I couldn’t see anything but water everywhere, reaching for my face.

“ _Breathe_!” A voice, wild with anxiety, ordered; and I felt a cruel stab of pain when I recognized the voice... because it wasn’t Jake’s.

I couldn’t obey. The waterfall pouring from my mouth didn’t stop long enough for me to catch a breath. The black, icy water had filled my chest; and it was burning.

The rock smacked into my back again, right between my shoulder blades, and another volley of water choked its way out of my lungs.

“Breathe, Taylor! _C’mon_!” Diego begged.

Black spots bloomed across my vision, getting wider and wider, blocking out the light.

The rock struck me again.

The rock wasn’t cold like the water; it was hot on my skin. I realized it was Diego’s hand, trying to beat the water from my lungs. The iron bar that had dragged me from the sea was also... warm? 

My head whirled, the black spots covered everything...

Was I dying again, then? I didn’t like it… this wasn’t as good as the last time. It was only dark now, there was nothing worth looking at here; no godly, beautiful vision. The sound of the crashing waves faded into the black and became a quiet, even whoosh that sounded like it was coming from the inside of my own ears.

“Taylor?” Diego asked, his voice still tense, but not as wild as before. “Taylor, you _asshole_! Can you hear me?!”

The contents of my head swished and rolled sickeningly, like they’d joined the rough water I'd gleefully fallen into.

“How long has he been unconscious?” Someone else asked.

The voice that was not Diego’s shocked me, jarred me into a more focused awareness.

I realized that I was still. There was no tug of the current on me. The heaving was inside my head. The surface under me was flat and motionless. It felt grainy against my bare arms.

“I don’t _know_ ,” Diego reported, still frantic. His voice was very close. Hands; so warm they had to be his, brushed wet hair from my forehead. "A few minutes? It didn’t take long to tow him to the beach.”

The quiet whooshing inside my ears was not the waves, I realised suddenly. It was the air moving in and out of my lungs again. Each breath burned; the passageways were as raw as if I’d scrubbed them out with steel wool. But; I was breathing.

I'd never been more disappointed than by that discovery.

I then noticed, that I was freezing. A thousand sharp, icy beads were striking my face and arms, making the cold worse.

“He’s breathing. He’ll come around. We should get him out of the cold, though. I don’t like the color he’s turning...” I recognized Sean’s voice this time.

“You think it’s okay to move him?”

“He didn’t hurt his back or anything when he fell?”

“I don’t know.”

They hesitated.

I tried to open my eyes. It took me a minute, but then I could see the dark, purple clouds, flinging the freezing rain down at me. "Diego?” I croaked.

Diego’s face blocked out the sky. “Oh, holy shit!” he gasped, relief washing over his features. His eyes were wet from the rain. "Dude! Are you okay? Can you hear me? Do you hurt anywhere?”

“J-Just m-my throat,” I stuttered, my lips quivering from the cold. 

"Oh, thank god…" Diego sighed, his relief clear; for a brief few seconds, before he glared at me furiously. "You're a goddamn _asshole_ , Taylor!" He growled, swatting my shoulder now that he knew it wouldn't hurt me further.

"Ow." I whined pathetically, though I didn't dispute his claim.

“We better get you out of here,” Diego sighed, rolling his eyes in exasperation. I knew we'd talk more about this later; or at least that he'd yell more, and I would apologise profusely, once I was able to talk properly again. He slid his arms under me and lifted me without effort; like picking up an empty box. His chest was bare and warm; and he hunched his shoulders to keep the rain off of me. My head lolled over his arm. I stared vacantly back toward the furious water, beating the sand behind him.

“You got him?” I heard Sean ask.

“Yeah, I’ll take it from here. Get back to the hospital. I’ll join you later. Thanks, Sean.”

My head was still rolling. None of his words sunk in at first. Sean didn’t answer. There was no sound, and I wondered if he were already gone.

The water licked and writhed up the sand after us as Diego carried me away, like it was angry that I’d escaped. As I stared wearily, a spark of color caught my unfocused eyes… a small flash of fire was dancing on the black water, far out in the bay. The image made no sense, and I wondered how conscious I really was. My head swirled with the memory of the black, churning water; of being so lost that I couldn’t find up or down. So lost... but somehow Diego...

“H-how did you f-find me?” I rasped.

“I was searching for you,” he told me. He was half-jogging through the rain, up the beach toward the road. "I saw you in Kyle’s thoughts as he followed you. Changed when I found the tire tracks to your truck; and then, I heard you...” He shuddered. "Why the hell would you jump, Taylor? Didn’t you notice that it’s turning into a hurricane out here? Couldn’t you have waited for me?” Anger filled his tone as the relief faded.

“Sorry,” I muttered. "It was stupid… but I needed it, Diego.”

“Yeah, it was really stupid,” he agreed, drops of rain shaking free of his hair as he nodded. "And what do you mean, you _needed_ it?" He asked, glancing down at me irritably when I stubbornly locked my jaw. "Look, do you mind saving the stupid stuff for when I’m around? I won’t be able to concentrate if I think you’re jumping off cliffs behind my back.” He finally sighed, sensing I wouldn’t be telling him my reasons any time soon.

“Sure,” I agreed. "No problem.” I sounded like a chain-smoker. I tried to clear my throat… and then winced; the throat-clearing felt like stabbing a knife down there. "What happened today? Did you... f-find her?” It was my turn to shudder, though I wasn’t as cold anymore, right next to his ridiculous body heat.

Diego shook his head. He was still more running than walking as he headed up the road to his house. "No. She took off into the water. The bloodsuckers have the advantage there. That’s why I raced home. I was afraid she was going to double back swimming. You spend so much time on the beach...” He trailed off, a catch in his throat.

“S-Sean came back with you... is everyone else h-home, too?” I hoped they weren’t still out searching for her.

“Yeah... sort of.”

I tried to read his expression, squinting into the hammering rain. His eyes were tight with worry or pain.

The words that hadn’t made sense before suddenly did. “You said... hospital. Before, to Sean. Is someone hurt? Did she f-f-fight you?” My voice jumped up an octave, sounding strange with the hoarseness. I wished more than ever that I’d been able to sneak away properly; that I’d been able to end everything quietly,without everyone else having to be in danger all the time. 

A clean break.

I shuddered again at the thought.

“No, stupid.” Diego huffed, rolling his eyes at what he assumed was mere panic. “When we got back, Estela was waiting with the news. It’s Charlie Nguyen. Charlie had a heart attack this morning.”

“Charlie?” I shook my head, trying to absorb what he was staying. “Oh, oh, shit! Does Scott know?”

“Yeah. He’s over there, too, with my dad.”

“Is Charlie going to be okay?”

Diego’s eyes tightened again. “It doesn’t look so great right now.”

Abruptly, I felt really sick with guilt; felt truly horrible about the brainless cliff dive. Nobody needed to be worrying about me right now. What a stupid time to be reckless.

“What can I do?” I asked.

At that moment the rain stopped. I hadn’t realized we were already back to Diego’s house until he walked through the door. The storm pounded against the roof.

“You can stay here,” Diego said as he dumped me on the short couch. “I mean it, dude… right here.” He said, pointing at me where I sat on the couch and narrowing his eyes at me. “I’ll get you some dry clothes.”

I let my eyes adjust to the dark room while Diego banged around in his bedroom. The cramped front room seemed so empty without Ricardo, almost desolate. It was strangely ominous; though that was probably just because I knew where he was.

Diego was back in seconds. He threw a pile of gray cotton at me. “Those are going to be huge on your tiny little ass, but it’s the best I’ve got. I’ll, er, step outside so you can change.”

“Don’t be stupid, you don’t have to go anywhere.” I huffed, as I flopped sideways on the couch. “I’m pretty sure we used to play naked in the river. Can’t exactly get much weirder now.” I sighed.

“Dude, we were five then…” Diego countered as he laughed, seeming pleased I remembered something so trivial.

“Shut up.” I complained, weakly lobbing a cushion at his head. “I’m too tired to move yet. So, just stay here with me, jerk.”

Diego snorted and sat on the floor next to me, his back against the couch. I wondered when he’d slept last. He looked as exhausted as I felt.

He leaned his head on the cushion I’d thrown at him and yawned. “Guess I could rest for a minute...” His eyes closed. 

I let mine slide shut, too.

Poor Charlie. Poor Astrid. I knew Scott was going to be beside himself. Charlie was one of his best friends. Despite Diego’s negative take on things, I hoped fervently that Charlie would pull through. For Scott’s sake. For Astrid’s and Michelle’s and Miles’...

Ricardo’s sofa was right next to the radiator, and I was warm now, despite my soaked clothes. My lungs ached in a way that pushed me toward unconsciousness rather than keeping me awake. I wondered vaguely if it was wrong to sleep; or was I getting drowning mixed up with concussions? Diego began softly snoring, and the sound of it soothed like a lullaby. I fell asleep quickly.

For the first time in a very long time, my dream was just a normal dream. Just a blurred wandering through old memories; blinding bright visions of Sunset Beach, my brother and my mother’s face, glittering diamonds in the sun, a ramshackle tree house, a faded quilt, a large cross, a wall of mirrors, a flame on the black water... I forgot each of them as soon as the picture changed.

The last picture was the only one that stuck in my head. It was meaningless; just a set on a stage. A balcony at night, a painted moon hanging in the sky. I watched the girl in her nightdress lean on the railing and talk to herself.

Meaningless... but when I slowly struggled back to consciousness, Juliet was on my mind.

Diego was still asleep; he’d slumped down to the floor and his breathing was deep and even. The house was darker now than before, it was black outside the window. I was stiff, but warm and almost dry. The inside of my throat burned with every breath I took.

I was going to have to get up; at least to get a drink. But my body just wanted to lay here limp, to never move again.

Instead of moving, I thought about Juliet some more. Which was disconcerting for many reasons; most especially because I was _not_ a girl, or a damsel in distress or any of the other things which Juliet was associated with.

I wondered what she would have done if Romeo had left her, not because he was banished, but because he lost interest. What if Rosaline had given him the time of day, and he’d changed his mind? What if, instead of marrying Juliet, he’d just; disappeared?

I thought I knew how Juliet would feel.

She wouldn’t go back to her old life, not really. She wouldn’t ever have moved on, I was sure of that. Even if she’d lived until she was old and gray, every time she closed her eyes, it would have been Romeo’s face she saw behind her lids. She would have accepted that, eventually, I think; but she would have always known she was incomplete and destined to remain alone, without _him_ at her side.

Diego’s slow, deep breathing was the only sound in the room; like a lullaby hummed to a child, like the whisper of a rocking chair, like the ticking of an old clock when you had nowhere you needed to go. It was the sound of comfort.

If Romeo was really gone, never coming back, would it have mattered though; whether or not Juliet had settled for another? If she had at least tried, rather than blow all those fresh fish right out of the water without a second thought? Maybe she should have tried to settle into the leftover scraps of life that were left behind. Maybe that would have been as close to happiness as she could get.

I sighed, and then groaned when the sigh scraped my throat. I was reading too much into the story. Romeo wouldn’t change his mind. That’s why people still remembered his name, always intertwined with hers: Romeo and Juliet. That’s why it was a good story. “Juliet gets dumped,” would have never been a hit.

I closed my eyes and drifted again, letting my mind wander away from the stupid play I didn’t want to think about anymore. I thought about reality instead; about jumping off the cliff and what a brainless choice that had been. And not just the cliff, but the motorcycles and the whole irresponsible Evel Knievel bit. What if something bad happened to me? What would that do to Scott? Charlie’s heart attack had pushed everything suddenly into perspective for me. Perspective that I didn’t want to see, because; if I admitted to the truth of it… it would mean that I would have to change my ways. Could I live like that?

If I was honest, I wasn't sure I wanted to.

If I did decide to try; then it certainly wouldn’t be easy; in fact, it would be downright miserable to give up my hallucinations and try to be a grown-up. But should I decide to try, I knew Diego would do everything he could to help me. And yeah, that was true; maybe I could do it, if I had Diego to keep me grounded and remind me what I was being responsible _for._ It would mean confessing to my delusions though, so he would be able to stop me seeking them out again; and I that wasn't really something I felt like I could do.

For all my self awareness now, and for all my heart went out to Scott and all of Charlie's friends and family... I knew there was a part of me, a bigger part than I was willing to admit to yet; that just plain didn't want to even try. Somewhere, in my heart, I'd given up on something; and I somehow knew I wouldn't be able to find it again. I knew I didn't want to change.

I couldn’t make that decision right now, regardless. It hurt too much. I’d think about something else.

Images from my ill-considered afternoon stunt rolled through my head while I tried to come up with something pleasant to think about; the feel of the air as I fell, the blackness of the water, the thrashing of the current... Jake’s face. I lingered there for a long time. Diego’s warm hands, trying to beat life back into me; the stinging rain flung down by the purple clouds, the strange fire on the waves...

There was something familiar about that flash of color on top of the water. Of course it couldn’t really be fire...

My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a car squelching through the mud on the road outside. I heard it stop in front of the house, and doors started opening and closing. I thought about sitting up, and then decided against that idea.

Ricardo’s voice was easily identifiable, but he kept it uncharacteristically low, so that it was only a gravelly grumble.

The door opened, and the light flicked on. I blinked, momentarily blind. Diego startled awake, gasping and jumping to his feet.

“Sorry,” Ricardo grunted. “Did we wake you?”

My eyes slowly focused on his face, and then, as I could read his expression, they filled with tears.

“Oh, shit...” I moaned.

He nodded slowly, his expression hard with grief. Diego hurried to his father and took one of his hands. The pain made his face suddenly childlike; it looked odd on top of the man’s body.

Sean was right behind Ricardo, pushing his chair through the door. His normal composure was absent from his agonized face.

“I’m so sorry,” I whispered.

Ricardo nodded. “It’s gonna be hard all around.”

“Where’s Scott?”

“Your dad is still at the hospital with Astrid. There are a lot of... arrangements to be made.”

I swallowed hard.

“I’d better get back there,” Sean mumbled, and he ducked hastily back out the door.

Ricardo pulled his hand away from Diego, and then he rolled himself through the kitchen toward his room.

Diego stared after him for a minute, then came to sit on the floor beside me again. He put his face in his hands. I rubbed his shoulder, wishing I could think of anything to say.

After a long moment, Diego caught my hand and held it in his own lightly.

“How are you feeling? Are you doing okay? I probably should have taken you to a doctor or something.” He sighed.

“Don’t worry about me,” I croaked, biting my lip as I tried to inject some life into my tone. Scott needed me to hold on a little longer now. “I uh... I mostly feel stupid…”

“You are stupid.”

“Shut up.” I countered weakly, nudging him with my elbow. “I just mean, I think… I might have to change some things.” I said slowly, looking up at him slowly. “But I… I really don’t want to…” I admitted in a whisper.

He twisted his head to look at me properly, sensing the underlying difficulty which I couldn’t put into words. His eyes were rimmed in red as he nodded slowly in understanding. “You don’t look so good.”

“I don’t feel so good, either.”

“I’ll go get your truck and then take you home… you probably ought to be there when Scott gets back.”

“Right.”

I lay listlessly on the sofa while I waited for him. Ricardo was silent in the other room. I felt like a peeping tom, peering through the cracks at a private sorrow that wasn’t mine.

It didn’t take Diego long. The roar of my truck’s engine broke the silence before I expected it. He helped me up from the couch without speaking, keeping his arm around my shoulder when the cold air outside made me shiver. He took the driver’s seat without asking, and then pulled me next to his side to keep his arm tight around me. I leaned my head against his shoulder.

“How will you get home?” I asked.

“I’m not going home. We still haven’t caught the bloodsucker, remember?”

My next shudder had nothing to do with cold. I didn’t want him to catch her still; and despite my previous epiphany about my reckless behaviour, I still wished she could find me alone and end things quietly, without my loved ones being involved. I was just more aware of what would come after that now. 

It was a quiet ride after that. The cold air had woken me up. My mind was alert, and it was working very hard and very fast.

What if? What was the right thing to do?

What if I could get away? Lure Jeanine somewhere only she would think to look for me, and then bathe myself in my painful memories of that stolen future; as she claimed her vengeance.

But with everything that had just happened with Charlie; would it be fair? To Scott or Julia or even Jordan, blinking in surprise as I realised abruptly, I hadn’t even checked my email for a reply from Michael.

What was the right thing to do now? To hide behind others, and allow them to be hurt in my place? Or to offer myself up, and beg Jeanine for that to be the end of it?

Whatever I decided, I would have to commit to it; commit as much of me as there was left, every one of the broken pieces. It was the only way to be do it. 

Would I? Could I?

Would it be so wrong to try to give up my life? For my loved ones at the very least; rather than live with my heart far away, wandering and grieving after my fickle Romeo... would that be so very wrong?

Diego stopped the truck in front of my dark house, cutting the engine so it was suddenly silent. Like so many other times, he seemed to be somewhat in tune with the tone of my thoughts now. He threw his other arm around me, crushing me against his chest, binding me to him. It felt almost like being a whole person again.

I thought he would be thinking of Charlie, but then he spoke, and his tone was apologetic. “Sorry, dude... I’m just so glad you’re okay that I could sing; and that’s something no one wants to hear.” He laughed his throaty laugh in my ear.

My breathing kicked up a notch, sanding the walls of my throat.

Wouldn’t Jake, indifferent as he might be, want me to be as do what I felt was truly right, even under the circumstances? Wouldn’t enough friendly emotion linger for him to want that much for me? I thought he would. He wouldn’t begrudge me this: giving just one worthless human life, in exchange for all of those whom I loved. He would do the same for his family, I was sure; and he’d said himself when Rex had tricked me, he understood.

But could I do it? Could I betray my absent heart and the promise I’d made; and give up my pathetic life?

Butterflies assaulted my stomach as I thought of finally finding some semblance of peace.

And then, as clearly as if I were in immediate danger, Jake’s rough, velvet voice whispered in my ear.

“ _Be happy,_ ” he told me.

I froze.

Diego felt me stiffen and released me automatically, reaching for the door.

Wait, I wanted to say. Just a minute. But I was still locked in place, listening to the echo of Jake’s voice in my head. Was he telling me to keep going through all of this? How dare he demand me to live with this emptiness, when he was able to just go and distract himself so easily. My temper flared, and I knew.

I’d made my decision.

Storm-cooled air blew through the cab of the truck.

“ _Oof_ !” The breath whooshed out of Diego like someone had punched him in the gut. ”Holy... _hell_!”

He slammed the door and twisted the keys in the ignition at the same moment. His hands were shaking so hard I didn’t know how he managed it.

“Whoa, dude… what the hell’s wrong?” I asked, shaking my head in confusion as I tried to surface from my reverie.

He revved the engine too fast; it sputtered and faltered.

“Vampire,” he spit out.

“What?” The blood rushed from my head and left me dizzy. “How do you know?”

“Because I can _smell_ it. Dammit!”

Diego’s eyes were wild, raking the dark street. He barely seemed aware of the tremors that were rolling through his body. “Phase or get him out of here?” he hissed at himself.

He looked down at me for a split second, taking in my resigned eyes and calm face, and then he was scanning the street again. “Right. Get you out.”

The engine caught with a roar. The tires squealed as he spun the truck around, turning toward his only escape. The headlights washed across the pavement, lit the front line of the black forest, and finally glinted off a car parked across the street from my house.

“Stop!” I gasped, grabbing the dash with one hand and the steering wheel with the other; trying him to stop.

It was a red car… a car I knew. I might be the furthest thing from an auto-expert, but I could tell you everything about that particular car. It was an Jaguar XJS. I knew the horsepower and the color of the interior. I knew the feel of the powerful engine purring through the frame. I knew the rich smell of the leather seats and the way the extra-dark tint made noon look like dusk through those windows.

It was Mike’s car.

“Diego!” I cried again, louder this time, because Diego was gunning the truck down the street. “I said… bloody well _stop!_ ”

“What?!”

“It’s not Jeanine. Stop, _stop_! I want to go back, right fucking now!”

He stomped on the brake so hard I had to catch myself against the dashboard.

“What?” he asked again, aghast. He stared at me with horror in his eyes.

“It’s Mike’s car! It’s the Darwin’s!” I pleaded, begging with my eyes. “I _know_ it, please… please trust me.”

He watched dawn break across my face, and a violent tremor rocked his frame.

“Hey, calm down, Diego. It’s okay. No danger, see? Relax.”

“Yeah, calm,” he panted, putting his head down and closing his eyes. While he concentrated on not exploding into a wolf, I stared out the back window at the red car.

It was just Mike, I told myself. Don’t expect anything more. Maybe Grace... Stop right there, I told myself. Just Mike. That was plenty. More than I’d ever hoped to have again.

“There’s a vampire in your house,” Diego said slowly, through clenched teeth. “And _you_ want to go back?”

I glanced at him, ripping my unwilling eyes off the Jaguar; terrified that it would disappear the second I looked away. “Of course,” I said, my voice blank with surprise at his question. Of course I wanted to go back.

Diego’s face twisted while I stared at him, congealing briefly into the bitter mask that I’d thought was gone for good, before slipping into a tired mask of resignation. Just before he had the mask in place, I caught the spasm of betrayal that flashed in his eyes. His hands were still shaking. He looked ten years older than me.

He took a deep breath. “You’re sure it’s not a trick?” He asked in a slow, heavy voice.

“It’s not a trick. It’s Mike.” I promised. “Take me back, Diego, please!”

A shudder rippled through his wide shoulders, but his eyes were flat and emotionless. “No.”

“Diego, it’s okay...”

“I _can’t,_ Taylor…” He said quietly, swallowing heavily as he looked back at me with a pained expression. “I’m sorry, dude… but you’re gonna have to take yourself back.” I flinched as the sound of his low voice struck me. His fingers flexed over the steering wheel, his unhappiness clear.

“Diego-”

“Look, Taylor,” he said in the same resigned voice. “I’m sorry… but I _can’t_ go back. Treaty or no treaty, that’s my enemy in there… and I don’t want to hurt someone who you clearly care so much about..”

“It’s not like that...”

“I have to tell Sean now…” He sighed, shaking his head as I reached over and laid my hand over one of his trembling ones. “This changes things. We can’t be caught on their territory.”

“Diego, it’s not a war!” I pleaded, desperate not to lose my best friend now.

He didn’t listen. He put the truck in neutral and jumped out the door, leaving it running.

“Bye, Taylor,” he called back, as he looked over his shoulder. “I really hope you don’t die.” He sprinted into the darkness, shaking so hard that his shape seemed blurred; he disappeared before I could open my mouth to call him back.

Remorse pinned me against the seat for one long second. What had I just done to Diego; to my best friend?

But remorse couldn’t hold me very long.

I slid across the seat and put the truck back in drive. My hands were shaking almost as hard as Diego’s had been, and this took a minute of concentration. Then I carefully turned the truck around and drove it back to my house.

It was very dark when I turned off the headlights. Scott had left in such a hurry that he’d forgotten to leave the porch lamp on. I felt a pang of doubt, staring at the house, deep in shadow. What if it was a trick?

Would it really matter, if it was? This was what I had always wanted, right? What I had just decided upon, there in my truck. If it was Jeanine, using a truly _outstanding_ trick against me; then I had my wish granted. A chance to end things without anyone else being put in danger for me ever again. 

I looked back at the red car, almost invisible in the night. But, no. I was positive. I _knew_ that car.

Still, my hands were shaking even worse than before as I reached for the key above the door. When I grabbed the doorknob to unlock it, it twisted easily under my hand. I let the door fall open. The hallway was black.

I wanted to call out a greeting, but my throat was too dry. I couldn’t quite seem to catch my breath.

I took a step inside and fumbled for the light switch. It was so black; like the black water I’d jumped into hours ago. Where was that switch?

Just like the black water, with the orange flame flickering impossibly on top of it. Flame that couldn’t be a fire, but what then... ? My fingers traced the wall, still searching, still shaking...

Suddenly, something Diego had told me this afternoon echoed in my head, finally sinking in. _She took off into the water,_ he’d said. _The bloodsuckers have the advantage there. That’s why I raced home… I was afraid she was going to double back swimming._

My hand froze in its searching, my whole body froze into place, as I realized why I recognized the strange orange color on the water.

Jeanine’s fiery red dreadlocks, glowing like embers above the water, the color of fire...

She’d been right there. Right there in the harbor with me and Diego. If Sean hadn’t been there, if it had been just the two of us...? I couldn’t breathe or move.

If Diego hadn’t found me; it could have all been over already. The rush of emotions I felt at that were indecipherable.

The light flicked on, though my frozen hand had still not found the switch.

I blinked into the sudden light, and saw that someone was there, waiting for me.


	17. Alive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cue the long lost vampire bonding!
> 
> Might not be the vampire you're waiting to see, but one step closer, right?
> 
> hope you enjoy
> 
> x Our love to you all x  
> ✲ﾟ｡.(✿╹◡╹)ﾉ♡.｡₀:*ﾟ✲ﾟ

**Alive**

Unnaturally still and white, with large black eyes intent on my face, my visitor waited perfectly motionless in the center of the hall, beautiful beyond imagining.

My knees trembled for a second, and I nearly fell. Then I hurled myself at her.

"Quinn, oh my god… _Quinn!"_ I cried; as I slammed into her.

I'd forgotten how hard she was; it was like running headlong into a wall of cement, but I didn't care. I held on to her as tight as I could.

"Taylor?" There was a strange mingling of relief and confusion in her voice.

I locked my arms around her, gasping to inhale as much of the scent of her skin as possible, practically shivering when her fiery, silken hair cascaded around my shoulders. It wasn't like anything else; not floral or spice, citrus or musk. No perfume in the world could compare. My memory hadn't done it justice.

I didn't notice when the gasping turned into something else. I only realized I was sobbing when Quinn dragged me to the living room couch and pulled me into her lap, like I was a small child. It was like curling up into a cool stone, but a stone that was contoured comfortingly to the shape of my body. She rubbed my back in a gentle rhythm, waiting for me to get a grip on myself.

"I'm… I'm sorry!" I blubbered. "I'm just... _so_ happy to... to _see_ you!"

"It's okay, Taylor." Quinn soothed gently, almost seeming as relieved by my presence; as I was by hers. Such a silly human I was, to think such foolish things. "Everything's okay."

"Mmhm," I bawled incoherently. And, for once, it did finally seem that way.

Quinn sighed. "I'd forgotten how exuberant you are," she said, and her tone was disapproving.

I looked up at her through my streaming eyes. Quinn's neck was tight, straining away from me, her lips pressed together firmly. Her eyes were black as pitch.

"Oh," I puffed, as I realized the problem. She was thirsty. And I smelled appetizing. It had been a while since I'd had to think about that kind of thing. "Sorry." I gasped, scrambling to free myself from her lap, only for her to gently but firmly hold me in place.

"It's my own fault.” She said gently, as she stroked my back. “It's been too long since I hunted. I shouldn't let myself get so thirsty. But I was in a hurry today." The look she directed at me then was a glare. "Speaking of which... would you like to explain to me how you're alive?"

That brought me up short and stopped the sobs. I realized what must have happened immediately; and why Quinn was here.

I swallowed loudly. "You saw me fall." I said in a small voice.

"No," she disagreed, her eyes narrowing. "I saw you _jump_."

I pursed my lips as I tried to think of an explanation that wouldn't sound utterly ridiculous to a vampire who could see the future.

Quinn shook her head before I could even begin to find the words. "I _told_ him this would happen, but oh no; he wouldn't believe me. _'Taylor_ _promised_ ,'" her voice imitated his so perfectly that I froze in shock while the pain ripped through my torso. " _'Don't be lookin’ for his future, neither_ ,'" she continued to quote him. '" _We've done enough damage_."

"But just because I'm not _looking,_ doesn't mean I don't _see_ ," she went on. "I wasn't keeping tabs on you, I swear, Taylor. It's just that I'm already attuned to you! When I saw you jumping, I didn't think; I just got on a plane. I knew I would be too late, but I couldn't just sit by and do _nothing_. And then I get here, thinking maybe I could help Scott somehow... and _you_ drive up." She shook her head, this time in confusion. Her voice was strained. "I _saw_ you go into the water and I waited and _waited_ for you to come up; but you didn't. What _happened_ ? And how could you do that to Scott? Did you stop to think what this would do to him? And my pigheaded, stupid, _moronically stubborn_ brother? Do you have _any_ idea what Jake—"

I cut her off then, as soon as she said his name. I'd let her go on, even after I realized the misunderstanding she was under, just to hear the perfect bell tone of her voice. But it was time to interrupt.

"Quinn, I wasn't committing suicide."

She eyed me dubiously. "Are you saying you didn't jump off a cliff?"

"Nooo... but, uh..." I grimaced. "It was for recreational purposes only..?"

Her expression hardened.

"I'd seen some of Diego's friends cliff diving," I explained. "It looked like fun, and I was... bored."

She waited.

"I didn't think about how the storm would affect the currents. Actually, I didn't think about the water much at all."

Quinn didn't buy it. I could see that she still thought I had been trying to kill myself. I decided to redirect.

"So if you saw me go in, why didn't you see Diego?"

She cocked her head to the side, distracted.

I continued. "It's true that I _probably_ would have drowned; if Diego hadn't jumped in after me. Well, okay... there's no probably about it. But he did, and he pulled me out; and I guess he towed me back to shore, though I was kind of out for that part.” I admitted, fully aware that I was rambling now but finding it incredibly difficult to stop myself. “It couldn't have been more than a minute that I was under before he grabbed me. How come you didn't see that?"

She frowned in perplexity. "Someone pulled you out?"

"Yes. Diego saved me."

I watched curiously as an enigmatic range of emotions flitted across her face. Something was bothering her; her imperfect vision? But I wasn't sure. Then she deliberately leaned in and sniffed my shoulder.

I froze.

"Don't be ridiculous," she muttered, sniffing at me some more.

"What... are you doing?" I asked awkwardly. I didn’t particularly mind her sniffing me of course, but it was still slightly weird.

She ignored my question. "Who was with you out there just now? It sounded like you were arguing."

"Diego Soto. He's my best friend. At least, he was..." I thought of Diego's conflicted face, and wondered what he was to me now. If he thought I was betraying him by fulfilling my need to see whichever of the Darwin family had been waiting in my house.

Quinn nodded, seeming preoccupied.

"What?"

"I don't know," she said. "I'm not sure what it means."

"Well... I'm not dead, at least."

She rolled her eyes. "He was a fool to think you could survive alone. I've never seen anyone so prone to life-threatening idiocy."

"I survived," I pointed out. I didn’t mention my latest decision about just how long that was going to stay true.

She was thinking of something else. "So, if the currents were too much for you... how did this Diego manage?"

"Diego is, uh... strong."

She heard the reluctance in my voice, and her eyebrows rose.

I gnawed on my lip for a second. Was this a secret, or not? And if it was, then who was my greatest allegiance to? Diego, or Quinn?

It was too hard to keep secrets, I decided. Diego knew what Quinn was, why shouldn’t Quinn be equally informed, too?

"See, well, he's... sort of a werewolf," I admitted in a rush. "The Taino turn into wolves when there are vampires around. They know Mike from a long time ago.” I said, my fingers toying nervously with her long, fiery hair. “Were you with Mike back then?" I asked innocently, trying to dissuade the initial shock of my revelation.

Quinn gawked at me for a moment; and then recovered herself, blinking rapidly. "Well, I guess that explains the _smell_ ," she muttered. "But does it explain what I didn't see?" She frowned, her porcelain forehead creasing.

"The smell?" I repeated.

"You smell awful," she said absently, still frowning. "A _werewolf_? Are you sure about that?"

"I’m… pretty sure," I promised, wincing as I remembered Andy and Diego fighting in the road. "I guess you _weren't_ with Mike the last time there were werewolves here in Cedar Cove, then?" I prompted.

"No. I hadn't found him yet..." Quinn was still lost in thought. Suddenly, her eyes widened, and she turned to stare at me with a shocked expression. "Your best friend is a werewolf?"

“Yes, keep up please.” I huffed, rolling my eyes, before glancing back at her with a sheepish and guilty expression.

Quinn raised a brow at my reaction, before deciding her interrogation was more important than discovering where my new sense of sarcasm had come from. "How long has this been going on?"

"Oh… not long," I said, my voice sounding far less innocent and dismissive as I’d hoped. "He's only been a werewolf for... I don't know, a few weeks."

She glowered at me. "A _young_ werewolf? Even worse! Jake was right... you're a magnet for danger. Weren't you supposed to be staying out of trouble?"

"There's nothing wrong with werewolves," I grumbled petulantly, stung by her critical tone.

"Until they lose their tempers." She shook her head sharply from side to side. "Leave it to _you_ , Taylor. Anyone else would be better off when the vampires left town. But you have to start hanging out with the first monsters you can find."

I didn't want to argue with Quinn. I was still trembling with joy that she was really, truly here, that I could touch her marble skin and hear her wind-chime voice; but she had it all wrong.

"No, Quinn… the vampires didn't really leave; not all of them, anyway.” I said quietly, my eyes on her hair as I toyed with it, rather than on her eyes; as they snapped towards me. “That's the whole trouble. If it weren't for the werewolves, Jeanine would have gotten me by now. Well, if it weren't for Diego and his friends, Grant would have gotten me before she could, I guess, so..." I hoped she couldn’t hear the frustration in my voice at the fact that they’d been my unwanted babysitters.

"Jeanine?" she hissed. "Grant?"

I nodded solemnly, as I pointed at my chest. "Danger magnet."

She shook her head again. "Tell me everything; start at the beginning."

I glossed over the beginning, skipping the motorcycles and the voices, but telling her everything else right up to today's misadventure. Quinn didn't like my thin explanation about boredom and the cliffs, so I hurried on to the strange flame I'd seen on the water and what I thought it meant. Her eyes narrowed almost to slits at that part. It was strange to see her look so... so dangerous; like a vampire. I swallowed hard and went on with the rest about Charlie.

She listened to my story without interrupting. Occasionally, she would shake her head, and the crease in her forehead deepened until it looked like it was carved permanently into the marble of her skin. She didn't speak and, finally, I fell quiet, struck again by the borrowed grief at Charlie's passing. I thought of Scott; he would be home soon. What condition would he be in?

"Our leaving didn't do you any good at all, did it?" Quinn murmured sadly.

I laughed once; it was a bitter, slightly hysterical sound and she looked at me briefly in surprise, before lowering her eyes to the floor. "That was never the point, though, was it?” I said sourly, tasting acid on the back of my tongue. “It's not like you left for _my_ benefit."

Quinn scowled at the floor for a moment. "Well... I guess I acted impulsively today. I probably shouldn't have intruded."

I could feel the blood draining from my face. My stomach dropped. "Don't go, Quinn," I whispered. My fingers locked around the collar of her white shirt and I began to hyperventilate. " _Please,_ don't leave me."

Her eyes opened wider. "All right," she said, enunciating each word with slow precision. "I'm not going anywhere tonight. Take a deep breath."

I tried to obey, though I couldn't quite locate my lungs. I wondered distantly if they were with my heart, or if they were just wandering around randomly. I assumed that was the hysteria setting in.

She watched my face while I concentrated on my breathing. She waited till I was calmer to comment. "You look like hell, Taylor."

"I drowned today," I reminded her distractedly.

"It goes deeper than that. You're a mess."

I flinched. "Look, I'm doing my best, here..." I said, turning my face away from her.

"What do you mean?"

"It hasn't been easy.” I said tensely, discreetly trying to hold my chest together. “I'm working on it."

She frowned. "I _told_ him," she said to herself.

"Quinn," I sighed. "What did you _think_ you were going to find? I mean, besides me dead?” I demanded in exasperation, turning back to her with a disbelieving frown; ignoring the traitorous tears I felt gathering in the corners of my eyes. “Did you expect to find me skipping around and whistling show tunes? You know me better than that."

"I do.” She sighed. “But I hoped."

"Then I guess I don't have the corner on the idiocy market."

The phone rang.

"That has to be Scott," I said, staggering to my feet. I grabbed Quinn's stone hand and dragged her with me to the kitchen. I wasn't about to let her out of my sight.

"Scott?" I answered the phone.

"No, it's me," Diego said.

"Diego!"

Quinn scrutinized my expression.

"Just making sure you were still alive," Diego said, his relief clear. “I’m so sorry, dude… if things were different, I never would have left—"

"It’s fine, Diego. It's just Quinn…” I explained quickly. I didn’t want him to feel guilty, especially considering that the outcome could have been much different. “I told you that it wasn't—"

"I know man, I know..." Diego sighed, as I bit my lip. “Look, Sean’s not happy… he sees it as a betrayal of the pack. I… I’m not allowed to come back to see you as long as she’s there.” He said, sounding guilty and ashamed.

“I get it… it’s okay, man.” I said, though I panicked at the thought of not seeing him for any length of time. “Just, don’t worry, okay? Quinn would never hurt me, any more than you…”

“I know.” Diego sounded so honest, that I wished I could hug him. His understanding meant more than I could ever tell him. “I’m sorry man… I have to go.” He said suddenly.

“Wait, Diego—”

Diego hung up on me.

I sighed and let my head hang back, staring at the ceiling. "That's... going to be a problem."

Quinn squeezed my hand. "They aren't excited I'm here."

"Not especially. But it's none of their stupid business anyway." I said, horrified by my own behaviour when I stamped my foot. I cleared my throat and returned the phone to its cradle. “At least Diego doesn’t hate me…” I murmured thoughtfully, more grateful for my best friend than ever. I decided to make him the biggest batch of cheese sticks I could manage and take them down to him sometime.

Quinn put her arm around me. "So what do we do now?" she mused. She seemed to talk to herself for a moment. "Things to do. Loose ends to tie..."

"What... things to do?"

Her face was suddenly careful. "I don't know for sure. I need to see Mike."

Would she leave so soon? My stomach dropped.

"Could you stay?" I begged. "Please? For just a little while. I've missed you so much." My voice broke.

"If you think that's a good idea." Her eyes were unhappy.

"I do!” I pleaded, clutching her hand desperately. “You can stay here! Scott would love that..!"

"I have a house, Taylor." She huffed, rolling her eyes at me. I nodded, disappointed but resigned. She hesitated, studying me. "Well, I need to go get a suitcase of clothes, at the very least."

I threw my arms around her. "Quinn, you're the best!"

"And... I think I'll need to hunt. Immediately," she added in a strained voice.

"Oops." I quickly took a step back.

"Can you stay out of trouble for _one_ hour?" she asked skeptically. Then, before I could answer, she held up one finger and closed her eyes. Her face went smooth and blank for a few seconds.

And then her eyes opened and she answered her own question. "Yes, you'll be fine. For tonight, anyway." She grimaced. Even making faces, she looked like an angel.

"You'll come back?" I pleaded in a small voice.

"I promise; one hour."

I glanced at the clock over the kitchen table. She laughed and leaned in quickly to kiss me on the cheek. Then she was gone.

I took a deep breath. Quinn would be back. I suddenly felt so much better.

I had plenty to do to keep myself busy while I waited. A shower was definitely first on the agenda. I sniffed my shoulders as I undressed, but I couldn't smell anything but the brine and seaweed scent of the ocean. I wondered what Quinn had meant about me smelling bad.

When I was cleaned up, I went back to the kitchen. I couldn't see any signs that Scott had eaten recently, and he would probably be hungry when he got back. I hummed tunelessly to myself as I moved around the kitchen.

While Tuesday's casserole rotated in the microwave, I made up the couch with sheets and an old pillow. Quinn wouldn't need it, but Scott would need to see it. I was careful not to watch the clock. There was no reason to start myself panicking; Quinn had promised.

Quinn _kept_ her promises.

I hurried through my dinner, not tasting it; just feeling the ache as it slid down my raw throat. Mostly I was thirsty; I must have drunk a half gallon of water by the time I was finished. All the salt in my system had dehydrated me.

I went to go try to watch TV while I waited.

Quinn was already there, sitting on her improvised bed. Her eyes were a liquid crystalline blue. She smiled and patted the pillow. "Thanks."

"You're early," I said, elated.

I sat down next to her and leaned my head on her shoulder. She put her cold arms around me and sighed. "Taylor. What are we going to do with you?"

"I don't know," I admitted. "I really have been trying my hardest."

"I believe you."

It was silent.

"Does... does he..." I took a deep breath. It was harder to say his name out loud, even though I was able to think of it now. "Does _Jake_ know you're here?" I couldn't help asking. It was my pain, after all. I'd deal with it when she was gone, I promised myself; and felt sick at the thought, the hope, that maybe I wouldn’t have to for long.

"No."

There was only one way that could be true. "He's... not with Mike and Grace?"

"He checks in every now and then."

"Oh." He must still be out enjoying his distractions. My long lost heart ached at the thought. I focused my curiosity on a safer topic. "You said you flew here… where did you come from?"

"I was in the Ural Mountains. Visiting Raj’s family."

"Is Kele here? Did he come with you?"

She shook her head. "He didn't approve of my interfering. We promised..." she trailed off, and then her tone changed. "And you're sure Scott won't mind my being here?" she asked, sounding worried.

"Scott thinks you're wonderful, Quinn."

"Well, we're about to find out."

Sure enough, a few seconds later I heard the cruiser pull into the driveway. I jumped up and hurried to open the door. Scott trudged slowly up the walk, his eyes on the ground and his shoulders slumped. I walked forward to meet him; he didn't even see me until I hugged him around the waist. He embraced me back fiercely.

"I'm so sorry about Charlie, Dad."

"I'm really going to miss him," Scott mumbled.

"How's Astrid doing?"

"She seems dazed, like she hasn't grasped it yet. Sean's staying with her..." The volume of his voice faded in and out. "Those poor kids. Michelle's just a year younger than you, and Miles is only fourteen..." He shook his head.

He kept his arms tight around me as he started toward the door again.

"Um, Dad?" I figured I'd better warn him. "You'll never guess who's here."

He looked at me blankly. His head swiveled around, and he spied the Jaguar across the street, the porch light reflecting off the glossy red paint. Before he could react, Quinn was in the doorway.

"Hi, Scott," she said in a subdued voice. "I'm sorry I came at such a bad time."

"Quinn McKenzie?" he peered at the slight figure in front of him as if he doubted what his eyes were telling him. "Quinn, is that you?"

"It's me," she confirmed. "I was in the neighborhood."

"Is Mike..?"

"No, I'm alone."

Both Quinn and I knew he wasn't really asking about Mike. His arm tightened over my shoulder.

"She can stay here, can't she?" I pleaded. "I already asked her."

"Of course," Scott said mechanically. "We'd love to have you, Quinn."

"Thank you, Scott. I know it's horrid timing."

"No, it's fine, really. I'm going to be really busy doing what I can for Charlie's family; it will be nice for Taylor to have some company."

"There's dinner for you on the table, Dad," I told him.

"Thanks, Tay-Bear." He gave me one more squeeze before he shuffled toward the kitchen.

Quinn went back to the couch, and I followed her. This time, she was the one to pull me against her shoulder.

"You look tired."

"Yeah," I agreed, and shrugged. "Near-death experiences do that to me. So, what does Mike think of you being here?"

"He doesn't know. He and Grace were on a hunting trip. I'll hear from him in a few days, when he gets back and notices his car is missing."

"You won't tell _him_ , though... when he checks in again?" I asked. She knew I didn't mean Mike now.

"No. He'd bite my head off," Quinn said grimly.

I snorted once, and then sighed.

I didn't want to sleep. I wanted to stay up all night talking to Quinn. And it didn't make sense for me to be tired, what with crashing on Diego's couch all day. But drowning really had taken a lot out of me, and my eyes wouldn't stay open. I rested my head on her stone shoulder, and drifted into a more peaceful oblivion than I had any hope of.

I woke early, from a deep and dreamless sleep, feeling well-rested, but stiff. I was on the couch tucked under the blankets I'd laid out for Quinn, and I could hear her and Scott talking in the kitchen. It sounded like Scott was fixing her breakfast.

"How bad was it, Scott?" Quinn asked softly, and at first I thought they were talking about the Nguyens.

Scott sighed. "Real bad."

"Tell me about it. I want to know exactly what happened when we left."

There was a pause while a cupboard door was closed and a dial on the stove was clicked off. I waited, cringing internally.

"I've never felt so helpless," Scott began slowly. "I didn't know what to do. First few days, I thought I was going to have to hospitalize him. He wouldn't eat or drink, he wouldn't move. Dr. Browning was throwing around words like 'catatonic,' but I didn't let him up to see him. I was afraid it would scare him."

"He snapped out of it though?"

"Jordan came over to take care of him for a bit, with his boyfriend… tried to convince him to go to New York. I didn't want to be the one… if he had to go to a hospital or something. Julia and I hoped being with his brother would help. But then Jordan said something; and he woke up with a vengeance. I've never seen Taylor throw a fit like that. He was never one for tantrums; that was always Jordan’s department... but, boy, did he fly into a rage. Michael filled me in when I got back; he threw his clothes everywhere and screamed blue murder at his brother like he never had before… then, he finally started crying. I thought that would be the turning point. Jordan and Michael went home that night, and I didn't argue when he insisted on staying here… and he did seem to get better; at first "

Scott trailed off. It was hard listening to this, knowing how much pain I'd caused him. I wondered what Jordan and I had fought about. I felt awful that something had passed between us, and I had no memory of it. I made a note to check my emails as soon as Quinn left. Regardless of my fate, I would apologise to my brother.

"But?" Quinn prompted.

"He went back to college and work, he ate and slept and did his coursework. He answered when someone asked him a direct question. But he was... empty. Lifeless. _Soulless._ His eyes were always blank. There were lots of little things; he wouldn't listen to music anymore I found a bunch of CDs broken in the trash. He didn't read; he wouldn't be in the same room when the TV was on, not that he watched it so much before. I finally figured it out; he was avoiding everything that might remind him of… _him_.”

I felt guilt gnaw at me, as Scott paused to sigh, before picking up right where he’d left off.

"We could hardly talk; I was so worried about saying something that would upset him. The littlest things would make him flinch; and he never volunteered anything. He would just answer if I asked him something.” He said tiredly, as I winced at my behaviour. “He was alone all the time. He didn't call his friends back, and after a while, they stopped calling. It was like night of the living dead around here. I still hear him screaming in his sleep..."

I could almost see him shuddering. I shuddered too, remembering. And then I sighed. I hadn't fooled him at all, not for one second.

"I'm so sorry, Scott," Quinn said, her voice glum.

"It's not _your_ fault." The way he said it made it perfectly clear that he was holding someone responsible. "You were always a good friend to him."

"He seems better now, though."

"Yeah. Ever since he started hanging out with Diego Soto, I've noticed a real improvement. He has some color in his cheeks when he comes home, some light in his eyes. He's happier." He paused, and his voice was different when he spoke again. "Diego’s a couple months younger than him..." Scott said this in a tone that was almost belligerent. It was a warning, not for Quinn, but for her to pass along. I was appalled to think that he saw my friendship with Diego that way. "Diego's old for his years," he continued, still sounding defensive. "He's taken care of his father physically the way Taylor took care of his mother emotionally. It matured him. He's a good-looking kid, too takes after his mom's side. He's good for Taylor, you know," Scott insisted.

"Then it's good he has him," Quinn agreed. I scowled and made a mental note to thwack her for it later; though I knew I probably wouldn’t. I was seriously considering thwacking Scott though.

Scott sighed out a big gust of air, folding quickly to the lack of opposition. "Okay, so I guess that's overstating things. I don't know... even with Diego, now and then I see something in his eyes, and I wonder if I've ever grasped how much pain he's really in. It's not normal, Quinnie, and it... it frightens me. Not normal at all. Not like someone left him, but like someone died." His voice cracked. “It’s like _he_ died, and his body just doesn’t know it yet.”

Scott was exactly right with that last assumption. It was like someone had died; like I had died. Because it had been more than just losing the truest of true loves, as if that were not enough to kill anyone. It was also losing a whole future, a whole family; the whole life that I'd chosen and desperately yearned for.

Scott went on in a hopeless tone. "I don't know if he's going to get over it. I'm not sure if it's in his nature to heal from something like this… he's not like Jordan in that regard. He's always been such a constant little thing. He doesn't get past things, change his mind."

"He's one of a kind," Quinn agreed in a dry voice. I almost smiled, imagining her rolling her eyes.

"And… Quinnie?" Scott hesitated. "Now, you know how fond I am of you, and I can tell that he's happy to see you, but… I'm a little worried about what your visit will do to him."

"So am I, Scott, so am I. I wouldn't have come if I'd had any idea. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize, honey. Who knows? Maybe it will be good for him."

"I hope you're right."

There was a long break while forks scraped plates and Scott chewed. I wondered where Quinn was hiding the food.

"Quinn, I have to ask you something," Scott said awkwardly.

Quinn was calm. "Go ahead."

" _He's_ not coming back to visit, too, is he?" I could hear the suppressed anger in Scott's voice.

Quinn answered in a soft, reassuring tone. "He doesn't even know I'm here. The last time I spoke with him, he was in Lebanon."

I stiffened as I heard this new information, and listened harder.

"That's something, at least." Scott snorted. "Well, I hope he's enjoying himself."

For the first time, Quinn's voice had a bit of steel in it. "I wouldn't make assumptions, Scott." I knew how her eyes would flash when she used that tone.

"I…" Scott paused, visibly thrown by Quinn's unusual tone. "Well, I mean; he left him out there, in the woods! On his own!" He whispered harshly, clearly surprised by her defense.

"Leaving Taylor was the single _hardest_ thing my brother has _ever_ had to do in his life, and that includes burying his sister." Quinn replied quickly, as my brow furrowed in confusion. "You can think what you will, I won't tell you that you're wrong to be pissed; _I'm_ pissed… but what he did, he did to protect Taylor. The last time I spoke to him, he was miserable and had fallen back into alcohol." I rolled my eyes at the ridiculous lie. Jake had no need of alcohol, he had plenty of distractions all around, I was sure. "My brother left to try and spare your son the dangers of his life... Perhaps you should consider that, before you condemn him."

A chair scooted from the table, scraping loudly across the floor. I pictured Scott getting up; there was no way Quinn would make that kind of noise. The faucet ran, splashing against a dish.

I frowned, wondering why Quinn would go so far to defend Jake, as she really didn't need to make his leaving seem so charitable to me. I already knew I wasn't good enough for him, and he wasn't going to be back in either of our lifetimes.

It didn't sound like they were going to say anything more about Jake, so I decided it was time to wake up.

I turned over, bouncing against the springs to make them squeak. Then I yawned loudly.

All went quiet in the kitchen.

I stretched and groaned.

"Quinn?" I asked innocently; the soreness rasping in my throat added nicely to the charade.

"I'm in the kitchen, Taylor," Quinn called, no hint in her voice that she suspected my eavesdropping. I hoped that was genuine, but I knew she was good at hiding things like that.

Scott had to leave then; he was helping Astrid Nguyen with the funeral arrangements. It would have been a very long day without Quinn. She never spoke about leaving, and I didn't ask her. I knew it was inevitable, but I put it out of my mind.

Instead, we talked about her family; all but one.

Mike was working nights in Corfu and teaching part time in Athens. Grace was restoring a seventeenth century house, a historical monument, in a forest north of Rome. Craig and Zahra had gone to Europe for a few months on another honeymoon, but they were back now. Kele was attending Cornel, studying philosophy, this time around. And Quinn had been doing some personal research, concerning the information I'd accidentally uncovered for her in October. She'd successfully tracked down the asylum where she'd spent the last years of her human life. The life she had no memory of.

"My name was Quinn Erin Kelly," she told me quietly. "I had a little sister named Pippi. She had a daughter, who she named after me; and _her_ son... my great-nephew, James, is in his forties. Out there... somewhere in the world."

"James... Kelly?" I asked, frowning as something tugged at my memory. I blinked in surprise, looking over at her as my breath caught in my throat. "Does… does he go by, Jim, by any chance?" I asked, as Quinn eyed me warily and slowly nodded.

"I think so… yes, wh— oh." She started with surprise as I dug out my wallet and flipped to the back of my card section; where I kept a photo of my family that had been taken in Sunset Beach, just before Jim proposed. "Oh… goodness—" Quinn tentatively took the photo, examining it with eyes far more observant than my own.

I’d known Jim for years now, but it wasn’t until Quinn mentioned her surname and a living relative that I thought to compare the two.

The first, most obvious similarity; was their fiery red hair. The exact same shade; and though I didn’t particularly wish to go around feeling my step-dad’s hair, I suspected nonetheless it would be just as soft. Next was their eyes; the same crystal clear blue; like a foreign ocean in some magazine. There were hints in the set of their jawlines, the curve of their brows; all of which painted an inescapable truth before us.

“You’re great-nephew married my mom…” I said slowly, before I began to laugh.

“So… it would seem.” Quinn agreed slowly, her eyes no doubt burning the image of Jim into her memory. She glanced over at me with a faint frown as I continued to laugh uncontrollably. “Why, exactly, is that so hilarious?” She asked cautiously, seeming uncertain as to whether my mental capacity had finally surpassed it’s limit of crazy.

“It’s just…” I gasped, shaking my head as I wiped the absurd tears of joy, relief, pain and sorrow from beneath my eyes. “He wanted so much for me to be normal… to not be connected to any of you. B-but… you’re related to me, distantly, by marriage anyway…” I trailed off into hiccups, burying my face in my arm as I tried desperately to get a hold on myself before I started crying. “S-stupid vampire doesn’t want me involved in your world and… and…”

“Taylor… Taylor, stop… shh… It’s okay…” Quinn’s soft tone made me realise that the sobbing had begun without my permission. I took a deep breath and tried to smother all the hysteria I felt, shaking my head as I lowered my arm and cleared my throat.

“Sorry.” I said, coughing awkwardly as I quickly wiped my eyes again. “I promise to behave now.” I said, snorting softly. Quinn eyed me dubiously, seeming torn and about to say something; so I blurted the first question I thought of. "Did you find out why they put you in that place?" It probably wasn’t one of my most tactful moments; but I was still curious. I mean, what would drive parents to that extreme? Even if their daughter _did_ see visions of the future 

She hesitated a moment, before she accepted my distraction tactic and shook her head, her crystal blue eyes turning thoughtful. "I couldn't find much about them. I went through all the old newspapers on microfiche. My family wasn't mentioned often; they weren't part of the social circle that made the papers. My parents' engagement was there, and... Pippi's." The name fell uncertainly from her tongue. "My birth was announced; and my death. I found my grave. I also filched my admissions sheet from the old asylum archives. The date on the admission and the date on my tombstone are the same."

I didn't know what to say, and, after a short pause, Quinn moved on to lighter topics.

The Darwin’s were reassembled now, with the one exception, spending Cornell's spring break in Ural Mountains with Raj and his family. I listened too eagerly to even the most trivial news. She never mentioned the one I was most interested in; and for that I was grateful. It was enough to listen to the stories of the family I'd once dreamed of belonging to. My connection to Quinn now would be enough to sustain me; until she left me again, and I found my way to Jeanine.

Scott didn't get back until after dark, and he looked even more worn than he had the night before. He would be headed back to the reservation first thing in the morning for Charlie's funeral, so he turned in early. I stayed on the couch with Quinn again.

Scott was almost a stranger when he came down the stairs before the sun was up, wearing an old suit I'd never seen him in before. The jacket hung open; I guessed it was too tight to fasten the buttons anymore. His tie was a bit wide for the current style. He tiptoed to the door, trying not to wake us up. I let him go, pretending to sleep, as Quinn did on the recliner.

As soon as he was out the door, Quinn sat up. Under the quilt, she was fully dressed.

"So, what are we doing today?" she asked.

"I don't know... do you see anything interesting happening?"

She smiled and shook her head. "But it's still early."

All the time I'd been spending being babysat in Hartfeld meant a pile of things I'd been neglecting at home, and I decided to catch up on my chores. I wanted to do something, anything that might make life easier for Scott maybe it would make him feel just a little better to come home to a clean, organized house. I started with the bathroom as it showed the most signs of neglect.

While I worked, Quinn leaned against the doorjamb and asked nonchalant questions about my, well, our old college friends and what they had been up to since she'd left. Her face stayed casual and emotionless, but I sensed her disapproval when she realized how little I could actually tell her. Or maybe I just had a guilty conscience after eavesdropping on her conversation with Scott yesterday morning.

I paused only once, carefully keeping my face turned towards the sink so she was behind me, as a thought occurred to me. “Um…” I hesitated, licking my lips as I tried to think of a way to ask tactfully; before giving up with a sigh. “I was wondering… if Z-Zahra, ever happened to um… have words with Brian Crandall..?” I asked awkwardly, knowing my face was red and pleased that my back was to her.

Quinn was silent for a heartbeat too long, and when she answered, her tone was just slightly too innocent to be honest. “I’m pretty sure she never spoke to him, no.” I frowned, curious why the girl would have done such a thing, when she so obviously hated me. I shook my head and turned away, moving on to my next task.

I was literally up to my elbows in Comet, scrubbing the floor of the bathtub; when the doorbell rang.

I looked to Quinn at once, and her expression was perplexed, almost worried, which was strange; Quinn was never taken by surprise.

"Hold on!" I shouted in the general direction of the front door, getting up and hurrying to the sink to rinse my arms off.

"Taylor," Quinn said with a trace of frustration in her voice, "I have a fairly good guess who that might be, and I think I'd better step out."

"Guess?" I echoed. Since when did Quinn have to guess anything?

"If this is a repeat of my egregious lapse in foresight yesterday, then it's most likely Diego Soto or one of his... _friends_."

I stared at her, putting it together much slower than she had. "You can't see werewolves?"

She grimaced. "So it would seem." She was obviously annoyed by this fact; very annoyed.

The doorbell rang again, buzzing twice quickly and impatiently.

"You don't have go anywhere, Quinn. You were here first." I protested. “Besides, Diego… he’s really trying to be understanding. He’s not going to try anything…”

She laughed her silvery little laugh, but it had a dark edge. "Trust me; it wouldn't be a good idea to have me and Diego Soto in a room together… however hard he’s trying."

She kissed my cheek swiftly before she vanished through Scott's door; and out his back window, no doubt.

The doorbell rang again.


	18. Trouble

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My heart... it breaks
> 
> x Our love to you all x

**Trouble**

I sprinted down the stairs and threw the door open.

It was Diego, of course. Even blind, Quinn wasn’t slow.

He was standing about six feet back from the door, his nose wrinkled in distaste, but his face otherwise smooth… masklike. He didn’t fool me; I could see the faint trembling of his hands.

Discomfort rolled off of him in waves. I couldn’t help but think back to that awful afternoon when he’d chosen Sean over me; and I felt my chin jerk up defensively in response. I wondered if Quinn had been right after all, and I’d been overestimating Diego’s ability to look past her _species_ for my sake.

Diego’s Impala idled by the curb with Kyle behind the wheel and Julian in the passenger seat. I understood what this meant: they were afraid to let him come here alone. It made me sad, and a little annoyed. The Darwin’s weren’t like that.

“Hey,” I finally said when he didn’t speak.

Diego pursed his lips, still hanging back from the door. His eyes flickered across the front of the house.

I ground my teeth. “She’s not here. Do you need something?”

He hesitated. “You’re alone?”

“Yes.” I sighed.

“Can I talk to you a minute?”

“Of course you can, Diego. Come on in.”

Diego glanced over his shoulder at his friends in the car. I saw Julian shake his head just a tiny bit. For some reason, this bugged me to no end.

My teeth clenched together again. “ _Ba-caw_.” I mumbled under my breath.

Diego’s eyes flashed back to me, his lips quirking into a brief flash of a grin as soon as his face was out of sight of the others. Then his jaw set; and he marched, there was no other way to describe the way he moved, up the sidewalk and shrugged past me into the house.

I locked gazes with first Kyle and then Julian. I didn’t like the hard way they eyed me; did they really think I would let anything hurt Diego? I flashed them a grin, before I shut the door on them.

Diego was in the hall behind me, staring at the mess of blankets in the living room; but he seemed more relaxed than he had outside at least.

“Slumber party?” he asked, his tone sarcastic, but lighter than when he’d been on the doorstep.

“Yeah,” I answered with the same level of acid. I didn’t like Diego when he acted this way, but I had the sense that there was more to his behaviour than simple displeasure. I narrowed my eyes, and played along. “What’s it to you?”

He wrinkled his nose again like he smelled something unpleasant. “Where’s your _‘friend’_?” I could hear the quotation marks in his tone. He frowned and scratched the back of his neck in frustration.

I rolled my eyes. I was growing tired of this game quickly. “She had some errands to run. Look, Diego, what do you want?”

Something about the room seemed to make him edgier… his long arms were quivering. He didn’t answer my question. Instead he moved on to the kitchen, his restless eyes darting everywhere.

I followed him. He paced back and forth along the short counter.

“Hey,” I said, putting myself in his way. He stopped pacing and stared down at me. “What is your problem?” I demanded, scowling at him. Game over. “You _said_ you understood, that you got it… not that you were gonna act like Judge Judy and-”

“I don’t like having to be here.” Diego interrupted, sighing as he shook his head irritably.

That stung. I winced, and his eyes tightened as he frowned. 

“Then I’m sorry you had to come,” I muttered. “Why don’t you tell me what you need so you can leave again?” I said, curling an arm around my chest distractedly.

“I don’t mean that how it sounds, dude…” Diego said slowly, swallowing as if he had a bad taste in his mouth. “I would be happy to be here, if it were—” he broke off, his mouth opening and closing mutely as he seemed to choke on air.

I realised abruptly what he meant. “Oh…” I said, blinking as he looked at me with relief. “Sean _made_ you come?” I guessed, reaching for Diego’s hand and squeezing gently when he nodded, but continued to stare at me intently. “... he sent you with the babysitters out there? To make sure you did as you were told.” I said quietly. I wasn’t sure if the other two would hear me outside in the Impala, but I knew it was likely they could. “Stupid werewolf babies.” I muttered for their benefit, pleased when Diego cracked a more genuine grin and seemed to relax somewhat more.

“I just have to ask you a couple of questions.” He said, still slightly more abrupt than I’d have liked, though at least I understood why now. “It shouldn’t take long... we have to get back for the funeral.”

“Okay.” I said, content to play along again now I knew what the hell was going on. “Get it over with then.” I was probably overdoing it with the antagonism, but I figured it would be a good touch, and would only make things more believable for the two out front. Plus… I didn’t want him to see know much this still hurt, under my bravado. I knew it wasn’t really fair of me. After all, I’d picked the bloodsucker over the wolves last night. I’d hurt them first.

But I made my choice long ago about which mythical being I most wanted to be surrounded by… and to be.

Diego took a deep breath, and his trembling fingers were suddenly still. His face smoothed into a serene mask.

“One of the Darwin’s is staying here with you,” he stated.

“Yes. Quinn McKenzie.”

He nodded thoughtfully. “How long is she here for?”

“As long as she wants to be.” The belligerence returned to my tone. I tried to remind myself that this wasn’t Diego’s choice, to lay down this line of questioning; but it was hard when I felt so much more connected to her than ever. “It’s an open invitation… we discovered last night that her great nephew is married to my mom last night.”

“Holy shit dude, Jim is—” Diego began excitedly, before he began to choke on air again.

I frowned as Diego scowled and growled, kicking the kitchen counter in frustration. “You’re not allowed to talk to me about anything to do with them, are you?” I guessed, as Diego shook his head tightly. “Do you have to stick to the script entirely..? Or is it just stuff which paints them as something other than monsters, that’s off limits?” I asked curiously, though I was annoyed that Sean would put such a restriction over our heads.

Diego huffed and scowled at the floor for a moment, seeming to gather himself before lifting his eyes to meet mine. “Do you think you could; please, explain to her about the other one… Jeanine?” He asked through tightly clenched teeth; though his eyes expressed his own irritation.

I supposed that was answer enough.

“I told her about that.” I said quietly, nodding my head slowly.

He nodded. “You should know that we can only watch our own lands with a member of the Darwin clan here. You’ll only be safe in Hartfeld. I can’t protect you here anymore.”

“Okay,” I said in a small voice. I knew he’d be devastated if anything happened to me now; if I managed to get away after Quinn left, before the wolves became aware of her departure and knew to put me back on suicide watch.

He looked away then, out the back windows. He didn’t continue; and I guessed he was thinking the same thing as me, though he just wasn’t able to say it yet.

“Is that all?” I asked with a sigh, annoyed at Sean again for the annoying restriction now hanging over our friendship.

He kept his eyes on the glass as he answered. “Just one more thing.”

I waited, but he didn’t continue. “Diego?” I finally prompted.

“Are the rest of them coming back now?” He asked in a cool, quiet voice. It reminded me of Sean’s always calm manner. Diego was becoming more like Sean... I wondered if it was because of the order he'd been given, or if it was truly him changing. I also why that bothered me so much.

Now I didn’t speak. He looked back at my face with probing eyes, his gaze turning sympathetic as he seemed to read the words I didn’t want to speak in my eyes.

“Taylor?” He asked. He struggled to push through something, locked behind his serene expression.

“No.” I said finally. Reluctantly. Grudgingly. I didn't want to tell Sean any of this; it wasn't his business! I desperately wanted them back. All of them. “They aren’t coming back.”

His expression didn’t change. “Okay." He said, sighing as he walked over and took my hand. "That’s all.”

I glared at him, annoyance rekindled, despite knowing it wasn’t Diego’s fault. “Well, run along now... Go tell Sean that the scary monsters aren’t coming to get them.”

“Okay,” he repeated, still calm as he squeezed my hand.

That seemed to be it. Diego released me reluctantly and walked swiftly from the kitchen. I waited to hear the front door open, but I heard nothing. I could hear the clock over the stove ticking, and I marveled again at how quiet he’d become.

What a disaster. How could we have been alienated so completely in such a short amount of time? Was it Sean's order, or did Diego really hate me now?

Paranoia set in hard; smothering and choking me.

Would the wolves forgive me when Quinn was gone? What if they didn’t? Would they try to stop Diego seeing me again?

I slumped against the counter and buried my face in my hands. How had I made such a mess of everything? But what could I have done differently? Even in hindsight, I couldn’t think of any better way, any perfect course of action.

“Taylor... ?” Diego asked in a troubled voice.

I pulled my face out of my hands to see Diego hesitating in the kitchen doorway; he hadn’t left when I’d thought. It was only when I saw the clear drops sparkling in my hands that I realized I was crying.

Diego’s calm expression was gone; his face was anxious and unsure. He walked quickly back to stand in front of me, ducking his head so that his eyes were closer to being on the same level as mine.

“Did it again, didn’t I?”

“Did what?” I asked, my voice cracking.

“Broke my promise. Sorry.” He said, panting with the effort to keep talking.

“‘S’okay,” I mumbled. “I started it this time.” I sniffed and cleared my throat, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand. “Dude, you don’t have to push yourself… if Sean doesn’t want you talking to me while Quinn’s here—”

“He said I’m too sympathetic.” He said quickly, wincing at some pain as he grit his teeth and shook his head in frustration. His face twisted. “We all knew how you felt about them. It shouldn’t have taken him by surprise like that.”

I could see the revulsion he was fighting in his eyes. I was touched that he was trying so hard for me, trying to look past the exterior to the _souls_ within the creatures he’d been told to hate.

Try as I might, I couldn’t think of anything strong enough to say about his efforts. So I just said, “Sorry,” again.

“Let’s not worry about it, okay? She’s just visiting, right? She’ll leave, and things will go back to normal.” He said, rubbing my shoulder as I flinched at the reminder of her no doubt too soon departure.

“Can’t I be friends with you both at the same time?” I asked, my voice not hiding an ounce of the hurt I felt.

“So far as I’m concerned, you’re my best friend for life, dude…” Diego said warmly, before sighing forlornly. “But Sean and the guys…” He shook his head slowly. “So far as they’re concerned… no, I don’t think you can.”

I sniffed and stared at his big feet. “But you’ll wait, right? You’ll still be my friend, even though I love Quinn, too?”

I didn’t look up, afraid to see what he’d think of that last part. It took him a minute to answer, and I panicked briefly, before he whacked me round the back of the head gently.

“Don’t be stupid dude, I’ll always be your friend,” he said gruffly. “No matter what you love.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

I felt his arms wind around me, and I leaned against his chest, still sniffling. “This sucks.”

“Yeah.” Then he sniffed my hair and said, “Ew.”

“What?!” I demanded. I looked up to see that his nose was wrinkled again. “Why does everyone keep doing that to me? I do _not_ smell!”

He laughed at my reaction. “Yeah dude, you really do… you smell like them. All sweet… like, sickly sweet. And... icy. It burns my nose.”

“Really?” That was strange. Quinn smelled unbelievably wonderful. To a mere human like me, anyway. “But why would Quinn think I smelled, too, then?”

That made his smile grow even bigger. “Heh. Maybe I don’t smell so good to her, either.” He snorted.

“Well, you both smell fine to me.” I grumbled petulantly, as I rested my head atop his shoulder again.

I was going to miss him terribly when he walked out my door. It was a nasty catch-twenty two… on the one hand, I wanted Quinn to stay forever. I was going to die; in every sense… when she left me. But how was I supposed to go without seeing Diego for the length of time she was here? I wouldn’t be able to see him again afterwards, because he’d then be able to stop me from ending this stupid situation with Jeanine.

What a mess, I thought again.

“I’ll miss you,” Diego whispered, echoing my thoughts. “Every minute. l wish I could stay longer, but Sean…” He said, sighing again as he leaned his cheek against the back of my head. “I don’t want you to hurt, dude… but I kinda hope she leaves soon, just so we can hang out again.”

“It really doesn’t have to be that way, Diego.” I protested. What joy it could be to have them both here. For my final moments. “Maybe, I could call Sean… explain—”

“Yeah, it does, dude… phoning Sean won’t help.” He said simply and sighed. “Taylor. You... love her. So I’d better not get anywhere near her. I’m not sure that I’m even-tempered enough to handle it, to have her here as well. Sean would be mad if I broke the treaty, plus...” his voice turned exasperated. ”You probably wouldn’t like it too much if I killed your friend… intentional or otherwise”

I recoiled from him when he said that, but he only tightened his arms, refusing to let me escape. "There’s no point in avoiding the truth. That’s just the way things are, dude.”

“I do _not_ like the way things are.”

Diego freed one arm so that he could cup his big tanned hand under my chin and make me look at him. “Yeah... It was easier when we were both human, wasn’t it?”

I sighed.

We stared at each other for a long moment. His hand smoldered against my skin. In my face, I knew there was nothing but wistful sadness… I didn’t want to have to say goodbye now, especially knowing it would be the last time I saw him. At first his face reflected mine, but then, as neither of us looked away, his expression changed; and he seemed to realise something I’d hoped I could hide from him.

He saw the emptiness in me. The dead and rotten core at the heart of the hole in my chest. I knew that he had realised my intent; and he was devastated by it. It was almost enough to change my mind.

“Taylor,” he whispered, horrified and pleading.

I was frozen.

No! I hadn’t planned on him knowing this decision yet. I didn’t know if I could do this, and now he would tell the others; they’d be watching out for Quinn’s departure, so they could resume their babysitting. But I would have been a fool if I thought lying to him now would have no consequences.

I stared back at him. He was my best friend, Diego, but he was also a werewolf now. He had a duty to protect human lives; mine especially _because_ he was my best friend. His face was familiar and beloved, even twisted with grief as it was. I loved him like my own, currently sulking and silent, brother. He was my comfort, my safe harbor. It was good that I got to see him now; I just wish he hadn’t twigged what was going to happen, the second Quinn left.

She was back for the moment, but that changed nothing. True love was forever lost. My glorious, rugged Romeo was never coming back to live happily ever after with me. I was not destined for him, after all.

Maybe it would be easy… just drive out to somewhere empty and secluded; I wasn’t sure what would come next, if I was honest. Would I just yell loudly? Would she be able to smell me? Would I be able to find somewhere that she could find me, before the wolves got to me first?

Keeping his eyes on mine, Diego began to shake his head. I remained still. There was no point in trying to say anything on either of our parts.

The shrill ring of the phone made us both jump, but it did not break his focus. He took his hand from under my chin and reached over me to grab the receiver, but still held my face securely with the hand against my cheek. His dark eyes did not free mine. I was too muddled to react, even to take advantage of the distraction and evade the tirade I knew he planned to throw at me as soon as he’d hung up; to demand I find some shred of a desire to live.

He was going to be severely disappointed.

“Lee residence,” Diego said, his husky voice low and intense in his irritation and urgency.

Someone answered, and Diego sighed with frustration. He shifted his weight, and his hand dropped from my face. He ran his hand through his hair, his eyes narrowing enough that I would have bet the measly remainder of my university funds it was Quinn on the line.

I recovered myself and held out my hand for the phone. Diego ignored me.

“He’s not here,” Diego said, and the words were rushed, he was in a hurry to get off the phone and return to the argument I could see he was planning; and he wasn’t about to let me start a prolonged conversation with whoever it was to avoid his scolding.

There was some very short reply, a request for more information it seemed, because he added distractedly. “He’s at the funeral.”

Then Diego hung up the phone. “Stupid, distracting bloodsucker,” he muttered under his breath. The face he turned back to me was a determined mask. “Taylor—” he began firmly, but I was too shocked my his previous comment.

“Who did you just hang up on?” I gasped, infuriated. “In _my_ house, and on _my_ goddamn phone?”

“Easy! He hung up on me!” Diego countered, scowling and jabbing a finger towards me. “Besides, there’s no way in hell I’m letting you avoid-”

“He?” My blood turned cold; and I told myself not to hope. “Who was it?!” I demanded, glaring back at Diego just as intently as he was glaring at me.

“Dr. Mike Darwin.” He sighed, ignoring my indignant sound of outrage. “But—”

“Why didn’t you let me talk to him?!” I fumed, trying to dodge around him to get to the phone and hit redial.

“He didn’t _ask_ for you,” Diego said coldly. His eyes narrowed as his hands shook. “He asked where Scott was and I told him. I don’t think I broke any rules of etiquette here; I was even _polite!_ To a goddamn bloodsucker!” He said. “Taylor, stop trying to pick a fight and-”

“You listen to me, Diego Soto...”

But he obviously wasn’t listening. He looked quickly over his shoulder, as if someone had called his name from the other room. His eyes went wide and his body stiff, then he started trembling. I listened too, automatically, but heard nothing.

“Taylor,” he choked out, his eyes wide and pleading; before he wheeled toward the front door.

“Diego?” I ran after him. “What is it?”

And then I ran into him, as he rocked back on his heels, cursing under his breath. He spun around again, knocking me sideways. I bobbled and fell to the floor, my legs tangled with his.

“Fucking, _ow_!” I protested as he hurriedly jerked his legs free one at a time.

I struggled to pull myself up as he darted for the back door; he suddenly froze again.

Quinn stood motionless at the foot of the stairs.

“Taylor,” she choked.

I scrambled to my feet and lurched to her side. Her eyes were dazed and far away, her face drawn and whiter than bone. Her slim body trembled to an inner turmoil.

“Quinn, what’s wrong?” I cried. I put my hands on her face, trying to calm her.

Her eyes focused on mine abruptly, wide with pain.

“Jake,” was all she whispered.

My body reacted faster than my mind was able to catch up with the implications of her reply. I didn’t at first understand why the room was spinning or where the hollow roar in my ears was coming from. My mind labored, unable to make sense of Quinn’s bleak face and how it could possibly relate to Jake, while my body was already swaying, seeking the relief of unconsciousness before the reality could hit me.

The stairway tilted at the oddest angle.

Diego’s furious voice was suddenly in my ear, hissing out a stream of profanities. I felt a vague disapproval. His new friends were clearly a bad influence.

I was on the couch without understanding how I got there, and Diego was still swearing. It felt like there was an earthquake… the couch was shaking under me.

“What did you do to him?” he demanded.

Quinn ignored him. “Taylor? Taylor, snap out of it already, you drama queen. We have to hurry.”

“Stay back,” Diego warned.

“Calm down, Diego Soto,” Quinn ordered. “You don’t want to do that so close to him.”

“I don’t think I’ll have any problem keeping my focus,” he retorted, but his voice sounded a little cooler.

“Quinn?” My voice was weak. “What happened?” I asked, even though I didn’t want to hear.

“I don’t know,” she suddenly wailed. “What is the stupid jerk _thinking_?!”

I labored to pull myself up despite the dizziness. I realized it was Diego’s arm I was gripping for balance. He was the one shaking, not the couch.

Quinn was pulling a small silver phone from her bag when my eyes relocated her. Her fingers dialed the numbers so fast they were a blur.

“Z, I need to talk to Mike _now_.” Her voice whipped through the words. “Fine, as soon as he’s back. No, I’ll be on a plane. Look, have you heard anything from Jake?”

Quinn paused now, listening with an expression that grew more appalled every second. Her mouth opened into a little O of horror, and the phone shook in her hand.

“Why?” she gasped. “ _Why_ would you do that, Zahra?”

Whatever the answer was, it made her jaw tighten in anger. Her eyes flashed and narrowed.

“But, you’re wrong on both counts, though, Zahra, so that would be a problem, don’t you think?” she asked acidly. “Yes, that’s right. He’s absolutely fine. I was wrong. It’s a long story. But you’re wrong about that part, too, that’s why I’m calling... Yes, that’s exactly what I saw.”

Quinn’s voice was very hard and her lips were pulled back from her teeth. “It’s a bit late for that, Zahra. Save your remorse for someone who believes it.” Quinn snapped the phone shut with a sharp twist of her fingers.

Her eyes were tortured as she turned to face me.

“Quinn,” I blurted out quickly. I couldn’t let her speak yet. I needed a few more seconds before she spoke and her words destroyed what was left of my life. “Quinn, Mike _is_ back, though. He called just before...”

She stared at me blankly. “How long ago?” she asked in a hollow voice.

“Half a minute before you showed up.”

“What did he say?” She really focused now, waiting for my answer.

“I didn’t talk to him.” My eyes flickered to Diego.

Quinn turned her penetrating gaze on him. He flinched guiltily, but held his place next to me. He sit awkwardly, almost as if he were trying to shield me with his body.

“He asked for Scott... and I told him Scott wasn’t here,” Diego muttered awkwardly, seeming to sense his previous hostility was misplaced.

“Is that everything?” Quinn demanded, her voice like ice.

“Then he hung up on me,” Diego mumbled back. A tremor rolled down his spine, shaking me with it.

“You told him Scott was at the funeral,” I reminded him.

Quinn jerked her head back toward me. “What were his exact words?”

“He said, ‘He’s not here,’ and when Mike asked where Scott was, Diego said, ‘He’s at the funeral.’”

Quinn moaned and sank to her knees.

“Quinn,” I whispered. “Tell me what’s going on, please…”

“Yeah, if someone could clue me in; that would be really cool…” Diego added, glancing between Quinn and me uncertainly. “Because this is really weird and I’m not sure what’s happening right now, and that’s freaking me out even more.”

“That wasn’t Mike on the phone,” Quinn said hopelessly.

“Are you calling me a liar?” Diego demanded from beside me.

Quinn ignored him, focusing on my bewildered face. “It was Jake.” Her words were just a choked whisper. “He thinks you’re dead.”

My mind started to work again. These words weren’t the ones I’d been afraid of, and the relief cleared my head.

“Zahra told him I killed myself, didn’t she?” I said, sighing as I relaxed.

“Yes,” Quinn admitted, her eyes flashing hard again. “In her defense, she did believe it. They rely on my sight far too much for something that works so imperfectly. But for her to track him down to tell him this! Didn’t she realize... or care... ?” Her voice faded away in horror.

“Sight?” Diego’s voice interrupted, his eyes flicking between my face and Quinn’s suspiciously.

Quinn looked at me in surprise, raising a brow in question. “I said I wouldn’t play spy… in case you all came back one day.” I said, though I couldn’t keep my eyes on hers as I continued. “I mean, after I…” I paused, the words hanging unspoken between us all.

“Which won’t be for a _long_ time.” Diego finally said firmly, his eyes meeting Quinn’s as she looked over at him sharply. “No matter what stupid shit you’re thinking, just now.”

“Taylor-” Quinn began furiously, scowling as she looked back at me.

“Quinn can see the future!” I said quickly, answering Diego’s previous question in the hopes of diverting his attention. Quinn’s still narrowed eyes told me she would be keeping a closer watch on my future for awhile. I decided to involve Diego in all my future plans; at least until the last possible moment.

“That’s awesome…” Diego mused, before seeming to recover himself. “I mean, uh… that sucks…” He coughed guiltily.

“This is all a wonderful bonding moment and all, but can we just deal with one fatal situation at a time?” Quinn demanded, still watching me with a tight expression.

“So…” I said, clearing my throat as I frowned and tried to understand what had happened. “When Jake called here, he thought Diego meant that Scott was at... _my_ funeral,” I realized. It stung to know how close I’d been, just inches away from his voice. My nails dug into Diego’s arm, but he didn’t flinch.

Quinn looked at me strangely. “You’re not upset,” she whispered in disbelief.

“Well, it’s really rotten timing, but it will all get straightened out. The next time he calls, someone will tell him... what... really...” I trailed off. Her gaze strangled the words in my throat.

Why was she so panicked? Why was her face twisting now with pity and horror? What was it she had said to Zahra on the phone just now? Something about what she’d seen... and Zahra’s remorse; Zahra would never feel remorse for anything that happened to _me_. But if she’d hurt her family, hurt her brother...

“Taylor,” Quinn whispered. “Jake won’t call again. He _believed_ her.”

“ _I. Don’t. Understand_.” My mouth framed each word in silence. I couldn’t push the air out to actually say the words that would make her explain what that meant.

“He’s going to Italy.”

It took the length of one heartbeat for me to comprehend.

When Jake’s voice came back to me now, it was not the perfect imitation of my delusions. It was just the weak, flat tone of my memories. But the words alone were enough to shred through my chest and leave it gaping open. Words from a time when I would have bet everything that I owned or could borrow on that fact that he loved me.

 _Well, I weren't gonna live without ya._ He’d said as we watched Romeo and Juliet die, right here in this very room. _But I weren't sure how to do it. I knew Mike, Craig and Kele'd never help, so I was thinkin' maybe I'd go to Italy and do somethin' to provoke the Volturi_ ... _Y_ _a don't irritate the Volturi_ _._ _Not unless ya wanna die_.

Not unless you want to die.

“ _No_ !” The half-shrieked denial was so loud after the whispered words, it made us all jump. I felt the blood rushing to my face as I realized what she’d seen. "No! No, no, _no_ ! That selfish, stupid _bastard!_ He can’t! He _can’t_ do that!” I ranted, abruptly furious as I remembered yet another promise meant nothing to him. So easily broken. “I made him _promise_ ! I _told_ him I’d hit him with something if he _dared_ do this!”

“He made up his mind as soon as your friend confirmed that it was too late to save you.”

“But he... he _left_ ! He didn’t _want_ me anymore! What difference does it make now? He _knew_ I would die sometime!”

“Dude, you’re so dense sometimes…” Diego sighed beside me.

“I don’t think he ever planned to outlive you by long,” Quinn said quietly.

“How _dare_ he!” I screamed. I was on my feet now, and Diego rose uncertainly to put himself between Quinn and me again. “He fucking _promised_ ! Why do _all_ his promises mean fucking nothing to him?!” I snarled, pacing back to the stairway in agitation before turning towards Quinn. “Oh, get out of the _way_ , Diego!” I elbowed my way around his trembling body with desperate impatience. “What do we do?” I demanded of Quinn. There had to be something. “Can’t we call him? Can Mike?”

She was shaking her head. “That was the first thing I tried. He left his phone in a trash can in Rio. Someone answered it...” she whispered.

“You said before we had to hurry. Hurry how? Let’s do it, whatever it is!”

“Taylor, I...I don’t think I can ask you to...” She trailed off in indecision.

“Then don’t ask; just tell me!” I commanded.

She put her hands on my shoulders, holding me in place, her fingers flexing sporadically to emphasize her words. “We may already be too late. I saw him going to the Volturi... and asking to die.” We both cringed, and my eyes were suddenly blind. I blinked feverishly at the tears. “It all depends on what they choose. I can’t see that till they make a decision." She explained. “But if they say no, and they might; Everett is fond of Mike, and wouldn’t want to offend him… Jake has a backup plan. They’re very protective of their city. If Jake does something to upset the peace, he thinks they’ll act to stop him. And he’s right. They will.”

I stared at her with my jaw clenched in irritation. I’d heard nothing yet that would explain why we were still standing here.

“So if they agree to grant his favor, we’re too late. If they say no, and he comes up with a plan to offend them quickly enough, we’re too late. If he gives into his more theatrical tendencies... we might have time.”

“Let’s go!”

“Listen, Taylor! Whether we are in time or not, we will be in the heart of the Volturi city. I will be considered his accomplice if he is successful. You will be a human who not only knows too much, but also smells too darn good. There’s a _very_ good chance that they will eliminate us all… though in your case it won’t be punishment so much as, you know... dinnertime.”

“ _This_ is what’s keeping us here?” I asked in disbelief. “I’ll go alone if you’re bloody afraid.” I mentally tabulated what money was left in my account, and wondered if Quinn would lend me the rest.

“I’m only afraid of getting you killed.”

I laughed bitterly, before shaking my head in disgust. “I almost get _myself_ killed on a daily basis! Tell me what I need to damn well do, Quinn!” I insisted furiously.

“You write a note to Scott. I’ll call the airlines.” She said after a moments pause.

“Scott,” I blinked in sudden realisation.

Not that my presence was protecting him, but could I leave him here alone to face Jeanine’s fury, when she discovered me missing. I had no way to show her I would return and let her claim her prize...

“I’m not going to let anything happen to Scott.” Diego’s low voice was a multitude of emotions; it was sad, gruff, angry and resigned, all in one. “Screw the treaty.”

“Hardly, we’d be very thankful for your help.” Quinn countered distractedly. “We’ve got nothing against you… so long as you mind your tempers.”

I glanced up at him, and he scowled at my grateful expression.

“Hurry, Taylor,” Quinn interrupted urgently.

I ran to the kitchen, yanking the drawers open and throwing the contents all over the floor as I searched for a pen. A smooth, tanned hand held one out to me.

“Thanks,” I mumbled, pulling the cap off with my teeth. He silently handed me the pad of paper we wrote phone messages on. I tore off the top sheet and threw it over my shoulder.

“Tell him we’re going hiking… if you mention going abroad so suddenly; he’s going to flip. I’ll get Ricardo to tell him we’re safe.” Diego muttered, though his brow was furrowed.

I blinked, my eyes watering with gratitude as he scowled at me.

“Don’t think that means we’re done with this.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it… jerk.” I huffed, wiping my eyes roughly.

“Shut up and write your damn note, bitch.” Diego sighed.

 _Dad_ , I wrote. _I’m with Dego. I know it’s a bad time, but we’re going to camp for a little while to mourn Charlie. So sorry. Love you so much. Taylor._

“Taylor,” Diego whispered. The anger was all gone now that the concern was settling in. The uncertainty of my return hitting him like the realisation of my intent to die. “Please… are you sure about this?”

I wasn’t prepared to waste time arguing with him. “Please, please, please take care of Scott,” I pleaded, gripping his hand briefly. He sighed and nodded as I dashed back out to the front room. Quinn was waiting in the doorway with a bag over her shoulder.

“Get your wallet… you’ll need ID. _Please_ tell me you have a passport. I don’t have time to forge one.”

I nodded and then raced up the stairs, my knees weak with gratitude that my mother had wanted to marry Jim on a beach in the Caribbean. Of course, like all her plans, it had fallen through. But not before I’d made all the practical arrangements I could for her.

I tore through my room. I stuffed my old wallet, a clean t-shirt and jeans into my backpack, and then threw my toothbrush on top. I hurled myself back down the stairs. The sense of deja vu was nearly stifling by this point. At least, unlike the last time; when I’d run away from Cedar Cove to escape thirsty vampires rather than to find them, I wouldn’t have to say goodbye to Scott in person.

Diego and Quinn were locked in some kind of confrontation in front of the open door, standing so far apart you wouldn’t assume at first that they were having a conversation. Neither one seemed to notice my noisy reappearance.

“You might control yourself on occasion, but these leeches you’re taking him to...” Diego was trying to reason with her. I was both touched and irritated by his attempt.

“Yes. You’re right, _dog_.” Quinn was snarling, her fear overwhelming her ability to be polite. "The Volturi are the very essence of our kind… they’re the reason your hair stands on end when you smell me. They are the substance of your nightmares, the dread behind your instincts. I’m not unaware of that.”

“And you take him to them like a bottle of wine for a party!” he accused quietly, shaking his head slowly.

“You think he’d be better off if I left him here alone, with Jeanine stalking him?” She demanded. “You know as well as I do what he’s planning… if we can get to Jake in time; that might actually put an end to his stupidity!”

“We can handle the redhead.” Diego muttered sullenly, though his shoulders sagged as he seemed to realise the truth behind her words.

“Then why is she still hunting?”

Diego growled, and a shudder rippled through his torso as he took the barb more personally than those about my idiocy and lack of self preservation.

“Stop it, both of you!” I shouted at them both, wild with impatience. “Argue when we get back, let’s go!”

Quinn turned for the car, disappearing in her haste. I hurried after her, pausing automatically to turn and lock the door.

Diego caught my arm with a shivering hand. “Please, Taylor. I’m begging you… come back, dude.” His dark eyes were glistening with tears. A lump filled my throat.

“Diego, I have to...” I swallowed thickly, shaking my head as I tried to make him understand. “I can’t let Jake do this, it’s not his fault like he thinks. I’ll make him see that; and I’ll come back.” I said.

Stupid, gorgeous vampire wasn’t the only one who could make promises with every intention to break them.

“Taylor, you better mean that.” Diego warned. “If you think—”

The engine of Mike’s Jaguar purred; the rhythm of the thrumming spiked when Quinn revved it impatiently and interrupted the rest of his sentence.

“Don’t die, Taylor,” he choked out. “ _Please_... just don’t.”

I shook my head, tears spattering from my eyes with the sharp motion.

What if I never saw him again?

The thought pushed me past the silent tears; a sob broke out from my chest. I pulled my arm free of his hold and threw both arms around his waist and hugged for one; too-short moment, burying my tear-wet face against his chest. He put his big hand on the back of my head, as if to hold me there.

“Bye, Diego.” I pulled his hand from my hair, and squeezed it gently. I couldn’t bear to look at his face. “Sorry,” I whispered.

Then I spun and raced for the car. The door on the passenger side was open and waiting. I threw my backpack over the headrest and slid in, slamming the door behind me.

“Take care of Scott!” I turned to shout out the window, but Diego was nowhere in sight. As Quinn stomped on the gas and; with the tires screeching like human screams, spun us around to face the road, I caught sight of a shred of white near the edge of the trees. A piece of a shoe.


	19. Volterra

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost... there...
> 
> x Our love to you all x  
> ✲ﾟ｡.(✿╹◡╹)ﾉ♡.｡₀:*ﾟ✲ﾟ

**Volterra**

We made our flight with seconds to spare; and then the true torture began. The plane sat idle on the tarmac while the flight attendants strolled, so casually, up and down the aisle, patting the bags in the overhead compartments to make sure everything fit. The pilots leaned out of the cockpit, chatting with them as they passed. Quinn’s hand was hard on my shoulder, holding me in my seat while I bounced anxiously up and down.

“It’s faster than running,” she reminded me in a low voice.

I just nodded in time with my bouncing.

At last the plane rolled lazily from the gate, building speed with a gradual steadiness that tortured me further. I expected some kind of relief when we achieved liftoff, but my frenzied impatience didn’t lessen.

How _dare_ Jake damn well do this? How dare he break yet _another_ promise? Were they really so insignificant to him? Did I _ever_ mean anything to him at all; if he couldn’t keep a single _one_ of his stupid promises?

Quinn lifted the phone on the back of the seat in front of her before we’d stopped climbing, turning her back on the stewardess who eyed her with disapproval. Something about my expression stopped the stewardess from coming over to protest.

I tried to tune out what Quinn was murmuring to Kele; I didn’t want to hear the words again, but some slipped through.

“I can’t be sure, I keep seeing him do different things, he keeps changing his mind. A killing spree through the city, attacking the guard, lifting a car over his head in the main square... mostly things that would expose them; he knows that’s the fastest way to force a reaction.” She muttered so fast I almost couldn’t hear her, despite straining my weak, human ears to try and catch her every word.

“No, you can’t.” Quinn’s voice dropped till it was nearly inaudible, though I was sitting inches from her. Contrarily, I listened harder. “Tell Craig no... Well, go after Craig and Zahra and bring them back! Think about it, Kele. If he sees _any_ of us, what do you think he will do?”

She nodded. “Exactly. I think Taylor is the only chance; if there _is_ a chance... I’ll do everything that can be done, but prepare Mike; the odds aren’t good.”

She laughed then, and there was a catch in her voice. “I’ve thought of that... Yes, I promise.” Her voice became pleading. _“Don’t_ follow me. I promise, Kele. One way or another, I’ll get out... And I love you.”

She hung up, and leaned back in her seat with her eyes closed. “I hate lying to him.”

“Tell me everything, Quinn,” I begged.”I don’t understand. “Why did you tell Kele to stop Craig, why can’t they come help us?”

“Two reasons,” she whispered, her eyes still closed. “The first I told him. We could try to stop Jake ourselves… if Craig could get his hands on him, we might be able to stop him long enough to convince him you’re alive. But we can’t sneak up on Jake. And if he sees; or _hears_ , us coming for him, he’ll just act that much faster. He’ll throw a Chrysler through a wall or something, and the Volturi will take him down…” She said, concluding with a weary sigh.

“That’s the second reason of course... the reason I couldn’t say to Kele. Is because; if they’re there and the Volturi kill Jake, they’ll fight them. Taylor.” She opened her eyes and stared at me, beseeching. “If there were any chance we could win… if there were a way that the four of us could save my brother by fighting for him, maybe it would be different. But we _can’t_ , and, Taylor, I _can’t_ lose Kele like that.”

I realized why her eyes begged for my understanding. She was protecting Kele, at our expense, and maybe at Jake’s, too. I understood, and I did not think badly of her. I nodded; knowing I would do the same.

“Couldn’t Jake hear you, though?” I asked.”Wouldn’t he know, as soon as he heard your thoughts, that I was alive, that there was no point to this?”

Not that there was any justification, either way. I still couldn’t believe that he was capable of reacting like this. It made no sense! I remembered with painful clarity his words that day on the sofa, while we watched Romeo and Juliet kill themselves, one after the other. I wasn’t going to live without you, he’d said, as if it should be such an obvious conclusion. But the words he had spoken in the forest as he’d left me had canceled all that out… forcefully.

“If he were listening,” she explained. “But believe it or not, it’s possible to lie with your thoughts. If you had died, I would still try to stop him. And I would be thinking ‘he’s alive, he’s alive’ as hard as I could. He knows that.”

I ground my teeth in mute frustration. Why did Jake have to be so bloody pigheaded?

“If there were any way to do this without you, Taylor, I wouldn’t be endangering you like this. It’s very wrong of me.”

“Don’t be stupid. I’m the last thing you should be worrying about.” I shook my head impatiently. “Tell me what you meant, about hating to lie to Kele.”

She smiled grimly and reached back to begin braiding her long red hair into an immaculate french braid. “I promised him I would get out before they killed me, too. It’s not something I can guarantee… not by a long shot.” She raised her eyebrows, as if willing me to take the danger more seriously.

“Who are these Volturi?” I demanded in a whisper. “What makes them so much more dangerous than Craig, Kele, Zahra, and you?” It was hard to imagine something scarier than the monsters Rex or Jeanine had become while hunting me.

She took a deep breath, and then abruptly leveled a dark glance over my shoulder. I turned in time to see the man in the aisle seat looking away as if he wasn’t listening to us. He appeared to be a businessman, in a dark suit with a power tie and a laptop on his knees. While I stared at him with irritation, he opened the computer and very conspicuously put headphones on.

I leaned closer to Quinn. Her lips were at my ears as she breathed the story.

“I was surprised that you recognized the name,” she said. “That you understood so immediately what it meant… when I said he was going to Italy. I thought I would have to explain. How much did Jake tell you?”

“He just said they were an old, powerful family, uh… like royalty. That you didn’t antagonize them unless you wanted to... to die,” I whispered. The last word was hard to choke out.

“You have to understand,” she said, her voice slower, more measured now. “We Darwin’s are unique in more ways than you know. It’s... abnormal for so many of us to live together in peace. It’s the same for Raj’s family in the north, and Mike speculates that abstaining makes it easier for us to be civilized, to form bonds based on love rather than survival or convenience. Even Rex’s little coven of three was unusually large; and you saw how easily Grant left them. Our kind travel alone, or in pairs, as a general rule. Mike’s family is the biggest in existence, as far as I know, with the one exception. The Volturi.” She said, pausing to let her words sink in. I nodded impatiently.

“There were three of them originally, Everett, Rowan, and Silas.”

“I’ve seen them,” I mumbled. “In the picture in Mike’s study.”

Quinn nodded. “Two females joined them over time, and the five of them make up the main family. I’m not sure, but I suspect that their age is what gives them the ability to live peacefully together. They are well over three thousand years old. Or maybe it’s their gifts that give them extra tolerance. Like Jake and I, Everett and Silas are... talented.”

She continued before I could ask. “Or maybe it’s just their love of power that binds them together. Royalty is an apt description.”

“But if there are only five...”

“Five that make up the _main_ family,” she corrected. “That doesn’t include their subordinates, or their guard.”

I took a deep breath. “That sounds... serious.”

“Oh, it is,” she assured me. “There were nine members of the guard that were permanent, the last time we heard. Others are more... transitory. It changes. And many of them are gifted as well. Some with _formidable_ gifts, gifts that make what I can do look like a mere parlor trick. The Volturi chose them specifically for their abilities; physical or otherwise.”

I opened my mouth, and then closed it. I didn’t think I wanted to know how bad the odds were. At this point, it really didn’t matter to me.

She nodded again, as if she understood exactly what I was thinking. “They don’t get into too many confrontations. No one is stupid enough to mess with them. They stay in their city, leaving only as duty calls.”

“Duty?” I wondered.

“Didn’t Jake tell you what they do?”

“No,” I said, feeling the blank expression on my face.

Quinn looked over my head again, toward the businessman, and put her wintry lips back to my ear.

“There’s a reason he called them royalty; the ruling class. Over the millennia, they have assumed the position of enforcing our rules… which actually translates to punishing transgressors. They fulfill that duty decisively.”

My eyes popped wide with shock. “There are rules?” I asked in a voice that was too loud.

“Shh!”

“Shouldn’t somebody have mentioned this to me earlier?” I whispered angrily. “I mean, I wanted to be a... to be one of you! Shouldn’t somebody have explained the rules to me?”

Quinn giggled once at my reaction. “It’s really not that complicated, Taylor. There’s only one core restriction; and if you think about it, you can probably figure it out for yourself.”

I thought about it. “... to keep the secret.” I murmured, blinking in surprise. It _was_ obvious.

Quinn looked pleased that I’d made the connection for myself. “It makes sense, and most of us don’t need policing,” she continued. “But, after a few centuries, sometimes one of us gets bored. Or crazy. I don’t know... but that’s when the Volturi step in; before it can compromise them, or the rest of us.”

“So Jake...”

“Is planning to flout that; in their own city. The very city they’ve secretly held for three thousand years, since the time of the Etruscan's. They are so protective of their city that they don’t allow hunting within its walls. Volterra is probably the safest city in the world… from vampire attack at the very least.”

“But you said they didn’t leave. How do they eat?”

“They don’t leave. They bring in their food from the outside, from quite far away sometimes. It gives their guard something to do when they’re not out annihilating mavericks. Or protecting Volterra from exposure...”

“From situations like this one... like Jake,” I finished her sentence. It was amazingly easy to say his name now. I wasn’t sure what the difference was. Maybe because I wasn’t really planning on living much longer without seeing him. Or at all, if we were too late. It was comforting to know that I would have an easy out. They wouldn’t make it painful, like Jeanine intended to; plus, I would be close to Jake. I shivered, and tried not to picture what that would mean if we were too late.

“I doubt they’ve ever had a situation quite like this,” she muttered, disgusted. “You don’t get a lot of suicidal vampires.”

The sound that escaped out of my mouth was very quiet, but Quinn seemed to understand that it was a cry of pain. She wrapped her thin, strong arm around my shoulders.

“We’ll do what we can, Taylor. It’s not over yet.”

“Not yet.” I let her comfort me, though I knew she thought our chances were poor. "And the Volturi will get me if I mess up.”

Quinn stiffened. “You say that like it’s a good thing.”

I shrugged. “Better than what Jeanine probably has in mind.”

“Knock it off, Taylor, or I’m dumping your tooshie in New York with your family and having _them_ put you on suicide watch.” She warned tightly, her eyes leaving no doubt of her convictions. “Jake will be pissed enough that I’ve brought you here, I don’t need you making things even more difficult by making me have to keep half my vision on you.”

“What?”

“You know what. If we’re too late for Jake, I’m going to do my damnedest to get you back to Scott, and I don’t want any trouble from you. Do you understand that?”

“Sure, Quinn.”

She pulled back slightly so that she could glare at me. “No trouble.”

“Scout’s honor,” I muttered.

She rolled her eyes.

“And you’ll behave once you’re back with Scott. I’ll work with those mangy mongrels, if I have to.” She said, narrowing her eyes at me. “No thinking you’ll be able to trot off into Jeanine’s waiting grasp.” She warned.

I sighed and rolled my eyes, leaning back in my seat with a petulant scowl. “I said already! Scout’s honour, okay?” I bit out sulkily.

“Good.” Quinn bit back, flashing her teeth at me playfully. “Now, let me concentrate... I need to try and see what he’s planning.”

She left her arm around me, but let her head fall back against the seat and closed her eyes. She pressed her free hand to the side of her face, rubbing her fingertips against her temple.

I watched her in fascination for a long time. Eventually, she became utterly motionless, her face like a stone sculpture. The minutes passed, and if I didn’t know better, I would have thought she’d fallen asleep. I didn’t dare interrupt her to ask what was going on.

I wished there was something safe for me to think about. I couldn’t allow myself to consider the horrors we were headed toward, or, more horrific yet, the chance that we might fail… not if I wanted to keep from screaming aloud in fury, fear and betrayal.

Stupid, promise breaking vampire.

I couldn’t anticipate anything, either. Maybe, if I were very, very, _very_ lucky, I would somehow be able to save Jake. 

But I wasn’t so stupid as to think that saving him; would mean that I could stay with him. I was no different, no more special than I had been before. There would be no new reason for him to want me now. Seeing him and losing him again...

I fought back against the pain. This was the price I had to pay to save his life. I would pay it gladly.

And it wouldn't be so bad this time. This time; I had a contingency plan. I would be able to bathe myself in false memories of his love, as I returned home to face Jeanine.

They showed a movie, and my neighbor got headphones. Sometimes I watched the figures moving across the little screen, but I couldn’t even tell if the movie was supposed to be a romance or a horror film.

After an eternity, the plane began to descend toward New York City. Quinn remained in her trance. I dithered, reaching out to touch her, only to pull my hand back again. This happened a dozen times before the plane touched town with a jarring impact.

“Quinn,” I finally said. "Quinn… we have to go.”

I touched her arm.

Her eyes came open very slowly. She shook her head from side to side for a moment.

“Anything new?” I asked in a low voice, conscious of the man listening on the other side of me.

“Not exactly,” she breathed in a voice I could barely catch. "He’s getting closer. He’s deciding how he’s going to ask.”

We had to run for our connection, but that was good… better than having to wait. As soon as the plane was in the air, Quinn closed her eyes and slid back into the same stupor as before. I waited as patiently as I could. When it was dark again, I opened the window to stare out into the flat black that was no better than the window shade.

I was grateful that I’d had so many weeks practice with controlling my thoughts. Instead of dwelling on the terrifying possibilities that, no matter what Quinn said, I did not intend to survive; one way or another, I concentrated on lesser problems. Like, what I was going to say to Scott if I got back. Would I even see him? It seemed cruel to return from my 'camping' just for him to have me stolen away from him. It was certainly a thorny enough problem to occupy several hours. And then, what about Diego? He’d promised to wait for me, but did that promise still apply; with Sean able to give him orders to counter that? 

Maybe it was just as well I didn’t want to survive, no matter what happened.

It felt like seconds later when Quinn shook my shoulder. I hadn’t realized I’d fallen asleep.

“Taylor,” she hissed, her voice a little too loud in the darkened cabin full of sleeping humans.

I wasn’t disoriented… I hadn’t been out long enough for that.

“What’s wrong?”

Quinn’s eyes gleamed in the dim light of a reading lamp in the row behind us.

“It’s not wrong.” She smiled fiercely. "It’s right. They’re deliberating, but they’ve decided to tell him no.”

“The Volturi?” I muttered, groggy.

“Of course, Taylor, keep up." She huffed in exasperation, trying to wake me up properly. "I can see what they’re going to say.”

“Tell me.”

An attendant tiptoed down the aisle to us. "Can I get either of you a pillow?” His hushed whisper was a rebuke to our comparatively loud conversation.

“No, thank you.” Quinn beamed at up at him, her smile shockingly lovely. The attendant’s expression was dazed as he turned and stumbled his way back.

“Tell me,” I breathed almost silently.

She whispered into my ear. "They’re interested in him… they think his talent could be useful. They’re going to offer him a place with them.”

“What will he say?”

“I can’t see that yet, but I’ll bet it’s colorful.” She giggled, and grinned again. "This is the first good news; the first break. They’re intrigued. They truly don’t want to destroy him… wasteful, that’s the word Everett will use; and that may be enough to force him to get creative. The longer he spends on his plans, the better for us.”

It wasn’t enough to make me hopeful, to make me feel the relief she obviously felt. There were still so many ways that we could be too late. And if I didn’t get through the walls into the Volturi city, I wouldn’t be able to stop Quinn from dragging me back home; where I'd be endangering everyone, and forced to stay alive.

“Quinn?”

“What?”

“I’m confused. How are you seeing this so clearly? And then other times, you see things far away… things that don’t happen?”

Her eyes tightened. I wondered if she guessed what I was thinking of.

“It’s clear because it’s immediate and close, and I’m really concentrating. The faraway things that come on their own… those are just glimpses, faint maybes. Plus, I see my kind more easily than yours. Jake is even easier because I’m so attuned to him.”

“You see me sometimes,” I reminded her quietly.

She shook her head. "Not as clearly.”

I sighed and turned to look out the window despondently. "I really wish you could have been right about me. In the beginning, when you first saw things about me, before we even met...” I said distantly, allowing myself this small confession; knowing that one way or another, the pain would be over soon.

“What do you mean?”

“You saw me become one of you.” I barely mouthed the words. But I knew she would hear me nonetheless.

She sighed. "It was a possibility at the time.”

“At the time,” I repeated quietly.

“Actually, Taylor...” She hesitated, and then seemed to make a choice. "Honestly, I think it’s all gotten beyond ridiculous. I’m debating whether to just change you myself.”

I turned and stared at her, frozen with shock. Instantly, my mind resisted her words. I couldn’t afford that kind of hope if she changed her mind.

“Did I scare you?” she wondered. "I thought that’s what you wanted.”

“I do!” I gasped. "Oh, Quinn, do it now! I could help you so much… and I wouldn’t slow you down." I gushed, offering her my wrist eagerly. "Bite me!”

“Shh,” she cautioned. "I don't particularly want the staff to come and tell us this isn't a peep voyeur mile high club flight." She whispered as she rolled her eyes. The attendant was looking in our direction again. "Try to be reasonable,” she scolded fondly. "We don’t have enough time. We have to get into Volterra tomorrow. You’d be writhing in pain for days.” She made a face. "And I don’t think the other passengers would react well.”

I bit my lip. "If you don’t do it now, you’ll change your mind.” I muttered, unable to believe that this promise would be kept any more than the others which a vampire had given me.

“No.” She frowned, her expression unhappy. "I don’t think I will. He’ll be furious, but what will he be able to do about it?”

My absent heart beat faster. "Nothing at all… not that it's any of his business anymore.”

She laughed quietly, and then sighed. "You have too much faith in me, Taylor. I’m not sure that I can. I’ll probably just end up killing you.”

“I’ll take my chances.” I said quickly, much preferring the idea of Quinn's accidentally killing me to the Volturi or Jeanine.

“You are so bizarre, even for a human.” Quinn huffed, shaking her head as she smiled at me fondly.

“Thanks.” I snorted, rolling my eyes in exasperation.

“Of course, this is purely hypothetical at this point, anyway…" She added lightly, her expression turning thoughtful. "First we have to live through tomorrow."

“Good point.” But at least I had something to hope for if we did. If Quinn made good on her promise; and if she didn’t kill me, then Jake could run after his distractions all he wanted… and I could follow. 

I would be strong enough then. I wouldn’t let him be distracted. Maybe, when I was beautiful and strong, he wouldn’t even want distractions anymore.

“Go back to sleep,” she encouraged me. "I’ll wake you up when there’s something new.”

“Sure,” I grumbled, certain that sleep was a lost cause now. Quinn pulled her legs up on the seat, wrapping her arms around them and leaning her forehead against her knees. She rocked back and forth as she concentrated.

I rested my head against the seat, watching her; and the next thing I knew, she was snapping the shade closed against the faint brightening in the eastern sky.

“What’s happening?” I mumbled.

“They’ve told him no,” she said quietly. I noticed at once that her enthusiasm was gone.

My voice choked in my throat with panic. "What’s he going to do?”

“It was chaotic at first. I was only getting flickers, he was changing plans so quickly.”

“What kinds of plans?” I pressed.

“There was a bad hour,” she whispered. "He’d decided to go hunting.”

She looked at me, seeing the lack of comprehension in my face.

“In the city,” she explained. "It got very close. He changed his mind at the last minute.”

“... He wouldn’t want to disappoint Mike,” I mumbled. Not at the end.

“Probably,” she agreed.

“Will there be enough time?” As I spoke, there was a shift in the cabin pressure. I could feel the plane angling downward.

“I’m hoping so… if he sticks to his latest decision, then maybe.”

“What is that?”

“He’s going to keep it simple. He’s just going to walk out into the sun.”

Just walk out into the sun. That was all.

It would be enough. The image of Jake in the meadow; glowing, shimmering like his skin was made of a million diamond facets. It was burned permanently into my memory. No human who saw that would ever forget. The Volturi couldn’t possibly allow it. Not if they wanted to keep their city inconspicuous.

I looked at the slight gray glow that shone through the opened windows. "We’ll be too late,” I whispered, my throat closing in panic. Resignation flooded me, though I made a determined effort to keep that from showing; lest Quinn turn us around and drag me back home.

She shook her head. "Right now, he’s leaning toward the melodramatic." She snorted, rolling her eyes. "He wants the biggest audience possible, so he’ll choose the main plaza, under the clock tower. The walls are high there. He’ll wait till the sun is exactly overhead.”

Stupid, gorgeous vampire. “So we have till noon?” I clarified.

“If we’re lucky. If he sticks with this decision.”

The pilot came on over the intercom, announcing, first in French, then Italien and then finally in English; our imminent landing. The seat belt lights dinged and flashed.

“How far is it from Florence to Volterra?”

“That depends on how fast you drive…" She murmured, glancing over at me and biting her lip tentatively. "Taylor?”

“Yes?”

She eyed me speculatively. "How strongly are you opposed to grand theft auto..?”

Fourteen minutes after we landed, a bright yellow Porsche screamed to a stop a few feet in front of where I paced, the word TURBO scrawled in silver cursive across its back. Everyone beside me on the crowded airport sidewalk stared.

“Hurry, Taylor!” Quinn shouted impatiently as she threw open the open passenger door.

I ran and threw myself in, feeling as though I might as well be wearing a black stocking over my head.

“Sheesh, Quinn,” I complained. "Could you pick a more conspicuous car to steal?”

The interior was black leather, and the windows were tinted dark. It felt safer inside, like nighttime.

Quinn was already weaving, too fast, through the thick airport traffic; sliding through tiny spaces between the cars as I cringed and fumbled for my seat belt. I didn't want to die before I got to stop Jake from his stupid guilt driven suicide trip.

“The important question,” she corrected, “is whether I could have stolen a faster car, and I don’t think so. I got lucky.”

“I’m sure that will be very comforting at the roadblock.”

"You're so silly…" She trilled a laugh. "Trust me. If anyone sets up a roadblock, it will be behind us.” She hit the gas then, as if to prove her point.

I probably should have watched out the window as first, the city of Florence; and then the Tuscan landscape flashed past with blurring speed. This was my first trip anywhere like this, and probably my last, too. But Quinn’s driving terrified me as much as Jake's, despite the fact that I knew I could trust her behind the wheel. And I was too tortured with anxiety to really see the hills or the walled towns that looked like castles in the distance.

“Do you see anything more?”

“There’s something going on,” Quinn muttered. "Some kind of festival. The streets are full of people and red flags. What’s the date today?”

I wasn’t entirely sure. "The fifth, maybe?”

“Well, that’s ironic. It’s Saint Silas Day.”

“Which means?”

She chuckled darkly. "The city holds a celebration every year. As the legend goes, a Christian missionary, a Father Silas; Silas of the Voltun, in fact, drove all the vampires from Volterra fifteen hundred years ago. The story claims he was martyred in Romania, still trying to drive away the vampire scourge. Of course that’s nonsense… he’s never left the city. But that’s where some of the superstitions about things like crosses and garlic come from. Father Silas used them so successfully. And vampires don’t trouble Volterra, so they must work.” Her smile was sardonic. "It’s become more of a celebration of the city, and recognition for the police force; after all, Volterra is an amazingly safe city. The police get the credit.”

I was realizing what she meant when she’d said ironic. "They’re not going to be very happy if Jake messes things up for them on St. Silas Day, are they?”

She shook her head, her expression grim. "No. They’ll act very quickly.”

I looked away, fighting against my teeth as they tried to break through the skin of my lower lip. Bleeding was not the best idea right now… but I considered the idea for a few minutes after midday. If we were too late.

The sun was terrifyingly high in the pale blue sky.

“He’s still planning on noon?” I checked.

“Yes. He’s decided to wait. And they’re waiting for him.”

“Tell me what I have to do.”

She kept her eyes on the winding road; the needle on the speedometer was touching the far right on the dial.

“You don’t have to do anything. He just has to see you before he moves into the light. And he has to see _you_ before he sees _me_.”

“How are we going to work that?”

A small red car seemed to be racing backwards as Quinn zoomed around it.

“I’m going to get you as close as possible, and then you’re going to run in the direction I point you.”

I nodded.

“Oh and try not to trip,” she added. "We don’t have time for a concussion today.”

I groaned. That would be just like me… ruin everything, destroy the world, in a single moment of klutziness.

The sun continued to climb in the sky while Quinn raced against it. It was too bright; and that had me panicking. Maybe he wouldn’t feel the need to wait for noon after all.

“There,” Quinn said abruptly, pointing to the castle city atop the closest hill.

I stared at it, feeling the very first hint of a new kind of fear. Every minute since yesterday morning; it seemed like a week ago, when Quinn had spoken his name at the foot of the stairs, there had been only one fear. And yet, now, as I stared at the ancient sienna walls and towers crowning the peak of the steep hill, I felt another, more selfish kind of dread thrill through me.

I longed to see him… and I was terrified of how I would hold it together after I had, how I would have to go my separate way.

I was no fool. I knew Jake would hear Quinn's intentions… and he would never let her change me.

He didn't want me. Not as a human; or as an immortal like him.

I stared up at the city vacantly, my eyes barely seeing it through my rapid daydreams. I'm sure the city was very beautiful to others approaching. 

It absolutely terrified me.

“Volterra,” Quinn announced in a flat, icy voice.


	20. Whole

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For joy! We got our Jaylor babies back together, but not out of the woods yet 
> 
> Hang on to your seats, (or phones/devices) cause it's about to get a whole lot intense!!
> 
> In the words of Willy Wonka, "You're going to love this, just love it."
> 
> x Our love to you all x

**Whole**

We began the steep climb, and the road grew congested. As we wound higher, the cars became too close together for Quinn to weave insanely between them anymore. We slowed to a crawl behind a little tan Fiat.

“Quinn,” I moaned. The clock on the dash seemed to be speeding up.

“It’s the only way in,” she tried soothe me. But her voice was too strained to give any kind of comfort.

The cars continued to edge forward, one car length at a time. The sun beamed down brilliantly, seeming already overhead.

The cars crept one by one toward the city. As we got closer, I could see cars parked by the side of the road with people getting out to walk the test of the way. At first I thought it was just impatience… something I could easily understand. But then we came around a switchback, and I could see the filled parking lot outside the city wall, the crowds of people walking through the gates. No one was being allowed to drive through.

“Quinn,” I whispered urgently.

“I know,” she said. Her face was chiseled from ice.

Now that I was looking; and we were crawling slowly enough to see, I could tell that it was very windy. The people crowding toward the gate gripped their hats and tugged their hair out of their faces. Their clothes billowed around them. I also noticed that the color red was everywhere. Red shirts, red hats, red flags dripping like long ribbons beside the gate, whipping in the wind; as I watched, the brilliant crimson scarf one woman had tied around her hair was caught in a sudden gust. It twisted up into the air above her, writhing like it was alive. She reached for it, jumping in the air, but it continued to flutter higher, a patch of bloody color against the dull, ancient walls.

“Taylor.” Quinn spoke quickly in a fierce, low voice. "I can’t see what the guard here will decide now; if this doesn’t work, you’re going to have to go in alone. You’re going to have to run. Just keep asking for the Palazzo dei Priori, and running in the direction they tell you. Don’t get lost.”

“Palazzo dei Priori, Palazzo dei Priori,” I repeated the name over and over again, trying to get it down.

“Or ‘the clock tower,’ if they speak English. I’ll go around and try to find a secluded spot somewhere behind the city where I can go over the wall.”

I nodded. "Palazzo dei Priori.”

“Jake will be under the clock tower, to the north of the square. There’s a narrow alleyway on the right, and he’ll be in the shadow there. You have to get his attention before he can move into the sun.”

I nodded furiously.

Quinn was near the front of the line. A man in a navy blue uniform was directing the flow of traffic, turning the cars away from the full lot. They U-turned and headed back to find a place beside the road. Then it was Quinn’s turn.

The uniformed man motioned lazily, not paying attention. Quinn accelerated, edging around him and heading for the gate. He shouted something at us, but held his ground, waving frantically to keep the next car from following our bad example.

The man at the gate wore a matching uniform. As we approached him, the throngs of tourists passed, crowding the sidewalks, staring curiously at the pushy, flashy Porsche.

The guard stepped into the middle of the street. Quinn angled the car carefully before she came to a full stop. The sun beat against my window, and she was in shadow. She swiftly reached behind the seat and grabbed something from her bag.

The guard came around the car with an irritated expression, and tapped on her window angrily.

She rolled the window down halfway, and I watched him do a double take when he saw the face behind the dark glass.

“I’m sorry, only tour buses allowed in the city today, miss,” he said in English, with a heavy accent. He was apologetic, now, as if he wished he had better news for the strikingly beautiful woman.

“It’s a private tour,” Quinn said, flashing an alluring smile. She reached her hand out of the window, into the sunlight. I froze, until I realized she was wearing an elbow-length, tan glove. She took his hand, still raised from tapping her window, and pulled it into the car. She put something into his palm, and folded his fingers around it.

His face was dazed as he retrieved his hand and stared at the thick roll of money he now held. The outside bill was a thousand dollar bill.

“Is this a joke?” he mumbled.

Quinn’s smile was blinding. "Only if you think it’s funny.”

He looked at her, his eyes staring wide. I glanced nervously at the clock on the dash. If Jake stuck to his plan, we had only five minutes left.

“I’m in a _wee_ bit of a hurry,” she hinted, still smiling.

The guard blinked twice, and then shoved the money inside his vest. He took a step away from the window and waved us on. None of the passing people seemed to notice the quiet exchange. Quinn drove into the city, and we both sighed in relief.

The street was very narrow, cobbled with the same color stones as the faded cinnamon brown buildings that darkened the street with their shade. It had the feel of an alleyway. Red flags decorated the walls, spaced only a few yards apart, flapping in the wind that whistled through the narrow lane.

It was crowded, and the foot traffic slowed our progress.

“Just a little farther,” Quinn encouraged me; I was gripping the door handle, my seat belt long since cast aside, ready to throw myself into the street as soon as she spoke the word.

She drove in quick spurts and sudden stops, and the people in the crowd shook their fists at us and said angry words that I was glad I couldn’t understand. She turned onto a little path that couldn’t have been meant for cars; shocked people had to squeeze into doorways as we scraped by. We found another street at the end. The buildings were taller here; they leaned together overhead so that no sunlight touched the pavement; the thrashing red flags on either side nearly met. The crowd was thicker here than anywhere else. Quinn stopped the car. I had the door open before we were at a standstill.

She pointed to where the street widened into a patch of bright openness. "There. We’re at the southern end of the square. Run straight across, to the right of the clock tower. I’ll find a way around...”

Her breath caught suddenly, and when she spoke again, her voice was a hiss. "They’re everywhere?”

I froze in place, but she pushed me out of the car. "Forget about them. You have two minutes. Go, Taylor, _go_!” she shouted, climbing out of the car as she spoke.

I didn’t pause to watch Quinn melt into the shadows. I didn’t stop to close my door behind me. I shoved a heavy woman out of my way and ran flat out, head down, paying little attention to anything but the uneven stones beneath my feet.

Coming out of the dark lane, I was blinded by the brilliant sunlight beating down into the principal plaza. The wind whooshed into me, flinging my hair into my eyes and blinding me further. It was no wonder that I didn’t see the wall of flesh until I’d smacked into it.

There was no pathway, no crevice between the close pressed bodies. I pushed against them furiously, fighting the hands that shoved back. I heard exclamations of irritation and even pain as I battled my way through, but none were in a language I understood. The faces were a blur of anger and surprise, surrounded by the ever-present red. A blond woman scowled at me, and the red scarf coiled around her neck looked like a gruesome wound. A child, lifted on a man’s shoulders to see over the crowd, grinned down at me, his lips distended over a set of plastic vampire fangs.

The throng jostled around me, spinning me the wrong direction. I was glad the clock was so visible, or I’d never keep my course straight. But both hands on the clock pointed up toward the pitiless sun, and, though I shoved viciously against the crowd, I knew I was too late. I wasn’t even halfway across. I wasn’t going to make it. 

I was stupid and slow and human; and we were all going to die because of it.

I hoped Quinn would get out. I hoped that she would see me from some dark shadow and know that I had failed, so she could keep her promise and go home to Kele. I partly hoped she would tell Diego for me. At least then he would be able to help Scott.

I listened, above the angry exclamations, trying to hear the sound of discovery: the gasp, maybe the scream, as Jake came into someone’s view.

But there was a break in the crowd… I could see a bubble of space ahead. I pushed urgently toward it, not realizing till I bruised my shins against the bricks that there was a wide, square fountain set into the center of the plaza.

I was nearly crying with relief as I flung my leg over the edge and ran through the knee-deep water. It sprayed all around me as I thrashed my way across the pool. Even in the sun, the wind was glacial, and the wet made the cold actually painful. But the fountain was very wide; it let me cross the center of the square and then some in mere seconds. I didn’t pause when I hit the far edge; I used the low wall as a springboard, throwing myself into the crowd.

They moved more readily for me now, avoiding the icy water that splattered from my dripping jeans as I ran. I glanced up at the clock again.

A deep, booming chime echoed through the square. It throbbed in the stones under my feet. Children cried, covering their ears. And I started screaming as I ran.

“ _Jake_!” I screamed, knowing it was useless. The crowd was too loud, and my voice was breathless with exertion. But I couldn’t stop screaming. His name was an endless chant, streaming from my lips.

The clock tolled again. I ran past a child in his mother’s arms, his hair was almost white in the dazzling sunlight. A circle of tall men, all wearing red blazers, called out warnings as I barreled through them. The clock tolled again.

On the other side of the men in blazers, there was a break in the throng, space between the sightseers who milled aimlessly around me. My eyes searched the dark narrow passage to the right of the wide square edifice under the tower. I couldn’t see the street level; there were still too many people in the way. The clock tolled again.

It was hard to see now. Without the crowd to break the wind, it whipped at my face and burned my eyes. I couldn’t be sure if that was the reason behind my tears, or if I was crying in defeat as the clock tolled again.

A little family of four stood nearest to the alley’s mouth. The two girls wore crimson dresses, with matching ribbons tying their dark hair back. The father wasn’t tall. It seemed like I could see something bright in the shadows, just over his shoulder. I hurtled toward them, trying to see past the stinging tears. The clock tolled, and the littlest girl clamped her hands over her ears.

The older girl, just waist high on her mother, hugged her mother’s leg and stared into the shadows behind them. As I watched, she tugged on her mother’s elbow and pointed toward the darkness. The clock tolled, and I was so close now.

I was close enough to hear her high-pitched voice. Her father stared at me in surprise as I bore down on them, rasping out Jake’s name over and over again.

The older girl giggled and said something to her mother, gesturing toward the shadows again impatiently.

I swerved around the father; he clutched the baby out of my way, and sprinted for the gloomy breach behind them as the clock tolled over my head.

“Jake you selfish bastard, _no_ !” I screamed, but my voice was lost in the roar of the chime. "Don't you fucking _dare!_ "

I could see him now… and I could see that he could not see me.

It was really him, no substandard hallucination this time. 

I realized then; that my delusions were more flawed than I’d realized. They’d never done him justice.

Jake stood, motionless as a statue, just a few feet from the mouth of the alley. His hair was shaggy as ever, but far less well kept; and his stubble seemed to suddenly make him seem older than it had before. His eyes were closed, the rings underneath them deep purple, his arms relaxed at his sides, his palms turned forward. His expression was very peaceful, like he was dreaming pleasant things. The marble skin of his chest was bare; there was a small pile of green and black fabric at his feet, and a pair of dog tags around his neck. I wondered vaguely when he'd got them. The light reflecting from the pavement of the square gleamed dimly from his skin and his tags.

I’d never seen anything more beautiful; even as I ran, gasping, screaming and cursing. I could appreciate that the last few months meant nothing. His words in the forest meant nothing. And it did not matter if he did not want me. I would never want anything but him, no matter how long I had left to live.

The clock tolled, and he took a large stride toward the light.

“No!” I screamed. "Jake, you gorgeous, stupid, promise breaking _bastard_ , look at me!”

He wasn’t listening. He smiled very slightly. He raised his foot to take the step that would put him directly in the path of the sun.

I slammed into him so hard that the force would have hurled me to the ground if his arms hadn’t caught me and held me up. It knocked my breath out of me and snapped my head back.

His dark eyes opened slowly as the clock tolled again.

He looked down at me with quiet surprise.

“Amazin',” he said, his exquisite voice full of wonder, slightly amused. "Mike was right.”

“Jake,” I tried to gasp, but my voice had no sound. "You’ve got to get back into the shadows. You have to move your sorry ass _away_ , Top Gun! Right fucking _now_ , asshole!”

He seemed bemused. His hand brushed softly against my cheek; and my breath caught despite myself. He didn’t appear to notice that I was trying to force him back. I could have been pushing against the alley walls for all the progress I was making. The clock tolled, but he didn’t react.

It was very strange, for I knew we were both in mortal danger. Still, in that instant; for the first time since I'd last seen him, I felt well. Whole. I could feel my heart racing in my chest, the blood pulsing hot and fast through my veins again. My lungs filled deep with the sweet scent that came off his skin. It was like there had never been any hole in my chest. I was perfect; not healed, but as if there had been no wound in the first place.

“Can’t believe how quick it was. Didn’t feel a damn thing… they’re good,” he mused grudgingly, closing his eyes again and pressing his lips against my hair. His voice was like honey and rough velvet. The clock boomed out its final chime “Ya smell just the same's always,” he went on. "So maybe this's hell after all... I don’t care. Ya here. It’ll do.”

“I’m not dead, you stupid prat!” I interrupted. "And neither are you! Please Jake, we have to move. They can’t be far away!”

I struggled in his arms, and his brow furrowed in confusion.

“What'd ya say..?” he asked slowly.

“We’re not dead, you stupid ass! Not yet! But we have to get out of here before the Volturi come for you..!”

Comprehension flickered on his face as I spoke. Before I could finish, he suddenly yanked me away from the edge of the shadows, spinning me effortlessly so that my back was tight against the brick wall; his back to me as he faced away into the alley. His arms spread wide, protectively, in front of me.

I peeked under his arm to see two dark shapes detach themselves from the gloom.

“Howdy, fellas,” Jake’s voice was calm and pleasant, on the surface. “Had a quick rethink, and I don’t think I’ll be needin’ ya services after all. Appreciate it, however, if ya’d send my thanks to ya bigwigs.”

“How about we take this chit chat outta the streets?” A too loud voice whispered menacingly.

“Don’t think ‘s gonna be necessary.” Jake’s voice was harder now. “I know ya orders, Tetra. I ain’t broken no rules.”

“Tetra merely meant to point out the proximity of the sun,” the other shadow said in a soothing tone. They were both concealed within smoky gray cloaks that reached to the ground and undulated in the wind. “Let us seek better cover.”

“Right behind ya,” Jake said dryly. “Taylor, why don’t ya go back to the square and enjoy the festival?”

“No, bring the boy,” the first shadow said, somehow injecting a leer into his whisper.

“Don’t think so, bud.” The pretense of civility disappeared. Jake’s voice was flat and icy. His weight shifted infinitesimally, and I could see that he was preparing to fight.

“No.” I growled the word far more fiercely than I’d expected to be able to.

“Shut up, Taylor.” He murmured, only for me.

“Tetra,” the second, more reasonable shadow cautioned. “Not here.” He turned to Jake. “Everett would simply like to speak with you again, if you have decided not to force our hand after all.”

“Sure thing,” Jake agreed. ‘”But _he_ goes free.”

“I’m afraid that’s not possible,” the polite shadow said regretfully. “We do have rules to obey.”

“‘Fraid I ain’t gonna be acceptin’ Rourke’s invite then, Ralston.”

“That’s just fine,” Tetra purred. My eyes were adjusting to the deep shade, and I could see that Tetra was very big, tall and thick through the shoulders. His size reminded me of Craig.

“Everett will be disappointed,” Ralston sighed.

“I’m sure he’ll survive the letdown,” Jake replied.

Tetra and Ralston stole closer toward the mouth of the alley, spreading out slightly so they could come at Jake from two sides. They meant to force him deeper into the alley, to avoid a scene. No reflected light found access to their skin; they were safe inside their cloaks.

Jake didn’t move an inch. He was dooming himself by protecting me.

“Stop!” I yelled, shoving at Jake and struggling to get past him. “Get out of my goddamn way, you big… dumb, _promise breaker!_ " I demanded, shoving at Jake's arm as hard as I could.

I might as well have been pushing at a cement wall.

" _Urgh_ !" I snarled, scowling as I dropped my arms uselessly to my sides. "You're such a bloody _hypocrite_!" I fumed, ignoring the amusement of the two newcomers.

"Taylor, this _really_ ain't the time." Jake muttered lightly, though I could feel his irritation. "Just shut the hell up, and go back in the sun now, 'kay?"

" _You_ don't get to tell me what to do anymore." I bit out thickly, narrowing my eyes at his turned back and noticing him tensing. "Maybe next time you'll bother to speak to Quinn, before you let your stupid, misplaced guilt get the better of you."

"Eh?" Jake coughed, turning towards me with a startled frown; just confused enough for me to slip past him.

"I'm ready. Jake can stay here and get dressed." I said dismissively. "It's not like he's really needed now anyway, right?"

"I like him." Ralston laughed, as Tetra leered and radiated smugness.

"Aw, for fuck sake…" Jake growled, his hand landing on my shoulder as he stepped in front of me again. "Will ya just do as ya damn well told, for once?!"

I was about to reply, Jake’s head abruptly whipped around, toward the darkness of the winding alley, and Ralston and Tetra did the same, in response to some sound or movement too subtle for my senses.

“Now, now boys… let's all play nicely, shall we?” A lilting voice suggested. "There are _ladies_ present.”

Quinn tripped lightly to Jake’s side, her stance casual. There was no hint of any underlying tension. She looked so tiny, so fragile compared to the big, thick set men opposite. Her little arms swung like a child’s. "... so where's this 'lady' then?" Jake asked, making a show of looking behind her.

Quinn rounded on him quickly, her hand striking his cheek with a resounding crack that echoed quietly in the shadows around us. "Don't _push it_ , McKenzie!" She snarled viciously.

Yet Ralston and Tetra both straightened up, their cloaks swirling slightly as a gust of wind funneled through the alley. Tetra’s face soured. Apparently, they didn’t like even numbers.

“We’re not alone,” she reminded them.

Ralston glanced over his shoulder. A few yards into the square, the little family, with the girls in their red dresses, were watching us. The mother was speaking urgently to her husband, her eyes on the five of us. She looked away when Ralston met her gaze. The man walked a few steps farther into the plaza, and tapped one of the red-blazered men on the shoulder.

Ralston shook his head. "C'mon now, Jake, let’s be reasonable,” he said.

“Sure thing,” Jake agreed. "We’ll be real reasonable and leave quiet like now, with no one the wiser.”

Ralston sighed in frustration. "At least let us discuss this more privately.”

Six men in red now joined the family as they watched us with anxious expressions. I was very conscious of Jake’s protective stance in front of me; sure that this was what caused their alarm. I wanted to scream at everyone to just stop already.

"Hmm…" Jake made a show of pretending to think for a short time, before his teeth came together in an audible snap. "Nope.”

Tetra smiled.

“Enough.”

The voice was low, earthy, and came from behind us.

I peeked under Jake’s other arm to see a dark shape coming toward us. By the way the edges billowed, I knew it would be another one of _them._ Who else?

My first thought, was that it was a young boy. The newcomer was taller than Jake however, with lank, pale blond hair. The body under the cloak; which was darker, almost tanned beneath the pale pallor, was slim and androgynous. And the face was too severe for a _young_ boy; the hint of stubble confirming his lack of youth. The wicked-eyed, full-lipped face would still make a Botticelli angel look like a gargoyle. Even allowing for the dull crimson irises.

His interest in us was so insignificant, that the reaction to his appearance confused me. Tetra and Ralston relaxed immediately, stepping back from their offensive positions to blend again with the shadows of the overhanging walls.

Jake dropped his arms and relaxed his position as well… but in defeat.

“Harley,” he sighed in recognition and resignation.

Quinn folded her arms across her chest, her expression impassive.

“Follow me,” Harley spoke again, a sadistic, childish amusement in his tone. He turned his back on us and drifted silently into the dark.

Tetra gestured for us to go first, smirking.

Quinn walked after the little Harley at once. Jake wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me along beside her. The alley angled slightly downward as it narrowed. I looked up at him with frantic questions in my eyes, but he just shook his head. I narrowed my eyes, but didn't shrug him off of me; it had been too long since I felt him touch me last. Though I couldn’t hear the others behind us, I was sure they were there.

“Well, Quinn,” Jake said conversationally as we walked. "S'pose I shouldn’t oughta be surprised, seein' ya here.”

“You're an idiot. Just as much as _he_ is." Quinn scolded in a whisper first, gesturing to me before sighing. "It was my mistake,” Quinn answered in the same conversational tone. "It was my job to set it right.”

“What happened?” His voice was calm, as if he were barely interested. I imagined this was due to the listening ears behind us.

“It’s a long story.” Quinn’s eyes flickered toward me again, and then away. "In summary, he did jump off a cliff, but he wasn’t trying to kill himself… at that point. Taylor’s all about the extreme sports these days.” She said, before her eyes swept over to meet Jake's briefly. 

I flushed and turned my eyes straight ahead, looking after the dark shadow that I could no longer see. I could imagine what he was hearing in Quinn’s thoughts now. Near-drownings, stalking vampires, werewolf friends… no doubt some flashes of my decision to give myself to Jeanine upon my return home.

“Hm,” Jake said curtly, and the casual tone of his voice was gone.

There was a loose curve to the alley, still slanting downward, so I didn’t see the squared-off dead end coming until we reached the flat, windowless, brick face. The one called Harley was nowhere to be seen.

Quinn didn’t hesitate, didn’t break pace as she strode toward the wall. Then, with easy grace, she slid down an open hole in the street.

It looked like a drain, sunk into the lowest point of the paving. I hadn’t noticed it until Quinn disappeared, but the grate was halfway pushed aside. The hole was small, and black.

I balked.

“’S alright, Taylor,” Jake said in a low voice. "Quinn'll catch ya.”

I eyed the hole doubtfully. I imagine he would have gone first, if Ralston and Tetra hadn’t been waiting, smug and silent, behind us.

I crouched down, swinging my legs into the narrow gap.

“Quinn?” I called, frowning into the darkness.

“I’m right here, Taylor,” she reassured me. Her voice came from too far below to make me feel better.

Jake took my wrists, his hands felt like stones in winter; and lowered me into the blackness.

"Hey, Handsy McKenzie!" I muttered, looking up at him with a petulant expression that made him raise a brow. I'd planned to say I didn't need his help; but the fact remained that my heart was racing at even this small touch, and I wasn't prepared to give that up again so soon. "Stupid, Top Gun." I muttered instead, lowering my eyes into the darkness.

“Ready?” Jake sighed, though I realised just before answering that he was talking to Quinn.

“Drop him,” she called back.

I looked up at him, wanting his face to be the last thing I saw; just incase. He hesitated, studying my face as I stubbornly clamped my mouth shut so I wouldn’t scream. Then Jake let me fall.

It was silent and short. The air whipped past me for just half a second; and then, with a huff as I exhaled, Quinn’s waiting arms caught me.

I was going to have bruises; her arms were very hard. She stood me upright carefully.

It was dim, but not black at the bottom. The light from the hole above provided a faint glow, reflecting wetly from the stones under my feet. The light vanished for a second, and then Jake was a faint, white radiance beside me. He immediately curled his arm around me, holding me close to his side, and began to tow me swiftly forward. I hesitated, before I wrapped both arms around his cold waist, and tripped and stumbled my way across the uneven stone surface. It would be one more memory to take with me when he left again. To get me through my imminent encounter with Jeanine… if we made it out alive. The sound of the heavy grate sliding over the drain hole behind us rang with metallic finality.

The dim light from the street was quickly lost in the gloom. The sound of my staggering footsteps echoed through the black space; it sounded very wide, but I couldn’t be sure. There were no sounds other than my lone, frantic heartbeat and my feet on the wet stones, except for once; when an impatient sigh whispered from behind me.

Jake held me tightly. He reached his free hand across his body to hold my face, too, his smooth thumb tracing across my lips. Now and then, I felt his face press into my hair. I realized that this was the only reunion we would get, regardless of the outcome; and I clutched myself closer to him. I needed this. All of it. I needed to be able to pretend again; just for a little while.

For now, it felt like he wanted me, and that was enough to offset the horror of the subterranean tunnel and the prowling vampires behind us. It was no more than guilt, I knew; the same guilt that compelled him to come here to die when he’d believed that it was his fault that I’d killed myself. But I felt his lips press silently against my forehead, and I didn’t care what the motivation was. At least I could be with him again before I died. That was better than a long life.

I wished I could ask him exactly what was going to happen now. I wanted desperately to know how we were going to die; as if that would somehow make it better, knowing in advance. But I couldn’t speak, even in a whisper, surrounded as we were. The others could hear everything; my every breath, my every heartbeat. I didn't want to voice my thoughts here, where they'd be no less private than if I shouted in a crowded room.

The path beneath our feet continued to slant downward, taking us deeper into the ground, and it made my heart flutter dangerously. The mixture of adrenaline, relief and uncertainty was a rush like I hadn't known yet. Only Jake’s hand, soothing against my face, kept me from laughing hysterically.

I couldn’t tell where the light was coming from, but it slowly turned dark gray instead of black. We were in a low, arched tunnel. Long trails of ebony moisture seeped down the gray stones, like they were bleeding ink.

I was shaking, and I assumed it was from adrenaline. It wasn’t until my teeth started to chatter together that I realized I was cold. My clothes were still wet, and the temperature underneath the city was wintry. As was Jake’s skin.

He realized this at the same time I did, and let go of me, keeping only my hand.

“N-n-no,” I chattered, throwing my arms around him. I didn’t care if I froze. Who knew how long I had left with him?

His cold hand chafed against my arm, trying to warm me with the friction.

We hurried through the tunnel, or it felt like hurrying to me. My slow progress irritated someone, I guessed Tetra; and I heard him heave a sigh now and then.

At the end of the tunnel was a grate; the iron bars were rusting, but thick as my arm. A small door made of thinner, interlaced bars was standing open. Jake ducked through and hurried on to a larger, brighter stone room. The grille slammed shut with a clang, followed by the snap of a lock. I was too awed to look behind me.

On the other side of the long room was a low, heavy wooden door. It was very thick; as I could tell because it, too, stood open.

We stepped through the door, and I glanced around me in surprise, relaxing automatically. Beside me, Jake tensed, his jaw clenched tight.


	21. Reprieve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big changes! Ahhhhh - I hope you like them!
> 
> Let me know please and thankyou <3
> 
> Hope you all enjoy the story - thankyou for reading!
> 
> x Our love to you all x  
> ✲ﾟ｡.(✿╹◡╹)ﾉ♡.｡₀:*ﾟ✲ﾟ

**Reprieve**

We were in a brightly lit, unremarkable hallway. The walls were off-white, the floor carpeted in industrial gray. Common rectangular fluorescent lights were spaced evenly along the ceiling. It was warmer here, for which I was grateful. This hall seemed very benign after the gloom of the ghoulish stone sewers.

Jake didn’t seem to agree with my assessment. He glowered darkly down the long hallway, toward the black shrouded figure at the end, standing by an elevator.

He pulled me along, and Quinn walked on my other side; like prison guards. I snickered quietly at the comparison, ignoring their brief concerned looks toward me. No doubt they thought the hysteria was taking over. 

The heavy door creaked shut behind us, and then there was the thud of a bolt sliding home.

Harley waited by the elevator, one hand holding the doors open for us. His expression was self satisfied; and there was an unsettlingly cruel gleam in his eye.

Once inside the elevator, the three vampires that belonged to the Volturi relaxed further. They threw back their cloaks, letting the hoods fall back on their shoulders. Tetra and Ralston were both of a slightly tanned complexion; it looked odd combined with their chalky pallor. Tetra’s black hair was cropped short, while Ralston had short brown curls. Their irises were deep crimson around the edges, darkening until they were black around the pupil. Under the shrouds, their clothes were modern, pale, and nondescript. I stood quietly in the corner, leaning against Jake in an attempt to absorb as much of his false love as I could while I had the chance. His hand still rubbed against my arm. He never took his eyes off Harley.

The elevator ride was short; we stepped out into what looked like a posh office reception area. The walls were paneled in wood, the floors carpeted in thick, deep green. There were no windows, but large, brightly lit paintings of the Tuscan countryside hung everywhere as replacements. Pale leather couches were arranged in cozy groupings, and the glossy tables held crystal vases full of vibrantly colored bouquets. The flowers’ smell reminded me of a funeral home.

In the middle of the room was a high, polished mahogany counter. I gawked in astonishment at the woman behind it.

She was tall, with pale skin, blonde hair and grey eyes. She would have been very pretty in any other company… but not here. Because she was every bit as human as I was. I couldn’t comprehend what this human woman was doing here, totally at ease, surrounded by vampires.

She smiled politely in welcome. “Good afternoon, Harley,” she said. There was no surprise in her face as she glanced at Harley’s company. Not Jake, his bare chest glinting dimly in the white lights, or even me, disheveled and comparatively hideous.

Harley nodded. “Nicole.” He continued toward a set of double doors in the back of the room, and we followed.

As Tetra passed the desk, he winked at Nicole, and she smiled back smugly.

On the other side of the wooden doors was a different kind of reception. The pale man in the pearl gray suit was clearly Harley’s twin. However, there was an air about him which seemed less hostile than Harley. He came forward to meet us. He smiled, reaching for him. “Harley.”

“Hayden,” he responded, embracing his twin. They kissed each other’s cheeks on both sides. Then the newcomer looked at us.

“They send you out for one and you come back with two... and a half,” he noted, looking at me. “Nice work.”

Harley laughed; the sound sparkled with delight, like a baby’s cooing.

“Welcome back, Jake,” Hayden greeted him. “You seem to be in a better mood.”

“I _was_ ,” Jake agreed in a flat voice. I glanced at Jake’s hard face, and wondered how his mood could have been darker before.

Hayden chuckled, and examined me as I stood by Jake’s side. “And this is the cause of all the trouble?” he asked, skeptical.

Jake only smiled, his expression contemptuous. Then he froze.

“Dibs,” Tetra called casually from behind.

Jake turned, a low snarl building deep in his chest. Tetra smiled, his hand was raised, palm up; he curled his fingers twice, inviting Jake forward.

“Shut _up_ .” I hissed at him, shoving at Jake’s arm as hard as I could. I might as well have been shoving the wall, for all that I moved him, but I did distract him enough that he glanced at my furious expression. “I didn’t chase you all the way to Italy, to save your stupid hide; just so you can let this _dumbass_ provoke you into a stupid fight.” I scolded, gesturing dismissively to Tetra.

“What’d you just call me, bloodbag?” Tetra demanded in outrage, as Ralston snorted and Hayden laughed openly.

“Oh, shut up.” I sighed, rolling my eyes. “You won’t do a damn thing to any of us without your master’s say so; and everyone here knows it.” I vented, annoyed at the brute for even trying to get a rise out of Jake; and more so at Jake himself, for doing exactly that. “Besides…” I added, turning my face away as Jake’s arm curled tighter around my waist. “I don’t like you.” I said, leaning into Jake’s side and ignoring the shocked vampire's spluttering.

“Y-you…” Tetra fumed, his large hands crashing together loudly as he recovered himself. “Oh, I’m gonna enjoy making you pay.” He drawled, narrowing his eyes at me speculatively when I glanced back.

Jake tensed, another growl beginning in his throat; though he thankfully fell silent again, when Quinn touched his arm. “Patience,” she cautioned him.

They exchanged a long glance, and I wished I could hear what she was telling him. I figured that it was something similar to my own scolding; about not attacking Tetra, because Jake took a deep breath and turned back to Hayden.

“Everett will be very pleased to see you again,” Hayden said, as if nothing had passed.

“Let’s not keep him waiting,” Harley suggested.

Jake nodded once.

Hayden and Harley, holding hands, led the way down yet another wide, ornate hall… would there ever be an end?

They ignored the doors at the end of the hall; doors entirely sheathed in gold, stopping halfway down the hall and sliding aside a piece of paneling to expose a plain wooden door. It wasn’t locked. Hayden held it open for Harley.

I heaved a frustrated groan when Jake pulled me through to the other side of the door. It was the same ancient stone as the square, the alley, and the sewers. And it was dark and cold again.

The vampires all chuckled at my behaviour; like I was a particularly amusing pet.

The stone antechamber was not large. It opened quickly into a brighter, cavernous room, perfectly round like a huge castle turret... which, I realised abruptly, was probably exactly what it was.

Two stories up, long window slits threw thin rectangles of bright sunlight onto the stone floor below. There were no artificial lights. The only furniture in the room were several massive wooden chairs, like thrones, that were spaced unevenly, flush with the curving stone walls. A single long table ran along the side of the room. A prop, of course, laden with cutlery and plates and tall goblets. I wondered why they bothered. 

In the very center of the circle, in a slight depression, was another drain. I wondered if they used it as an exit, like the hole in the street.

The room was not empty. A handful of people were convened in seemingly relaxed conversation. The murmur of low, smooth voices was a gentle hum in the air. As I watched, a pair of pale women in summer dresses paused in a patch of light, and, like prisms, their skin threw the light in rainbow sparkles against the sienna walls.

The exquisite faces all turned toward our party as we entered the room. Most of the immortals were dressed in inconspicuous pants and shirts; things that wouldn’t stick out at all on the streets below. But the man who spoke first wore one of the long robes. It was pitch-black, and brushed against the floor. One look at his short, tawny brown hair; and I was ninety percent certain I knew who he was.

“Harley, dear boy, you’ve returned!” he cried in evident delight. His voice was just a soft sigh.

He drifted forward, and the movement flowed with such surreal grace that I gawked, my mouth hanging open. Even Quinn, whose every motion looked like dancing, could not compare.

I was only more astonished as he floated closer and I could see his face. It was not like the unnaturally attractive faces that surrounded him; for he did not approach us alone, the entire group converged around him, some following and some walking ahead of him with the alert manner of bodyguards. I couldn’t decide if his face was beautiful or not. I suppose the features were perfect. But he was as different from the vampires beside him; as they were from me. His skin was translucently white, like onion-skin, and it looked just as delicate. It stood in shocking contrast to the short, light brown hair that was carefully styled atop his head. I felt a strange, ridiculous urge to touch his cheek, to see if it was softer than Jake’s or Quinn’s, or if it was powdery, like chalk. His eyes were red, the same as the others all around him, but the color was clouded, milky; I wondered if his vision was affected by the haze.

He glided to Harley, took his shoulders in his papery hands and squeezed gleefully, before he then floated back a step.

“Yes, Master.” Harley smiled; the expression made him look like an angelic child, so different from the cruel eyed man he'd been on the long walk here. “I brought him back alive... just as you wished.”

“Ah, Harley.” He smiled, too. “You are such a comfort to me.”

He turned his misty eyes toward us, and the smile brightened… became ecstatic.

“And Quinn and Taylor, too!” he rejoiced, clapping his thin hands together. “This is a fascinating turn of events! What a surprise!” He laughed. “Ah, yes… simply marvelous!”

I stared in shock as he called our names informally, as if we were old friends dropping in for an unexpected visit.

He turned to our hulking escort. “Tetra, be a good sport and tell my brothers about our company. I’m sure they wouldn’t want to miss this.”

“Yes, Master.” Tetra nodded and disappeared back the way we had come.

“You see, Jake?” The strange vampire turned and smiled at Jake like a fond but scolding grandfather. "What did I tell you? Aren’t you glad that I didn’t give you what you wanted yesterday?” He asked, even going so far as to wag his finger at Jake in playful admonishment.

“Yeah… sure, Rourke,” he agreed, tightening his arm around my waist.

“I love a happy ending.” Everett sighed. "They are so rare. But I want the whole story. How did this happen? Quinn?” He turned to gaze at Quinn with curious, misty eyes. "Your brother seemed to think you infallible, but apparently there was some mistake.”

“Oh, I’m far from infallible.” She flashed a dazzling smile. She looked perfectly at ease, except that her hands were balled into tight little fists. "As you can see today, I cause problems as often as I cure them.”

“You’re too modest,” Everett chided. "I’ve seen some of your more amazing exploits, and I must admit I’ve never observed anything like your talent. Wonderful!”

Quinn flickered a glance at Jake. Everett did not miss it.

“I’m sorry, we haven’t been introduced properly at all, have we? It’s just that I feel like I know you already, and I tend get ahead of myself. Your brother introduced us yesterday, in a peculiar way. You see, I share some of your brother’s talent, only I am limited in a way that he is not.” Everett shook his head; his tone was envious.

“But don't forget, ya way more powerful,” Jake added dryly. He looked at Quinn as he swiftly explained. "Rourke needs physical contact to hear ya thoughts, but he hears more'n I do. Ya know I can only hear what’s passin' through ya head in the moment. _He_ hears every thought ya mind's ever had.”

Quinn raised her delicate eyebrows, and Jake inclined his head.

Everett didn’t miss that either.

“But to be able to hear from a distance...” Everett sighed, gesturing toward the two of them, and the exchange that had just taken place. "That would be so convenient.”

Everett looked over our shoulders. All the other heads turned in the same direction, including Harley, Hayden, and Ralston, who stood silently beside us.

I was the slowest to turn. Tetra was back, and behind him floated two more black-robed men. Both looked very much like Everett, one even had similarly short grey hair. The other had a shock of brown hair touched by grey; almost the same shade as his face, that brushed against his shoulders. Their faces had identical, paper-thin skin.

The trio from Mike’s painting was complete, unchanged by the last three hundred years since it was painted.

“Silas, Rowan, look!” Everett crooned. "Taylor is alive after all, and dear Quinn is here with him! Isn’t that wonderful?”

Neither of the other two looked as if wonderful would be their first choice of words. The brown haired man seemed utterly bored, like he’d seen too many millennia of Everett’s enthusiasm. The other’s face was sour and cold under the snowy hair.

Their lack of interest did not curb Everett’s enjoyment.

“Let us have the story,” Everett almost sang in his feathery voice.

The grey haired ancient vampire drifted away, gliding toward one of the wooden thrones. The other paused beside Everett, and he reached his hand out, at first I thought to take Everett’s hand. But he just touched Everett’s palm briefly and then dropped his hand to his side. Everett raised one perfectly sculpted brow. I wondered how his papery skin did not crumple in the effort.

Jake snorted very quietly, and Quinn looked at him, curious.

“Thank you, Silas,” Everett said. "That’s quite interesting.”

I realized, a second late, that Silas was letting Everett know his thoughts.

Silas didn’t look interested. He looked very much the opposite of interested.

He glided away from Everett to join the one who must be Rowan, seated against the wall. Two of the attending vampires followed silently behind him; bodyguards, like I’d thought before. I could see that the two women in the sundresses had gone to stand beside Rowan in the same manner. The idea of any vampire needing a guard was faintly ridiculous to me, but maybe the ancient ones were as frail as their skin suggested.

Rourke was shaking his head. "Fascinating,”‘ he said. "Absolutely fascinating.”

Quinn’s expression was frustrated. Jake turned to her and explained again in a swift, low voice. "Silas sees relationships. He’s surprised by the intensity of ours.”

I thought back to Quinn's explanation on the plane, about how their family were viewed as something of an oddity among vampires; able to build relationships of love. I hoped Everett's fascination at their bond would spare them.

Everett smiled. "So convenient,” he repeated to himself. Then he spoke to us. "It takes quite a bit to surprise Silas, I can assure you.”

I looked at Silas’s dead face, and I believed that.

“It’s just so difficult to understand, even now,” Everett mused, staring at Jake’s arm wrapped around me. It was hard for me to follow Everett’s chaotic train of thought. I struggled to keep up. "How can you stand so close to him like that?”

I blinked, frowning in confusion as I glanced at Quinn; foolishly double checking she was still definitely a _her._ If I was to assume that she hadn't neglected to mention a sudden change in personal pronouns; then the only conclusion was that Everett was talking about _me_ and _my_ relationship with Jake.

But I didn't have a relationship with Jake anymore. I frowned and peeked at Jake as he replied.

“Ain't without effort,” Jake answered calmly.

“But still… la tua cantante! What a waste!”

Jake chuckled once without humor. "I see it more of a price.”

Everett was skeptical. "A very high price.”

“Opportunity cost.”

Everett laughed. "If I hadn’t smelled him through your memories, I wouldn’t have believed the call of anyone’s blood could be so strong. I’ve never felt anything like it myself. Most of us would trade much for such a gift, and yet you...”

“Waste it,” Jake finished, his voice sarcastic now.

Everett laughed again. "Ah, how I miss my friend Michael! You remind me of him… only he was not so angry.”

“Mike outshines me in a lotta other ways'n all.”

“I certainly never thought to see Michael bested for self-control of all things… but you put him to shame.”

“Bullshit.” Jake sighed impatiently. As if he were tired of the preliminaries. It made me concerned; I couldn’t help but try to imagine what he expected would follow.

“I am gratified by his success,” Everett mused. "Your memories of him are quite a gift for me, though they astonish me exceedingly. I am surprised by how it... pleases me, his success in this unorthodox path he’s chosen. I expected that he would waste, weaken with time. I scoffed at his plan to find others who would share his peculiar vision. Yet, somehow, I’m happy to be wrong.”

Jake didn’t reply.

“But _your_ restraint!” Everett sighed. "I did not know such strength was possible. To inure yourself against such a siren call, not just once but again and again… if I had not felt it myself, I would not have believed.”

Jake gazed back at Everett's admiration with no expression. I knew his face well enough; time had not changed that, to guess at something seething beneath the surface. I fought to keep my breathing even.

“Just remembering how he appeals to you...” Everett chuckled. "It makes me thirsty.”

Jake tensed. I tensed. I was pretty sure even Quinn tensed.

We were all very tense.

“Don’t be disturbed,” Everett reassured him. "I mean him no harm. But I am so curious… about _one_ thing in particular.” He eyed me with bright interest. "May I?” he asked eagerly of Jake, lifting one hand.

“Ask him.” Jake suggested in a flat voice.

“Of course, how rude of me!” Everett exclaimed. "Taylor,” he addressed me directly now. "I’m fascinated that you are the one exception to Jake’s impressive talent… so very interesting that such a thing should occur! And I was wondering, since our talents are similar in many ways, would you permit me to try… to see if you are an exception for me, as well?”

I raised a brow at the ancient vampire. Despite Everett's overt politeness, it was clear that I didn't really have any choice in the matter. I was kind of creeped out at the thought of having him touch me, but yet I was also perversely intrigued by the chance to feel his weird, papery skin.

Jake nodded in encouragement beside me, though this only served to annoy me. As if it were down to him to give permission; after everything he'd done, after all the _promises he broke._ I didn't care whether it was because he was sure Rourke wouldn't hurt me, or because he too knew there was no choice, I was still pissed.

I slid out of Jake's hold and turned to Everett, calmly raising my hand in front of me. I was proud when I saw it was miraculously steady.

He glided closer, and I believe he meant his expression to be reassuring. But his papery features were too strange, too alien and eager, to reassure. The look on his face was more confident than his words had been.

Everett reached out, as if to shake my hand, and pressed his insubstantial-looking skin against mine. It was hard, but felt brittle, shale rather than granite; and even colder than I expected.

His filmy crimson eyes smiled down at mine, and it was impossible to look away. They were mesmerizing in an odd way. But unlike staring into Jake's eyes, the experience was far less enjoyable.

Everett’s face altered as I watched. The confidence wavered and became first doubt, then incredulity before he calmed it into a friendly mask.

“So very interesting,” he said thoughtfully, as he released my hand and drifted back.

My eyes flickered questioningly back to Jake; and, though his face was composed, I thought he seemed a little smug.

Everett continued to drift with a thoughtful expression. He was quiet for a moment, his eyes flickering between the three of us. Then, abruptly, he shook his head.

“A first,” he said to himself “I wonder if he is immune to our other talents... Harley, my boy?”

“No!” Jake snarled the word. Quinn grabbed his arm with a restraining hand. He shook her off.

Harley smiled up at Everett happily. "Yes, Master?”

Jake was fully snarling now, the sound ripping and tearing from him, glaring at Everett with hard, baleful eyes. The room had gone still, everyone watching him with amazed disbelief, as if he were committing some embarrassing social faux pas. I saw Tetra grin hopefully and move a step forward. Everett glanced at him once, and he froze in place, his grin turning to a sulky expression.

Then he spoke to Harley. "I was wondering, my boy, if Taylor was also immune to _you_.”

I could barely hear Everett over Jake’s furious growls. He stepped in front of me, moving to hide me from their view. Rowan ghosted in our direction, with his entourage, to watch.

Harley turned toward us with a sadistic smile.

“Don’t!” Quinn cried as Jake launched himself at the blond man.

Before I could react, before anyone could jump between them, before Everett’s bodyguards could tense, Jake was on the ground.

No one had touched him, but he was on the stone floor writhing in obvious agony, while I stared in horror.

Harley was smiling only at him now, and it all clicked together. What Quinn had said about formidable gifts, why everyone treated Harley with such deference; and why Jake had thrown himself in his path before he could do that to me.

“ _Stop_ !” I yelled, my voice echoing in the silence, jumping forward to put myself between them. " _Stop it! Just… leave him alone!"_ But Quinn threw her arms around me in an unbreakable grasp and ignored my struggles. No sound escaped Jake’s lips as he cringed against the stones. It felt like my head would explode from the pain of watching this. Or my heart.

I wasn't sure I cared which.

“Harley,” Everett recalled him in a tranquil voice. He looked up quickly, still smiling with sadistic pleasure, his eyes questioning. As soon as Harley looked away, Jake was still.

Everett inclined his head toward me.

Harley turned his sickening, sadistic smile in my direction.

I didn’t even meet his gaze. I watched Jake from the prison of Quinn’s arms, still struggling pointlessly.

“He’s fine,” Quinn whispered in a tight voice.

As she spoke, he sat up; and then sprang lightly to his feet. His eyes met mine, and they were horror-struck. At first I thought the horror was for what he had just suffered. But then he looked quickly at Harley, and back to me; and his face relaxed into relief.

I looked at Harley, too, and he no longer smiled. He glared at me, his jaw clenched with the intensity of his focus. I scowled back, and thrust my tongue out at him petulantly.

Nothing happened.

I smirked.

Jake was by my side again. He touched Quinn’s arm, and she surrendered me to him; though I shoved at his arm briefly, turning my scowl towards him and narrowing my eyes in warning.

Everett started to laugh. "Oh, this is marvelous,” he chuckled. "This is simply _fascinating!”_

Harley hissed in frustration, leaning forward like he was preparing to spring.

“Don’t be put out, dear boy,” Everett said in a comforting tone, placing a powder-light hand on his shoulder. "He confounds us all.”

Harley’s upper lip curled back ever his teeth as he continued to glare at me.

“Oh my,” Everett chortled again. "You’re very brave, Jake, to endure in silence. I asked Harley to do that to me once; just out of curiosity.” He shook his head in admiration.

Jake glared, disgusted.

“So what do we do with you now?” Everett sighed.

Jake and Quinn stiffened. This was the part they’d been waiting for. I began to tremble.

“I don’t suppose there’s any chance that you’ve changed your mind?” Everett asked Jake hopefully. "Your talent would be an excellent addition to our little company.”

Jake hesitated. From the corner of my eye, I saw both Tetra and Harley grimace.

Jake seemed to weigh each word before he spoke it. "I _ain't_ interested.”

“Quinn?” Everett asked, still hopeful. "Would you perhaps be interested in joining with us?”

“No, thank you,” Quinn said.

“And _you_ , Taylor?” Everett raised his eyebrows.

Jake hissed, low in my ears. I stared at Everett blankly. Was he joking? Or was he just asking me if I wanted to stay for dinner? As the main course, of course. Or maybe just the hors d'oeuvre. I was pretty small after all.

It was the silver haired Rowan who broke the silence.

“What?” he demanded of Everett; his voice, though no more than a whisper, was flat.

“Rowan, surely you see the potential,” Everett chided him affectionately. "I haven’t seen a prospective talent so promising since we found Harley and Hayden. Can you imagine the possibilities when he is one of us?”

Rowan looked away with a caustic expression. Harley’s eyes sparked with indignation at the comparison.

Jake fumed beside me. I could hear a rumble in his chest, building toward a growl. I couldn’t let his temper get him hurt.

“Yours… is not the family I'd hoped to join.” I spoke in a quiet voice, but I knew everyone would hear me. "I appreciate the offer, but if I'm not wanted there, I don't want to be here… and remember that for an eternity."

I felt Jake flinch beside me.

Everett sighed. "That’s unfortunate. Such a waste.”

Jake hissed. "Join or die, that it? I figured as much when we were brought to _this_ room. So much for ya damn laws.”

The tone of his voice surprised me. He sounded irate, but there was something deliberate about his delivery; as if he’d chosen his words with great care.

“Of course not.” Everett blinked, astonished. "We were already convened here, Jake, awaiting Cecile’s return. Not for you.”

“Everett,” Rowan hissed. "The law claims them.”

Jake glared at Rowan. "How d'ya figure?” He demanded. He must have known what Rowan was thinking, but he seemed determined to make him speak it aloud.

Rowan pointed a skeletal finger at me. _"He_ knows too much. You have exposed our secrets.” His voice was papery thin, just like his skin.

“There's more'n a few humans in on ya charade here, as well,” Jake reminded him, and I thought of the pretty receptionist below.

Rowan’s face twisted into a new expression. I wasn't sure, but I figured it was supposed to be a smile. “Yes,” he agreed. "But when they are no longer useful to us, they will serve to sustain us. That is not your plan for this one. If he betrays our secrets, are you prepared to destroy him? I think not,” he scoffed.

“I—” I began, but Rowan silenced me with an icy look. I grit my teeth and narrowed my eyes at him, determined not to be cowed by the ancient vampire. "I haven't, nor ever would; tell a soul about anything I've seen. I'll take it to my grave." I said quickly, choosing not to add that I would be walking to that grave as soon as I got back to Cedar Cove.

Jake growled beside me, his arm tightening around me. I allowed myself the small lie of his love.

"Therefore,” Rowan continued as if I hadn't spoken, glaring at me furiously. "He is a vulnerability. Though it is true, for this, only _his_ life is forfeit. _You_ may leave if you wish.”

The room was silent as Rowan's words lingered in the air. They were strangely calming to me.

I took a deep, shuddering breath; and attempted to shrug out of Jake's hold. "You heard the wrinkly old vampire." I said, turning toward him when he held onto me in an iron grip. "If this is the price to save two people I love, I'll pay it. I'd do the same for Scott, Jordan, Julia, Diego… anyone I love."

"Taylor, _shut up_." Jake hissed, his expression dark and furious as he flashed a glare in my direction.

"Why?" I asked, frowning at his reaction. What did it matter anymore? Here, in Cedar Cove; it wasn't like it made a difference to me. "What's it matter?" I wondered, genuinely confused as to why he was so angry. "You can go off back to your distractions. It's fine." I said, shaking my head as he flinched again. Despite telling myself not to, I couldn't help but hesitantly reach up to brush my fingertips across his stubbled cheek briefly. "Just… don't feel guilty. About anything. Okay?" I lowered my hand quickly. The small touch was enough for me. 

My touch seemed to startle him. I slipped free of his hold, and stepped forward.

Jake bared his teeth and moved to follow, but Quinn prevented him. I blinked in surprise, quickly turning away to hide the shock on my face. I hadn't expected her to take my decision without a fight after her earlier warnings. But perhaps she had seen how this would end; and was merely respecting my wishes to keep Jake alive.

“At least the buffet knows it's place.” Rowan sneered, with something akin to pleasure.

Tetra leaned forward, eager.

Everett sighed wistfully, shaking his head as he eyed me speculatively for a half second longer. “Such a pity.” He murmured quietly, his hands meeting with a soft clap as I held his gaze a heartbeat longer. “Tetra.”

Everything happened very quickly then.

One second I was facing Everett and his falsely sympathetic gaze, then in the time it took me to blink; I’d been spun around to face the other end of the hall. My eyes widened as Hayden smiled apologetically, and I realised he’d been the one to move me. The blond stepped aside, as Tetra slowly marched forward; cracking his beefy knuckles and grinning maliciously. I clenched my hand, savouring the warm tingle of my brief touch to Jake’s cheek; and held my breath in anticipation.

A furious roar echoed through the chamber; and then my hostage breath exploded from my lungs with a rush of adrenaline, when I abruptly twirled head over heels and blinked, finding myself staring at Everett once more. A rapid succession of loud noises sounded behind me, and I frowned as I turned as quickly as I could; though I was still too slow to see much of what was happening.

I glimpsed Quinn moving toward me, a streaking blur with a blaze of fiery red hair. Ralston caught her around the throat before she made it within ten paces of me, but didn’t seem to be hurting her; so I continued to turn towards the confusing sounds behind me.

My eyes widened and my throat constricted, refusing to draw air from the room as I witnessed Jake pin the hulking Tetra to the ground. My head shook infinitesimally without thought, as a snarl ripped from Tetra; the brute using his excessive force to throw Jake off of him and into the air. Before Jake had sailed even a half a foot, Tetra was waiting, his hand around Jake’s throat as he slammed him into the floor hard enough to crack the stone tiles; leaving it marred by a spider web of cracks.

I gasped, taking half a step closer in concern; my heart hammering in my chest as I watched Jake struggle furiously, before slowly falling still. I watched him urgently, even as Tetra rose and turned toward me with his smug grin. I watched Jake’s eyes slowly open, relaxing once I knew he was okay; and lifted my eyes to Tetra as he walked towards me.

I blinked; and then Jake was there behind him. Another strange barrage of odd noises rang out, and I realised with alarm that it was the sound of them colliding as they fought. Jake was amazing; his stubbled, gorgeous face twisted with fury and concentration as he and Tetra fought viciously. His eyes blazed a bright golden as his hands flew at unnatural speeds; too fast for my pathetic, human eyes to follow past a faint blur of motion. My breath quickened as I watched them trade blows which would have instantly killed a human, Jake’s aggression only fueling his attacks as he moved faster with every split second that passed. 

The pair whirled through the chamber, smashing the floor as they slammed each other down in the hopes of pinning one another. Rowan moved closer to watch, his lips twitching into a satisfied smirk as he watched Tetra briefly lift Jake off his feet, before Jake threw himself backwards and tugged the brute after him; using his added weight and momentum to his advantage to roll clear and regain the upper hand.

I was forced to scramble out of the way, my hip bumping into the strange, table prop. I glanced down to see my fingers resting over a steak knife handle, but I was too horrified of the thought of Jake fighting; trying to protect me again, because I was weak, frail.

_Human._

My fingers curled around the handle as I watched Jake throw Tetra over his shoulder with a snarl, slamming his back into the ground and gripping his neck with both hands. A loud cracking rippled through the room, and I watched as Rowan's eyes narrowed, his expression thunderous as he stared at Jake's turned back. I could practically see the thoughts in his head.

Without thinking, without considering the consequences of my actions; my feet began moving forward, the world seemed to slow around me. I heard Quinn gasp; but it felt like only the blink of an eye before I found myself before Rowan, planting my feet firmly as he blinked in surprise.

I'm not sure if it was shock or disbelief which prevented him from reaching out to stop me, but my hand rose as fast and strongly as I could manage; and the next time I blinked I was staggering back a step, as Rowan roared in disbelieving fury. 

The steak knife was protruding from his left eye.

Jake was suddenly before me, crouching protectively and snarling as Rowan moved towards me, but a second later Tetra followed. The brute grabbed Jake by the throat with both, beefy hands and shoved him to his knees; tipping his head back to an unnatural angle.

" _Stop_!" 

All the air in the room suddenly tasted stale, inadequate for my uneven gasping. I noticed faces turning towards me, but my eyes were locked onto Jake; my heart clashing loudly against my ribs.

" _Leave him alone, please!_ "

I realised quite abruptly, and with no small amount of surprise, that it was my voice filling the chamber. My desperate screams caused Everett to raise a hand in Tetra's direction curiously.

"Please… don't—" I choked, swallowing back my cloying fear and looking at the ancient vampire imploringly. "Kill _me_ !" I pleaded, shaking my head desperately. "Not him… please. _Please_ ." I heaved a shuddering gasp, stepping forward as I trembled; terrified at the thought of a world without Jake in it. "Let them go, please… I'll stay. I'll die, pay whatever price… just don't hurt him anymore. Let them go. _Please._ "

"Everett!" Rowan snarled, his hand covering his injured eye as he flung the steak knife across the room in his fury. "This bloodbag _dared_ to—"

"Do something, no vampire ever has." Everett finished thoughtfully, his crimson eyes locked onto me as he hummed in bemusement and shook his head. "Surely now you see the potential Taylor would show, as an immortal, hmm?" He mused, glancing at Rowan as the vampire growled and lowered his hand, revealing the bloodied socket where his eye used to be. “How… fascinating.” Everett murmured, stepping slowly toward me, circling me as I turned my eyes to Jake; watching fearfully as Tetra dragged him to his feet and turned him to face me. “Remarkable. To not only touch a vampire, without fear; but to attack, as a mortal... and manage to injure one, in the only way they can’t recover.”

I frowned, only half listening as I examined Jake desperately, needing to know before my life ended that it had been worth it. That he wasn’t hurt.

“You, a human…” Everett continued, as I blinked and glanced towards him distractedly. Why was he talking so much? Didn’t he know I was trying to spend my last moments looking at Jake? “You would give up your life… for one of us?” He asked, completing his circle of me and following my gaze as my eyes flit back to Jake. “A vampire.”

Jake snarled quietly at the word, his eyes darting to Everett as the ancient vampire’s lips twitched into a brief grin which was almost too quick for me to catch. I realised he was reading the older vampires thoughts; and he was not impressed by whatever he found there.

“A _soulless…”_ Everett drawled, turning back to me with a strange intensity in his crimson eyes. _“Monster?”_

Jake snarled viciously, scowling at Everett as the man pointedly ignored him, clearly smug over something private between them.

“Ya don’t get the hell away from him,” Jake rasped through Tetra’s grip; his eyes flashing ferociously as he glared a hole through Everett. “I’m gonna rip the head offa ya pet here, then I’m gonna come for _yours.”_ He promised darkly.

“Shut _up_ , Jake!” I scolded, narrowing my eyes at him, before looking back at Everett. “He’s all talk. Quinn will make sure he doesn’t do a damn thing. I promise you—”

“Shut the hell up, Taylor!” Jake roared, turning his frustrated growl towards me. “Stop promisin’ shit ya know damn well ain’t gonna happen!” He growled, straining against Tetra’s grip. “Ya don’t quit makin’ everythin’ worse; and _I_ promise, ya gonna wish—”

“Lucky for me, you’ve _never_ kept a promise you made me.” I said quietly, though the words were as good as a slap to Jake’s face with a sledgehammer. His eyes flashed with guilt and remorse, his face crumpling; though I quickly looked away before I could determine the emotion behind it.

“Ah, ha ha… how simply marvelous!” Everett laughed giddily, like a drunken child. “Look at this _fearless_ little puppy, running among the soulless monsters.” He taunted, flashing Jake another smug look as he recovered his previous scowl and resumed his struggling.

The reused, though synonymous, word sparked an irrational response in me. What was supposed to make me feel embarrassed, or fearful; instead pissed me the hell off.

“You don’t know a goddamn thing about his soul.” I barked, narrowing my eyes as Everett laughed at my reaction gleefully. “That belongs to _me,_ so you can just go ahead and fu—”

“You think a mere mortal like _you_ has power over an immortal’s… questionable soul?” Everett interrupted, his laughter disappearing as he tilted his head curiously.

“Dumbass came here to die because of me, didn’t he?” I challenged, tipping my chin in Jake's direction. Everett paused, considering. "That should be enough proof for you." I sneered, grimacing as I looked away; focusing again on Jake as Everett glided closer. As the vampire's fingers ghosted my throat, I refused to look away from Jake; refused to miss any of my final seconds with him. I couldn't help the thrill of fear which caused me to shiver. "I love you." I murmured under my breath, my heart racing as Everett leaned closer to me. "It was all real for me." I knew he would hear.

I didn't want to close my eyes; didn't want to lose sight of him before the end. A loud bang caused me to jump and blink in surprise however, as Everett leaned away from me abruptly; his fingers hovering lightly on my shoulders. My eyes reopened to watch as a vampire sailed through the air across the large room, the doors we'd entered through cracked and hanging open from their hinges. I gasped, watching a lone figure stride confidently through the broken doors; their expression furious behind their warm smile.

"So sorry, the door was locked and this fello was rather rude..." They said brightly, as the airborne vampire crashed into the wall with an ear-splitting crack. "I can't abide rudeness, you know." The lone figure came to a halt a short distance away from where we were gathered before the thrones. "I would ask that you unhand my family now, please. It's rather rude of _you_ to be so rough with them."

I stared in disbelief, blinking as Everett gestured distractedly to Tetra and Ralston.

"Oh… Taylor too, if you don't mind terribly." The newcomer said brightly, a musical laugh filling the room. "After all, he's family too… and we wouldn't want his mistreatment to get back to an _old friend_ now, would we?" They teased, though the threat behind their words were clear.

Everett stared a moment longer, before he dropped his hand from my shoulder and stepped forward with a delighted laugh. A heartbeat later, arms enveloped me against a bare chest which I would have known anywhere. I was too shocked by the new appearance to be mad anymore. My heart ached at the familiar, beautiful face.

“Grace…” I murmured, my eyes watering as she flashed her eyes toward me with an accompanying smile, before gently shushing me.

"I must say, this is quite the honour!" Everett laughed, clapping his hands together as he shook his head. "I am simply delighted to make your acquaintance at last, my dear." Everett smiled and extended his hand, before pausing as he looked up and saw another figure approaching through the doorway. 

"I do hope you've been suitably entertained." The second newcomer drawled as they approached at a languid pace. "I met this charming creature in the lobby and thought I'd invite her in with me, I didn't realise you had company already. Forgive me, father."

I blinked in surprise at the title, my eyes wide as I stared at the palest vampire I'd come across yet. His hair was a stark, snowy white and his crimson eyes made a startlingly vivid contrast to his otherwise almost colourless complexion. He was almost as tall as Diego, I noticed distantly, as he swept forward and deftly took Everett's outstretched hand; seeming to pointedly slide himself between Grace and his father.

"Aleister." Everett said distractedly, frowning as he slid his fingers free of Aleister's, his son's expression darkening quickly. "What a… surprise, to see you here." He said slowly, clearing his throat.

"Indeed." Aleister replied tightly, his expression cold and formidable as I glanced between him and his father. "Perhaps if you'd bother to invest in some basic human technology, I could have called… to give you time to prepare, of course." He said, his eyes sliding past his father to the two women behind the thrones. "Mother. Aunt Iris." He said stiffly, inclining his head infinitesimally to each of them.

"Aleister," one of them beamed at him, darting forward to embrace him; while the other remained stoic behind the thrones. "It's so good to see you again. How did you fare in England?" She asked, ignoring Everett's clear disapproval.

"The threat was dealt with." Aleister replied dismissively, though his expression softened slightly as he briefly embraced the woman in return. "It is good to see you too, Aunt Iris." He said quietly, before sighing and gesturing her gently to return to her previous station.

Iris frowned but reluctantly did as she was bid, returning to the thrones and her stoic twin; Aleister's mother, I presumed. How strange that she not welcome back her son, when her sister did.

"Well, yes… good to see you, my boy." Everett said, though I sensed it was anything but in his eyes. "However, we were just—"

"Just about to release my family to me." Grace interjected, smiling sweetly as Everett blinked in surprise. "So that I may take them home." She added helpfully, rocking on the balls of her feet.

"Ah, well I'm afraid there is just one tiny problem there, my dear." Everett said, his expression falling into a careful mask of grief as he gestured to Rowan and Silas. "The council has decided that Taylor is a… vulnerability." He explained carefully, seeming hesitant in a way which made me frown. Why would he be concerned with the reaction of one small vampire? "Your uh, siblings however are free to—"

"Everett Aleister Rourke the first, I _demand_ you release my family to me this instant; Taylorence Lee _included!"_ Grace’s usually kind voice echoed through the chamber, the walls shuddering faintly as the small, dark vampire scowled at Everett, who gazed around in awe.

" _Fascinating_." He murmured, before looking over at Aleister peevishly. "Am I to assume that you have a hand in this?" He asked quietly, his frustration clear as Aleister spread his palms innocently.

“I might have amplified a dormant power ever so slightly.” Aleister said blithely, as he walked slowly towards me. His eyes peered down at me with a great deal of interest, though he continued to talk back at his father without interruption. “Curious, that this one should prove impervious to so many… I wonder.” Aleister’s eyes flicked up to Jake behind me for a split second, before returning to me again as if nothing had happened. He extended his hand to me, and after only a heartbeat’s pause to consider, I laid my hand gently in his.

 _Do not react._ Aleister’s voice rang out in my head like a bell, as I blinked mutely and stared into his intent crimson gaze. _Excellent, you’re capable of understanding basic subterfuge._ Aleister’s voice was touched by surprise, and I had to fight to keep my expression neutral. _I only have a moment, but if you want to get everyone you love out of here alive; you’re going to do exactly as I say. Now, I need you to look at my father and make it clear you’ve not heard a thing. Don’t try to reply, I won’t hear you._

I frowned, looking over towards Everett, who seemed to relax at my blatant confusion. _Excellent. Now, let’s see if we can get you all out of this mess, shall we?_ Aleister’s hand left mine abruptly, his expression baffled as he turned away and scratched his chin thoughtfully. “So fascinating…” he mused as he slowly moved back across the room. “I’d gamble that he would make a quite remarkable immortal.” He said lightly, shaking his head as he approached Quinn and hesitated, before extending his hand to her. “My apologies, forgive me. It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance, miss…” he said distractedly.

Quinn glanced in my direction, though I quickly realised she was looking at Jake. She then accepted Aleister’s hand and smiled when he touched a polite kiss to the back of he knuckles. “Enchanté,” he murmured as he released her, before continuing on his way back to his father; offering his hand to the man briefly.

Everett frowned as he touched Aleister’s hand for the briefest of pauses, before his expression cleared into one of eager yearning; his eyes flitting to Quinn eagerly.

“Well, do pardon my interruption father.” Aleister drawled, waving his hand dismissively as he stalked past and came to stand beside his aunt behind the thrones. “I’m sure you’re eager to get this over with, as Cecile will be here momentarily.”

“Harm a member of my family and you’ll be alienating one of your oldest friends.” Grace warned in a voice which was unusually dark and threatening, devoid of her normal warmth and kindness. “Mike is a great ally; but he’s a formidable foe… you know this already, I’m sure.” She said coldly, her eyes briefly glowing a rich, butterscotch gold.

“Fascinating…” Everett murmured again, before seeming to shake himself from his reverie with a hint of his previous regret. “But I’m afraid, that we don’t allow humans to know; outside of our personal enclave, as Michael well knows from his time here.” He said, extending his hand to point in my direction. “I’m afraid that as a human, young Taylor cannot be permitted to leave.”

Grace hissed, as Jake’s arms drew me back to his side, tucking me safely against his side as I noticed him tensing; preparing to launch at the first sign of somebody approaching.

“Unless...” Everett said thoughtfully, looking unhappy with the way the situation had evolved. "Unless you _do_ intend to give him immortality?”

Jake pursed his lips, hesitating for a moment before he answered. "And if I did?”

Everett smiled; happy again. "Why, then you would be free to go home with the wonderful Grace here; and give my regards to my good friend Michael.” His expression turned more hesitant. "But I’m afraid you _would_ have to mean it.”

Everett raised his hand in front of him.

Rowan, who had begun to scowl furiously, relaxed.

Jake’s lips tightened into a fierce line. He looked down and stared into my eyes. I stared back pleadingly.

“Mean it,” I whispered. " _Please_.”

Was it really such a loathsome idea? To spend eternity with me? Would he really rather die than change me? I felt like I’d been kicked in the stomach.

Jake stared down at me with a tortured expression.

And then Quinn stepped away from us, forward toward Everett. We turned to watch her. Her hand was raised like his.

She didn’t say anything, and Everett waved off his anxious guard as they moved to block her approach. Everett met her halfway, and took her hand with an eager, covetous glint in his eyes.

He bent his head over their touching hands, his eyes closing as he concentrated. Quinn was motionless, her face blank. I heard Jake’s teeth snap together.

No one moved. Everett seemed frozen over Quinn’s hand. The seconds passed and I grew more and more stressed, wondering how much time would pass before it was too much time. Before it meant something was wrong...more wrong than it already was.

Another agonizing moment passed, and then Everett’s voice broke the silence.

“Ha, ha, ha,” he laughed, his head still bent forward. He looked up slowly, his eyes bright with excitement. “That was fascinating!”

Quinn smiled dryly. “I’m glad you enjoyed it.”

“To see the things you’ve seen… especially the ones that haven’t happened yet!” He shook his head in wonder.

“But that will,” she reminded him, voice calm.

“Yes, yes, it’s quite determined. Certainly there’s no problem.”

Rowan looked bitterly disappointed; a feeling he seemed to share with Tetra and Harley.

“Everett,” Rowan complained.

“Dear Rowan,” Everett smiled. “Do not fret. Think of the possibilities! They do not join us today; but we can always hope for the future. Imagine the joy young Quinn alone would bring to our little household... Besides, I’m so terribly curious to see how Taylor turns out!”

Everett seemed convinced. Did he not realize how subjective Quinn’s visions were? That she could make up her mind to transform me today, and then change it tomorrow? A million tiny decisions, her decisions and so many others, too. Jake’s for instance.

He alone could alter her path; and with that, the future.

And would it really matter that Quinn was willing, would it make any difference if I did become a vampire, when the idea was so repulsive to Jake? If death was, to him, a better alternative than having me around forever; as an immortal annoyance? Confused as I was, I felt myself sinking down into depression, drowning in it...

“Then we're free to get outta here now?” Jake asked in an even voice.

“Yes, yes,” Everett said pleasantly. “But please visit again. It’s been absolutely enthralling!”

“And we will visit you as well,” Rowan promised, his eyes suddenly half-closed like the heavy-lidded gaze of a lizard. “To be sure that you follow through on your side. Were I you, I would not delay too long. We do not offer second chances.”

Jake’s jaw clenched tight, but he nodded once.

Rowan smirked and drifted back to where Silas still sat, unmoving and uninterested.

“Perhaps, to lighten poor Rowan’s concerns, we should send an… escort?” Aleister’s voice rang out from the back of the thrones, his idle pose seeming like it should be on a magazine cover. “Someone to observe, to see that the promise is kept?” He suggested.

“A wise thought, my boy.” Everett mused, his expression calculating as he eyed us briefly, before turning to his son with a groan. “Very well. Aleister, you will escort this charming family home; and remain with them, until their end of our little bargain has been upheld.”

“You wish _me_ to play babysitter?” Aleister scoffed derisively, scowling at his father in outrage. “I have only just returned—”

“Which is perfect!” Everett interrupted, clapping his hands together with a smug grin. “You’re already packed and ready to go.” He added, gesturing for Aleister to join us.

The albino vampire glowered at his father, but followed his order; stalking over to where Quinn and Grace had joined Jake and myself; the four of them seeming to form a shield between me and the volturi elders.

Tetra groaned.

“Ah, Tetra.” Everett smiled, amused. "Cecile will be here at any moment. Patience.”

“Hmm.” Aleister’s voice had a new edge to it. “In that case, perhaps we had best leave sooner, rather than later.” He sighed, looking towards his aunt briefly with a small, regretful smile. “Apologies, Aunt Iris. Mother.” He said, already turning away.

“Yes,” Everett agreed. “That’s a good idea, my boy. Accidents do happen, after all. Please wait below until after dark, though, if you don’t mind.”

“Fine,” Jake agreed roughly, while I sighed at the thought of waiting out the day before we could escape.

“And here,” Everett added, motioning to Tetra with one finger. Tetra came forward at once, and Everett unfastened the gray cloak the huge vampire wore, pulling from his shoulders. He tossed it to Jake. “Take this. You’re a little conspicuous.”

Jake put the long cloak on, leaving the hood down.

Everett sighed. “It suits you.”

“We’ll agree to disagree, Daddy Weirdbucks.” Jake chuckled quietly, but broke off suddenly, glancing over his shoulder. “We’ll wait below.”

“Goodbye, young friends,” Everett said, his eyes bright as he stared in the same direction.

“Let’s move,” Jake said, urgent now.

Aleister gestured that we should follow, and then set off the way we’d come in with Grace at his side, the only exit by the look of things.

Jake pulled me swiftly along beside him. Quinn was close by my other side, her face hard.

“Not fast enough,” she muttered.

I looked up at her, confused, but she only seemed chagrined. It was then that I first heard the babble of voices; loud, rough voices, coming from the antechamber.

“Well this is unusual,” a man’s coarse voice boomed.

“So medieval,” an unpleasantly shrill, female voice gushed back.

A large crowd was coming through the little door, filling the smaller stone chamber. Aleister motioned for us to make room. We pressed back against the cold wall to let them pass.

The couple in front, Americans from the sound of them, glanced around themselves with appraising eyes.

“Welcome, guests! Welcome to Volterra!” I could hear Everett sing from the big turret room.

The rest of them, maybe forty or more, filed in after the couple. Some studied the setting like tourists. A few even snapped pictures. Others looked confused, as if the story that had led them to this room was not making sense anymore. I noticed one small, dark woman in particular. Around her neck was a rosary, and she gripped the cross tightly in one hand. She walked more slowly than the others, touching someone now and then and asking a question in an unfamiliar language. No one seemed to understand her, and her voice grew more panicked.

Jake pulled my face against his chest, but it was too late. I already understood.

As soon as the smallest break appeared, Jake pushed me quickly toward the door. I could feel the horrified expression on my face, and the tears beginning to pool in my eyes. The ornate golden hallway was quiet, empty except for one gorgeous, statuesque woman. She stared at us curiously, me in particular.

“Cecile,” Aleister greeted her stiffly.

Cecile smiled absently. She reminded me of Zahra, though they looked nothing alike; it was just that her beauty, too, was exceptional, unforgettable. I couldn’t seem to look away.

She was dressed to emphasize that beauty. Her amazingly long legs, darkened with tights, were exposed by the shortest of miniskirts. Her top was long-sleeved and high-necked, but extremely close-fitting, and constructed of red vinyl. Her long mahogany hair was lustrous, and her eyes were the strangest shade of violet...a color that might result from blue-tinted contacts over red irises.

“Aleister,” she responded in a silky voice, her eyes flickering between my face and Jake’s gray cloak. “I didn’t know you were back.”

“Fleeting visit,” Aleister replied dismissively, his aura unfriendly as he glowered at her.

Cecile faltered briefly, before she ducked through the door with one last curious look at me.

“Pick him up and run.” Aleister hissed as soon as there was a gap. “ _Now._ ”

Jake did as Aleister ordered… but we still couldn’t get through the ornate door at the end of the hallway before the screaming started.


	22. Sleepless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hands up who's still here? Who's enjoying??
> 
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> 
> x Our love to you all x

**Sleepless**

Aleister led us to the cheerfully opulent reception area, where the woman Nicole was still at her post behind the polished counter. Bright, harmless music tinkled from hidden speakers.

“We must not leave until dark,” he murmured, glancing to me.

Jake nodded, and Aleister took a tactful step away.

Nicole did not seem at all surprised by the exchange, though she did eye Jake’s borrowed cloak with shrewd speculation.

“Hey… Boy Scout? Y'all right?” Jake asked under his breath, to low for the human woman to hear. His voice was rough; if velvet can be rough, with anxiety. Still stressed by our situation, I imagined; and the near miss his family had miraculously survived.

“You’d better make him sit before he falls,” Grace said gently. "He’s going to pieces.”

It was only then that I realize I was shaking, shaking hard, my entire frame vibrating until my teeth chattered and the room around me seemed to wobble and blur in my eyes. For one wild second, I wondered if this was how Diego felt just before exploding into a werewolf.

I heard a sound that didn’t make sense, a strange, ripping counterpart to the otherwise cheery background music. Distracted by the shaking, I couldn’t tell where it was coming from.

“Shh, Taylor, shh,” Jake said as he pulled me to the sofa farthest away from the curious human at the desk.

“I think he’s having hysterics. Maybe you should slap him,” Quinn suggested with an innocent giggle.

Jake threw a frantic glance at her.

"Quinn, behave... you're not helping." Grace scolded gently, guiding her to join Aleister and leave me in Jake's hands.

Then I understood. The noise was me. The ripping sound was the sobs coming from my chest. That’s what was shaking me.

How mortifying.

“’S alright, ya safe… ’s alright,” he chanted again and again. He pulled me onto his lap and tucked the thick wool cloak around me, protecting me from his cold skin.

I knew it was stupid to react like this. Who knew how much time I had to look at his glorious, scruffy, stupid face? He was saved, his family was saved; and I was saved… and he could leave me as soon as we were free. To have my eyes so full of tears that I could not see his features clearly was wasteful. It was insanity.

But, behind my eyes where the tears could not wash the image away, I could still see the panicked face of the tiny woman with the rosary.

“All those people,” I sobbed.

“I know,” he whispered.

“It’s so horrible.”

“Yeah, it is." Jake said, his voice tight with some emotion he refused to say aloud. "I wish... ya hadn’t had to see that.”

I rested my forehead against his cold chest, using the thick cloak to wipe my eyes. I took a few deep breaths, trying to calm myself.

“Is there anything I can get you?” a voice asked politely. It was Nicole, leaning over Jake’s shoulder with a look that was concerned; yet still professional and detached at the same time. It didn’t seem to bother her that her face was inches from a hostile vampire. She was either totally oblivious, or very good at her job.

“I seriously doubt it,” Jake answered coldly.

She nodded, smiled at me, and then disappeared.

I waited until she was out of hearing range. "Does she know what’s going on here?” I demanded, my voice low and hoarse. I was getting control of myself, my breathing evening out.

“Yeah. She knows everythin',” Jake confirmed quietly.

“Does she know they’re going to kill her someday?”

“She knows there's a chance, yeah,” he said.

That surprised me.

Jake’s face was hard to read. "She’s hopin' they decide to keep her 'round.”

I felt the blood leave my face. "She wants to be one of _them_?”

He nodded once, his eyes sharp on my face, watching my reaction.

I shuddered. "How can she want that?” I whispered, more to myself than really looking for an answer. "How can she watch those terrified people file through to that hideous room; know what's going to happen… and want to be a part of that?”

Jake didn’t answer. His expression twisted in response to something I’d said.

As I stared at his too beautiful face, trying to understand the change, it suddenly struck me that I was really here, in Jake’s arms, however fleetingly, and that we were not; at this exact moment, about to be killed. 

I'd done it.

I'd saved him.

And soon, I'd have to say goodbye.

But not yet.

“Jake,” I murmured; my fingers cautiously brushing his stubble before I moved them behind my back. Then I was sobbing again. It was such a stupid reaction. The tears were too thick for me to see his face again, and that was inexcusable. I only had until sunset for sure. Like a fairy tale again, with deadlines that ended the magic.

“What is it? Ya alright?” he asked, still anxious, rubbing my back with gentle pats.

I hesitated; and then I tentatively wrapped my arms around his neck. What was the worst he could do? Just push me away… so I hugged myself closer to him until that time came. "Is it really sick for me to be happy right now?” I asked. My voice broke twice.

He didn’t push me away.

He pulled me tight against his ice-hard chest, so tight it was hard to breathe, even with my lungs securely intact; as they were for the first time side he'd left. "Heh, know exactly what ya mean,” he whispered. "But we got lotsa reasons to be happy. Bein' alive, for starters.”

“Yes,” I agreed. It was good he was alive… I didn't want to spoil the mood by mentioning how that wouldn't be the case for myself much longer. "That’s a good one.”

“And together,” he breathed. His breath was so sweet it made my head swim.

I just nodded, sure that he did not place the same weight on that consideration as I did.

“And, with a ‘lil luck, we’ll still be alive tomorrow.”

“Mhmm,” I said uneasily, shifting my weight as my stomach dropped. Why did I feel so guilty lying to him about my odds of survival?

“The outlook is quite good,” Quinn assured us, though I was careful to hide my panic at her pronouncement. Surely they wouldn't wait around to see me home safely? I tried to control myself, but I couldn’t help but glance at her, quickly looking away again when I found her eyes were on me.

The others had been so quiet, I’d almost forgotten their presence.

"I’ll see Kele in less than twenty-four hours,” she added in a satisfied tone.

Lucky Quinn. She could trust her future.

I couldn’t keep my eyes off of Jake’s face for long. I stared at him, wishing more than anything that the future would never happen. That this moment would last forever, or, if it couldn’t, that I would stop existing when it did.

I was oddly comforted by the fact that I planned to.

Jake stared right back at me, his dark eyes soft, and it was easy to pretend that he felt the same way. So that’s what I did. I pretended, to make the moment sweeter.

His fingertips traced the circles under my eyes. "Ya look tired.”

“And _you_ look thirsty,” I whispered back, studying the purple bruises under his black irises. I didn't dare touch him so freely, though I revelled in his own touches.

He shrugged. "'S nothin'.”

“Are you sure? I could... sit with Quinn or Grace,” I offered, unwilling. I’d rather he killed me now than move one inch from where I was.

“Don’t be a dumbass.” He sighed; his sweet breath caressed my face. "Ain't ever been in better control of _that_ side of my nature'n right now.”

I had a million questions for him. One of them bubbled to my lips now, but I bit my tongue. I didn’t want to ruin the moment, as imperfect as it was; here in this room that made me sick, under the eyes of the would-be monster.

Here in his arms, it was so easy to fantasize that he wanted me. I didn’t want to think about his motivations now; about whether he acted this way to keep me calm while we were still in danger, or if he just felt guilty for where we were and relieved that he wasn’t responsible for my death. Maybe the time apart had been enough that I didn’t bore him for the moment. But it didn’t matter. I was so much happier pretending.

I lay quiet in his arms, re-memorizing his face, pretending...

He stared at my face like he was doing the same, while Grace and Quinn discussed how to get home with Aleister. Their voices were so quick and low that I knew Nicole couldn’t understand. I missed half of it myself. It sounded like more theft would be involved, though. I wondered idly if the yellow Porsche had made it back to its owner yet.

“What was all that talk about singers?” Quinn asked of Jake at one point.

“La tua cantante,” Jake said. His rough drawl made the words into music.

“Yes, that,” Quinn said, and I concentrated for a moment. I’d wondered about that, too, at the time.

I felt Jake shrug around me. "They got a name for someone who smells the way Taylor does to me. They call him my singer… 'cause his blood sings for me.”

Quinn laughed, while Grace hummed thoughtfully. I saw her eyes cut toward Aleister more than once; his own eyes sliding her way when he thought nobody was looking, his expression thunderous and embarrassed whenever he realised he'd been caught.

“What the hell’re ya doin’ here anyway, Brain Trust?” Jake asked Grace curiously. “I thought ya’ll were visitin’ with Raj and co…” He said, his own eyes flitting to Aleister briefly, before moving quickly to Quinn as she smirked.

“Grace was being a naughty giiirl…” Quinn giggled teasingly, laughing openly when Grace hissed and swatted her knee.

“I was not!” She whispered viciously, glancing at Aleister again before looking over at Jake. “I was… invited to an intricate study of an old library.” She said evasively, refusing to say anything more about her reasons or whereabouts. I cut my eyes toward Aleister and noticed he was particularly stiff. 

Not bad looking for an old library, I thought, snickering quietly before turning back to Grace as she continued.

“Naturally, when I heard what you were up to, I decided to come and intervene.” She said dismissively, throwing Jake a withering scowl. “I certainly hope you’ve got all your idiocy out of your system.” She added, peering at Jake through narrowed eyes.

 _“Ahem,”_ Jake wisely chose not to take the bait, instead clearing his throat as he tipped his chin towards her curiously. “So… got a dormant power, huh?” He asked, his head tilting briefly as he examined her. Listening to her thoughts, I realised abruptly.

“That was pretty amazing, Grace…” I added quietly, peeking at her shyly as I selfishly absorbed as much of Jake into myself as I could before our inevitable parting. “You were like mother nature herself… they were all scared of you, even I could see that.”

“Oh, hush…” Grace scolded softly, though her lips were curved into a shy, gentle smile. If she were able to, I was sure she would be blushing. “It’s not really something I have control of. I can’t tell you much about it. I never knew about it… before…” She trailed off, glancing at Aleister as she bit her lip, before lowering her eyes to her lap.

I looked over at Aleister, maintaining a polite distance from us but glancing over surreptitiously from time to time. I sighed as I leaned against Jake for a moment, before shifting my weight to straddle his lap, my arms looped around his neck as I looked over at the pale vampire curiously; pretending not to notice Jake’s hands dropping to my hips.

If I was going to die a virgin; I was going to take this memory as damn close to something sexual as I could, and take it with me when I went to meet my end.

“So… you said before, you amplified it?” I asked tentatively, uncertain of his feelings on interacting with food. “Is that _your_ ability? Waking up those which haven’t fully surfaced in others?”

Aleister looked over in surprise, his crimson eyes dragging over the curious faces turned towards him; though Jake’s face remained locked on me. I felt myself grow warm, but pretended not to notice as I maintained my politely curious expression.

“That’s a part of what I can do, yes.” Aleister finally conceded, hesitating, before walking over to stand slightly closer; though I noticed he still kept a reasonable distance from me.

I remembered his father’s words in that awful room; _accidents do happen._ I shivered, pushing the memory of that awful place as far from my mind as I could.

“My ability is somewhat a combination of both Jacob’s; and my father’s.” He explained stiffly, still seeming awkward and hesitant in his surprise at being involved in the conversation; and without any sign of hostility or fear. “I can hear someone’s thoughts, or project my own; but I must be touching the subject.” He said, inclining his head slightly towards me. “Of course, that would not work on _you_.” He added slightly louder, his lip curving slightly as his eyes gleamed; and I realised his statement was for Nicole’s benefit.

“But then…” I lowered my voice, licking my lips as I frowned at him in concern, leaning slightly closer to Jake and ignoring his sigh of frustration. If he didn’t push me away; I wasn’t about to stop. “When you touched your father… wouldn’t he—”

"Please, witholding my thoughts from my father is a skill , but hardly an ability." Aleister snorted derisively, cocking his head as he glanced around. “Of course, the other side of what I can do,” Aleister continued in a lower voice himself, interrupting my question. “Is to amplify a subject’s ability… for instance; I could touch Jacob, and give him the ability to hear the entirety of Rome, if I wished to. Although,” he chuckled quietly. “I do not believe he would thank me for it, if I did.”

I frowned, glancing at Jake, who appeared severely distracted from the conversation, as his fingers curled into my waist and his eyes remained lowered; hidden by a curtain of his shaggy hair. “‘S like openin’ a sluice to a lake." He murmured distractedly. "Ya lettin' a shitload more water in, but there ain't nowhere else for it to go; and ya can't get outta 's way." He said, followed by a quiet sigh as his fingers tightened their hold on me slightly.

"So… that wouldn't be a good thing?" I clarified, my thoughts sluggish as I tried to control my heartbeat, which wanted to flutter and race beneath Jake's confounding attention. I did not particularly wish to reveal the effect he still had on me, amid these four vampires.

"Imagine there were a soft babble of noise, always in your life, say… the thoughts of the immediate people around you; and then maybe the vague hum of anyone within the same building as you." Aleister said slowly, thoughtfully. "You would grow accustomed to that level of sound and continue on with your life. If that were amplified to say, every voice in the country…" he trailed off, and I shivered as I hugged myself closer to Jake, sensing the horror of such a situation. 

"So… Grace has the ability to project her voice?" I asked, shifting the subject slightly as I bit my lip, draping myself over Jake's shoulder as his fingers tentatively swiped over the flesh just beneath the hem of my t-shirt, my heart jumping slightly as my body warmed dizzyingly quickly.

"Indeed." Aleister nodded, clearly impressed by my deduction. "In time, with practice, I have no doubt she'd be a highly formidable opponent; capable of bringing down entire cities with but a whisper." He explained.

"Not that I would ever want to!" Grace quickly interjected, glancing around us all worriedly.

I laughed at her expression, but my breath then caught suddenly, my heart leaping frantically into my throat as Jake's nose ghosted along my collarbone, his breath soft against my flesh as he sighed softly. I bit my lip hard, refusing to allow any embarrassing sounds escape me; though my efforts were essentially pointless when surrounded by vampires who could hear my ridiculous heartbeat.

"So, is that what you were doing, Grace..?" I said, proud of myself when my voice sounded relatively steady. Small miracles, I supposed. "Learning how to use your ability?"

"Yes, its been rather fascinating, I must say…" Grace confessed, her eyes sparkling with excitement as she began to talk about her new found skill. I leaned my head on Jake's shoulder again, concentrating on keeping my breathing under control at the very least; seeing as my traitorous heart was apparently a lost cause. "It's very hard to concentrate sometimes and I'm still not entirely sure how to… _find_ that voice." She admitted.

"Does it help to be in the uh… _old library_?" I asked, grinning when Grace glanced over at Aleister quickly in guilty surprise. "Thought it might." I snickered, biting my lip when Jake laughed quietly, his breath ghosting across my throat as his hand curled further around my waist.

"Oh yes, that _definitely_ helps." Quinn giggled, biting her lip when Grace turned towards her with a betrayed pout. "Did you know the building was declared unsafe today? Something about the foundations having weakened somehow..." she added innocently, squealing with musical laughter when Grace scowled at her and jabbed her finger across Quinn's ribs playfully.

I buried my face in Jake's neck, inhaling deeply and relaxing fully for the first time since we had left the awful room where we had faced the Volturi. As I relaxed however, Jake seemed to tense, his hands on my waist slowly easing me away from him. He huffed when I breathed a whimper in his ear, locking my arms briefly as he snorted with apparent amusement.

"Behave already, would ya?" He murmured in my ear, low enough that I was sure even the other three couldn't hear him. "I might be better at controllin' _that_ part o' me, but ya pushin' ya luck and my questionable self control just a little further'n I can handle here, Boy Scout…" he breathed, as my already hectic pulse threatened to fail entirely.

Quinn giggled loudly, I wasn't sure if it was at my reaction or to provide some cover for my stupid, erratic pulse. Jake smirked lopsidedly, only causing my heart to race faster, as he carefully but firmly unlocked my arms from around his shoulders and rearranged me on his lap; sitting me sideways but allowing me to still lean against his shoulder.

It was hard and not so comfortable as my previous seating arrangement; but it was still the best damn seat I ever had.

I was tired enough to sleep, which I suspected was Jake's plan, but I fought against the weariness. I wasn’t going to miss a second of whatever limited time I had with him. Now and then, as he talked with the other three vampires, he would lean down suddenly and kiss me. His glass-smooth lips brushing against my hair, my forehead, the tip of my nose. Each time it was like an electric shock to my long dormant heart. The sound of its beating seemed to fill the entire room.

It was heaven; right smack in the middle of hell.

I lost track of the time completely. So when Jake’s arms tightened around me, and he looked to the back of the room with his siblings, their eyes were wary; and I tensed in natural reaction to their discomfort. I draped myself over Jake’s chest and shoulder as Hayden; his eyes now a vivid ruby, though he himself still spotless in his light gray suit, despite the afternoon meal, walked through the double doors.

It was good news.

“You’re free to leave now,” Hayden told us, his tone so warm you’d think we were all lifelong friends. "They ask that you don’t linger in the city.”

Jake made no answering pretence; his voice was ice cold. "Ain't gonna be a problem, pal.”

Hayden smiled, nodded and turned, before glancing back at me. "I'm… pleased you lived, Taylor. I hope to see you again one day. To see you all again." He said awkwardly, meeting Grace, Quinn and Jake's dark eyes curiously. "Aleister… good luck." He added warmly.

"I'm sure I could persuade my father I need another to accompany me… if you'd wish." Aleister offered quietly.

Hayden met Aleister's gaze a long time, before he sighed and shook his head sadly. "This is your path, friend. Mine... remains with my brother." He said reluctantly, looking at Aleister wistfully. "I wish you luck. It will be, difficult, I'm sure. Be well." He said, before he turned and quickly disappeared again.

“We need to follow the right hallway around the corner to the first set of elevators,” Aleister told us with a sigh, as Jake helped me to my feet. "The lobby is two floors down, and exits to the street. Let us be on our way… to pastures new and green.” He added, nodding toward Nicole briefly as he swept ahead of us elegantly.

Quinn shot her a dark look, while Grace ignored her entirely.

I was relieved that there was another way out; I wasn’t sure if I could handle another tour through the underground.

We left through a tastefully luxurious lobby. I was the only one who glanced back at the medieval castle that housed the elaborate business facade. I couldn’t see the turret from here, for which I was grateful.

The party was still in full swing in the streets. The street lamps were just coming on as we walked swiftly through the narrow, cobbled lanes. The sky was a dull, fading gray overhead, but the buildings crowded the streets so closely that it felt darker.

The party was darker, too. Jake’s long, trailing cloak did not stand out in the way it might have on a normal evening in Volterra. There were others in black satin cloaks now, and the plastic fangs I’d seen on the child in the square today seemed to be very popular with the adults.

“Dumbasses,” Jake muttered once.

I didn’t notice when the others disappeared from around me. I looked over to ask a question, and they were gone.

“Where’s Quinn?” I whispered curiously.

“Went to retrieve ya bags from where she stashed ‘em this mornin’.”

I’d forgotten that I had access to a toothbrush. It brightened my outlook considerably.

“Where’s Grace?” I looked around, but I couldn’t see any sign of either of their familiar, beautiful faces.

“Grabbin’ her shit and callin’ Mike,” he said, grimacing as he anticipated his best friends no doubt colourful language about the situation. “He’ll book us flights and meet us at the airport after landin’.”

“Hmm.” I tried not to dwell on that time frame, wishing it would never come and our plane would become stuck in a time loop or something. Anything to stay with him. I cleared my throat an peeked up at him suspiciously. “She’s stealing a car, too, isn’t she?” I guessed.

“Grace ain’t ever stole a thing in her life.” He snorted, as he broke into my favourite crooked grin. “That’s what Aleister’s doin’.”

I couldn’t help but laugh at that.

It seemed like a very long way to the entryway. Jake could see that I was spent; he wound his arm around my waist and supported most of my weight as we walked.

I shuddered as he pulled me through the dark stone archway. The huge, ancient portcullis above was like a cage door, threatening to drop on us, to lock us in.

He led me toward a dark car, waiting in a pool of shadow to the right of the gate with the engine running. To my surprise, he slid into the backseat with me, instead of insisting on driving.

Aleister was apologetic. “I’m sorry.” He gestured vaguely toward the dashboard as Quinn and Grace reappeared, Quinn slipping in the back while Grace rode shotgun. “There wasn’t much to choose from.”

“’S fine.” He grinned. “Can’t all be nine eleven Turbos, right Red?” He teased, as I snickered.

She sighed. “I may have to acquire one of those legally... It was _fabulous_.”

“I’ll get ya one for ya birthday,” Jake promised.

Quinn turned to beam at him, as Aleister began speeding down the dark and curvy hillside at the same time.

Vampires and their need for speed, I thought with a wry grin.

“Yellow,” she told him.

Jake kept me tight in his arms. Inside the gray cloak, I was warm and comfortable. More than comfortable.

“Ya can sleep now, Taylor,” he murmured. “’S over.”

I knew he meant the danger, the nightmare in the ancient city, but I still had to swallow hard before I could answer.

“I don’t want to sleep. I’m not tired.” Just the second part was a lie. I wasn’t about to close my eyes. The car was only dimly lit by the dashboard controls, but it was enough that I could see his face.

He pressed his lips to the hollow under my ear; I could feel the subtle curve of his grin. “Try,” he encouraged.

I shook my head.

He sighed. “Ya still just as bloody stubborn.”

I was stubborn; I fought with my heavy lids, and I won.

The dark road was the hardest part; the bright lights at the airport in Florence made it easier, as did the chance to brush my teeth and change into clean clothes; Quinn bought Jake new clothes, too, and he left the dark cloak on a pile of trash in an alley. The plane trip to Rome was so short that there wasn’t really a chance for the fatigue to drag me under. I knew the flight from Rome to Atlanta would be another matter entirely, so I asked the flight attendant if she had any Rockstar energy drinks.

“Taylor,” Jake said disapprovingly. He hated those things; but I stuck my tongue out, and he remained silent when I then chugged my drink down.

Quinn was behind us. I could hear her murmuring to Kele on the phone. Grace and Aleister were sat in front, their heads inclined slightly as they spoke too low for my weak, human ears to hear.

“I don’t want to sleep,” I reminded him. I gave him an excuse that was believable because it was true. “If I close my eyes now, I’ll see things I don’t want to see. I’ll have nightmares.”

He didn’t argue with me after that.

What he didn’t know couldn’t hurt him, right? What did it matter if I had jetlag or was overwhelmed by fatigue when I went to meet Jeanine? Hell, maybe it would help me block out whatever she had planned; so I could bury myself in my new memories of being so close to Jake.

It would have been a very good time to talk, to get the answers I needed… needed but not really wanted; I was already despairing at the thought of what I might hear. We had an uninterrupted block of time ahead of us, and he couldn’t escape me on an airplane; well, not easily, at least. No one would hear us except three other vampires; it was late, and most of the passengers were turning off lights and asking for pillows in muted voices. Talk would help me fight off the exhaustion.

But, perversely, I bit my tongue against the flood of questions. My reasoning was probably flawed by exhaustion, but I hoped that by postponing the discussion, I could buy a few more hours with him at some later time. Spin this out for another night, not avoid but at least postpone my imminent death.

So I kept drinking my energy drink, and resisting even the urge to blink. Jake seemed perfectly content to hold me in his arms, his fingers tracing my face again and again. I didn’t quite dare to touch his face in return. I knew it wouldn’t exactly matter, considering I wouldn’t live long after he left the second time… but I wasn’t sure he would appreciate my selfish needs. He continued to kiss my hair, my forehead, my wrists... but never my lips; and that was good. After all, how many ways can one heart be mangled and still be expected to keep beating? I’d lived through a lot that should have finished me in the last few days, but it didn’t make me feel strong. Instead, I felt horribly fragile, like one word could shatter me.

I suspected the fact that I was endlessly moving toward my own demise was making me somewhat unbalanced.

Jake didn’t speak. Maybe he was hoping I would sleep. Maybe he just had nothing to say.

I won the fight against my heavy lids. I was awake when we reached the airport in Atlanta, and I even watched the sun beginning to rise over Seattle’s cloud cover before Jake slid the window shut. I was proud of myself. I hadn’t missed one minute.

Neither Quinn nor Jake was surprised by the reception that waited for us at Sea-Tac airport, but it caught me off guard. Kele was the first one I saw. He didn’t seem to see me at all. His eyes were only for Quinn. She went quickly to his side; they didn’t embrace like other couples meeting there. They only stared into each other’s faces, yet, somehow, the moment was so private that I still felt the need to look away.

Mike waited in a quiet corner far from the line for the metal detectors, in the shadow of a wide pillar. He reached for me, hugging me fiercely when Jake withdrew his arm and released me.

I tried not to feel too distraught by that; having known the time would come eventually.

“Thanks, Kiddo,” he said in my ear, pulling away to grin at me and playfully scuff his knuckles over my jaw.

Then he straightened and looked at Jake, who sighed and grimaced. I blinked; and there was a fierce crack, like a colossal thunder clap. When my eyes reopened, Jake was bent double and Mike was shaking out his hand, his eyes narrowed as Jake shook his head and slowly righted himself. It took me a moment to process what had just happened. 

“Don’t ya ever try’n pull that kinda shit again, Grandpa.” He growled quietly, as I glanced around to see various regular people looking up at the sky with concern, convinced a storm was brewing somewhere.

Jake snorted and grinned as he rubbed his jaw, repentant. “Sorry.” He sounded anything but, as he and Mike tussled briefly.

“Alright, ya sorry bastard… I’ll let ya off for now; but I’m gonna kick ya ass later.” Mike huffed a short time later, eyeing Jake in such a manner that I knew there would be a much longer scuffle once they reached wherever they were headed to next. “Seriously, Taylor,” Mike said, looking back at me as Jake curled his arm around my waist again. “We owe ya. Can’t never repay ya for this...”

“Hardly,” I mumbled. The sleepless night was suddenly overpowering. 

“He’s dead on his feet,” I heard Grace scold Jake. “I didn’t realise he was that bad… we should get him home.”

Not sure if home was what I wanted at this point, I stumbled, half-blind, through the airport, Jake dragging me on one side and Aleister on the other. I didn’t know if Quinn, Mike, Grace and Kele were behind us or not, and I was too exhausted to look.

I think I was mostly asleep, though I was still walking, when we reached their car. The surprise of seeing Craig and Zahra leaning against the black sedan under the dim lights of the parking garage revived me some. Jake stiffened.

“Don’t,” Quinn whispered. "She feels awful.”

“She oughta,” Jake said, making no attempt to keep his voice down.

“It’s not her fault,” I said, my words garbled with exhaustion.

“Let her make amends,” Quinn pleaded. "We’ll ride with Grace and Mike.”

Jake glowered at the absurdly lovely dark haired vampire waiting for us.

“Please, Jake,” I said. I didn’t want to ride with Zahra any more than he seemed to, but I’d caused more than enough discord in his family.

He sighed, and nodded to Aleister; and between them, they towed me toward the car.

Craig and Zahra got in the front seat without speaking, while Jake pulled me in the back again. I knew I wasn’t going to be able to fight my eyelids anymore, and I laid my head against his chest in defeat, letting them close. I felt the car purr to life as Aleister slid in the other side of me.

"Who the hell is he?" Zahra demanded, though she received only a stony silence in return. She sucked in a deep breath and hesitated, before exhaling heavily. “Jake,” Zahra began.

“I know.” Jake’s brusque tone was not generous.

“Taylor?” Zahra asked softly.

My eyelids fluttered open in shock. It was the first time she’d ever spoken directly to me.

“Mmm, Zahra?” I asked, hesitant.

“I’m… sorry, Taylor. I feel bad, okay. I don't _do_ feeling bad. So, don't get used to it, or nothin'. I guess, you're kinda cool though… seeing how you went and faced off with the biggest, badasses of our kind for this loser—"

"He took out Rowan's eye." Jake added in a low murmur.

"No freakin' way!" Craig laughed, I assumed he slapped the steering wheel in his joy, from the loud clap. "Damn… wish I could've seen that, brah... what'd I tell you 'bout doing funny stuff when I'm not around, Taylor?" He whined playfully.

"Shut up, dork." Zahra scoffed. "Alright fine, Taylor is cool… so, like… you’ll forgive me, right?” The words were still somewhat awkward, stilted because of her embarrassment, but they seemed sincere.

“Of course, Zahra,” I mumbled, grasping at any chance to make her hate me a little less. "It’s not your fault at all. I’m the one who jumped off the damn cliff. Of course I forgive you.”

The words came out like mush.

“It doesn’t count until he’s conscious, Z,” Craig chuckled.

“I’m conscious,” I said; it just sounded like a garbled sigh.

“Let him sleep,” Jake insisted, but his voice was a little warmer.

My head now felt completely disconnected from my body, like a different entity of its own. There was a distant ringing somewhere; and it took me some time to realise it was my phone. “Oh…” I murmured, frowning as I tried to fumble the device from my pocket.

“‘Lo?” I muttered as I lifted the device to my ear, my brow creasing as I tried to focus.

“Dude! Oh god, you have to believe me, I’m so sorry!” Diego’s voice burst into my ear, and I winced, jerking the phone away briefly as I blinked and my frown deepened; my eyes almost opening. “Taylor listen, it wasn’t… I couldn’t resist the order! I’m sorry!”

“Diego..?” I frowned, fumbling briefly and finally hitting loudspeaker so he wouldn't ruin my ear again. This wasn’t making sense at all; why was Diego sorry? “Dude, I am not gonna lie… I am not following you right now.” I admitted through a yawn, leaning against Jake’s chest as he waited patiently for me to finish with my call.

“It was Sean! He—” Diego’s voice cut off abruptly, his frustrated breath sounding on the other end of the line as I tried to force myself to wake the fuck up and understand.

“Diego..?” I repeated, concern curdling in my gut as Diego’s behaviour broke through my confusion enough to worry me. “Dude… are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m _fine_.” Diego bit out sourly, sighing down the line in frustration. “I just wanted to warn you... but I can’t.” he said regretfully, his voice breaking as something in his background smashed.

“Warn me about what?” I asked, my frown returning as I tried to understand.

“Gimme the phone.” Jake said quietly, falling silent a moment before murmuring quietly to Aleister. “I… might need ya help.” He sighed reluctantly. “Diego Soto, right?” He asked.

“Who the fuck _are_ you?” Zahra repeated.

“He’s runnin’ out on the Volturi.” Jake muttered from above me. “He’s also bonin’ Brain Trust... now shut the fuck up for a minute.” He added distractedly.

"No shit?" Zahra murmured, her brows rising as she hid a wide grin behind his hand. "Well, slap my ass and call me Snape…" she began, before Jake roughly shushed her again.

“He made it in time then?” Diego asked flatly, his teeth audibly snapping together as he took a deep breath and bit back something further. “... glad you’re okay.” He said tightly, as I blinked in surprise; my heart aching at his effort to be civil for my sake.

“Uh, thanks…” Jake said. “Means a lot.” He added quickly, before hurrying on. “So listen, what were ya jus’ sayin’?” He asked, as Diego sighed.

“Nothing… I was saying nothing.” Diego muttered darkly. I could almost picture him shaking his head. 

I sensed something very delicate going on between them, and I frowned as I forced my eyelids to peel themselves open, looking around the car blearily.

Jake grimaced, looking at Aleister and inclining his head in the smallest of nods. Aleister raised a brow, hesitating as Jake extended his free hand toward him, before touching his fingers to his palm lightly. Jake immediately winced, but his eyes remained hard and determined.

"Say it again, Pinky…" he said quickly. I was fairly sure his teeth remained locked the entire time. "Ya wanted to warn him; 'bout what? Is it 'bout the female..? 'Bout Jeanine?"

"I _wish…_ " Diego sighed irritably, as Jake's eyes narrowed briefly, before flashing down to me in fury. "It doesn't matter what I wanted… I can't tell him… I just, I'm so sorry."

"'Cause of this... Sean?" Jake clarified, as I rubbed his arm and reached for the phone, disliking the tense set of his jaw.

Diego was pointedly silent for a long pause, before a low growl of frustration ripped over the line. Jake's nostrils flared in response, his fury clear as he grit his teeth and rolled his eyes. "Ain't ya fault… we'll figure somethin' out." He said, shaking his head as he passed the phone back to me and lowered his hand from Aleister's touch; the pale vampire giving an apologetic grimace as he leaned back in his seat.

"Diego..?" I murmured, frowning as Jake began to talk quickly with the others. "I don't understand, dude… but I know you'd never do anything to hurt me." I said, attempting to soothe him. "We'll be home soon, okay? Come see me in a couple days? I don't want Scott to be mad at you for uh, _camping_ with me and all, heh…"

I'd expected Diego to laugh, so I was confused when he made a bitter scoffing sound instead. "Pretty sure he won't be…" Diego mumbled darkly. "I'm sorry." He said, hanging up the phone before I could say anything more.

"Jerk." I muttered, awkwardly stuffing my phone back in my pocket. "What the hell was all that… about..?" I trailed off as I looked around the suddenly somber vampires, looking up at Jake as he frowned and massaged his temple.

"How long's this gonna last, Malfoy?" He demanded lowly, looking at Aleister from the corner of his eye.

"Impossible to tell." Aleister said dismissively, spreading his palms in a vaguely apologetic gesture. "If you used the boost to pinpoint something specific and you're able to push the added noise back to a manageable level, it may last for only an hour or two. If however, it overwhelms you…" he trailed off, shrugging as Jake sighed and nodded distractedly.

"Alright, alright…" he grumbled, shaking his head and looking over at Craig as he drove. "We might as well get a room for now." He said, grimacing as he looked down at me. "There's a problem with takin' him home right now… and he ain't in any fit state to hear 'bout it."

"Hey, what do you mean by that exactly?" I bristled, trying my best to scowl at him; though I wasn't sure if I succeeded through the thick haze which clouded my head. Judging by his amused expression I assumed I had not. "I am not a problem, okay! You wanna go, just go! You don't have to see me home if you don't want…" I ranted, shoving at his chest pointlessly, as his amusement flitted into something surprised, followed by confused; and finally morphed into something dark. "I can get myself home… I just…" I paused to yawn, shaking my head to try and dislodge the wave of dizziness and exhaustion which rose up before me. "Just need… to—" I trailed off as I lost my battle, falling into a soothing darkness with Jake's face as the last thing I saw.

I didn't know how long passed, but I realised it was quiet, except for the gentle thrum of an engine. I assumed I must have fallen asleep again, because it seemed like seconds later when the door opened and Jake was carrying me from the car. My eyes wouldn’t open. At first I thought we were still at the airport. But then there were other sounds; someone moving quietly, and the smell of coffee hung in the air.

Then there was a low chuckle, and lips were by my ear. "If ya awake 'nough to be noticin' the coffee; then ya gonna have to pull yaself up a bit more… gotta little problem needs sortin'." 

The voice was gruff and velvet combined; delivered straight from heaven to my ears. I groaned, not wanting to wake up yet; I liked the voice. I didn't want to feel the inevitable pain when I opened my eyes to find myself alone in my room.

I heard an exasperated sigh, and then something was jostling me gently. "C'mon, if ya gonna be talkin' bullshit, ya might as well meet up with the others and talk bullshit with them."

I frowned slowly as I contemplated the voices demands. The voice implied they were indeed here, and that they intended to stay for awhile yet; but, it also implied something more. “... I said that?” I grumbled sleepily, sighing as I shifted my weight and rolled my hips slightly into the mattress. 

“Ya like my voice and ya don’t wanna wake up ‘cause ya’ll miss it.” A soft snort sounded, my hair tickling my forehead as a breeze moved it lightly. “Ain’t ever gonna get over how stupid ya can be when ya unconscious...” 

My eyes opened abruptly, realising it was impossible for my imagination to perfectly recreate the amused chuckle I heard. I looked up as Jake drew back from me, a smirk plastered to his face as I felt my cheeks warm. “Urgh… don’t do that… I know I said I’m in control, but I ain’t infallible, ya know.” Jake groaned, his finger brushing over my still darkening cheek softly.

“I—” I paused, blinking as I looked up at his dark eyes, my cheek on fire from where his cool finger touched my skin. I cleared my throat and rolled myself away from his touch, not sure my heart could handle such intimacy from someone who wasn’t going to be in my life much anymore.

Something flashed in Jake’s eyes as I turned away, tactfully hiding my lap; where the blood not rushing to my cheeks had gathered. I sighed as I scrubbed my hand over my face, looking around as I tried to think of what I could possibly say to the man who was going to take my heart with him when he left again; and blurting out the first thing that came to mind. “Where the hell are we?” 

Jake was silent for a moment, before sighing and rising from the bed. “Motel off the highway, just outside Cedar Cove.” He said quietly. I peeked over my shoulder to see him frowning out the window. I followed his gaze, and noted it was dark around the drawn curtains. “Figured ya oughta sleep off some of ya jetlag before we tried to talk to ya ‘bout what to do…”

His words made my heart leap into my throat. I wasn’t ready to say goodbye yet!

“We oughta meet up with the others.” Jake sighed, his hand appearing at my shoulder before I could even blink.

“I… I need a human minute!” I blurted in an attempt to delay the inevitable, jerking away from his hand and skirting widely around him. “I… I need a shower—”

“Might be best to wait on that.” Jake said quietly, his expression frustrated as he watched my behaviour intently. “Least ‘til we know what we’re doin’...”

“Why the hell can I not have a shower?” I demanded, frowning in confusion as Jake walked slowly around the bed and approached me. 

“Because ya Pa thinks ya’ve been wanderin’ ‘round in the woods alone for the past couple days.” He explained gently, half reaching toward my cheek until I flinched, at which point he chose to pat my shoulder awkwardly.

“Scott…” I murmured, frowning as I tried to think and understand why this was wrong. “Why… what do you mean?” I asked slowly, my brow creasing further as Jake grimaced.

“Maybe ya oughta just sit ya ass down again.” He suggested, his hand dropping to my elbow and guiding me again to sit on the bed. "Alright, so… whaddaya remember from before ya left?" He asked, raising a brow when I stared at his too beautiful face.

"Uh," I paused, clearing my throat as I tried to focus. "I remember being pissed at you." I began, narrowing my eyes as Jake rolled his own. "I hurried to my stuff so me and Quinn could get on a flight… I'll pay you all back for my tickets, by the way." I silently wondered how long it would take me to save up enough to pay for two flights, considering my severely depleted university funds. "Um… Diego was helping, and he had me" I trailed off, frowning as I looked over at Jake's too calm expression. "He said to tell Scott that I was with him…"

Jake nodded slowly, waiting for me to connect the puzzle for myself. "So then, why would Scott think I was alone..?" I asked slowly, noticing the specific word as I'm sure he intended me to.

"Because Alpha Wolfman, made ya little buddy tell him ya were." Jake said quietly. He watched as the information sank in, my brow furrowing further as I tried to make my foggy brain work coherently.

"But… why?" I asked, scrubbing my hand over my face in an attempt to wake myself up further. It was an ongoing effort to remain conscious. "Why would Sean do that? Scott's going to be pissed as hell when I do go home, if he isn't already frantically searching the woods for me…" I said, my voice rising in hysteria as Jake reached for my elbow and moved me gently toward the bed. "I don't want to sit on the damn bed!" I exploded, haling myself free and wrapping my arms around myself awkwardly.

"Godammit, what the hell're ya bein' so bloody stubborn for?!" Jake fumed back, scowling at my stiff and awkward posture with obvious irritation. "Ya look like ya 'bout to bloody keel over, Taylor! So just sit ya ass down, and bloody—"

"Ah, I thought I heard Jake's frustrated yelling." Quinn laughed as the door opened and she strolled in uninvited. "I saw you were awake and thought we should discuss what to do." She said, as the other six vampires walked in behind her; Aleister bringing up the rear and closing the door behind him.

"What is this? Party in the humans room?" I demanded, scowling over at the vampires as they laughed. I thought vaguely, that a human should not feel so comfortable, surrounded by so many immortals, but I was already aware of my own limited sanity.

"Pretty shit party," Craig snorted, sitting on the edge of the bed and winking at me. "Unless you're gonna do something funny now. Or sexy. Or funny sexy, 'cause ya know, I'm not into—ow!"

Craig broke off as Zahra sighed and moved to his side, gripping his ear tightly and tugging him from the bed. "How many times a day, I gotta threaten your life?" She demanded, scowling at him in exasperation.

"I dunno… least like, six?" Craig countered, laughing at Zahra's obvious frustration; before he twisted free of her hold and kissed her deeply.

I looked away, barely holding in my pained gasp.

"So, what are we going to do?" Grace asked, drawing everyone's attention and thankfully separating Craig from Zahra's face for me. "There's got to be some way we can damage control this…"

I felt an immense rush of gratitude towards everyone abruptly; realising they'd stayed to try and help me out of the shit pit I had dropped myself into. I swallowed, shaking my head tiredly. "You can't." I said thickly, exhaling a deep breath. "This is on me, because I lied to Scott… because I jumped off that stupid cliff." I said bitterly, biting my lip to avert my frustrated tears with the pain. "You guys should just go home. If Scott's out in the woods hunting for me—"

"He ain't." Jake bit out gruffly, his eyes hard as he watched me glance at him briefly. "Papa Chief's at the station, tryin' to organise a search and rescue for ya, but the woodland rangers are in town. They closed off the woods 'cause of the wolves." He said, narrowing his eyes at me, before sighing in disgust and looking away. "Not even a damn peep."

I blinked, frowning in confusion as I vaguely recalled seeing Aleister and Jake touch. "Oh…" I gasped softly, making an abortive motion to touch his head in concern. "Are you okay?" I asked, biting my lip for a new reason.

Jake looked back at me, his eyes softening at whatever concern he saw in my gaze. "I'm fine… let's just worry 'bout _you_ for now, Boy Scout; and gettin' ya home with as little grief as possible from ya Pa."

I nodded. It only made sense they wanted to help. A trade for saving Jake, I supposed. Well, I would take it. Anything to have them in my life that much longer. "Okay… so then, I need to be found in the woods." I said, thinking aloud. It was quicker than trying to think inside my foggy head.

I half listened to the low murmurs of the vampires as they began to voice their own ideas, frowning as I fumbled for my phone and instead saw it charging on the bedside table. "Hmm." I hummed, trying not to think of who'd had their hand in my pocket to remove it. I dialed a number I knew by heart and tapped my fingers against my hip as the vampires all quieted and looked towards me curiously. I pretended not to notice my blush and half turned away when the call was answered on the second ring.

"Hello?" Diego's miserable voice sounded on the other end of the line, and my heart ached for the unnecessary guilt I knew he was feeling. It wasn't his fault.

"Dude, stop moping… do you think you could help me fix things so Scott isn't too mad?" I asked, jumping right in as I yawned tiredly.

"Wha—?" Diego's shock was palpable over the line, and ir took him a moment to recover. "How'd you..?! Oh my god, Taylor, I'm so sorry—"

"Shut up, Diego… Scott's trying to arrange a hunt in the woods for me and I wanna stop him. Can you help? Or does the gag order prevent that?" I asked, trying not to look around the patiently waiting vampires.

Diego was silent for a full minute, contemplating his options and what he was able to do, I supposed. "I _can."_ He said, seeming surprised and pleased by the discovery. "What do you need me to do?"

"Call Scott, he's at the station." I said, finally looking up as I took a deep breath, meeting Jake's curious and exasperated gaze. "Tell him… tell him that you called Jake, and told him what happened. Tell him Jake is already in town, and he's gone straight into the woods to find me. Tell him the rest of the Darwin's are with him, but that Mike is going to head to the station to pick up Scott..." I licked my lips, scratching my brow as my thoughts began to cloud. "Can… you meet us in the woods? The meadow?" I asked, yawning again.

"Yeah… but it'll take me a while. I can't shift, or Sean will know what I'm doing. I can't risk him finding out and stopping me." He said, as I nodded distractedly.

"That's fine… I need to get some sort of camp sorted anyway. See you in a couple of hours." I said, sighing as Diego murmured his agreement, before ending the call and glanced around the other vampires.

"And, _why_ exactly didn't ya just tell us that first?" Jake asked, his brow furrowed as if he were genuinely bothered about my being in the woods. "Ain't exactly the best idea for ya to be wanderin' round just now." He added pointedly.

"And _that's_ why I didn't tell you. Because you would've said no." I snarked, shoving my phone back in my pocket. "If anyone doesn't want to help; that's fine. I'm not expecting you to… you can just _go_ , if you'd rather." I said, unable to meet his eyes.

"What the fu—" Jake began, only for Mike to interrupt.

"What d'ya want me to tell ya Pa?" He asked, his eyes on Jake as I looked over at him. "When I pick him up, I mean... I'm guessin' ya got that planned too?"

"Just… tell him you all came as soon as you heard." I said, resting my forehead in my palm. "Say that Jake was beside himself; and he ducked straight into the woods to find me, but you thought Scott would want to search too… past that; you're gonna have to think it up for yourself." I huffed, yawning loudly. “Just, you know… nothing too outlandish.” I added tiredly, throwing Mike a knowing look as he grinned.

“Aye, aye Cap’n.” He chuckled, giving me a small salute in response.

“Okay, well… we might as well get rolling.” I sighed. “The sooner we get this sorted, the sooner…” I glanced at Jake, before averting my eyes and swallowing thickly. “The sooner I can sleep.” I said quietly, knowing as soon as we were done; they would be free to leave.

Jake scowled at me and offered me his arm to lean on, I hesitated, before deciding to make the most of his presence; to pretend just a little longer. I leaned into his side as we headed out to the car, allowing him to pull me into his side as we slid into the back seat again.

“I don’t have any of my camping gear…” I murmured as Craig started the car. “It’s going to be suspicious, but I can probably convince him that one of the wolves destroyed it or something.” I said, sighing as I leaned on his shoulder, my fingers locked tightly together in my lap to keep from touching him anymore. 

“He’s gonna be so relieved to see ya, he won’t even notice.” Jake murmured back, his lips brushing my hair line as his arm tightened slightly around my shoulders. “Don’t worry ‘bout anythin’, ‘kay? Just rest.” He said softly, as I sighed tiredly and allowed myself to doze.

It was quiet for some time, the thrum of the engine the only sound, before I heard Jake’s voice break the silence among them. “I know, alright?” He growled quietly, trying not to wake me, I assumed. “It don’t matter how long it takes.” He said, as I hummed softly and shifted my weight, my nose finding his throat as my lips tugged into a small smile. He smelled as amazing as ever.

“‘S fine…” Jake said tightly, his voice slightly muffled. “Let the stubborn dumbass rest. I’ll talk to him after.”

I whined sleepily when the talking stopped, but aside from a small chuckle; Jake’s voice did not return.

It felt like only moments later when the world started shifting around me. I forced my eyes to peel open slowly, blinking blearily as my eyes found Jake’s face before anything else. “Ya awake?” He asked, as I huffed and folded my arms over my chest.

“I can walk just fine…” I muttered, though the blush in my cheeks made him grin; sensing I was quite content for him to be carrying me.

“We were hopin’ to get there before dark, right?” He teased, chuckling when my cheeks warmed further.

“I’m not that slow…” I muttered.

“Ya really are, Boy Scout.” Jake laughed, smiling down at me fondly.

“Shut up, Top Gun.” The words slipped out before I could stop them, and I winced as I turned away to look ahead of us. “How far are we?” I asked, unsubtly changing the subject.

“... not far.” He said thoughtfully. I reluctantly glanced at him, and noticed he was frowning at me. He opened his mouth to speak; but I wasn’t ready for whatever goodbye he was going to offer me this time.

“Why didn’t you just run?” I asked quickly, as he sighed in frustration at being cut off. 

“Didn’t wanna jostle ya too much.” He replied, narrowing his eyes briefly, before his speed increased in a split second. The scenery shifted; and then stood still, as Jake raised a brow at me. “Happy now?” He demanded, and though his tone was sulky; I noticed he looked far too smug for himself.

“Ecstatic.” I said dryly, rolling my eyes. “Put me down, please.” I said, lowering my eyes as I shifted my weight and tried to prepare to stand up and bear my own weight. I looked up when Jake didn’t move, my frown of confusion slowly melting into raw fear; at the intent in Jake’s eyes.

I might want to enjoy his presence while I could, to extend it and put off the talk I knew we needed to have for as long as I possibly could; but if he kissed me now, I would never survive his leaving again. Not even for a short while. “Please.” I blurted, throwing myself to the side and forcing him to help me stand; or risk me falling.

“Taylor!” Diego’s voice filled me with relief. “Holy shit, dude…” he said as he jogged quickly across the meadow. “You look like crap.” He huffed, moving to my side and glancing at Jake uncertainly.

“Gee, thanks so much, Diego.” I groused, scowling at him. “No cheese sticks for you for a month.”

“My god Taylor, you’re practically glowing!” Diego gushed, feigning a wondrous gasp. “Are you using some new moisturizer or something?”

“Shut up, Jerk…” I coughed, shaking my head. “I’m too tired for laughing.” I said, yawning as I leaned my back against Jake.

“Taylor…” Diego said again, his tone serious as he took my hand and squeezed. “I really am so sorry. I couldn’t—” he cut off abruptly, scowling as he struggled in silence for a short time, before giving up with a frustrated growl. “I’m sorry…”

“Stop apologising already, it wasn’t your fault, Diego.” I said, patting his shoulder awkwardly. “Is Scott on the way?” 

“He and Mike are almost here… I heard them in the woods, about a half a mile that way.” Diego replied, gesturing towards the side of the clearing from which he’d approached. “What’s the plan, Batman?”

Jake sighed and muttered something under his breath. I jabbed his abs with my elbow, wincing when the gesture no doubt caused me more pain than it did him. “Okay… well, uh… if someone can knock me around in the mud a little, that should be enough. You can all probably go after that.” I said thoughtfully, as Jake and Diego both tensed.

“What?” Jake demanded, his dark eyes hard as I glanced up in surprise. "Ya seriously think I'm gonna leave ya here alone?" He asked, narrowing his eyes as I blinked in confusion.

"Why not?" I replied, searching his eyes tiredly. 

"Dude, no offense; but nobody is leaving you alone in here…" Diego agreed, as I glanced between them accusingly.

"I thought you guys were enemies; not cohorts in the pick on Taylor game." I groused sourly, as the pair glanced at each other.

"We got a common goal." Jake said slowly, as Diego nodded.

"Namely; keep Taylor alive... because he's a stupid jerk." Diego added, laughing when I tried to jab his arm and instead missed entirely.

"Urgh, just… c'mon already." I complained, my eyelids drooping as I yawned again. "Get me all scruffed up so Scott will think I've been bumbling around here for a few days."

"I'll make it look like you've been sleeping here." Diego said quickly, moving away and working quickly to establish what looked like a very primitive camp. "I brought a bag with some food wrappers and basic stuff." He said, gesturing to a bag on his back which I hadn't noticed.

"I guess…" I said as Diego worked quickly. "That makes you my make up artist." I looked up at Jake tiredly, my eyes barely open as I squinted up at his beautiful, blurry face.

"Ya think I'm gonna do anythin' that might hurt ya, ya got another think comin', Boy Scout." Jake replied flatly.

"Can't be worse than last time." I muttered, sighing as I wobbled on my feet, and Jake curled his arm tighter around my waist. "I need to look hurt and dirty, Jake, or this will never—"

"If I might intrude upon your pointless bickering." Aleister's weary sigh interrupted us, strolling over and hesitating before me. "May I?" He asked, raising a brow as he extended a hand toward me.

At my nod, Aleister quickly began to systematically tear my clothes or smear them with authentic looking mud stains; making me seem every bit the mess I felt I should be for my reunion with Scott. The pale vampire walked slowly around me; making the job thorough and complete on all surfaces. He also smeared dirt across my face, taking a minute alone to create an all too real looking bump on my head; which could explain away my drowsiness as a concussion.

"There." Aleister said, all of five minutes later. "That should be more than convincing enough." He decided, stepping back and running his dull red eyes over me.

"Thanks…" I yawned, leaning more heavily against Jake as my bones slowly turned to jelly. "'Preciate your help… Al…" my yawning took on a new level of ridiculous, as my legs buckled beneath me.

"Shit—" only Jake's firm hold on me kept me upright, and then the floor disappeared entirely from beneath me; my useless legs draped over a rock. It took me an embarrassing amount of time to realise it was Jake's other arm.

"You c'n pu' me down…" I slurred, as I contrarily wrapped my arms around his neck and curled into his chest. I think I must have made some sort of whining sound to contradict myself further, because then he was laughing softly.

"Taylor, shut the fuck up and go to bloody sleep, will ya?" He snickered gently, his lips finding my hairline as he inhaled softly. "Ya hair's cute longer, ya know…" he murmured gently, my heart accelerating with idiotic pleasure as his lips continued to move against my brow. "But I miss ya spikes… bet they'd be taller'n ever if ya did 'em now." He mused, as I hummed contently; basking in his attention now that I had no choice about escaping it.

Seeing as I was giving in now, I allowed myself to bury my face in the side of his throat and inhale deeply. It would be enough to sustain me through my meeting with Jeanine. Nonetheless; I found myself foolishly wishing he wasn't going to leave again.

An annoyed sigh sounded from above me, but I tuned out the low mutter, when I suddenly heard Scott.

“Taylor!” he shouted from some distance.

“Scott,” I mumbled, trying to shake off the stupor.

“Shh,” Jake whispered. “It’s alright; I got ya. Just sleep.”

“I can’t believe you have the nerve to show your face here… after what you did to him.” Scott bellowed at Jake, his voice much closer now.

 _“Daaaddyyyy,”_ I groaned tiredly. He didn’t hear me.

“What’s wrong with him?” Scott demanded.

“He’s just real tired, Scott,” Jake assured him quietly, his voice tinged with something I couldn't name in my ridiculous state of foggy headedness. "Please, just let him rest—”

I hated that unnameable thing in his voice. I whined and clung tighter to him, foolishly trying to soothe the bad sound away.

“Don’t tell me what to do!” Scott yelled. "Give him to me. Get your hands off him!”

Jake tried to pass me to Scott, but I clung to him with locked, tenacious fingers. I could feel my dad yanking on my arm.

 _“Stoooop,_ Dad,” I said with more volume. I managed to drag the eyelids I hadn't even noticed closing back to stare at Scott with bleary eyes. "Be mad at _me_ … Jake found me.”

Scott looked awful. He was red faced and wide eyed; panicked and relieved and resentful of the fact he was so damn grateful I'd been found by the man he wanted to hate in peace. The cloud cover overhead was too thick to guess at a time of day.

“You bet I will be,” Scott promised. "Get him to the car.” 

”Kay. Let me down,” I sighed to Jake, blinking slowly.

Jake hesitantly set me on my feet. I could see that I was upright, but I still couldn’t feel my legs. I trudged a step forward anyway, until the ground swirled up toward my face. Jake swept me up into his arms again before I face planted in the dirt.

“C'mon, Boy Scout… let's get ya home.” Jake said. "Then I’ll leave.”

“Jake...” I murmured woefully, my eyes watering stupidly. I hadn’t got my answers yet; and now it was too late. I'd avoided too much, and now I wouldn't even get a goodbye. Maybe it was better though. A clean break.

“Taylor… stop talkin' bullshit and just go to bloody sleep already. I ain't gonna be far,” Jake promised tightly, whispering so low in my ear that Scott didn’t have a hope of hearing.

I didn’t hear Scott answer, but Jake began walking. My open eyes only made it till the trees. The last thing I felt was Jake’s cool lips brushing against my hairline.

Then; I fell into oblivion.


	23. Truths

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get ready for more feels!
> 
> x Our love to you all x  
> ✲ﾟ｡.(✿╹◡╹)ﾉ♡.｡₀:*ﾟ✲ﾟ

**Truths**

I had the sense that I'd been asleep for a very long time, when I woke this time.

My body was stiff, like I hadn’t moved once through all that time, either. My mind was dazed and slow; strange, colorful dreams; dreams and nightmares, swirled dizzily around the inside of my head. They were so vivid. The horrible and the heavenly, all mixed together into a bizarre jumble. There was sharp impatience and fear, both part of that frustrating dream where your feet can’t move fast enough. And there were plenty of monsters, red-eyed fiends that were all the more ghastly for their genteel civility. The dream was still strong; I could even remember the names. But the strongest, clearest part of the dream was not the horror. It was the angel that was most clear.

It was hard to let him go and wake up. This dream did not want to be shoved away into the vault of dreams I refused to revisit. I struggled with it as my mind became more alert, focusing on reality. I couldn’t remember what day of the week it was, but I was sure Diego or school or work or something was waiting for me. I inhaled deeply, wondering how to face another day.

Something cold touched my forehead with the softest pressure.

I squeezed my eyes more tightly shut. I was still dreaming, it seemed, and it felt abnormally real. I was so close to waking... any second now, and it would be gone.

But I realized that it felt too real. Far too real to be good for me. The stone arms I imagined wrapped around me were far too substantial. If I let this go any further, I’d be sorry for it later. With a resigned sigh, I wrenched back my eyelids to dispel the illusion.

“Oh!” I gasped, and threw my fists over my eyes.

Well, clearly, I’d gone too far; it must have been a mistake to let my imagination get so out of hand. Okay, so ‘let’ was the wrong word. I’d forced it to get out of hand; pretty much stalked my hallucinations… and now my mind had snapped.

It took less than half a second for me to realize that, as long as I was truly insane now, I might as well enjoy the delusions while they were pleasant.

I opened my eyes again; and Jake was still there, his perfect face just inches away from mine.

“Did I scare ya?” His low voice was anxious. This was very good, as delusions went. The face, the voice, the scent, everything… it was so much better than drowning. The beautiful figment of my imagination watched my changing expressions with alarm. His irises were pitch-black, with bruise-like shadows under them. This surprised me; my hallucinatory Jake’s were usually better fed.

I blinked twice, desperately trying to remember the last thing that I was sure was real. Quinn was part of my dream, and I wondered if she had really come back at all, or if that was just the preamble. I thought she’d returned the day I’d nearly drowned...

“Oh, shit.” I croaked. My throat was thick with sleep.

“What’s wrong, Taylor?”

I frowned at him unhappily. His face was even more anxious than before.

“I’m dead, right?” I moaned. "I did drown. Oh… shit, shit, shit! This is gonna kill Scott. God, I hope Jeanine doesn't hurt him...”

Jake frowned, too. "Ya ain't dead.”

“Then why am I not waking up?” I challenged, raising my eyebrows.

“Ya _are_ awake, Taylor.”

I shook my head. "Uh huh… _sure_ . That’s what you _want_ me to think. And then it will be worse when I _do_ wake up. _If_ I wake up, which I won’t, because I’m dead. This is so fucked. Damn, how can I protect them now..?” I trailed off in horror at what I had done. Denied a psychotic vampire her revenge and possibly condemned my family in the process.

“Guess I can see why ya'd confuse me with a nightmare.” His short-lived smile was grim. "But I can’t imagine what ya could've done to wind up in hell. Did ya commit many murders while I was away?”

I grimaced. "Obviously not. If I was in hell, _you_ wouldn’t be with me.”

He sighed.

My head was getting clearer. My eyes flickered away from his face; _very_ unwillingly for one second. Only to the dark, open window, and then back to him. I started to remember details... and I felt a faint, unfamiliar blush warm the skin over my cheekbones as I slowly realized that Jake was really, truly here with me; and I was wasting time being an idiot.

“Did… all of that really happen, then?” It was almost impossible to reassign my dream as reality. I couldn’t wrap my head around the concept.

“Depends.” Jake’s smile was still hard. "If ya referrin' to us nearly being massacred in Italy, then, yeah.”

“How strange,” I mused. "I really went to Italy. Did you know I’d never been farther east than Albuquerque?”

He rolled his eyes. "Maybe ya oughta go back to sleep. Ya ain't coherent.”

“I’m not tired anymore.” It was all coming clear now. "What time is it? How long have I been sleeping?”

“It’s just after one in the mornin'. So, 'bout twelve hours this time.”

I stretched as he spoke. I was so stiff.

“Scott?” I asked.

Jake frowned. "Sleepin'. Ya probably oughta know that I’m breakin' the rules right now. Well, not technically, since he said I weren’t ever to walk through his door 'gain... and I came in the window. But, ya know, the intent was clear.”

“Scott _banned_ you from the house?” I asked, disbelief quickly melting into fury.

His eyes were sad. "What'd ya expect exactly?”

My eyes were mad. I was going to have a few words with my father; perhaps it would be good to remind him _again_ that I was over the legal age of adulthood. It didn’t matter so much, of course, except in principle. All too soon there would be no reason for the prohibition. I turned my thoughts to less painful avenues.

“What’s the story?” I asked, genuinely curious, but also trying desperately to keep the conversation casual, to keep a firm grip on myself; so I wouldn’t scare him away with the frantic, gnawing craving that was raging inside me.

“Whaddaya mean?”

“What am I telling Scott? What’s my excuse for disappearing alone into the woods for... how long was I gone, anyway?” I tried to count the hours in my head.

“Three days.” His eyes tightened, but he smiled more naturally this time. "Actually, I was hopin' ya might have a good explanation. I got nothin'.”

I rolled my eyes and groaned. "Fabulous.”

“Well, maybe Quinn'll help ya come up with somethin',” he offered, trying to comfort me.

And I was comforted. Who cared what I had to deal with later? Every second that he was here; so close, his flawless face glowing in the dim light from the numbers on my alarm clock… was precious and not to be wasted.

“So,” I began, picking the least important; though still vitally interesting question to start with. I was safely delivered home, and he might decide to leave at any moment. I had to keep him talking if I wanted to delay that. Besides, this temporary heaven wasn’t entirely complete without the sound of his voice. "What have you been doing… up until three days ago?”

His face turned wary in an instant. "Nothin' terribly excitin'.”

“Of _course_ not,” I mumbled.

“What're ya makin' that face for?”

“Well...” I pursed my lips, considering. "If you were, after all, just a dream, then that’s exactly the kind of thing you would say. My imagination would be all used up, imagining you so perfectly.” If I really were dreaming, it wouldn't matter that my fingers were toying gently with his shirt, subtly feeling his hard, muscular arm beneath. Would it?

He sighed. "If I tell ya, will ya finally believe that ya ain't havin' a nightmare?”

“Nightmare!” I repeated scornfully. "I'll have you know, my imaginary Jake, that this is the best dream I've had since the day you left. Much better than the empty forest." He frowned but waited for me to answer properly. "Maybe,” I said after a second of thought. " _If_ you tell me.”

“I was... huntin'.”

“Is that the best you can do?” I criticized. "That definitely doesn’t prove I’m awake.”

He hesitated, and then spoke slowly, choosing his words with care. "I weren’t huntin' for food... I was actually tryin' my hand at... trackin'. Apparently I ain't very good at it.”

“What were you tracking?” I asked, intrigued.

“Nothin’ much.” His words didn’t match his expression; he looked upset, uncomfortable.

“I don’t understand.”

He hesitated; his face, shining with an odd green cast from the light of the clock, was torn.

“I...” He took a deep breath. “Taylor… I owe ya an apology.” He said, swallowing thickly. I blinked, this was pretty out there; even for my imagination. “Heh, nah... ‘course, I owe ya so much more’n that... But ya gotta know,” the words began to flow so fast, the way I remembered he spoke sometimes when he was agitated, that I really had to concentrate to catch them all. “I had _no_ idea. I didn’t realize what a damn mess I was leavin’ behind. I thought it was safe for ya here. So safe. I had no idea that bloody _Jeanine_ ,” his lips curled back when he said the name, ”would come back. When I saw her that one time, I was payin’ more attention to Rex’s thoughts. So, I never saw she had this kinda response in her. That she even had such a tie to him. I think I realize why now… she was so sure of him, the thought of him failin' never occurred to her. Her overconfidence clouded her feelin’s ‘bout him; kept me from seein’ the depth of ‘em, the bond there.”

My head was dizzy from trying to follow his rapid flow of words, all of them so fast by this point that I wasn’t sure I wasn’t imagining that I even understood half of them.

“Not that there’s any excuse for what I left ya to face... When I heard what ya told Quinn; what she saw herself… when I realized that ya had to put ya life in the hands of goddamn _werewolves_ !” He fumed, shaking his head quickly. “Immature, volatile... the worst bloody thing out there besides Jeanine herself…” he shuddered and the gush of words halted for a short second. “ _Please_ , Taylor… ya gotta know that I had no idea ‘bout any of it. I feel sick, sick to my core, even now, when I can see and feel ya safe in my arms. I’m the most _miserable_ excuse for...”

“Stop,” I interrupted him. He stared at me with agonized eyes, and I tried to find the right words… the words that would free him from this imagined obligation that caused him so much pain. They were very hard words to say. I didn’t know if I could get them out without breaking down. But I had to _try_ to do it right. I didn’t want to be this source of guilt and anguish in his life. He should be happy, no matter what it cost me.

I’d really been hoping to put off this part of our last conversation. It was going to bring things to an end so much sooner.

Drawing on all my months of practice with trying to be normal for Scott, I kept my face smooth.

“Jake,” I said. His name burned my throat a little on the way out. I licked my lips and swallowed heavily. I could feel the ghost of the hole, waiting to rip itself wide again as soon as he disappeared. I didn’t quite see how I was going to survive it this time. I hesitated, before brushing the tips of my fingers over his stubble gently. Surely he wouldn’t mind me doing just that, would he? “This has to stop now. You can’t think about things that way. You can’t let this... this _guilt_ ; rule your life. You can’t take responsibility for the things that happen to me here. None of it is your fault, it’s just part of how life _is_ for me. So, if I trip in front of a bus or whatever it is next time, you have to realize that it’s not your job to take the blame. You can’t just go running off to Italy because you feel bad that you didn’t save me. Even if I _had_ jumped off that cliff to die, that would have been _my_ choice, and not _your fault_ . I know it’s your... your _nature;_ to shoulder the blame for everything, but you really can’t let that make you go to such extremes! It’s very irresponsible! Think of Grace and Mike and...”

“Ya wanna talk to me ‘bout irresponsible when ya been jumpin’ off cliffs and plannin’ on meetin’ a psychotic vampire that wants to kill ya?” Jake demanded, his eyes hard as he glowered at me.

“That’s not the same and its _nothing_ to do with _you!”_ I barked in a rough whisper, glaring back at him. “If I do something _stupid_ or _reckless;_ then it’s on _me_! It’s not going to be your fault if the weak, stupid human gets himself killed! Okay? So… just stop… feeling bad…”

I was on the edge of losing it. I stopped to take a deep breath, hoping to calm myself. I had to set him free. I had to make sure this never happened again.

“Taylorence Frederic Lee,” he whispered, the strangest expression crossing his face. He almost looked mad. “Are ya tellin’ me, ya believe I asked the Volturi to kill me... because I felt _guilty_?”

I could feel the blank incomprehension on my face. “Didn’t you?”

“Feel guilty? ‘Course I bloody did.... More’n ya can ever understand.”

“Then... what are you saying? I don’t understand.” I grumbled, frowning at him in petulant confusion.

“Taylor, I went to the Volturi ‘cause I thought ya’d died,” he said, voice soft, eyes fierce. “Even if I’d had no hand in ya death...” he shuddered as he whispered the last word. ”Even if it weren’t my fault, I would’ve gone to Italy. Obviously, I should’ve been more careful… I should’ve spoke to Quinn directly, rather’n acceptin’ it secondhand from Hot Topic. But, really, what was I s’posed to think when the guy on the phone said Scott was ‘at the funeral?’ What were the odds?” He demanded, his eyes blazing intently; though I couldn’t fathom why.

“The odds...” he muttered then, distracted. His voice was so low I wasn’t sure I beard it right. “The odds’re always stacked against us... mistake after mistake. I ain’t ever gonna criticize Romeo ‘gain.”

“But I still don’t understand,” I said. “That’s my whole point… _so what?_ ”

“‘Scuse me?”

“So what if I was dead?”

He stared at me dubiously for a long moment before answering. “Don’t ya remember anythin’ I told ya before?”

“I remember _everything_ that you told me.” Including the words that had negated all the rest.

He brushed the tip of his cool finger against my lower lip. “Taylor... ya seem to be under a misapprehension.” He closed his eyes, shaking his head back and forth with half a smile on his beautiful face. It wasn’t a happy smile. “I thought I’d told ya clearly before. Taylor, I can’t live in a world where _you_ don’t exist.”

“I am...” My head swam as I looked for the appropriate word. “Confused.” That worked. I couldn’t make sense of what he was saying. Everything was all blurry in my head.

He stared deep into my eyes with his sincere, earnest gaze. “I’m a good liar, Taylor... I had to be.”

I froze, my muscles locking down as if for impact. The fault line in my chest rippled; the pain of it took my breath away.

He shook my shoulder, trying to loosen my rigid pose. “Lemme damn well finish! I’m a good liar... but still, for ya to believe me so quickly.” He winced. “That was... excruciatin’.”

I waited, still frozen.

“In the forest, when I was tellin’ ya goodbye...”

I didn’t allow myself to remember. I shook my head desperately and fought to keep myself in the present second only.

“Ya weren’t gonna let go,” he whispered. “I could see that. I didn’t wanna do it, Taylor! It felt like it’d _kill_ me to do it… but I knew if I couldn’t convince ya I didn’t love ya anymore... it’d just take ya longer to get on with ya life. I hoped, if ya thought I’d moved on, so would _you_.”

“A clean break,” I whispered through unmoving lips.

“Exactly. But I _never_ thought it’d be so easy to do! I thought it would be next to impossible… that ya’d be so sure of the truth that I’d have to lie through my damn teeth for _hours_ to even plant the _seed_ of doubt in ya head. I lied, and I’m so… so sorry. Sorry ‘cause I hurt you, sorry ‘cause it was a worthless effort. Sorry, that I couldn’t protect ya from what I am. I lied to save ya, and it didn’t work... I’m sorry.” He said, his voice pleading as he swept his thumb over my cheekbone.

I wasn’t sure I was breathing anymore. If I tried to take a break now, I was sure my chest would cave in. This was too much, even for my battered, broken mind.

“But how could ya _believe_ it?!” Jake demanded, his tone frustrated as he frowned in disbelief. “After all the thousand times I told ya I love ya... how could ya let one word break ya faith in me?”

I didn’t answer. I was too shocked to form a rational response.

“I could see it in ya beautiful goddamn eyes. Ya honestly believed I didn’t want ya anymore. The stupidest, most dumbass concept... as if there’s any way I could exist without needin’ ya!”

I was still frozen. His words were incomprehensible; because they were impossible.

He shook my shoulder again, not hard, but enough that my teeth rattled a little.

“Taylor,” he sighed. “Really, what the bloody hell were ya thinkin’?!”

And so I started to cry. The tears welled up and then gushed miserably down my cheeks. “I knew it...” I sobbed. “I knew I was dreaming.” I rasped incoherently a moment, burying my face in his chest. What the hell would it matter now? None of this was real; so I might as well enjoy it while it lasted, before I had to lock it away in that forbidden part of my mind.

“Ya bloody impossible,” he said, and he laughed once; a hard laugh, frustrated as his arm curled around my back and held me close. “How can I put it so that ya’ll damn well believe me? Ya ain’t asleep, and ya ain’t dead. I’m here, and I love ya. I _always_ loved ya; and I always _will_ love ya. I was thinkin’ of _you_ ; seein’ ya face in my mind, every goddamn second that I was away. When I told ya I didn’t want ya? It was the blackest kind of blasphemy known to man or monster.”

I shook my head while the tears continued to ooze from the corners of my eyes. This couldn’t be real… if it was; I had just made a mortifying display of myself in front of him, but not only that, I’d have caused myself even worse pain when he left.

“Ya don’t believe me, d’ya?” he whispered, his face paler than his usual pale. I could see that even in the dim light. “How come ya believe the lie, but not the truth?”

“It never made sense for you to love me,” I explained, my voice breaking twice as I rolled onto my back and covered my stupid, wet eyes with my arm. “I always knew that.” I sucked in a deep breath, swallowing heavily. “You never wanted me forever, to live with me at your side. The very thought of spending eternity with me always made you cringe; even in Italy…” I said, shaking my head again as Jake pried my arm from my eyes, his dark and smoldering gaze meeting my watery one. “I was never good enough for you, Jake… why the hell _would_ you love me?”

His eyes narrowed, his jaw tightened.

“I’ll prove ya bloody awake,” he promised.

He caught my face securely between his iron hands, ignoring my struggles when I tried to turn my head away as he rolled himself over me and trapped my body beneath his.

“No! _Please,_ Jake! Please... don’t!” I whispered urgently.

He stopped, his lips just half an inch from mine.

“Why the hell not?” he demanded. His breath blew into my face, making my head whirl.

“When I wake up-” He opened his mouth to protest, so I revised quickly. “Okay, forget that one... when you _leave_ again; it’s going to be hard enough without this, too.”

He pulled back an inch, to stare at my face.

“Since we met... when I’d touch ya, ya been so... hesitant, so careful, and yet the same. I gotta know why.” He whispered urgently. “Is it ‘cause I’m too late? ‘Cause I hurt ya too much? ‘Cause ya've moved on, as I meant ya to? That’d be... _annoyin’,”_ he admitted, as I huffed in exasperation and disbelief, my hands over his on my face. “But, it’d be fair. I ain’t gonna argue ya decision. So don’t try to spare my feelin’s or anythin’; just... tell me now, whether or not ya can still love me, after everythin’ I’ve done to ya. Can ya?” He pleaded in a whisper.

“What kind of an idiotic question is that?” I scoffed, rolling my eyes.

“Just answer it.” Jake demanded quietly. “ _Please_.”

I stared at him darkly for a long moment, my eyes lingering on the way his hair fell forward, like a curtain to give us privacy; had I not stopped him. “Jake…” I said, swallowing heavily and sensing that my reply would be crucial. “The way I feel about you will never change. You made me feel things, I never even knew I was capable of feeling. You brought life and colour into my life; and then took it away when you left… except you took everything else away too. There’s nothing, for me without you.” I sniffed, my eyes watering anew; except this time it was with frustration. “Of _course_ I love you... and there’s _not a goddamn thing_ you can do about it!”

Jake’s eyes hardened, intent as he locked his fingers firmly but carefully around my face. “‘S all I needed to hear.”

His mouth was on mine then, and I couldn’t fight him. Not because he was so many thousand times stronger than me; but because my will crumbled into dust the second our lips met. This kiss was not quite as careful as others I remembered, which suited me just fine. If I was going to rip myself up further, I might as well get as much in trade as possible.

So I kissed him back, my heart pounding out a jagged, disjointed rhythm against his chest while my breathing turned to desperate panting and my fingers moved greedily to his face. I could feel his marble body against every line of mine, and I was so glad he hadn’t listened to me… there was no pain in the world that would have justified missing this. His hands memorized my face, the same way mine were tracing his; and, in the brief seconds when his lips were free, he whispered my name.

I could feel the blood rushing through my body, as he no doubt could himself. I had a vague inkling I should be embarrassed by that; but I couldn’t bring myself to care, not when he was here and he seemed to be just as content to let me throw myself against his hard body.

I whimpered softly, my heart hammering wildly against his chest as I twisted my hands into his hair, pulling him closer as my lips parted and I nipped at his hard lip, before sucking it between my own. 

I was more thrilled than I wanted to admit when he groaned quietly; but I suspected he’d know anyway, given the lurch in my heart rate and the inevitable rush of blood in another part of my anatomy.

When he noticed I was short of breath and starting to get dizzy, Jake pulled away, only to shift downward slightly and lay his ear over my heart.

I lay there, dazed, waiting for my gasping to slow and quiet while I gently threaded my fingers in his hair.

“By the way,” he said in a casual tone. “I ain’t leavin’ ya.”

I didn’t say anything, and he seemed to hear scepticism in my silence.

He lifted his face to lock my gaze in his. “I ain’t goin’ anywhere, ever again, Taylor. Not without _you_ ,” he added more seriously.

“I only left ya in the first place ‘cause I wanted ya to have a chance at a normal, _happy_ , human life. I could see what I was doin’ to ya; keepin’ ya constantly on the edge of danger, takin’ ya further’n further away from the world ya belonged in. Riskin’ ya life every goddamn moment I was with ya. So I had to _try._ I had to do somethin’... and it seemed like leavin’ was the only way. If I hadn’t thought ya’d be better off, I could’ve never made myself leave. I’m much too selfish. Only _you_ could be more important than what I wanted... what I _needed_. What I want and need is to be with ya, and I know... I ain’t ever gonna be strong enough to leave ya ‘gain. I got too many excuses to stay. Thank heaven for that! It seems ya can’t be safe, no matter how many miles I put between us.”

“Don’t promise me anything,” I whispered. If I let myself hope, and it came to nothing... that would kill me. Where all those merciless vampires had not been able to finish me off, hope would do the job. “You never keep your promises…” I murmured, as he grimaced and sighed.

Anger glinted, metallic in his black eyes. “Ya think I’m lyin’ to ya? Even _now_?”

“No... not lying.” I shook my head, trying to think it through coherently. To examine the hypothesis that he did love me, while staying objective, clinical, so I wouldn’t fall into the trap of hoping. "You could mean it... _now._ But what about tomorrow, when you think about all the reasons you left in the first place? Or next month, when Kele takes a snap at me?”

He flinched.

I thought back over those last days of my life before he left me, tried to see them through the filter of what he was telling me now. From that perspective, imagining that he’d left me while loving me, left me for me, his brooding and cold silences took on a different meaning. “It isn’t as if you hadn’t thought the first decision through, is it?” I guessed. “You’ll end up doing what you think is right, regardless of what I want.”

“I ain’t as strong as ya give me credit for,” he said. “Right and wrong ceased to mean much to me; I was comin’ back anyway.” He said quietly, his finger tracing my cheek as it warmed beneath his touch, my heart jumping erratically at his confession. “‘Fore Zahra told me the news, I was already past tryin’ to live through just a week at a time, or even a damn day. Was fightin’ to make it through one bloody hour. Was only a matter of time; and not a lot of it, ‘fore I showed up at ya window and begged ya to take me back. I’m happy to beg ya now, if ya’d like.”

I grimaced. “Be serious, please.”

“I _am_ .” He insisted, glaring now. “Will ya _please,_ try to hear what I’m tellin’ ya here? Will ya let me at least _try’n_ explain what ya bloody well mean to me?”

He waited, studying my face as he spoke to make sure I was really listening.

“Before _you_ , Taylor; my life was like... a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars. Points of light and reason. Then _you_ shot across my sky; like a goddamn meteor. Suddenly everythin’ was on fire; there’s brilliancy, there’s beauty. When ya were gone, when the meteor went over the horizon, everythin’ went black. Nothin’ changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light of ya. I can’t see the stars anymore. And there’s no more reason for anythin’.”

My eyes watered stupidly. I desperately wanted to believe him. But this was _my_ life without _him_ that he was describing; not the other way around.

“Your eyes will adjust,” I mumbled.

“That’s just it, Taylor... they can’t.”

“What about your _distractions_?”

He laughed without a trace of humour and laid down beside me again, curling close as he shook his head. “All part of the lie, idiot. There ain’t no distraction from the... the _agony._ My heart ain’t beat in over a hundred years; but this’s different. It was like my heart was _gone_ ; like I was hollow. Like I’d left everythin’ that was inside me; here. With _you_.”

“That’s funny,” I muttered.

He arched one perfect eyebrow. _“Funny?”_

“I meant strange. I thought it was just me.” I said quietly, moving to wipe my eyes with the back of his hand; only for him to gently nudge my hand away and do it himself. “Lots of pieces of me went missing, too. I haven’t been able to really breathe in so long.” I filled my lungs, luxuriating in the sensation. “And my heart. That was _definitely_ lost.”

He closed his eyes and laid his ear over my heart again. I let my cheek press against his hair, felt the texture of it on my skin, smelled the delicious scent of him.

“Tracking wasn’t a distraction then?” I asked, curious, and also needing to distract myself. I was very much in danger of hoping. I wouldn’t be able to stop myself for long. My heart throbbed, singing in my chest.

“Nah.” He sighed. “That weren’t ever a distraction. Was more of a... obligation.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means that, even though I never expected any danger from Jeanine, I weren’t gonna let her get away with…” he trailed off, shaking his head briefly. “Well, like I said, I was bloody awful at it. I traced her as far as Texas, but then I chased a false lead down to Madrid… when really she came _here_.” He groaned. “I weren’t even on the right goddamn continent! And all the while, worse’n my worst fears...”

“You were _hunting_ Jeanine?” I half-shrieked as soon as I could find my voice, shooting through two octaves.

Scott’s distant snores stuttered, and then picked up a regular rhythm again.

“Not well,” Jake answered, studying my outraged expression with a confused look. “But I’ll do better this time. She won’t be taintin’ perfectly good air by breathin’ much longer.”

“That is... out of the question,” I managed to choke out. Insanity. Even if he had Craig or Kele help him. It was worse than my other imaginings: Diego Soto standing across a small space from Jeanine’s vicious and feline figure. I couldn’t bear to picture Jake there, even though he was so much more durable than my half-human best friend.

“It’s too late for her. I might’ve let the other time slide, but not now, not after...”

“Is this the shortest promise you made and then broke, or what?” I interrupted him again, trying to sound calm. “Didn’t you _just_ promise; that you weren’t going to leave?” I asked, fighting the words as I said them, not letting them plant themselves in my heart. “That isn’t exactly compatible with an extended tracking expedition, is it?”

He frowned. A snarl began to build low in his chest. "I'll keep my promise, Taylor. But Jeanine...” his snarl became more pronounced, "is gonna die. Soon.”

“Let’s not be hasty,” I said, trying to hide my panic. "Maybe… maybe she’s not coming back. Diego’s pack probably scared her off. There’s really no reason to go looking for her. Besides, I’ve got bigger problems than Jeanine.” 

Jake’s eyes narrowed, but he nodded. "'S true. The werewolves _are_ a problem.” 

I narrowed my eyes in return. "I wasn’t talking about _Diego_. My problems are a lot worse than a handful of dumbass wolves getting themselves into trouble.” I snorted, jostling his shoulder. "And stop with the werewolf digs, already… best friend, remember? And he helped sort things out too…"

Jake looked as if he were about to say something, and then thought better of it. His teeth clicked together, and he spoke through them. "Alright, so what then?” he asked. "What'd be ya greatest problem? That'd make Jeanine’s returnin' for ya seem such a bloody small matter to ya?”

I paused; quickly reconsidering. “Okay… how about second greatest?” I hedged.

“Alright...” he agreed, clearly suspicious.

I paused. I wasn’t sure I could say the name. "There are... _others_ who are coming to look for me,” I reminded him in a subdued whisper. " _Others_ , that Aleister has to report to…"

He sighed, but the reaction was not as strong as I would have imagined after his response to Jeanine.

“The Volturi're only second greatest?”

“You... don’t seem that upset about it,” I noted.

“Well, we got plenty of time to think it through." He said calmly. "Time means somethin' different to 'em than it does _you_ , or even me. They count years the way ya count days. I wouldn’t be surprised if ya thirty before ya crossed their minds again,” he added lightly.

Horror washed through me.

Thirty.

Fucking _thirty_?!

So his promises still amounted to nothing, in the end. If I were going to turn _thirty_ someday, then he couldn’t be planning on staying long. The harsh pain of this knowledge made me realize that I’d already begun to hope, without giving myself permission to do so.

“Ya don’t gotta be afraid,” he said, anxious as he watched the tears dew up again on the rims of my eyes. "I ain't gonna let 'em hurt ya.”

“While you’re here.” Not that I cared what happened to me when he left. "And I'm not _afraid_ , you stupid… lying, vampire asshole. I'm pissed off!"

"Urgh, how many bloody times am I gonna have to tell ya?" He tactfully chose to ignore my second comment, as he took my face between his two stone hands, holding it tightly while his midnight eyes glared into mine with the gravitational force of a black hole. "I ain't _ever_ … gonna leave ya again.”

“But you said fucking _thirty!_ ” I whispered furiously. The tears leaked over the edge. "What? You’re going to stay just as gorgeous and perfect as you are, but let me get all old anyway? Ha… _right_.”

His eyes softened, while his mouth went hard. "That’s exactly what I’m gonna do. What choice've I got? I can't be without ya, but I _won't_ destroy ya soul, Taylor.”

“Is this really...” I tried to keep my voice even, but this question was too hard. I remembered his face when Everett had almost begged him to consider making me immortal. The sick look there. Was this fixation with keeping me human really about my soul, or was it because he wasn’t sure that he wanted me around that long?

“What?” he asked, waiting for my question.

I asked a different one. Almost; but not quite, as hard.

“But what about when I get so old that people think I’m your father? Your grandfather?” My voice was pale with revulsion. I could see Pop's face again in the dream mirror. "Do you not remember us having this _exact_ conversation, when I was in the hospital? In Sunset Beach, after Rex-"

His whole face was soft now. He brushed the tears from my cheek with his lips. "That don’t mean anythin' to me,” he breathed against my skin. "Ya always gonna be the most beautiful thing in my world. 'Course...” He hesitated, flinching slightly. "If ya outgrew me, if ya wanted somethin' more… I'd understand that, Taylor. I promise I ain't gonna stand in ya way... if ya ever wanna leave me.”

His eyes were liquid onyx and utterly sincere. He spoke as if he’d put endless amounts of thought into this asinine plan.

I was disgusted by the very idea, let alone the insinuation. I thought about slapping him for it, but it would only earn me a sore hand, so it seemed kind of pointless. “You do realize that I’ll die eventually, right?” I demanded.

He’d thought about this part, too. "I’ll follow after... soon as I can.”

“That is seriously...” I looked for the right word. "Disgusting.”

“Taylor, it’s the only _right_ way left...”

“Let’s just back up for a minute,” I said; feeling angry made it so much easier to be clear, decisive. "You _do_ remember the Volturi, right? Everett sent his own goddamn _son_ to make sure this actually happens? That I actually change?" I demanded, scowling at him in disbelief. "I _can’t_ stay human forever. They’ll kill me. They'll kill _you_ . Hell, they'll probably kill Mike, Grace and everyone else too, just for kicks... Even if they don’t think of me until I'm fucking _thirty..._ ” I hissed the word. "Do you _really_ think they’ll forget?”

“Nah,” he answered slowly, shaking his head. "They won’t forget. But...”

“But?”

He grinned while I stared at him warily. Maybe I wasn’t the only crazy one.

“I got a few plans.”

“And these plans,” I said, my voice getting more acidic with each word. "These plans all center around me... _staying_ human.”

My attitude hardened his expression. "'Course.” His tone was brusque, his divine face arrogant.

We glowered at each other for a long minute.

Then I took a deep breath, squared my shoulders, I pushed his arms away so that I could sit up.

“D'ya want me to leave?” he asked, and it made my heart flutter to see that this idea hurt him, though he tried not to show it.

“No, but you can do what you like. You always do.” I told him scathingly. " _I_ _’m_ leaving.”

He watched me suspiciously as I climbed out of the bed and fumbled around in the dark room, looking for my shoes.

“Can I ask where ya think ya goin'.” He asked.

“I’m going to your house,” I told him blithely, still feeling around blindly.

He got up and came to my side. "Here's ya shoes. How d'ya plan on gettin' there?”

“My truck.” I said, shrugging nonchalantly.

“'S probably gonna wake Scott,” he offered as a deterrent.

I sighed. "I know. But honestly, he's going to be mad at me for weeks as it is. How much more trouble can I really get in?”

“None." He said, frowning at me grimly. "He’ll blame me, not you.”

"Ha, maybe I should be naughty more often then… if I'm gonna have a scapegoat." I snorted, winking as I glanced over at his petulant scowl with feigned innocence. “If you have a better idea, I’m all ears.”

“Stay here,” he suggested, but his expression wasn’t hopeful.

“No dice." I sad flippantly. "But you go ahead and make yourself at home, Top Gun.” I encouraged, surprised at how natural my teasing sounded, as I headed for the door.

He was there before me, blocking my way.

I frowned, and turned for the window. It wasn’t really that far to the ground, and it was mostly grass beneath...

“Alright, already,” he sighed. "I’ll give ya a ride.”

I shrugged. "Either way. But you probably _should_ be there too, I guess.”

“And why's that?” He demanded, scowling with suspicion.

“Because you’re extraordinarily opinionated," I scoffed, grinning as I touched my finger to the end of his nose playfully. "And I’m sure you’ll want a chance to air your views.”

“My views on _what_?” He asked through his teeth.

“This isn’t just about _you_ anymore, Jake. You’re not the center of the universe, you know.” My own personal universe was, of course, a different story. "If you’re going to bring the Volturi down on us; over something as _stupid_ as leaving me human, then your family ought to have a say.”

“A say in _what_?” he repeated, each word distinct.

“My mortality." I said simply. "I’m putting it to a vote.”


	24. Proposals

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooooh; i hope you all enjoy!!!
> 
> x Our love to you all x

**Proposals**

He was not pleased, that much was easy to read in his face. But, without further argument, he took me in his arms and sprang lithely from my window, landing without the slightest jolt, like a true wolf. It was a little bit farther down than I’d imagined.

“Alrighty then,” he said, his voice seething with disapproval. "Up ya go.”

He helped me onto his back, then took off running. Even after all this time, it felt routine. Easy. Evidently this was something you never forgot, like riding a bicycle. I was immensely pleased he couldn't hear my thoughts right then, because I knew he never would have let me hear the end of it if he knew just how much I preferred the thought of riding Jake.

It was so very quiet and dark as he ran through the forest, his breathing slow and even as always. Dark enough that the trees flying past us were nearly invisible, and only the rush of air in my face truly gave away our speed. It was better than anything I'd tried to stimulate my delusions with. The air was damp; it didn’t burn my eyes the way the wind in the big plaza had, and that was comforting. As was the night, too, after that terrifying brightness. Like the thick quilt I’d played under as a child, the dark felt familiar and protecting.

I remembered that running through the forest like this used to overstimulate me, that I used to have to close my eyes. It seemed such a silly reaction to me now. I kept my eyes wide, my chin resting on his shoulder, my cheek against his neck. The speed was exhilarating, glorious and perfect. A hundred times better than my motorcycle.

I turned my face toward him and pressed my lips into the cold stone skin of his neck.

“Thanks,” he said, as the vague, black shapes of trees raced past us. "Does that mean ya decided ya awake?”

I laughed. The sound was easy, natural and effortless. It sounded right. "Not really. More that, either way, I’m not trying to wake up. Not for tonight at least… I'm going to just enjoy you, while you're here.”

He laughed quietly, but then sighed. “I’ll earn ya trust back somehow, Boy Scout.” He murmured, mostly to himself. "If it’s my final damn act.”

“I trust you,” I assured him, though I decided not to mention his awful track record with his promises to me. "It’s _me_ I don’t trust.”

“Explain that.” He said after a moments pause. He’d slowed to a walk, I could only tell because the wind ceased; and I guessed that we weren’t far from the house. In fact, I thought I could make out the sound of the river rushing somewhere close by in the darkness.

“Well...” I struggled to find the right way to phrase it. "I don’t trust myself to be... enough. To deserve you. There’s nothing about me that could hold you.”

He stopped and reached around to pull me from his back. His gentle hands did not release me; even after he’d set me on my feet again. Instead he wrapped his arms tightly around me, hugging me to his chest.

“Ya hold is permanent and unbreakable,” he whispered. "Never doubt that.”

But how could I not?

“Ya never did tell me...” he murmured.

“What?”

“What ya greatest problem is.”

“I’ll give you one guess.” I sighed, and reached up to touch the tip of his nose with my index finger.

He nodded. " _I’m_ worse than the Volturi,” he said grimly. "I guess I earned that.”

I rolled my eyes. "Jake… the worst the Volturi can do is kill me.”

He waited with tense eyes.

“You can _leave_ me,” I explained. "The Volturi, Jeanine... they’re _nothing_ compared to that.”

Even in the darkness, I could see the anguish twist his face. It reminded me of his expression under Harley's torturing gaze; I felt sick, and regretted speaking the truth.

“Don’t,” I whispered, touching his face. "Don’t be sad, please.”

He pulled one corner of his mouth up halfheartedly, but the expression didn’t touch his eyes. "If only there were some way to make ya see… I _can’t_ leave ya,” he whispered. "Time, I s'pose, is gonna be the way to convince ya.”

I liked the idea of time. My heart fluttered, and I smiled. "Okay,” I agreed.

His face was still tormented. I tried to distract him with inconsequentials.

“So…" I began, rocking toward him on the balls of my feet. "Since you’re staying. Can I have my stuff back?” I asked, making my tone as light as I could manage.

My attempt worked, to an extent: he laughed. But his eyes retained the misery. "Ya things weren't ever gone,” he told me. "I knew it 's wrong, since I promised ya peace without reminders. 'S stupid and childish, but I wanted to leave somethin' of me with ya. The CD, pictures, tickets… they’re all under ya floorboards.”

“Really?” I beamed, my heart leaping into my throat.

He nodded, seeming slightly cheered by my obvious pleasure in this trivial fact. It wasn’t enough to heal the pain in his face completely though.

“I think,” I said slowly, thoughtful as I felt a small tug of awareness in the back of my mind. “I’m not sure, but I wonder... I think _maybe_ I knew it the whole time.”

“What'd ya know?”

I only wanted to take away the agony in his eyes, but as I spoke the words, they sounded truer than I expected they would.

“Some part of me, my subconscious maybe, never stopped believing that you still cared whether I lived or died. That’s probably why I was hearing the voices.”

There was a very deep silence for a moment. "Voices?” He asked flatly.

“Well, just one voice. Yours. It’s a _long_ story.”

The wary look on his face made me wish that I hadn’t brought that up. Would he think I was crazy, like everyone else? Was everyone else right about that? But at least that expression; the one that made him look like something was burning him, faded.

“I got time.” His voice was unnaturally even.

“It’s... pretty pathetic.” I hedged.

He waited.

I wasn’t sure how to explain. "Do you remember what Quinn said… about extreme sports?”

He spoke the words without inflection or emphasis. "Ya jumped off a damn cliff for fun.”

“Er, right. And before that, with the motorcycle...”

“Motorcycle?” he asked. I knew his voice well enough to hear something brewing behind the calm.

“Oh…" I bit my lip to contain my guilty grin. "I guess I didn’t tell Quinn about that part.”

“No.”

“Well, about that... See, I found that... when I was doing something dangerous or stupid... I could remember you more clearly,” I confessed, feeling like a naughty child. "I could remember how your voice sounded when you were angry. I could hear it, like you were standing right there next to me. Mostly I tried not to think about you, because then the gaping hole in my chest would just _boom!_ Totally destroy me and all... but this didn’t hurt so much; it was like you were protecting me again. Like… you didn’t want me to be hurt." I explained quickly, averting my eyes from his gorgeous, scruffy face as anger began to build behind his dark eyes. “And, well, I wonder if the reason I could hear you so clearly was because, underneath it all. I always knew that you hadn’t stopped loving me.”

Again, as I spoke, the words brought with them a sense of conviction. Of rightness. Some deep place inside me recognized truth.

His words came out half-strangled. "Ya... _kept_... riskin' ya life... to hear...”

“Shh,” I interrupted him. "Hold onto your telling me off for a second... I think I’m having an epiphany here.”

I thought of that night in Port Royale when I had my first delusion. I’d come up with two options. Insanity or wish fulfillment. I’d seen no third option.

But what if...

What if you sincerely believed something was true, but you were dead wrong? What if you were so stubbornly sure that you were right, that you wouldn’t even consider the truth? Would the truth be silenced, or would it try to break through?

Option three: Jake loved me. The bond forged between us was not one that could be broken by absence, distance, or time. And no matter how much more special or beautiful or brilliant or perfect than me he might be, he was as irreversibly altered as I was. As I would always belong to him; so too, would he always be mine.

Was _that_ what I’d been trying to tell myself?

“Oh..!”

“Taylor?”

“Oh. Okay. I see.”

“Ya epiphany?” He asked, his voice uneven and strained.

“You _love_ me,” I marveled. The sense of conviction and Tightness washed through me again.

Though his eyes were still anxious, the crooked smile I loved best flashed across his face. "Ya damn right, I do.”

My heart inflated like it was going to crack right through my ribs. It filled my chest and blocked my throat so that I could not speak.

He really did want me the way I wanted him… forever. It was _only_ that stupid fear for my soul, for the human things he didn’t want to take from me, that made him so desperate to leave me mortal. Compared to the fear that he didn’t want me, this hurdle; my soul, seemed almost insignificant.

He took my face tightly between his cool hands and kissed me until I was so dizzy the forest was spinning. Then he leaned his forehead against mine, and I was not the only one breathing harder than usual.

“Ya were better at it'n I was, ya know,” he told me absently.

“Better at what?”

“Survivin'. _You_ , at least, made an effort. _You_ got up in the mornin', tried to be normal for Scott, followed the pattern of ya life. When I weren’t actively trackin', I was... well and truly useless. I couldn’t be 'round my family. I couldn’t be 'round anyone. 'S embarrassin' to admit… but I more or less drank myself stupid, curled up in a ball and let the misery have me.” He grinned, sheepish as I blinked in surprise; recalling what Quinn had told Scott about Jake falling back into alcohol. Huh, how strange. "Was much more pathetic than hearin' voices. Though, 'course, ya know I do that, anyway.”

I was deeply relieved that he really seemed to understand; comforted that this all made sense to him. At any rate, he wasn’t looking at me like I was crazy. He was looking at me like... he loved me.

“I only heard _one_ voice,” I corrected him.

He laughed and then pulled me tight against his right side and started to lead me forward.

“I’m just humorin' ya with this.” He motioned broadly with his hand toward the darkness in front of us as we walked. There was something pale and immense there; the house, I realized. "It don’t matter in the slightest what the hell they say.”

“This affects them now, too.”

He shrugged indifferently.

He led me through the open front door into the dark house and flipped the lights on. The room was just as I’d remembered it; the piano and the guitar, the white couches and the pale, massive staircase. No dust, no white sheets.

Jake called out the names with no more volume than I’d use in regular conversation. "Mike? Grace? Zahra? Craig? Kele? Quinn? Uh, Al?” They would hear.

Mike was suddenly standing beside me, as if he’d been there all along. "Welcome back, Kid.” He winked and grinned. "What can we do for ya this mornin'? I imagine, given the hour'n all, that it ain't a purely social visit?”

I nodded. "I’d like to talk to everyone… at once, if that’s okay. About something important.”

I couldn’t help glancing up at Jake’s face as I spoke. His expression was critical, but resigned. When I looked back to Mike, he was looking at Jake, too.

“'Course,” Mike said. "Why don’t we pow wow in the other room?”

Mike led the way through the bright living room, around the corner to the dining room, turning on lights as he went. The walls were white, the ceilings high, like the living room. In the center of the room, under the low-hanging chandelier, was a large, polished oval table surrounded by eight chairs. Mike held out a chair for me at the head.

I’d never seen the Darwin's use the dining room table before; it was just a prop. They didn’t eat in the house.

As soon as I turned to sit in the chair, I saw that we were not alone. Grace had followed Jake, and behind her the rest of the family filed in.

Mike sat down on my right, and Jake on my left. Everyone else took their seats in silence. Quinn was grinning at me, already in on the plot. Craig and Kele looked curious, and Zahra flashed a brief grin at me awkwardly. My answering smile was just as awkward. That was going to take some getting used to. 

Aleister strolled in last, his hand flicking out almost absently to thwack Jake around the ear. "Do _not_ call me, Al."

Jake scowled as he rubbed the back of his head, his eyes on Aleister as he took a seat beside Grace.

Mike nodded toward me. "Floor's _yours,_ Kid.”

I swallowed. Their gazing eyes made me nervous. Jake took my hand under the table. I peeked at him, but he was watching the others, his fate suddenly fierce.

“Well,” I paused. "I’m hoping Quinn has already told you everything that happened in Volterra?”

“Everything,” Quinn assured me.

I threw her a meaningful look. "And on the way?”

“That, too,” she nodded.

“Good,” I sighed with relief. "Then we’re all on the same page.”

They waited patiently while I tried to order my thoughts.

“So, I have a problem,” I began. "Quinn promised the Volturi that I would become one of you. They’re going to send someone to check, and I’m sure that’s a bad thing… something to avoid.” I said, noting several small nods around the table; as Aleister watched me curiously.

“And so, now, this involves all of _you._ I’m sorry about that.” I looked at each one of their beautiful faces, saving the most beautiful for last. Jake’s mouth was turned down into a grimace. “But... if you don’t want me; then I’m not going to force myself on you, whether Quinn is willing or not.”

Grace opened her mouth to speak, but I held up one finger to stop her.

“Please, let me finish.” I pleaded; and she closed her mouth again as she nodded. I sighed thoughtfully, biting my lip as I narrowed my eyes. “You all know what I want. And I’m _sure_ you know what Jake thinks, too. He’s made his feelings clear on the subject.” I snarked, glancing at him in exasperation. “I think, the only fair way to decide is for everyone to have a vote. If you decide you don’t want me, then... I guess I’ll go back to Italy alone. I _can’t_ have them coming here.”

My forehead creased as I considered that. There was the faint rumble of a growl in Jake’s chest. I ignored him.

“Taking into account, then, that I refuse to put any of you in danger either way; I want you to vote yes or no, on the issue of me becoming a vampire.” I half-smiled on the last word, and gestured toward Mike to begin.

“Just a second,” Jake interrupted.

I glared at him through narrowed eyes. He raised his eyebrows at me, squeezing my hand.

“I got somethin’ to add 'fore we vote.”

I sighed.

“‘Bout the danger Taylor’s referrin’ to,” he continued. “I don’t think we need to be overly concerned.” His expression became more animated. He put his free hand on the shining table and leaned forward.

“Ya see,” he explained, looking around the table while he spoke, “there’s more’n one reason I didn’t wanna shake Rourke’s hand there, at the end. There’s somethin’ they didn’t think of... and I didn’t wanna clue ‘em in.” He grinned.

“Which was?” Quinn prodded. I was sure my expression was just as skeptical as hers.

“The Volturi're overconfident; and with good reason. When they decide to find someone, ’s not really a problem. D’ya remember Ralston?” He glanced down at me.

I shuddered. He took that as a yes.

“He finds people… ’s his talent, why they keep him.” He said, his expression growing more and more smug as he progressed. “Now, the whole time we were with any of ‘em, I was pickin’ their brains for anythin’ that might save us; gettin’ as much information as possible. So I saw how Ralston’s talent works. He’s a tracker… a tracker a thousand times more gifted than Rex was. His ability is loosely related to what I do, or what Rourke does. He catches the... flavor? I don’t know how to describe it... the tenor... of someone’s mind, and he follows that. It works over immense distances.” He said, grinning as he looked around the table proudly.

“But, after Rourke’s little experiments, well...” Jake shrugged.

“You think he won’t be able to find me,” I said flatly.

He was insufferably smug. “I’m sure of it. He relies totally on his other sense. When it don’t work with _you,_ they’ll be blind.”

“And how does that solve anything?”

“Obviously, Quinn’ll be able to tell when they’re plannin’ a visit, and I’ll hide ya. They’ll be helpless,” he said with fierce enjoyment. “It’ll be like lookin’ for a piece of straw in a haystack!”

He and Craig exchanged a glance and a smirk.

This made no sense. “But they can find _you_ ,” I reminded him.

“And I can take care of myself.”

Craig laughed, and reached across the table toward him, extending a fist.

“Excellent plan, brah,” he said with enthusiasm.

Jake stretched out his arm to smack Craig’s fist with his own.

“No,” Zahra hissed.

“Absolutely not,” I agreed.

“Nice.” Kele’s voice was appreciative.

“Idiots,” Quinn muttered.

Grace just glared at Jake.

“How remarkable.” Aleister mused, shaking his head as he looked at the table distractedly. “I spent almost four decades working alongside Tetra, about a century ago; and not even _he_ came up with a plan so half cocked and idiotic… and he ate rocks to sharpen his teeth.” He sighed, rolling his eyes as he levelled a disparaging look in my direction. “Are you really sure you want to spend eternity with him?”

I hid my grin behind my hand as I glanced at Jake, who was scowling at Aleister irritably; clearly having been counting on his support.

“What the hell makes ya think ’s a dumb idea?” He demanded, his free hand clenched into a tight fist above the table. “Ya oughta know better’n anyone—”

“You’re right, I do know.” Aleister said quietly, looking over at Jake calmly. “I know that the second they can’t find Taylor; they’ll lock Ralston onto you, and if they can’t get to _you_ either, they’ll him lock onto someone else at this table.” He said, gesturing around the table as Jake blinked, visibly taken aback by the declaration. “Are you prepared to _all_ live the rest of your lives on the run? There will be no stopping in any one place for so much as a day, you’ll never be together again, never be able to rest.” He explained, spreading his palms. “It’s up to you of course, but your way of life as you currently know it would be over. You’d never get the chance to enjoy your uh, _vegetarian_ diet again.”

Jake frowned, glancing at me and seeming to consider for a long moment. He grimaced, but refused to comment on the unravelling of his plan.

I straightened up in my chair, focusing. This was my meeting; and I was fairly certain Aleister had just swung it mostly in my favour. I tried not to be too smug about that.

“All right, then. Jake has offered an alternative for you to consider,” I said coolly. “Let’s vote.”

I looked toward Jake this time; it would be better to get his opinion out of the way. “Do you want me to join your family?”

His eyes were hard and black as flint. “Not _that_ way. Ya stayin’ human.”

I nodded once, stuck my tongue out at him, and then moved on.

“Quinn?”

“Yes.”

“Kele?”

“Yes,” he said, voice grave. I was a little surprised; I hadn’t been at all sure of his vote, but I suppressed my reaction as best I could. Kele felt my surprise anyway of course, and he smiled shyly at me. “It would be nice… _not_ to want to kill you all the time.”

I couldn't help cracking a smile, then.

“Zahra?”

She hesitated, scowling down at the table before her. "No.”

I kept my face blank and turned my head slightly to move on, but she held up both her hands, palms forward.

“Let me explain,” she said as she looked up, her dark brown eyes finding mine across the table. “I don’t mean that I’ve got anything against having you as some distant cousin or in law, or whatever bullshit Mike comes up with.” She said, rolling her eyes as her lips quirked briefly at Mike’s snort of laughter. “It’s just... this isn’t the life I would have exactly _chosen_ for myself; not that it isn’t badass and all…” She conceded, before sighing and shaking her head irritably. “All I mean is… I wish there had been someone there to vote no for me.”

I nodded slowly, and then turned to Craig.

“Chyeah, bro!” He grinned. “We can find some other way to pick a fight with this Ralston asshole.”

I was still trying to fight my grin at that, when I looked at Grace.

“Yes, of course, Taylor. I already think of you as part of my family.” She said earnestly, smiling warmly at me.

“Thank you, Grace,” I murmured as I glanced at Aleister and raised a brow.

“Oh, uh…” he coughed awkwardly, glancing around the table with obvious uncertainty. “I think perhaps it prudent for me to abstain. I’m not really—”

“Ya been rumbustincatin’ with Short Stuff over there, Draco; that makes ya an honorary Darwin.” Mike snorted, as Grace scowled over at him.

“Huh?” Craig frowned, looking at Mike in confusion.

“Ya know… _roastin’ the broomstick._ ”

“Brah, what have broomsticks got to do with this?”

“Puttin’ ranch dressin’ in the Hidden Valley…”

“Dude, you’re not makin’ any sense.”

I felt Jake laughing silently beside me. I knew I should stop Mike, but I was too morbidly fascinated by his lewd suggestions; just as much as I was by Craig’s innocent frown of confusion.

“Puddle snugglin’...”

“Dude, there aren’t any puddles in here.”

“Plantin’ the parsnip.”

“But, we don’t eat...”

“Doin’ the pants off, dance off.”

"Who's dancing, where?"

Quinn was covering her mouth with her hand; trying so hard not to laugh as Grace’s scowl darkened, her eyes blazing as Mike obliviously watched Zahra bang the table with her fist as she laughed silently.

“Parallel parkin’.”

“Grace can already drive, she doesn’t need him to teach her…”

“Oscillatin’ the unmentionables.”

“Brah, I’m pretty sure that was a film with Sean Connery.”

“Openin’ the gates of Mordor…”

“Dude, there’s nothing wrong with binging good films!”

“Havin’ horizontal refreshments.”

“Ey! Sometimes people just wanna lie down while they eat; it ain’t a big deal!”

“Hittin’ a home run.”

“Aw man, you guys played baseball without me?”

“Disappointin’ the wife.”

“Dude, you’re married?!”

Aleister rolled his eyes, apparently more amused by the exchange than Grace; judging by the small curve of his lips as Grace’s furious scowl continued to darken.

“Buzzin’ the brillo.”

“Huh?”

“Bandicootin’.”

“Aw brah, I loved that game.”

“Doin’ the dipsy doodle.”

“Grace is drawing again?”

“Tamin’ the strange…”

“Dude, _you’re_ strange, right now.”

“Stuffin’ the muffin.”

“Wha—?”

“Sweepin’ the chimney.”

“We don’t have chimneys…”

“Shampooin’ the wookie—”

“Michael James Darwin,” Grace thundered abruptly, the walls trembling as her eyes narrowed at Mike, who blinked and looked over at her in surprise; as if he’d forgotten she was there. “Shut your vulgar mouth, _right now._ ” She demanded, the floor rumbling beneath us all briefly, before she flashed her teeth at Mike in a hiss; and then looked away.

“Well, geez, Shorty… ya could’ve just _asked.”_ Mike huffed, rolling his eyes as I shook my head; ignoring Jake’s strained wheezing beside me. “I was just sayin’, seein’ as ya _together_ now; that make’s him a part of the family… that and, ya know, runnin’ out on his Pa and the rest of the Volturi…” he added dismissively.

 _“Ooooh..!”_ Craig laughed, his eyes brightening as he realized what Mike had been talking about all along. “I get it…” he trailed off into childish snorts, as I shook my head in disbelief.

“That… was probably the most disturbing and fascinating thing I’ve ever seen.” I murmured, blinking dazedly as I shook my head, before looking back at Aleister. “But anyway… the point, before Mike got so distracted, was that you get to vote too.”

Aleister narrowed his eyes at me briefly, glancing around the table, before inclining his head toward me. “I believe you’ll make a rather remarkable immortal.” He said quietly, a small smile touching his lips.

Finally, I turned toward Mike.

I was nervous, wishing I had asked for his vote first like I originally intended. I was sure that this was the vote that mattered most, the vote that counted more than any majority. The vote of the head of the family. The one who had made them all… in a way.

Mike wasn’t looking at me.

“Jake,” he said seriously. It was almost impossible to imagine he’d just been behaving so foolishly.

“ _No_.” Jake growled. His jaw was strained tight, his lips curled back from his teeth.

“‘S the only way that makes sense,” Mike insisted. “Ya’ve chosen not to live without him, and that don’t leave _me_ no other choice.”

Jake dropped my hand, shoving away from the table. He stalked out of the room, snarling under his breath.

“Guess ya know my vote.” Mike snorted.

I was still staring after Jake. “Thanks,” I mumbled.

An earsplitting, somewhat musical crash echoed from the other room. Grace’s eyes were abruptly furious, and she was on her feet in the blink of an eye. “ _Jacob Lucas McKenzie!_ ” Her voice made the walls shake violently around us all. “ _That was a gift from Frederick Chopin!_ ” She snarled, disappearing from the table abruptly.

There were sounds of surprise from the other room, of scuffling and a grunt of pain and he twang of guitar strings; before Aleister sighed and swept out of the room after Grace.

I flinched, and spoke quickly, hoping to go and check on Jake. “Uh, that’s all I needed... thanks. For wanting to keep me. I feel exactly the same way about all of you, too.” My voice was jagged with emotion by the end.

Quinn was at my side in a flash, her cold arms around me.

“Oh! Taylor,” she breathed.

I hugged her back. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Zahra looking down at the table, and I realized that my words could be construed in two ways.

“Well, Quinn,” I said when she released me. “Where do you want to do this?”

Quinn stared down at me in surprise, her eyes widening with terror.

“No! No! _No_!” Jake roared, charging back into the room. He was in my face before I had time to blink, bending over me, his expression twisted in rage. “Are ya fuckin’ _insane_?” he shouted. “Have ya utterly lost ya goddamn mind?”

I cringed away, my hands over my ears. “No! And I’m not bloody well _deaf_ either, Top Gun!” I snapped, frowning at the faint mark on his cheek and his messier than usual hair.

“Um, Taylor,” Quinn interjected in an anxious voice, backing away with her palms raised to me. “I don’t think I’m ready for that. I’ll… I’ll need to prepare.”

“You _promised_ ,” I reminded her, pouting at her under Jake’s arm.

What was it with vampires always breaking their damn promises to me?

“I know! But... _seriously_ , Taylor! I don’t have any idea how to _not_ kill you.” She said in a rush, her wide eyes terrified at the very prospect.

“You can do it,” I encouraged with an easy grin. “I trust you.”

Jake snarled in fury.

Quinn shook her head quickly, looking panicked.

I frowned, before gritting my teeth and hissing out a deep breath. “Mike?” I turned to look at him.

Jake grabbed my face in his hand, forcing me to look at him. His other hand was out, palm toward Mike.

Mike ignored that. “I can do it,” he answered easily. I wished I could see his expression. “Ya’d be in no danger of me losin’ control.”

“Sounds good.” I hoped he could understand; it was hard to talk clearly the way Jake held my jaw.

“Hold on, already...” Jake said between his teeth. “It don’t have to be _now_.”

“There’s no reason for it _not_ to be now,” I said, the words coming out distorted.

“I can think of a few.”

“Of course you can,” I said sourly, rolling my eyes. “Can you let go of me? This is insanely uncomfortable.”

He freed my face, and folded his arms across his chest. “In ‘bout two hours, Scott’ll be here lookin’ for ya. I wouldn’t put it past him to involve the cops.”

“All three of them.” I scoffed, but I frowned.

This was always going to be the hardest part. Scott, Julia, Jordan. Now Diego, too. The people I would lose, the people I would hurt. I wished there was some way that I could be the only one to suffer, but I knew that was impossible.

At the same time, I was hurting them more by staying human. Putting Scott in constant danger through my proximity. Putting Diego in worse danger still by drawing his enemies across the land he felt bound to protect; even putting him at odds with his pack now, too. As for Jordan, and Julia… I couldn’t even risk a visit to see them for fear of bringing my deadly problems along with me!

I was a danger magnet; I’d accepted that about myself.

Accepting this, I knew I needed to be able to take care of myself and protect the ones I loved; even if that meant that I couldn’t be with them. I needed to be strong.

“In the interest of remainin’ _inconspicuous_ ,” Jake said, still talking through his gritted teeth, but looking at Mike now, “I suggest we put this conversation off, at the very least ‘til Taylor finishes college, and moves outta Scott’s house.”

“'S a reasonable request, Taylor,” Mike pointed out.

I thought about Scott’s reaction when he woke up this morning, if… after all that life had put him through in the last week with Charlie’s loss, and then I had put him through with my unexplained disappearance, he were to find my bed empty. Scott deserved better than that. It was just a little more time; the end of my courses weren’t so far away.

I pursed my lips. “I’ll... _consider_ it.”

Jake relaxed. His jaw unclenched.

“I probably oughta take ya home,” he said, more calm now, but clearly in a hurry to get me out of here. “Just in case Scott wakes up early.”

“Wait.” Quinn said, relaxed again now she was off the hook for my transformation. I pouted at her. “Stop looking at me like that, Taylor. There’s one other thing we need to discuss; and it’s especially poignant, now that we’re all decided that you’ll be one of us.”

I raised a brow, glancing at Jake as he frowned over at Quinn for a moment, before his expression darkened, his arm curling around and drawing me closer against him. “Um..?” I blinked, glancing around curiously.

“If we do this, you’re going to be one of us; going to be family.” Quinn said, her eyes intent on mine, her expression unusually hard. “I need you to give up any and all, _insane_ ideas about turning yourself into some sort of martyr.” She said firmly, as I bit my lip and lowered my eyes. “You have to give up every _stupid_ plan you’ve had, about giving yourself up to Jeanine. You let us protect you now; so we can all protect each other, when you join us.”

I sighed, glancing around the room reluctantly and noting the various expressions of surprise and disapproval. “Urgh, fine…” I finally conceded, scowling over at her petulantly. “But if any of you get hurt, I’m going to kick your asses as soon as I’m strong enough.” I grumbled.

Quinn closed her eyes briefly, her expression blank for a long pause, before she broke out in a wide smile and opened her eyes to beam at me. “He means it.” She said smugly, winking at Jake.

I scoffed in disgust, rolling my eyes as I turned to look at Mike. “After college, then?”

“Ya got my word, Kiddo.”

I took a deep breath, sniffed, and turned back to Jake. “Fine... You can take me home now.”

Jake picked me up and rushed me out of the house before Mike could promise me anything else. He took me out the back, so I didn’t get to see what was broken in the living room; though I could guess from Grace’s reaction. I was half certain he’d actually left through the back to avoid her.

It was a quiet trip home. I was feeling triumphant, and a little smug. Scared stiff, too; and vaguely frustrated by Quinn’s intervention, of course, but I tried not to think about those parts. It did me no good to worry about the pain; the physical or the emotional, so I wouldn’t. Not until I absolutely had to.

When we got to my house, Jake didn’t pause. He dashed up the wall and through my window in half a second. Then he pulled my arms from around his neck and set me gently on the edge of the bed.

I thought I had a pretty good idea of what he was thinking, but his expression surprised me. Instead of furious, it was calculating. He paced silently back and forth across my dark room while I watched with growing suspicion.

“Whatever you’re planning, it’s not going to work,” I told him.

“Shut up. I’m thinkin'.”

“Ugh,” I groaned, throwing myself back on the bed and pulling the quilt over my head.

There was no sound, but suddenly he was there. He flipped the cover back so he could see me. He was lying next to me. His hand reached up to brush my hair from my forehead.

“If ya don’t mind, I’d much rather ya didn’t hide ya face. I lived without it for as long as I can stand. Now... tell me somethin'.”

“What?” I asked, unwilling.

“If ya could have anythin' in the world, anythin' at all, what'd it be?”

I could feel the skepticism in my eyes. "You.”

He shook his head impatiently. "Somethin' ya ain't already got.”

"To make out?" I asked unhelpfully, my brows rising at the exasperated roll of his eyes. "Urgh, alright, fine… I guess…" I wasn’t sure where he was trying to lead me, so I thought carefully before I answered. I came up with something that was both true, and also probably impossible. “I guess I would want... Mike to not to have to do it. I would want _you_ to change me.”

I watched his reaction warily, expecting more of the fury I’d seen at his house. I was surprised that his expression didn’t change. It was still calculating, thoughtful.

“What'd ya be willin' to trade for that?”

I couldn’t believe my ears. I gawked at his composed face and blurted out the answer before I could think about it.

“Anything.”

He smiled faintly, and then pursed his lips. "Five years?”

My face twisted into an expression somewhere between chagrin and exasperation.

“You said anything,” he reminded me. "Plus, ya'd be the same age as me then. Forever." Goddamn the gorgeous bastard, he knew what I wanted already. I refused to give in so easily.

“Yes, but... you’ll use the time to find a way out of it. I have to strike while the iron is hot. Besides, it’s just too dangerous to be human… for me, at least. So, anything but that.”

He frowned. "Three years?”

“No!”

“Ain’t it worth anythin' to ya at all? ”

I thought about how much I wanted this. Better to keep a poker face, I decided, and not let him know how very much that was. It would give me more leverage. "Six months?”

He rolled his eyes. "Not good enough.”

“One year, then,” I said. "That’s my limit.”

“At least gimme two.”

“Not a chance, Top Gun. I want to be your young and sexy lover, who you led astray, forever." I snorted at the brief look of shock which crossed his face; before he rolled his eyes and laughed quietly. "Jake... I want to stay as close to the age I met you as possible. It's just… something I need.” I admitted lowly, my eyes on my fingers as I toyed with the collar of his jacket.

He considered that for a minute. "Alright. Forget time limits. If ya want me to be the one… then ya just gotta meet _one_ condition.”

“Condition?” My voice went flat. "What _condition_?”

His eyes were cautious... he spoke slowly. "Marry me first.”

I stared at him, waiting. “Okay... What’s the punch line?”

He sighed. "Ya bruisin' my ego here, Taylor. I just proposed to ya, and ya think it’s a damn joke.”

“Jake, please… be serious.”

“I'm a hundred percent serious.” He gazed at me with no hint of humor in his face.

“Oh, c’mon,” I said, an edge of unease in my voice. "I’m only twenty one.” I mumbled, frowning as I thought of my mother; and all her various warnings to both me and Jordan as we grew up. I was in enough trouble with Scott; and probably soon her too, without dropping an engagement bomb.

“Well, I’m nearly a hundred and thirty. It’s time I settled down.”

I looked away, out the dark window, trying to control the confusion before it gave me away.

“Look, marriage isn’t exactly that high on my list of priorities, you know? It was sort of the kiss of death for Julia and Scott.”

“Interestin' choice of words.”

“You know what I mean.”

He inhaled deeply. "Please, don’t tell me that ya 'fraid of the commitment,” his voice was disbelieving, and I understood what he meant.

“That’s not it exactly,” I hedged. "I’m... afraid of Julia. She has some really intense opinions on getting married before you’re thirty.”

“'Cause she’d rather ya became one of the eternal damned than get married.” He laughed darkly.

“ _You_ think you’re joking.”

“Taylor, if ya compare the level of commitment between a marital union as opposed to bartering ya soul in exchange for eternity as a vampire...” He shook his head. "If ya ain't brave enough to marry me, then...”

“Well,” I interrupted. "What if I did? What if I told you to take me to Vegas, right now? Would I be a vampire in three days?”

He smiled, his teeth flashing in the dark. "Sure,” he said, calling my bluff. "I’ll get my car.”

I paused at that, wondering if he actually meant it after all. I mean, we were already talking about an eternal commitment; would marriage really be such a big deal in comparison. It wasn't like this was some rash thing we would regret in a year or two. At least, I knew I wouldn't.

“Dammit.” I muttered, shaking my head. My doubts nibbled at the edge of my thoughts again; Julia's very vocal opinions on marriage ringing in my ears. "I’ll give you eighteen months.”

“No deal,” he said, grinning. "I like _this_ condition.”

“Fine. I’ll have Mike do it when I finish college.”

“If that’s what ya really want.” He shrugged, and his smile became absolutely angelic.

“You’re impossible,” I groaned. "A monster.”

He chuckled. "That why ya won’t marry me?”

I groaned again.

He leaned toward me; his night-dark eyes melted and smoldered and shattered my concentration. "Please, Taylor?” he breathed.

I forgot how to breathe for a moment. When I recovered, I shook my head quickly, trying to clear my suddenly clouded mind.

“Would this've gone better if I had time to get a ring?”

“No! No rings!” I yelped, in fact, very nearly shouted.

“Now ya went and done it,” he whispered.

“Oops.”

“Scott’s gettin' up; I better leave,” Jake said with resignation.

My heart stopped beating.

He gauged my expression for a second. "Would it be childish of me to hide in ya closet, then?”

“No,” I whispered eagerly. "Stay. _Please_.”

Jake smiled and disappeared.

I seethed in the darkness as I waited for Scott to check on me. Jake knew exactly what he was doing, and I was willing to bet that all the injured surprise was part of the ploy. Of course, I still had the Mike option, but now that I knew there was a chance that Jake would change me himself, I wanted it bad. He was such a cheater. I wouldn't mind so much, if I could be sure he wouldn't change his mind as soon as I actually said yes.

My door cracked open.

“Morning, Dad.” I huffed from the bed, frowning at the ceiling.

“Oh, hey, Taylor.” He sounded embarrassed at getting caught. "I didn’t know you were awake.”

“Yeah. I’ve just been waiting for you to wake up so I could take a shower.” I started to get up.

“Hold on,” Scott said, flipping the light on. I blinked in the sudden brightness, and carefully kept my eyes away from the closet. "Let’s talk for a minute first.”

I couldn’t control my grimace. I’d forgotten to ask Quinn for a good excuse.

“You know you’re in trouble.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“I just about went crazy these last three days. I come home from Charlie’s funeral, and you’re gone. Your note said you went camping with Diego; but then Diego turns up and tells me you went alone, and that he thought you were suicidal and in trouble. You didn’t leave me a number, and you didn’t call. I didn’t know where you were or when; or _if_ , you were coming back. Do you have _any_ idea how... how...” He couldn’t finish the sentence. He sucked in a sharp breath and moved on. "Can you give me _one_ reason why I shouldn’t ship you off to New York this second?”

My eyes narrowed. So it was going to be threats, was it? Two could play at that game. I sat up, pulling the Tomt around me. "Because I won’t go.”

“Now just one minute, young man...”

“Look, Dad, I accept complete responsibility for my actions, and you have the right to be pissed at me for as long as you want. I'll do all the chores and laundry and dishes until you think I’ve learned my lesson. And I guess you’re within your rights if you want to kick me out, too… but that won’t make me to go live with Mom.”

His face turned bright red. He took a few deep breaths before he answered.

“Would you like to explain where you’ve been?”

Oh, crap. "I just… needed some time. Some space.”

He raised his eyebrows in expectation of my brilliant explanation.

I filled my cheeks with air and then blew it out noisily. "I don’t know what to tell you, Dad. I was struggling, it got out of hand. I just needed some _space_ , some time to just think clearly for once… without everyone breathing down my neck. I know,” I cut off his expected response. "I was a mess when Jake left. I know I scared you… but Jake panicking like he did, just how I did last October… it's made us realise how deep we are. You can't blame him for freaking out; this took both of us by surprise. But just look how fast he came back when Diego called him and said I was in trouble." I said, as Scott grimaced and looked away reluctantly.

He waited with a distrustful expression.

"Diego told him about me jumping off the cliff...” I was scrambling frantically to make this work, to keep it as close to the truth as possible so that my inability to lie convincingly would not undermine the excuse, but before I could go on, Scott’s expression reminded me that he didn’t know anything about the cliff.

Major oops. As if I wasn’t already toast.

“I... guess I didn’t tell you about that,” I mumbled, rolling my eyes. "It was nothing. Just messing around; recreational. Anyway, when Diego told Jake, he got very upset. Because Diego is an idiot; and he sort of, accidentally made it sound like I was trying to kill myself or something. Then of course, he told him about my getting lost in the woods and the giant wolves and all… so Jake called his family; and they all came back to help find me.” I shrugged, desperately hoping that he would not be so distracted by my slip that he’d miss the brilliant explanation I’d provided.

Scott’s face was frozen in horror, so I guessed not. " _Were_ you trying to kill yourself, Taylor?” 

“No, of course not. Just having fun. Cliff diving. The Hartfeld guys do it all the time. Like I said, it was nothing… I just, didn't _tell_ Diego about it beforehand.”

Scott’s face heated up; from frozen to tepid; confused and still angry. "What’s it to Jake McKenzie anyway?” He barked. "All this time, he’s just left you dangling without a word...” he said, as I nodded gently.

I interrupted him. "Another misunderstanding.” I didn't miss his disbelieving grimace, my eyes narrowing as my temper nipped at my patience. "People are allowed to make mistakes… but his only intention was to protect me, Dad. If the Navy _had_ called him back, and he'd been hurt; how do you think I would have reacted then?"

Scott blinked, his anger disappearing briefly beneath his surprise. "Jake was in the Navy?" He asked, a thoughtful frown blossoming on his brow as he scratched his chin.

"Sure, he was." I didn't see the need to mention it was a good century ago. "Best pilot of the decade." I added with a hint of amusement. I knew he'd get a kick out of that.

Scott mulled that over for a time, before he sighed and shook his head. "So is he back then?”

“I’m not sure what the exact plan is… I was pretty out of it when he found me. We need to meet up and talk properly. But, I think they all are.”

He shook his head again, biting his lip as he considered. On the one hand, Jake had hurt me; which to him was unforgivable anyway. But, on the other; Jake had _found_ me, which is something he'd been unable to do. Add in Jake being a pilot in the Navy, something I was aware he thought was very respect worthy; and I was confident I'd done enough to spin this whole thing in my favour. Finally, he sighed. "I want you to stay away from him, Taylor." He said as my shoulders dropped in disappointment. So much for my confidence. "I'm sorry… Navy or not, I don’t trust him. He’s rotten for you. I won’t let him mess you up like that again.”

I took a deep breath. I didn't really want to get too into it with Scott; but I needed him to remember, I was a fully functioning adult. “Okay, Dad.” I said wearily.

Scott rocked back onto his heels. "Oh.” He scrambled for a second, exhaling loudly in surprise. "I thought you were going to be difficult.”

“Welp, I guess that depends on your idea of difficult, really. By your standard? Yeah, I am.” I looked over, straight into his eyes. "I meant, Okay, Dad… I’ll move out. ‘”

His eyes bulged; his face turned pale. My resolve wavered as I started to worry about his health. He was no younger than Charlie...

“Dad, I don’t _want_ to move out,” I said in a softly, shaking my head. "I love you. I know you’re worried, but you need to trust me on this. You need to start remembering; I am twenty one. I'm not some naughty schoolboy you can ground or tell how to live, or who to hang out with. I feel what I feel, I love who I love and I am _not_ going to tell you my every action, like I'm some criminal reporting in every day… as opposed to your _son_." I said, my voice rising as my temper flared. I took a deep breath and forced myself to get a grip. "I'm sorry, Dad… but, you’re going to have to ease up on Jake if you want me to stay. Do you want me to live here or not?”

“That’s not fair, Tay-Bear. You know I want you to stay.”

“Then be nice to Jake," I pleaded gently. "Because he’s going to be where I am.” I said it with confidence. The conviction of my epiphany was still strong.

“Not under my roof,” Scott stormed.

I sighed a heavy sigh. "Well, that's your choice. But for what it's worth; this is nothing compared to what Jordan would have done, if you tried to pull this kind of parental control over _him_." I said, looking away in disappointment. "I'll start looking around for my own place then." 

"Taylor… don't be hasty." Scott replied, shaking his head and frowning, his eyes thoughtful as he considered my argument.

"Look… just think about it for a few days, okay?" I sighed, relenting slightly. "But keep in mind that Jake and I are sort of a package deal.”

“Taylor...”

“Think it over,” I insisted. "And while you’re doing that, could you give me some privacy? I really need a shower.”

Scott’s face was pained by the thought of me leaving, but he left; slamming the door behind him. I heard him stomp furiously down the stairs and head straight out to the cruiser. I guess he was really pissed.

I threw off my quilt, and Jake was already there, sitting in the rocking chair as if he’d been present through the whole conversation.

“Sorry about that,” I said with a grimace.

“Ain't as if I don’t deserve far worse,” he murmured. "Don’t start shit with ya Pa over me, Taylor, please.”

“Don’t worry about it,” I breathed as I gathered up my bathroom things and a set of clean clothes. "I will start exactly as much as is necessary, and no more than that. He needs to realise I'm not one of his deputies and I'm not a child anymore." I explained. "Or are you trying to tell me I have nowhere to go?” I cocked my hip and widened my eyes with false alarm.

“Ya’d move into a house full of vampires?” He asked with disapproval, though I was pleased to not that his eyes were on my hips.

“That’s probably the safest place for someone like me. Besides...” I grinned. "If Scott kicks me out, then there’s no need for that pesky, 'end of college' deadline, is there?”

His jaw tightened. "So bloody eager for eternal damnation,” he muttered.

“You know you don’t really believe that.” I scoffed, rolling my eyes.

“Oh, don’t I?” he fumed.

“No. You don’t.”

He glowered at me and started to speak, but I cut him off.

“If you _really_ believed that you’d lost your soul, then when I found you in Volterra, you would have realized immediately what was happening, instead of thinking we were both dead together. But you _didn’t…"_ I said smugly, smirking at him as I tossed my things on the bed and folded my arms over my chest. My hip was still jutting to the side provocatively. " _You_ said _‘Amazin'. Mike was right_ ,'” I reminded him, triumphant. "There’s hope in you, after all.”

For once, Jake was speechless.

“So let’s both just be hopeful, all right?” I suggested. "Not that it matters to me... So long as you stay, I don’t need heaven.”

He got up slowly, and came to put his hands on either side of my face as he stared into my eyes. "Always… and forever,” he vowed, still a little staggered as my arms unfolded and instead curled around his shoulders.

“That’s all I’m asking for,” I said, and stretched up on my toes so that I could press my lips to his softly. I pulled back a fraction of an inch, my forehead resting against hus gently. "So... about that make out session?" I asked innocently, smirking even when he laughed quietly and reclaimed my lips.


	25. Epilogue: Destiny

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay!!! Another one done! Isn't that amazing?
> 
> It's been fun doing this and as much as I'm eager to start on Eclipse, both of us are gonna take a short break (not hiatus) to try updating our other works.
> 
> Thank you so much for those who've been reading even up until now, we hope to hear from you again soon! Stay tuned (or subscribed, whichever) and let us know your thoughts pleaaaase
> 
> After all, need to know if you want Eclipse ♡
> 
> Our love to you all  
> ✲ﾟ｡.(✿╹◡╹)ﾉ♡.｡₀:*ﾟ✲ﾟ

**Epilogue**

**Destiny**

Almost everything was back to normal; the good, pre-zombie normal. In less time than I would have believed possible, too. The hospital welcomed Mike back with eager arms, not even bothering to conceal their delight that he’d found life in San Diego so little to his liking. Thanks to the Programming exam I’d missed while abroad, Quinn and Jake were in better to shape to pass than I was at the moment; and they only transferred into my class upon their return. Jake was a goddamn technophobe too, so it was especially unfair in my eyes. 

Suddenly, university was a priority again. It was still plan B, on the off chance that Jake’s offer swayed me from the end of college, Mike option. Many deadlines had passed me by, but Jake had a new stack of applications for me to fill out every day. He’d even got me an application to Harvard trying to get me to do another year of college, but my unimpressed glare eventually made him throw it away with a sigh. Being as he’d been everywhere and done everything; it didn’t bother him that, thanks to my procrastination, we might both end up at whatever community university would take me next year.

Scott was not happy with me, or speaking to Jake. But at least Jake was allowed; during my designated visiting hours, inside the house again. I felt this was taking things slightly too close to grounding, but I negotiated by not going out and just spending all my time with Jake anyway; and Scott slowly calmed down. Slightly.

Another hurdle appeared, when I finally checked my emails; and found a reply from Michael. It felt good to be able to even think his name again, and I was frustrated that even though I'd been repaired; so to speak, I still couldn't bring myself to remember what had happened with my brother. Perhaps, rather than the pain I'd previously suffered with, missing Jake; I was now too pained by whatever happened to recall it willingly.

Michael seemed to be understanding. He promised he held no grudges, and he had been talking to Jordan daily trying to get him to phone and apologise; but my brother is as stubborn as I am, or even more so, in my opinion. 

Michael had also sent me a video file, which I decided to watch while Jake was hunting one evening. It was with some trepidation that I sat down at my computer, my fingers trembling as I clicked the link and downloaded the file. I bit my thumb softly as I waited, my foot twitching nervously. I wasn't sure what was awaiting me; but I was certain it wasn't good.

Finally, the file was ready. 

I took a deep breath; and clicked play.

"Helloooo, and welcome to another _beautiful_ day in Cedar Cove!" Michael's goofball tone immediately made me snort, relaxing me as I felt my lip twitch into a grin. "Today, we have a marvelous line up… we have the magnificent Chief of Police, Scott—`"

"Oh no, leave me out of it, Mikey-Mouse." Scott laughed as Michael walked the camera around the corner, just as Scott grabbed his coat off the hook in the hallway. "I'm off to the station for awhile." He said, pausing as he looked towards the stairway. 

"Don't worry, Mister Lee…" Michael said quietly, his goofy attitude softening to something almost serious. "We'll watch him. Well, I'll watch _them_." He amended, as Scott smiled sadly.

"Call me Scott, son." Scott said, walking over and clapping Michael on the shoulder, before turning and hurrying out the door before the camera could catch any of his emotional display.

Michael sighed off camera, the view moving as he walked up the stairs. He moved through to Scott's room, where Jordan was sitting on the end of the bed, staring out the window. "And here," Michael continued in his goofball voice, surprising Jordan and making him huff a small laugh. "We have the sexiest, most amazing creature to ever walk to the planet… he is beauty, he is grace—"

" _He_ is gonna punch you in the face if you say anymore of that romantic crap on camera." Jordan snorted, smiling as he reached for Michael. "Now come here and kiss me." He demanded, his chin already raising off camera.

I grimaced, not needing to hear the ridiculous sounds of affection they traded along with their saliva. I was relieved when Jordan sighed and pulled away.

"What's wrong, Troublemaker?" Michael asked gently, the camera pointing to the floor as he moved to sit beside Jordan.

Jordan was unusually quiet. That alone was a bad omen. "I can't get through to him." He said, as Michael moved the camera to the bed, unintentionally aiming it at Jordan's morbid expression as he offered his boyfriend both hands to hold in support. "It's like he doesn't even know I'm here, Michael!" He said; his voice rising as his temper flared. "I _hate_ this stupid town, I only came here to help _him_ and… and…"

"Babe, he's in shock." Michael soothed, rubbing Jordan's knee. "He just needs time… I'm sure he's grateful to have you here."

"He doesn't fucking show it." Jordan grumbled, as he sighed wearily.

"Come on, Jordan…" Michael said, his hand rising to Jordan's elbow and then to his shoulder. "How would you feel if _we_ ever split up? If it was as harsh and sudden as your Dad said this was?"

"Who's side are you on here, Harrison?" Jordan complained, though he was smiling at his boyfriend. "I guess, I see your point but… but geez, Taylor barely even knew the guy. He's overreacting; and I don't think I can keep taking this whole silent treatment thing much longer..."

"Well, you've been trying to get him to do stuff that _you_ like…" Michael said tactfully. I could tell he'd already been thinking about this for awhile and had just taken the time to word it right. “What about if we offer to go and do something _he_ likes? Maybe, it will be more helpful for him to be outside; camping or something… as opposed to trying to make him watch football matches to study technique.” He suggested.

Jordan pouted at him reproachfully, before leaning forward to mash his lips against Michael’s briefly. I rolled my eyes and sighed, knowing there would only be more of this to endure throughout the video.

“How did you get so smart?” Jordan asked, narrowing his eyes at his boyfriend playfully.

“Well, one of us has to be.” Michael taunted lightly, laughing when Jordan gasped in feigned outrage.

“That’s it, Rebel Leader, you’re going _down_ …” Jordan snarked.

“Is that a promise?” Michael laughed, as Jordan flung himself at Michael, jostling the camera to point at himself instead. I covered my eyes with my hand, as there were a few seconds of intense kissing which I tried to skim between my fingers; before Jordan realised the camera was still recording them. He grinned, enjoying the idea; but thankfully, Michael cut the feed and the screen went dark briefly.

I took a deep breath, hoping that was the last of my brother’s voracious love life I would have to witness; though the hope was small, as I knew it was too much to expect from my life, considering I already had Jake back.

It took a few seconds before the camera was turned back on, aimed at Michael’s face as he grinned none so apologetically. “Very sorry about the brief interruption to our schedule there ladies and gentlemen,” he said, winking as he sauntered down the hallway from Scott’s room. I made a mental note to starch his sheets some time in the future. “We had a minor malfunction with our leading star, but not to worry; he has been _very_ thoroughly cared for, and-”

“Michael! You better not be talking shit about me on tape again!” Jordan’s voice was frustrated as he yelled from Scott’s room, likely still redressing himself. I grimaced; as Michael winked and held his finger to his lips in front of the camera.

“Of course not, babe!” He called back innocently, the camera turning away from him as he spread his palms. “I’m just going to check the camping gear out.”

“Oh… goodie…” Jordan sighed, though there was a sense of determination in his voice, regardless of his own feelings about camping. “I’ll come meet you in a bit, I’m gonna see if Taylor’s awake.”

“Okay… just remember what Scott said.” Michael called, the camera moving as he walked to the top of the stairs. 

“Yeah, yeah…” Jordan scoffed, strolling out of Scott’s room. “No yelling, no calling him an idiot, no ‘romantic behaviour’ in front of him; help him out.” He grumbled, ticking the points off his fingers as he rolled his eyes; turning towards my room.

I felt so overwhelmed by guilt and love for my brother. He really had tried, in his own way. I wished I could remember this for myself; but it was like there was something pointedly blocking me from remembering anything from that time period.

Jordan’s forced, perky voice sounded from my room at that point, as Michael hesitated at the top of the stairs to make sure he did in fact, stick to the rules. “C'mon then bro, let’s get you up and dressed! Me and Michael want to explore the wild world of camping… yay!”

Michael snorted quietly as he turned to head down the stairs, amused as ever by his boyfriend's behaviour; even if he was being a sarcastic fuck to me. Though I had to admit, he was also trying incredibly hard. For him.

The camera got as far as the bottom of the stairs, before Jordan’s voice rose; his temper finally overflowing. I wondered what had set it off. “You’re a fucking selfish prick, Taylor! You've been like this for the entire time I've been here! Michael and I are _leaving_ next week; and you haven’t even fucking _looked_ at me when I’m fucking speaking to you!” 

Michael was already running up the stairs, the camera swinging wildly as he tried to hurry and intervene. “Jordan!” He called from the top of the stairs, the camera barely catching a glimpse of me; laying on my side in my bed, hollow eyed as I stared vacantly ahead of me. I winced, because I truly looked awful. Then the camera shifted, as Michael set it down on the side and rushed to his boyfriend’s side. “Jordan, stop… this isn’t good for either of you. Just calm down, come on—”

“Well it sure as fuck _feels_ good!” Jordan fumed, scowling at where I knew my lifeless body lay. “He’s laying here _wallowing_ because this stupid town has sucked his goddamn soul right out of him; _like I always said it would!_ ” He fumed, running a hand through his hair as he sighed and half turned away.

“Jordan, come on, you know that’s not fair—” Michael tried to protest, only to fall silent in shock; at the uneven rasp which sounded from my vague direction.

“Soul..?” My voice broke on the recording, and I winced; imagining just how sensitive I would have been to the mention of souls at that point. “What the hell do you know about my soul?” I demanded roughly, my voice thick from disuse. “My soul is _mine_ ; and I can _damn well_ do what I want with it!” 

“Oh, look… it speaks.” Jordan sneered, looking back at me with disgust. “Here I thought you were just going to ignore me the whole time we were here; specifically to help you out.” He snarled, glaring at me furiously.

“Help?” My broken voice laughed, and the sound was terrible. There was no warmth, no amusement; only a dead and hollow disgust. “What the hell kind of help can you offer me? You don’t know shit, Jordan. Fuck off, and take your false sympathy with you.”

Jordan’s face turned pale, similar to how Scott’s did when he went passed angry and into blind fury. “You think you know everything? What, because your _one and only_ relationship failed?” He spat viciously, narrowing his eyes as Michael tried to step in front of him and calm him. “Shut up, Michael; don’t tell me to calm down! He’s being a fucking asshole!” He said, gesturing roughly towards my prone body. “It wasn’t even a real fucking relationship! He barely fucking knew him! He never even deserved him in the fucking first place!”

There was a tense silence, where even Jordan seemed to sense briefly that he’d said the wrong thing. Then there was a furious, pained howl; and I appeared on the camera, staggering from my bed to reveal I’d already started losing weight.

“ _You think you know a fucking thing about me, Jordan?”_ I screamed at him, as Michael tried to extend a palm towards each of us; keeping us as far apart as he was physically able to. “ _You don’t know shit! You don’t know me, or anything about what I had! You think you’re the only one to know what fucking love is?”_

“I think I know a darn sight better than _you_ , asshole!” Jordan threw back at me, though he seemed at least partially relieved to see me out of bed. “I know that you've known Jake all of five fucking minutes!" He yelled back, either missing or ignoring my pained wince at hearing Jake's name. "I know that what you had _can't_ have been worth all _this!_ I know a fucking _real_ relationship, like mine and Michael’s—”

“Jordan, stop… please, you’re going to regret it—”

“Whose bloody side are you on?!” Jordan turned his furious expression towards Michael, narrowing his eyes in accusation.

“Yours, babe, of course… but—”

“Then bloody well act like it!” Jordan fumed, scowling as he tried to push past his boyfriend to get closer to me. “I’ll never regret telling him what a stupid, ungrateful, useless, _worthless excuse for a human being_ he’s been the past three days!”

Each of Jordan’s words seemed to strike me like a physical blow. I watched as my on screen self flinched vividly, a gasp escaping me as I half stepped back and raised a hand to my chest, as if to cover some bleeding wound.

“You’ve been a total fucking asshole, ever since we got here; and we flew here _especially_ to help out, _as soon as Scott phoned_ , to tell us what happened!” Jordan fumed, seemingly oblivious to my ragged breathing; or just too pissed off to care by this point. “This stupid town sucks the damn life out of everything! It's a fucking disease! You need to get the hell out of here!" He ranted, his scowl turning to a pleading grimace. "Please, just come home with us… the house in New York; you'll love it! You can have the biggest room again! I'll move my stuff—"

"I'm not leaving." My lifeless tone left no doubt that my decision was final; but Jordan still pushed harder.

"You'll be better off there!" Jordan retorted. "Away from this shitty town and its shitty weather, with me and Mom and Jim…" he said, making a visible effort to calm himself. "Come on, Taylor… let me pack you some things, and just, try New York, for a few _days_ at least…"

My lifeless corpse shook its head, but Jordan seemed to take my silence for agreement; as he moved to my dresser and pulled open a drawer; pulling out everything and tossing it all onto the bed. "See? We'll sort through everything once we get there… you'll be better there though."

"Why the hell would I be _better_ there?" My on screen self rasped, a strange, hollow scowl on my face. 

"Because you'll be away from this shitty town that's making you so goddamn miserable!" Jordan snapped back, sorting through my clothes on the bed as a pile I might need and should be thrown out.

My on screen self trembled briefly, then I bolted forward and grabbed all the clothes Jordan had laid out on my bed. "The only thing about Cedar Cove that makes me miserable; is the fact that _you're_ in it!" I yelled, throwing my clothes at Jordan's stunned face. "I am _not_ leaving! This is my _home_ ! You don't wanna be here? Fucking _leave already!_ " I screamed at him.

"You ungrateful bastard!" Jordan's stunned expression twisted with rage. "We only came to this _shitpit_ of a town to help _you_ !" Jordan snarled, scowling at me as he threw the top he'd been holding on my bed. "I took time off from my fucking _career_ for _you_!"

"Oh please, you've always loved playing with balls…" My screen self sneered, as I winced; guessing what was to come. "Just because you get paid to do it now, doesn't make you _special_."

"What the fuck is _that_ supposed to mean?!" Jordan demanded, as Michael tried to stop us both from trying to get closer to the other. I made a mental note to buy him a new camera for his birthday; god knows he earned it trying to mediate _this_ train wreck.

"That's what all this is _really_ about…" my on screen self scoffed, glaring hatefully at my brother. "Jordaniel Lee, self proclaimed sexual king of Sunset Beach high; lording his _extensive_ experience over his poor, naive twin!" I sneered, as Jordan flushed with disbelief and fury. "Just because _you_ were happy to disappear to the chemistry lab or behind the bike sheds with any stud who pointed his dick your way; doesn't mean you know anything about what the hell I should be feeling… I might not have the _hands on_ experience you do with the physical side of a relationship, but that _doesn't_ mean mine meant any fucking less than yours!"

My on screen self was gasping for breath, one arm curled around my chest as my brother and I glared at each other scornfully.

"You're a fucking asshole, Taylor." Jordan bit out eventually, shaking his head at me in disbelief and disgust. "You barely even fucking _knew_ him! Michael and I have been together _years_ ; it's a little fucking different!"

"Jordan, _stop —_!" Michael tried again to intervene.

"Yeah, mine wasn't sex oriented." On screen me threw back.

"Taylor, come on, you know you don't mean that—" Michael tried to reason.

"Yeah?" Jordan scoffed, folding his arms over his chest as he scowled at me. "Maybe that's why he bloody left you then, seeing as you're too fucking _weak_ to satisfy him."

Jordan's words sent a vicious shiver racing through my on screen self. I shuddered violently and took a half step back; flinching as if he'd just scalded me. "Too weak…" I mumbled, both arms curling around my chest as I started sobbing dryly.

"Taylor..?" Jordan's expression morphed from furious to terrified in the blink of an eye, as I sank to the floor and began crying in earnest, muttering repeatedly 'too weak'. "Taylor—"

"I think you need to go call your dad, Jordan…" Michael urged, gently steering my brother away from me, when he tried to approach.

"No, I… I didn't mean to…"

"I know, babe…" Michael said gently, cupping his hands around Jordan's cheeks and turning his mortified, guilty face away from me and toward him instead. "But, I think maybe this has been hurting him a lot more than we can understand." Michael said patiently, glancing back over his shoulder. "I think he needed to get this out… now, go call your dad, okay?" He said, gently ushering Jordan from the room, though he was reluctant to leave in his grief.

"I-I'm sorry…"

"He knows, babe…" Michael said. "Go, I'll stay with him." He said, finally managing to get Jordan out of the room. He turned and hesitated, before walking back to my distraught on screen self. "Taylor..?" He called softly, lowering himself to the floor beside me and laying his hand on my shoulder.

"I-I-I…" my on screen self choked as I wept. I couldn't tell if I was trying to apologise or just trying to repeat still, that I wasn't good enough; but Michael was gentle as he leaned back against the side of my bed and eased me up to lean against him, seeming to assume it was the former.

"I know, Taylor… I know, bro. It's okay." He soothed, rubbing my arm as he shushed me gently. I watched as Jordan returned a short while later, his eyes red as he hovered hesitantly in the doorway.

When my on screen self had cried myself to sleep, Michael gestured to Jordan, who hesitantly approached and helped his boyfriend get me back into bed.

"We need to go home." Jordan whispered as Michael finished tucking me in carefully.

"What?" Michael asked in low tones, turning with a frown. "Why?"

"You heard him… I'm not helping, I'm making him worse." He said, his arms folded around his chest similarly to how mine had been previously. 

"Jordan, come on… you know he didn't mean any of that—" Michael tried to soothe, rubbing Jordan's arms gently.

"We need to leave." Jordan repeated stubbornly, shaking Michael off and turning on his heel. " _Now_." He added over his shoulder, as Michael sighed and ran his hand through his hair. He turned to check on me, and then moved to follow after Jordan, though he paused and turned back at the doorway; searching with his eyes.

He walked back to the camera when he spotted it, picking it up and smiling sadly into the screen. "That's all for today, folks…" he said quietly, glancing over at my sleeping form. "Taylor… if you ever see this," he said slowly, looking back at the camera intently. "We understand, okay?" He said, the screen lingering on him for a moment; before the entire thing went black and cut out altogether.

I sucked in a deep breath; and then started crying. My brother had come all the way to a town he hated, cared for me for three days while I was practically comatose; and then left, feeling guilty and upset because _I_ had been an asshole. 

I fished my phone out of my pocket, checking the time briefly before deciding to call anyway, regardless of if his alarm had gone off yet. I knew exactly what I needed to say now.

I wasn't sure if it was deliberate, that Jordan let my call ring for quite so long, but I decided to cut him some slack for once. He was probably shitting himself, seeing my name on his caller ID. I bit my lip, and waited as patiently as I could, shutting down my computer as the phone continued to ring; until finally, he answered.

The silence was deafening.

"Hey, doofus…" I croaked, my throat tight as I heard my brother sniff on the other end of the line. "I called to say I was sorry for being a jerk… that I'm sorry I didn't appreciate you coming to take care of me. And to say," I said, my lips twitching fondly. " _When we come together, we'll make it better… every day_!"

I was relieved when I heard Jordan snort and huff an unwilling laugh on the other end of the line, before he started to cry. Loudly. "Y-you're such a… a stupid j-jerk, Taylor!" He gasped between small sniffs and sobs, as I rolled my eyes. Me remembering his favourite song as a kid was fine, but actually apologising like he'd been waiting for me to? That made him cry. Weirdo.

"Yeah, yeah." I huffed back, sniffing myself as I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand. "And you're a frisky doofus… but, I love you anyway." I said, smiling when Jordan feigned a gag.

"Urgh, you're so gay, lame-o!" Jordan hiccupped, as I laughed quietly. It wasn't often Jordan got as bad as me when crying; mostly because he didn't really cry. "Jerk!" He sobbed, before hanging up on me. I shook my head and hiccupped a laugh, not worried about Jordan's abrupt departure from the call.

I knew he would call back when he felt more in control of himself, he just needed time to vent his relief and get his emotions under control. I made a note on my phone to remind me later, when Jake was here; because he would remember better than any alarm I set, to look up the biggest, bestest, most expensive camera I could in the morning. Michael had definitely earned it.

After that, we began talking often; slowly catching up, though neither of us broached the subject of Jake for awhile. I decided to drop that bombshell some other time. Maybe our next birthday, or Halloween or something.

College picked up then, and I was kept unfairly busy for awhile. The dreary, dull yellow walls of my classrooms had become oddly inviting to me of late, but I knew that had a lot more to do with the person who sat at the desk beside me; and not any particular desire to pass my courses.

Jake had resumed his schedule from the beginning of the year, which put him in most of my classes again anyway, but then he transferred into any others that he wasn’t already in too. So I was suddenly eager to attend all my classes; even if he was appalled by my slip in grades. My behavior had been such last fall, after the Darwins’ supposed move to San Diego, that the seat beside me had never been filled. Even Caleb, always eager to take any advantage, had kept a safe distance. With Jake back in place, it was almost as if the last three and a half months were just a very vivid, very disturbing nightmare.

Almost, but not quite. There was the almost house arrest situation, for one thing. And for another, before the separation, I hadn’t been hanging out with Diego Soto. So, of course, I hadn’t missed him then.

I wasn’t at liberty to go to Hartfeld because I was trying to male things up to Scott, and Diego wasn’t coming to see me. He wouldn’t even answer my phone calls. I spoke to Ricardo once when I tried calling, but he said Diego was having some trouble with Sean; and it was really best for me to give him some time to work through things.

I made these calls mostly at night, after Jake had been kicked out, promptly at nine by a grimly gleeful Scott; and before Jake snuck back through my window when Scott was asleep. I chose that time to make my fruitless calls because I’d noticed that Jake made a certain face every time I mentioned Diego’s name. Sort of disapproving and wary; maybe even angry. I guessed that he had some reciprocal prejudice against the werewolves, though he wasn’t as vocal about Diego as much as the rest of the pack. His and Diego’s efforts to not belittle each other made me feel ridiculously happy and guilty together. Which ultimately just ended up leaving me frustrated.

So, I didn’t mention Diego much.

With Jake near me, it was hard to think about unhappy things; even whatever trouble my best friend was facing. I knew he was probably very unhappy right now, mostly due to me. When I did think of Diego, I always felt guilty for not thinking of him more; and I desperately wished I could help somehow… but I remembered Ricardo’s warning, and I tried hard to keep my distance.

The fairy tale was back on. Prince returned, bad spell broken. I wasn’t sure exactly what to do about the leftover, badass sidekick. Where was _his_ happily ever after? Why was he left to clear up after my mess or pay for my choices?

Weeks passed; and Diego still wouldn’t answer my calls. It started to become a constant worry. Like a dripping faucet in the back of my head that I couldn’t shut off or ignore. 

Drip, drip, drip. Diego, Diego, Diego.

So, though I didn’t mention Diego much, sometimes my frustration and anxiety boiled over.

“It’s just plain rude!” I vented one Saturday afternoon when Jake picked me up from work. Being angry about things was easier than feeling guilty. “Downright insulting!”

I’d varied my pattern, in hopes of a different response. I’d called Diego from work this time, only to get a much more unhelpful Ricardo. Again.

“Ricardo said he didn’t _want_ to talk to me..!” I fumed, glaring at the rain oozing down the passenger window.

“That he was there, and wouldn’t walk three steps to get to the phone! Why the hell is he being such an asshole about it? He was fine before! What happened? What changed? Did the pack convince him I’m the bad guy? Is Ricardo lying for Sean, trying to drive a wedge between us? I won’t damn well let them… they can’t _do_ this!” I ranted furiously, scowling out the window. I sighed, trying to see things from their point of view. “I guess, Ricardo hates me now, too. It’s not fair...”

“It’s not _you_ , Taylor,” Jake said quietly. “Nobody hates _you_.”

“Sure as hell, fucking feels that way,” I muttered, folding my arms across my chest. It was no more than a stubborn gesture. There was no hole there now. I could barely remember the empty feeling anymore.

“The pack knows we’re back, and I’m sure that they ain’t stupid, so they know I’m with ya,” Jake said. “Even if he wanted to, he probably can’t come anywhere near _me_. The pack hate is rooted too deep, they’ll overpower him; if he does try to come see ya...”

“That’s stupid. They all know you’re not... like other vampires.”

“‘S still good enough a reason for ‘em to keep a safe distance.”

I glared blindly out the windshield, seeing only Diego’s face, returned to the bitter mask I hated now he was alone and paying for my life choices. It was beyond unfair.

“Taylor... we are what we are,” Jake said quietly. “I can control myself, but I doubt they think he can. He’s very young; new to bein’ a wolf... They probably think it’d most likely turn into a fight, and they dunno if they’d stop it before one of us k—” he broke off with a rough cough, and then quickly continued. “Before either of us hurt the other. _You’d_ be unhappy. The treaty’d be violated... nobody wants that to happen.”

I remembered what Diego had said in the kitchen, hearing the words with perfect recall in his husky voice. But he _had_ been able to handle it, then; and again later. Diego had not only shown restraint; he’d been kind. Supportive. Hell, he’d tried to help me… why were the pack unable to see that he would be fine?

“Jake McKenzie,” I whispered. “Were you about to say ‘killed each other'? Were you?”

He looked away from me, staring into the rain. In front of us, the red light I hadn’t noticed turned green and he started forward again, driving very slowly. Not his usual way of driving.

“Ya know damn well that we’d both try to never have that come ‘bout,” Jake finally said. “But the pack don’t… they’re probably concerned 'bout it is all.”

I stared at him with my mouth hanging open, but he continued to look straight ahead. We were paused at the corner stop sign.

I tried to see things the way Jake said the pack did. But it didn’t make any sense. They would have seen in Diego’s head that he was fine when he was around Quinn, and then again when he’d met with me and Jake in the woods.

Was it perhaps less about Jake, and more about me, despite what Jake believed? Was it because they believed that I had betrayed them somehow?

But that was ridiculous. Impossible. Not even a bunch of dumb wolf brains like them could think such a stupid thing. Could they?

“Well,” I said, and took a deep breath, shaking my head to dispel the words in my head. “We all know nothing like that is ever going to happen, so there’s no reason to worry about it... and you know Scott’s staring at the clock right now. You’d better get me home before he gets pissed off with you, and I get in more trouble again.”

I turned my face up toward him, to smile halfheartedly.

Every time I looked at his face, that impossibly perfect face, my heart pounded strong and healthy and very there in my chest. This time, the pounding raced ahead of its usual besotted pace. I recognized the expression on his statue-still face.

“Ya already in more trouble, Taylor,” he whispered through unmoving lips.

I slid closer, clutching his arm as I followed his gaze to see what he was seeing. I don’t know what I expected; maybe Jeanine standing in the middle of the street, her flaming red dreadlocks blowing in the wind, or a line of tall black cloaks, or a pack of angry werewolves. But I didn’t see anything at all.

“What? What is it?”

He took a deep breath. “Scott...”

“My dad?” I screeched.

He looked down at me then, and his expression was calm enough to ease some of my panic.

“Scott's _probably_ not gonna kill ya... but he’s seriously thinkin’ ‘bout it,” he told me. He started to drive forward again, down my street; but he passed the house and parked by the edge of the trees.

“What did I do?” I gasped. I thought I’d been pretty cool about the almost house arrest thing, if I was being honest.

Jake glanced back at Scott’s house. I followed his gaze, and noticed for the first time what was parked in the driveway next to the cruiser. Shiny, bright red, impossible to miss. My motorcycle, flaunting itself in the driveway.

Jake had said that Scott was ready to kill me, so he must know that… that _it_ was mine. There was only one person who could be behind this treachery.

“No!” I gasped. “ _Why_ ? Why would Diego do this to me?”

The sting of betrayal washed through me. I had trusted Diego implicitly; trusted him with every single secret I had. He was supposed to be my safe harbor, the person I could always rely on. He was supposed to be my best friend… regardless of who or what I loved. He _promised_. I knew things were strained with the pack right now, but I didn’t think any of the underlying foundation had changed. I didn’t think that _was_ changeable!

What had I done to deserve this? Scott was going to be so mad; and worse than that, he was going to be hurt and worried. Didn’t he have enough to deal with already? We were just moving past this… now we’d be thrown straight back into an argument. I would have never imagined that Diego could be so petty and just plain mean. Tears sprang, smarting, into my eyes, but they were not tears of sadness. I had been betrayed. I was suddenly so angry that my head throbbed like it was going to explode.

“Is he still here?” I hissed.

“Yeah. He’s waitin’ for us there.” Jake told me, nodding toward the slender path that divided the dark fringe of the forest in two. “Don’t be too hard on him… he feels bad. It weren’t his choice.”

I didn't care to listen to Jake at that moment. I jumped out of the car, launching myself toward the trees with my hands already balled into fists for the first punch.

Why did Jake have to be so much faster than me?

He caught me around the waist before I made the path.

“Let me go! I’m going to murder him! _Traitor_!” I shouted the epithet toward the trees. I immediately felt bad, but that bitter sting of betrayal was hard to smother.

“Scott'll hear ya,” Jake warned me. "And once he gets ya inside, he may brick over the doorway.”

I glanced back at the house instinctively, and it seemed like the glossy red bike was all I could see. I was seeing red. My head throbbed again.

“Just give me _one_ round with Diego, and then I’ll deal with Scott.” I struggled futilely to break free.

“Diego Soto _wants_ to see ya. That’s why he’s hung 'round after.” Jake said, pausing briefly before continuing quietly. "That… and he's gotta talk to _me_."

That stopped me cold. It took the fight right out of me. My hands went limp. 

I was furious, but not so furious that I couldn't hear the hesitance in Jake's tone.

“Talk?” I asked.

“More or less.”

I frowned, looking back at the woods ahead. “How much more?” My voice shook.

Jake smoothed my hair back from my face. "Don’t worry, he ain't here to fight. He’s actin' as... spokesperson for the pack.”

“Oh.” I blinked, absorbing that. Then I gasped, my eyes wide as realisation and shame flooded me. "They _made_ him?!"

Jake nodded and then looked back at the house again, tightening his arm around my waist and pulled me toward the woods. "We should hurry. Scott’s gettin' impatient.”

We didn’t have to go far; Diego waited just a short ways up the path. He was crouched beside a mossy tree trunk as he waited, his head in his hands, growling softly at the ground. He looked up at me as he heard my approach, and then sprang to his feet. "Taylor, I'm sorry! I couldn't—" he apologised, his distress clear as I stalked straight over to him and wrapped my arms around his shoulders.

"It wasn't your fault, dude." I said quietly, as Diego glanced at Jake over my shoulder. I squeezed briefly, before releasing him, noticing his frown. I bit my lip, glancing at Jake, before facing forward and exhaling a small sigh. "Jake has a gift… like Quinn does."

"He sees the future too?" Diego asked, raising a brow curiously. "If so, pretty shitty thing to have done after his birthday, bloodsucker." He huffed. 

Jake huffed with vague amusement and rolled his eyes, choosing not to comment for the moment.

"Don't call him that, please." I scolded gently, sighing as I swatted his arm. "And no, he can—" 

"Wait, Taylor… you might not want to tell me." Diego interrupted quickly. "Not because, I don't want to know, or because I _plan_ to betray your trust… but, as you can see here," he sighed, gesturing towards my house; and my gleaming bike outside. "What I plan or want don't always matter."

"Diego," I murmured, wishing I could help him more. 

But I couldn't help him just now; because I was the problem.

Diego’s mouth stretched into a thin, humorless line, and he shrugged away from me. “I have to talk to your boyfriend now… or else I have to leave.” He said apologetically, as he stood on the balls of his bare feet, leaning slightly forward, with his trembling hands clenched into fists. He looked bigger than the last time I’d seen him. Somehow, impossibly, he was still growing. He would tower over Jake, if they stood next to each other.

But Jake stopped as soon as we saw him, leaving a wide space between himself and Diego. I frowned, gesturing Jake closer when he turned his body, looking off into the trees nearby. "Were you aware you had a babysitter, Soto?"

Diego blinked in surprise, frowning at Jake in confusion. "No…" he muttered, glancing around himself uneasily. “I was told to come alone; and I swear, I did!”

“Hmm…” Jake mused for a moment, before pointing through the trees to Diego’s left. “Wanna come out and say ya piece, Captain America?” He asked, though he never raised his voice.

I frowned as I glanced at Diego, who shrugged to show he had no idea who Jake meant either. We turned together to watch the area Jake had indicated. Diego heard whoever it was first, his teeth snapping together as a growl of frustration built in his chest. “Diego?” I whispered, but he couldn’t hear me over the sound of his own snarls.

“Why the hell did you make me come and do this, if you were going to come yourself?!” Diego demanded, scowling into the trees while I still struggled to guess who was coming. It wasn’t until Diego’s accusing words sank in, that I realised it should have been obvious.

I would have thought that seeing his resentful, cynical sneer would only make me angrier. Instead, it reminded me of the last time I’d seen him, gentle and loving with Estela. I knew there had been another time he’d seen me; when Diego pulled me from the sea after my disastrous cliff diving escapade, but I couldn’t remember opening my eyes and actually _seeing_ him then, so I had no idea how he’d actually looked. 

My fury weakened, faltered, as I watched Sean Gayle emerge from the shadows. It had been so long since I’d seen him; and he, as well as all the other wolves, had come to mean so much to me. I was startled to realise how much I hated that our reunion had to be like this.

“Taylor,” Sean said as a greeting, nodding once toward me without looking away from Jake.

“Why?” I whispered, trying to hide the sound of the lump in my throat. “How could you do this to Diego?” I demanded, gesturing towards him. “Surely you must know how much this is going to hurt him? He’s a part of your pack, a brother… doesn’t that mean anything?” I asked, shaking my head in confusion. “Why would you hurt him, just to hurt me?”

The sneer vanished, but his face stayed hard and rigid. “It’s for the best.”

“What is that supposed to mean? You what? Want Scott to strangle me? Or are you wanting him to have a heart attack, like Charlie? No matter how mad you are at _me_ , how could you do this to _him_?”

Sean winced, and his eyebrows pulled together, but he didn’t answer.

“He didn’t wanna hurt anyone." Jake sighed. He stayed inched toward Diego and I, unsubtly placing himself between us and Sean. "He just wanted to get ya in trouble, so ya couldn’t spend no time with me,” Jake murmured, explaining the thoughts Sean wouldn’t say.

Sean’s eyes sparked with hate as he glowered at Jake again. "Seems like you have a few _talents_ we weren't aware of." He said, his eyes flicking over to me.

"I'm not a spy." I said, frowning at him. "I told you what you needed to know about Jeanine; but at the time, the Darwin's weren't coming back… I told Diego—"

"I know." Sean said dismissively, shaking his head. "I guess I'm just wondering if that loyalty would be as strong, going the other way." 

"He ain't said anythin' 'bout any of ya." Jake replied before I was able to.

“Sean, none of this explained why you felt you had to do this!” I sighed in exasperation. "I’m already in plenty enough shit with Scott! Why do you think I haven’t been down to Hartfeld to kick _his_ ass for avoiding my goddamn phone calls?” I demanded, scowling over at him as I nudged Diego beside me.

Sean's eyes flashed back to me, confused for the first time. "That’s why?” he asked, and then locked his jaw, like he was sorry he’d said anything.

"Everyone thought, if I didn't talk to you; that you'd come see me." Diego explained quickly in hushed tones. "When you didn't-"

"Shut your mouth, Diego!" Sean growled, glancing toward him with an intensity which made Diego lock his jaw and look at the floor.

"Stop that!" I yelled, gripping Diego's tightly balled hand and glaring at Sean. "Stop hurting him… _controlling_ him! It's _wrong_!"

“They thought _I_ wouldn’t let ya, not Scott,” Jake explained to me quietly, distracting Sean from replying to me for my interruption.

“Stop that,” Sean snapped, parroting my own scolding, growling at Jake warningly.

Jake didn’t answer.

Sean shuddered once, and then grit his teeth as hard as his fists. "Taylor wasn’t exaggerating about your kinds'... _abilities_ , being advanced.” He said through his teeth. "So I'm assuming you must already know why I’m here.”

“Yeah, I know,” Jake agreed in a soft voice. "But, before ya into ya 'lil speech, I gotta say somethin'.”

Sean waited, narrowing his eyes as Diego began clenching and unclenching his hands; trying to control the shivers rolling down his arms as he tried and failed to resist the order.

"Dude… don't fight it, okay… it's gonna be okay, buddy." I whispered quietly, trying to rub his shoulders soothingly.

“Thanks,” Jake said; and I was surprised he sounded genuine rather than sarcastic. I glanced at him curiously, because his voice practically _throbbed_ with the depth of his sincerity. "I ain't ever gonna be able to tell ya how grateful I am. I owe ya; for the rest of my... existence.”

Sean stared at him blankly, his sneer wiped away by surprise. He exchanged a quick glance with me, but my face was just as mystified.

“For keepin' Taylor alive,” Jake clarified, his voice rough and fervent. "When I... didn’t.”

“Jake...” I started to say, but he held one hand up, his eyes on Sean.

Understanding washed over Sean’s face before the hard mask returned. "I didn’t do it for _your_ benefit, leech.”

“I know. But that don’t erase the gratitude I feel. Figured ya oughta know. If there’s ever anythin' in my power to do for ya...”

Sean raised one black brow.

Jake chuckled and shook his head. "That ain't in my power.”

“Whose, then?” Sean growled.

Jake looked down at me. "His. I’m a quick learner, Sean Gayle, and I ain't gonna repeat my worst mistake twice. I’m here; 'til he orders me away.”

I was immersed momentarily in his cerulean gaze. It wasn’t hard to understand what I’d missed in the conversation. The only thing that Sean would want from Jake would be his absence.

“Never,” I whispered, still locked in Jake’s eyes.

Sean made a gagging sound.

I unwillingly broke free from Jake’s gaze to scowl petulantly at Sean. "Was there something else you needed, Sean? You wanted me in trouble… mission accomplished. Scott might just kick me out. But that won’t keep me away from Jake. There’s _nothing_ that can do that. So, what more do you want?”

Sean kept his eyes on Jake “I just needed to remind your bloodsucking friends of a few key points in the treaty they agreed to. The treaty chat is the only thing stopping me from ripping his throat out right this minute.”

“We ain't forgotten nothin',” Jake said calmly, at the same time that I demanded, “What key points?”

Sean still glowered at Jake, but he answered me. "The treaty's very specific. If any of them bite a human, the truce is over. _Bite_ , not kill,” he emphasized. Finally, he looked at me. His eyes were cold.

It only took me a second to grasp the distinction, and then my face was as cold as his. “That is none of your business.”

“The hell it...” was all he managed to choke out.

I didn’t expect my hasty words to bring on such a strong response. Despite the warning he’d come to give, he must not have known. He must have thought the warning was just a precaution. He hadn’t realized; or didn’t want to believe, that I had already made my choice. That I was really intending to become a member of the Darwin family.

My answer sent the always in control Sean into near convulsions. He pressed his fists hard against his temples, closing his eyes tight and curling in on himself as he tried to control the spasms. His face turned sallow green under his dark skin, as he muttered quickly under his breath. I thought I heard random words like 'imprint' and 'impossible', but I didn't care enough to really listen.

“Diego? You okay?” I asked anxiously, glancing beside me while Sean was distracted.

Diego was watching me mutely. He sighed heavily, resigned it seemed; and then he nodded, offering me a weak smile. I was overwhelmed by the need to hug him, when I realised he was supporting my decision. I could feel his shoulders lift and fall with a small huff of exasperation, his warm hand rubbing my back as I pulled away, and he mouthed 'so gay, dude' at me. I grinned and playfully jabbed my fist into his shoulder as we snickered; me noisily, but Diego silently.

I frowned and looked back at Sean; unhappy with Diego's enforced silence. I thought the pack were supposed to be brothers; but this control was unfair. I took a deep breath and managed to take a half-step toward him, intending to scold or bargain with him for Diego's hostage voice; before Jake caught me and yanked me back behind his own body; Diego grabbing my hand and rolling his eyes as he nodded to Jake in agreement. "Careful! He ain't under control,” he warned me.

But Sean was already somewhat himself again; only his arms were shaking now. He scowled at Jake with pure hate. "Urgh. I wouldn't ever hurt him.”

Neither Jake or I missed the inflection, or the accusation it contained. A low hiss escaped Jake’s lips. Diego clenched his fists reflexively; glancing between the two.

“ _Taylor_ !” Scott’s roar echoed from the direction of the house.” _You get in this house this instant_!”

All of us froze, listening to the silence that followed.

I was the first to speak; my voice trembled. "Aw, shit.”

Diego’s expression crumbled with guilt.

"Hey, it's okay… it's not _your_ fault." I assured him, my eyes turning accusingly to Sean.

Sean sighed, his furious glaring match faltering as he turned toward me. "I'm sorry about that, man...” He said. "But I had to do what I could… I had to try—”

“Thanks.” The tremor in my voice ruined the sarcasm. I stared up the path, half-expecting Scott to come barreling through the wet ferns like an enraged bull. I would be the red flag in that scenario. "But I am _not_ your toy or your pet, or one of your goddamn wolves to control..! And it is _not_ okay for you to railroad my life like this. Now give my best friend his damn voice back!"

Sean glowered at me for a moment, before looking over at Diego. "Alright."

As soon as he spoke, Diego relaxed, turning to me guiltily. "I am so, _so_ sorry…"

"Hey, I know… it's okay, dude." I assured again, drawing him unto a tight hug.

“One more thing,” Jake said to Sean, while I was busy bonding with Diego. "We ain't found any trace of Jeanine on our side of the line… have _you_?”

He knew the answer as soon as Diego thought it, but Sean spoke the answer anyway. "The last time was while Taylor was... _away_. We let her think she was slipping through; we were tightening the circle, getting ready to ambush her...”

Ice shot down my spine.

“But then she took off like a bat out of hell. Near as we can tell, she caught your little _female’s_ scent and bailed. She hasn’t come near our lands since.”

Jake nodded. "When she comes back, she ain't ya problem anymore. We’ll...”

“She killed on our turf,” Sean hissed. "She’s ours!”

“No...” I began to protest both declarations.

“ _Taylor_ ! _I see his car and I know you're out there! If you aren't in here in one minute_... !” Scott didn’t bother to finish his threat.

“Let’s go,” Jake said.

I pulled back from Diego, knowing our expressions were similarly torn. Would I see him again?

“Sorry,” he whispered so low that I had to read his lips to understand. ‘”Bye, Tay-Bear.”

“You promised,” I reminded him desperately. "Still friends, right?”

Diego nodded his head slowly, and the lump in my throat nearly strangled me.

“You know how hard I’ve tried to keep that promise, and I will _always—_ ” He began, before Sean interrupted loudly.

"A wolf and a vampire can never be friends." He said firmly, eyeing Diego and I thoughtfully. "Maybe you should get used to the separation now…"

"No!" Diego gasped, staring at Sean in horror. "He's human, he's my best friend! You can't—!"

"What..?" I asked, worried by Diego's reaction.

"You look down on us, but we'd never been so goddamn cruel to one of our own." Jake snarled, crouching defensively before me and Diego; separating us from Sean.

"He's made a choice to not be human at some point." Sean said to Diego, ignoring Jake entirely. "So as of now," he said, his voice hard and unwavering. "You will not speak to, or see Taylor." He said, as I gasped in horror.

"No!" I yelled, shoving at Jake to let me at Sean, as Diego squeezed his eyes shut beside me. "You can't _do_ that!"

"It's for his own good." Sean said, folding his arms over his chest.

Diego began to lurch forward awkwardly. I reached for him, but Jake grabbed me; restraining me as I cried and cursed harder than I ever had before. When he reached Sean, Diego turned; his eyes still closed as he mouthed a silent 'miss you'. One of his hands reached toward me, his fingers outstretched, like he wished they were long enough to cross the distance between us.

“Me, too,” I choked out between my gasps for breath. My hand reached toward his across the wide space.

Like we were connected, the echo of his pain twisted inside me. His pain, my pain.

“Diego...” I took a step toward him. I wanted to wrap my arms around his waist and erase the expression of misery on his face.

Jake pulled me back again, his arms restraining instead of defending, as Sean similarly reached for Diego.

“It’s okay,” I promised him, looking up to read his face with trust in my eyes. He would understand.

His eyes were sad, his face remorseful. "No, it ain't, Boy Scout...” he said quietly. "I promise, as soon as we can we'll try'n fix this… but right now, ya can't push him."

"Jake…" I hiccupped pathetically, as I looked back to where Diego stood, rigid and shivering with the effort to look at me.

“ _Taylorence Lee_!”

“Scott's mad...” My voice broke twice, but not because of Scott. I looked up at Diego, and swallowed back my sorrow, determination flooding me. "I _will_ see you soon, Diego!”

I tugged on Jake and he relaxed instantly. He kept his eyes on Sean as we retreated, while I kept my own on Diego. I thought I saw his lip curve at my promise.

Sean watched us with a dark scowl on his bitter face. The anticipation drained from his eyes, and then, just before the forest came between us, his face crumpled in confusion and sorrow.

I knew that last glimpse of Diego's turned face would haunt me until I saw him smile again.

And right there I vowed that I would see him smile, and soon. I would find a way to keep my friend.

Jake kept his arm tight around my waist, holding me close. That was the only thing that held the tears inside my eyes.

I had some serious problems.

My best friend's wolf pack leader; counted me with his enemies.

Jeanine was still on the loose, putting everyone I loved in danger.

If I didn’t become a vampire soon, the Volturi would kill me.

And now it seemed that if I did, the Taìno werewolves would try to do the job themselves… along with trying to kill my future family. I didn’t think they had any chance really, but would my best friend get himself killed in the attempt? Would he be _forced_ to?

Very serious problems. So why did they all suddenly seem insignificant when we broke through the last of the trees and I caught sight of the expression on Scott’s pale face?

Jake squeezed me gently. "I’m here.”

I drew in a deep breath.

That was true. Jake was here, with his arms around me.

I could face anything as long as that was true.

I squared my shoulders and walked forward to meet my fate, with my destiny solidly at my side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's a wrap for this one!!
> 
> You know the drill, tell us your thoughts.
> 
> Till the next time!
> 
> x Our love to you all x


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